Misty Roses

Dear Rose,

So I recently went on a solo travel because... well, because I needed that je ne sais quoi from adrenaline. A rush strong enough to bring me back to the days where I put no limits to any possibilities and yet something instructive. Let me say that my two-days trip was full of new sensations. The feeling of being a part of newer movement that had nothing to do with what I had always known really reminded me of my favorite moments in life. Life in Greece by the sea if I had to summarise it in a sentence. Yet, the Mediterranean Sea was not there but the sun's loyalty did not fail to refresh my memory on all the days we had already spent together in the South.

I traveled because I was left with an exceeding energy of a person who has the intentions to go from point A to point B. The idea of the process felt almost slightly more satisfying than the actual travel but oh well. Like any amateur traveler, I do not worry about the means of transportation, I just enjoy the journey. May it be a car of which I open the window just to scream my lungs out, a train to remind me that I am in a time capsule and that on the other side of the door there is things happening and people living, a plane to remind me of how small I am in this vast world we live in or even a skateboard just for the turns.

I travelled and I had fun. In the midst of a random conversation with a person I will never meet again, I remembered. I remembered the sun burning my skin and the smell of the salt. I remembered all the short buildings and ancient pillars that gave the impression that I would fall with them but somehow were still standing. Nights where I could see the sun go down and cats come out to say hi to any newcomer as the stars lit up everything around enough to enjoy staying up till midnight and of course the love.

I travelled because traveling reminded me of love. The purpose, the discovery, the words and the actions that went with them. I unknowingly tried finding that same it in the city of love itself ironically. I went out, met new friends, left some on the road, networked a bit more, I socialized, resumed old good habits and routines I had and was positively surprised by my cerebral memory haha. But nothing could compare to the white houses with the blue roofs I called home. Except for this one person. It did not take that much time for me to understand, I was traveling because I was looking for home. I was simply following my compass to every single destination that reminded me of home. Even before I returned from my trip I knew. I came back and he was home.

Hello Misty Roses 🌹,

Lately, I have been feeling inspired to finally put into words what life has made me discover. If there is one conversation that every one is willing to indulge in despite knowing that it is completely idle, it must be anything centered around love.

I will not blind you with my own science or understanding of what love is simply because everyone has their own philosophy. For instance, I could not understand what love is if it overstepping the limits of love as introduced by the Bible is the equation. That's just me 🤷🏿‍♀️:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Nevertheless, I do know one thing. Every single person I've met -old or young, empaths or even sometimes diagnosed psychopaths, black or white, you name it- is always fascinated by the idea of love. In fact, we come up with newer, shinier love concepts every single yearbbas if love were a commodity.

Let's go back in time and rediscover it a bit together, shall we.

2019

Situationships on the rise 📈: According to Radio France the term situationship is a "contraction of 'relationship' and situation', a potentially problematic situation" that "does not fit into any box". I honestly do not know how situationships became a thing. Anyways, NEXT!

2020:

Virtual love! : You know who was a sucker for online love? I was, because @annaxsitar 's content was Covid's pandemic letting off bangers and fireworks on instagram and TikTok. The hype was real and I was there for all of it.

2021:

hIgH VaLuE WoMeN lost its sense and purpose and Red pILl ... um... skiiiiiiip

2022:

Tradwives: The first time I got acquainted with the term "tradwife" must have have happened on that once was called Twitter something fun about watching people romanticize the 70s was endearing yet made me uncomfortable. Probably the fact that many women still had fight for bare minimum human rights. Just saying, food for thought. As much as I love some tradwives values theoretically I will not pretend like being a housewife is easy . I am not that desperate. (the pun was intended)

2023:

Feminine and Masculine energy: You know how eco-friendly measures are used as a means to make money nowadays? Well that iS the trad-wife movement "feminine and masculine energy" rebranding. It is the gathering of extremely charismatic women and men who use the Bible, history and stereotypes for their own purposes all while fueling polarity between women and men. Before all of the "high value women" movements, before the Barbie movie (that was a huge turn for Valentino's fuchsia pink that was smart) and the hype over Bossa Nova, I am proud to say that I was a part of the 80% feminine 20% masculine energy girlies even if we didn't call it like that. Why am I happy about it? I got into it early enough to take what was good and leave unscathed. I learned many things about myself, what men and women were expecting from me, what I liked, disliked and what was important to me in a relationship. It was like the interlude I had always wanted and needed. Am I well spoken? Yes, but only because I good at code switching. Do I speak in a very soft manner? Absolutely not. Do people think I am soft and cunning, yes. Do I care? No, cause everything is not what it seems.

