A/N: The timeline in this fic differs from the canon. Here, Orpheus' death occurs in the modern era, and the fic takes place in the early 20th century, just before Dream's imprisonment.
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The trees rustled in the warm wind that bushed past you and carried the nostalgic scent of home. You smiled, a fond but plaintive thing, as you watched a bustling city from your people’s golden age. The markets bustled, the streets filled, the families celebrated – and it all reminded you why you were here. So with a sigh, you stepped forward to pull Vantaros from this comforting dream.
He was with a group of men – sailors, fresh from the port and eager for stable footing of ground – who shared stories of lands exotic and far, treasures priceless and unbelievable. He listened closely to their adventures, content to simply listen to the explorations of his people without any mention of his own.
“Have you been to the lands they speak of?”
He turned at the sound of your voice. He watched the dull light of your eyes and knew this was a dream: during this golden age, your eyes and soul were alight with your people’s prosperity. But now they had been dulled by centuries of regret and longing, a hallmark of your time here in the Dreaming.
“I have,” he responded, as he approached you. “But it always thrills me to hear of the aspects they find most amazing.”
“Just as it always pleased me to hear the excitement of couples as they vowed themselves to each other and cemented their bond,” you smiled. But you caught a flicker of pity in his eyes, and you continued, eager to dissuade such a feeling. “It’s been so long, Vantaros!” You breathed, with a grin. “Where have you traveled to now?”
“Nowhere,” he smiled, and his eyes glazed over with a sense of affection. “I’ve actually grown quite fond of where I am now.”
“The god of exploration content where he is?” You wondered, your brows high with surprise. “You must have found quite the adventure, wherever you are in the Waking World,” you teased.
“She is,” he breathed, and a soft gasp fell from you as your grin widened.
“Oh, you must tell me everything about her!” You squealed, before grabbing his hand and leading him away from the crowd and towards a plot of greenery at the city center. You folded your legs beneath you as you sat upon the grass and pulled him down after you. “Who is she? Does she know who you are? When did you two meet? How did you two meet?”
“Patience, my friend,” he laughed. “Her name is Gwendolyn,” he began. “She does know of my origins, my divinity, and despite being mortal herself, she has no qualms about it. We met at her family’s inn a few months back,” he smiled fondly as the memory resurfaced. “And, before you ask, I do plan to marry her.”
“Oh, Vantaros!” You exclaimed in delight before leaning forward to wrap your arms around him. “I’m so happy for you!” You cried, as your hold around him tightened. “And I’m sure she must be quite something if she could convince you to stay in one place for more than a few weeks,” you teased.
“Actually,” he began, with a sharp inhale. “I may be staying there for longer than few weeks. Or months,” he trailed off.
Your excitement faded as the pit in your stomach grew.
“You’re planning to stay there,” you realized. “You’ll – you’ll stop exploring. You’ll no longer adhere to your divinity, and –”
“And I will become mortal,” he finished for you. He watched the haunted look you wore and reached for your hands. “Like her.”
“Then you will die,” you whispered. “And I will be alone.”
“If I were to maintain my divinity, I would have to watch her die and that is something I dread far more than the loss of my position,” he explained. “And I will regret leaving you, my friend, but you will never be alone. You’ve told me so many tales of the wonderful folk who inhabit this realm! Every one of them can offer you the solace I have,” he assured you.
“But none of them know me as you do,” you added, with a harsh sniffle.
“Then perhaps you should let them know you,” he suggested, squeezing your hands lightly. “I know you worry about befriending those under your husband’s rule, but it is a risk you must take. After all this time in the realm, certainly you’ve met some companions who will not betray your confidences.”
“I suppose so,” you murmured. “And, I suppose I understand your wanting to become mortal like Gwendolyn,” you sighed. “I don’t think I could bear the death of my love, either,” you explained, with a sympathetic smile.
He watched you for a moment, unable to speak as he considered the meaning behind your words.
“Please tell you’ve decided to forgo your divinity as I have, and you’ve found a new love?” He asked, slowly.
“No,” you chuckled. “It’s still him,” you added, as your gaze dipped low and your fingers moved to sift through the grass.
“Have you forgiven him?” He breathed, watching you carefully with an unmoving stare.
“Well, not exactly,” you responded, sheepishly.
“I should hope not!” He exhaled sharply, and you watched his outrage with confusion. “After everything he’s done to you, accused you of, I should hope you’re not so quick to forgive him.”
“Quick?” You wondered with a breath of laughter. “It’s been centuries, Vantaros. There’s nothing ‘quick’ about this.”
“Offering him forgiveness even centuries later is still far more than he deserves!” He fumed, rising to his feet to pace before you.
“I agree!” You cried out as you stood before him. “And I’ve told him the very thing!”
Vantaros turned to you at that, waiting for you to continue with a calculating gaze.
“I think he might actually be trying to make things right,” you explained, after taking a breath. “He’s asked that I give him the chance to deliver on every oath he’s made me. To prove his word to me by repairing our bond.” You watched his breath even and his tense shoulders relax, so you continued with a hesitant smile. “And that’s why I came looking for you today. One of the promises he made me – that he’s now delivered on – was that I carry his child,” you explained, sheepishly. Your cheeks warmed and your gaze hit the ground as a flustered smile covered your face. “We’re having a baby,” you finally confessed with a soft laugh.
“That’s wonderful news,” he breathed, his prior outrage fading at the sight of your excitement. He pulled you into him then and you sighed in the comfort of his hold. “I know how dearly you’ve wanted this, my friend.”
“He’s hosting the celebration for me, since it’s my first child,” you began. “He even asked me to invite you,” you added, with an eager grin. But Vantaros’ smile faltered at the invitation.
“I wouldn’t want to cause you any trouble,” he refused, politely. He recalled your tale of Morpheus’ jealousy in Faerie and he had no wish to have you repeat such an event.
“You won’t be,” you assured him, sensing the reason for his apprehension. “He knows we’re nothing but good friends, Vantaros. He’s – he’s different now,” you tried to explain, but with this strange metamorphosis of his, you found it impossible to. “I – I think he might actually love me,” you admitted, shyly. A bashful smile warmed your skin as you recalled your conversation under the pagoda just the other day: the way vowed he would do anything for you, how he sought to please you, why he had allowed your friendship with Vantaros to continue.
“You thought that before, as well,” he sighed. He had no wish to ruin your happiness, but he feared the despair you might find yourself in if Morpheus were to break your heart once more. “How can you be sure he truly means it this time?”
You swallowed thickly then, and he worried you would take his apprehension as ridicule. But you continued in a low voice with a downcast gaze that told him you had already considered such an option.
“Vantaros, I don’t have a choice,” you sighed. “Either I refuse him this chance to make things right and I am hurting and alone for the rest of my existence, or,” you paused to close your eyes and visualize the far happier outcome. “I forgive him and have a chance at love again. I have the opportunity to be happy again, Vantaros, and I will seize it.”
He stepped closer to you and held your hands in his. “Then I hope he truly means it this time,” he nodded, and you smiled at his agreement. “And I shall attend your celebration,” he decided. You squealed your excitement at his words by wrapping your arms around him, and he chuckled at your joy before holding you close.
He had tried to wait. And his restraint had been truly admirable, considering how he desperately he longed to see you again. He couldn’t possibly wait another month before seeing you, though, so two weeks after your meeting under your pagoda, he found you in one of the smaller dining halls. He approached silently, hesitantly, as every possible scenario of you throwing him out once more played in his mind.
“You must be the one enjoying this, because I certainly am not.”
But the sound of your voice, heavy with a teasing irritation, spurred him on. He continued soundlessly, careful not to interrupt your conversation, but stepping close enough to spy who you were speaking with. He turned slightly from the corner then to find you sat at a table surrounded by a rather diverse set of dishes. There were pages strewn before you – the files he had sent this morning, he assumed – but there was no one else in sight.
He watched as you pulled a pickle from one platter and dunked it in a bowl of vanilla ice cream to your right. The corners of his lips twitched as he recalled your earlier conversation regarding cravings, but it was the way your nose scrunched after a repulsive bite that widened it to a proper smile.
“Ugh!” You exclaimed in disgust, before staring down at your belly. “The pains I am already going through for you, little one,” you shook your head in faux-anger before your scowl softened and a soft breath of laughter left you.
And the sweet melody of your joy soothed him as he finally realized whom you had been talking to. Before he could wonder how often you spoke to her, what topics you spoke to her of, you continued in a gentle tone that had him leaning closer.
“I can hardly wait to see you, love,” you sighed, as your hand smoothed over your belly. “You know, your father can hardly wait, too. In fact,” you leaned closer as you continued in a whisper. “I think he might be almost as excited as I am.”
“I am,” he whispered, from his hidden position just behind a corner. “More than either of you know.”
He stepped forward then, feigning ignorance to your conversation as he approached you with deliberate steps.
“Oh!” You inhaled at the sight of him. With your hands pressed flat against the table, he knew you meant to rise out of respect for him, and he was quick to dissuade the formality.
“No, it’s alright,” he assured you, with an outstretched hand to keep you seated.
You watched him with a contemplative gaze as he approached. You had seen him just two weeks ago and he had given no warning of his presence or offered an invitation to join you. So you frowned as he neared the table and spoke quickly to determine the reason for his appearance.
“I’m still finalizing a guest list for the celebration,” you informed him, recalling the topic of your last conversation. “I met with Vantaros yesterday,” you continued, at a slow pace as you watched him for any sign or irritation. “And he agreed to attend the celebration. If that’s alright,” you added, quickly.
“Of course it is,” he assured you, as he took the seat beside you. “You may invite whomever you’d like to.”
He fell silent then, content to simply look upon your beauty in the warm light of the dining hall. Your chest tightened under his continued gaze, and with a shallow breath, you tried another possible reason for his presence.
“I haven’t finished with today’s files yet, I’m afraid,” you added, before glancing down at the pages you had set down. “These reports of war and combat are rampant throughout the realm, and I worry that something truly terrible must be occurring in the Waking World for so many dreamers to torment themselves in such a way.”
“Much of the Waking World is at war now,” he explained, as he took the seat beside you. “‘The Great War,’ they call it. I expect many more reports of warfare in the time to come, unfortunately,” he sighed.
“If so many of these dreamers are in battle, could you not offer them some comfort as they sleep? Perhaps some memories of home, or the lives they may look forward to after the war?”
“It is not my place to alter what their dreaming minds seek out,” he explained. “If war torments their waking minds and seeps into their dreams, I must not interfere.”
Your lips pressed to a thin line at his concise refusal.
“Do you know of Belan?” You asked, after a moment.
Of course he knew the story. But he waited for you to continue, eager to hear the story of one of your kind through your eyes.
“He was the first of us to fall. To become mortal after violating his divinity,” you explained. “He was the god of conflict, of the battle for one’s rights and life. For so long, he thought his divinity was the most important, the most just of us all. Our people were never a warlike race, but we had our conflicts, as every populace does. And as he watched generals and leaders send innocent men to their deaths, he realized his divinity had been warped into something beyond justice – something cruel and pointless,” you recounted. “He refused to be worshipped for something so needlessly bloody, and he fell that day. Most of my kind was furious,” you recalled. “But I was in awe. He held such deep respect for the soldiers’ lives, for his divinity, that he rejected worship after seeing how his divinity was perverted to assign some sense of justice and divine providence to such pointless bloodshed. It was such a devastating sight for him to see, that he rejected everything he was. And after seeing the dreams of these soldiers, I can’t imagine what he’d think of the savagery of this Great War,” you swallowed thickly. “There must be something you can do, Dream. Something to comfort these soldiers in their sleep.”
He listened to your reserved wisdom, your humble request of his aid to these dreamers, and he couldn’t possibly refuse you.
“Perhaps I could sway more dreams to visit them,” he conceded. “And encourage the more insidious nightmares to let them alone for some time.”
“I think that would be a great relief to them,” you smiled. He leaned forward then, and his voice dropped low as he spoke.
“But I must admit that I did not come here for these files,” he began. “I came to see you.”
“To see me?” You blushed a smile at his sweet confession, and you couldn’t help but think of your words to Vantaros yesterday: “I – I think he might actually love me.”
“Of course,” he breathed. “I couldn’t wait another month to see you, as I have these past few months. I couldn’t wait that long to speak to you. To know how you are. How our daughter is,” he added, and his gaze drifted down to your abdomen as a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.
“I’m alright,” you assured him with a soft smile. “But this one,” you glared lightheartedly at your belly as you continued. “Is truly testing me,” you sighed, and he breathed a laugh at your struggle. “That pickles-and-ice cream combination you mentioned is absolutely disgusting, but she can’t seem to get enough of it,” you frowned. You looked up to find amusement glinting eyes and stretching his smile, so you let out an indignant breath. “It’s not funny, Morpheus!” You whined. “It’s disgusting and I hate it, but I can’t stop eating it,” you sighed.
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he soothed, leaning forward to place a comforting hand over yours. “But there’s only a few months more to weather,” he reassured you, as his finger traced lines over the back of your hand.
“A few months?!” You repeated, incredulously. “Six months!” You corrected with a breath of indignation. “If I have to eat this for six months more,” you threatened, as you gestured to the revolting combination. “I will lose my mind, Morpheus!”
“Will none of these other dishes do?” He wondered, scanning through the partially-eaten dishes.
“Black Forest cake and roasted peanuts came close,” you recalled, with a glance to the chocolate cake. “But this monstrosity seems to be her favorite,” you grumbled.
“Well, seeing as it’s her favorite, perhaps you could stomach it for just a few more months. For her,” he encouraged, with a light squeeze to your hand.
“She’s not even born yet, and you’re already spoiling her!” You exhaled. But your fingers moved to interlace with his, and your tone softened. “But I suppose you’re right: it’s only a few more months.”
“And it’ll all be worth it when we hold her in our arms in just a few months,” he reminded you.
“I know,” you sighed fondly, as you considered the glorious moment. And as you pictured the day you would hold her in your arms with Dream by your side, the words seemed to tumble from your mouth without the censor of your guarded heart. “I never thought I’d have this,” you admitted, with a terse smile. “A baby,” you laughed, and the joy of the news seemed to finally hit you, as your eyes lit anew and your laughter sung through the hall. “Thank you, Dream,” you whispered, as you looked up at him.
“I do not deserve your thanks,” he breathed, as his gaze fell to the table, eager to break free of your devotion. “You should have had this centuries ago,” he admitted in a pained whisper. “And I had deprived you of it. Denied you the right, as my wife. Tied you to me for all existence, only to betray and neglect you. To abandon you,” he cried softly. You watched his eyes redden, his voice tremble, and his throat strain against the crushing confessions. And you couldn’t bear it.
You squeezed your eyes shut, letting fall the tears as you finally let it go. The centuries of heartache, the betrayal, the pain, the anger. It all left you in a shaky breath and washed your heart clean of the hurt that clouded your feelings for him. The pride that barred you from ever forgiving him. That ignited your steadfast refusal to ever love him again.
“We have to let go of it,” you realized. You reached for his hand then, squeezing his as tightly as the heartache had held you. “We cannot change what’s happened. We cannot change the centuries of hurt. But we can move forward together. As we were always meant to be. As we always dreamt we would be,” you added, with a sniffle to keep your tears at bay.
He watched you carefully then, scanning your eyes only to find unrelenting adoration in them. And his lips parted as he longed to tell you how undeserving he was of your grace, your forgiveness, your love.
“My lord.”
You both turned then at the sound of Jessamy’s caw. Your hand fell away from his as leaned back in your chair and wiped quickly at your nose.
“Jessamy,” Dream cleared his aching throat as the raven perched upon the edge of the table.
“I’m afraid there is a rather insistent audience awaiting you in the throne room, my lord,” she explained, as her wings fluttered to a close.
“They can wait,” he decided, looking back to you as he reached desperately for your hand. “I have more pressing matters to attend to here.”
“It’s alright, Dream,” you smiled softly. “Go,” you encouraged him. “You can come find me when you’re finished.”
He left with great reticence, abhorring the way he had to leave your sight, but heartened by your promise to see him shortly.
The rest of your day was strange. Peculiar. Off.
By the time you reached your chambers, you were completely exhausted, seeking respite at your desk immediately as you entered. You found your body aching far more than usual, but you pushed your worry aside, assuming your initial excitement had finally worn off and given way to the punishing ache of your pregnancy.
But the time seemed to drag on painfully, strangely. Everything seemed duller somehow: colors, sounds, even the very fabric of the realm seemed to fade somehow. And as you sat at your desk, reviewing the remainder of the day’s files, you frowned as you found your ink pot empty. You stared at it for a moment before directing your magic to refill the small pot at your whim. But you felt nothing then. Your magic seemed immovable, and when you looked within yourself, you found there was no magic to manipulate at all.
Your heart beat faster as the pit in your stomach grew. You held the pot in your hand then, desperately willing it full to no avail. You let out an erratic breath as you focused more closely on the pot, but when it remained empty, you tried to squeeze the glass container and crush it in your hold. But your hand simply closed around it, too weak to break the pot in your once forceful grip.
With a shaky breath and distant gaze, the ink pot fell to the ground and finally broke in a mess of inky shards.
You swallowed thickly, reaching for one such shard and holding it to your fingertip. You pressed it against the soft pad of your finger, and as the scarlet bubbled at your skin, you knew only one thing could cause you to injure so easily. You were mortal.
You could run, you thought. You could escape into the Waking World and return to your anonymity, embracing your obscurity to hide from him.
No, you realized, with a harsh scoff. He would never stop hunting you. The woman he had given his heart to, who took it and burned it to ashes with her betrayal. And once your child was born? He would stop at nothing to take her from you then.
For a moment, you were distracted by the cause of your mortality. Certainly you hadn’t violated your virtue by lying with someone other than Dream, so it must have been an oath you violated. But which one, you wondered for a moment longer before realizing that it did not matter. All that mattered was what he would think. What he would assume. Especially after meeting with Vantaros only a day before the loss of your divinity. He had assumed such with far less to go on, centuries ago.
You tried to steady and focus yourself with a breath as you calculated how long you could possibly keep your mortality hidden from him. Or the physicians, you realized with a gasp. They would visit you tomorrow, you remembered. And upon their examination of you, they would discover your mortality and report it directly to him.
You couldn’t order them to keep it secret from him. Despite whatever they agreed to you, you knew word of your predicament would eventually return to him.
Unless they assumed he already knew.
Yes, you nodded to yourself. You would tell them that you had already noticed your mortality and spoken to Dream about it. In the earlier weeks, such a statement would be difficult to pass as true, but these days, with the rumors of your amicability rampant through the palace halls, pushing this lie would be simple enough.
The lie wouldn’t last long, of course. You knew he would find out eventually. But perhaps by then you would have concocted a far more reasonable plan.
You would have to run, you realized.
Whatever advantages and disadvantages the plan had, your attentions were taken from them as you heard Dream’s measured knock at your door.
“May I come in?” He asked, and hopeful lilt at the end of his words pained you.
You stared blankly at the door; all of your plans were for later. After you had dealt with the threat the physicians posed. And certainly not now, after you had only just learned of your newfound mortality and so soon after you had agreed to move forward with him as you had always dreamt.
“I shouldn’t have left you for so long,” he realized, at your continued silence. “There were matters to tend to with the dreamfolk, and –”
“No, no,” you rushed, moving towards the door, but just short of the knob. “It’s alright,” you assured him. “But I,” you paused, searching for an excuse, any excuse. “I’m quite exhausted, Dream. Perhaps we could speak another time?”
His silence sat heavy with the disappointment you knew had lowered his gaze. “Would you like for me to call the physicians?” He wondered. “If you’re not feeling well?”
“No, that’s not necessary,” you replied, quick to eliminate the notion. “I think some rest is all I need.”
His hand moved to the doorknob, eager to offer you more comfort than his words, and your breath caught as you watched the knob shuffle under his hold. But he thought better of it and the handle stilled, to your audible relief.
“Then I shall leave you to your rest,” he decided. “But should need anything –”
“You shall be the first I call,” you assured him.
“Until I see you next,” he breathed, lingering still in your doorway. “My heart,” he whispered, unable to leave you without uttering some form of endearment.
“Until then,” you forced a smile, hoping it would make its way to your voice. It seemed to work, as the sound of his receding footsteps echoed outside of your chambers.
“I suppose we’d better ready ourselves, little one,” you breathed a sigh with a short glance at your belly. You frowned at the way the rounded mass obscured your feet, but you supposed it was to be expected after this sixth month of your pregnancy.
You weren’t sure how you managed to keep your mortality hidden from Dream for three months now. The physicians had turned out to be the easy part: they were relieved to no longer act as middlemen, delivering reports to you and him separately, so they took your falsity quite well.
The worst was Dream, though. He returned the next morning to see you, but you clung to your excuse of exhaustion and he accepted it reluctantly, before leaving you with the same term of endearment and the notice of an offering he had left at your door. You waited until the hallway was silent before opening the door and a soft, desperate breath left you as you spied the culinary monstrosity your daughter couldn’t seem to get enough of.
There were a few more days of wrenching heartache as you continued to cite exhaustion as a reason not to see him before he finally took your message. That you had thought better of your forgiveness, that you had realized he was unworthy of it, and decided you would have nothing to with him.
He had stopped his attempts to speak with you, but the culinary monstrosity continued to appear at your door every day.
And every day you would accept it with teary eyes and harsh sniffles, as you tried futilely not to picture him alone and hurt, feeling the bitter sting of your unintended rejection that would only reinforce how unworthy he felt to be the object of your devotion.
But the thought of him learning of your mortality, of assuming an indiscretion with Vantaros was the cause for the predicament devastated you further, so you willed the thought away as you stowed the dish aside and readied yourself for the physicians.
“My lord?” The meek voice sounded, and Dream frowned as the team of physicians filed into his study. He studied each face – some tried to hide it, some tried to pretend nothing was amiss, but most couldn’t help but allow the grave news to lie visibly on their faces.
“What’s happened?”
“There’s been a development, my lord,” one began. “The child’s heartbeat is weak. Intermittent.”
“We have concerns regarding the child’s oxygen circulation,” a second added.
“We’ve taken some tests and the results will have to be studied,” one chimed in.
“And more may need to be conducted, of course,” another added, optimistically, and the team seemed to nod their agreement.
“But we seem to have run into some difficulty there,” the meek physician resumed. “It seems my lady is,” he seemed to struggle with the polite wording, but luckily the first physician was capable of bluntness.
“The queen has thrown everyone out of her chambers,” he explained. “She refuses entry to all: us, maids, servers. We had hoped that perhaps you could convince her to allow us entry once more.”
“Completely understandable behavior, of course,” the second physician offered, eager to dissuade any notion that his colleague was critical of your behavior. “Especially considering her newfound mortality,” he added.
Dream’s distant gaze lifted then, flickering to the physician as the very fabric of the realm began to buzz.
“Her what?”
Your heart dropped at the measured knock. You stilled completely in a moment of utter shock as his voice called from outside your chambers.
“Would you let me in?”
The thought of him entering seemed to spur you on, as you tossed the covers aside and slipped out of your bed. You didn’t bother with shoes or proper clothing outside of your nightgown; you wouldn’t have time for any of that.
“I must speak with you,” he called out, but with the urgent way you moved towards the opposite exit of your chambers, you hadn’t noticed the shaking desperation in his voice.
He felt your presence at exit of your study, and with a thought he appeared at the other side of the door just as you opened it.
“No,” you whispered, with wide eyes as you stepped backwards. “No, please,” you begged in a shallow breath. You couldn’t seem to take your frantic eyes off of him, and when he took a step inside, you choked out a noise, strangled and pitiful, at the thought of him coming after you.
His brow furrowed at the sight and sound of your apprehension, but it was when you attempted to back away further that he truly broke.
You were so focused on his approach that you hadn’t noticed the chair leg at the back of your foot. A surprised yelp escaped you as you tumbled onto your backside, and as you looked up at him from your spot on the ground, all you could see was that night in Faerie.
So when he rushed forward to assist you, with concern trembling his outstretched hand, you assumed it shook with thinly-veiled fury. You shuffled backwards, your eyes wild and unable to tear away from him, your chest rising and falling erratically as you tried desperately to plead with him.
“I didn’t do anything, Dream! Please!” You cried, skittering backwards on your hands and feet until your back hit a wall. “I – I don’t know why I’ve become mortal, but please, you must believe me! I haven’t betrayed you! I would never! Please, don’t –”
And as he knelt down before you, your eyes squeezed shut as you placed a defensive arm around your belly. “Please don’t hurt me,” you wept, softly. “I’m sorry,” you cried.
“My heart,” he breathed softly, as his hand reached out caress your cheek. But you flinched then, turning in on yourself with shaking breaths, and it broke his heart. “That I ever made you fear me, made you think me capable of such brutality against you in this moment,” he breathed, exhaling in disgust of himself. “I shall never forgive myself for it,” he swallowed thickly, as he watched your frightened form backed into the corner.
Your eyes opened slowly, cautiously, at his delicate words. Your lips parted, trembling in fear and uncertainty as you pushed the words from your tongue.
“You’re – you’re not angry?”
“Oh, my love,” he exhaled, peering down at you. “No, of course not,” he assured you. He tested a hesitant smile then, as he continued. “And certainly not if you’ve become mortal for the reason I believe.”
“I didn’t betray you, Dream!” You rushed. “I haven’t lain with anyone but you! Vantaros or otherwise!”
“I know that,” he soothed. “You promised me something, centuries ago. Thirty years after that night in Faerie. That you would never love or care for me again. That you would hold nothing other than contempt and disdain for me from that day on,” he recalled with a plaintive smile. “You lied, my love.”
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The knock at the door elicited a deep groan from you as your head lolled back against the couch. With an extended sigh, you pushed off of your knees and approached the door with lumbering steps on your swollen feet. But your breath caught in your chest after a quick glance through your peep hole. You rolled your lip as you considered letting the knock go unanswered.
“I can see you blocking the other side of the peep hole,” Jo called out. “I know you’re there.”
“Why are you here, Jo?” You sighed, from behind the closed door.
“Maybe because you sent me a very mysterious text before being held captive by a fucking Endless and then never even bothering to let me know you were back home, safe and sound?”
“I should have told you I was fine,” you conceded, leaning your head against the door. “But it’s been months since I’ve been back. Why’re you here now?”
“Well, with all the warding and protection you’ve been using,” she chuckled. “It took me a while to locate you.”
“So you’ve spent months looking for me when you didn’t even know for sure that I was back in the Waking World?” You questioned slowly. Your wards were directed primarily against Dream, rather than mortals. And certainly one as resourceful and practiced in magic as Johanna should have been able to find you far sooner.
“Look, can we have this conversation inside?” She asked, before glancing around the hallway. A quick glance at your rounded belly reminded you that if she were here because of him, your pregnancy would definitely be reported back to him.
“He told you,” you realized, ignoring her attempt to enter your home. “And he’s asked you to find me now,” you breathed, before double-checking that you had bolted the locks.
“Fine, yes,” Jo sighed. “But just to give you this,” she added, before placing a book in view of the peephole. “He said it was one-of-a-kind and he wanted you to have it. That’s all.”
With a hand pressed to the door, you peered at the book and your lips parted as you recognized it.
A breath of relief sounded from Johanna and she stepped back as you undid the deadbolt, but left the chain lock in place as you opened the door. You stuck your hand out through the slight opening and she stared at your expectant grasp.
“You really not gonna let me in?” She wondered, staring at your outstretched hand with a quirked brow.
“Just give me the book, Jo,” you sighed, before reaching out further.
She passed it to you after a moment, before adding, “It’s not enchanted with a tracking spell or anything. I checked.” You pulled your hand and the book inside, peering down at it as she continued. “I know what he did to you, and I’m not excusing it, but I think he wants to make it up to you.” She paused for a moment, before taking your silence as a cue to continue. “I – I know how close you two were, and –”
You slammed the door closed before she could voice the sentiments you knew would test your resolve to remain hidden from him. She sighed heavily at the act before turning from your door and exiting the building.
You moved back towards the couch with your gaze still fixed on the book in your hand, flipping it open in your lap as soon as you sat down. Your fingers traced over the ink, over his handwriting, and you imagined him asking Johanna to give this to you. And you inhaled sharply as you felt Declan kick from within you.
“What, can you tell this is from the Dreaming, or something?” You laughed. “You can tell that your father wrote this?” And you couldn’t help but giggle at the kick that came then as an apparent response. “Of course you can,” you sighed with a soft smile, as your hand moved to soothe over your belly. “You know, he translated this just for me,” you began, and a wistful smile graced your features as you flipped the pages. You landed on the dreamwalking spell and paused. “And it all started because someone used this spell to try and take control of his realm,” you recounted fondly, as you recalled the circumstances which led you to meet Dream. “Hey,” you wondered, as you looked down at your midsection. “Wanna hear a story, Decky?”
Eating had become far more difficult than the first time around. You couldn’t really keep anything down and whatever you could stomach, you could only do so in small amounts. Dream, of course, was utterly unnerved by this, and had Taramis cook a slew of dishes for you to see what you could keep down. You had told him his gestures were incredibly sweet, but unnecessary, though he remained unconvinced. So you swallowed down the nearest dish and begged him to let Taramis stand down.
He agreed reluctantly and finally agreed to let you rest, to your relief. Because the true reason eating had become more difficult, was him. You’d never admit it to him, of course, which is why you were creeping out of bed moments after he left your side.
There was only one thing you were craving and you knew you’d be able to keep it down because it was all you could keep down for the first couple of months when you were pregnant with Declan. It was all you could bring yourself to eat, after you were forced to eat it for two weeks straight.
You checked both sides of the hallway before passing through to enter the kitchen. You stepped inside quietly, checking the pantry for ingredients. You had managed to copycat the version you had grown accustomed to here in the Dreaming with a variation of oats and cornmeal crushed and combined with water to form a thick paste. You stared down at it and you grimaced at how unappealing it looked, but you couldn’t help the way your mouth began to water at the sight of it.
“Can I zhuzh that up a bit for you, ma’am?” Taramis asked, slowly, as she entered the kitchen, approaching you and eyeing the bowl before you.
“Oh, um, no, thank you,” you smiled, as you looked up at her. “It’s alright,” you assured her, pulling the bowl out of sight.
“Are you sure? Maybe just a dash of cinnamon? Or brown sugar?” She offered, before a thought occurred to her. “I’ve got some lovely lavender honey that would sweeten that right up,” she suggested, with an expectant look.
“Oh, that’s okay. I prefer the actual gruel my now-husband forced me to eat for two weeks,” you thought, and your throat began to ache. “That’s alright, Taramis. I don’t think I’d be able to keep that down. Best to keep it simple, I think,” you explained with a barely convincing smile.
“Alright, love,” she nodded slowly, passing you a spoon before leaving you to your porridge.
You twirled the spoon in the slurry as you recalled your first reaction to the dish. You were so frustrated that Dream had used it to show you that he was watching your every move, but that he refused to speak to you or tell you what he had planned for you. So you lashed out, whipping the bowl against the wall, just for him to offer you another bowl. And of course, you whipped that one, too, but it didn’t reappear like the first time. In fact, nothing appeared for two whole days. After the first day, you had fantasized about the gruel you had splattered on the wall. That night, you realized you would have licked it clean off the wall if it were still there. Even if it were two days old.
And yet despite all of the humiliation and debasement, you had somehow not only let this same man back into your life, but you had married him and were now carrying his second child.
Your tears splashed into the bowl and you recalled the twelfth day of your imprisonment, when the same event had occurred.
The saltwater splash in your bowl of gruel came when you realized that he could simply keep you here until you grew old and died, or, he could maintain your youth and keep you here for eons. Ages and ages of loneliness and solitude without ever hearing another voice again. You wouldn’t stick around for that, you decided, so you stepped away from your bed and tried to pry off one of the metal legs. It took a bit of strength and time, but you eventually wrenched it free and you eyed the jagged edge for a moment before placing it on the inside of your forearm. You pressed the edge down, ready to drag it down to your wrist, when it disappeared from your hold.
