Jun 28
my shane thought of the weekend is how no one ever notices that he's in pain or that he's suffering. ever ! in the entire series. no one notices. i guess the only time is at the cottage post david discovery but even then it's like, he's sharing that and making it explicitly obvious. same with yuna comforting him about him Trying to be straight. but he is so so so good at repression and being the golden boy and perfection and he sells the image of Shane Hollander so well that NO ONE is able to conceptualize that he suffers, that he has trauma. is he even hiding it if no one is even looking to see it's there???
#shanecel posting#also i don't think he even realizes he's suffering himself - either all suffering is something he deserves and thus not suffering but#punishment & an opportunity to grow / be better (become more machine/stunted)#OR it's just the consequence of him being Wrong - not the same but similar to punishment#it's that he is lacking and it's not something he can improve he's just Wrong and everyone else is Right#and the pain he suffers is soooo shameful to him - even more shameful than his desires#and he finds his pain so small and inconsequential when he compares it to others because other people Get to suffer and Have Reasons To#he is just Wrong and sometimes Bad and needs to be Better