2024-2025-ish?:

I needn't lie here. By the end of 2023 my heart was taken so I do not really know what happened in the overall love market. However, curiosity got the best of me so I carried (Carrie Bradshaw the pun is intentional again I'm just good at it) my own mini investigation. Never in a trillion years would I have imagined that being hyper-aware of one's own flaws could be seen as attractive, let alone a personality trait. Blame it on esthetics, capitalized self-development and attachment styles. Yes, going to therapy will probably open your eyes but it will not get you a new partner. 2023 would have said "BARE MINIMUM, BOREEEENG... next!".

Do not get me wrong I too get caught in the midst of it all and I have to remind myself that having going to therapy did not make me a psychoanalyst, being in a healthy relationship "compared to others" does not mean that I do not go through tough times with my partner and just because others decide to date differently does not mean that I have to help em out. You all are adults (or at least future adults (in the case you are a mini human, what are you doing here baby?)) and you will figure things out for yourselves. This article is probably for the people who are coming after me cause I know I would have appreciated having these article at times.

Here are 3 reasons why you should consider courtship instead of just dating.

Dating: to regularly spend time with someone you have a romantic relationship with.

≠

Courtship: the time when people have a romantic relationship with the intention of getting married

🌾🐮Hold on lil cow! I know you got scared with the m-word right there. If marriage is not a safetynet for you then get your journal and try figuring out which other term could make you feel better. As for me, I will be talking from my point of view as a growing Christian. You can be reassured that I will not be forcing you into anything. In any case, I will be praying for you hun! 🫂

Let me start by saying that courtship is the best decision and definitely the most healthy and difficult measure I have taken with my partner. I put an emphasis on the word "decision" because it occurred to me that the status of some romantically geared relationships are experienced as something that is being imposed by one the concerned people.

🙄Unpopular opinion:

Indecisiveness is also a decision and it usually includes confusion, frustrations, unequal power dynamics, anxiety and many other things. Go ahead and read that as many times as you need. Now I'm not telling you to become a fortune teller. However, some things require some sorting out, and relationships is one of those things. In 2025, consider yourself an uncle and an aunty cause you've reached a big age.

1- Getting to know each other

You spent a great night with them and your eyes just keep wandering... you want to kiss them. You did kiss them, maybe a bit more who knows. Fast-forward to a week later, so many things happened and all of a sudden you have a bitter-sweet regret taste in your mouth. You like them but was it all that worth it? Do you know them? Are you ready for this? Do you know yourself?

When I met my partner we had both taken time to heal on our own. We had meticulously tracked both our good deeds and past mistakes, tracing them back to their roots with discipline. This level of awareness meant that any decision we made afterward carried deliberate accountability. It was no longer an act of ignorance, but a conscious responsibility. After interrogating every single woman in my life, I decided that I was going to vocal about my needs and expectations from the get-go.

No more beating around the bush with corny questions like: "What are we? where is this thing going?".

No more assumptions either. Do not go around telling people you are something you cannot prove or justify. This is the main reason I abstain from talking about my relationship and avoid as much as possible calling my partner "my boyfriend". This man deserves more than that and I want to give him that not "boyfriend" hahaha.

Instead, cut to the chase and tell your partner what you want and expect before you involuntarily turn into a partner in crime or a partner in nonsense. It will not make you annoying, corny or naive and if they make you feel like that then it's not the right time or right person, so try talking it out. It will create the ideal environment for both of you to reflect on yourselves and the actuality of your intentions, as taking time for yourself prior to this relationship allows you to approach getting to know someone with a fresh perspective a clean slate and hopefully a good purpose.

2- "Let's take our time"

Why is it that it the only time "let's take our time" is in songs, it is either about s3x or a person saying: "I'm not sure what I want but I like your presence"? It is never "let's take our time to get to know each other and overrule our flesh's desire because you are a sweet person and I do not want to lose sight of that for ephemeral satisfaction". Courtship is also about knowing if a person is actually into you and not your body. Some people wait three months before being intimate, others wait for 6 months, I've decided to wait till marriage.