There was a soft whump behind you, and for a moment, you really thought it would be him. But you turned to find your cot missing and only the mattress left against the stone floor.
“Just kill me already!” You screamed out into the empty room, knowing he was watching you. “Or let me do it myself!” You had wept, before falling to your knees.
“You’ve found something to eat, then?” Your head whipped up at the sound of his voice. You grabbed the bowl out of his sight and hid it behind you.
“No, I – I tried, but I couldn’t keep it down,” you lied, as you backed away towards the sink. He moved closer with a smile playing on his lips.
“What are you hiding, little witch?” He teased, as his hands moved around you to pull at whatever was behind your back.
“Dream, stop,” you warned him, as you maneuvered the bowl into the sink and out of his reach. You moved to turn on the faucet and drown the porridge to a watery, unidentifiable mix, but he looked over your shoulder and caught a glimpse before the tap could run.
“Oh.”
You watched him with cautious eyes, rolling your lip at the way he couldn’t seem to look away from the bowl.
“It was the only thing I could keep down when I was pregnant with Declan,” you explained. “I guess I was so used to eating it back then, that nothing else would do. And, I was just craving it now, I guess,” you added, in a small voice, before turning back towards the bowl.
A drip from the faucet splattered against the gruel and you swallowed thickly as you recalled when your tears had fallen into the mush the same way during your imprisonment.
“You actually made me eat this for weeks,” you blinked, as you stared down at the unappetizing bowl of gruel that still made your mouth water.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped against his aching throat. He watched you roll your trembling lip between your teeth in a pitiful attempt to keep from sobbing. “I know what that did to you, dear witch, and I know I can never make it right, but I’m sorry,” he breathed.
“I know, but,” you paused, with a hesitation that broke him. Despite all this time and every loving act, his devotion to you still remained in question. “Maybe it’s something I just can’t shake, but I’ll always know that you’re capable of that,” you realized, as a tear dripped from your face. “That at any given moment, you could imprison me again.”
“I wouldn’t,” he rushed, stepping closer to you as he tried desperately to reassure you. “I would never do that again. I love you, my dear witch, and I could never hurt you after everything we’ve been through together.”
“Didn’t you love me then?” You wondered, looking up at him with teary eyes. “When you released me and we slept together, you told me you knew you loved me. And you still did this,” you explained, and his lips parted in devastation. “You can say you love me all you want, but that just means you’re still capable of throwing me down in that cell.”
“That’s not true, dear witch,” he breathed, taking a step closer, but you maintained the distance by taking a step back.
“Don’t call me that,” you shook your head, backing away until you hit the sink. You weren’t sure if it was the putrid scent of the gruel that pulled back to your time down below or the way he couldn’t seem to answer your question, but your unresolved struggles seemed to coalesce at that moment.
“You actually kept me locked in a dungeon for weeks. And I actually slept with you, despite that,” you laughed bitterly at yourself. “And – and not only did I marry you, but now I’m carrying your second child!” He swallowed thickly as you continued to break down through this tirade of self-realization. “Just because I was so pathetic and weak that I slept with the man who imprisoned me,” you breathed, before your gaze dipped once again. You blinked away the tears, took an unsteady exhale, and finally shook your head. “I need to go,” you realized, before turning and walking away from him.
“Where are you going?” He called out after you, but you didn’t respond. He pleaded for you to return, but you didn’t turn to him. You simply walked, taking step after step away from him.
The sun had long passed its zenith when Dream decided to check in on Declan. To his disappointment, you weren’t in your son’s room, but he still smiled fondly as he watched him wake from his nap.
“Daddy!” He called out, at the sight of Dream in his doorway. Dream approached his bed with a soft smile at his excitement, but it faltered when Declan peered around him. “Where’s Mommy?” He wondered with a frown.
“Mummy’s resting,” Dream lied, and while it seemed to do for now, with the way Declan reached his arms out for him, Dream knew the excuse wouldn’t work for long.
The rest of the evening was as painful as he expected. You had been with Declan for every moment of his life, so his need for you was something Dream had anticipated, but Declan’s stubbornness and desperate wailing for you was not.
“Declan, you must eat,” Dream ordered, his frustration cutting through his voice and twisting the spoon in his hand.
“No,” Declan pouted. “I want Mommy,” he countered, his tiny hands turning to fists as he voiced his demands.
“If you don’t eat, you won’t see Mummy,” Dream concluded, and at Declan’s silence, he thought his change in tactics had finally worked. But then his lip began to quiver and Dream’s eyes went wide as his son began to cry. “No, Declan, I’m sorry,” he tried, but it was no use; hot tears rolled down his face and the hall filled with the sound of his wails. “You’ll see Mummy, I promise, just stop crying,” he rushed, with a hand to his cheek, trying to soothe him as he had seen you do so many times before. But the touch seemed wrong to him, as he swatted his father’s hand away from him and pushed the plate to the floor amid another wailing sob.
The act pushed Dream over the edge and he rose from his chair beside Declan to stare down at him as thunder rolled outside. The plate returned anew before Declan as the light faded, and Dream spoke in a low voice. “Eat your dinner,” he ordered, as his eyes turned dark and his patience wore out.
Declan peered up at him with large eyes and a trembling lip before wriggling in his chair to get as far as he could from his father. His small hands came up in front of his face as he tried desperately to hide from Dream as he wept quietly. And Dream swallowed thickly as he realized it was exactly how you had reacted when he had released you from your stone room and terrified you at dinner.
“Declan, I’m sorry,” he breathed, as the thunder cleared and he moved to pull his son from his chair. Declan fought Dream at every move, clinging to the chair to avoid his father’s grasp, and eventually, Dream gave up and simply forced him to sleep with a pinch of sand. He appeared in his room then, tucking him into bed gently before disappearing to find you.
You were sat under a banyan tree on the palace grounds with your knees pulled up to your chest when he found you.
“Whatever you’re going through, whatever meltdown you’re having, you do not abandon your son like that!” He chastised, approaching you with a fury that shook the ground around you. Your fingernails dug harsh red crescents into your knees, but you didn’t speak as you weathered his wrath. “Are you listening to me?!” He demanded, at your lack of response.
“All I’m hearing is that you can’t take care of your own kid for a few hours,” you muttered, staring down at your toes. “Because I didn’t abandon him, I left him with you: his father.”
“Return to the palace at once,” he ordered in a low voice, as he ignored your observation. You turned at his words then.
“Or what?” You asked, as you peered up at him. “You’ll force me to?”
“If I must,” he gritted out.
“You really haven’t changed,” you realized, as you shook your head at him. “When everything’s fine, you’re calm, and you’re understanding, and you’re sweet. But the moment things get tough, the moment you have a chance to blame me, you threaten to take me against my will,” you scoffed, before looking back down at your toes. “Well, at least this time, you only threatened me. Last time you just did it. That’s progress, I guess,” you chuckled, bitterly.
“Our son needs you,” he insisted. “And I will do whatever I must to ensure his happiness.”
“Using your son as an excuse to treat me like shit again? Well, that’s not progress,” you shook your head as you chided him.
“Enough!” He resounded, and the tree swayed with the force of his word. “Declan is in tears without you. He needs you. If you were any kind of mother, you would –”
“You shut the fuck up right now, Dream,” you threatened in a low voice as you rose to your feet. “Don’t you ever question my devotion to him as his mother,” you warned, sticking a scolding finger in his chest. “I left because I thought he would be safe with you while I figured out whatever is going on with me. But clearly I was wrong, so excuse me, but apparently our child needs a parent,” you fumed, before moving past him. You bent the realm to your will and appeared beside Declan in the blink of an eye.
You sighed with a soft smile at the sight of him in his bed. You pulled the covers aside gently, sliding in next to him as soundlessly as possible, but the moment he felt you near him, his eyes shot open and he nuzzled into you.
“Mommy!” He squealed excitedly, and your arms closed around him with a soft laugh.
“Hi baby,” you sighed, before pressing a kiss to his head.
“I missed you,” he pouted, but it was his next sentiment that broke your heart. “Daddy’s scary.”
Your blood boiled and your jaw clenched as you pictured every way Dream could have possibly scared your son. But you felt your hands tighten around Declan and you forced yourself to relax for his sake.
“Get some sleep, honey,” you deflected, as you rubbed soothing circles at his back to lull him to sleep.
Dream appeared in the room a moment later and the sight of you holding his child in your arms so lovingly parted his lips. He watched the smiles on your faces, the one he tried desperately to elicit from Declan to no avail, and he breathed brokenly at how he had hurt both of you in one day.
He recalled when the Crone had cut your string and both of you had come to the realm to stay permanently. You had ordered him to join the two of you in his bed and he longed for that now – to share in the content happiness you both reveled in now.
But you felt his presence in the room and without opening your eyes, you spoke in a low voice that tolled louder than his thunder. “Get out.”
When the morning rays streamed in through the windows too bright to ignore any longer, you forced yourself to weather the hallway and enter your chambers with the hope that Dream wouldn’t be there. You released the breath you hadn’t noticed holding in when you found the rooms empty and rushed to get ready for the day before heading back to Declan’s chambers.
When you were certain that he was still fast asleep, you crept out of your son’s room and stormed through the hallways to find his father.
You burst through his study, not bothering to knock, but found no trace of him, so you continued in your search. The low rumble of his voice carried through the corridor to you, so you turned sharply then, following it down to the throne room.
“We need to talk,” you announced, as you entered the hall, the doors slamming open with a resounding bang. Your voice rang low and wavered with fury as you clenched your fists tight enough to bleed. He looked from the pair of dreamfolk he was addressing to you, watching your anger tense along your jaw and he knew your obstinacy wouldn’t let you leave.
“Leave us,” he directed the audience, without taking his eyes off of you. They departed wordlessly, with a curt bow to him and you.
After the doors closed behind the departing dreamfolk, Dream vanished in a whirlwind of sand and appeared before you at the foot of the winding stairway.
“What did you do to Declan last night?” You questioned, as the sand cleared.
“Nothing,” he maintained, his fingers twitching at his side as he tried to steady the lie in his voice.
“Really?” You asked, folding your arms against your chest. “Then why is Declan telling me, ‘Daddy’s scary?’”
He peered down at you then, his stoic exterior fading as regret softened his voice. “He said that?”
“What did you do?” You gritted out, ignoring the way shame pulled his gaze from yours.
“I – I lost my patience with him,” he admitted. “I didn’t want him to go to bed without dinner, but he refused to eat without you. He threw the plate aside and I raised my voice. I – I think I manipulated the weather and –”
Your lips parted as you recalled the day he released you from your stone room, when darkness filled the room at his will and he terrified you to the point of tears. “You saw the way that act sent me running away in tears all those years ago and thought, ‘That’ll be the perfect way to deal with a two year-old?’ What is wrong with you?!”
“It’s not as though I planned it!” He retorted. “If you had been here to watch him, this never would have happened!”
“Right, because it’s my fault you can’t watch your own kid for a few hours!” You laughed, bitterly. “Fucking father of the year,” you scoffed, under your breath.
He had left your previous insult slide, but no longer, he thought. He stepped closer to you as he spoke. “My abilities as a father are not in question here,” he fumed. “I never had any of these issues with Orpheus. The only difference between him and Declan is that Orpheus had a mother who actually looked after him!” He spat. “Calliope never would have let something like this happen.”
Your mouth ran dry and your eyes stung at his words. Whatever retort you had died on your tongue, leaving you standing before him with parted lips and no reply. Dream was well-aware of your insecurities as the mother of his child; you had told him how unbecoming you knew it was for someone like him to have a child out of wedlock with someone like you, but he had quelled those thoughts of doubt and insecurity then, only to throw them back in your face now.
You swallowed thickly in an attempt to clear your aching throat, but your voice came out strangled and broken, anyway. “Fuck you, Dream.”
You turned sharply then, your hand wiping harshly at your teary eyes as you left him standing in quiet guilt.
“Wait!” He called after you, following after you as you stepped quickly towards the doors of the grand hall. “I didn’t mean that!” He rushed, reaching for your wrist. But you twisted out of his hold, yanking your arm free of him as you approached the looming doorway. He appeared before you then, standing in the way of your exit.
“Get out of my way,” you cried softly, your humiliation lowering your gaze to your feet. But he remained unmoving, desperate to have you hear him out. “I know you wish it was Calliope instead of me who gave you this child and Declan,” you wept, brushing the back of your hand against you wet eyes. “But you didn’t need to throw it in my face like that!”
And his lips parted with an empty reply as he realized how deeply you had taken his words to heart.
It was almost nighttime in your region of the Waking World. Dream inspected the rolling hills of Fiddler’s Green, from every wildflower to the exact luscious green hue that filled the beloved region. A fluttering cascade of butterflies joined together to form the dream’s human shape, Gilbert, before Dream.
“Is there any particular reason for this rather meticulous inspection, my lord?” He wondered, with his hands clasped behind his back. He watched him look out over the remaining landscape, his mind clearly preoccupied with something he preferred to keep hidden. But there was something in his stare, in the way he looked out over landscape that seemed to brighten the Dream Lord in a way Gilbert had not seen for years now. “Or this rather glorious weather we’ve enjoyed for a few hours now? It’s quite a bit warmer than it’s been in years,” he remarked.
Dream peered at him for a moment as he carefully considered his words. He hadn’t expected his reunion with you and the knowledge of his son to show quite so obviously on him, but he couldn’t help it, he supposed. Not only had you agreed to see him and let him back into your life, but you had also given him such a beautiful child. And a slow smile pulled at his lips as he pictured you and Declan joining him here, in Fiddler’s Green in only a short while.
“I’ll be meeting with two dreamers here shortly,” he began. “One you may recall: a witch, who assisted me in a matter with some lucid dreamers a few years back,” he explained.
“Yes, I remember her,” Gilbert nodded, with a fond smile, recalling the pleasant conversations you two often shared. “It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen her,” he noted, carefully broaching the sensitive topic to avoid pushing his prideful ruler too far.
“For me, as well,” Dream responded, solemnly. “But I’ve spoken with her today,” he continued, in a lighter tone. “And she’s agreed to meet with me here.”
“And the second dreamer?”
Dream smiled softly as he recalled the way Declan had demanded to see the realm immediately and he looked out over the region now, hoping that it would live up to his son’s expectations.
“Her son,” Dream responded. He hated the way the words rendered him separate from the family he longed for, but he forced it anyway, assuming it was what you wanted.
But Gilbert had caught the fond smile on Dream’s face with a look of light suspicion. “‘Her’ son?” Gilbert asked, tilting his head with a knowing smile. Dream considered him for a moment before realizing his joy was far too apparent to hide from the watchful eye of Fiddler’s Green.
“Our son,” Dream corrected, and his lip twitched at the sudden sense of pride that filled him at the simple words.
“I know you think she would have done a better job than me, but I—I’m trying my best, Dream!” You wept softly, with your eyes glued to the ground in humiliation.
“Of course I want you to be the mother of my children,” he breathed. He had once subconsciously bathed the entire realm in glorious sunshine after learning that you had mothered his child. But now he had let you believe that was something he had never wanted. Something that he resented, even. “I don’t wish it were her,” he assured you, and he reached out to pull your hands from your eyes. “I’ve only ever wanted it to be you. I only want you, my dear witch,” he spoke softly, before thumbing away at your tears.
“Then why did you say that, Dream? Why would you say that when you know how… inadequate I feel next to her?” You asked, finally peering up at him.
His head hung low then, as he forced himself to admit his reason for uttering such a hurtful falsity. “I only said it because I knew it would hurt you,” he admitted. “Because I wanted you to hurt the way I did when you said I couldn’t care for my own child.”
And as you watched the shame and guilt that tore his gaze away, you couldn’t help but feel a matching sense of regret for own words against him.
“I – I shouldn’t have said that,” you sighed, as your gaze fell from him. “That wasn’t fair. I’ve been taking care of Declan for years now. I can’t expect you to have that same experience with him after only a few months. And it’s not like I’ve never lost my temper in front of him.”
“You have?” He wondered, and the relief brought his gaze to you made it all click for you. It was his fear of failing as Declan’s father that spurred his cutting remarks last night and this morning. It wasn’t an excuse, of course, but it offered an explanation for his words outside of him truly believing that Calliope was a better mother than you.
“Yeah, let’s just say I have lost a lot of security deposits because of that kid,” you chuckled softly. “This isn’t something I should have expected you to learn overnight,” you sighed. “I’m sorry, Dream. I’ve just spent so long protecting him that even hearing he was upset last night set me off. But I shouldn’t have blamed you,” you added, before taking a cautious step closer to him. “I’m sorry,” you admitted in a soft voice as your hand reached out for his. Your fingers brushed his gingerly, in an entirely unsure contact that he rushed to affirm by clutching your hand tightly in his.
“And you must know,” he began gently, as his thumb brushed over your knuckles. “I can’t imagine anyone caring for our child better than you have. With everything the two of you have been through, the fact that you’ve ensured his happiness and safety though all of it is nothing short of extraordinary,” he sighed, before swallowing thickly. “And I’m sorry I made you think otherwise.”
Dream’s fingers tensed around your wrist and you knew he was moments away from pulling you in to him. But the thought of him holding you close now churned your stomach, so you pulled your hand free of him with an excuse ready on your tongue.
“I should go wake Declan up,” you explained with a short sniffle, taking a slow step back. You forced a smile and he his brow furrowed at the way it didn’t seem to reach your eyes. He swallowed thickly, but nodded his acceptance of your excuse to escape him.
You stepped towards Declan’s chambers in a languid daze, enjoying the peace and solitude that allowed you to confront the truth that had you so hesitant to be held by your husband. He had voiced his apologies, his regrets for levying such disparaging words against you, but you couldn’t ignore the catalyst for his words: you leaving Declan with him while you broke down from your earlier trauma. How long would it be before you had another incident that required Dream to care for your son on his own? Would he chastise you again for leaving Declan while you broke down? And as you considered his words from last night, you couldn’t help the tears that began to fall at the sound of his blaming you.
“Whatever you’re going through, whatever meltdown you’re having, you do not abandon your son like that!”
With harsh sniffle and a quick wipe at your eyes, you opened the door to Declan’s chambers to rouse him gently from his sleep.
“What do you say we go down to the Southern Village today?” You asked him, as you helped him dress. “We could go to the chocolate shop there,” you suggested with a smile, and an eager grin appeared on his face as he nodded vigorously. You knelt down to put on his shoes and frowned when you noticed him fidgeting. “What is it, Decky?”
“Is Daddy coming?”He wondered in a small voice, as he pulled at his fingers in his lap.
“Do you want him to?” You asked, peering up at him carefully. You weren’t sure which answer you dreaded more: either he would be too terrified to see his father after last night or you would be forced into close contact with him while you were still reeling from the blame he had placed on you for seeking solitude while you broke down.
“I dunno,” he muttered, with his gaze fixed on his wiggling toes now. “Is he going to be scary?”
“No, baby,” you assured him, taking his small hands in yours. “He’s not going to be scary again, I promise.”
He nodded shortly, considering your assurances in deep thought before looking back at you with his decision. “Daddy can come.”
You couldn’t help the small laugh that left you at his curt permission. “Alright then,” you nodded, before swallowing thickly as you considered having to return to Dream’s side for your son’s sake. But it was for him, you reminded yourself.
So you forced a smile as you placed his second shoe on before holding out a hand that he eagerly took. You walked through the corridor swinging his tiny hand in yours, and you had finally settled on another game of hide-and-seek with new boundaries when you arrived at Dream’s study.
You knocked at the door, hoping desperately for the silence that would mark his absence in the room, but he called for you to enter, so you turned the knob with a deep breath.
He looked up from his desk to watch you enter with Declan in hand. His lips parted as he rose from behind his desk and he tested a hesitant smile at you, hopeful that whatever had urged you to leave him earlier had gone now.
You peered at him for a moment, before turning back to Declan. “Hey, Decky, would you give Daddy and me a second?” You asked. He nodded shortly before settling in a nearby chair as you approached Dream. He moved from behind his desk to meet you, his smile dropping at the rather forlorn way you approached him.
“Yeah, so,” you began hesitantly, your gaze falling to your feet as you pleaded for him to join you. “Declan and I were planning to visit the Southern Village and,” you paused, pulling at your fingers, much the way Declan had only moments earlier. “He’d like it if you’d join us.”
“He would?” Dream wondered, and at your short nod, he glanced over at Declan who was tracing lines over the armchair he sat in. “Of course I’ll join you,” he rushed, but the resignation you wore gave him pause. “If it’s alright with you.”
“Yeah, of course,” you lied, with an unconvincing smile.
He considered you for a moment before accepting your falsity as a way to learn what was eating at you. His gaze shifted to Declan then, watching the way he traced lines over his seat, completely oblivious to your conversation.
“Could I speak with him?” He asked softly. “About last night?”
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” you nodded, before moving aside to allow Dream to approach Declan. He knelt before him and your heart broke as you watched Declan wriggle further into the armchair and away from his father. Dream’s lips parted at the sight of his son turning in on himself much the same way you had when you rediscovered your stone room.
“Honey, it’s okay,” you comforted Declan, as you moved to perch atop the chair’s arm. You rubbed his cheek lightly and he peered at you for reassurance, which you gave in the form of a soft smile and a nod. “Daddy wanted to say sorry about last night,” you explained, before looking down at Dream, to find him watching your son with pleading eyes. He remained in the far corner of the chair, but turned carefully towards Dream.
“I’m so sorry, Declan,” he breathed. “I lost my temper and I never meant to scare you, my son,” he assured him. He reached slowly for his fisted hand, which he gave after a moment and his grip loosened in his father’s hold. “I love you, Decky, and the last thing I want is to frighten you,” he explained, before looking to you to extend the sentiments to you, as well. “Would you forgive me?”
He peered at him for a moment before wiggling out of the corner of the chair to near Dream. “You won’t be scary again?” Declan checked, suspiciously.
“Never,” he vowed. Declan nodded his acceptance shortly before reaching his hands out in a grabbing motion towards him. Dream breathed a soft, relieved laugh before picking him up. He turned to you as he rose with his son in his arms, but his relieved smile faltered at the hesitant way your gaze dropped from his.
“Have I done something wrong?” He wondered, projecting his voice to your mind to keep Declan in the dark.
“We should get going,” you cleared your aching throat, tearing your gaze from the sight of Dream caring so delicately for your son.
Dream watched you drop your gaze from them carefully, but he didn’t press you further. Instead, the three of you disappeared in a whirlwind of sand to arrive in the town square.
“Chock-it,” Declan demanded, as soon as the sand had cleared, pointing in the direction of the shop he had grown fond of. Dream smiled fondly at the way his son seemed to recall the exact location of the store, but you were quick to shut down his demand for sweets.
“Not yet, bud,” you informed him. “Breakfast first,” you explained before turning in the direction of a small café. Dream followed after you with Declan in his arms, who pouted up at him in a silent plea to overrule your decision.
“Mummy’s right,” Dream confirmed, and Declan’s displeased pout persisted as he laid his head against his father’s shoulder in wordless resignation.
The café’s owner rushed out at the sight of the three of you, wiping her hands quickly against her apron before greeting you with a wide smile.
“Good morning, my lord!” She welcomed, brightly. “My lady, and oh! The little lord,” she gushed as she turned towards Declan, who offered a shy wave from his father’s arms. She gestured you inside and you forced a smile as you followed after Dream.
It must have looked so perfect, you thought. To all the dreamfolk and dreamers who had wandered into the small café, you must have seemed the perfect family: mother and father fussing over their child, who couldn’t seem to finish his meal without getting food everywhere but his mouth. You watched Dream wipe at Declan’s cheek with a napkin, only for him to take another messy bite and stain the same spot of his cheek with more food.
You watched Dream exhale in defeat as he lowered the napkin and a small laugh bubbled from you. The sound delighted him, and he looked to you in a desperate hope for any sign that the melancholy you wore had faded. But your lips pressed to a thin line as his eyes connected with yours, before your gaze dipped low.
“Is there something wrong with your food, my lady?”
You looked up to find the owner at your side, glancing from you to the untouched plate before you.
“Um, no,” you breathed. “It’s fine, I’m just, um,” you rambled nervously, before looking to Dream. After your argument last night and the nagging feeling that had pulled you from his arms this morning, you weren’t sure if this was something he wanted known.
“She’s with child,” he explained, after a glance at you. He smiled softly at the thought of you showing in just a few months, when he wouldn’t even need to utter the words for everyone to know you were carrying his child. But he watched your gaze fall away from his once more, and his contentedness faded.
“Well, that’s wonderful news!” She raved, as she turned back to you.
“Thank you,” you breathed, with a forced smile, before turning your attentions back to your plate. “It’s just that nothing’s sitting quite right, yet,” you explained, as you glanced back up at her.
“Maybe I could bring you something else then, my lady?” She offered. “Perhaps some plain toast?”
A polite refusal was hot on your tongue when Dream leaned closer to you. “You should eat something,” he implored. “Please,” he added softly, and you recalled the same desperation in him when Declan was missing and he begged you to eat something. Your throat ached at how sweet he seemed now and back then, but you couldn’t forget how he had blamed you last night. You couldn’t make a scene here, though. You couldn’t burst into tears, or run as far away from him as you wanted to, because you knew what this looked like to the dreamfolk who surrounded you now.
So you smiled your approval to the owner and she left with your plate and a promise to return in a few moments. He watched your downcast eyes, your forced smile, the rigid posture you wore, and his heart ached as he wondered what he had done wrong now.
You forced down a bite of toast before turning your attentions to Declan. You felt Dream’s eyes on you still, so you forced a smile that turned genuine as you moved to clean the remnants of his last bite from Declan’s face.
“Daddy?” Declan spoke up as you pulled the napkin from his face. Dream turned to him with a soft hum or acknowledgment, and he continued. “How’d you make the thunder last night?”
He peered at Declan for a moment, unsure how to broach this incident in which he had terrified his son to the point of tears. But you reached forward then, placing a gentle, grounding hand to his, as you spoke.
You had picked up a few tricks after these months in the Dreaming, including ways to have a private conversation with Dream even with your son in the room.
“He’s not upset,” you assured him, with a soft smile. “He’s just curious.”
He watched you carefully before letting himself be comforted by your assurance that his son was no longer terrified of him. Turning to Declan then, he spoke softly to ensure he remained that way.
“Well, Decky, the Dreaming is an extension of myself,” He began slowly. Declan nodded his understanding as he peered attentively at his father. “And if I allow my emotions to overwhelm me, sometimes it shows in the realm’s weather.”
Declan considered his words with a furrowed brow before asking, “Can you make it snow?”
“Oh, no,” you muttered under your breath. You rubbed at your forehead with a sigh, but you couldn’t help but smile when you heard Dream’s response.
“Why don’t you tell me?” He replied, with a nod towards the window of the café.
A soft gasp fell from Declan as his eyes grew wide. As the snowflakes drifted through the street, pedestrians took cover under store eaves. Some smiled at the unlikely weather, while others grumbled their grievances, but safe and warm inside the café, Declan grinned as his favorite season seemed to come early.
“You know, this is exactly what I meant when I said he’s getting spoiled,” you chided lightly, as you leaned over the table towards Dream. But you couldn’t help the smile you wore at Declan’s excitement, and neither could Dream.
“Just for today,” he conceded, but you knew this would be the first of many unseasonably snowy days.
“Yeah, sure it is,” you muttered, with a knowing look. You pursed your lips and narrowed yours eyes at him in lighthearted anger before directing Declan’s attention back to his breakfast.
With the incentive of playing in the snow, Declan was quick to finish his meal, and soon the three of you left the restaurant with curt gratitude and farewells to head off to the nearby park.
A small parka materialized in your hands at your will and you knelt down before Declan to zip him into it. You fashioned gloves next, slipping them onto his fidgeting hands as he pleaded for you to let him out into the snow. You finally relented when you were satisfied with his thoroughly bundled form and straightened then to magic a coat of your own. But when you turned, you found Dream standing at your side already holding a coat he had fashioned just for you.
You peered at him with a hesitant smile, thanking him softly as he helped you into it. But his own expectant smile faded as he caught the melancholy that prevented your smile from reaching your eyes.
You pushed open the café door, bristling lightly at the cold wind as you stepped out onto the street. Declan raced out then, and Dream followed after with a soft breath of laughter at his son’s excitement.
“Hey, slow down, bud!” You called out after Declan. He stopped then, turning around to wait for you and Dream with a displeased pout.
Dream moved to your side then, and you knew how he ached to hold you. But the accusation he had levied against you and the blame he had thrown upon you, still ached your throat and stung your eyes. So you moved to pick up Declan and busy your hands with holding him.
Dream watched the way you moved quickly to hold Declan and his heart ached with the thought that his apologies weren’t enough. That perhaps you wanted nothing to do with him. It would explain why you stepped away when he planned to pull you into his embrace. And he swallowed thickly at the thought that you might leave him.
He had considered it once: letting you and Declan build a life without him and the pain he had caused you. But you had dismissed his offer and quelled his worries before he could truly consider the outcome of such an act. That was before he had accused you of failing your responsibilities as a mother, though. Before he had blamed you for leaving Declan with him.
He looked over at you, but you were too busy now conversing with Declan about his preference for a brother or sister. You laughed lightly as he demanded a little brother and Dream swallowed thickly at the thought of never seeing the two of you like this again. Of losing both of you, when he had already gone through the agony of losing each of you individually. And the thought of losing this next child, of missing their infancy just as he had missed Declan’s, crushed him.
So when the park came into view, and you let Declan down to play in the falling snow, Dream reached out to grab your wrist, holding you at his side.
“We’ll be right here, Decky,” Dream called out to him, and at Declan’s short nod of approval, he turned to you. You were already peering up at him, and to his relieved surprise, you didn’t look away. He watched your lips part and he knew you would voice some excuse to leave his side, so he spoke quickly and forced the vulnerable words from his tongue.
“Please don’t leave me,” he rushed, and you blinked at him before furrowing your brow. “I’ll do anything, but please, don’t leave and take the children from me,” he pleaded, and his hand moved from your wrist to clutch your fingers with the same desperation that frenzied his eyes and wavered his voice.
“I’m not leaving, Dream,” you assured him, and you exhaled softly at the power your words had over him: they slacked his shoulders and softened his gaze, and pulled a shaky, relieved breath from his lips. “And I’d never take the kids from you.”
A hesitant smile twitched his lips at your words. But your gaze turned distant then and his lips parted in silent devastation as you pulled your hand from his. “But you have your reservation about staying with me,” he realized.
You had looked up to find his heart breaking when a hushed whisper from a dreamer a few feet from you caught your attention. “I think we should have this conversation somewhere else,” you suggested, glancing discretely at the dreamers and dreamfolk who were watching this scene unfold. “People are staring, Dream.”
“Let them stare,” he replied, without taking his eyes off of you. “Do you no longer love me?” He wondered softly.
“Of course I do,” you admitted, softly. But your gaze fell and you pressed your lips to a line as you tried to explain what you had been struggling with all day. “But Dream, you blamed me for leaving Declan with you because I had a breakdown,” you breathed, and he swallowed thickly under the guilt of your words. “When you found me outside by the palace grounds last night,” you paused, biting your trembling lip to keep from crying. “I thought you came to hold me, Dream. To help me through it,” you confessed in a broken whisper, and at the sight of you in tears, he ached to hold you close. “But then you said I abandoned Declan, and I,” you left out a shaky breath as the anger from that moment returned to you. “I only left because I didn’t want either of you to see me like that,” you explained, before looking back up at him. “After everything I’ve done to take care of him, how could think I’d abandon him like that?"
“I don’t think that,” he assured you. “And I should have been there to comfort you. But when I saw how afraid Declan was of me, how I’d hurt him, I knew it wouldn’t have happened if you were there,” he sighed, as shame dropped his gaze once more. “I blamed you for my own failings, and I’m sorry. But this was only one argument, my love. Please,” he begged softly, as his eyes pleaded with you. “Don’t leave me over one fight. I’ll never blame you for my own failings again. And I shall never frighten Declan again,” he vowed.