No shame on any decision you take cause all of them come with their own set of gifts. I Am certain that I will not be scared of my partner leaving if I get ill because he cannot get it. Surely, he is happy with me just breathing the same air he is breathing. Heck he's just happy I exist and all of the above is a 100% reciprocated. I am happy he exists and that he is in my life, he is the most amazing person I have ever met and I am honored to be love by him. We are attracted to one another and we are happy to guard this aspect of our relationship for till our moment comes! Something that my friends have asked me or imply is that waiting for s3x is too old-school and that there is some sort of shame in being or not being a virgin. Your body is not a commodity, your feelings are valid and just because someone wants or is ready to be intimate with you does not mean that they have the right to force you or pressure you into being intimate with them.

S3X SHOULD NEVER BE AN EXPECTATION FROM SOMEONE WHO TRULY LOVES YOU AND YOU SHOULD NOT FEED INTO THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE LOVED THROUGH S3X EITHER. I SAID WHAT I SAID.

If anything you should know that you are precious and that the Lord keeps you and guards your heart, he lets you lay under his wings as a haven.

Two videos I watched back in the days (it was 3 years ago) were Michelle Flores Diaz's Why men WITHOUT s3xual discipline are a liability and let me just give you two reasons that she pointed out:

They are more likely to cheat

They are more likely to farm you, and people in your life including your own children

Take the time to go watch the videos they are amazing!

Another reason why I think it is really important is that when the physical aspect is no longer a "wow" factor it gives space for our bodies do communicate. Could you count the number of times your body shut down, you got butterflies in your stomach, you felt unsafe?

I used to be the kind of person who unconsciously shaped my body to fit the standards of my sport or what I thought my crush found attractive only to either rebel against those standards or continue pursuing them even after moving on (okay, that only happened once, but it really stuck with me). When I got into the relationship I am in right now, I gradually got rid of binge eating, working and skipping meals, I got rid of dysmorphia and 0rthor3xia too. At moment I even had extreme baby fevers which I had never experienced before. My partner was skinny in an unhealthy way but we both ended up gaining happy weight and looking at each other as if we had discovered a treasure in the middle of the ocean. Today, we are both physically active in our own ways (working out, carrying weights, taking the dog out on long walks, 10k steps a day, etc) but we are not trying to please each other by doing it. We are just doing our thing on our side.

3- No more awkward and unnecessary family introductions

The circumstances we were in made it difficult for my partner to meet my family the same time he met mine BUT it was a turning point for me to realize that my partner was a byproduct of his own environment and upbringing.

I love my partner :

Of course he is a great big brother to his little sister

Of course he loves his parents

Of course they all love animals the way we both love animals

Of course they knew his intentions with me before I even understood

Of course they want me to be a part of the family

Of course I love every woman in his family including HIS MOTHER (I've already had a mean future stepmom and whew chile the Lord answered my prayers)

Few months down the road he met my parents at my place and it was amazing! At times I almost feel as if my parents are more interested into know him life more than mine hahahah. Because we have the same pillar individually, we ere able to establish multiple goals with one purpose that fits in the bigger canvas of what life means to us.

Those were three generic things about courtship. You can definitely try it if you are willing and also if you are tired of dating and filling empty when you are not. Always know that there is no human relationship that will make you more or less worthy of love because you were created with love and purpose. You are precious to the Almighty, you are His dearest child!

More details about courtship will be published tomorrow on the Misty Rose - Secret Garden Podcast.

It has been a pleasure talking to you my Roses! See tou soon <3

Love

Hello Misty Rose,

How are you? 🌹

Life has been super cool lately! Took the time to live my life the way o wanted and enjoy my me time or at least enjoy my time with 2 people I’ve known for forever (S/o to Sarah and Camille). Talking to them inspired this article. Spending more time with them made me realise how friendships can shape the way you perceive things in life and you need to be careful. I’m having a very good time writing this because it takes me back to my first life lessons that only took place a few years ago so do not feel bad life is full of evolutions and surprises 😄

I’ll start off with this: saying no to friendships or no cultivating some friendships on a deeper level doesn’t mean that you’re being mean. It simply means that you know yourself and respect yourself so people should be doing the same.

If you’re dealing with these type of people you’re probably someone who knows themselves and don’t have time to handle people’s emotions but you do not know what to do.