“I know you’re not going to scare him again, Dream,” you breathed, with a soft smile. “You love him so much and he loves you. That’s why he forgave you: he knows you didn’t mean it,” you explained. But your tone turned then, dropping your smile and your hand from his. “But you – you’ve gotta be patient with me, Dream,” you pled in a quiet voice with a downturned gaze. “You said you would; you said you would wait, and I know I’ve been here a while, but it still hurts sometimes, and I need you to be patient with me when that happens. I – I need you to take care of the kids and I really need you to not blame me when that happens, because believe me, I already feel like shit when it happens!” You laughed, bitterly. You swallowed thickly and forced your gaze to his. “I just, I just need to know you care about me enough to help me through this, Dream,” you whispered. And your gaze fell as you uttered the admission you worried would send him walking away from you. “Because I might never be whole. I might never be the way I was before those two weeks, and I,” you paused to swallow down a breath before continuing and looking to him with pleading, but determined eyes. “I need to know you’re okay with that.”
“I am,” he clutched your hand tightly, his desperation to convince you showing in the way he clung to you. “I do care for you enough to help you through this,” he rushed. “My dear witch, I love you so deeply, so desperately, and I shall never let that be overshadowed by anger again,” he assured you. “I’ll care for Declan and our next child,” he added, with a glance to your midsection. “Whenever you’re struggling, whenever you need me to. And if I err with them – which despite my best efforts, I’m certain I will – I will never blame you.”
You reached for his other hand then, and when both of his were securely in both of yours, you spoke, with your teary eyes never leaving his. “And I won’t fault you for messing up with them, Dream. I know you don’t mean to, and I’m sorry I did that,” you sniffled.
“Mommy!” Declan called out, and you both turned towards him to find him proudly displaying a small snowman, roughly his height.
“Looks great, baby!” You laughed shakily, wiping quickly at your tears.
“I think you’re missing something, Decky,” Dream called out. Declan frowned at Dream then, and a carrot nose appeared between the snowman’s stone eyes and smile. Declan smiled before running off to retrieve stick arms, and Dream turned back to you.
“I love you, dear witch,” he murmured softly. “And I’m sorry I hurt you,” he added. He placed a hesitant hand to the small of your back, and you let him, as your hands moved to his chest. He smiled at your touch and his held your face reverently before pulling you up to his lips.
But you pulled back, just short of his lips when you remembered where you were. “Dream, people are staring,” you laughed under your breath as your cheeks burned hot with embarrassment, despite the falling snow. But his hold on you only tightened as he refused to let you go.
“Let them,” he decided in a whisper against your lips and his eyes never leaving yours. “This is my realm, and I shall kiss my wife wherever I please,” he added, with a playful smile twitching his lips.
“Dream!” You giggled, as he pulled you back in to him and tilted your lips up to his. You let him have his way for only a moment more before tearing your lips from his and taking his hand in yours as you led him through the snow to join your son.
Summary: A humiliating ordeal is what you fear when Dream proposes holding an event.
Tags: angst, mentions of affairs
Series Masterlist
(GIF Creds to @dreamyhopes)
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“And if she’s anything like her mother, she’ll need you. She’ll need to see you all the time, every day. And she’d miss you terribly when she doesn’t.”
The shy way your eyes had dipped then, the soft tone you used to deliver the tender admission, and the delicate way you interlaced your fingers with his all brought a smile to his face.
Sunshine enveloped the entire realm the day after your dinner, and the warm afternoon beams scattered across his desk as he awaited your arrival.
He had no precedent to anticipate your presence: you hadn’t returned to his study since that very first day, but after last night’s dinner, he sat behind his desk, eagerly anticipating your arrival.
He didn’t bother hiding his disappointment when Lucienne entered a few moments later.
He accepted the revised files with a solemn expression, wounded by the way you couldn’t seem to face him after your tender words from last night. But his gaze shifted to Lucienne’s arms, and he frowned at the sight of a delicate box wrapped in ribbon.
“My lady asked that I deliver this, as well,” Lucienne smiled, as she caught him staring. He accepted it with quiet thanks and a reverent hold before placing it on his desk. She watched him pull the ribbon gently and remove the lid of the box.
The contents were as much a surprise to her as they were to him, but if the bashful smile you wore when you handed her the box was any indication, they would elicit a similar reaction from the Dream Lord. And as he placed the lid aside to spy the box’s contents, Lucienne’s smile stretched further at the one that spread across his face and brightened his eyes.
A tiny dress of dark velvet and chiffon was folded neatly inside. He pulled the soft material from the box, smiling softly as it unraveled and he pictured his daughter within it. A note fell from the delicate black dress to his desk and his lips twitched with amusement as he read your elegant handwriting.
“I suppose she could take after her father. Perhaps she’d like something like this, instead…”
“Thank you, Lucienne,” he breathed, with his eyes still fixed upon your note.
“There is something I would like to discuss with you.”
He stared at the page, at the dark ink he had traced across it, and his lip twitched with frustration as the message’s insufficiency stared back at him. The paper vaporized under his continued stare and he reached for another page from the dwindling pile to his right.
“Would you grace me with your presence this night?”
The paper weighed heavily in his hands as he read over the single meager message until it seemed the best he could do. Almost a month had passed since your dinner, and though you continued to review the cases he sent, you hadn’t been to see him. You had been the last to extend an invitation, so he felt it only right that he extend this next one.
So with a sigh, he deemed the message sufficient and placed it along with the bundle of files ready for your review.
“You know, most people don’t ask their pregnant wives to meet them such a far walk from their home,” you called out. You approached the wooden pagoda he stood underneath with your arms folded across your chest.
With your arms folded, the curve of your belly had become quite prominent, and he watched you with wide eyes then, blinking as he understood his err.
“I – I didn’t realize,” he breathed, before crossing the distance to you. “I simply thought this place would be best –”
His words were interrupted by a teasing smile you could no longer contain. A breath of light irritation left him and you bit your lip to keep from laughing at the way he shook his head at you.
“Are you alright, though?” He asked, his fingers twitching at his side as he ached to reach out for you.
“I am,” you assured him. You settled into an easy silence then, before you moved past him to look out over the stream that ran beside the pagoda. “I remember when you first made this for me,” you remarked, as your hands braced against the railing and you watched the waters lap gently against the river rocks. “I had told you of one of my favorites places in my land and the next day, when I arrived in the realm, this was here.”
“You were missing your home,” he frowned, as he moved to stand beside you. His hands landed upon the railing beside yours after a moment, his fingers dangerously close to yours. “I had the ability to recreate it, so of course I did.”
“You didn’t have to.” Your fingers skated along the wooden beam as a fond smile turned your lip. “It was very sweet, and I couldn’t imagine you creating such a thing just for me.”
“I’d do anything for you,” he breathed, turning to watch you carefully. You swallowed thickly at his words, and his heart tightened at the way you seemed to hold your tongue. “I would,” he insisted, his little finger brushing lightly against yours.
“I know,” you thought, but you couldn’t seem to admit to it. So you simply raised your little finger to wrap it tightly around his as you continued to look out over the river.
He watched the subtle movement, the quiet way you sought to acknowledge and accept his words without having to admit that you believed him. That you trusted his word. Because you couldn’t possibly voice such a sentiment with everything he had done to you. So he simply took the tender act as permission to continue, a sign that you would allow his next request.
“I asked you here for a reason,” he began, and you turned to glance at him. “Your people hold a festival when one is expecting her first child, and,” he paused to hold your hand properly then. “I would like to hold one for you,” he explained softly.
“You don’t have to do that,” you assured him with a polite smile, before your gaze dipped low. “I know what this is – what we are – and that festival certainly isn’t meant for this.”
“Meant for what?” He wondered, and whether his confusion came from ignorance or avoidance, you couldn’t help but force the words from your tongue.
“This child wasn’t conceived out of love, Morpheus.”
His hand slipped out of yours then, as his words rumbled low from him.
“How can you say that?” He wondered. “That this child was not made of our love?”
“Because she wasn’t,” you cried. “I couldn’t even bear to look at you then!”
“Can you not look at me now?”
You wiped at your eyes then, before slowly raising your gaze to him.
“That night, you were about to say something to me,” he recalled.
“No,” you shook your head as a harsh sniffle kept your cries at bay. “I was – it was simply something I had always said at such a time, and, and –”
“Liar,” he accused you, softly. He stepped closer to you then and your throat ached as you feared he may be right. “You loved me that night and this,” he alleged. “You’ve never stopped loving me.”
“No,” you cried softly, as your gaze fell. “You’re wrong,” you countered, with another sniffle that worked against your otherwise vehement claims.
“Then go on,” he challenged you gently. His thumb and forefinger moved to your chin, tilting your eyes to his as he continued. “Tell me how you don’t love me.”
Your lip trembled as you peered up at him, but you couldn’t seem to speak the words to deny him. Your eyes shut then, warm tears slipping past the corners of your eyes as you turned out of his hold.
“Say what you must. Say that you don’t love me. Say that I never truly loved you,” he called out to your turned back. “But please don’t say this child was not conceived of our love.”
Your hands gripped the railing tightly then, your knuckles turning white at the way he seemed so sure of your love for him. As though he hadn’t struggled for even a moment as you had with the storm of conflicting feelings and centuries-old hurt.
“I hate you!” You sobbed. “I hate you for making me feel this way! For making me feel guilty and pathetic and weak for admitting that I still love you! That despite every way you’ve hurt me, after you bedded another, had a child with another, I still love you,” you wept softly, swallowing thickly to clear your aching throat before continuing. “That despite the cold, unfeeling way you took me that night, I still treasured it. Because I missed you so dearly. Because I still loved you so dearly.”
“I know,” he sighed, as he moved beside you. “And should you choose to, you may continue to hate me for the rest of our lives. But you must know this: our daughter is a product of our affection for one another. Of whatever deep feeling still stretches between us. And always will exist between us.”
He was right, of course. But as the tears slipped past your closed eyes, you couldn’t admit it to him. You wiped at your tears with the back of your hand, sniffling softly before lifting your head to watch the waters of the stream.
“Well,” you began, wiping at your nose now. “If that’s the case, then I suppose such a festival would be appropriate,” you conceded, quietly.
A hesitant smile turned his lip at your concession and a set of papers appeared in his hand.
“I’ve taken the liberty of drawing some tentative plans for such an event,” he explained, before extending the pages to you.
You watched the pages flutter gently in the wind for a moment before realizing it was his nervous hand that was trembling them. You accepted them with a short glance at him, and you frowned as your fingertips rubbed against the rough texture of the pages.
“These papers are quite old,” you murmured, as you eyed the fading ink.
He dipped the quill once more before pressing it to the next page of his planning. He pictured you there at his side, your distinctive giddy smile plastered on your beautiful face and your belly round with his child. And he couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
“And I shall celebrate you and our child with all the pomp and splendor fitting of my love. My wife. My queen. And our child,” he thought, as he continued to scribble down a tentative schedule for the festival.
“Yes,” he blinked, before clearing his throat. “I had written them centuries ago. Not long after we had wed. I – I had thought I would need them far sooner than now.”
“Oh,” you nodded, pressing your lip between your teeth as you imagined him planning for this very event in the early days of your marriage.
A table and two chairs materialized beside you then, and with an elegant sweep of his hand, he directed your attention to it. You took your seat with quiet thanks as you looked through his plans.
“These are quite extensive,” you breathed, as you shuffled through the pages as you spoke. “I don’t think such an extravagant function would be fitting, though.”
“Why not?” He questioned as he sat beside you. He watched your brows rise at the wide range of food and drink he expected to serve at the event and you couldn’t help the soft breath of disbelief that slipped from you then.
“It’s like you said: this was supposed to be held centuries ago. Having it now, having this child now, after you’ve already had one with your mistress is, is,” you sighed then, as the dread you felt regarding your child finally struck you. “Humiliating. This isn’t something I wish to celebrate,” you whispered. “I don’t wish to see the smirks and giggles of people as we celebrate the news of our first child together and they make snide remarks about how you’ve already had one behind my back.”
“Then we won’t invite such people,” he suggested, leaning forward to grasp your hand.
“That’ll make quite the short guest list,” you scoffed, pulling your hand from his.
He watched you fold your arms across your chest and turn your face from him, and he pressed his lips to a thin line as he considered what more he could possibly do to appease you. But the back of your hand moved quickly to wipe at your eyes and his shoulders slacked as he reminded himself of how deeply all of this had hurt you.
“We don’t have to hold the festival at all,” he suggested then. “I – I only thought it would make you happy,” he admitted.
And you sighed softly at his disappointment, pursing your lips before offering a suggestion of your own.
“Maybe we could just scale this down a bit.” You scanned the pages once more before looking back at him. “Perhaps instead of a three-day-long festival, a single night would do?” You wondered, with a hesitant smile.
“Of course,” he accepted quickly, and your smile widened at the way his voice had perked up and his eyes had brightened. “And you could invite whomever you’d like – however many or few you’d like,” he added, before considering one name in particular. “You could invite Vantaros, as well.”
You stilled completely then, staring at him with parted lips and wide eyes, unable to utter a word.
“I know how close you two are,” he continued, amid your sudden silence.
“With the way you’ve behaved with another man while you’re still dripping with my seed?”
His words echoed in your mind and you could almost feel his hand gripping your hair tightly as you recalled the crushing strain of his jealousy. And a tear slid down your face as you wondered if a dance with Oberon led him to utter those words, what would he do after learning of your relationship with Vantaros?
“I wasn’t with him, Dream,” you rushed, shaking your head vehemently. “I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t –”
“I know that,” he frowned, before reaching forward to brush the offending tear from your cheek. “You’d never do something like that,” he breathed, and his hand remained at the side of your face to gently soothe you. “Not you, my heart.”
You swallowed thickly, watching him hesitantly as he continued in a soft voice.
“He’s the only one of your kind you still speak with,” he explained. “I know of your close friendship with him, and I’m certain you’d like him to attend.”
You peered at him for a moment as you studied the sincerity in his eyes, but you tried to dissuade any lingering feelings of jealousy he may still harbor.
“We’re just friends, Dream. Really,” you insisted, with a cautious glance.
“I know,” he said, before pulling his hand from your face to confess. “You rejected his advances the moment he made them.”
And as you put his words together your nervous fear turned to bitter outrage.
“You were watching me then?” You exhaled indignantly then. You had known it was a distinct possibility, but your foresight didn’t seem to ease the outrage you felt at his eavesdropping. But something else occurred to you then and your anger gave way to curiosity. “Why didn’t you banish him from the realm then? Why did you allow me to continue seeing him?”
“Because you needed him,” he explained simply. “You needed someone to comfort you. To hold you and keep you company. I knew my touch, my words, would no longer soothe you, but you would still need it.”
You blinked blankly at him as you considered him overlooking the threat Vantaros could have posed to his marriage, simply because he could offer you the comfort you would not accept from Dream.
“That was very kind of you, Dream,” you breathed after a moment. “Thank you.”
And in the delicate silence that followed, Dream couldn’t help but linger on the words he heard you utter that day.
“You told him it was a mistake to choose me,” he spoke, finally. “Do you ever wish you had chosen him?”
You considered lying: a short, concise denial that would end this conversation, but also possibly this fragile amicability that had grown between you two. This growing closeness that blossomed under your combined honesty.
“Yes,” you whispered, and your head hung low as you continued. “I do. I did,” you corrected. “He was kind and sweet to me. Gentle and funny,” you smiled, fondly, and the slight lilt to your voice then pained Dream. “But it never felt right with him,” you admitted. “Not like how it felt with you. I was never sure with him, but with you?” You wondered, with a bashful smile and a quick, blushing glance at him. “I knew it the moment you comforted me when I first set foot in this realm. I knew I’d never feel that way about anyone else, so even when I realized this wouldn’t work and tried to drag myself away, I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to leave you,” you confessed. “But after what happened – in Faerie, with Calliope – I wished I had chosen him. I may not have been in love with him, but I never would have had my heart broken the way I did with you.”
“And now?” He wondered softly, as he watched you press your lip between your teeth.
“No,” you assured him, reaching slowly for his pale hand. “If I had chosen him, I never would have known love. I never would have known you. I certainly wouldn’t be carrying our daughter, now,” you laughed lightly, with your other hand at your belly. His lip twitched then, and you continued softly. “Vantaros told me that if I should ever regret my decision to choose you, I should simply console myself with the memories of our love,” you recounted. “And, even if we never spoke again, even if my heart remained broken until the very end, I still think it would all be worth it for those few precious moments.”
A/N: I love Nat King Cole and this song is so Dream-coded that I had to include it! Here we get a little background as we go back in time to see how Dream’s relationship with Calliope began in this fic.
It's two chapters for the wait-time of one! This chapter got too long, so I've split it into two smaller chapters!
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“Then why do I feel so lonely?
Like a king on an empty throne?
There’s one thing that’s missing only
A true love to call my own.”
-Nat King Cole’s “Mother Nature and Father Time”
You were a ghost in the palace. Always passing through the halls, lingering in the rooms, but somehow always out of his reach. Out of his grasp. He would catch the sweep of your skirts, the hint of your perfume, hear the sweet melody of your voice. But the moment he turned the corner, or opened the door, you were gone. A fleeting, ephemeral presence that permeated the space of his home but remained just out of reach.
And as he sat upon his throne, he could almost see a vision of you thirty years past.
“Must you continue to spew such horrid filth about me? Your wife? Your supposed love?”
He swallowed thickly as the memory of you in tears elicited some of his own. And the desperate way you looked at him then, the pleading tone you used then, ached his throat.
It was all so different from the last time he had spoken to you. Five months and twenty three days ago, to be exact. You had answered the door with apathy rendering your voice and gaze ice cold. You had renounced every ounce of love and care you felt for him, announcing that you would hold nothing but contempt and disdain for him from that day on. Your voice no longer lilted with the giddy joy of seeing him, nor did your eyes brighten at his presence.
You truly held nothing in your heart for him.
“I will forever be stranded and heartbroken,” you had cried then.
He shut his eyes as he recalled how hesitant you had been to choose him as your lover. As the person you would be tied to for all existence. And he recalled how he had convinced you, how he had quelled your fears that he would want someone else, only now to take another in an act that simultaneously violated his word to you and desecrated your very being.
“I’ve seen her, Morpheus.”
He let slip warm tears that streaked his pale skin as he recalled how you had finally broken down then. He hadn’t known how you knew about his time with Calliope, but it didn’t seem to matter when he saw just how deeply his actions had struck you.
It had been a mistake, plain and simple: a rash act conducted out of and fury and outrage at the thought that you had betrayed him with the Faerie King. But what of the second incident, thirty years after the first? When you spurned his pleas for your love and his vindictive rage convinced him to take the muse in your own bed? Was that, too, a simple mistake, he wondered?
And such was the truth he faced when Calliope arrived in his realm several days later.
“I do apologize for simply dropping in, Oneiros,” she smiled, coyly. “But I couldn’t possibly wait another thirty years to feel you again.” Her hand slid to the side of his face then, cupping him gently before pulling him down to her lips.
But he gripped her wrist then, freezing her in place before stepping back and out of her hold.
“Calliope, I – I have made an egregious mistake,” he sighed, letting her hand drop from his grip.
“What do you mean?” She asked sharply, irritation furrowing her brow and pursing her lips.
“I acted rashly and out of fury when I took you,” he explained. “I was not thinking clearly, and I have no intention of carrying on with you.”
“You told me that your wife had betrayed you. That she had lain with another man and you no longer loved her,” she recounted.
“I was wrong,” he admitted. “She had never betrayed me. And my accusations have cost me her. She will have nothing to do with me now,” he added, as his head hung low.
“If she will have nothing to do with you, then can we not continue?” She wondered, and when Morpheus raised his head with confusion knitting his brows together, she continued, moving closer to him. “We all crave some form of intimacy now and then,” she explained, with another step in his direction. “And when either of us craves such a thing,” she began, letting her finger trail down his chest. “We need only call upon each other.”
“I cannot betray her,” he whispered, as your soft cries at the revelation of his infidelity echoed in his mind.
“You already have,” Calliope reminded him. “And if she no longer wants you, what have you to lose? Must you truly remain loyal to someone who abhors you?” She asked, before leaning up to him, but stopping just short of his lips. “Or would you rather have me?”
He swallowed thickly as he considered her words, before his tongue darted out to wet his lips at the sight of her tantalizing smile. He leaned down them, moving roughly against her lips as he pushed her back against the wall.
You were in the Temporal Plains when you felt it: a bright burst of something that felt like home. It erupted and announced itself in a bold fashion, and you grinned as you finally recognized it.
Following the audacious burst to the Daunting Expanses, you crossed your arms against your chest as you paused behind a well-built man of tall stature.
“I suppose just anyone’s allowed in the Dreaming, now,” you scoffed. He turned at the sound of your voice and your name spilled from his lips in a breath of disbelief. You couldn’t maintain your faux-distaste any longer, and a giddy laugh erupted from you as you crossed the distance to him and wrapped your arms around him.
“What are you doing here?” He breathed, after he pulled away and looked down at you. He glanced around then, his soft brown hair flicked with the motion. “Where are we?” He frowned.
“We’re in the Dreaming,” you explained, before narrowing your eyes slightly at him. “You’ve started sleeping, haven’t you?” You asked.
“I have,” he realized. “I’ve been traveling with a group of mortals lately and began to mimic the behavior to avoid suspicion.”
“That’s how I started, too,” you recalled, with a fond smile of your first days visiting the Dreaming. “When we sleep, we dream. And when we dream, we come here,” you explained, with a sweeping gesture to the region.
“To this land, the Dreaming?” He checked, testing out the concept. “Intriguing,” he remarked, as he looked over the vast landscape.
“It’s so good to see you, Vantaros,” you breathed, your head shaking lightly in disbelief. “I haven’t seen any of our kind in so long,” you sighed.
“Anonymity and reclusion is a light punishment for how we failed our people,” he countered, and you settled into a mournful silence as the memory of your people’s downfall weighed heavily on your hearts.
“Have you seen any of the others?” You asked, after a moment.
“No,” he sighed. “Just you.” He smiled then, as the realization set in, and he took your hand in his. Your body stilled and his brow creased at the act, but with a steadying breath, he allowed himself to continue. “I never thought I’d see you again,” he whispered, his thumb smoothing across your knuckles. “That I’d never get the chance to ask you –”
“Vantaros, I’m married,” you admitted, softly, as your gaze fell from his and your hand slid back to your side.
His lips parted with an empty reply as he watched you turn in on yourself. Your gaze remained low, and he pushed the hurt, the heartache of losing you aside at the sight of your despondency. You two had spent ages as friends, growing closer than many married couples you knew. But you had been apprehensive to fulfill your single-love pact, and he had been supportive of your concerns, willing to wait however long you needed to be certain.
But it had never felt right to you. You cared for him, certainly, but you had always believed love to be an explosive thing: something entirely world-altering, something so blatant and fundamental that it could never be questioned. Unlike your feelings for Vantaros. You had planned to tell him the very thing, but then your people were destroyed and your kind fell away to anonymity.
“I – I’m happy for you,” he decided. You pursed your lips at the forced platitude and wondered just how long he had practiced the words for this possibility.
“You don’t have to pretend, Vantaros,” you sighed, folding your arms across your chest. “I know how we were and I should have told you how I felt ages ago, but then our people were killed,” you began.
“And we all drifted apart,” he finished, nodding slowly. He watched press your lips to a thin line and he had to know, he realized. “Did you ever love me?” He wondered, softly.
You sighed as you watched the vulnerability that wavered his words and had him glancing shortly at you.
He was the straightforward type. He preferred the brutal truth – blunt explanations that lacked the falsity and grandiosity of polite remarks and euphemisms. So you ensured your crushing revelation would be worded in just the right way for him.
“I cared so deeply for you,” you assured him. “But I don’t believe it was love,” you concluded.
He nodded his understanding shortly, watching the blades of grass drift gently in the breeze as he considered his next question.
“The one you married,” he asked, tilting his head as he watched your reaction carefully. “Do you love him?”
He furrowed his brow at the sardonic breath of laughter that escaped you then.
“Dream of the Endless,” you began, with a contrite smile. “Morpheus,” you corrected, the taste of his name burning your tongue. He’s the ruler of this realm. I met him much the way we met just now: on my first encounter in the Dreaming,” you explained, before glancing down at the grass as you continued. “And, if it makes you feel any better, it was a colossal mistake,” you scoffed. “I waited ages with you to be sure before I made a decision, and then with him, I practically decided on a whim,” you laughed, bitterly. “I knew it wouldn’t work, but I – I just loved him so much, that I suppose I was willing to believe anything,” you admitted, before sitting on the grass and pulling your knees to your chest.
He watched you lean your head against your knees, and he swallowed thickly at the sight of your melancholy before taking a seat beside you.
“If it hasn’t worked out, if you’re no longer in love with him,” he began, slowly, ever cautious in this delicate question. “Would you ever consider violating your pact?”
“What, leave him and take another lover?” You scoffed, without turning to him. “I could never do such a thing. I could never sever the last connection I have to our people.”
“Is he at least kind to you?” He wondered. “Does he at least care for you?”
A bitter laugh shook your body at his question. It brought tears to your eyes, though from cruel humor or unbearable sadness, you weren’t sure.
“No,” you sighed, as your breathing evened as you wiped at your tears. “No, he is not kind to me, nor does he care for me,” you smiled sadly.
He watched you with such pain, then. Studying the pitiful way you seemed to have made peace with your circumstances, the way you managed to find cruel humor in the ironic situation you found yourself in.
“He accused me of infidelity,” you admitted, after a moment, with your eyes set out over the plains. You had never spoken of that night in Faerie to anyone; discussing such an event with anyone in the realm would certainly alter their perception of their ruler, and you couldn’t allow that. So now, when you were sat beside a close friend with no connection to your husband, you found yourself baring the events of that night to another soul for the first time. “Of betraying him and breaking my word to him.”
“You?” Vantaros asked, his eyes wide with bewilderment as he turned completely to you. “He accused the goddess of virtue and oaths of betraying her husband?”
“And he did it with such unnecessary cruelty,” you added, your voice wavering as your throat began to ache. “Such vulgarity and humiliating abuse,” you sobbed quietly, your voice scraping against your throat. “And the way he forced me to the ground that night, I –”
“He laid his hands upon you?” He breathed, his outrage shaking his voice and tightening his fists. You watched his renowned anger warp his kindness and you reached out to place a grounding hand to his fist.
“No, it’s alright,” you assured him, as you wiped at your eyes. “I’m certain it won’t happen again. We haven’t spoken in six months now, and before that, we hadn’t spoken in thirty years,” you squeezed his hand lightly, and he seemed to relax at your assurances. “He doesn’t care about me anymore. He’s taken someone new,” you forced a smile to convince him, but it only came out broken and pained.
“He accused you of betraying your oaths and dishonoring your virtue, the dual divinity that you are held sacred for, and then he took another lover of his own?” He breathed, in disbelief. But his face contorted in disgust then, as he tried to imagine someone desecrating you in such a way. “How could he do such a thing? To know what your bond to him meant and to blaspheme it such a way?”
And as you listened to the outrage and indignity he felt on your behalf, you finally let yourself feel it, as well.
“I don’t know,” you whispered, sadly. “I really thought he loved me,” you admitted softly, looking down at your toes, as your tears began to fall anew. “We had such a deep love before then, and now,” you breathed brokenly then, as wondered how your love could have decayed so.
“You don’t have to stay with him,” he began. “I’m not saying that you should come away with me, but you shouldn’t have to stay here with him!”
“This was my mistake, Vantaros,” you sighed. “I acted rashly and chose him despite my own reservations. I need to face my error and accept it.”
“But you do not deserve to suffer for it,” he insisted, reaching for your shoulder to turn you towards him. “Leave him,” he urged you. “You don’t have to take another lover or violate your divinity, but please, don’t stay here with him. I can see how your light has dulled since I last saw you. Leave this place and return to our world. Seek happiness there.”
“Perhaps this is simply penance for my part in failing our people,” you breathed. “You must admit it’s quite fitting that I of all people be tied to someone who longer loves me and has moved on to be with someone else,” you smiled thinly. “The goddess of giving oneself over to another in the name of love is used and thrown away in favor of someone new,” you recounted, bitterly. “I’d probably find it quite funny if it didn’t hurt so terribly,” you whispered, before shutting your eyes against the sight of Morpheus in bed with Calliope.
Your eyes stung then, and you couldn’t bear the hurt any longer. Your sobs wracked your body and the ground began to shake with your wails. The skies thundered and a heavy rain filled the clouds, preparing to echo the onslaught of your tears. But Vantaros’ arms wrapped around you then, and as you wept in his arms, the Dreaming and you seemed to settle in his hold.
“How could he do this to me?” You sobbed. “How could I be so stupid?”
“Love makes fools of us all,” he whispered, soothingly. “You’ll be alright, in time,” he assured you.
It was the sound of your joyous laugh that called to Morpheus. He had longed so dearly for you in the days following his encounter with Calliope in the throne room. His guilt had eaten away at him in the aftermath as he realized how unsatisfied Calliope left him. It wasn’t her fault, really; after all, nothing seemed to satisfy him after your leaving. You had left an empty chasm that nothing seemed to fill.
So when his longing soul caught wind of your melodious laughter, he disappeared in a whirlwind of sand to witness it directly. But his eager smile dropped when he saw you with your arms around some man who gazed down at you with all the adoration that Morpheus was meant for.
He knew of him, of course: Vantaros, your people’s god of bravery and exploration, of forging one’s own path. But he hadn’t known of your close relationship to him.
He turned behind a great oak tree then, hiding his presence from either of you while still listening closely. Morpheus heard Vantaros’ voice drop low with reverence and regret, and anger tensed along his jaw at the thought of this lost love of yours. That someone else could have captured your heart, your affections as he had. But his wrath dissipated as soon as it had come when you informed him of your marriage. He swallowed thickly at the way you denied him so quickly, so definitively, despite your estrangement. And shame burned within him as he recalled how he had so easily given in to Calliope’s proposal.
His breath caught as he heard you refer to your choosing him as a mistake, but he didn’t linger on it for long, when Vantaros asked if you would ever consider leaving him. Relief slacked his shoulders at your staunch stance against such a thing, but he stilled completely when a bitter laugh sounded from you.
“No, he is not kind to me, nor does he care for me.”
“But I do care for you,” he whispered, softly.
And then you recounted the events of that night in Fairie and guilt consumed him at the quiet way you recounted his cruelty. But it was shame that burned through him once again as you mentioned how he had thrown you to the ground. He cursed himself as he overheard Vantaros’ outrage for his actions: an outrage Morpheus himself hadn’t felt for thirty years after his disgraceful acts against you.
“I really thought he loved me.”
“I do love you,” he cried.
He longed to leave his hidden position then, at the sound of your pitiful voice. He longed to hold you and convince you of his love for you, but then Vantaros was pleading for you to leave him. He listened in dreaded anticipation of your response, and a shaky breath left him as you rejected the notion, stating that choosing him was your mistake, that perhaps this was your penance, but your next words were what truly broke his heart.
“The goddess of giving oneself over to another in the name of love is used and thrown away in favor of someone new.”
And as the tragic words and your cynical tone seared his mind, he almost hadn’t noticed the skies gray and the ground rumble. It was the sound of your wails, the desperate grief that scraped your throat, that caught him and compelled to reach out for you, as he had when you first arrived in the realm. But he watched you fall against Vantaros as he soothed your tears and held you close. Morpheus turned then, disappearing in a whirlwind of sand as your lost love’s touch calmed you and your hold on the realm.
Centuries passed in the same way. Morpheus would long for you, but your steadfast refusal of him would send him into Calliope’s arms to seek a fleeting comfort that would then overwhelm him with guilt. Vantaros visited you often, regaling you with tales of his adventures and explorations in the Waking World. Often, he would lend you a consoling ear as he listened to your woes and wept in his arms when you found your difficulties with Morpheus particularly trying.
One such moment was the day you had learned that Calliope had given birth to Morpheus’ child. The child that was always meant to be yours.
“He’s had a child with her,” you whispered, in a broken sob. “All the palace is agog with the news and they all stare at me in pity or ridicule or what, I don’t know, but I can’t bear it, Vantaros!” You cried, before falling into his arms. “He spoke so sweetly of the children we would have, on the night we wed. How could he do this? To know that I have no chance at achieving such a future without him and to simply take it for his own?”
“I don’t know,” he swallowed thickly as he held you. “I don’t know how someone who claimed to love you could do such a thing. I am so sorry, my friend,” he soothed, as his hand rubbed circles at your back.
“I can’t bear this humiliation any longer!” You cried out. “I can’t leave here and violate my vows, and I can’t live like this,” you wept, softly. “I don’t want to live any longer,” you sobbed, through your blurry eyes and aching throat.
“No, no, please,” he pleaded with you, brushing your tears gently, before holding you out before him. “There are so few of us left. I could not lose you, too,” he breathed. “Please,” he shifted to sit directly in your line of sight. “I will do whatever I can to ease your pain. But please, I beg you, do not resort to that.”
You peered up at him and a devastated breath left you before admitting a truth you had desperately hid from.
“It should have been you,” you breathed. “I should have chosen you, Vantaros. I should have married you,” you wept, clinging desperately to him.
“No,” he shook his head. “You didn’t love me,” he reminded you, a pained smile pulling at his lips.
“But you never would have hurt me like this,” you countered.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “But you’d never have known love, then,” he began, as he smoothed your hair. “Despite how he’s hurt you, you did love him, didn’t you?”
“And I shall love you like no one has ever been loved before, Dream. I love you so completely, so wholly, I cannot imagine myself as anything other than yours,” you sighed, as you nestled further into his chest. He smiled softly at your act, and his arm tightened around your waist, pulling you flush against him as he reveled in the feel of you. “And I can imagine you as nothing but mine,” you added coyly, before letting your fingers tangle in his hair to pull him down to your lips. “Mine,” you sighed, as you pulled away from him. “Mine to love, to hold, to adore, to kiss,” you listed, before reaching back up to taste him with a giggle.
“Yours,” he agreed, with a contented smile as he watched your excitement. “To love, to hold, to adore, to kiss.”
“Terribly so,” you admitted, through a harsh sniffle.
“Then hold fast to that,” he instructed, his hands bracing your shoulders as he delivered his advice. “Hold tightly the memories of your love, and should you ever regret your decision, console yourself with those treasures.”
Note: A spin-off chapter set after the events of Bound in Eternity — Parts I through IV.
Pairing: Morpheus x wife!reader.
CW/TW: fluff, light intimacy.
This chapter is dedicated to my beloved @misswings1864
also, happy to get @iamcharliemichaels attention too <3
The Dreaming settles into evening slowly, the way it always does when Morpheus allows it to — as though even the dark has to be persuaded into place rather than simply arriving. Lantern-light drifts along the garden paths below, and somewhere past the hedges the sea exhales, slow and patient, the way it has every night for as long as you have had a balcony to stand on.
You find him already there, one hand resting on the stone rail, his gaze fixed on nothing in particular — which usually means he is thinking about everything at once. He does not turn when you step out to join him. He never needs to.
"You've been standing here since before I finished the dishes," you say, coming to lean into his side.
"The kitchen does not require an audience."
"It requires someone to dry the mugs, actually. Matthew keeps insisting he can do it with his beak and I keep telling him that's how we lost the good one."
"We did not lose a mug. You threw it at a nightmare that would not stop imitating Despair's voice."
"That nightmare deserved it."
His arm settles around you, unhurried, and you feel the small huff of air that in anyone else would be a laugh. You tuck yourself against him, and for a while neither of you says anything, content to watch the stars rearrange themselves into shapes that mean something only to the Dreaming, and to you, now, because you have spent enough years learning to read them.
"It has been a long while since it was only this," he says eventually. "No task waiting. No realm trembling somewhere out of sight."
"A quiet year," you say, and something in the phrase makes him glance down at you, because he knows exactly which year you mean — the one where you stopped feeling the holidays arrive, where the Waking World's countdown of days slid past you without catching, and he sat with that fear until you found your way back to wanting things again. "Not that kind of quiet, though. The good kind."
"There is a difference," he agrees. "I did not always know that."
"You know it now."
"I had considerable motivation to learn."
You smile against his shoulder. Below, the garden shifts almost imperceptibly, the roses you tend yourself turning very slightly toward the sound of your voice, the way they have for longer than either of you bothers to count anymore.
"Do you remember the Underground?" you ask, because the thought arrives unbidden, the way old memories do on nights like this. "When I stepped out too fast and ended up in an empty carriage wearing absolutely nothing?"
"I remember," he says, and there is something low and warm in his voice now, edged with a possessiveness he has never fully outgrown and clearly has no intention of trying to. "I remember rather vividly."
"You were insufferable about it."
"I was thorough."
"You were jealous of an empty train car."
"I was concerned," he says, with the particular dignity of a man defending a position he has already lost. "The distinction matters."
"It really doesn't."
He does not argue further, which you have learned over the years is its own kind of concession. His hand at your waist tightens slightly, the same way it did that night, and you laugh softly into the quiet, because a hundred-odd years later it still works exactly the way it always has.
"I think about the vow sometimes," you say, quieter now. "The one we never wrote down."
"Not Endless, and once mortal," he says, the words settling between you like something worn smooth from handling. "Not creator and creation. Just us."
"You remember that too."
"I remember all of it," he says. "I have simply learned not to announce it every time, since you accused me once of being dramatically sentimental and I have not fully recovered from the insult."
"You are dramatically sentimental."
"I am economical with it."
You turn fully to face him now, your hand rising to rest against his chest, feeling the strange, steady stillness there that has never resolved into a heartbeat and never quite needed to. "What do you want, now? Out of all the years still ahead of us."
He considers this the way he considers most things that matter to you — slowly, and without performance. "More evenings precisely like this one," he says. "Fewer disasters requiring your presence at my side, though I suspect that request is somewhat naive of me. I would like to finish the wing of the library you started cataloguing last spring, though I suspect you have opinions about which volumes belong where that will outlast several more centuries of argument."
"I have very strong opinions."
"I am aware. I look forward to losing that particular argument for as long as we both exist." His hand rises to your jaw, and this time it does not stay unhurried. His thumb drags slower along your cheekbone, deliberate, and something in his gaze deepens — that familiar shift from stillness into focus, the one that has never once failed to undo you. "And I would like, on occasion, for you to keep looking at me exactly the way you are looking at me now."
"How am I looking at you?"
"As though you have not yet decided whether to argue with me or ruin me entirely."
"Can't it be both?"
"It is always both, with you." His voice drops lower, rougher at the edges, and the hand at your waist pulls you flush against him without asking permission, without needing to. "It is, I confess, my favorite thing about you."
"That's almost romantic."
"It was precise." His forehead lowers to yours, breath warm against your mouth, and for a moment neither of you moves, letting the anticipation stretch taut between you the way it has for a hundred years and has never once grown dull. "Say something clever," he murmurs. "Before I stop letting you."
"I don't feel like being clever."
"Good," he says, and closes the distance himself.
The kiss is not careful. It starts slow and does not stay that way — his hand sliding from your jaw into your hair, tilting your head exactly where he wants it, and you answer with the same hunger, fingers fisting into the front of his coat to keep him from thinking, even for a second, about pulling back. He kisses you like he has something to prove and all of eternity to prove it in, unhurried in the way that only makes it worse, deliberate in a way that leaves you breathless and wanting more before he has even finished with less. When his mouth drags along your jaw, lower, to the place beneath your ear that has undone you for a century, you feel more than hear the low sound he makes against your skin — something satisfied, something possessive, something that has nothing to do with kings or realms and everything to do with you.
"Morpheus," you breathe, not quite a warning.
"Mm," he says, entirely unrepentant, and kisses you again — deeper this time, slower, his hand splayed warm against the small of your back as though he intends to keep you exactly here for the rest of the night and has no interest in negotiating otherwise.
You are the one who breaks it, only far enough to speak against his mouth. "Take me inside."
Something shifts behind his eyes — dark, immediate, entirely unsurprised, as though he had simply been waiting for you to ask. "As you wish," he says, and the balcony doors open behind you without either of you touching them, the Dreaming already anticipating what its king wants before he has fully decided to want it aloud.
He does not release you as you cross the threshold. If anything his hold tightens, guiding rather than leading, his mouth finding your jaw, your throat, unhurried even now, as though a century has taught him that patience is its own kind of devastating. You feel the low sound he makes against your skin more than you hear it — satisfaction, want, something ancient and entirely undiminished by time.
The bed is an afterthought neither of you rushes toward and neither of you avoids. When your knees find the edge of it, his hands are already at the fastenings of your dress, unhurried, deliberate, each inch of skin he uncovers met with his mouth before his hands move on — as though he intends to relearn you tonight, the way he has relearned you a hundred times before and never once found the process anything less than essential.
"You're staring," you murmur, breathless, as the last of the fabric slips free.
"I am observing," he says, though his voice has lost its usual composure, roughened at the edges in the way that only ever happens here, only ever with you. "You are still the single fact in this realm I have never fully learned to anticipate."
"Good," you whisper, drawing him down with you. "Keep learning."
He does.
His weight settles over you, unhurried and certain, his mouth trailing slow, deliberate heat along your collarbone while his hand maps the curve of your waist, your hip, with the reverence of something that has never once taken you for granted. When he finally settles between your thighs, it is with the same patience he has carried the whole evening — no urgency, only the maddening, thorough attention of a being who has all of eternity and intends to spend a considerable portion of it exactly here.
"Look at me," he murmurs against your ear, and you do, and what passes between you in that single unguarded look is worth more than anything either of you could have said aloud.
Then he moves, and words stop mattering at all.
Afterward, you lie tangled in the dark, his arm heavy and warm across your waist, his breath slow against your hair. The Dreaming has gone hushed around the two of you, the way it does when it wants nothing more than to leave you undisturbed.
"A hundred years," you murmur eventually, tracing an idle line along his chest, "and you still make that sound like it's the first time."
"It is never the first time," he says quietly, "and yet somehow it is never merely the hundredth, either." His hand finds yours, lacing your fingers together over his heart, or the place a heart would be if he required one. "I have not found the words for that. I am not certain they exist."
"You just found them."
"Then I suppose I am improving."
You smile against his shoulder, and for a long while neither of you says anything more, content in the quiet that has followed you both from the balcony into the dark — earned, unhurried, and entirely your own.
A shape crosses the windowsill without landing — Matthew, more shadow than bird against the dark of the garden beyond.
"Didn't want to interrupt," he says, clearly interrupting, "but Lucienne wants to know if you're coming down for dinner or if she should just assume you've eloped again."
"We're already married, Matthew."
"Tell her that..." He's gone again before you can, folding back into the night with the particular satisfaction of a raven who has said exactly enough and not one word more.
"He still worries," you say, laughing softly against Morpheus's chest.
"He always will," Morpheus says. "I have stopped attempting to convince him otherwise. I find I no longer mind."
You settle back against him, and his arms close fully around you, unhurried, certain, the two of you wrapped in a quiet that has followed you from the balcony and shows no sign of releasing either of you soon.
"Five more minutes," you say.
"Lucienne will forgive us."
"She always does."
Neither of you moves. Below, the Dreaming waits, patient as it has learned to be, entirely used to its king taking his time when it matters. And for a little while longer, in the room that has held every quiet ending you have earned since everything that came before it, that is exactly what he does.
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Summary: An offer you once spurned is surprisingly offered once more.
Tags: angst, pregnancy
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“And you shall rule by my side,” he assured your sleeping form. Your breathing had slowed, your chest rising and falling gently as his fingers traced lovingly over your lips, your cheekbones, your nose, your eyes. “And all the realm shall prosper from your gracious rule,” he vowed. “And all in existence shall envy me for having the most devoted queen,” he smiled softly, as you leaned into his touch, even in your deep slumber.
You had thrown him out then. With tears blurring your eyes and sobs rasping your voice, you screamed for him to leave you and never return. So he did. Days passed without any sign of him, and as those days turned to a full week, the pain of his absence cut you as deeply as it had then, in the first days of your estrangement.
Centuries of separation had dulled the pain, but after the way he held you so dearly, after basking in the warmth of his love once more, you found the ache as raw as ever. And as you lay in your bed without his comforting touch, you placed your arm over your waist and could almost feel his arm underneath yours, squeezing you in a protective embrace. Almost.
But this separation was your doing, you realized. He had begged you to let him honor the promises he had once made you, but you had spurned his offer. He offered to do whatever it took to hold you again, but you threw him out and demanded he never see you again. And as you lay in your bed, where he had held you so dearly, tears spilled from yours eyes as you realized you may have rebuffed the chance to regain the future you once dreamt of together.
The depressing realization didn’t debilitate you for long though, as a knock at your door caught your attentions.
“Lucienne,” you breathed, your brow creasing as you opened to the door to find the librarian.
“Good morning, my lady,” she greeted you with a smile and a curt bow, before her voice dropped low and careful as she glanced to your midsection. “How are you feeling?”
A short breath of indignity left you at her overly gentle tone. “I suppose he’s told everyone,” you muttered, before crossing your arms against your chest.
“Of course he has,” she breathed, as her head tilted. “He’s far too excited to keep it to himself,” she added, with a smile.
“He is?” You wondered softly, your angered gaze softening at her surprising words. And as your distant gaze returned to hers, you caught sight of the files in her hands. “What’s all that?”
“These are civil disputes,” she explained, as she adjusted her glasses. You narrowed your eyes at the motion: it was a slight tell, one that the librarian only displayed in tense moments. “Land disputes, civil complaints, and such from across the realm.”
You could tell how nervous she was to announce the reason for her visit, so you decided to assist her with a question. “And why have you come to my door with them?” You wondered in a leading tone, with a tilted head.
“Lord Morpheus has asked that you see to them,” she answered quickly, before pursing her lips and glancing shortly at you.
“Why?”
“Perhaps that’s a question best answered by him, my lady.”
“We’re not speaking.”
“Well,” she began, and you pursed your lips as you watched her adjust her glasses again. “Something must have happened between you two for him to ask that you tend to this.”
She looked to you expectantly and as your lips parted in realization, her brows rose infinitesimally.
“Thank you, Lucienne,” you blinked back, before taking the files from her. “I’ll review these and offer my judgments,” you smiled, before bidding her a good day.
A deep breath escaped your lungs as you forced your knuckles to rap against the door. The momentarily silence hitched your breath in the hope that he wasn’t there and you could retreat to your chambers to abandon this entire plan. But his voice came low and measured through the door, beckoning you inside.
So you entered his study with slow steps, your fingers tapping nervously against the pages in your hands as you pressed your lip tightly between your teeth.
His gaze rose from the pages before him at the sound of steady footsteps. But when you entered his vision, his lips parted and he stood in reverent awe at the sight of you. He had been deprived of you for a week and with the glow your pregnancy afforded you, he couldn’t help but watch you with parted lips and a fixed gaze.
“How have you been?” He breathed, before his eyes dipped to your midsection. “How’s –”
“I’m sure the physicians keep you apprised of all of that,” you interrupted, with a lowered gaze. With everything this gesture of his could mean, you needed to separate his concern for your child from the affection he may still hold for you.
“They do,” he confirmed. “But only of your health,” he explained, peering up at you. “I know nothing of your mood or simply how you’re feeling and,” he paused then, wondering whether he should let slip his true concern. “It would relieve me greatly to know that you’re alright.”
“I miss you,” you wanted to tell him. “I miss you so terribly I can no longer stand it.” But something in you wouldn’t let the tender words past your lips.
“I’m alright, Dream,” you confirmed, softly, and your expression softened at the way your admission slacked his shoulders. “Especially after you lowered the temperature of my chambers,” you added, with a small upturn of your lip.
“Of course,” he breathed, his relief turning his lip, as well. “If there’s anything else you need,” he began.
“I know,” you nodded, with a polite smile. You cleared your throat, eager to redirect the conversation from the warm topic that threatened to elicit more tender words you weren’t ready to utter. “Lucienne brought these civil disputes to my chambers,” you began, lifting the files to his view. “I’ve looked through them and have some recommendations.”
“I’m certain your recommendations are wise and just,” he nodded. “Whatever you feel appropriate, you may implement.”
“Just like that?” You frowned, at the sweeping control he granted you. “You don’t wish to look through my proposals or discuss them beforehand?”
His breath hitched at your latter suggestion: the thought of discussing this, or anything, with you after suffering this past week without you was far too tempting. But this gesture was meant not only to offer you the responsibility your position was always meant to hold, but to show how he trusted you with the realm.
“If you’d like,” he decided, his eyes alight with the possibility of more time with you. “But I have no doubt you have carefully considered each case and arrived at a fair ruling.” He watched your uncertain eyes, the way your frown softened but remained, and decided to drop the formality of his diplomatic words to offer his unbridled faith in you. “You’ve always been close with the dreamfolk and you understand their needs on such a fundamental level. And your abilities as goddess of virtue has left you a great judge of character and with a keen mind for justice and fairness.”
You listened to his reverent words, his deferential praise of you and your abilities, and you couldn’t help but stare at him, speechless.
“I – Thank you, Dream,” you breathed, his words rendering you a stuttering, blinking mess. “But I’d still like to discuss some of these cases with you, if you have the time, of course.”
“Certainly,” he agreed, before gesturing to the seat beside you.
You took the seat and dove headfirst into a dispute between two settlers of the Eastern Villages. The more you spoke about a topic outside the two of you, the easier you found it to speak to him. You were simply two heads of government discussing the best way to serve their people.
So of course when the files had all been reviewed and your judgments accepted by him, you found nothing left to speak about. And you were faced with two options: you could discuss the true reason he had sent Lucienne to your door with these disputes, or you could leave. But as the quiet settled and he looked expectantly to you, you swallowed thickly as you realized you didn’t want to leave just yet.
“I know why you did this,” you began. Your gaze remained low, unable to watch him as you delivered the delicate words. “It’s one of the promises you made me on our wedding night: that I shall rule by your side.”
“I – I thought you had fallen asleep by then,” he frowned, before continuing softly. “I hadn’t thought you heard me. I had always planned to relegate such duties to you in the time after our wedding, but –”
“That night in Faerie happened,” you finished, sniffling harshly at the brutal memory.
“And I destroyed any chance of delivering on that or any other promise I made to you,” he sighed. He peered at you for a moment, watching the hurt way you swallowed thickly and kept your eyes to the floor, before rising from behind his desk to stand before you. “I’ve asked this before, and should you refuse, I shall never again raise the issue,” he decided, kneeling before you. “Would you give me the chance to honor every promise I’ve made you?”
You peered down at him for a moment before your gaze fell away and your lips parted with a denial he couldn’t bear to hear. So he reached for your hands, and as he held them delicately, he continued.
“And, should my attempts to earn your love back fail, I shall never take another lover. I vow that should you remain stranded and heartbroken, then I shall suffer the same fate as you.”
“You would?” You breathed.
“You said you suffered those same centuries without me,” he explained, softly. “That our punishments were equal, but they weren’t. You had no one to care for you in all that time. No one to love you,” he breathed, his thumbing brushing gently over your knuckles. “While I took Calliope, you had no one. So if you grant me this chance and I fail to earn your love, I will ensure that this time, our suffering will be equal: if you remain without a love, then so shall I.”
The steady cadence of his voice, the unwavering look in his eye as he made this promise to you, the comforting feel of his hands around yours: it all spelled honesty in the best way. But you couldn’t seem to dislodge one nagging question.
“Why now?” You wondered, as you pulled your hands from his hold to cross your arms. “Why, after the death of your son have you come to make amends with me? You told me you wanted another child after Orpheus died. So did you simply want another child or did you want to make amends with me by fulfilling this promise you made me centuries ago?”
He considered your question, his eyes falling from yours as he considered the best way to broach this truth.
“In the wake of his death, I found myself reconsidering every instance in which I had failed him. I hadn’t realized how many there were,” he breathed. “But underneath it all, underneath every mistake was the same lurking reason: it was always meant to be you. I was never meant to be with Calliope. And perhaps Orpheus’ death was simply the Fates’ way of correcting what never should have been.”
“Dream!” You rushed, before reaching to pull at his hands. “You mustn’t think like that!” You scolded lightly, with a firm squeeze as you peered down at him. “People aren’t things that are meant to be or not meant to be. They simply are. Whether your son was meant to be or not, is not the question! All that matters is that he was. He was here and he brought you great joy, Dream. And that is what you must hang onto, instead of ruminating on the unknowable workings of fate.”
And the corners of his lips turned in a wistful smile at the way your words soothed the aching loss of his son and the guilt that ate at him.
“You always know what to say to me,” he sighed. “When the news of his death left me in such great pain, it was your arms I longed for. Not Calliope’s,” he confessed. “I knew she could not comfort me the way you would. Because I never loved her the way I loved you. And she could never love me as you once did.”
“And yet you still sought a life with her,” you scoffed, before sliding your hands out from around his to cross your arms against your chest.
“You told me long ago to settle for a life with Calliope because I would never again have one with you.”
“So this is my fault?” You breathed, incensed. “It’s my fault that you decided to bed another woman after what you did to me?!”
“No,” he sighed. “I took your words to heart and abandoned you to start a life with Calliope. I told myself that I had abandoned you to start a life with Calliope because it was what you wanted, but in fact, I was furious that you had rejected me. That you would choose a lifetime of loneliness rather than return to me.”
Your lips pursed to a bitter smile as you nodded your understanding.
“And that’s why you made love to her in our bed,” you breathed, with a spiteful chuckle. “You were enraged by my denial, so you thought you’d retaliate by quite literally having her take my place.”
And the breath he didn’t need rushed out of him then, as he looked to you with wide eyes and parted lips.
“You didn’t know I was there,” you realized, slowly.
“No,” he whispered, peering at you in silent devastation.
“I honestly thought you had done it on purpose,” you breathed, blinking as you reconsidered the event. “That you wanted me to see it.”
“No,” he breathed, and his throat bobbed at thought that you had seen him like that. With her. And even more devastatingly, that you believed he had meant for you to see such a violation of his word to you. “I know how much that would have hurt you, and I would never have done that,” he tried to assure you, but all you could do was let out another bitter chuckle.
“That’s exactly why I thought you had done it,” you explained. “I don’t think I’d ever wept as much as I did that night,” you added with uncomfortable breath of laughter. “Not even after that night in Faerie,” you added, wiping quickly at your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and as he swallowed thickly to clear his aching throat, his eyes stung at the thought of you weeping in your bed. “I’m sorry you witnessed that. That I did that to you.”
He tried to prepare himself for anything: you to burst into tears once more, scream at him again, run out of his study, but he hadn’t expected you to simply stare at him with a furrowed brow.
“I – You, You just apologized,” you breathed. “To me,” you realized, as you turned your head in a suspicious glance. “You’ve never apologized to me.”
“Perhaps I should apologize for that as well,” he sighed, before his gaze dipped low with centuries-worth of shame. “There aren’t apologies enough for my actions that night in Faerie. And I don’t believe forgiveness possible for how I’d hurt you that night, or in the days after, but I never should have spoken to you that way. I never should have laid my hands upon you in anything other than love and reverence. The way you looked at me then, with such fear and hurt,” he breathed, and you watched as the memory of that night played in his mind. You watched his eyes shut against the memory of your fear-stricken form and his throat bob at the way you had tried to pry his hands off of you. “It has never stopped haunting me,” he admitted in a shaky breath.
You witnessed the pain he felt now at that memory, but you couldn’t let go of the pain he had caused you since that night.
“I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did that night,” you decided. “The vile, obscene things you said to me that night and the following morning have cut me every day since. And the way you grabbed me that night,” you paused, as a shaky breath escaped you. “I have never felt such fear before, Morpheus. I had never expected someone I love as much as you to hurt me in such a way,” you admitted, your gaze fixed at his feet as you couldn’t bear to look up at him. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I love you far too much, Dream. You were right, when you came to my chambers thirty years after that night: I can’t bear to be without you,” you admitted, your gaze dipping from his as you rose from your seat and turned from him before continuing.
He watched your turned back and the way your fingers reached out to trace along the bookshelf before you. You had admitted to loving him, but your remorseful tone and the way you turned from him now dropped any hope he had that you might return to him.
“I had come to our chambers one night, days after that conversation, to beg you take me back. I had come to swallow my pride, to ignore everything I knew was right, everything I held sacred, just to hold you again,” you confessed, and you didn’t bother to wipe away the tears. After all, you knew that wouldn’t be the last of them. “And then I saw her underneath you. In our bed. In the position I had come to so pitifully beg for. And I was… grateful.”
His head rose at your unexpected word.
“I had almost given up on what I believed in. What I was revered for. I watched you desecrate everything I stood for, watched you commit the atrocity you had accused me of, what you vowed you would never do to me,” you paused then, as you recalled his vow to want no one other than you. “And I realized that I didn’t want you anymore,” you continued, letting a deep breath soothe your aching throat. “How could I want someone who held no respect for me or what I stood for? And if you never cared enough to respect me, to respect what I am, how could you even love me?”
“But I do love you,” he cried, softly.
You watched him peer up at you with teary eyes, and yours narrowed as you caught something shift in him. “Maybe now, maybe you’ve changed,” you nodded. “But not then,” you breathed. “I think you just wanted me. That I intrigued you, fascinated you in a way that you wanted to keep. And when I denied you, when I told you this wouldn’t work, it only made you want me more. You knew that I could have only one lover, one person for all time, and you wanted that to be you. To prove that you, Dream of the Endless, could have someone so elusive, so particular.”
“Your words, painful as they may be to hear, may be accurate,” he realized, and your gaze rose from the bookshelf before you as he admitted to his err. “Your denial did shift something in me. It did led me to seek you more. But not because of your elusiveness. Not because you were some prize to be held. But because I was afraid to lose you. You were so convinced that our love wouldn’t last and I couldn’t bear the thought. And that night in Faerie, the thought of losing you to someone else,” he sighed, his eyes shutting against the image of you in Oberon’s salacious hold. “Even an act as unlikely as that, unnerved me to the point of hurting you. But I treated you as something that could be taken from me. Instead of someone who wanted to be with me,” he realized. “Someone who loved me so dearly that she would never love anyone else. I should have trusted that you could never be swayed to leave me when you cared so deeply for me.”
“Yes,” you sniffled harshly. “You should have.”
His hand went to your shoulder then, wordlessly begging you to face him once more. And you could almost hear his words from the other night. From the night you conceived your child: “Could I see you this time?”
So you turned to him then, with your gaze low and his watching you carefully.
“And I’m sorry that I didn’t. That I in turn broke your trust and your heart anew with my affair with Calliope. I’m certain that all the unfulfilled and broken promises I’ve made you have rendered my words meaningless, but I do regret everything I’ve done to you,” he admitted, his fingers grazing yours gently. “Every way I’ve hurt you. My wife, my love,” he breathed brokenly, as his hand went to the side of your face.
It was yet another bold move, yet another touch he couldn’t help, and yet another caress you melted into. You leaned into his hand, your eyes shutting at the warmth of his touch and you had almost forgotten how your face seemed to fit perfectly into his hand.
“I’ve waited ages for you to say these words to me, Dream,” you whispered, as your hand moved to lay over the one he had at the side of your face. And he swallowed thickly as he felt warm saltwater drip against his palm. His thumb moved quickly to brush the rest from falling, as you continued. “I never thought you would,” you remarked, sadly. “But the way you held me the other day, the way you spoke of our time together, how you still hope that our entwined future still lies ahead of us? I finally let myself hope that it could be true,” you admitted, before opening your teary eyes to peer up at him.
But the promises he made to you on the beaches of the Dreaming flashed in your mind then. And as you recalled how his oaths had won you over and tied you to him for all of existence, you couldn’t help but think how similar this moment now was to that one.
“But I can’t let myself believe it,” you decided, before pulling his hand from your face. “I can’t let myself go on with you in good faith. I can’t believe a word you say to me,” you scoffed. “To violate an oath to a goddess of oaths is,” you paused, desperately trying to find the adequate words. “Something akin to heresy. And to ask her then to believe your oaths afterwards? That is the definition of foolish, Dream. I do believe you wish to make amends. And perhaps you even wish to fulfill your oaths to me. But I shall never love you until I believe that your word can be trusted. That you deserve to be held, to be loved, by someone who is held sacred for the very thing.”
“Then I shall prove to you that my word can be trusted,” he vowed. “That I am worthy of your love.”
Surprisingly, despite your rejection of him, another set of files appeared with Lucienne at your door the next day. You thanked her with a polite smile and returned to your chambers to peruse the new set. There were civil disputes, similar to those from yesterday’s set, but today, you found regional expansion plans and even a proposal for a new dream. He was no longer asking you only to settle civil matters, but to offer him your advice on new endeavors in the realm. To join him in shaping the future of the Dreaming. And you couldn’t help but smile at the gesture.
He paced his study nervously. There was no other word for it, really. He had made several laps of the small space, his fingers twitched at his sides, and he had glanced at the door so many times he was certain he had memorized every grain of wood that comprised the entrance.
Yet your knock hadn’t sounded. It was half an hour past when you had arrived with the reviewed files yesterday, and he had expected you to enter his study any moment now. So he made another lap before deciding to appear nonchalant by sitting behind his desk and looking over some papers he had already reviewed.
Of course, his nonchalance dissipated completely at the sound of a knock. His breath hitched and his eyes shot to the door, before he took a moment to gather himself.
“Come in,” he called out, before studying the papers in his hand with a forced intensity.
“My lady asked that I drop these off with you,” Lucienne announced, before approaching him with the files in hand.
“Oh,” he murmured, before taking them from her. He flipped through the cases and proposals, attempting indifference, but the way his throat bobbed and the dejection laced in his words gave him away. “I thought she might come to deliver them herself.”
“Perhaps she wasn’t feeling up to it, sir,” she offered, with a sympathetic smile.
His attentions turned to her then, his indifferent façade melting at the thought that you may be unwell. “Is she alright?”
“Oh, no, my lord,” she rushed, as she realized her words’ misinterpretation. “She seems fine,” she explained, and a relieved breath slacked his shoulders and pulled the intense concern from his eyes. “I simply meant that perhaps reviewing the files and making her notes were effort enough without adding a meeting to her schedule.”
“I see,” he nodded, before turning his attentions back to your revisions. “Thank you, Lucienne. That will be all,” he dismissed her, but his eyes remained on the short flicks of your handwriting next to his, the graceful flair and delicate loops next to his concise, but stark writing. And as his pale fingers traced over the words you had left, a faint smile ghosted his face.
The weeks had turned to a proper month, but Dream always found himself in his study at the same time each day, waiting for you to appear. Each day he was met with the disappointment of Lucienne’s knock as she entered his study with the files you had reviewed in her hands, but he continued to wait in his study nonetheless.
He let his fingers trace along the ink of your remarks regarding the final proposal in today’s batch, smiling softly at the thought of you seated at your desk as you reviewed each case with the diligence and care he knew you held for the realm. But his smile faltered as he felt another paper with a different heft to it. The color of it was slightly off as well, but he didn’t pay much attention to its hue when the paper’s message was far more interesting:
“Would you care to meet me for dinner tonight?”
His eyes traced over the single line over and over, until his once faltering smile had stretched to a proper one.
You rubbed your wrist nervously as you glanced from the table to the moon that hung just over you. The night air was unusually warm, which only confirmed Dream’s attendance and eased your breath. Taramis had been kind enough to help you select the dishes for tonight, and the palace staff to arrange it all on a modest table on the veranda overlooking the wisteria gardens.
The metal table was bathed in moonlight now, far brighter than one would expect at this hour, and you consoled yourself with that fact. So your grip on your wrist loosened, and you released your bottom lip from your teeth as you reminded yourself that he would be here. That he had accepted your proposal and would keep his word to meet you here tonight.
“Am I late?” He wondered, as he approached the table. He watched your hand fall away from your wrist as you turned to him.
“No!” You rushed. “I’m early,” you explained with a smile. But it faltered as you followed his gaze to your belly. You were barely showing, a slight curve to your belly that was unnoticeable to anyone but him. “I suppose I’ll be quite large in a few months,” you frowned, as your hands pressed against the side of your belly, feeling where your skin would soon start to stretch.
“You’ll still look perfect,” he assured you, and you looked up at him to find his eyes aglow at the sight of you.
And a blushing smile turned your lips and warmed your face at his sweet assurances. Your eyes slid to your seat then, eager to break free of his adoring gaze. He followed your cue, taking his seat only after you were comfortably seated.
“It’s been quite some time now, and I thought perhaps we should speak,” you decided, as your fingers traced nervous lines over the table.
“Certainly,” he agreed, before frowning at the way your fingers tapped along the edge of the table. Perhaps you were just as nervous as he. “May I ask how you’ve been?”
“I’m fine,” you smiled, politely. Your gaze dipped then, as you forced yourself to offer more than the simple, bland platitude. “I have been rather consumed lately by tiny pink dresses and impossibly small white sandals,” you admitted, with a giddy laugh.
The sound of your joy was soothing balm to his worried soul, but your words sent his heart soaring as he found himself speechless for a moment.
“A girl?” He breathed a soft laugh of disbelief, and your attentions were pulled from the patterns you were tracing on the table.
“Did the physicians not tell you?” You wondered, frowning at his unawareness.
“No, I had wanted it to be a surprise,” he explained, and your lips parted in dread as you realized what you had ruined.
“I – I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” you rushed, leaning forward anxiously. His lips still curved to a smile, but you couldn’t help but worry you had ruined this for him.
He watched your fingers tense, your nails digging into the metal surface, and he placed his hand over yours in a gentle touch that eased you.
“It’s alright,” he soothed, and he smiled as he felt your anxious fingers relax under his touch. “We’re having a girl,” he repeated, testing the words out with a soft, shaky breath.
“Who will have a rather extensive array of frilly pink dresses from the day she’s born,” you added with a barely contained smile, fully aware of his aversion to the bright, lively color. You watched intently as his lips press to a thin line, before he nodded shortly.
“If you wish,” he agreed, and you narrowed your eyes slightly as you decided to push a little further.
“And nowhere in that vast array shall be a black dress,” you decided. “For black is a lifeless, boring color unfit for a child or anyone with an ounce of life to them.”
You watched the gears turn in his head, the way he forced himself to bite his defensive words back and offer a more diplomatic response. “Perhaps ‘lifeless’ is a bit strong,” he replied, and you stifled the giggle that threatened to escape you at his thinly veiled offense.
“Hmm, it is the color most associated with death and emptiness,” you hummed in disagreement. “And it isn’t a color you see most children in,” you added, before uncovering the first platter and serving him and yourself.
“Well, she won’t be ‘most children,’” he countered, as he lifted the plates to assist you. “The daughter of a goddess and an Endless will certainly have the grace and elegance to dress outside of the norm of ‘most children.’”
“I suppose,” you conceded, with your smile no longer containable. “But I’m certain she’ll take after her mother in that regard,” you decided, before picking up your fork. “And most others,” you teased.
But his eyes seemed to dim as your words returned an earlier fear to him: that you would keep her with you at all times, and in your avoidance of him, he wouldn’t be able to see her.
“Will you let me see her?” He wondered, and your fork slipped from your hand. “Regularly, at least?”
“Dream!” You scolded in a sharp whisper, before reaching for his hands. “Whatever transpires between us, I will always allow you to see her. To spend time with her. Whenever you’d like, however often you’d like. Every day, even. I’d never keep her from you, Dream,” you assured him, before interlacing your fingers with his. Your eyes dipped bashfully then, as you forced the tender words you meant to utter in his study the other day. “And, if she’s anything like her mother, she’ll need you. She’ll need to see you all the time, every day. And she’d miss you terribly when she doesn’t,” you admitted, softly.
“Well, she can see me whenever she’d like,” he assured you, playing along with the way you hid behind your daughter’s needs before adjusting his grip to squeeze your hands. “And she’ll know that I miss her and her mother dearly, and I long for the day I earn her mother’s love back.”
Morpheus/Dream of the Endless x gender-neutral!Reader
Summary: Morpheus learns that there is no such thing as getting over a soulmate.
Word count: 7.5k
A note from the author: Apologies for the longer-than-normal wait—life seems to have a way of doing that (being a big sister is both my greatest joy and my heaviest burden, but everybody is now doing okay!). Also, apologies for what I'm about to put you through (I say as I laugh evilly while typing this).
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The Dreaming is quiet when Morpheus finally finds it in himself to move from the spot where he last saw you, his realm enveloped in a facsimile of the same nighttime that he just came from. Where normally such quiet would be preferable, it is now a stark reminder of how alone he feels in the universe, even with Matthew nervously hopping at his side.
“Look, I’m sure everything’s going to turn out alright! Just give it a couple of days for everything to cool down, and then you’ll be called for; you guys can make up, and this will one day be a funny story to tell!” Matthew stammers, desperate to help in any way he can.
Another time, such assurances would be appreciated. Now, stuck in the terrible memories of what just occurred, he does not share any of them in the slightest. Before he is forced to make a decision, to say something or do something that means that he is moving on (physically, at least; mentally, he believes he will always be standing under the streetlight, watching you walk away from him), the doors at the end of the hall swing open, and his librarian hurries towards him.
“You’re safe,” Lucienne observes, a hand over her chest in relief.
Immediately, Morpheus feels worse than he already has—an impressive feat, since he is currently experiencing some of the worst emotional pain of his eternal life.
He was not the only one affected by his imprisonment. Lucienne, his right hand, his confidante, his…friend, had been the only one to retain any faith in him throughout his long absence. She alone watched as the other residents of the Dreaming fled, staying behind and bearing witness to the crumbling and decay of everything around her. Hers was the first friendly face he saw upon freeing himself, the calm that helped him to believe that the immense damage to both himself and his realm was reparable. That he has once more placed her in a position to worry about him is yet another wrong he has committed in a long string of them this evening.
“You left the realm so suddenly; we were worried that something terrible had happened.” She takes stock of him now, eyes cataloguing what surely would amount to shell shock in a human. “Are you all right?”
No, he desperately wants to say. I have ruined my chance at happiness, at love. What is left for me in this life, if I can not have whom I love at my side?
But he says nothing of the sort. “I shall be retiring to my chambers for the rest of the day. I do not wish to be disturbed.”
Much to his surprise, his voice holds steady as he speaks, yet his words, ringing as hollow to hear as they feel to say, do nothing to reassure Lucienne. The crease between her brows deepens as she stares up at him. “Do you…want to talk about what happened?”
Were this a normal situation, she never would have broached such impropriety as her ruler sharing his troubles with her. But it is clear that, while she does not know what has happened, something has happened, something so awful that it has left him reeling. Though she deserves to know, he cannot bring himself to speak about what has truly occurred. For once, Morpheus is grateful for Matthew’s inability to keep any secrets, for the raven will almost certainly recount what he knows upon Morpheus’s departure.
He can meet her eyes no longer, and instead fixes his own straight ahead down the corridor. “Tomorrow, I shall resume my duties. In the meantime, I ask that you deal with any issues that may arise.”
She watches him for a long moment before sighing, the weight of what goes unsaid behind the action. “Of course, sir.”
With a stiff nod, Morpheus swiftly departs, leaving behind his advisors without another glance. While he could use his sand to transport himself to his chambers, he chooses instead to make the long walk alone.
Rather, he attempts to be alone. Your earlier words repeat through his mind like the tolling of a bell—he could travel to the farthest corners of the universe and be unable to escape them.
“You’ve lied to me from the moment we met! About everything.”
“I could have gotten hurt, or—or god forbid, killed! Because of you.”
“You don’t even really know me.”
“I don’t want to see you again.”
The pain of your words is blistering and unceasing, yet it is a pain that he deserves, for he knows that every word you spoke tonight was true. He did lie to you. He did put you in danger. He would not blame you if you do truly decide that you want nothing more to do with him, though such a thought is almost unbearable.
For every moment of pain at your misunderstanding of what he was doing, he knows that he has caused you the same, tenfold. In the thrilling rush of courting you, he forgot the essence of who you are: human. He remembered, of course—every time he twisted the truth to fit your understanding of the world, every slip-up when he said or did something that humans do not say or do—but he forgot how resistant humans are towards what they do not know, of the wide bevy of emotions they have to respond to any number of situations.
Fear, he anticipated. Perturb, yes. But anger? Devastation? Never did he see those emotions as an outcome when he imagined telling you the truth of who he is; never did he want to see such emotions on you.
When he finally arrives at his chambers, the doors to the balcony are already open, awaiting him and his misery. Outside, the gray skies herald rain, which the residents of the Dreaming are surely dreading after the last time their lord was rebuffed. Yet another source of immense regret and shame: how his emotions are innately tied to the weather of his realm.
The calm, blissful days when Morpheus is simply going about his function are familiar to the Dreaming, as are the ferocious storms when he feels a bit…tempestuous. The weather, as of late, he knows, has been a source of gossip and amusement for the realm. Fresh blooms sprout from every tree, flower, and plant, painting the landscapes in a dazzling array of colors not typically seen on such flora. Rainbows frequently stretch across the sky, birdsong is the melodies of popular love ballads throughout history, and the heat of the realm has only risen as your courtship has progressed, until the temperatures after your first date would be considered a heat wave in the Waking. He is in love, and, much to his embarrassment, everybody knows it.
The rain that begins to fall puts a damper on any such lovestruck environment, but much to what is surely everyone’s surprise, it does not storm as it typically would after a rejection like he’s just experienced—the usual dark clouds, crashing thunder, sharp lightning, and floods are absent. It simply rains, heavily and unceasingly, for there is nothing for him to be mad bout. He did this to himself. His inaction, his indecision, his desire to preserve the first blooms of new love—it has all led to this.
Morpheus sinks to his knees just past the threshold of the balcony, unable to find the strength to stand anymore, and the rain quickly drenches every inch of him. He allows the water to chill him to the bone, shaking as he thinks of your expressive eyes and the myriad ways they looked at him tonight. Shock, bewilderment, betrayal, fury. They were devoid of any of the affection or happiness he had seen within them just days before, and he shudders to think that this might be the last memory he has of you.
Were the circumstances normal, he would have already devised a number of plans to attempt to salvage the burgeoning relationship he, mere hours ago, had with you. He is the king of dreams, after all—possibilities abound within his realm. But all he can focus on as he leans his head back and lets the rain run over his face is how empty he feels, as though you were already interwoven into the very fiber of his being, whatever makes him what he is, and has been torn thusly from him. He mourns the loss of how complete he once felt, how bright his future seemed, how close to fulfillment his hopes were. He mourns who he might have been with true love by his side forevermore.
What he would give to ensure one more chance to be in front of you, to try to make amends for what he has done, to explain his reasoning for every word he has said to you, to…apologize to you, an action so unfamiliar to him that he assumes it would be almost comical for him to try. Pieces of his power, his realm, himself—all things which he had fought for, had desperately clawed back from forces who meant to keep it for themselves upon his imprisonment, but all things that he would happily part with for the guarantee that you would simply listen to him. He does not even need you to forgive him, though that would be preferable; he simply needs you to listen.
At some point, he becomes aware of warm water interspersed on his face, in stark contrast with the cold rain, and realizes that he has begun to cry. He scowls, a lone bolt of lightning weakly sparking in the far distance. The human body he prefers to manifest as has always been susceptible to tears, despite his best efforts—though he can bend reality to his will and form creations from mere sand, he has never been able to make himself incapable of crying. The more he attempts to put a stop to it, in fact, the faster the tears come, until he is openly weeping for all that he has lost.
Hope has always been hard for him to come by, but it feels almost impossible to find any semblance of it now. He has always been drawn to those with a will as strong as his own, and it is now working against him. He has no reason to believe that you will come back to him, that you will want a life with him over the comfortable familiarity of your own human one. He can offer you everything—the universe, wonders beyond your imagination, a kingdom, his complete, undying love and fidelity—but is that something that you would even want? Does he know you? Or is it as you say, and he is instead more enamoured with the fact that he has a soulmate than that it is you who is his soulmate?
He thinks of all of the ways that humans believe they know one another, seen through the lenses of their dreams. Their favorite things: music, films, books, colors, and foods are just the start. To know a human is to know the mundane, such as birthdays and important figures in their lives, as well as the intricate, like experiences that have made them who they are, their core tenets and ideals.
To his chagrin, Morpheus realizes that he does not know any of this about you. He could, of course: all he needs to do is tap into the stores of knowledge he holds within him, your dreams surely containing all of these answers. But he refuses to violate your trust once more, to use his powers to gain an advantage he has no right to take.
Your courtship has been a relatively short one, but what he does know of you, he already loves dearly. Your curious mind, always asking questions and always sparking with possibilities. Your passion, which drives and fuels you. Your presence and companionship, which have made him feel at home in a Waking that has always been foreign to him.
Perhaps this was the Fates’ grand plan all along, the way to finally get back at him for the business with Circe that they have never truly gotten over. Let him find his soulmate, let his soulmate be within his grasp, and let the Dreamlord’s own hubris bring about his ruin, for this is what he does. He ruins every relationship he has, every bit of happiness that comes his way, never seeming to learn from his many mistakes. All three of the Ladies must surely be getting immense enjoyment from this.
This is what he gets for allowing himself to want, to…desire. Heartbreak and ruin, to a level never previously experienced. No matter. If you want him to stay away from you, then stay away he shall. Instead, he will throw himself into his work once more and embody his function. Let this be a reminder of how the Endless have no need for human emotions. His siblings have managed to do just fine without love, and he shall, as well.
At least, that is what he aspires to.
•••
As promised, Morpheus resumes his duties the next day.
By ‘resumes his duties,’ of course, he really means haunting the halls of his home like a ghost before making it as far as his throne room, where he locks himself away to collapse onto his throne and stare at the vast universe of the ceiling above him while wondering how he got here. The stars twinkle above him, galaxies twisting and turning and reflecting his own inner turmoil. Despite his best efforts (which, admittedly, are not very driven at this moment), he cannot stop thinking of you, of what you might be doing or feeling or saying right now.
Though he would never wish misery upon you, he thinks that it would bring him some comfort to know that you share in his devastation. That you did not break things off due to a lack of feelings, but rather due to too many. To know that you are also mourning what might be lost would be a bittersweet comfort to him, one that is equal parts heartwrenching as it is reassuring. As it stands, he is alone in his anguish, left to wonder and imagine.
“Dream? Are you all right?” That question again, only from a new source now, draws him out of his thoughts and back to full awareness.
It takes him a moment to realize that his location has changed, against his will. He looks up slowly, taking note of the water, and the fog, and the mirrors—and his sister, standing before him and watching him cautiously, her hook glinting from where she nervously fidgets with it.
“Forgive me, sister,” he apologizes, abashed at inadvertently trespassing in Despair’s realm.
“For what? No one ever comes to visit. I’m glad you’re here.” She seems to realize what she’s said, how it may sound, and grimaces. “I mean, I’m sorry you’re here. I’m sorry…about your soulmate.”
“You know,” he gathers. Does everybody? In the same way that, as his sibling said, ‘word got out’ about his having a soulmate, has it now trickled out that he has been rejected?
Laugh at the once-mighty Dream King, how far he has fallen once more. In his wounded state, he can only assume that is what Despair is here for—to report back on his anguish to her twin so that they may both find some merriment from it.
She nods. “You are not the only one hurting, my brother. This is a place where people go to be…miserable. And grieve. And hit bottom.”
Morpheus bristles at the assumption that he has ‘hit bottom’ (if anyone besides one of his siblings were to even wonder such a thing, he would send nightmares of the worst variety their way before they could even finish the thought) before realizing that he has, in fact, hit bottom. There’s something else in her words that captures his attention, though: the implication that someone else is feeling this level of pain. And while she could simply be referring to one of the millions of other lost souls despairing right now, he knows that she, much like every member of his family, chooses her words extremely carefully.
“Do you want to see for yourself?” Despair asks, gesturing towards a mirror and confirming his theory.
He should say no. You had extracted this promise from him, after all—that he leave you alone, until and unless you call. He is a being of his word, and yet—
Your voice rings clearly through the mirror, and all he can focus on is how tired and upset you sound, the tears you try to stifle as you talk to somebody unknown to him. If he were to simply glance out of the corner of his eye, he would surely see you, as miserable as he. Do you regret last night’s occurrences? Who are you seeking comfort from? What have you told them of him?
Do you miss him?
The temptation to look is almost too strong for him to fight against, and he has to force himself to close his eyes tightly and shake his head. “Cease this torture, my sister.”
“Sorry.” She makes a wiping movement with her hand, and the mirror goes blissfully, heartwrenchingly quiet. “Some people do get something from looking in the mirrors. Comfort, closure, more pain. I always like to offer it to those who make it this far into my realm.”
“Do many traverse this path?” he asks, largely unfamiliar with the inner workings of Despair’s realm and seeking any bit of distraction that he can get.
She presses her lips together, hesitant to speak. “Only those who are experiencing true despair.”
Ah, of course. “And that is why I am here?”
She nods. “You need a place to go to mope.”
“I do not mope,” he snaps halfheartedly.
Despair looks down at him, eyebrow raised. “Then what do you call this? Sulking? Brooding?”
“Despondency,” he supplies.
“Same thing,” she retorts lightly, before hesitating once more. Morpheus watches his sister, curious as to her next move.
Through no fault of her own and almost solely due to her proximity to her twin, Despair is the sibling Morpheus knows the least about, though that also may be in part due to her predecessor’s unfortunate demise—so long ago now that it’s difficult for him to conjure the first Despair’s face in his mind. He is familiar with the act of despairing, of course, but as to what his sister truly does, her motivations and thought processes, he is blind. Finally, she moves until she comes to perch on the arm of his throne, waiting until he makes eye contact with her to continue.
“You cannot stay here, you know.”
His brow furrows in confusion. “Yes, I have my own realm to attend to.”
“No, I mean, you cannot stay here, in despair. I have never known you to go down without a fight, my brother.”
Belatedly, he realizes that his sister intends to comfort him. Truly, the world as he once knew it is no longer. “I have been instructed to stay away until—”
Despair rolls her eyes. “You’re called for, yes, my realm had a front row seat to how last night went down. But why are you acting as though the connection has already been severed, like you were told that your soulmate did not love you at all?”
Though vulnerability chafes at him, he can feel the need to…talk overtaking him like a wave of water against a poorly constructed dam. “When I…attempted to confess my love plainly, I was very quickly and emphatically rebuffed.”
Her sudden cough suspiciously sounds as though it could be covering a laugh, and Morpheus attempts to glower at her. “Were the words ‘I do not love you’ or anything similar uttered, though?”
“No,” he says, though he would argue that the sob you were unable to hold back as he attempted to proclaim his own love for you said more than words could.
“Humans are scared of everything, both good and bad. It is an evolutionary, primal response to keep them always aware of potential threats. Think of how many fear-inducing situations your soulmate was put through last night.”
He does, though it is easy to envision the way in which you were hunted like prey through your campus’s library to avoid being captured and harmed. To picture what it must be like, to learn that every single story of myth, legend, and fiction that you have grown up with is entirely real. To conceive of the shock that you must have experienced when discovering that there are forces far older and more powerful than anything you can imagine, forces that have fated you to a being nearly as old and powerful as said forces.
It finally clicks for him, and Despair, picking up on just that, lays a hand on his shoulder.
“There is no reason for you to be here, Dream, for this is nowhere close to the end of your story. Humans lash out when they’re scared—they get upset, they run, they say things they do not mean. But eventually, the fear abates. Eventually, they must face what it is that has made them run in the first place. Especially when they are running from a soulmate.”
“You are advising patience,” Morpheus surmises. “Matthew said much the same.”
“He is smarter than you give him credit for, and he understands his own species far better than you ever will.” Morpheus is unsure whether his sister is referring to his understanding of humans or the Endless, and the ambiguity makes his lips twitch upwards ever so slightly—a movement that does not go unnoticed. “Rarely have I seen soulmates remain indefinitely in my realm, and I have no reason to believe that you will be any different.”
“You truly believe so?” It is a question entirely unlike Morpheus to ask, and it’s one that he almost does not verbalize. Be it the circumstances he currently finds himself in, or his physical location bringing to the surface such…emotions, he cannot stop it from escaping him.
For once, Despair’s face does not mirror the derision or disdain of their twin’s. Rather, shades of Death’s concern, of her caring nature, flit across Despair’s features. “Oh, Dream. You must know I wouldn’t lie to you, not about this!”
Though he wishes to come up with a rebuttal to this statement, he knows that, when it comes to truly serious matters, Despair does not lie. Not like…
“You will tell no one of this,” Morpheus says sternly.
This time, it is Despair’s lips that quirk into a smile. “And there’s that famous fight of yours. Leave this place, my brother. There is still hope for you, yet.”
He reaches his hand up slowly until it falls on top of Despair’s, still sitting on his shoulder, and squeezes gently. He has learned much in this sojourn to his sister’s realm, and he is grateful for it. Patience, for one, and to remember that you are human, first and foremost. But he has also realized that traits he has always associated with Despair—conniving, cruel, deceitful—should, perhaps, be more so attributed to her twin.
This is the closest he will come to thanking her—the humiliation of thanking Desire for warning him, months ago, under the streetlights outside of the New Inn, still fresh in his mind—but he does not need to use words. Despair nods, squeezing his hand as well before standing up and wandering away from him, through the fog and the mirrors, until he’s left with only the bitter taste of melancholy in the back of his throat. Then, he’s gone as well.
Back to the Dreaming, and back to the fight.
•••
There are shades of you in every corner of the Dreaming, though this is not new. From the moment Morpheus learned the truth of what was to be your relationship, you became his muse, even when he was not consciously aware of it (especially when he was not consciously aware of it). The brightness of your smile has lit the moonlit paths lovers have strolled through, and your laugh carries in the wind that ruffles the hair of dreamers cruising idyllic coastlines. The color of your eyes features prominently in the color palettes of dreams, no matter how out of place it may seem. Newly created dreams are a little more fiery, newly created nightmares a little kinder. You are everywhere he turns; you are everything—to him, that is, which means that you are everything to the Dreaming.
He cannot outrun you, nor does he want to. Though it hurts to be reminded of you everywhere he goes, it is a necessary ache, like the ache of his unused muscles after 106 long years of captivity. The rain, too, has slowed from a downpour to a drizzle, and though the clouds remain ever-present, faint rays of sunlight are attempting to burst through. A reminder that not all hope is lost, that there is still something worth fighting for.
If he thought that the wait to touch you—to kiss you—for the first time was arduous, this separation is a true test of his patience. Thankfully, he has his work to turn to and has finally resumed some semblance of his responsibilities, much to the relief of his overwhelmed staff. Mervyn required his approval on plans for a new wing of the palace (a new wing that was entirely unrelated to the assumption that you would eventually join him in the Dreaming and presumably require your own space), Nuala wanted to know which of the many (many, many) flowers on the grounds she could prune, and Lucienne…
Lucienne has suddenly come into the possession of an extraordinary amount of administrative papers that require his attention, so many that Morpheus is starting to wonder if she is, perhaps, procuring ‘busy work’ for him.
Regardless of her motives, it is a relief to have so many distractions. He knows that he cannot sit around aimlessly while waiting for you—knows that he will drive himself mad by doing so—and sinking back into his work, his duty, is comfortable. Familiar, in a time when he is experiencing a wide variety of unfamiliarity. To have such banal tasks as reviewing new library intakes and surveying a nightmare who swears he is ready to be on his own in the Dreaming is welcome.
Though as Morpheus finishes a letter to Faerie advising Queen Titania of the borderline treasonous actions of one of her own (he was, after all, extremely careful in not making any promises to Puck before scaring him off), he becomes aware of another familiarity, this one unwelcome: the question of where his raven had gone off to. Matthew was allowed to go where he pleased, of course. He simply had a special talent for being annoyingly present when unwanted, and scarce when needed.
“Matthew?” Morpheus calls expectantly, melting the wax and pouring it onto the folded parchment to await his official seal.
Silence remains his companion, and he looks up from his desk to be met by an empty study. Curious. His emissary typically arrives within moments when summoned.
“Matthew?” he tries again. When a minute passes and he’s still alone, Morpheus begins to grow concerned. There is no reason why Matthew should not have responded, barring injury or imprisonment.
Memories of Jessamy form before he can stop them from rising to the forefront of his mind, and he closes his eyes as though to block them out. The Order is defeated, the Magdalene Grimoire no more. There is no threat to himself, nor to his newest raven. Still, that does not stop him from tapping into the mental link that he has always shared with his ravens, searching for Matthew through the far reaches of the universe.
It does not take nearly that long for Morpheus to locate Matthew’s presence, inexplicably in the Waking. He has not been sent on any errand that would take him out of the palace, let alone to another realm, which means Matthew has left on a personal journey. While he is not forbidden from doing so, it is highly unusual, and Morpheus, finding himself in an investigative mood, peers through the raven’s eyes to determine what has led him away from home.
Almost immediately, Morpheus regrets ever doing so. Matthew perches on a street lamp, watching as a couple kisses passionately in a dingy alley. Only, it is not any random couple. No, it is you, kissing the mortal man who has fancied you for months. He holds you just as Morpheus once did, and you’re just as receptive as you were that night at the British Museum, what feels like another lifetime ago.
It is an awful scene to bear witness to, and yet, Morpheus finds that he cannot look away. This is his punishment for how he lied to you, how he hurt you—his soulmate, kissing a man so unworthy of you that the match is almost laughable, while he is unable to do anything but watch.
Matthew finally senses his lord in his mind and turns away from the scene. But it is too late, the damage irreparably done, and the seal stamp clatters off of the desk and onto the floor as Morpheus loses his grip on it before his hand goes instead to his chest, where it feels as though some being far more powerful and terrible than he has just physically ripped out what would be his heart, were he human.
The pain in his chest is immense, but it does nothing to drown out what he has seen, what he has learned. You have made up your mind, then. You would rather have a comfortable, mortal life, with a comfortable, mortal partner, as opposed to the love of a soulmate—a love that wars are fought over, a love that spurs into creation deals with fae and demons, a love that has been written and composed and spoken and dreamed about for as long as there have been beings with the capacity to love. Perhaps this is why soulmate pairings between a mortal and an Other are so rare. Mortals must simply not have the capacity to understand and appreciate a soulmate bond, driving to ruin the god or fae or spirit or Endless unlucky enough to be on the other side.
Matthew comes crashing back into the Dreaming, landing on Morpheus’s desk and squawking at whatever his face must be conveying right now. “Oh no, you weren’t supposed to see any of that! Just let me explain, from a human perspective, what—”
“Leave me, Matthew,” Morpheus interrupts, his voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.
Matthew, impudent as ever, shakes his head. “But—we talked, and I think there are a lot of confusing emotions being felt by your soulmate, and if I could just—”
“LEAVE.” The command shakes the room, the lights snuffed out in one blow as Morpheus temporarily loses his grip on corporeality.
The room elongates, then narrows, as shadows begin to writhe and take on a mind of their own. Voices—of the damned, of the brokenhearted, of the hopeless—cry out from everywhere and nowhere, all at once. A choked noise of fright, akin to a human squeak, escapes Matthew as he looks into the pinpoints of light that are now Morpheus’s eyes. Distantly, he is aware that Matthew has never seen this version of him—Nightmare, as opposed to Dream, is who scares the raven off, who watches as he hurriedly takes off from the desk and through the door that has manifested and opened specifically for him. The slamming of the door corresponds with a heavy boom of thunder, the rain that had very nearly abated suddenly pouring down in sheets as the wind outside begins to howl fiercely.
Alone again, Morpheus collapses backwards, gasping at the sharp ache in his chest and massaging his sternum in a futile attempt to soothe it. His initial, wounded response is to blame you for all of this. How dare you do this to him? How dare you make him fall hopelessly in love with you without any effort on your part? How dare you be human, and react as humans do, and not understand important universal concepts that are unfamiliar to humans?
Under all of his rage, there remains an insidious voice that whispers how this is all Morpheus’s fault. How dare he hurt you? How dare he get his hopes up? How dare he never learn his lesson, chasing after love when it is very clearly never meant for him?
The image of you kissing that pathetic mortal is an image that will be burned into his memory for as long as he lives—those unworthy hands on your waist, your lips, which Morpheus wrongly assumed were now his and his alone to kiss, on another man’s. Does Morpheus truly mean so little to you? Are humans so unaffected by the forces of fate that they can move on from soulmates so easily, in a matter of days?
Morpheus wishes he were the same. Thousands of beings would trip over themselves to bed any one of the Endless and, in a moment of insanity, he almost begins to formulate a mental list. But alas, he is not human. Every part of himself belongs to you, and has for months. He will forever be yours, even though you want him no longer.
Those early fears—that he would be doomed to watch you from afar as you go through life without him before inevitably taking his sister’s hand to the Sunless Lands, where he cannot follow—resurface. This is now his reality, his destiny. He will have to live a life without you, and what a sorry excuse of a life is that, without his true love?
The storm that proceeds to ravage the Dreaming for the rest of the evening will go down in the recorded history of the realm, with very few denizens alive to have remembered the last storm of this ferocity. Tornadoes spawn out of blizzards that blanket deserts. Wetlands dry up before flooding again. The lightning that cracks unceasingly against the sky rivals Zeus’s most vengeful outbursts at his strongest. A storm just as fierce rages within the Dreamlord, once again alone and on an island of his own making.
An island that he is condemned to never, ever leave.
•••
The storm eventually comes to an end, as storms are wont to do. Rage cannot persist indefinitely, not at that force. Morpheus has not made a conscious decision to do so—indeed, the lack of storm, of wind and thunder and rain, is what pulls him back to awareness. He does not know how much time has passed, only that it is now daylight, when before, it was night. Across the realm, he can sense his people beginning the efforts to clean up the devastation he has wrought. Downed trees must be cleared, excess rain must be mopped up, broken structures must be put back together. He knows that he should feel terrible about this—distantly, he does—but all he can truly feel right now is pain.
His head aches—though that is simply the prevailing ache at the moment, for a quick inventory of himself reveals that his whole body aches, stemming from the epicenter that is his chest. It is a splintering pain, one that seems as though there is no start or end, and it makes it difficult to think clearly. He is both hot and cold, and cannot recall ever not having control of such aspects of himself as body temperature. There’s a weakness, too, that has overcome him, too weak to even fathom moving from where he is slumped over in his chair.
But move he must, for something is clearly not right. Morpheus has been weak before—after battling the Old Gods, after escaping Fawney Rig—but never like this. Never before has he felt so empty, yet so overwrought with sensation. Never before has he been unable to wrest back control of himself, to once more become Dream of the Endless after a period of emotional instability. He needs answers; he needs…help.
Morpheus means to stand, to check himself over, to make himself look presentable before journeying to the library. But right now, with the disconnect between his mind and his body, his powers focus solely on reaching the library, and he travels there between one blink and the next before he is ready. As a result, he lands harshly on the ground, his weary legs unable to keep him upright. He groans—groans!—at the pain, and his three closest advisors gasp at the sight of him.
“My lord!”
“What is—”
“Holy shit, boss, are you okay?”
“I do not believe so,” he says shakily, the first words he has spoken since commanding Matthew to leave. Even his voice, hoarse as though he has been screaming for hours without reprieve, is affected by the mysterious ailment that has befallen him.
Morpheus staggers to a kneeling position as he takes in the sight before him: the library seems, for the most part, unscathed from the storms, save for a nearby hole in the ceiling that was presumably created from the branches now lying scattered on the floor around him. Books are knocked off of their shelves, and leaves and other foliage cover them, but the room seems spared of any water damage. Good. The last thing he wants is for this wealth of knowledge to be ruined due to his actions.
“—Sir, are you listening?” Lucienne comes into focus as Morpheus blinks, and he realizes that she has been talking to him without his knowing.
“I…am sorry, Lucienne, I must not have heard you.”
Lucienne’s eyes widen at the apology, so uncharacteristically and freely given. “I asked what your symptoms are.”
He explains them as best he can, though how does one put into words such a distinct and pervasive sense of wrongness? For that is at the forefront of his so-called symptoms: now that he has seen you seek comfort in the arms of another, he is unmoored, like a ghost ship drifting aimlessly through the oceans without purpose. Lucienne listens intently, brow furrowed, though she seems to already have ideas about what has befallen him before he has finished speaking.
“I have a couple of ideas, but let me consult some texts before I say anything more.” Lucienne rises hurriedly, disappearing down the shelves with a last command of, “Nuala, Matthew, stay with Lord Morpheus!”
Nuala hesitantly kneels in front of him, Matthew right beside her. She searches his face for something—though he is unsure what that something is, she seems to find it after a moment.
“Forgive me, my lord.” She reaches up a hand and rests the back of it against Morpheus’s forehead, then his cheek. It is cool against his heated skin, a much-needed balm, one that only lasts for a moment after she removes her hand. “I believe you have a fever,” she says in shock.
Immediately, he is shooting the notion down. “That is ridiculous. Endless do not get…fevers.”
“So you manifested the temperature, then?” Matthew interjects.
“No,” he admits.
The pain chooses this moment to spike in his chest, and his hand again goes to press against it in the hopes that he will get some relief. Nuala watches this action closely, her face going pale almost immediately.
“Lucienne!” she calls, panic tinting her tone. “I believe I know what the issue is!”
The librarian takes a few minutes to return, either deep in research or so deep within the library that she has not heard Nuala. In the meantime, tremors begin to wrack Morpheus; from exertion or illness, he is unsure. The instability has forced him to shift so that he is leaning against a bookshelf, legs splayed out in front of him in a very un-kingly manner. Nuala and Matthew keep watch over him, the latter uncharacteristically quiet. When she does reappear, holding three books in her arms, her face is grim, even as she attempts a reassuring smile.
On some level, he already knows what is afflicting him.
“Based on cursory research,” Lucienne begins, shifting nervously on her feet, “I believe that you may have—”
“Bond sickness,” Morpheus finishes. “I believe so, as well.”
He has always had a morbid curiosity, and after the initial group research on soulmates and modern courting, he brought the books back with him to his chambers for more in-depth reading. Naturally, he took great interest in the bond sickness chapters, perhaps because he never envisioned it as a possibility for himself; not when he had already passed the seemingly insurmountable hurdle of your mortality.
Bond sickness was sudden and brutal, the result of a soulmate attempting to break the bond—be it through another romance, an act of magic, or, in rare cases, physical harm. That you are unaware of the full extent of a soulmate bond matters not to whatever magic binds two parties together: you kissed another, you were romanced by another, and that was enough to bring about this illness. In the cases of bond sickness he read about, both parties suffered as a result of the actions of one. Are you feeling ill too, then? Or has the same humanity that has allowed you to move on so easily also made it so you are not affected by this sickness?
“W—what can we do?” Matthew asks, the only one unfamiliar with the specifics of bond sickness. "There’s a cure, right? There’s always a cure to these sorts of things.”
Nuala swallows harshly. “There is no cure, beyond…”
“Beyond what?” Morpheus asks, not having reached the topic of cures in his personal research.
“Reconciliation. The bond sickness cases I have seen end in either reconciliation or death.”
“Oh, well that’s easy!” Matthew is unexpectedly relieved and looks at Morpheus as though the solution is simple. “Just go to the Waking and make up with your soulmate!”
If only. “I made a promise, Matthew, to stay away until I was summoned,” Morpheus reminds him. “I do not break my promises, especially not towards those I love.” Especially not after all of the lies he told you, all of your trust that he has now lost.
“But…did you not hear Nuala? You’re going to die if you don’t.”
Would that be so bad? To embrace whatever waits for him, waits for the Endless after they die? He has, after all, lived what would be considered a long and fulfilling life by most standards. “If that is my fate, then so be it.”
Matthew rears back as though struck. “No! No, screw this!” His voice is choked with tears as he looks around to see if anybody else is as upset as he is. Beside him, Lucienne, who kneels now next to Nuala, closes her eyes tightly and tilts her head towards the other side of the room so that her face remains hidden. “Dreams don’t die; you don’t die! I talked to your soulmate, okay? And nobody’s fallen out of love with anybody! There’s been a lot to learn in a short amount of time, and some confusing emotions to deal with, but you just need to get together and hear each other out!”
“I will not go until I am called for, Matthew. That is final.” With these words, he has signed his own death warrant, and he can practically hear the sound of wings getting closer, of scissors opening and closing in anticipation of cutting a long string.
“Fuck!” Matthew curses bitterly, flapping his own wings and racing out the doors of the library.
“Matthew!” Nuala wipes the tears that have been silently falling down her face, unable to look at Morpheus as she stands and follows him.
Then, it is just he and Lucienne. Who his reign started with, and who, it seems, it ends with. The significance is not lost on either of them, and she holds her head high as she looks at him, refusing to cry. “You are being serious, then? You would rather die than break a promise?”
“I would rather die than break this promise,” he clarifies.
Lucienne’s mouth twitches, and she forces her gaze downward, holding back from saying something she will seemingly regret. It takes her a few moments to compose herself, and when she looks at him again, her eyes shine behind her glasses. “Then might I help you back to your rooms? So that you might be…comfortable?”
“That would be much appreciated, Lucienne.”
She hesitates even as she helps him stand (propriety, in what is now the last days of his life, has gone out the window), like she was expecting him to find some fight within him yet. But any fire, any drive, is now snuffed out.
Let him die, let him take his sister’s hand. He cares no longer to inhabit a universe without you by his side.
Chapters: 5/?
Fandom: The Sandman (Netflix 2022/2025)
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Dream of the Endless/Morpheus x F!Reader
Characters: Dream of the Endless/Morpheus, Lucienne, Matthew the Raven, Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Fiddler's Green/Gilbert, Hob Gadling, Death Of the Endless, Desire of The Endless, Destiny of The Endless, Despair of The Endless, Destruction of The Endless, Delirium of The Endless, Lyta Hall, Rose Walker, Daniel Hall, The Corinthian, Johanna Constantine, Nada, Orpheus, Nuala, Titania, Auberon, Loki, Puck, The Kindly Ones, Mad Hettie, other minor Sandman characters, Original Characters.
Warnings: 18+ content (minors DNI), explicit sexual content, POV switching, very long chapters to read, swearing.
Summary: Fashion designer in the Waking World, Queen Consort in the realm of dreams. While nurturing Morpheus' child and dwelling alongside him as his devoted wife, you yearned to leave the past behind and embark on this adventure with the love of your newfound immortal existence. However, when Destiny convened the entire family to herald an ominous prophecy, the ghosts you thought banished suddenly returned, hitting you with unparalleled force. As Morpheus contended with remorse regarding his previous transgressions, you maintained a delicate balance between your pregnancy, a marriage inevitably challenged by a former flame, and spilled family blood. Your worst nightmare was brought to life, threatening your happiness and the future of your unborn daughter. Nevertheless, your love held the capacity to transcend seemingly immutable cosmic laws, unveiling enigmatic revelations about your true identity—against the absolute and unbreakable.
Transformation didn't require leaving the island; it only demanded reimagining it. Like an hourglass that doesn't end with its final grain, but merely awaits being turned to start the journey again. ⏳
This story is a direct sequel to Let Your Dreams Be Your Wings.
Credits: The moon dividers were made by firefly-graphics.
Tagging: @number-0-iz, @emarich7, @jaziona92, @bridkesby @gallantys, @lovelynyah, @misswings1864. If anyone wishes to be removed or added for future uptates, please let me know!
You can also read this on AO3 if you feel more comfortable!
Just when you thought Nada’s departure would restore some semblance of normalcy, more trouble arrived. Her shadow still lingered in your husband’s mind, and he set out once again with Delirium to search for their missing brother. Refusing to stay quiet, you took charge instead, only to be swallowed by a new hell; boxed in by flames and bodies inside a Philadelphia club.
Meanwhile, your dreams kept drawing you toward something strange and impossible to explain.
Author's note: Another long chapter. Usual Sandman drama/angst ahead, mysterious dreams, canon + original lore, etc. In the show, we see events unfolding way too fast, but in reality, I assume a few days pass between the club explosion and Wanda's funeral. I will take this additional time to build story parts. Chapter 6 is going to be particularly important and an actual crossroads.
Nada stayed rigid and wordless, offering no reply to your greeting, teeth clenched, a wet shine gathering in her eyes under the room’s soft glow. She held there, muscles tightening, and you answered the hush with an uneasy exhale.
"I’m sorry I arrived unannounced. I’m Y/N. It’s good to finally meet you."
"I know exactly who you are," she retorted, each word honed to an edge. "The Dream Lord’s wife."
"That… would be correct. Did the doctors give you everything you needed? I found you doing well."
"As well as anyone can be, after ten thousand years in Hell."
You nodded, chin dipping toward the floor. "Right. And after everything you endured, Azazel taking you was probably the last thing you expected. I’m glad you’re safe now."
Her following question struck like a blade, sharp with anger and resentment. "Are you?"
Your brows knitted, a tight furrow settling between them. "Of course. Why would I lie?"
"Because you are bound to a liar."
"Wh—
"Do you know what he did? Do you know your husband is the one who condemned me to Hell?"
You swallowed. "I am aware, yes."
"And yet you’re still here. With him."
"Yes."
"He cannot be trusted. Tell me you understand that."
You drew yourself taller, nails biting into your palms. "That isn’t true."
"Then pray he does not punish you the way he punished me the moment you defy what he expects of you."
You gave a short laugh and shook your head. "If anyone can’t stay put, it’s me. He’s had more than enough chances to send me to Hell, or punish me for being insolent."
"Then you were fortunate."
"Or perhaps he’s no longer the same being you met ten thousand years ago."
"You speak from hope. Kai'ckul isn’t human. He is Endless."
"It isn’t hope. It’s fact. And I know exactly what he is. I’m immortal too."
"This has nothing to do with immortality. I believed he loved me, and I paid dearly for offering him my heart. I pity you, being tangled up with his kind as well."
Nerves stung along your arms, your fingers sparking with light you forced down.
"Did he send you to me, even after I agreed to meet him?"
"No. I came of my own accord. As the queen of this realm, it is my duty to ensure our guests are receiving everything they may require."
"Let me ask you this: marrying him, bearing his child... that was also your choice?"
You bristled, affronted. "What are you trying to say? That he made me marry him? That this pregnancy was forced on me?"
"I wouldn’t put it past him. Not after what he did to me."
You pressed your lips together as heat rushed to your cheeks. "Didn’t I just imply I’m not under his control?"
"Kai’ckul doesn't stop. He takes. That is what the Endless do."
"We’re talking about the one who went looking for you in Hell, even with me and his unborn child here. He knew it was the right thing to do, and he followed through."
She stepped closer, an ancient pain sharpening across her features. "And he is the same being who left me to rot in my prison not long ago, when I begged him to free me."
Was there really anything you could say that would excuse your husband’s actions? Even if he had told you what he felt and what had compelled him then, if you had been in Nada’s position, how readily could you have forgiven someone you once loved, then grew to loathe after such a grievous betrayal?
"I’m not trying to minimize what he did to you. If that’s what you think of me, you’ve misunderstood me."
"Then tell me your intent, Lady Y/N. Because I do not believe you came here for me."
Did she take your visit as a ploy, a polite attempt by Morpheus' wife to soften her and coax her into forgiveness? Did she think you beneath trust simply because you belonged, by marriage, to the Endless and stood at the Dream Lord's side?
Truthfully, if you were pressed to explain why you’d decided to see her, you would struggle to name any solid reason beyond a stubborn instinct that tugged you toward the medical wing before you even felt in command of yourself.
"I have no ill intent, I promise you. Maybe I just wanted to come face-to-face with the reason my husband became involved with the Key to Hell, with Azazel, and with all those deities who demanded it for themselves in our home."
Nada barely flinched, blinking once.
"Or maybe it was curiosity. Meeting you feels like standing before an ancestor of humanity."
"I am not worthy of remembrance. My people are dead because of what I chose."
"You wanted to love and be loved over what might have been only a tale. The outcome was tragic, surely, but you were human, and you acted on human emotion."
The memories seemed to take their toll on her again, breath catching. "I told him I would pay for my selfishness, in this life and hereafter, even if it meant an eternity of suffering. I meant it. But when I refused him, when I opted for duty over the love that had already damned my people, he made my 'wish' come true by delivering me to Lucifer, and he left me with no way out, no freedom, no reprieve, and no mercy."
"And that, like I told him, was an awful thing to do. However, you’re holding on to who he was when you met him, so long ago, and to the version of him who could not bring himself to set you free the second time."
Still unyielding, she kept her hands locked behind her back, knotted so tightly they might have been trussed, and lifted her head a fraction.
"You don’t have to accept what happened, grant him your blessing, or move on. That would be impossible for anyone who has lived through what you did. I might be out of place for saying this, and maybe I have no right to it, either. But I wouldn’t be speaking to you now, wearing his wedding ring, and carrying his child if it weren’t also my choice. I’m here because I want to be here. I’m with him because I love who he has become."
She listened, attention darting to your eyes, dark lips easing into a thoughtful frown.
Then, the verdict. "I hear the sincerity in your words, but I don’t believe Kai’ckul has changed. Not in any way that matters."
"You haven’t spoken to him yet. The fact you’re standing here right now kind of proves he did, doesn’t it? Azazel took you so that he could use you as a means to retrieve the Key to Hell and rule over the realm of the dead. So much hung in the balance, yet the only thing Dream cared about was setting things right. For you."
"That is not enough to wipe away the pain he's caused me. I gave my love to someone who would have made me his queen, only to be torn from my world and everything I knew by the same hand that once reached for me."
As intensely as you adored your husband and could vouch for the distance he’d traveled, adding anything else in his defence would have felt unnecessary and, worse, profoundly disrespectful. Nada had endured something you could scarcely fathom from where you stood; not even a heartfelt apology from Morpheus could have mended a wound that deep.
You had meant to end the discussion, provide a final goodbye, and retire to your bedchamber for the night without taking up another moment of her time. But the next sentence froze you in place before you could move.
"If I were you, I would gather what’s mine, take my child, and go. Far from him. As far as the world allows."
Heat flared behind your lids, your irises hardening into fire stones.
"Before he decides to break what is left of your life, the way he broke mine—"
"Nada."
Startled, she retreated a pace, your stare igniting like incandescent stars.
You took a slow breath, closed your eyes to keep your power from flaring accidentally in a disproportionate reaction, and breathed out until the tightness slackened. "You’ve made it clear that if I ever defy him, he would punish me without hesitation. So, by that logic, leaving him and taking off with his child would be the most foolish thing I could do, wouldn’t it?"
She worried at the inside of her cheek, the contradiction dawning on her.
"I’m sorry for what happened to you. And while I can stand by him for who he is now, I know I could never justify what he did. That would be inexcusable of me."
Her lower lip quivered, yet no words came.
"Nevertheless, I will not let you decide my fate. Your story is not mine, and mine isn’t yours to write."
It might have seemed a little insensitive, but you could no longer stomach anyone dictating how you should behave around Dream or telling you which path to choose for your ‘own good’.
"I know where you’re coming from. Truly. I don’t fault you for it. But it has been ten thousand years, and what happened to you is not something he would do to me in cold blood."
"Have you stood beside him long enough to recognize what he is, once the mask slips?"
You planted your feet, your tone turning even firmer. "You see, I’ve had the privilege of meeting the gentler version of him, becoming his wife, and being loved in a way no mortal man could ever love me. I don’t consider myself better than you, because I’m not. I’m just… me. But fate brought me to him for a reason, and so far I can say, with absolute conviction, that there is no mask to drop."
She looked away, unconvinced.
"Oh, we had our ups and downs, all right. He cast me out of the Dreaming once, irritated that I’d overreached, and he severed our entanglement as a kind of protection when he feared his presence in my life would become my doom, the way it was for you. But then we learned. We grew together. We came to an understanding and found our balance. We are still standing, supporting one another, stronger than ever."
You brushed your thumb over the stack of rings on your hand, almost without thinking: one for the proposal, the other for a vow of eternal love.
"Naturally, I don’t expect you to understand it."
"No. I cannot. But… you are right. Your story is yours alone. I offer you my apologies, my lady."
You smiled. "I am not your lady. You were, and I dare say, you still are, likely one of the first rulers humankind has ever known. If anything, I should be the one to show you greater deference. And I’m doing a poor job of it."
One corner of her mouth flickered, then the sternness returned. "Kai’ckul was speaking the truth. Humans aren’t meant to be with the Endless, not without disaster taking place. But you are not human, are you?"
"I used to believe I was… things have changed. As for what I am exactly, I’m still trying to work it out."
She allowed the tension to drain away, tight muscles easing as her hands finally slid out from behind her back. Unbound, unrestrained.
"I cannot trust Kai’ckul again."
"No one expects you to forget. Not me, and certainly not him."
"Do you truly believe he loves you?"
"I have no doubts. I feel it in everything he does."
She nodded in acknowledgment, but without much approval. "Then I hope you will not come to regret it, the same way I did."
"I will never regret the life I'm building for myself, or for my child."
Finally, with a small inclination of your head, you gave her a courteous farewell.
"My husband awaits you, so I won’t keep you any longer. Please take care of yourself, Queen Nada. I wish you the very best."
As you spun on your heel and headed for the door, Nada remained still, watching you. She voiced no parting word, her stare burning into your back as you left, the lock snapping shut behind you.
You walked through the medical hall with a leaden heaviness lodging in your stomach, the conversation having amounted to nothing, leaving it as little more than a formal visit she could clearly have done without.
Lucienne didn’t move an inch, staying exactly where you’d asked, a soft smile lifting her lips as you came into view. "Is everything in order in there?"
"Sort of. I’m not sure what I expected, but… at least she’s doing okay, all things considered. I doubt my visit did much to please her."
The librarian moved closer, giving your back a reassuring pat. "You’re carrying a great deal at once, my lady. You truly should get some rest."
"Yes, I’ll do that now. Please keep an eye on things for me, won’t you?"
"Of course. Sleep well."
Your shoes clicked against the floor as you retraced your route, your altered green dress expanding around your legs. You climbed the stairs to the upper floor, where your room waited in muted quiet, and a strange hollowness took root in your chest, paired with an inexplicable foreboding of what lay ahead.
Taking off your clothes almost felt sacrilegious, like setting aside a work of art made for your body during this season of change, and hanging it back in the wardrobe to be set aside. You wanted to arrange all his gifts like treasures, to wear them and keep them close all at once, if only you had the chance to show them off without having to select one over another.
You went through your usual nighttime routine, thoughts dispersing elsewhere, back to Nada, prepared to confront her former lover with no desire to ever accept his apologies. Her stance was justified, without question. No matter how hard you tried to frame Morpheus as someone who had grown beyond his past, the unseen wounds she bore would cling to her spirit for a long time yet.
Sleep came quickly once the back of your head sank into the plush pillows, candlelight dimming as the amethyst glow overhead lowered a notch, while the nearby fireplace softened the stillness with the steady crackle of burning wood. No distinct images surfaced, your awareness unmoored in a dark haze, distant voices murmuring words you could scarcely understand.
You could not recall when, or how, you found yourself descending the staircase, the banister solid beneath your hand, each step soft and soundless as your bare soles met the carpet. You were entirely alert, with the palace’s hum subsiding into its usual backdrop, your mind sharp and steady, free of any haze or disorientation.
What betrayed your altered consciousness was the peculiar, never-before-seen bluish glow that cloaked your entire form, with faint trails of vaporous energy streaming from each movement like a dusting of magic. Your body had no real sense of weight; you walked normally, but gravity felt entirely different, as though you were not corporeal at all.
A faint, nearly imperceptible thread streamed from your back, like a tether holding you to another place. You dismissed it, proceeding through the main halls and unlit corridors, until the pull guiding you sharpened into something clear and immediate. You stopped by a wall, dark curtains hemming you in, a gentle draft stirring your hair.
The conversation you were tracking, now close enough to catch every syllable, turned into vivid sound with a slight echo. Morpheus and Nada, speaking in the dining hall while you listened from the other side, an unseen presence you couldn’t be sure he noticed, yet you knew he did. There was no way the Dream Lord would fail to detect you in his own domain. Asleep or awake, you wouldn’t go unnoticed.
Even so, Morpheus behaved as if nothing had changed. "Ten thousand years ago," he said, pausing. "I condemned you to Hell. I now think… I think I may have acted… dishonorably."
Silence.
"I think, perhaps, that I should apologize."
‘Perhaps’…?
"You think perhaps you should apologize?" Nada replied, voice taut with disappointment and hurt.
"I—"
"I spent ten thousand years in Hell," she continued, voice splintering, as though tears might spill at any moment. "I burned by day and froze by night. Glass shards cut my flesh. I starved and hurt."
You could sense the biting cold seep through you, your skin feeling like it would split and scorch, as if her torment had found its way into your form.
"And wept, and waited."
Morpheus’ inability to provide any justification left him hollowed out, guilt gnawing at him, fear locking him in place. Even without seeing him, you could still picture the set of his jaw, his attention fixed on the floor, and his hands held stiffly at his sides.
"All that because of you. And you think perhaps you should apologize?"
You ghosted through the curtains, candlelight flickering at the far end. The barrier between you and the dining hall—if not the Dreaming plane itself—appeared to be rooted, absolute, and unmoving. Impenetrable.
You caught the scrape of a chair against the floor. "Look at me." An order, flat with fury and finality.
Morpheus took a breath, but the quick footsteps that followed told you Nada was closing in.
"Look at me!"
A sound like a slap, a faint gasp, and the growing aura of a Dream Lord tipping into rage.
Your eyes widened, hand pressing against your mouth. ‘Oh no…’
His breathing sped up, the distant light quivered, then dulled. "You struck me." He was furious, shaking, poised to unleash whatever came next.
"Please don’t. Please don’t. Please don’t."
"No one may strike me. I should—"
"What? What will you do to me this time, Dream Lord? Or will you just send me back to Hell?"
Fortunately, the unsettling atmosphere faded as quickly as it had conjured itself, suggesting your husband had recovered a measure of sense and dignity, taking her blow as an outlet for the frustration she had carried for so long.
Still, for all the empathy you could muster under the circumstances that had brought things to this juncture, you couldn’t quite dismiss your devoted spouse’s instinct, the impulse to brush your fingers along his cheek and soothe the ache, be it bodily or emotional.
"No. I… I am sorry," he sighed. "I will live with eternal regret for what I did to you."
The rest of the exchange proceeded in broken exhales and Nada’s muffled sobs. You could feel their pain, the lingering traces of a love that ended too soon and in complete tragedy.
"To dwell on the past is a Hell on its own," Nada announced. "One I wouldn’t wish on anyone."
The filament at your back suddenly yanked, and your gossamer figure shivered into luminous mist.
"Then perhaps it is time we discuss your future," Morpheus concluded.
You pressed against the wall, angling your head to catch the rest of their exchange, but the thread eventually jerked you back, hauling you into the familiar blackness of transition. Traces of blue vapor floated behind, the sheen on your skin fading as you surfaced back in your bed. Your lids fluttered open on their own, your mind stranded between worlds in a suspended state, fatigue swelling like a stone weight pinning you in place.
You yawned, your thoughts wandering, hypnagogic whispers brushing the back of your wakefulness. You were exhausted, far too tired to move a muscle.
Then sleep took you again, warping and switching from one scene to another until your awareness adjusted once more. Your nightly journey had only just started, and you let it continue and run its course, placing no bounds or restrictions on it.
You crossed the Dreaming’s ever-changing terrain, figures and beasts gliding past, and far-off lives playing out as blurred impressions skirting at the edges of perception, half-seen, half-forgotten. You kept going without sparing them a moment’s notice, driven onward as a broad expanse of tall grass and moonflowers assembled in segments, as if lanterns were flaring to life one by one to illuminate the road. Towering trees bracketed the clearing, and the familiar nebulae and star-strewn canopy hung above. Leaves brushed your skin with a faint, playful tickle as your hands skimmed them, palm to leaf, like a passing salutation.
The deeper you explored, the moonflowers brightened, becoming pearly lamps scattered through the grass. Some blossoms curled near the ground, but unfurled as soon as you came close. Fireflies rose, spiraling around you in a merry little dance, as if honoring someone beloved. You smiled, taken with it, while the leaves parted and the greenery carved a clear way forward.
None of this was unaccustomed, the vision returning with small changes, the Dreaming shaping itself in a way that you would recognize and enjoy.
Further on, the trees drew in tight, the forest knitting itself into a pocket of space that felt markedly different, almost misplaced, as if it didn’t truly belong to the surrounding landscape. It was like walking into another place altogether, somehow fused to the field of flowers, yet wrong in a manner you couldn’t name.
You hesitated, letting your attention shift from side to side as you weighed whether to press on or abandon the idea entirely. In the end, the urge to uncover what lay beyond that stretch of land outweighed any uncertainty that tried to surface, and you moved onward, abandoning the field while the fireflies kept guiding you. They whispered and tittered, assuring you that nothing worrysome waited around the corner.
Your footfalls fell soft and soothing, and the woods stayed serene, bearing the clean perfume of leaves and bark. You expected to reach the gloomy cave at the trail’s end, but instead the trees opened onto a wide lake, with far-off stones and a pale shape emerging on the opposite shore. A temple, old as memory, and oddly alluring. Half-veiled by the mist.
As though spellbound, you tilted your head and listened. A singing thinned into the wind, indistinct, like a hum luring you closer. You went forward, hovering just over the water until your foot dipped beneath the surface, the chill curling around your ankles. You advanced, inch by inch, submerging deeper with every pace, your pulse quickening while the temple stayed stubbornly out of reach. Something rested protected there, something invaluable and consequential. You had no idea what it was, or what compelled you to look for it.
But just as the lagoon lapped at your waist, it wrenched you under in one violent pull, hauling you deeper and deeper, dropping you through the dark like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Despite being underwater, you continued to breathe, taking in your surroundings without fear as your hair and gown eddied around you. You couldn’t discern anything past the murky abyss, until something luminous swam into view from the direction of the temple.
You waited in stillness, your downward drift slowing. The sphere of light approached, morphing and stretching into something larger: the outline of a figure you had encountered in a previous dream, one that wore your features like a mirror—its face a radiant blur. It shared your hair, your build, and your choice of dress, each detail woven from golden energy.
It came to a stop in front of you, motionless as it floated in perfect sync with your form like a twin. Then it lifted a hand and cradled your cheek, heat spilling through your skin and seeping straight into your heart.
"Not yet, Y/N," it proclaimed, your own voice made strange, as though another one spoke underneath it. "The truth is almost here."
The lake turned to molten gold, and a searing radiance swallowed everything until you jolted awake, a soundless breath catching in your throat as nausea unfurled, knocking the air from your lungs like a punch.
You flung the covers aside and folded over yourself as morning sickness clenched hard in your gut and made you suppress a rush of bitter stomach acid, while an ugly feeling of chaos breaking loose quickly swelled behind your sternum.
It was no longer about clinging to hope, but about wondering what you should brace yourself to witness.
Freshened up and arranged as carefully as any queen was expected to be, you headed down the stairs, arriving on the lower floors like someone marching toward a sentence. Your smile was strained and fleeting as the palace staff offered their greetings in passing, with no one brave enough to ask, your focus already far away.
You surveyed the palace, from the vacant throne room and your husband’s private quarters to the adjoining chambers and secret corners. Your Dreamstone’s gleam intensified as you made for the entrance hall, honing and holding taut when his voice reached you, low and contained, bearing concern and disappointment, directed at someone else.
You eased behind a column, your back braced against the cold marble.
"Are you certain this is what you want?"
"A chance to see the mortal world," Nada confirmed. "To live again."
After ten thousand years away, with her homeland changed past anything she would identify as home, the human realm may pose another risk, perhaps as punishing as the trials she endured in Hell.
As though he’d caught your thoughts, Morpheus spoke in the same vein. "The mortal world is not as you remember it. Humanity itself—"
"Have I not just spent the last ten thousand years with humanity?"
That, in context, was a genuinely reasonable point, as Hell used to be plainly crowded with mortal souls who believed they deserved to burn, and with those who had committed unspeakable crimes and could not expect anything kinder.
"You should not go there alone," Morpheus stated. "Perhaps I should come with you."
And that was, without a doubt, the last thing you had hoped to hear.
"Kai’ckul."
"It is treacherous there."
Couldn’t he let her follow her own course without interfering? As hard as it could be, didn’t she merit the chance to explore with real freedom, without him keeping to her like a tether, afraid that releasing her in the mortal realm would lead to yet another mistake?
You poked your head out, careful not to be spotted, like the tiny spy you had somehow become. Nada had changed into a casual, better-suited dress, long and still meticulously true to her culture of origin.
She faced your husband with resignation. After all, there was nothing left for her to lose. "More so than Hell?"
As she turned toward the outer world and the sunlight she hadn’t seen in far too long, Morpheus could not restrain himself. Something still rode the air, unspoken, something he plainly needed to set straight.
"Perhaps… I ought not say this, after what I have done. But then… my feelings for you were sincere."
Regrettably, the Queen of the First People refused to listen, just as your own words had fallen on deaf ears.
"No, my Lord."
"It is so. I did love you."
"No," she insisted. "You did not."
She pivoted back, shaking her head.
"I know you believe that you did. But I wonder if you… if your kind is even capable of love."
You knocked the back of your head against the stone, jaw clenching as your lids squeezed shut. Your fists thudded against the marble in silence, blood seething like lava, ready to explode.
"How can you say that…?"
‘Please don’t believe it. Please don’t.’
"How could anyone who truly loved me… do what you’ve done to me?"
You hated it. From your perspective, there was no way you could resent her without, in effect, erasing the pain she’d endured because of that single, noxious choice your husband made.
"I have changed. My wife… she can attest to that."
"It is the same as the last time I refused you. I think you merely wanted what you could not have, and it is still so, for me and for her. Your wife is a trophy, one you are holding up to reassure yourself that I am mistaken about you."
‘What in the bleeding fuck—’
"That is not love. that is desire."
‘No… no no no no no."
"Desire…?"
"There is no shame in it," she replied gently.
The brief pause that followed felt cutting, a clear sign that her words were already taking root in his mind.
"…No. You cannot tell me what is in my heart. I loved you. I love my wife, and the child we have made together."
The small, uninterested nod, and her mouth tensing, confirmed she would not be swayed from considering it a complete falsehood.
"Your wife came to me. Lady Y/N is kind, and she loves you truly. She loves you more deeply than I ever believed possible. If you care for her and for the life she carries, then I suggest you let her go."
It hit you, all at once, that nothing you’d said had truly reached her—none of it. Not your assurances, not your devotion, not the fact that you were here by volition rather than by claim. The realization sat heavy in your chest as you understood what this exchange might carve into him in return: another wound he would accept without protest, another doubt he would nurse until it became something definitive.
"You may disregard my counsel, but in time you will hurt her, as you hurt me. And when the pain is enough, she will leave you, just the same."
To Nada, you were only an emblem, nothing more than a consequence of his desire. He wouldn’t be enraged or stirred to retaliation, but instead worn down in incremental ways, until even your comfort would begin to feel like something he had not earned.
"Fare you well, Kai’ckul."
The moment she crossed the threshold, washed in light and vanishing into it, you wanted to step out of your hiding spot and yell, follow her, and grab her by the shoulders, demanding an apology even though she was a victim to begin with. You struggled to rein in your fury, to set it aside and dismiss her words entirely, her self-righteous certainty doing absolutely nothing to assuage your rancor.
The gates shut behind her, plunging the hall into near-total darkness as the surrounding torches refused to catch, the fires at the foot of the stairs serving as the only source of illumination. Morpheus stood immobile at the center of the room, statue-still, like a shadow poised to sink into the thickening gloom, while thunder coalesced and a storm rolled in, turning the Dreaming’s bright day into driving rain.
And so you marched toward him, spine straight and shoulders squared, a clear furrow forming between your brows—an expression that was fast becoming your new default.
"None of what she said is true. You know that, don't you?"
Slowly, almost menacingly, he swiveled to face you. In his sockets, two pinpoints of glowing light burned. Still beautiful, in spite of everything.
There was absolutely nothing in him that could ever frighten you or drive you off.
"It’s not true," you repeated, steady and sure. "Please tell me you don’t believe any of that."
His rigidity slackened, the remaining lights kindling in sync as his stare returned to its usual look. Gratitude and a flicker of relief surfaced, only to vanish a heartbeat later as he assessed the moment, moving past you and away from the entrance hall.
"I must be alone for a time."
Your heart clenched, a hidden blade slicing through it as he left you there, the rain pattering against the windows. Your lower lip quivered, your breathing sped up, and your posture slumped in defeat.
You hadn’t seen him so dispirited since the day he found the Book of Paradoxes and forced himself to abandon you because of a false prophecy. Was it truly impossible for the two of you to protect your happiness? Was the universe pushing you to the brink, just to prove your love could endure any tempest?
Truthfully, you had borne enough, and whatever this higher power meant to forge, you were ready to tear into it with claws bared.
Half an hour later, you found your husband drenched beneath the downpour, folded over one of the balcony’s parapet with his head bowed. His coat had been discarded, his black shirt clung to him, partially translucent, while his hair lay plastered to his scalp.
"I don’t understand. What is this about?" Lucienne asked, careful not to broach a delicate subject.
"It was Nada," you replied simply, watching from a distance.
"Queen Nada? I thought she’d already left. What happened?"
"She told him some things. Justified, perhaps, given her case… but…"
"Oh dear."
"I don’t know what to do," you admitted. "Maybe you should speak with him."
She winced. "Me? If there is anyone he will listen to, it is you. More than he would listen to me."
You wanted nothing more than to go outside, loop your arms around his waist, and murmur sweet, loving murmurs against his back. The falling rain, the thunder, and the judgments so many carried toward Morpheus meant nothing to you. You knew who you had married. You had watched him change from the guarded, quick-tempered Lord of Dreams into the devoted husband who had opened his heart and his realm to you. You! A woman born mortal, remade by his love, doted upon in countless ways, and raised to a queenship you never imagined for yourself.
But now, watching him so shaken, so raw with hurt that he asked for solitude, even from his wife, you understood there was only so much that you, from your position, could do to make it all go away.
Morpheus couldn’t absorb what had been said with the right proportion, always taking it too personally and with more tragedy than it warranted.
You wanted to fight for him. You would have done it for the rest of your life, just as you promised on the night of your vows. But now… now you didn’t have the strength for it. Tomorrow, certainly. Maybe even in a few hours.
Right now, you only wanted to scream until your throat went raw. He wanted seclusion to work through what he was feeling, and you needed the same.
"Not this time, Luce. I... I think I’m the last person he wants to talk to."
"My lady…"
"Sorry. I can’t handle this."
You receded, ignoring Lucienne’s gentle insistence. The librarian called you once, then again, but eventually chose to give you the space you required. Both her sovereigns were burdened by their own complexes, and she was unfairly caught between them.
The corridor felt too narrow and the atmosphere too thick and suffocating, as if the whole palace had locked itself into a single, terrifying uncertainty: notwithstanding your solidified convictions, you weren’t enough to keep your husband together.
You closed your bedroom doors, rushed to the bed, grabbed a pillow, and shoved it to your face, stifling the frustrated shriek that finally tore from your gullet.
Nearly an hour passed before you chose to take control of the situation, heading back to the main floor after swapping your formal dress for your work clothes, with no intention of returning to your world until you’d had a proper conversation with your husband. You took a moment to reflect, and you decided that letting him spiral into self-reproach again over an idea born of someone else’s pain was not an option.
Your shoes struck the marble like a declaration, leaving no doubt you were present. However, as you passed the dining room, its curtains drawn, something felt odd and out of place at once. From within came a thin, unsteady sound, not quite a sob, more like the ragged breath of someone trying not to cry, threading out as you crossed the doorway. At first the room looked vacant, but the moment you rounded the table, you spotted a figure collapsed against the wall, one knee pulled up, surrounded by a strange bloom of fungi that seemed to have sprouted from nowhere. A chair had been shoved aside and overturned, as if the being there had lashed out in anger.
You blinked. "Delirium?"
She lifted her head in an instant, eyes wide and watery. "Oh, it’s you!"
Compared to her rockish getup at the family gathering, she now wore long trousers with a plain white coat, long and flared at the bottom, pooling around her on the floor. It still carried her trademark eccentricity, with mismatched flower patches stitched onto the right side of her chest, her left shoulder, and low near one of the side pockets.
"What are you doing here? Are you all right?"
"I came to see Dream," she explained. "I asked for his help, but… I don’t think he wants to help me."
You absently dragged your fingertips along the table. "What do you need help with? Is there anything I can do?"
She shrugged, a pout tugging at her mouth. "I just want to find our brother. He’s been gone for so long, and I… I just need to know he’s all right. And nobody wants to help me."
"You mean Destruction?."
"I miss him."
You smiled, crouching attentively in front of her, back straight. "I understand. He’s family after all."
"He is."
"Still, if your siblings don’t want to look for him, maybe they believe it’s the right thing to do, out of respect. Or perhaps… something else is going on."
"But what if he’s waiting for one of us to go looking? What if he’s all by himself?"
You instinctively tucked a strand of hair away from her face. "It was his decision to begin with. If this life away from his duties is making him uncomfortable, then I assume he would come back."
"I don’t know…"
"I’m sure he’s okay. Trust me when I say my instinct is never wrong."
She sighed, resolute in her conviction. "Nobody likes me. They all look at me like I’m a puzzle with pieces from different boxes, and he was the only one who ever knew where I fit."
"I do like you. I may not know you well yet, but I find you interesting."
"You do?" she said, like the words were little pebbles you could turn over and find something bright underneath.
"Absolutely."
"Little sister?"
A dark figure emerged from behind the billowing curtains, slinked in, and approached the two of you with the well-known, practiced silence of a cat. Morpheus looked at you with something close to reverence, though his attention turned to Delirium a second later.
"You came back," she breathed, awestruck.
"Yes."
"I didn’t think you would."
"I have spoken with Desire."
Desire…?
"Are they mad? What did they say?"
"That I should send you home immediately."
"Then I’ll ask our older sister to go with me," she persisted. "And if she says no, then I’ll ask Destiny, and if he says no, then I’ll go on my own."
Morpheus’ expression hinted that something was stirring under the surface. It was the same one he wore before offering that arrangement to Loki.
And you disliked it very much.
"It’s just that I… I often get distracted. And I get lost kind of easily. Sometimes I have very bad days where, you know, I just want to hide or scream or bleed or something."
He straightened, then came closer as you rose to your full height. "If you were to seek our brother, where would you begin looking?"
She smiled happily. "I suppose I’d start by… finding his old friends and asking them if they know. I’d ask them very nicely."
Even his lips formed a little grin. "Do you know any of his old friends?"
Oh, no. There was just no way he was about to leave again. Right?
Delirium stood enthusiastically. "I made a list! And I wrote down…" she hopped to him, taking out a folded piece of paper, "all the people our brother used to know that I’d ever met… that wouldn’t be dead yet."
When she handed him the list, he opened it at once and read the notes aloud. "A long-lived mortal, a god, and a figure of myth. I’m impressed."
"So… will you help me? Because I’m trying very hard not to get lost in the sideways bits."
You could already anticipate the inevitable answer.
"It would be unjust to let you go alone. Grant me a moment with my wife. I will join you."
Everything around you whirled like a vortex, your tongue clicking against your teeth, your blood seething as she cheerfully skipped toward the corridor.
"See you, new sister. It was all spinny-nice meeting you again!"
And just like that, every shred of fondness you had for the eccentric Endless vanished like smoke on the wind.
Your chest flared, an inferno roaring at full strength. "Sure."
The curtains rippled as she passed, and you attempted to collect yourself by gripping the back of the toppled chair and setting it upright, your fingers trembling while tiny sparks of light shot free, concealed under your palms.
Morpheus drew in behind you, hands sliding along your arms. "My love, I owe you an apology."
"You don't say."
"You were there for me, and I did not recognize it. I was… not myself."
"I noticed."
"I asked you for solitude and, in doing so, turned you away. That was unforgivable."
You wriggled free from his hold, wheeling to face him. "But you’re doing it again, aren’t you?"
"Doing what?"
"You’re leaving, casting me aside. And for what this time? To find your lost brother? Convenient, isn’t it, that this happens right after speaking to Desire?"
As your anger surged again at another decision he had made without consulting you, his Adam’s apple jumped. "Desire is not the cause of this."
You laughed, a devilish sound. "Like they weren’t the one who left you drowning in guilt over Nada, right? They have their hands in everything these days. Let’s not sugarcoat it. They could tell you not to do something while secretly hoping you would do exactly that, just to watch you suffer and become miserable."
His mouth snapped shut, unable to find another argument to defend his position.
"Morpheus, I understand you don’t want your sister going alone. But this is Destruction we’re talking about. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about it."
"You persist in repeating that."
"Then you should start listening, don’t you think? Why can’t you take this, or me, seriously enough?"
Your voice cracked, and the urge to cry rushed back as your mood swings slammed into you more brutally with each passing day.
Air lodged in his chest, and his hands braced hard at your waist. Grounding you, and himself. "I do take you seriously, my love."
"And still, you’re going to leave again."
"This journey is not so perilous as my descent into the underworld. It is only a brief search."
You lowered your forehead against his chest, rattled. "Are you sure about that?"
"I would not leave you for long, my sweet. I cannot bear the very thought of it."
"Are you only saying that to soften me, to win my approval?"
"I speak only what is. You may rely upon my word."
Was there truly anything else you could say that might persuade him to stay? In the end, it came down to your own self-interest and a dread that might be unfounded, balanced against the prospect of leaving Delirium to manage the search by herself. She might be Endless, but her scattered state meant she was more likely to create trouble than solve it.
You wished you could stand your ground, but whenever it came to pleasing your husband, you always found yourself yielding and going along with what he wanted.
"Will I see you when I return tonight?"
"I cannot promise Delirium’s list will be cleared before nightfall."
"How long is it going to take?"
"I cannot say."
You tapped your foot. "That is not the answer I was hoping for. How can you call it brief if you don’t even know how much time it will require?"
"I shall endeavor to see this concluded with all possible haste. And in truth, our brother wishes not to be found."
"Then what’s the point of trying at all? Are you really doing this only for Delirium?"
His fingers held at your waist, then loosened, as something flickered across his face. "For what other purpose would I do it?"
"Since when do you involve yourself in something that is certain to fail from the outset? It feels like there’s more you’re not saying."
His gaze went distant, his jaw flexing. "There is nothing more."
You grumbled, shaking your head as you rubbed your temples. Stunned, bewildered, and utterly frazzled.
"Fine. All right. Just make it quick, okay?"
"Yes."
His lips caressed your cheeks and the corner of your mouth, then planted a delicate kiss along your lips. Your arms fell loose at your sides, your head tipping back and your lids closing, before he detached from you with the softest pop.
"You are extraordinary, my queen. I ask much of you, and I will repay it. You have my word."
"Yeah, yeah. Just don’t push my patience too far."
"I will do no such thing."
You refused to look at him as he departed, your eyes snagged on the candle flames as they swayed together like a choreographed performance. You inhaled, stroked your belly with one hand, and pressed the other to your chest, praying you would not spend the next few days balanced on a razor’s brink, tipping like a faulty boat in a howling gale.
By then, the Dreaming’s storm had subsided, and the sky had returned to a deep, brilliant blue, as though no rain had ever fallen. You prepared yourself, ignited your dreamstone with a single command, then crossed the bridge from the realm of dreams into the mortal world, where your apartment waited on the other side.
"Lucienne," Morpheus called, arriving in the main hall with Delirium beside him, the librarian waiting at the center of the stairs. "My sister and I will be making a short journey together."
Confused, Lucienne followed. "Uh, you will?"
"We will," she said, buoyancy radiant in her voice.
"We will," he reiterated.
"Oh."
"Should any matters arise which require my attention, please feel free to contact me."
Growing even more perplexed, she asked, "Uh, contact you where, exactly?"
"The Waking World. Let Pharamond know we will be calling on him. I trust he still oversees transportation?"
"I’ve heard nothing to the contrary, but—"
"Good."
Lowering her voice, the librarian risked expressing her thoughts while Delirium wandered on ahead, taking in the surroundings. "My lord, do you really feel this is a wise course of action?"
"Lucienne, my brother had his reasons for leaving. He desires his privacy, and I respect his wishes."
"…Then why are you going?"
"Because… my sister seems to need it. And it has been a long time since I properly walked in the Waking World, save for the visits I have made at my wife’s side."
As the truth behind his motives became clear, Lucienne’s expression hardened. "You know who else recently left for the Waking World?"
"This has nothing to do with—"
"Queen Nada. So what’s the plan? To hope you just casually bump into her while not really looking for your brother, with your wife sick with worry over your constant absence?"
"It is not as simple as that."
"Then make it simple for me."
He considered it, recognizing the fierce loyalty she had grown toward you, and taking subtle pride in it.
"There remain matters between Nada and myself that have yet to be resolved."
"My lord, Queen Nada could not have been clearer: she wants nothing further from you. Are you truly going to pursue her after what she said? Again, when you are married, and your wife is carrying your child?"
"When she told me that I am incapable of love… perhaps she was correct."
Lucienne recoiled, grimacing. "You love your wife."
A faint strain showed at the corners of his eyes. "I also believe I do. Yet belief alone is insufficient."
"I have seen it for myself, and I cannot be mistaken."
"It is possible that Desire meddled with what I felt for Nada without my knowledge, though they insist otherwise."
"And now you have convinced yourself it is the same with Y/N?"
"Not necessarily. Yet… what if the love I feel has been tainted at its root?"
She sighed heavily. "Lady Y/N stands by you unfailingly. She knows that you feel for her as deeply as she feels for you. What else do you need?"
"That is precisely why I must be certain I will not destroy what she has so freely given me, as I did in the past."
"Why is searching for Nada relevant at all? I do not see the connection."
Delirium fidgeted by the gates, waiting, humming to herself.
"I have failed my son," he said—no ornament, no defense. "How am I to be a father to my daughter when I cannot reckon with my own wrongs?"
Then it fell into place. For Morpheus, Nada's forgiveness was not absolution meant to soothe a bruised ego, but an axis around which his selfhood turned. The difference between his old self and a new truth. He could rule a realm, command nightmares, shape worlds out of sleep, and still be undone by the simple question of whether his heart was his own and whether he had ever deserved the faith anyone placed in him.
"Nada owes me no forgiveness, nor do I seek her affection. Yet she knew me when I was at my worst. If even she cannot discern any change in me, then perhaps there is none."
Nada’s inability to recognize his transformation likely meant, to him, that it was only a narrative he had clung to for survival. It suggested that the harm he’d done was not a closed chapter, but something breathing beneath the surface of every vow he spoke and every tenderness he offered. What right did he have to ask to be trusted, to be loved, to be followed into a future he promised would be different?
It wasn’t redemption he wanted in the shallow sense. It was continuity: a world where his past could be acknowledged without poisoning his present, where he could be a husband and a father without fearing he would repeat himself, inevitably, as though the old brutality lay waiting behind his ribs.
"My lord, you should trust your wife. She is the one who refused to let you go, and she is also the one who stays, despite everything that has been happening. She does so because of her love for you."
"My wife has known me only since the final days of my captivity. She may have accepted all that I am, but she has not witnessed the real cruelty that I was once capable of. The image she holds of me… may be an illusion, fragile enough to wither with time."
Nada’s absolution was not comfort. It was closure. The final thread tied off, so the tapestry would not come undone in his hands.
"You sentenced her to Hell. She was speaking from pain, and from memories that hurt. What precisely do you hope to gain from this meeting?"
"Nothing. Only one last chance to speak plainly, where before I could not."
Lucienne conceded, since even her word as his long-standing librarian could not persuade him that Nada’s judgment had, predictably, been clouded by her experience.
"And how, exactly, do you plan to do this? The Waking World is vast. She could be anywhere."
"Perhaps, if it is ordained, fate will place her before me once more. And when it does, I will see this matter concluded."
"If you truly wish to see Nada one last time, why leave it to chance? Why not seek her out directly, or find her in her dreams?"
"That would be inappropriate."
"That would be inappropriate? It won’t seem like fate to Nada. It will seem like stalking," she whispered. "And when Delirium finds out that—"
"It will be a brief diversion. Nothing more."
Exasperated, Lucienne withdrew a step and huffed. "I do not believe she is likely to change her mind. And what comes after that? Does it end like it did when you found the Book of Paradoxes?"
"It will not come to that."
"I truly hope so, my lord. For your sake, and for your family’s. I thought you had learned from that, so why does it feel as though we have returned to the beginning?"
"You worry too much, Lucienne," he dismissed it, rejoining his sister as the doors opened, birds chirping outside.
"I can’t think why that would be. Can you?" she replied, voice edged with sarcasm.
As he departed and she urged him to come back soon, Lucienne noticed the scattered remnants of your portal wafting through the corridors amid glittering sand and dying magic.
After all that had occurred over the past few hours, and with so much set in motion anew, what could possibly go wrong this time?
Ella was away from the office again. There had been no prior warning, no message, no call.
As Oliver described how badly her symptoms were affecting her sleep, your unease increased; you were convinced there was some other explanation they were not prepared to give, his stance betraying a nervous restlessness, unable to stay still.
Ella’s messages had become short and oddly delayed, which was unusual for someone who normally kept her phone practically glued to her back pocket at all times. You tried to reach her again, and the breezy "I’m just tired, see you later" almost sounded as if your friend had been swapped out for a badly made duplicate.
Pressed by your own fears and reluctant to court even more trouble, you swallowed your suspicion and threw yourself into your tasks for half the day, steering the creative department with inventive ideas and perfect coordination. You worked like a drowning person clinging to routine, refusing to dwell on returning home to find your husband gone.
Back in your office, you dropped into your chair and let your attention flick from the computer screen to the pen you kept clicking, fretful and suddenly unproductive. You yawned, then opened your notebook and mapped out the next workday’s schedule. You added to-do checkboxes and ideas, then listed the calls you needed to make so your team would have the materials required to continue producing the first official prototypes for the new Autumn collection.
Your vision blurred and your pen stalled, fatigue dulling you from the inside out. You blinked hard and steadied your head with two fingers, elbow braced on the desk. As you kept writing, the words grew more and more illegible, and minutes later, your focus gave way and left you sagging against the wooden surface, the pen skittering off, your face squashed into your arm.
Sound flooded in from every direction, and the cars on the street smeared into wind and rolling ocean surf. The smell of tea leaves mingled with lunch leftovers, then changed into wet stone and sea salt, while the heavy, motionless air around you grew stronger and breezier.
When you opened your eyes, a round pond sprawled before you, with an imposing obelisk towering in the heart of the pool. While the world swam in hazy light, you examined its features, spotting a pale structure behind it that you did not register at first. Then your memory tided back in at full speed, calling up your attempt to reach it, though now the lake had shrunk into a scaled-down echo of the one you’d plunged into before. The place felt broad and spare, with the ocean not far away below, and marble statues stationed along the perimeter like sentries.
The pull toward the temple sent you forward without thinking, twigs snapping underfoot and foliage swishing around you. You sensed your movements were slightly misaligned, as if you were walking in slow motion, unable to resist the space’s invisible undertow. Each breath resounded around you, the monument becoming larger and closer until it presented itself to you the instant you arrived at its threshold.
Mist sheeted the front of the structure in thin, hesitant veils, fluctuating in lazy patterns as though the building itself were exhaling. Towering columns framed the façade, and a stairway led to an entrance with doors standing wide open. Even so, you could not make out what waited inside. The sunlight striking through the fog was too blinding to reveal anything past the round chamber at the rear, visible from the outside.
With misgiving, you climbed the first step, then picked your way up the flight and crept into the chamber, squinting as you adjusted to the soft ambient glow. Your mind was already straying toward the Waking World, your awareness wavering.
Bit by bit, the chamber cleared as the air thinned and the far exit resembled a luminous doorway, gauzy curtains blowing to and fro. The confusion persisted, potent and unrelenting, while a pedestal-like shape resolved into view, crowned by something dark.
It might have been misidentified as a sculpted head, if not for its unnervingly lifelike detail. The shape of its hair, ears lit with that faint, translucent undertone as the light bled through, and the small twitch it gave when you closed the distance.
It was mostly a shadowy outline, but it was unmistakably alive.
The head appeared seated, or posed in a way that mimicked sitting, yet too still to feel natural. You took another step, slow and careful, as though the chamber might punish suddenness. The glow remained gentle and even, but it seemed to recoil around the figure, refusing to settle on it properly.
The room felt smaller and smaller, the temple waiting to see what you would do. You tried to swallow, but your mouth had gone dry. The shadow stirred again, not dramatically, just enough that your pulse kicked hard, and you froze with one hand half-lifted, fingers splayed.
The movement might have been your imagination, your mind struggling to interpret a shape that refused to be understood.
The figure did not speak. Patient and silent, it waited for you to come close. A shiver ran from your collarbone to your wrist, a name rising to your tongue, yet somehow it dissolved before you could grasp it.
A knock sounded, loud enough to jar you from the dream-haze, but not enough to shatter the scene. Then came a second knock, and your lids flew open as the tight nerves in your neck tugged a little too hard, the room changing and reassembling as you fully woke.
Your office had supplanted the bleached-out temple, the head on its pedestal unraveling and evaporating as the afternoon sun made you shield your face and rub at your temples.
"Y/N? Are you in there? Can I come in?" Oliver called through the door.
Your voice was rough, your mind still groggy from sleep. "Yes."
He entered with care, concern plain on his face. "Are you all right? You look tired. You pushed yourself hard today, and I don’t want you to overdo it in your condition."
"Don’t worry, I’m fine. I must have dozed off for a moment."
He chuckled. "I guess feeling sleepy is one of the many parts of being pregnant. Ella’s been dealing with the same thing lately. So I wanted to tell you that, if you’d like, you can head home early."
You fished the forgotten pen from your desk and rolled it between your fingers, your attention trailing off to the clock on the wall. "Really? But it’s only four."
"It’s fine. You’ve done plenty. We can wrap up from here. The weekend starts tomorrow, so enjoy your time."
There was certainly so much to savor now that your husband had set off on yet another journey…
God, you were furious.
"Fine. Thank you, Oliver. I’ll see you on Monday."
"Sure."
He cleared his throat, scratched the side of his cheek, and let his attention wander, feet planted to the spot.
"Uh… is there something else?"
"Hm?"
"You're not going anywhere."
"Oh, sorry about that." He gave a jittery laugh. "I got lost in my own thoughts. So, uh… have a great weekend. Give my regards to Lord Morpheus."
As he reached for the handle, preparing to leave the office and head to his own quarters, you leaned back against the chair, voicing his name.
"Are you sure everything’s all right? You’re not keeping something from me, are you?"
"All’s good. Why do you ask?"
"Because you’ve been dropping hints since yesterday, and then you stop short. Please tell me there isn’t an issue with the baby."
He breathed out, nudging his glasses up his nose. "No, there isn’t. I didn’t mean to upset you with my attitude. I’m just on edge with everything that’s been happening lately. I’m not used to running this place without my wife… sometimes I think she would be a better CEO than I’ll ever be."
Still skeptical, but choosing to let it slide for now, you nodded in understanding. "I get why you feel out of place. You were practically forced to take over her role on top of yours. And you’re doing it quite well.."
He smiled, a little sheepish. "I hope you’re not just saying that to make me feel better."
"I swear, I’m telling the truth. Everyone enjoys working with you, Oliver, whatever task you take on."
"Then I’ll take that as encouragement."
"Good."
"I’m going. Please take care of yourself."
"I will."
He left the office, the door clicking behind him. Your fingers still shook, the pen striking the surface in an aggressive impulse, while the image of that head on the pedestal jumped back into your head. It felt as though it were right there with you in the center of the room, ominous and still.
You could see it move in your inner eye, hair stirring in a passing breeze.
What on earth was your subconscious trying to tell you now, parading mutilated body parts that moved with lives of their own?
Getting home early would have been a luxury, one you could not find comfort in. Morpheus’ absence was obvious in the hush that met you the instant you appeared in the hall, your feet dragging in a slow, heavy rhythm as you moved through the castle, greeting the staff and making a quick circuit to confirm he was not tucked away, occupied in some forgotten corner.
You groaned under your breath, planting your hands on your hips and taking a few slow inhales. The day stretched on, and the idea of sitting down to wait, with no clue what to expect, was already churning your stomach again.
To make things worse, someone approached with timid steps, fingers curled at their sides. "My lady."
As you turned, you found Nuala keeping a cautious distance, her hair tied back in a messy bun and her elegant attire swapped for a comfortable button-up shirt, rolled sleeves, and overalls. She looked far more natural, and much less polished than the first time you saw her at the gates.
Sadly, you couldn’t pretend it was a good time for her to come up to you. Truthfully, you had nearly forgotten she was part of your staff, and would have been content to keep pretending it.
"Hello, Nuala."
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"Yes, don’t worry about it. How are you finding your stay in the Dreaming?"
"Everyone is wonderful, Your Majesty."
"I’m glad to hear it. I imagine this realm is quite a change from Faerie, in both atmosphere and customs. If you need anything at all, please let me know."
As you started back toward your room, hardly acknowledging her, Nuala called after you a second time. Somewhere inside you, irritation kindled; you had no patience for conversation, especially with someone you still viewed as a possible danger.
"If you have a moment, I had hoped to speak with you."
With your mouth set, you did your best to hold back any poisonous remark. "Of course."
"I wished to express my gratitude for what you did when my brother left me here. No one has ever spoken in my defence before."
Oh.
"It was only common sense. He should have had the decency to warn you in advance."
"Unfortunately, it seems Queen Titania and the laws of Faerie matter more to Cluracan than I do."
"For the record, I don’t agree with your queen’s methods either. No monarch should treat a loyal subordinate that way."
Her gaze lowered to the floor. "I have long since grown accustomed to Queen Titania’s rules."
"If you ever feel like speaking your mind here, I can promise you this: you will be heard. Nobody will dismiss you or punish you for it. And for the record, I prefer your natural accent."
You noticed a flicker of hope bloom inside her, something she had always thought forbidden, yet now she had the freedom to speak for herself without her appearance or manner of speaking being mocked or hidden behind a glamorous trick.
"You know, in Faerie, I used to hear stories about the Queen of the Dreaming."
"Really?"
She nodded. "Those who attended your wedding returned with many tales to tell. Some spoke of the palace as though it were alive, attentive in every archway, keeping the memory of each footstep the way a forest keeps the memory of rain. But It seems the question everyone keeps coming back to is… how you made Lord Morpheus fall in love with you."
You folded your arms and raised an eyebrow. "Is it now?"
"Some spoke with admiration. You achieved what no one else ever could; you reached a being so old and distant, and made him regard you as if nothing else in existence could compare. They praised your politeness, your courage, and your compassion. They said you were as bright as golden light."
You caught yourself wondering whether Queen Titania—or perhaps even Nuala herself—belonged more to the envious crowd that viewed you with bitterness rather than esteem.
Noticing your pensive expression, Nuala grew apprehensive. "I apologize, my lady. Perhaps I should not have said that."
"No, it’s all right."
"I swear I meant no disrespect. I only hold you in the highest regard."
"Do you, though?"
She faltered, seeming to shrink where she stood. "I do, my lady. But I fear my presence may be an inconvenience to you. I would understand, if it were so."
Even as you recognized you might be judging her unfairly, suspicion and jealousy kept you from tempering your approach. "Can I ask you something? Bluntly?"
"You may ask whatever you wish," Nuala replied, voice quiet.
It was childish to even entertain the notion, the kind of petty insecurity no queen ought to indulge, especially with her place in this story. You nearly dismissed it, determined to carry yourself with more decorum toward someone who, until proven otherwise, had done nothing to pursue your husband. Your judgment of her might have been unfair from the beginning, but the longer you studied her, the stronger the need became to connect the dots.
The question came, arrogant and direct. "Do you have feelings for my husband?"
The silence that followed contained no outrage, and no insult. It felt more like an unexpected turn she had not been ready for at all.
"I… beg your pardon…?"
"It’s a straightforward question, Nuala. I ask that you answer it honestly."
A faint blush warmed her cheeks. "Lord Morpheus is... worthy of admiration."
"That is not an answer."
The long pause, filled with sound from every direction—the low, ambient thrum in the throne room and the clink of plates in the kitchen—could already be taken as the confirmation you feared was waiting for you.
"I always wished, even if only for a moment, to be properly introduced to him."
"And now you have met him. Haven’t you."
"I did, and I am grateful for it. But you misunderstand me, my lady, if you believe I would ever seek what belongs to another."
Could you truly trust her, when she watched him with the aching yearning of someone trapped in a love that would never be returned?
"If you’re going to be here for an unknown length of time, I need to know that we are on the same page, and that you won’t jeopardize what Morpheus and I are building together. I do not wish to accuse you based on my assumptions, but the way you react around him made me think there might be more than admiration. From your response, it seems I was right."
"Your wariness is entirely justified, Your Majesty. Please forgive me if I overstepped."
She didn’t exactly deny it, though she still retained a fair amount of propriety.
"I get it, you know," you said more gently. "To you and to many others, I’m just a human who arrived at the last minute. Someone who once had no power, and no claim to a crown that would ever earn his attention."
"Wait, I did not mean to—"
"But I am here now, and I love my husband with every fiber of my being, both physical and spiritual. I will not tolerate any attempt to undermine my marriage. I want that to be clear."
A flicker of sorrow touched her expression. Whether it came from your doubt of her intentions, or from realizing she could not go near your husband except when her palace duties required it, you could not say.
"My lady, if I may… do you know what Lord Morpheus speaks about most in your absence?"
"I’d say I don’t."
"You." A small smile touched her mouth. Not bitter, just spontaneous. "Only you. When you were not beside him yesterday, he grew concerned that you had not eaten enough. He hoped you were not pushing yourself too hard, and he worried your pregnancy symptoms might have been difficult for you."
Your legs trembled faintly, hands instinctively moving to your belly, vision blurring. You had never doubted that his thoughts would return to you throughout the day, but hearing it stated plainly, and knowing how steadfast and tender he truly was, only reinforced your belief that no one deserved your love more than he did.
"Those in Faerie who haven’t met you may not understand why Lord Morpheus chose you. Some see only that you were mortal, that you were not born to a throne. That you do not command armies or ancient magics."
Nuala’s eyes flicked momentarily toward the distant windows overlooking the Dreaming.
"I think they simply do not know the truth. You speak to him as though he is both a king and someone you love as an equal. Few manage one. Fewer still manage both. I have heard that you challenge him when he is wrong. You comfort him when he is wounded. You laugh with him when others would kneel. You take his hand without fear. That changes him. I have sensed it since I first walked over your threshold. The Dreaming itself feels different around you… it looks brighter."
You grinned, suddenly sentimental and, to your own annoyance, a bit silly.
"What exists between you and Lord Morpheus is sacred in its own right, and not mine to touch. Believe me, my lady, when I say I would never place myself between something so beautiful."
Nuala clearly knew how to talk her way out of a thorny situation with tact, and you admired her sharp mind and eloquence.
"I will not disrespect your hospitality by repaying it with betrayal."
"Well, I can see why you were sent as an envoy to discuss the Key to Hell. That was a really good answer."