The “friend” who:

1- Puts themselves in a secondary role character position

Ugh… Do not get me started!

The particularity of this person is that for some reason they tend to make their own lives all about you. It is endearing at first because they will do any and everything to tell you “ I admire everything you do 🥹”. Don’t get me wrong, friendship and admiration aren’t incompatible at all. In fact my best friends and I admire each other and tell each other that. It stems from a good place like affection and encouragements. It is always reciprocal and and never awkward or uncomfortable. When it comes to that one other “friend” though, something is always off as if they purposefully put themselves down in order to make you look better in front of others.

Example that happened to me a long time ago:

Me: Oh hi Linda!

“Friend”: Hi Josh did you know that Caroline is amazing?

Linda and I: 😅👀🥲

Needless to say, it was awkward after that. As much as you will look for one in this relationship you will not find friendship because they see you as a celebrity or an influencer. Guess what happens to celebrities and influencers. They either get:

• Praised: helped when then do not ask for it, complimented but with a hidden agenda, stalked and I’m putting weight and emphasis on that word (some people will go as far as wanting to know your entire network, family, romantic relationships, house, etc.)

Or

• Canceled: Celebrities usually get canceled when they make major mistakes but mostly when the perfect-false-image that has been portrayed of them is being tarnished. I dare you to say “no” to that person and see how they react. I dare you to not share what you are doing, who you’re going out with or even where you are at.

Where does that stem from?

I would love to have the debate but I will go ahead and just say that you do not need to know. If it is invading your space and taking your energy just let it be.

The perfect example of this type of person is Cassie from Euphoria:

Too relatable:

Loneliness is your biggest fear yet it’s the only door to discovering yourself through yourself and not others.

2- Thinks that they are the center of the world

Okay now this one is going to be harsh for a lot of us. If you’re friends with someone like the following description you are either being forcefully put in the secondary character position or you are actually entertaining it. SNAP OUT OF IT! 🪞

If I could describe this person in one song and one song only it would be Fe!n by Travis $cott. This person is a fe!n for attention. I did not say compliments, I did not say words of affirmation, I said ATTENTION. They’re usually very active and engage in activities that put them in the spotlight. I was that girl. You can never talk to them without someone interrupting or calling their name across the room just to wave hello. Usually this friend is very busy and works hard so the little time spent with people they try to socialise with is particularly weird. They tend to attract people who keep on complimenting them so that becomes “the friendship experience” to them. A shallow, void, depth-lacking friendship. Not so fun anymore, huh? 😅

The issue with people like that is that they NEVER get to be vulnerable because of their constant happy person facade. In times of vulnerability and weakness the lack of depth in their “friendship experience” leads them to not talking and expressing themselves. Instead, they will participate in more or less useless and harmful activities activities that become a standard because the entourage that fuels their ego participates too.

Think about Paris Hilton:

• She definitely seemed delulu and confident

• When it came to her past activities and past friendships some of them are questionable.

• People always fed off of her ressources, advice, popularity but were not there when she actually needed them.

Too relatable:

Think about yourself and do not be scared to take time for yourself and vet your friends more carefully. Go discover who you truly are.

3- … is jealous

I must admit something I have never been jealous of a friend.

In my childhood whenever I went to the playground with my mother she would take that opportunity to teach me how to appreciate others and what they had, who they were by complimenting me and complimenting them too for completely different reasons. That was one of the earliest life lessons I still remember hahaha. 🫂

So no i haven’t ever been jealous let alone envious of a friend. However, I couldn’t quite grasp the concept of it all until I experienced being envied not long ago. It took me some time to understand. Once I did, my heart was filled with sorrow and bitterness but not for long at all. Let me explain to you my friend how someone you deeply appreciate could be jealous of you and what to do.

I know that having haters can sometimes be motivational but trust me it is really useless so erase that podcast quote you heard on TikTok out of your brain. There is two types of jealous people.

A/ The one you know you cannot befriend from the get go

For some reason without having to talk to them necessarily, they will side-eye you. You got a good grade? Side-eye. You dared to talk to their crush? (You are not into them btw) They will interrupt the conversation by saying something random like “skibidi toilet”. One thing they’ll never do however is talk to you about the problem they have with you. Also, they will try to befriend you in the most hypocritical way when they know you are no longer a threat or when you have something shiny about you that they would like to interact with. Do not waste your time my Rose. Move on, NEXT! (yuh)

B/ The friend who gradually became jealous

This one friend gradually became jealous in spite of themselves. They have something to protect and for some reason, you have become a threat. Maybe they found a new study method that they do not want to share so instead they say they did not revise, maybe they started investing in crypto (oy oy yikes), or maybe they won the lottery who cares. The point is they no longer want to engage with you and they eventually become strangers.