Nuala pressed her lips together, masking a chuckle.
"Thank you, Nuala. I do believe you. So… I’m going to place my trust in you. Please make sure that trust is not broken."
"I will honor it, Your Majesty. You defended me even when you had every reason to doubt me. I will not forget it."
"I cannot abide injustice; my personal feelings were irrelevant."
She eased, relief loosening the tension in her muscles. "I appreciate your kindness, my lady. This is what sets you apart from Queen Titania… and why you are wholly worthy of Lord Morpheus."
Well, that was definitely the sort of praise you enjoyed listening to.
"I’m glad we talked, even if I’m blaming my hormones for this conversation."
"I am glad of it as well. Please, do not let me delay you any longer. I have already taken too much of your time, and you have only just returned.
"You haven’t taken anything. It was my choice to stay and listen. I don’t have much to do right now anyway."
"Then… would you like something to eat?"
You shook your head. "I had plenty of food during my lunch break. If I get any cravings later, I’ll let you know. Please don’t overwork yourself here. I don’t know how it was for you in Faerie, but you’re not our slave."
She bowed, a loose curtain of blond bangs veiling her face. "You and Lord Morpheus have taken me in. It is only my pleasure to be of service. I will be close by."
You watched her return to her post, gliding through the halls and corridors like someone who had served the Dreaming for a long time. Her life in Faerie must have been far harsher than you could ever put into words, operating under a monarch who put herself above all else, alongside a brother who discarded her without a second thought to satisfy his queen’s demands.
You dismissed it, however, dead set against letting even her burdens wear you down, since you were already teetering at the verge of what you could endure.
Feeling mentally consumed, you made it to your chamber and sat at your vanity without even changing out of your workwear. You looked at your reflection, your eyes glowing intermittently, your heart thumbling in your chest with excessive force. The more you dwelled on Morpheus’ and Delirium’s research, the louder that nagging inner voice grew, insisting that catastrophe, in whatever form it chose, was about to bear down.
The mirror did not flatter you the way it usually did. It showed a queen with mussed hair and tension drawn tight across every line of her face, a woman who could cross realms without thinking, but who could not endure an hour of waiting without feeling the floor might give out beneath her. Your pupils narrowed, then widened again, the light behind them unable to decide what it wanted to be. For a minute or so, the glow pooled at the edges of your irises like a ring of fire, only to leave them looking almost ordinary a moment later, until another flash pulsed through and your look brightened again.
You inhaled carefully, like someone trying to negotiate with their own body. Your hands fumbled over the scattered pins, the small glass bottles of perfume, the brush laid bristle-side down like a sleeping creature. You did not pick anything up, only dawdled to give yourself something to do.
Your fingers raked at the vanity’s surface, your vision glitching on its own. "Stop it," you exclaimed, stung by your own power.
You closed your eyes and pressed the heel of your palms to your brows. A pulse beat hard behind your eyelids, nausea and vexation mixing together.
"Don't break. Don't break. Don't break," you told yourself. "It's going to be okay. It has to be."
None of it felt real, ringing like a hollow reassurance while your intuition insisted on a far darker outcome.
Sprawled on your bed like a starfish, the quiet in your chamber felt too pristine, like the pause that arrives a heartbeat before chaos hits. It was the kind of silence that gave your thoughts room to multiply and swell while the Dreaming’s day rolled on, its low murmur seeping through the palace walls. The candles and hearth kept burning unless you commanded otherwise, the canopy crystals chimed their faint little notes, and beyond that came rivers and rustling leaves, nudged by a wind that felt unsettlingly off.
Were you truly prepared to stay put in the meantime? Could you really face tomorrow’s obligations without even knowing your husband’s whereabouts?
You pushed yourself upright, unwilling to lose another second, determined to wrest control back and pull the reins tight. Even if it meant hauling your husband back by the ear, you knew it was time to do something for your family’s well-being. You had waited long enough, and you could not stomach spending the rest of the night—or even another whole day, or longer—trapped in that wrecked state.
Morpheus would likely object, and Delirium might throw a fit, but you didn’t care. You curled your fingers around the Dreamstone and waited for it to ignite.
"Take me to him."
The amulet complied, and reality split as a new portal formed, spreading wider with each stride you made. It offered a sliver of the world beyond, human but unfamiliar, shimmering in and out like heat haze on glass.
Unfazed, you stepped across the boundary between the two realms, and as you moved forward, the portal sealed behind you. You stood alone in a nighttime alley, surrounded by damp stones, trash cans, and abandoned cigarettes. Uncertainty hit you all at once, making you shiver and second-guess whether you had rushed in without evaluating the risks, but you pushed the doubt aside the moment you remembered what was on the line.
With the Dreamstone still glowing, you tucked it between your fingers to keep it out of sight, asking it to lead you to Morpheus’ location, unsure why it guided you somewhere farther away, rather than straight to where he was supposed to be.
When you came out of the alley and found the main street, you thought of all the photos you’d seen of Philadelphia, never once having the chance to travel there. And now, you were in one of the places you had wanted to visit, too keyed up to even think about absorbing it all.
The crystal, acting like a compass, brought you to different streets and public spots, your legs following its glow, doubling back whenever its light faded away. At last, you came upon an outlying stretch that did not exactly promise safety or well-heeled company, with grimy sidewalks and scattered clusters aggregated in a way that could have passed for a drug deal. The energy in your palm spiked, pointing to the very last place you would ever expect someone like Morpheus to be. You paced up and down to confirm its direction, only to discover the Dreamstone was unmistakably urging you into a venue called Suffragette City, nothing less than a bona fide strip club.
Either your husband was hiding a kink you knew nothing about, or this had to involve one of the names on Delirium’s list.
Oddly, the street outside was deserted and quiet, with none of the usual bouncers posted at the front. Through the half-open door came an unfamiliar beat, almost ceremonial compared to the standard club tracks you’d expect in a place like this.
With foreboding prickling at your skin, you went in. One lone spotlight cut across the stage as soft blue LED lamps added to the atmosphere, leaving the rest swallowed by shadow. The bouncers stood rigid at the entrance, fixed on the shape dancing under the light. You moved past by them without a word or a glance in your direction, weaving around tables, confusion and disquiet crawling up your spine at the patrons seated all around—each of them unnaturally still, caught in place by an unseen force.
You surveyed the room. The men were all spellbound, slack-jawed, staring too hard. Even the waitresses were utterly entranced, frozen and unable to look away.
Your attention set to the woman on the stage: short dark hair, an intense stare hardened by bold eyeliner, and a white robe that emphasized her sculpted frame in the backlit shine. She turned in a slow, fluid arc, arms undulating with hypnotic gestures. She snared you like a hook snagging flesh before resuming, rotating again. Quicker, silver coils of power bursting from her body.
Indeed, it was mesmerizing, but you read it as nothing but a warning.
That was when you saw him, Morpheus, silhouetted not too far from where the goddess performed. Delirium was right next to him, also completely immobilized, a wad of cash slipping from her hand.
And yet, it did not affect you in any relevant way, nor did it influence your husband, who tracked the situation as you inched closer, turning his head to inspect the surroundings.
You called to him, his name heavy on your tongue, just as flames crept across the stage and gas hissed through the ceiling tubes. Smoke billowed out when they ruptured, the spreading damage striking your gut like an unseen blow. Before you could even make sense of it, the flames roared up into a whirling column around the woman, tracking her movements and forming a maelstrom that sent the scorch climbing.
In an instant, Morpheus spun around, terrified and urgent, and uttered a deep "Run!"
His voice snapped Delirium out of the spell, as the song’s chanting carried on, feeding the growing witchfire.
"Now!"
Too late. The club detonated in a searing wave of crimson, and Morpheus lunged for you, enveloping you in a tight, sheltering hold. You made a rough sound against his chest, pressing your face into the hollow of his throat, while the Dreamstone’s shield blossomed around you in its usual protective sphere.
Being in the same city but not quite in the right place suddenly clicked into coherence. The amulet had been steering you away, picking up on what was coming and attempting to keep you from getting hurt. Your stubbornness, however, had insisted on the opposite.
You had encountered a situation like this before, and you had no desire to end up at the heart of another inferno.
Glass burst apart, car alarms wailed outside, and people screamed as they were burned or struck by falling pieces. You stood there with no idea what to do, dazed and petrified, as Morpheus’ grip cinced hard, going iron-still. Even with your lids closed, you could still see the world turning orange, the strong stench of gas and smoke dulled by your husband’s nearness, yet still leaving your insides to roil.
After what felt like an eternity, the fire drew back, tongues of flame shrinking and scattering, timber still smoldering in scattered corners as the ash settled. Morpheus’ hands eased away from you, his breath brushing your forehead.
"My love… are you harmed?"
"No…"
You took in the room, every patron sprawled on the floor, dead, mottled with cuts and burns.
"Why are you here? You were meant to await my return."
"Was I?" you snapped. "Is that all I’m supposed to do these days? Wait for you? Worry about you?"
"I—"
"Look at the state of this godforsaken place. All these people. All this… destruction…"
You clapped a hand over your mouth, gagging. With pregnancy sharpening your olfactory sense, the reek of escaping fumes mingled with alcohol and seared wood, threaded through with blood and charred flesh.
And it was utterly, nauseatingly revolting.
‘Ugh, not again.’
"Y/N."
You spun on your heels, spotted an overturned table, and dropped behind it, using it to shield your wretchedness from him. Your knees struck the floor too hard, and your esophagus seared hot as the conflagration. You coughed and vomited onto the already stained tiles, making a rough grunt as pain and ire collided in your chest.
Morpheus’ hand soothed your back as he crouched behind you, careful not to intrude on your misery, but unwilling to leave you to endure the sickness alone. You didn’t protest, waiting for it to pass, then sucking in a thin breath once it was over.
"I need a tissue," you muttered, disgusted with yourself.
A soft whisper of motion followed as your husband’s fingers reached forward, tentative, presenting a spotless, neatly folded piece of cloth, impossibly soft, pinched between thumb and forefinger. A faint "thank you" vibrated in your chest, and when you dabbed at your lips, a bright, clean freshness passed through your mouth and nose, as if by magic, banishing the vile aftertaste in an instant. The scent carried lavender, vanilla, and moonflowers, a blend of familiar, dreamlike notes, threaded through with his own unmistakable fragrance.
Then it disintegrated, vanishing like a mirage, its purpose fulfilled. That was, without question, one of the finest perks of being married to a truly otherworldly being.
He pressed a kiss against the back of your head, then stood to better take stock of the disaster, as if searching for something you could not name. Then he stopped short, face tightening, as he found it, or rather, found her.
You cleared your throat and trailed after him, spotting a woman in a tailored green suit, her open jacket revealing a white shirt smeared with black debris, her stare vacant, her right lid pinched, and her curly dark hair caked with dirt. You had spotted her only for an second, close beside Delirium before the blast.
He lowered next to her body, one knee pulled up. Delirium came from behind a collapsed structure, devastated at the sight.
"Dream?"
"I am here."
Broken lights strobed, electrical cables fizzed. The moment she arrived and spotted the woman’s corpse, Delirium sucked in sharply. "Wanda… Oh."
"She’s dead," he announced.
"Just like Bernard Capax."
Morpheus straightened, brow furrowing. "Do you know what this means?"
Panic seized her. "What it means is… only one person left on my list is still alive."
"We need to stop looking for our brother," he corrected.
"But Dream—"
"And return to our realms."
You had so much to say, anger boiling at how he refused to heed you, only for your grim warning to prove true. But right before you could get a word out, someone else cut in.
"And you think that’s gonna make everything all right?"
Desire.
They arrived at an unhurried pace, their familiar malice delivered with an even, controlled calm. "Did you not just… destroy my house of worship?"
No. Not a chance.
"Of course you have to blame him for it. What else is new?" You countered.
"Ah, sister-in-law… sweet thing. You still don’t understand, do you?"
"It wasn’t us," Delirium blurted. "We would never."
Morpheus, "I suspect it was our brother."
Desire advanced. "No. No, he warned us not to go and look for him. And you ignored his warning."
They moved in on Delirium, scolding. "And mine."
The moment they noticed Wanda right in front of them, Desire gasped and dropped to the floor for a closer look, though you questioned how authentic their reaction really was.
Quietly, "Make no mistake, Dream… you did this."
"Or maybe it was you," you scoffed. "You spoke to him right before he decided to leave. That’s a pretty interesting coincidence."
"It wasn’t him. He was trying to help me," Delirium explaind.
Desire chuckled ruefully, standing. "No. No, Del, he wasn’t. He had no intention of ever finding our brother. Did you?"
Morpheus turned to his sister with visible reluctance and admitted the truth. "No."
Delirium, close to tears now, seemed completely crestfallen.
But Desire had more to add. "The only reason that he agreed to come with you… was just so he could look for Nada."
What…?
"Nada?"
They looped around Delirium, then glanced your way for their own amusement, while your face went pale and drawn.
"That’s who you’ve been looking for all this time?" Delirium questioned.
You turned to Morpheus, expecting him to refute it, to reply with a reasonable clarification, but he only opened his mouth and found no excuse to give.
No, it was impossible. You would not accept that as the true reason for his departure.
"Dream must think I’m very stupid," Delirium whined.
"Dream wasn’t thinking of you at all."
The way Desire composed themself, fingers interlaced, their black suit suggesting they were dressed for a funeral while still radiating that familiar haughtiness, irritated a nerve more acutely than when they provoked Morpheus at the family gathering.
At this point, Delirium stopped listening to reason. "You never liked me. I thought you liked me maybe near the end. I thought we would find him and make everything okay. I thought you cared about me, I thought…" she whimpered. "…you were my friend."
"My sister, we were never friends," Morpheus asserted, flicking a sidelong look at Desire, who watched it all like a spectator at a play. "We are family."
Delirium’s head bobbed repeatedly. "I understand now why Destruction left us. Told us not to follow him. So now I’m telling you! Stay away from me!"
She recoiled, and a glass wall around her began to splinter.
"Don’t follow me. Don’t summon me."
The cracks became larger, louder.
"Leave me alone. My realm is closed to both of you!"
The barrier shattered as she cried, heartbroken, then slipped through the newly opened passage and vanished from the Waking World, violet light flickering beyond it while dust and embers streamed through the ruined club. When the glassy membrane sealed itself and vanished from view, Morpheus looked stricken, fixed on some point ahead.
On the other hand, Desire’s expression was wholly unreadable. "You knew how fragile she was."
"Do not presume to lecture me," Morpheus rasped.
"The way that you would have lectured me if I murdered all of these people."
The only time you had ever heard Desire show even a trace of emotion—usually wrath—was when they confronted your husband. Their hostility was obvious, unending, and, in practical terms, extremely exhausting to witness.
"’We do not manipulate them, Desire. If anything they manipulate us’. Well, tell that to Bernie Capax. And Ishtar. And Wanda."
Their wrinkles suggested pain, even grief. Still, something about it felt like a carefully crafted show, executed with one aim: to seed guilt in your husband’s heart.
Your irises sparked again, but you could not be bothered to quell the fiery ring. "Since when do you actually care about human beings more than just playthings? Because you certainly aren’t impressing me with your acting."
"Acting?"
"It wouldn’t be the first time, would it? Shall I remind you, once again, how you pretended to be someone else just to approach me at that venue? Or how you tried to impersonate your brother at my expense? Say whatever you want, Desire. All you think about is your centuries-old vendetta against Dream. You don’t give a damn about humanity, Delirium, or anyone who isn’t Despair. Probably."
Their lips tightened at the corners, your jab clearly finding its mark. "Oh, you think you’re so special, don’t you? Just because you married my brother, and you’re carrying my niece, you believe you’ve earned a place in this family. Your little power is nothing. You are not one of us. And you mean very little to our Dream, if he’s out there chasing his ex while you wait in his castle like a good girl."
"Desire."
Morpheus’ voice erupted like thunder, but it was nothing beside the indignation rising inside you.
Your hands balled into fists, lightning skittering over your skin, from chest to face, to arms and fingertips. "Do you think I even want to be one of you? I never asked to be included. It was Destiny who requested my presence last time, for reasons I still don't know. Your family is not my family. Dream is."
They stiffled. "And yet, Dream so clearly does not feel the same for you."
Morpheus settled a hand at your hip. "Enough."
"Oh, it truly is, my dear brother. Because I am done with you."
They gave you their back, strolling away with their hands tucked into their pockets, swaying like the victor of a battle they claimed as their own.
And you could not stop the growl that rumbled up from your chest. "You are done? After all the shit you’ve pulled?"
"My love, it is not worth your ire—"
"You are nothing more than a sly snake. A manipulator!"
By then, Desire was already gone, and you were shouting at the empty space they’d just occupied, simmering with hate.
Suddenly, without you noticing, part of the ceiling gave way overhead, pipes and concrete dropping in a sudden rush, hurtling at you.
"Look out!"
Morpheus yanked you to the side as the slab smashed down and burst apart across the tiles, lengths of pipe crashing after it. Even with the Dreamstone already flickering, blue power pouring outward in pulsing streaks, Morpheus refused to leave you exposed and directly in harm’s way.
Two near misses undeniably counted as enough adrenaline for one day. Or a lifetime.
But you could not focus on whether you were safe; a single thought cut through as your hands slid along his sleeves.
"They were lying, weren’t they?"
"My love, we should—"
"This isn’t about Nada. It never was. It doesn’t make sense, does it?"
You searched his eyes, soft light blue clouded by the fire’s tones.
But when he did not deny it, his mouth pinched with guilt, your fingers fell away, and your chest squeezed and split, just like Delirium’s portal fracturing.
"So it’s true."
"This is not as you think it is.”
Farther down the street, the wail of alarms mounted into a deafening cacophony.
"We need to go."
"My love..."
"Come on. The last thing I want is to get hauled off for some serious crime I didn’t commit, in a city that isn’t even mine."
He complied with a nod, sand converging from around his shoes and winding around you both. The club dissolved into a falling curtain of grains, giving way to the Dreaming palace. You stayed where you were, arms wrapped around yourself as if bracing for impact, staring at the marble underfoot.
This time, you didn’t bolt. you didn’t scream until your lungs were empty. You stayed silent, regulating your breathing, and refused to let impulse take over.
"Do you know what Lord Morpheus speaks about most in your absence?"
"I’d say I don’t."
"You." A small smile touched her mouth. Not bitter, just spontaneous. "Only you. When you were not beside him yesterday, he grew concerned that you had not eaten enough. He hoped you were not pushing yourself too hard, and he worried your pregnancy symptoms might have been difficult for you."
"What exists between the two of you is not something I could ever take, nor would I wish to. Believe me, my lady, when I say I would never place myself between something so beautiful."
"Y/N," Morpheus resumed. "Please. Let me explain. I did not seek Nada for the reason you may believe."
Your answer came with firmness, with no vacillation audible. "I know."
"…You know?"
"I believe in you, Morpheus. You wouldn’t betray me like that."
He was stunned, wholly unprepared for such a calm, understanding response from you. "I—"
"But first, I need to understand exactly what happened in that club."
"I would spare you this burden, my love. You have witnessed death on a scale few endure."
You sighed, unable to let it go, even if it was something you should have had no part in. "You were supposed to accompany your sister on this search. Speak with the people on her list. Instead, I find you in a strip club in Philadelphia, facing some supernatural dancer who is holding everyone hostage under her spell. Then the whole place blows up like fireworks on New Year's Eve."
"The woman who danced before you was once known as Belili, an ancient Mesopotamian god. Of sex, and war."
"That, at least, explains the choice of establishment."
"She and my brother were once lovers. We believed she might know where he is."
"Let me guess. She had no idea."
"No."
You massaged your forehead. "So why did you say it was your brother’s doing? Just because actual destruction follows him around, no matter how distant he tries to be from his former duties?"
"I fear it is far worse than that."
"Worse how?"
"To ensure we would never look for him, he has surely prepared a failsafe. Something meant to rouse itself when the search began."
You looked at him, gaze empty, blinking a few times before laughter caught you in a fit that began small, then tipped into hysteria.
You felt unmoored, unable to wrap your head around how anyone could be capable of something so staggering.
"Hold on a second," you said, lifting your hands. "You’re telling me this was deliberate? That he set a deadly trap so that anyone he cared about would be killed the moment one of you went looking for him?"
"I cannot say with certainty, but… that is my conclusion."
You laughed again, disbelieving. "So your siblings have shamed you again and again for your mistakes, and then they turn around and do this?"
"He must have had reasons of his own."
"What could possibly justify a massacre? Those people are dead, Morpheus. And the woman your brother once loved? She burned alive. Just like that?"
Much as you tried to comprehend their dynamic, you could not truly grasp how they operated. None of them, except your husband.
"See, this is what sets you apart from your family. They’re all bound to their place in the universe. They do everything according to what they were created to do, no matter the consequences, simply because the law says so. But you? You’re the only one who tries to become something more than what you were created for."
"I surmise my brother left because he no longer wished to bear responsibility for the destruction of humankind. I did not heed him at the time."
"Oh, that worked out wonderfully," you pointed out, dripping with scorn. "Maybe they change to adapt, to bury what the universe demands they feel. You change because you choose to. Because you love."
He sulked. "Y/N, Desire was not wrong. When Capax died upon our arrival, I should have ended our search. Yet I consented to accompany my sister. Through my choice, he and Ishtar perished. And countless mortals with them."
You shook your head sharply. "There was no way you could have predicted your brother would set a trap like that."
"My love."
"What? Stop guilt-tripping yourself over everything that happens. You’re letting Desire win again."
"Desire speaks so because they cannot perceive the change in me."
"Right—"
"As Nada cannot."
"Nada," you said flatly, straightening your back. "Of course. Now I’d really like to understand why you used this journey with Delirium as an excuse to find your ex in the Waking World. I thought she was a closed chapter by now."
"She was not a closed chapter to me."
"And why is that?"
"Because she told me I am incapable of love."
The words came soft and measured, as if they could still cut.
"And it stuck with you, didn’t it? You actually believed what she said. Even after I told you not to. Even after I reassured you."
"It is something beyond that. I spoke of intentions. Of circumstance. Of reason. I sought to persuade her that my love for her was equal. None of it mattered."
"She endured ten thousand years in Hell. Of course it didn’t matter. So what’s the point?"
"If I had truly changed, I would not have repeated the same mistake. She had every right to leave me. What I did was unforgivable. That is what I owed her. Those words, and no more."
Your nails dug into your elbows. You kept your voice level, but something in you was splitting at the seams. "So you needed confirmation. You hoped she would finally recognize it and say, plainly, that you are not the same being you were when you condemned her. And if she still refused to see any change, you'd also believe it was all Desire at work, and that what we have now might not be as real as you thought it was. Am I right?"
"I… I feared your faith in me might be misplaced. For before I become a father once more… I must know whether I have, at last, learned the lesson I should have learned ten thousand years ago."
You grunted, flinging your hands up. "You could have talked to me. I was right here!"
"Yes, But after all the pain I have caused you, I could not—"
"Oh, for God's sake! Do you think I feel any better, knowing you meant to shoulder all of this alone?"
"Such was not my intent."
You rubbed between your eyes, tears pricking more and more as you forced yourself to stay upright. "If you want validation, if you need proof that none of this has anything to do with Desire, you chose the wrong person to seek it from. Nada knew who you were then, but she doesn’t know who you are now. I do."
For a moment, the palace seemed to respond to you, the candles kindling into something stronger, guttering, then roaring, their light growing more luminous and fierce.
"It is always like this. Someone says one thing, and you doubt everything. The Book of Paradoxes. Nada. Your siblings. How could you believe, even for a moment, that what we have is an illusion?"
"I did not doubt what exists between us, my love. But Desire has, on more than one occasion, seen fit to meddle in my affairs."
"So what? Do you think we met in that basement because Desire wanted me there? That my feelings for you are just a construction, and that one day I’ll realize I don’t love you anymore?"
"These days, I have done nothing but fail you. It is in my nature to disappoint those I care about, however much I strive to avoid it."
Frustrated, and still severely nauseated, you gave a tired, humorless chuckle. "You’re still sure of that, I see."
Was Nada’s assumption sufficient to have him backsliding into self-loathing and reproach?
You were so tired, dispirited by the same patterns repeating over and over.
"I can't do this anymore, Morpheus."
"Wait, no. I…."
"I’m sorry, but this needs to end."
His face blanched; wetness prickled at the corners, and deep shadows bruised the skin beneath them. "What did you say…?"
His chest heaved, lips parting, terror taking form on his face. Pained, he refused your gaze, his voice becoming smaller.
"I see."
Was what you said truly so preposterous? Was it really so hard for him to notice how exhausting it was to be brushed aside while he kept berating himself, walking straight into danger to correct his wrongs?
Yet, what he said next paralyzed you to the core.
"So this is it, then. You are leaving me at last."
Shock hit you all at once, your body locking up as your heart stuttered and the air seemed to stall for a beat.
"Leaving you? What are you talking about?"
"Is that not what you intended?"
Your mouth fell open. "God, no! That’s not what I meant at all!"
As his shoulders slackened, you recognized you had chosen the worst possible way to communicate, only deepening a wound that was already raw.
"But... you said you would end it..."
"You may disregard my counsel, but in time you will hurt her, as you hurt me. And when the pain is enough, she will leave you, just the same."
"Oh… Morpheus."
You looped your arms around his neck, fingers threading through his hair, pressing closer to contradict his assumption. His hands shot to your back, clinging tightly, afraid to let you go.
"My king. I’m not leaving you. What needs to end is this cycle of fear and suffering. I’m tired of watching you unravel while I stand there, powerless to help."
"You are not powerless. You aid me in ways known only to you."
"Then why do I feel as if I cannot reach you? You keep putting yourself in questionable situations, and my worry for you is eating me alive."
You unwound from him slowly, keeping your hands on his shoulders, the minimum distance necessary to look into his watery stare.
"My love. You are just like a dream, never fixed, always evolving. That’s why one poorly chosen sentence can tilt everything out of balance."
You cupped his face, your thumbs stroking along his cheekbones. A recurring gesture of tenderness he welcomed, every time, without holding anything back.
"You wanted closure with Nada. For yourself. You wanted to confirm you can be a good father, because you still cannot forgive yourself for what happened to Orpheus. You thought that if you couldn’t set this right, if you failed to convince her you have changed, you were bound to repeat the same errors again. With me, and with our daughter."
You nudged your nose to his in a small, affectionate bump.
"But you don’t need her for that. You have me. I promised I would stand by your side for all eternity. I gave up my mortality just to be with you. I waited for you, even when it felt like I’d lost you for good. I became your wife with confidence and pride, and I have never regretted a single choice I made for the two of us."
"You are not dissatisfied with our marriage?"
Your chest tightened like a band drawn too hard.
"Dissatisfied? I have no reason to be unhappy with what we have. Look at everything you give me. Every day here with you is like magic, and none of these little obstacles along the way are going to make me veer off course."
Finally, he smiled. Subtly, in that typical way that you had grown to adore.
"All right. Let’s assume, just for a second, that Desire played a part in all of this. As far as I’m concerned, they are right about one thing: love and desire are two sides of the same coin. That means they can absolutely coexist, and it wouldn’t really alter anything."
You pressed a warm, gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"It wouldn’t make my feelings for you, or yours for me, any less important. When I look at you, I see my future. I see my life. I see the other half of my soul, the one I have been searching for since the day I was born, and the father I want for our child."
"Do you not fear that Nada spoke the truth about me?"
"No. If Nada refuses to acknowledge your change, then let her believe whatever she wants. You set her free. You gave her the chance to build a new life as whoever she wants to be, and to go wherever she wants to go. This is your closure, Morpheus. This is proof that you are no longer trapped in the same mindset you had so long ago."
His smile widened, far less restrained, liberating. "You do not regret marrying me."
It was not a question, only a statement of truth.
"Not even in the slightest. I would marry you again and again, every day I have, if it meant I could show you how deeply I love you. If it takes the next ten thousand years to prove it to you, then that is what I will do."
Even if you had to offer your heart to him on a silver platter time and time again, you would do it, and more, without reluctance or annoyance. If he needed steady reassurance, you would lay every proof of your devotion before him until doubt had nowhere left to latch on.
His grin stayed cemented, securely sewn to his mouth, final acceptance settling in. "I have been foolish. Have I not?"
You tittered, low and warm. "Only a little. But even so, I still want you, exactly as you are."
Your hands traveled from his cheeks to his forearms, then down to his hands. Your fingers laced with his, raising them to your mouth so you could press a kiss to his solid knuckles.
"I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m never going to leave you. I promise."
"And I would never stop choosing you. Not under any circumstance," he intoned. "You are my sustenance."
"Good. Because you’re not getting rid of me."
Relief seeped in as you loosened your hold, rolling your neck from one side to the other.
"But if you don’t mind, I’d like to pick this up tomorrow. I really need to take a bath right now. I smell like I crawled out of a chimney."
"You do not." He answered naturally, his tone devoid of humor.
"Seriously? Look at my hair. It’s basically the texture of charcoal now from all the ash and dirt I absorbed in there. I plan to spend the next hour submerged in hot water with perfumed oils."
"A sensible decision. Allow yourself a moment of peace."
Even with smoke and soot on you, and exhaustion weighing on both body and spirit, Morpheus looked at his queen as though nothing in creation could rival her beauty. He brushed a kiss to your forehead, then tucked a grimy strand of hair aside with delicate fingertips.
"Take whatever time you require to tend to yourself. And rest, my love. You and our child must regain your strength."
A small beam of warmth broke through, and you tipped your head, letting your cheek settle against his touch.
"How do you feel now, truly?"
"Pregnancy is weird. A moment ago, I felt awful, but now I'm craving fries and chocolate cake."
He breathed out, amused, the corners of his mouth twitching. "I shall see to it that Taramis is informed."
Your expression brightened. "Oh! Then tell her I recommend the dark chocolate banana cake. The Greek yogurt adds protein, and the dark chocolate brings antioxidants."
He was taking clear delight in every second of it: every jittery movement you made, every small smile, every bright spark in your eyes.
A small cough worked its way out of you. "Is that a bit much?"
"No. Your enthusiasm is a pleasure to witness. There is no excess in joy freely given. "
"Aw, that’s good to know, because I might’ve gotten a little too excited at the thought of that cake. Could I have some of it, then?
"By all means. You may, if you wish. Provided it does not worsen your symptoms."
Having seen his former goddess wife carry his child, you suspected that human biology and food cravings might work differently than the way a Muse typically nourished herself.
"Please, do not let me detain you, my sweet. If you have need of me, I will come at once."
You let your head tip in assent, gave his wrist a reassuring squeeze, and, with reluctance, made yourself withdraw.
But before you could step away, he halted you, "Y/N, wait. One more matter."
"Yes?"
"When you witnessed Ishtar’s dance… did any part of you answer to it?"
Your lips pursed as you weighed it. "For a moment, it felt like she might get to me, but… no. I don’t think so. Does it mean anything?"
"Perhaps… I was only considering the possibility. Our child must have protected you from her influence."
Being human, or even partly so, you should have been entranced like everyone else, given that not even Delirium was spared the goddess’ magic. With Morpheus as the only one able to remain in control, it was not unreasonable to assume the child acted as a barrier between you and Ishtar’s thrall.
"I am sorry. I will keep you no longer."
"It’s all right. I'm going, then."
You went on your way, offering him a soft "I love you" before heading up to your room, and he returned the sentiment with another smile.
He considered that a new route to the upper floor might soon be necessary. The baby's increasing weight was already slowing your movements, albeit primarily out of prudence. Before long, the stairs would ask more of you than your body should give in your condition.
He did not budge until you were well beyond him, his perception tracking you through the palace, your chamber doors sending their echo down from the upper floor.
And now, at last, what lingered from Nada’s words was only a memory he was ready to wipe from his heart.
Final notes: In case you're wondering what is going on with Oliver's behavior, it will be explained most likely in the next chapter. Something is definitely going on there... 👀
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5 (currently reading)
Go to Chapter 6 (coming soon) ->