At first you will not understand but if you are mature enough to get that it is their boundary they set for their own peace you will understand.

I can’t help but think about Sharpey hahaha:

Too relatable:

We all know that deep down you are a good person. What is out there for you will find you.

Okay this is part one for today. It’s getting kinda late but as aldehyde I really enjoy talking to you my Rose.

Take care of yourself,

Irini 🌹

Hello Misty Rose,

Long time no see. Now I know you might think that I disappeared but I actually have not. How has life been treating you?

Many things have happened to me since last time we spoke? Have you managed to reach your goal? No worries, I have not forgotten you.

Paris is playing games with us again here. The sun goes down a bit later now and this week the city gifted us a blue sky to admire, cherry blossoms and daffodils. Many have started fasting for Lent, mosquitoes are already back, new items have formed and I did my spring cleaning . Something tells me that you're doing your own Spring cleaning too and you're reconsidering your relationship with him.

What if I told you that you already have the answers to all of that?

You might have anticipated the Seven year itch but not the one coming after months or couple of years of relationships. One thing you can still do however is ask questions and be true to yourself. Though I won't give you any solution or do the work for you I'll be here to support you.

How did you meet?

The place where you met does not matter. Some people meet in high-school and end up being sad while others meet in hopeless places (S/O to badgyalriri) like Tinder and live happily ever after. So no I'm not talking about the coordinates of place nor am I talking about how the stars were aligned. Instead, ask yourself if you met when you were in a space ready to give love and receive some too? How about them? Were they available when you met?

Were there any red flags?

Yes, the infamous question has been posed. Let us be clear on one thing. Nobody is perfect and the purpose of getting to know one another is to be aware of one's own flaws and work on it but also to identify our partner's flaws. The ideal situation would be opening up to each other in the time to talk about each others vulnerabilities, traumas and fears, as much as future plans, strengths and appreciation are being talked about.

Are all of these things brought up on time?

I totally understand it darling. You were ignoring him and he kept pursuing you. He was completely ignoring you but then he saw you for who you are. He saw you and it was love at first sight. How much time did it take for you to fall in love? Make sure you take the time to get to know them and know if you're compatible before allowing yourself to be swept off your feet too easily my rose.

What is love?

The ancient Greeks identified 8 forms of love:

Eros: Romantic love

Philia: Friendship

Storge: Family love

Ludus: Playful love

Pragma: Practical love

Philautia: Self-love

Agape: Selfless love

I believe that love with a romantic partner should have a good portion of all those forms of love. Surely sometimes you or your partner will be tired and drained, and that's exactly where you step up and show up for each other. So yes, if you're in a loving relationship and lack philia someday, your partner should demonstrate philia to you. Whenever your partner lacks Pragma you are going to be the one to step up and display pragma for them so on and so forth.

What love is not

As utopian as all of the things I mentioned are, there is a an extent and limits to those forms of love. Here are some things that can be mistaken for caring and that can break a relationship when they aren't identified on time.

Love is not...:

...sacrificing oneself to in order to be loved, seen, heard and understood. Conflicts from time to time are natural in a relationship as long as you know how to communicate where the misunderstanding stems from. This leads to the self-development, and finding a solution.

...forgetting yourself. A relationship is supposed to elevate you make you the best version of yourself and take you to higher levels of life. If you ever catch yourself lacking because of your relationship.

... frustrating or confusing. Usually, friends, content creators, family and people you trust will tell you that your partner is wrong. Yes, them flirting with their ex is not right, them being nonchalant is but how longer are you going to stay in that situation? Is it solvable or has it become an unending cycle?

If your partner and yourself truly love each other there is going to be a balance and incentives to engage with the improvement of your physical, mental and spiritual health. Therapy, encouraging each other to do physical activities, praying together IS THE BARE MINIMUM. Listening to each other, fraying for one another, investing in one another according to the phase of your lives IS THE BARE MINIMUM.

Do not forget it my rose!

Love,

Caroline🌹

PSA: