#seventeenweeklyarticle

Your second year at university. That is when you met Lee Jihoon – handsome, soft-spoken, full of smiles and hope. He had chosen the same minor subject as you. 

At first you thought he was just another guy you’d have a crush on – just a hopeless short-term fantasy until you’d find the perfect person. But you were proven wrong four weeks into knowing him.

“Woah, careful there,” he spoke as he gently pushed you back upright after you had stumbled in the café. Queues are dangerous, you knew that already, but suddenly they were also a blessing. 

The moment his fingers touched your skin, a jolt of electricity ran through you. He seemed to pay it no mind, only offering you a friendly smile before turning back to his girlfriend. 

When you looked at your mark, the cat was clawing as if to break out of your skin and run to him. When you glanced at his wrist, a similar doodle – a spotted cat – was just as excited to meet your mark.

That was when you knew – Lee Jihoon was your soulmate. 

But the smile he offered to her told you that you stood no chance. Even if the fates had meant for you to meet and fall in love, your heart seemed to be meant to break. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night – whether from heartbreak or from the joy of finally finding him, you weren’t sure.

Months passed of just watching him. You didn’t dare to make conversation, didn’t dare to even look at him for long. Your heart ached for him. 

It was unfair to break his heart for stupid revenge. It was unfair to do his heart any harm at all. He deserved better.

Jihoon’s heart that held so much love once, and now you wondered if he would ever be able to feel love again at all – you didn’t think you would. Even just watching his heart break from the sidelines had been too painful. 

“Have you considered talking to him for a change?” Seungcheol suggested when he caught you staring at Jihoon at lunch. You failed to feel any amusement at his words even as he laughed at you.

Instead, you offered him a mild glare. “You think he’d want to talk to anybody after what he went through?”

“I mean,” Seungcheol thought for a moment before grimacing, “yeah, you have a point there.”

“I always have a point, Cheol,” you told him proudly and continued eating your food. “Besides, he probably wouldn’t talk to one of her friends anyway.”

Her. Han Eunmi. The girl who claimed to be his soulmate and broke his heart into a thousand pieces before you could tell him the truth and save him.

She had been your first friend at university. Her bright eyes and sweet smile were always the first to greet you in lectures. She always saved you a seat, even to this day. But something in her changed when she met her soulmate – you could barely recognise her anymore. Your best friend was your best friend no more.

“You should just grow some balls and tell him,” Seungcheol told you once again. He was all too familiar with the distant vengeful glint in your eyes. 

You wanted to kick him. “Says the one that still keeps covering his mark because of his commitment issues?” 

Glancing down at the near-comical amount of chain bracelets and the raccoon doodle sniffing around under them on his wrist, he pouted at your words. “I just don’t love the thought of soulmates.”

“No,” you laughed, “you just don’t like the thought of possibly getting your heart broken.”

“Then what’s your excuse?” 

Back when you first met him, you had felt so hopeful, so excited for your future. Watching him from afar was one thing, standing side-to-side with him in the café line was different. You could practically feel the fluffy cat on your wrist tugging you closer to him, scratching and jumping every time you moved your arm. 

But then she had uttered those words and your world collapsed inwards: “This is my boyfriend.” Even now you feel a little nauseous thinking about the moment: the self-satisfied smile on her face, the love-sick smile on his, his arm around her waist. You couldn’t even replay the memory in your head without wanting to cry.

You glanced towards Jihoon.

“He already got his heart broken,” you mumbled to Seungcheol dejectedly. “I don’t want to add to his problems.”

“I feel like finding his real soulmate would be the opposite of a problem for that poor guy,” Seungcheol said – no, stated. He was certain of his words. 

You wished they were true. With a sigh, you whispered, “Just leave it, Cheol. There’s no point anymore. If I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t even believe in soulmates anymore.”

It was obvious by the look in his eyes that Seungcheol wanted to argue. But he knew you well enough to not push it anymore.

“For this project, I need you guys to pair up,” professor Byun started, sounding about as tired as you felt in this 8 am class. Maybe he, too, craved an early coffee that he’d failed to acquire in his hurry to get to class on time. The thought made him a little more tolerable in your eyes.

“Do you guys want to pair up on your own or should I just do it myself?” he asked the class, but his eyes were practically begging you to choose the first option. Unluckily for your introvert self, the class immediately called out to pair up among themselves. He breathed out in relief just as you sighed in defeat. 

“Alright, I’ll give you guys…” He glanced at his watch and nodded. “Ten minutes to pick a partner and a movie from this list. Remember to write your names next to the movie title in the shared document on so that others know it’s taken. I’ll go and get some coffee in the meantime.”

As you looked around the lecture room, you found yourself making a wish for the floor to swallow you whole. 

No one in your limited friend group had picked this film studies class – most of them citing the 8 am time slot as the reason –, so who were you supposed to partner up with? A stranger who more than likely wouldn’t do any of the work or – even better and your personal favourite – would drop out of the course in the coming week and leave you without as much as a note. 

“Hey,” you then heard his voice and you didn’t know whether you felt nauseous from fear or excitement. You turned your head to find Jihoon standing right there, hand on the chair next to you, a tired look on his face – the same look he’d been wearing since Eunmi crushed his heart in her hands with a giggle. He took a deep hesitant breath. “Do you want to– You don’t have to but I don’t know anyone else in this class… So, maybe, you and I–”

Though a little breathless that he was even talking to you, you straightened in your seat and nodded. “Sure, we can partner up.”

A polite smile appeared on his lips before he pulled out a chair and sat next to you. He glanced at the film list projected onto the room’s screen. “So… Do you have a particular film you want to pick for this?”

You shook your head. “I was hoping you did.”

He grimaced and chuckled. “Well, at least we’re on the same page about that.”

As if we’re soulmates or something. You almost uttered those words. You were glad you caught them before they slipped out.

“Let’s–”

“Should we–”

“Oh.” He laughed. “You go first.”

“No, you.”

“No, you–” He sighed before suggesting, “First free film on the list?”

You nodded immediately. That had been your thought as well, after all. 

“So, what film is it?” he wondered, leaning over to read your laptop screen. Your rational brain wanted to shove him away; your emotional brain wanted to pull him even closer. It was hard to get anything done in that condition. 

You pulled yourself together, ignoring the sweet scent of his cologne and the almost-there tickle of his hair against yours, and scrolled through the shared document. “Let’s see… The Pianist, 2002.”

Jihoon’s brows rose in surprise. “I do love pianos.”

“I doubt it has a lot to do with pianos,” you mumbled, but didn’t need any further confirmation to put your names down next to the title. Both of your names. Next to each other. Your heart stuttered at the sight.

“It has to have at least a little bit to do with pianos,” he insisted with furrowed brows. You laughed, earning a disbelieving wide-eyed look from him. “No? You’re doubting it?”

“Maybe.”

He shook his head in mock disappointment before relaxing in his chair again. “So, when do you want to work on this project? I’m free to meet on Mondays.”

It was your turn to look at him with wide eyes, lips parting in surprise. “You… want to meet? In person?”

He blinked. “Yes? Like normal people? Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, it’s just that–” You took a deep breath under his watchful eyes. “I figured that after what happened with Eunmi, you’d–”

“Dig myself a cave to die in? Stop socialising completely?” He sighed and looked away. “Look: as long as you don’t bring her around to our meetings, we’ll be fine. I just– I don’t even want to be in the same building as her.” His gaze was sharp when he looked at you again. “And I’m only tolerating you because of this class.”

Were words supposed to hurt like that?

“So, Monday, in the library?” he spoke again as if he hadn’t just thrown a metaphorical dagger into your heart. 

You nodded. “I’ll see you Monday.”

He didn’t speak another word to you in that entire class.

Seungcheol was quick to notice your mood being more dejected than usual at lunch. Affectionate by nature, his fingers reached across the picnic table to find yours and give them a little squeeze.

The gesture only made you want to cry more: why couldn’t he be your soulmate instead?

“Did something happen in class?” he asked, eyeing you cautiously. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing.” A complete lie and even he knew it.

He called out your name in a warning tone – like a father getting ready to reprimand his rebellious child. “What happened and what can we do to fix it?”

“I don’t think there’s any way to fix anything,” you mumbled and lifted your fork to your lips to take a bite of your lunch. There was no joy in the taste of your favourite meal on this day.

Seungcheol frowned. “Is this about Jihoon again? What happened this time?” 

“He wanted to pair up for a project,” you told him and his expression morphed into a bright smile – one that screamed “See! I told you he’d see the light!” – but his face promptly dropped into a scowl when you added on, “and then he told me that he only tolerated me because of our film studies class.”

“He said that?” he spoke lowly. 

“His exact words.” It wasn’t even like he actually intentionally broke your heart. It must have been the stupid soulmate bond acting up and making you more emotional about this than necessary. “I don’t know why I’m so sad about this.”

“He’s cruel. That’s why.” 

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though. He’s cruel and he’s dumb and he doesn’t deserve you.” He nodded his head in confirmation when you looked up at him again. 

You scoffed out a laugh. “Why do you think he’s dumb anyway? He does well in our classes.”

“He may be academically gifted but he had his soulmate under his goddamn nose this whole time and he didn’t even realise,” he practically whined. “If that’s not dumb, I’m the king of Korea.”

You contemplated for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just give up this fantasy of mine and find someone who actually likes me.”

“You– I–” His frown deepened almost comically. “That is not what I meant at all.”

“You just said–”

“Stop listening to what I say!”

You rolled your eyes. “Thank god you’re not my soulmate.”

“Okay, I’m not that bad.”

“You’re awful.”

“And yet you stick around.”

Your gaze drifted to where Jihoon was seated under a maple tree with his friends. “Maybe I just have bad taste.”

[I’ll be waiting at 3 in the library. Room A232. – Jihoon]

Seungcheol mumbled something under his breath as he accompanied you to the library. Before you could ask him about it, he turned to you. “Can’t you just tell him you’re his soulmate? What’s the worst that could happen?”

You stared at him. He quickly realised the error of his words.

“I just mean that maybe he’d like to know. Maybe he’d act a little warmer towards you if he did.”

“I don’t know what you’re expecting him to treat me like,” you said. “He knows me as Eunmi’s friend. As someone complicit in the worst lie of his life. He’s treating me very nice all things considered.”

“Well, he still should know,” he decided. “If you don’t tell him, I will.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever you say, big guy. I’ll see you in the journalism section in a few hours?”

He sighed. “As always. Wake me up when you’re ready to go.”

And just like that, he picked a direction and headed that way – to his lonely little napping spot between shelves of journalism guidebooks. It was a good thing he got along so well with the librarians.

Though you weren’t a stranger to this library, you still felt a little out of place this time. Maybe it was the nerves of meeting Jihoon again. You hadn’t seen him even once outside of the one film studies class you both took. 

Or perhaps you were just anxious about the fact that you had failed to watch the film due to reasons out of your control. Lee Jihoon was notorious for having a short fuse with his peers. You weren’t sure you could handle falling even further down his list.

The plaque on the door read A232. You double-checked it. Triple. Four times. Five–

Jihoon startled you by opening the door. “Are you going to come in or do you expect a formal invitation?”

“I… was just checking,” you mumbled and brushed past him into the little study room. You placed your things down opposite of the seat he had occupied. This was it – the end of your life. You hadn’t even said goodbye to Seungcheol. You sighed, closed your eyes in anticipation of the scolding that would follow, and confessed, “I didn’t watch the film. I’m sorry.”

You were ready for an onslaught of sharp words, the scolding of a lifetime, maybe even some screaming and him telling you that you were just as bad as Eunmi.

But it never came. 

He sat down and hummed. “Yeah, I didn’t have time to watch it either.”

Dumbfounded, you opened your eyes to stare at him. He felt your gaze on him and looked up from his screen with an awkward tight-lipped smile. “What?”

“I thought you’d yell at me,” you spoke faster than your filter could catch. 

He chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “I thought you were going to yell at me.”

“What now?” you thought out loud. You hadn’t prepared for this scenario, not even close.

Jihoon made faces – scrunching up his face and frowning between silly smiles and pursed lips – as he considered the options. “We could… watch it now?”

“Like, now?”

He nodded slowly. “I don’t have any plans for the next couple of hours. Do you?” You shook your head, too speechless to actually respond. “Then let’s watch it. I have a speaker somewhere in my bag– Hold on. I’ll get it.”

Your brain was severely lagging behind. You hadn’t even realised the implications of his words. Your jaw dropped. “You mean–? You want to watch it together? Here?”

“I mean,” he paused and looked at you, “I wouldn’t mind picking a different place. We could go to the courtyard. Or a café. Well, probably not a café but–”

“There’s a lounge room on the third floor,” you blurted out. “There are sofas and a vending machine.”

Jihoon brightened up at your words. “That sounds perfect. Let’s go?”

“Sure,” you breathed out, unable to believe this was happening at all. 

It took barely 5 minutes for the two of you to get to the lounge room. Jihoon was quick to occupy a three-person sofa in the corner of the room, right between the vending machine and the ceiling high window. With a victorious smile, he patted the spot next to him. 

You must have been too slow for his liking because tilted his head to the side, eyes still on you. “Did you want this spot instead? I’m okay with either. Just say the word.”

You said nothing and took the spot he had previously offered. The less you spoke, the less likely you were to piss him off – it was only logical. 

As you sat there and waited for him to set up his laptop and speaker, you glanced at your wrist. The fluffy cat on your skin was endlessly, tirelessly running towards him, looking back at you as if to convince you to reach for Jihoon. 

You looked to his wrist instead, wondering, perhaps hoping that you’d find a similar doodle trying to get to you. Even if it just glanced, just to confirm. But his soulmate mark was hidden, covered with a black wrist support.

He glanced back at you before lifting said wrist. “Are you looking at this?”

Cursing yourself for getting caught staring, you nodded and tried to act like your ears and cheeks weren’t burning. 

He shrugged. “My wrist hurts sometimes. Nothing to worry about.”

Deflecting. You knew him well enough to know that even if he was telling the truth, it was only half of one. He was lying to save his pride.

“My roommate has the same one,”  you said, deciding to go along with his narrative. “She says it doesn’t help a lot though.”

“It’s the cheapest one I could find,” he replied with a shrug before turning back to his laptop, searching for the film. “Do you live at the dorms?”

“Yep.” But he knew this already. He used to visit Eunmi there, right across the hall from you. You cleared your throat and willed the thought to go away. “That’s why I didn’t manage to watch the film. I was going to watch it over the weekend, but the dormitory wi-fi was the slowest it has ever been.”

He scoffed on your behalf. “That sounds awful. What did you do in the meantime then?”

“My roommate had to bring out the board games. So, Monopoly.”

He laughed and sat back on the sofa, leaning closer to you to hear more. “That almost sounds even worse. Any friendships ruined that night?”

“No, no, you don’t understand,” you laughed along, almost forgetting you were nervous to be around him in the first place, “we played Monopoly for two days straight. The same game. It just didn’t end. My roommate and her boyfriend are no longer on speaking terms.”

“Monopoly truly does ruin relationships.” He laughed harder, almost leaning against you entirely in the fit of giggles. “Did you win? Who won?”

“I came in third place.”

“Out of three?”

You nodded shamefully as he laughed even harder, this time fully resting his head on your shoulder. He quickly leaned away though, much to your disappointment, but his giggles never ceased. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

Despite the shared laughter at your study sessions and sitting together in class, Jihoon never acknowledged you outside of the lecture room. He barely even glanced your way when you passed him in the hallways; he definitely never returned any waves or even nods. You weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Seungcheol was left to gather the pieces of your confidence. Though he was vehement that there was no soulmate for him and he’d be happy being single his entire life, he refused to let you suffer the same fate. 

It was already getting painful to watch you mimic his habit: hiding the fluffy cat under a variety of bracelets and wristbands, covering it with long sleeves whenever the weather allowed. Your hope had turned into anxiety in front of his very eyes and he’d be damned if he let you continue down this path.

“If you don’t tell him, I will.” – he was going to stand by these words. Even when you practically begged him not to.

“He won’t like it,” you’d told him. 

“He’d be upset with the both of us,” you’d scolded him when he presented the idea again two weeks later.

“Why would he even believe you?” you’d scoffed.

He decided he’d make Jihoon believe him. So, after sending you off to class, he located your soulmate in the same lounge room you’d introduced to him. He was even resting on the same sofa.

Seungcheol stood in front of him and cleared his throat. 

Jihoon straightened up immediately at that, pulling his laptop screen down. “Can I help you with something?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“About…?” Jihoon scoffed when Seungcheol offered him no further context. “Listen, if this is about something (Y/n) said or did–”

“She never told you, did she?” he asked. “You still don’t know.”

His counterpart blinked. “Know what? What is this? Do you have no one else to play mind games with?”

“Jihoon,” he sighed, “she’s your soulmate.”

His words were met with a frown. “What nonsense are you speaking now? No, first you barge in here, and now you’re making up stories– Does she know you’re here?”

“She knows I made a promise. For her.” Seungcheol closed his eyes and spoke as calmly as he could, “She’s your soulmate. She’s the little spotted cat on your wrist. You’ve been breaking her heart this entire time and I’m sick of it.”

Jihoon’s frown deepened. His hand clenched into a fist in his lap as he spoke, “If she’s– Why didn’t she say anything?”

“That you’ll have to ask her yourself. I just came here to balance the scales – it seemed unfair that she suffer with the knowledge but you break her heart with every word.” Seungcheol sighed and opened his eyes again, gaze hardening. “What you do with this knowledge is up to you. But if you break her heart any further, I will break you.”

You were blissfully unaware of your best friend’s actions. In fact, you hadn’t seen him since lunch. You had been preoccupied with making the slides of your film studies presentation more, –well–, presentable.

The courtyard was a perfect spot for drawing inspiration for slide designs: the fresh air did wonders to your brain and the constant distant chatter of your fellow students served as white noise. You were on a roll. 

Who knows, you thought to yourself, maybe Jihoon will even grace you with his proud smile when you show him the presentation.

Suddenly, a strange feeling filled you. You habitually glanced down at your wrist – the cat was standing on his hind legs, as if trying to peek over a fence to see what was in front of you. Like he was expecting his owner back from a long trip.

“So it really is you,” you then heard his voice. 

Your head snapped up to look at Jihoon standing right in front of you, his eyes trained on his own wrist – miraculously uncovered this time, the usual black band crumpled in his other hand. 

Your voice and words betrayed you, they left you fighting in the battle field all alone. You gulped. Instead of acknowledging his words, as if doing so would make the situation disappear, you turned your laptop his way. Your voice wavered as you told him, “I made some changes to the slides. Thought it would look better if we made them prettier. What do you think?”

But Jihoon kept staring at his wrist as if you weren’t even there. How could he not stare at the spotted cat he’d spent all these years mindlessly glancing at, following, and talking to in the moonlight? The cat who had once stood for a broken dream now stood for a new hope. 

Finally, he tore his eyes from the cat – the mark of you – and looked at you instead. There was something so incredibly sorrowful about the look in his eyes, you could barely fight the urge to cry. He didn’t bother to do the same. 

A tear slipped down his cheek as he shakily breathed out. “You could’ve told me, (Y/n). Why wouldn’t you– Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid,” you confessed, avoiding his eyes. “I didn’t think you’d want to know. Not after what she did to you.”

He scoffed. “You watched her lie and break my heart and it never occurred to you to just… tell me? To just say you were the one? That I was looking the wrong way?”

You wanted the ground to take you away. It would’ve hurt less than this confrontation. All of these eyes curiously watching from a distance, the whole campus witnessing him breaking your heart – it was too much. Even if he was right to be mad. 

“Jihoon…”

“What were you so afraid of?” he wondered, frown deepening and voice raising by the word. “That I would reject you in favour of her? That she would stop being your friend because you foiled her plans? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but she’s clearly not a good friend so why are you still siding with her?!”

“I’m not!”

“It sure seems that way!”

You glared at him. “I stopped talking to Eunmi the minute she told me what she had done!” 

Jihoon expression softened at your words. So did yours. You sniffled. “I had already let her go too far because she was the only friend I had when I first came here. She was the only friend I had known. I didn’t want to lose both my best friend and my soulmate. I thought–” You took a deep breath and avoided his eyes. “I thought if I couldn’t have my soulmate, I’d at least have a loyal friend who wouldn’t let me feel lonely. I was mistaken.”

Running his fingers through his hair, he sighed. His arm dropped, his eyes following as if to make sure the spotted cat remained. 

“You should’ve told me,” he whispered once again before stepping closer, crouching to your level. He sighed once more. Then you felt warm fingers around your wrist. “Had you told me–”

“Just reject me and be done with it,” you begged. “Don’t make this even worse. I deserve my heart shattered, but at least make it quick.”

He frowned. “You didn’t even let me finish.”

“Then finish quicker. I still have a presentation to–”

“Had you told me,” he started again, more assertively this time, his hand holding yours tightly as if to anchor you to him, “I would’ve rejected her and run to you back then already. I would’ve believed you without any hesitation. But seeing as that didn’t happen,” he sighed and you braced yourself for a proper heartbreak, “I guess we’ll just have to make up for lost time.”

Your heart stopped beating. At least it felt like it did. Your eyes widened while searching his. Instead of a scowl or a frown or a glare, you found yourself on the receiving end of a fond smile. 

Your jaw dropped. “Are you serious?!”

“As serious as Seungcheol is about breaking me if I break your heart,” he promised with a soft laugh. His fingers still never left your hand, only sliding down to lock with yours.

You groaned and closed your eyes in despair. “...He’s the one that told you.”

“I’m glad he did,” he laughed, “because I don’t think you would’ve told me for a while, and I certainly wouldn’t have figured it out anytime soon.”

“We’re both dumb, aren’t we?” you mumbled, finally opening your eyes again once the embarrassment faded. 

“Complete idiots, the both of us.”

“Soulmates,” you joked.

“Soulmates,” he confirmed with a laugh.

You still wondered though. “Why aren’t you more mad at me?”

He shrugged and sat down next to you, shoulder to shoulder, on purpose this time. “I thought I was at first. But I don’t think you’re at fault for what Eunmi did to me. You were just trying your to be a good friend.” Seeing your sheepish smile, he nudged you playfully before whispering, “Plus, I’m not entirely sure I could take Seungcheol in a fight.”

You laughed. “I guess that’s one perk of being his friend.”

Jihoon smiled. “He seems like a great friend. I like him better than I liked Eunmi.”

“I do too.”

“What do you say we give this a proper try?” he suggested, holding out his hand for you to take, the doodle-like cat on his wrist full on display.

You smiled. When you lifted your hand to meet his, the fluffy cat rushed to meet his spotted one where your skin touched. Their noses pressed together happily, the cats nuzzling into each other’s necks after finally meeting each other after all this time of being so close but never close enough. 

“I’d like that,” you told him and he breathed out in relief. 

With the awkward distance out of the way, sitting beside him didn’t feel as nerve-wracking as it once had. It felt natural to be in his presence now. You wondered if you’d be drawn to him soon, just as your soulmate marks were drawn to each other.

“How did you find me here anyway?” you asked him after a moment of silence.

He shrugged. “I followed the cat. Figured that if Seungcheol was right, the mark would lead me right to you.” He gestured around. “It did.”

“Huh.” You pursed your lips in thought before giggling. “I guess I should’ve tried that when I was looking for you earlier.”

“Earlier? Today?” he wondered.

You remembered your laptop all of a sudden, pulling it closer to the two of you. “I made some changes to our presentation. I wanted to show you and then we could maybe work on it a little. Hold on.”

“Right now?” He seemed amused at the idea when you nodded. “Sure, we could do that. Or, – hear me out –, we could go on a little date to make up for lost time.”

But as tempting as that sounded… 

“The presentation is due tomorrow morning, Jihoon.”

He grimaced. “Brunch date tomorrow then?”

“... I could fit that into my schedule.”

you shut your laptop closed and groan, putting your head in your hands. this was never going to work.

you’ve spent the better part of your day off on websites like amazon, macy’s, even walmart, trying to find the perfect gift for seokmin.

despite being together almost seven months now, it’s the first time you’ll be spending christmas together. and… you have absolutely no idea what to get him.

first you thought about getting him some little gadget for his computer at work, maybe a new keyboard or a cute new mouse pad. but then you remembered how he told you in passing the other day how he couldn’t stand how his job had him hunched over his computer all day, and he was thinking about looking for a new one where he wouldn’t have to be on it so much.

then you thought you might get him a nice framed picture of the two of you, something small to keep in his apartment for when you’re not there. but when you came over last weekend, the first thing he did was show you the digital photo frame he found in his closet that his mom got him for his birthday that he’d forgotten about. he was stoked to “finally be able to put it to good use” and had programmed it with dozens of pictures of the two of you.

you’d tried google. you’d looked at every gift-giving website under the sun. you’d even asked your best friend what she was getting for her boyfriend for christmas to see if it might spark an idea. 

but everything you come across is either something he already has, something he doesn’t need, or something he could easily get on his own.

so… you were stuck. thoroughly and completely stuck.

meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, seokmin is currently on the other side of town, running through the mall in a panic, trying to figure out what to get you.

he knows he shouldn’t have waited until three days before christmas to get his holiday shopping done, but he’s been busy– there’s a huge promotion up at his job, and he’s doing everything he can to get it. not only would it mean less sitting at his desk all day and more moving around, it would also mean a big raise, so you can finally move in together like you both have been wanting to. now that would be a perfect christmas present if he gets the position, but he won’t find out if he has or not until the new year, so that rules that out. 

it’s your first christmas together, so he really wants to go all out. winter is his favorite season, and now he gets to spend it with his favorite person, so why wouldn’t he make it something extravagant? except… he can’t find anything to get you.

so here he is at the mall downtown, ducking into every store and searching for something, anything that might give him an idea of a gift you might like.

he doesn’t wanna buy you clothes, because that’s lame, and also because he doesn’t wanna get something that’s not guaranteed you’ll like. what if you think the fabric is too itchy, or you don’t like the pattern? returning or even exchanging his gift would mean a big failure.

he doesn’t wanna buy you the trinkets he found at that one gift shop, because even though they are cute, they’re not special enough to get for you. these are the type of things he’d pick up for you on his way home from work as an everyday treat, or at the very most, a stocking stuffer; you deserve more than some cheap little thing he found on a whim.

he thought about getting you a new purse, because you said you’ve been needing one since the strap on your current one broke, but he’s pretty sure you already bought yourself one when your boss gave you an amazon gift card as a thank-you for all the overtime you’ve been doing lately.

it seems like everything he thinks of to get you is a dumb idea. so now he’s stuck. thoroughly and completely stuck.

you sigh, pulling out your phone and scrolling through your gallery, praying that one of the photos is hiding some kind of sign that’ll tell you exactly what to buy him. but as expected, there’s no magic word or wish list or qr code that leads to the perfect gift.

you’re just about to give up and call him and just ask him what he wants, when an idea hits you. calling him would be admitting to him you can’t think of something special to give him, but calling his friends… now that, that might get you somewhere. they’ve known him for way longer than you have, they must have some idea of things he likes or might want.

you quickly dial the number of his friend minghao. you’ve only met him a few times at some get-togethers, but he seems like the most responsible out of his group, and the most likely to give you a helpful answer.

he picks up on the first ring, but the voice that answers… isn’t minghao?

“hello seokmin’s girlfriend! this is minghao’s phone, how can i help you!”

“junhui, i told you to stop touching my phone!” you hear a voice in the background that you guess is minghao.

“fi-ine,” the first voice—junhui?—grumbles, and you hear a shuffling noise as you assume the phone is being passed back to its owner.

minghao sighs. “hi. sorry about him. what’s up?”

you try not to laugh at the phone mix-up. “just, uh, have a question for you.”

“mhm?” he prods.

“has… seok mentioned anything he wants for christmas? or, like, is there anything you know he needs?” you ask, hoping it sounds nonchalant.

he hums. “mm, not really. are you trying to come up with a christmas gift for him?”

you whine. “yeah. but i’ve tried everything, i can’t think of a single good thing to give him.”

minghao pauses. “he’s really sentimental, but you probably already figured that out by now. the best i can suggest is something homemade, or something related to some kind of memory you have together. he’d like that.”

you freeze. “i… i think i’ve got an idea,” you say jumping up from your chair. “you’re the best, minghao, i owe you big time for this.”

“don’t worry about it. merry christmas.”

you hang up the phone and open your laptop again. this just might work.

you hadn’t planned on spending this much on seokmin’s present, but why not go all out? sure, you’ll have to cut back on your morning coffee for a couple weeks, but it’ll be worth it to see the look on his face on christmas morning.

at the same time, across town seokmin’s just walking out of the jewelry store, a shiny velvet box tucked into his jacket pocket. it’s a lot more than he wanted to pay for it, but it’s better than showing up empty-handed. besides, if that promotion comes through like he hopes, he’ll pay it off in no time. it might have cost a small fortune, but he just knows it’ll look so pretty on you. he can’t wait to see you wear it.

christmas eve finally rolls around and you’re standing outside the door to seokmin’s apartment, your arms full of bags for the weekend you’re spending with him.

his entire face lights up the second he opens the door, and he squeezes you in a tight hug before giving you a soft kiss. “hi baby,” he says, almost shyly. “merry christmas.”

he grabs the bags from you to carry them inside, and you give him another kiss. “merry christmas.”

he takes your things back to his room to set them down, then comes back out into the living room, wrapping his arms around you again. “i’m so glad you get to be here,” he says quietly.

“mm. me too.”

the room is quiet, besides the faint honking of cars outside. you snuggle up on the couch together, picking out a movie to watch, the dim lights casting a soft glow around the apartment.

“do you wanna open your present now?” he asks when the screen turns black and the credits slowly roll past.

“seok, you have to wait until christmas! we can’t open all our presents tonight!” you giggle, and he pouts.

“please?” he says, looking up at you with those big, pleading eyes you adore so much. 

“fine,” you concede. “but only one! or else we won’t have anything to open in the morning.”

he grins and gets down on the floor beside the couch, crawling over to the tree to grab a small wrapped box nestled into the bottom branches. he comes back over and sits at the base of the couch, putting one knee up as he hands you the box.

he grins up at you as you tear open the wrapping paper, revealing the soft velvet jewelry box.

you look down at him, and he nods eagerly, motioning for you to open it. you hesitate. it definitely looks expensive, way more than you would’ve wanted him to spend on you. but you did pay almost $300 renting the place for his gift, so you write it off as being even.

you delicately pry the box open with your fingernail, revealing a breathtaking ring absolutely covered in diamonds and intricate silver gilding. it gleams even in the low light, sitting in its little velvet box, staring up at you.

you gasp, throwing your hand over your mouth. “seokmin, what the fuck is this!?”

his smile instantly drops, the color draining from his cheeks. “do you not like it? i can probably still return it, i have the receipt–”

“no!” you shout, and he jumps, eyes wide. “no,” you repeat, calmer this time. “no, i love it. it’s gorgeous. i just– i thought we were doing… small presents first?” you stutter, still in shock at the beautiful piece of jewelry in your shaking hands.

he blushes. “i… wanted you to wear it now,” he murmurs.

you study him, and suddenly you realize he’s still down on the carpet on one knee. and everything finally clicks.

you scream as you jump up from the couch. “seokmin, you’re not proposing, are you?” you gasp.

“no?” he stammers, confused why you’d think he is, before realizing himself that he looks… well, he definitely looks like he’s proposing.

he hurriedly puts his knee down, sitting flat on the carpet. “i’m not! i’m not. this is just a really nice ring, i swear,” he rushes to explain. “at least, not yet,” he mumbles under his breath, but you don’t hear him. you’re still focused on the fact that there’s more diamonds in this ring than you can count on one hand.

you’re still standing in front of him, mouth hanging open, and he’s starting to get worried because you haven’t said a word in a few minutes. “do you want me to propose?” he asks hesitantly. because, screw it, he’s already got the nice ring; if you’re ready, then he’s ready, might as well—

“no! i mean, yes, i do, i really do, but not right now, i…” you trail off, not sure how to continue.

the room is silent, both of you staring at each other. after a minute he stands up, taking his seat back on the couch. “oh no,” he says, finally breaking the silence with a groan. “i ruined this, didn’t i?”

“no,” you sigh, having recovered enough from the shock to sit next to him again. “no, of course not. i’m just… surprised. i wasn’t expecting this. it must’ve cost a fortune.”

“it’s rude to ask someone the price of a gift, you know,” he says, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“trust me, i’m not asking,” you laugh. “i don’t even wanna know.”

“can… can i put it on you?” he asks, his voice getting soft again.

you look at him, and then at the glittering diamond ring in his hand, and you can’t not accept it. you nod, letting out a quiet “mhm” in agreement.

your eyes start to water as he slides it onto your finger, and he looks up worriedly when you sniffle. “it’s so pretty, oh my god,” you whisper, more to yourself than to him.

“please don’t cry,” he says softly, and he looks so upset that you have to reassure him you’re not mad and you just really, really like your gift. 

you admire how it looks on your finger for a second before you scoot closer to him and wrap your arms around him.

“i love it, baby,” you murmur. “you really didn’t have to do this.”

he hums. “but i wanted to. i wanted to show you how much i love you.”

tears well up in your eyes again, and you bury your face in his neck to hide them. “you already show me. every single day.”

he sighs, a happy sigh, relaxing into your arms. “i’m glad you like it.”

you stay like that for a while, gently rocking back and forth on the couch, peacefully enjoying everything. the scent of his cologne wafts around you, a comforting, familiar smell, and the colorful lights of the christmas tree shine softly in the background. you wouldn’t want to spend christmas anywhere else.

you pull away a little, breaking the silence with a short laugh. “mine’s gonna look so stupid compared to yours,” you pout as you snuggle into his side, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“are you gonna make me wait until tomorrow to open it?” he asks, rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

“no,” you sigh. “it’s probably after midnight by now, anyway.” you lift yourself out of his arms, going back into his room to get his present from one of your bags.

it’s a lightweight little box, and you hand it down to him. the gift itself isn’t big in size, but you know he likes taking the wrapping off, so you put it in a box and wrapped it for him.

he waits for you to come sit beside him again, and he opens it, carefully tearing the red and green paper with a grin on his face.

he opens the box, revealing a small piece of paper. he looks back at you. “baby? what’s this?”

your cheeks heat up as you begin to explain, suddenly feeling shy about your gift. “well, i… i rented out the movie theater we went to on our first date, and i thought it would be fun to, just… spend the day there, i don’t know.” you trail off, looking down at your hands, until seokmin takes them in his own.

when you look back up at him, his smile is so wide, it almost looks like it hurts. “i love it,” he beams, his voice breaking a little. “that’s so thoughtful, honey. i really love it.”

he leans forward to squeeze you in a hug, and you can’t help but smile, too.

“this is the best christmas ever,” he sighs into your neck, holding you tightly against him. “love you so much.”

he sits back, pulling you onto his lap facing him. “do you know where i got the ring from?” he asks suddenly, locking his hands behind your lower back.

you look at him. “um, kay? it says it on the box.”

he grins. “and?”

you frown in confusion. “and… what?”

the tips of his ears turn pink. “y’know, their slogan? ‘every kiss begins with kay’? from the commercials?”

you blink at him.

he groans, rolling his head back. “can i just kiss you now, please?”

you giggle, throwing your arms around his neck and rubbing your nose against his. “fine.”

and just as he’s about to, his pocket vibrates, and he pulls out his phone.

“my… boss?” he says, confused, showing you the screen.

you whine, resting your chin on his shoulder. “what does he want that can’t wait? it’s one in the morning on christmas eve– well, technically christmas morning, now.”

he looks at you with pleading eyes, and you sigh. “you can answer it. quickly, though, please?”

he presses a kiss to your cheek in thanks before sliding the button to accept the call, holding the phone up to his other ear. “hello?”

you can’t hear what’s being said on the other line, so you close your eyes, worn out from the night’s big surprises. you have a lot to do tomorrow—today—and you’ll need sleep if you want to spend the whole day with him like you want to.

seokmin sits up suddenly, startling you. you lean back, looking at him, wordlessly asking if something’s wrong. but he’s beaming, his smile so bright you’d think he’d just been told he won the lottery, and you crease your eyebrows in confusion.

he stays on the phone for another minute, listening intently. “thank you so much. merry christmas,” he says finally, then hangs up, tossing his phone to the other end of the couch.

“what? what is it?” you ask, still concerned despite his giddy expression.

he settles back, his hands sliding to your waist and holding you up on his lap. “i just got some news,” he says, and you know he’s being vague on purpose to draw out the suspense.

you pout. “well, are you gonna tell me, or not!”

he giggles, unable to hold it back any longer. “i got the promotion!” he yells.

your mouth falls open. “what promotion?” you ask, tentative.

“i didn’t wanna say anything unless i was sure, but there’s been a position available at the company, and they wanted to hire someone from within,” he says excitedly. “it wasn’t guaranteed that i’d get it, but i did! i got the promotion!”

“aw, seok! i’m so proud of you, baby,” you smile, leaning down to kiss him.

he pulls away after a second, and you look at him expectantly. “i have more news,” he says with a grin.

“and?”

“and… it comes with a big raise, so we’ll finally be able to afford a place together,” he beams, rubbing his hands up and down your back.

you bite your bottom lip to stop it from trembling, and feel your eyes well up with tears, spilling down your cheeks.

he calls your name softly, and you look up at him. “are you… what do you think?” he asks, his big eyes searching your watery ones.

“i– i’m just so happy,” you stammer, leaning down to hug him again. “i love you so much. this is more than i could’ve ever asked for.” you bury your face in his neck, letting your tears of joy fall onto his sweater.

“merry christmas, honey.”

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So he needs the cold, needs it to numb everything except the machine that he thinks has always dwelled within him.

("Never forget who you really are, Wonwoo-ssi — what you've been made into.")

"Wonwoo?"

("It's the only way you'll survive.")

"Where'd you go?" Your call comes from just outside the entrance to the alley, cutting softly through the otherwise quiet of the night.

That thing in his chest gives an obstinate thump, but he ignores it. He is numb.

"In here, y/n," he replies, just loud enough to be heard from the street. He takes in a deep breath, the winter air a painful comfort as it crystallizes inside his lungs.

"Baby?" Your voice is closer now, and Wonwoo tilts his head to see you peering down into the alley. He meets your eyes, your brows furrowing in concern, and you quickly make your way toward where he continues to lean against the wall. "What're you doing out here in the cold? Are you okay?"

He is numb. He is numb. He is numb.

He tells himself this over and over again, wills it to be true as you stop in front of him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry," he murmurs, "I'm fine. Just needed to get some air."

Before this moment, the lies had always fallen so easily out of his mouth, like sand between his fingers. (Were they ever really lies?) But this one weighs heavy on his tongue.

"That's usually my line," you quip, a half-smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

You move your hand from his shoulder to his jaw, gently stroking the cool skin of his cheek with your thumb. Your other hand comes to rest on Wonwoo's waist, the touch just as gentle even through his thick winter coat. "We can stay out here for a bit, hmm? Until you're ready to go back inside."

You close what little distance is left between the two of you and press your forehead into his neck. "Or if it's still too much," you mumble into his collarbone, soft and warm, "we can go home. Whatever you need, baby."

I am numb.

He whispers, "Okay, love."

I am numb. I am numb. I am numb.

Three deep, slow breaths later, and he believes it enough to do what he was always meant to do.

It's quick, the way he pulls out the knife and shoves it between your third and fourth ribs in one swift motion.

It's so quick, in fact, that you don't even scream, just choke on a strangled breath as your body jerks in Wonwoo's hold. He twists the blade — "like a key in a lock, Wonwoo-ssi" — and yanks it out, letting it fall from his gloved grasp to the dirty concrete below.

You choke again, hands sloppily trying to find purchase on Wonwoo's chest as your legs rapidly lose their ability to support your weight, but you don't let go.

I'm numb.

And neither does Wonwoo. He can't.

You had always been the target. Always. He knew this. He knows this.

I'm numb I'm numb I'm numb I'm numb—

So why does Wonwoo feel like he's the one who's dying?

"W-won—," you cough, the blood that's filling up your lungs spilling messily past your lips.

"Shhhh," he croons into your hair, carefully lowering you both to the ground when your legs fold completely beneath you. "I'm sorry, love, I'm sorry. God, I'm so, so sorry."

He pulls you tighter to him, the blood rapidly soaking the both of you. Your movements start to slow, and your wet, shallow breathing turns into stuttering gurgles.

"I wish things could have been different," Wonwoo whispers into your ear. "I'm so sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Back and forth, back and forth, he rocks you — whispering his love and apologies over and over until your chest goes still in his arms.

And then he screams.

("Make it believable, Wonwoo-ssi. No one can ever see anything other than a grieving husband.")

He screams, and he weeps, and he begs, because somewhere along the line, it had stopped being a part to play. Loving you had never been an act, and the agonizing sorrow he feels ripping through his body will never be anything but scathingly, disgustingly, unfathomably real.

He'd never wanted it — that stupid, stupid, terrible, horrible thing called a heart. But you had given yours over so freely, so wonderfully, so wholly, that he had been helpless but to hand his over in return.

‘I hope that you slept well! Once you wake up and have breakfast go ahead and meet me outside. I’ll be sitting on the patio by the backdoor.”

You were confused for a moment, though you quickly recognized the handwriting that belonged to Joshua. It was then that you remembered you had fallen asleep in the car with Jihoon and so you hadn’t known which two members you were supposed to spend the day with. They probably drew the names while you were asleep and just planned on having you find out when you woke up. The thought made you a bit nervous as you realized this meant you had no idea who you would spend the second part of the day with, but at least you could relax knowing Joshua was first. He was one of the members who had welcomed you eagerly and treated you like family from the moment you arrived, so needless to say you were excited to have some one-on-one time with him. With a gentle smile you set the note back down on the nightstand and quickly slid out of bed so you could get ready. You had no idea when he left that note for you but you did know that it was getting late and you didn’t want to keep him waiting for much longer. 

You made your way to the window and glanced outside briefly to check the weather. It had been pretty sunny for a majority of the week but it never hurt to double check just in case. Seeing that it was, indeed, bright outside, you decided to go similar to your outfit from the previous day with shorts and a simple t-shirt that had a tiger printed on it. Jeonghan had been the one to buy said shirt for you, gushing about how fitting it was and how cute you would look in it despite the argument that it was probably overkill. You didn’t really care too much about the design though since it was comfortable and it was a bit funny to wear a tiger shirt as a tiger so why not? Also you still had no idea what you and Joshua would be doing, or what you would be doing with the second member so you figured dressing in something you could move around in comfortably would be your best bet. You quickly finished getting ready and made your way down to the kitchen, passing Wonwoo and Seungcheol who were busy arguing over some video game they were playing. You only glanced at them momentarily before sneaking into the kitchen where you happened to run into Soonyoung and Jihoon. The mess of dishes in the sink and the way the boys were dressed told you that everyone had probably eaten already and they were likely getting ready to go somewhere. Judging by the laptop bag that was hanging over the shorter male's shoulder, you could guess that they were probably about to head to the studio. It was Soonyoung who noticed your presence first, looking up and smiling widely when he saw you. 

“There she is, nice to see you finally woke up,” he teased. Jihoon turned around and smiled softly at you, motioning for you to walk over to them which you happily did. 

“I was almost worried I bored you to death last night, you passed out so quickly,” he teased. You giggled softly and shook your head. 

“You didn’t bore me at all, I was just really tired from all the running around I guess.” Both males chuckled softly and nodded at your confession. 

“Yeah Mingyu will do that to you,” Jihoon mumbled, “I swear that man might be a puppy in a human's body with how much energy he has.” You giggled a bit at the comparison, unable to stop yourself from imagining what kind of puppy hybrid Mingyu would be had he been born as one. Though your thoughts were quickly cut off by Soonyoung placing a hand on your shoulder, bringing your attention back to the present conversation. 

“Today should be a lot easier on you though,” he assured, “I’m pretty sure Shua just plans to hang out around the house so you don’t have to worry about doing too much. In fact I’m pretty sure he’s waiting for you outside.”

“Yeah I know,” you replied, “his note said to grab myself breakfast and then meet him on the back patio.” 

“I don’t know how hungry you are but there is a plate left for you in the fridge if you want it, or we have a few snacks that you’re welcome to help yourself too if you’re not that hungry,” Jihoon explained. 

“I’ll probably just grab something light for right now,” you said after a moment of thought, “I don’t want to keep him waiting for much longer.” You heard Jihoon laugh at this while Soonyoung pouted a bit. 

“We probably shouldn’t be distracting you then,” Jihoon mused with another laugh, “and we were supposed to be headed to the studio anyways so I think we should get going.” He directed the end of that statement towards the man who was still holding on to you a bit. Soonyoung mumbled something you couldn’t quite register but nodded, taking a moment to pat your head before making his way to the entrance with Jihoon. 

“See you tonight Y/N! Try not to have too much fun with them, okay?” Soonyoung called back over his shoulder.  

“I won’t!” you assured with a small laugh before turning your attention to the cabinets in hopes of finding a snack. There was a moment of silence before you realized something, quickly running out to catch the guys before they left, “Oh wait! Before you guys leave, can someone tell me who I am spending the second half of today with.” They both turned to look at you, confused for a moment before realization hit them. 

“Oh that’s right, you weren’t there when we drew the names were you?” Jihoon asked, smiling a bit when you shook your head, “once you’re done with Joshua you’ll be hanging out with Seungkwan.” You didn’t know whether to feel relieved or nervous by that information, staring silently at the door as the two males waved goodbye one last time before leaving. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Seungkwan, it was just that he had always been a bit weird when around you so you never really knew if he liked you or just wanted to mess around with you. You decided to push that thought into the back of your mind for the time being however, remembering that you still had to meet up with Joshua before it got too late. Running back to the kitchen, you searched through the cupboards before settling on a granola bar, holding the snack between your teeth as you all but dashed to the back door.

The sun's rays attacked you as soon as you stepped outside, causing you to shield your eyes with your hand as you adjusted to the brightness. You blinked a few times to sooth the irritation from the light before slowly lowering your hand and glancing around for Joshua. The soft sound of a guitar caught your attention, making your ears perk up as you followed the source to where the man was sitting. He was set up on the edge of the back patio, seated on a lawn chair facing you despite his focus being on the instrument resting in his lap. He was looking down, his bangs covering his eyes as he plucked gently at the strings, blessing your ears with the melody that he hummed along to. You took a moment to just appreciate the music, closing your eyes and waiting for the song to finish before finally making your way over. Joshua perked up when he heard your footsteps approaching him. Looking up, he smiled fondly at you and set the guitar to the side so he could sit up properly. 

“Good morning,” he greeted, “did you sleep well?”

“I did,” you replied, taking a seat in the chair next to him, “sorry if I kept you waiting, I didn’t think I would be that tired.”

“Don’t worry about it, I haven’t been out here too long,” he assured, “also I figured I could get some practice in while I waited for you so win-win in my opinion.” You nodded softly and turned your attention towards the instrument that now rested at his side. It looked a bit older than the one you had seen Jihoon play in the studio, but it still looked really nice and piqued your interest. 

“I didn’t know you could play the guitar,” you commented after a moment, causing Joshua to chuckle.

“I guess I haven’t really brought it out around you have I?” he questioned, running his hand over the side of the instrument, “I wouldn’t say I play it too often but it’s a little side hobby that I enjoy.” 

“You’re really good, I really liked that song you were playing,” you complimented, causing him to turn slightly red. 

“Thank you, it’s one of my favorite songs so I always find myself going to it first when I want to practice.”

“Do you ever make your own songs?”

“I mean sometimes but nothing really noteworthy, I can play one for you in a bit if you’re curious. I just need a moment to give my hands a break because your fingers can get pretty sore if you play too much.” You eagerly nodded when he offered to play you a song, not only wanting to hear him play more but also enjoying seeing him so content. Even with 13 owners, you still felt a really tight bond to all, or at least most of them, so seeing them happy or content made you equally as happy. A part of you wondered if they ever felt the same way about you, but you wouldn’t even know how to approach that question so you let it fade from your thoughts. Instead you brought your attention back to the instrument that started this conversation. If you remembered correctly, Joshua was the second member now that you had seen play the guitar which definitely piqued your interest. You knew that the guys all had some sort of musical talent, but this was the first time you had ever gotten to witness it. You couldn’t help but be curious if everyone had the ability to play an instrument or if you just happened to get paired with the two that did.

“Jihoon plays the guitar too,” you said, pretty much thinking out loud, “do you guys all play instruments then?” 

“Maybe not all of us but at least most of us know how to play one or two, we usually play them for side projects rather than for work like Jihoon does,” he explained. You gave him a confused look which made him smile in return. Even after all this time, their jobs still made no sense to you. It seemed like every time you thought you understood what the guys did, one of them would say or do something that proved you completely wrong. 

“So what do you guys do then?” you asked. 

“Well, we’re idols, we perform for people,” he replied, humming in thought when he saw that you still didn’t understand, “Here think about it this way okay? So all 13 of us work in a group that makes and performs music for our fans. We all dance and record the songs, so some of us sing and some of us rap. Jihoon is our main producer so that’s why he focuses more on making music while the rest of us focus a bit more on performing. Though we all pitch in and we all have our own little skills that we can use in our work. Does that make sense?” You took a minute to process what he was saying before shyly nodding. Joshua's smile widened a bit and he reached out to scratch behind your ear, “We’ll show you what we do once we get the approval to bring you around, I’m sure once you see it for yourself it will make more sense.” You tried your best to nod with his hand stroking your fur but it only served to push your head further into his hand. Joshua said nothing and continued with his actions, letting his hand rest on the top of your head so that you could nuzzle into it at your own pace. “You’re really cute you know that,” he said out of nowhere, making you freeze and look up at him. 

“I am?” you asked, not able to stop the heat rising to your face no matter how hard you tried. Joshua noticed this but said nothing, having to look away in order to keep his own blush from spreading. 

“I mean of course you are,” he stuttered out, “you’re very sweet and affectionate, and if I didn’t know better I would think you were a regular house cat instead of a tiger.” You tilted your head to glance up at him, forcing his hand away from your head and causing him to shrug, “I don’t mean that in a bad way, obviously. It’s just that the common conception about wild hybrids is that they are usually more aggressive and not as affectionate as the more common ones, that's all. It’s actually kind of refreshing that you’re not like that, I love how cute and cuddly you are.” By now you were sure that his face was more red than yours, but you didn’t give him time to find out as you turned to hide your face against his chest. Joshua let out a soft noise of surprise at the sudden action, though you soon felt his arm wrap around your waist to hold you closer to him. “Hey now don’t get shy on me, come here,” he teased, nudging you a bit with his arm to get you to look at him. Instead of doing what he wanted you shook your head and proceeded to nuzzle further into his chest, practically suffocating yourself against the fabric of his shirt. He always had a bit of a wood like scent to him but today he also smelled a bit like citrus, making you wonder if he changed his perfume or if it was just the outdoors rubbing off on him. 

The two of you remained still for a moment until you heard Joshua sigh. Before you could react he was turning his body and pulling you so that you were straddling his lap, one arm around your waist and the other resting gently on your shoulder. This new position felt oddly intimate and you felt yourself blushing even more, though Joshua quickly moved his hand from your shoulder to your chin before you could look away. “Don’t be shy, it’s just me,” he assured, keeping his voice soft and rubbing small circles into your lower back, “I’ll admit I was just trying to move you over so we could cuddle better but I suppose this position works as well.” He chuckled nervously and glanced around to make sure that none of the guys saw you two. You were still extremely flustered by the sudden intimacy but still forced yourself to look at him. Joshua had leaned back a bit so that you wouldn’t be completely pressed against him, his expression soft as he looked up at you. You tried to shift around a bit to make the position less awkward, only to feel yourself blush more “Are you okay? We can move if you feel uncomfortable,” he assured, already adjusting to pull you off of him when you grabbed his wrist. 

“No it’s okay,” you responded, causing him to raise an eyebrow at you.

“Are you sure Y/N?”

“I’m sure, I’m just not used to this level of affection yet I guess,” you confessed. 

“Affection? You mean like cuddling?” he asked, to which you nodded. 

“Like you said, people don’t really want to cuddle with wild hybrids so usually I would just get head pats. Though I do really like the cuddles.” You could have sworn you saw his eyes light up a bit when you said that. 

“I definitely like the cuddles too,” he responded, “so feel free to cuddle with me whenever you want.” You giggled softly and nodded, repositioning yourself a bit so that you were seated better in his lap. With your new position you were able to wrap your arms around him in a tight hug, nuzzling your face into his neck and sighing deeply as you inhaled more of his natural scent. Joshua's chest rumbled against you for a moment as he laughed, wrapping his arms around you just as tightly and sitting back in the chair with you still attached to him. His head rested against yours and every so often you would feel his lips softly touch the top of your head. The action made you feel warm in a way you had never felt before, but you honestly didn’t want the feeling to go away either. “Hey Y/N?” you heard him speak up after a few minutes of comfortable silence. You let out a questioning hum in response and felt him shift under you a bit, “you said you weren’t really used to affection, does that also include kisses?” 

“Uhh yeah it does,” you admitted shyly, “I don’t remember ever getting kisses actually.” Joshua frowned a bit at this though you weren’t able to see it as you were still nuzzled into his neck. 

“Are you okay with kisses then?” he asked after a moment of thought. 

“I mean I like the ones you’re giving me on my head so, I think so?” you replied back. Your uncertainty was obvious and it made Joshua hum in thought as he considered his next move. 

“May I try something then?” he asked. When you didn’t immediately respond he took this as a sign to explain himself, “I won’t do anything crazy I promise, I’m just curious to see if you like it is all. You took a moment to think about it, a bit overwhelmed with all the new attention but also curious as to what he meant. You quickly decided that you trusted Joshua and you wanted to know what he was planning so you lifted your head from his shoulder so that you could nod. He let out a sigh of relief and nudged you away enough so that you two were facing each other again. His hand reached up to gently cup your cheek and tilt your head to the side, giving him enough access to lean up and press a soft kiss to your cheek. His lips were warm and very soft against your skin, and you swore that you could still feel them there even after he had pulled away. “Well, what did you think about that?” he asked. It was a genuine question, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Joshua didn’t know whether to be worried about your reaction or laugh at how innocent you were. He opted for a middle option though, and stayed silent while watching you to see how you reacted. It took a few minutes of you cupping your cheek where he kissed you and stuttering over your words for you to finally answer him. 

“I really liked that,” you whispered. Joshua didn’t hear you at first so he had you repeat it, but once you did he was smiling up at you like you just told him the best news imaginable. 

“I’m so glad to hear that, because I really liked it as well,” he said with a laugh, pinching your cheek to make you giggle as well. 

“Can I try that as well?” you asked, looking down at him shyly. 

“Try what, giving me a kiss as well?” he asked to clarify, unable to stop himself from turning red as you nodded, “of course you can.” Despite his slight blush from you returning his affection, Joshua still turned his head so that you could easily lean down and kiss his cheek. You were really nervous about doing something wrong, so your lips only barely touched him before you were pulling away. Your hand moved to cover your mouth and your ears pressed to the back of your head as you tried to look anywhere but at him. It seemed Joshua appreciated the action either way, though, as he mirrored your previous action by placing his hand over his cheek and looking back at you. You two sat there staring at each other for much longer than you would consider comfortable, both extremely flustered and not knowing what to say. Joshua was the one to finally break the silence, clearing his throat to get your attention. “So, I’d say we probably have another hour or two before Seungkwan comes to steal you away, would you like to learn how to play the guitar?” You perked up and nodded eagerly, earning a soft chuckle from the man as he tapped your thigh, “Stand up real quick so we can adjust to a better position.”

You did as you were told and climbed carefully off of Joshua's lap, standing a bit away from the chair as he sat up. He took a moment to stretch out his legs before adjusting himself and sliding back in the chair. This allowed you to sit down in between his legs and still give him room to move so he could help you with the guitar. Joshua's front was pressed against your back as he placed the instrument in your lap and guided your hands to where they needed to be, his head resting on your shoulder so he could see. You two spent a bit just with you getting used to holding the guitar and plucking at a few strings to hear how everything sounded. Once you were comfortable with that, he began showing you how to play his favorite song, the same one he had been playing earlier. His hands never left yours and helped to guide you while he sang the lyrics softly against your shoulder. You had to admit you still had no idea what you were doing or how to play since he was doing most of the work, but that didn’t matter since you were enjoying the moment with him. Joshua seemed to be enjoying it as well, given you could feel him smiling against you and the way he would try to shift as if to get closer to you. Even if you weren’t really learning how to play the guitar, you would have happily stayed in that moment with him for as long as possible. Unfortunately, that moment did have to come to an end as the sound of the back door and footsteps alerted you to the presence of another member. 

“There you are!” You heard Seungkwan exclaim as he walked over, “you guys were supposed to be back inside like an hour ago!” You felt Joshua stiffen behind you, shuffling through his pocket to pull out his phone and look at the time. 

“Oh wow it’s that late already, sorry Seungkwan I guess we got carried away out here,” he apologized. Seungkwan was clearly not amused though, crossing his arms and pouting down at the two of you like a saddened child. 

“We agreed on a set time for a reason!” he whined, “I already don’t get to spend time with her as is and now the one time I do you’re stealing her from me!” You were a bit confused by what he was saying. Yeah it was true you hung out with certain members more than Seungkwan, but you never knew that he wanted to actually spend time with you either. He was always around with one or more of the other guys so you just assumed he didn’t really have time for you. Then again, you were starting to realize that maybe you had judged some of the guys a bit too quickly. Joshua merely laughed and shook his head as he maneuvered his way around you to stand up. 

“Alright alright I’m sorry,” he teased, “she’s all yours.” Joshua carefully took the guitar from you, putting the strap over his head so he could carry it back inside. Careful not to accidentally hit you with it, he reached down to scratch your ear and kiss your head one last time before making his way back inside. Seungkwan looked between the door and you for a moment, confused by the display he just saw but deciding not to comment on it. It only took a second for him to get back to his excitement for spending time with you, walking over and carefully grabbing your hand so he could pull you to a standing position. 

“Come on Y/N! I only have until dinner and I want to make the most out of it,” he urged, already walking towards the door before he finished talking. Since he was still holding onto your hand you had no choice but to walk with him as he was still holding his hand and you didn’t feel like being dragged around the dorm. 

“Where are we going?” you asked as he led you inside, immediately pulling you down the hall.

“My room,” he replied without stopping, “I didn’t really have a lot of time to prepare since I didn’t know my name was drawn until this morning but we’ll still have a lot of fun I promise!” You hummed softly in agreement and followed him down the hall towards the back where his room was. You hadn’t seen everyones room yet but you had learned from the few you had been in that they were all fairly similar in layout. The biggest difference between them was the way the guys decorated and Seungkwan's room turned out to be no different. It was laid out the same as the other members, though you could see all of the pictures and memorabilia from his past. Seungkwan finally let go of your hand so he could close the door, walking over to one of the nightstands and pointing to the bed. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, I’ll join you in just a second.” You nodded despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at you, deciding to look around his room for a moment before actually sitting down on his bed. You noticed that it was a bit softer than the one you shared with Soonyoung, bouncing a bit on the mattress and resisting the urge to roll around on his sheets. You didn’t know if it was your tiger instincts kicking in that made you want to scent each member and mark them as yours, or just because you enjoyed the comfort of the different members. Either way, the feeling of Seungkwan enveloped you as you found yourself falling back against his sheets. You had never really been close enough to him before to get used to how he smelled or his warmth, but now that you were here you were definitely enjoying it. 

“Having fun there?” the sound of his voice startled you out of your little trance. Jumping up from your spot, you let out a nervous giggle when you saw Seungkwan standing at the edge of the bed. He had a very amused look on his face as he looked down at you, a laptop resting between his arm and his hip. 

“Yeah sorry, I just haven’t been around you much and you smell really good,” you admitted. Seungkwan cocked his head to the side, setting the laptop down on the bed so he could climb on and sit beside you. 

“Do I?” he asked, “what exactly do I smell like?”

“It’s very light, but also sweet and kinda citrusy as well, honestly it reminds me of a tangerine,” you explained with another giggle. Seungkwan seemed very amused by your analysis, poking his lip out a bit as he contemplated what you said. 

“You’ve been around me for a few minutes and you can tell all of that? That’s kind of impressive,” he said. 

“Is it? I thought it was normal to catch onto people's scents?” you questioned. 

“Maybe for a hybrid but we can’t really smell any of that. Like yeah I can smell perfumes and all of that but otherwise it’s just normal to me. I’m not even wearing anything right now and you can point it out so easily.” 

“So that’s why it’s so light,” you commented, making him laugh a bit and shake his head. 

“Do we all have a unique scent to you then?” he asked, to which you nodded, “who’s your favorite?” 

“I don’t have a favorite,” you responded immediately, “you’re all unique and special in your own way and it’s always comforting.” Seungkwan didn’t verbally respond to your answer, but you could see him smile shyly from the corner of your eye. This was a bit of a different side to the man you had seen when you first moved in, but you had to admit you liked this sweet and shy side of him. Seungkwan seemed to catch on to how quiet it got, grabbing the laptop and turning it on. 

“So like I said I didn’t really have time to plan anything, but I was thinking maybe we could just hang out or watch something since we haven’t really gotten to spend time before. I’d offer to play a game or something but the others kind of took over the living room,” he explained. He sounded a bit unsure of himself which made you relax a bit more. You also had to admit the way he was acting was pretty cute and made you want to curl around him. Once again it didn’t take long for your instincts to kick in, scooting closer to him and wrapping your arms around his waist. The action startled him, causing him to yelp and jump a bit in your hold. It worried you a bit that maybe he wasn’t comfortable with you being close to him, but you soon felt him wrap his arm around you in return. “Maybe a little bit of warning next time you want to hug me okay, I thought I was going to die just there,” he teased, dramatically holding his hand over his heart. You couldn’t help but laugh at how dramatic he was as you snuggled closer against him. 

“Sorry I promise next time I’ll announce when I plan on hugging you,” you teased back. The tone of your voice made him scoff and roll his eyes. 

“Alright I see how it is then,” he mused, “maybe I don’t want to spend time with you if all you want to do is make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you! You’re the one who started it!” you argued, poking at his side playfully. The action made him gasp and quickly cover his hand with his mouth to keep from laughing. Unfortunately for Seungkwan though, your sensitive ears still picked up the sound. Curious about his reaction, you decided to continue poking at him while your other arm stayed wrapped around him. Seungkwan gasped again and began to squirm a bit as you tried tickling him, removing his hand from his mouth as he grabbed your wrist. 

“I wouldn’t continue this if I were you,” he warned. You looked down at where he was holding your arm then back up at his eyes. His expression was firm in his warning but you could still tell after a moment that he wasn’t being serious. Seeing that, you decided to do the opposite of what he said and decided to test your luck. 

“Yeah, or what?” you challenged as you moved your free hand to tickle him again. Seungkwan yelped and let you go so that he could grab at your other arm. You couldn’t help but laugh as you watched him try to fight you off. He struggled for a few moments before finally getting the upper hand and pulling you off of him. 

“Alright then, you asked for it,” he exclaimed. Before you had time to react Seungkwan had turned and pushed you so fell on to your back. He sat on your legs, just above your knees so you couldn’t get away, and moved both of his hands to tickle at your sides. Any chance of staying quiet left the second he began tickling you, the movements causing you to erupt into a fit of squeals and giggles. Your head shook and your hands frantically reached out to try and push Seungkwan off of you but to no avail. He was clearly stronger than you and, even if he hadn’t been, his position gave him the upper hand so you had no chance of fighting him off. Seungkwan continued his movements until you were practically out of breath, laughing loudly himself at your desperate attempts to pry him off of you. “Not so tough now, are we Kitty?” he teased once he finally let you go. You tried your best to glare at him but failed as you tried to catch your breath, a few more giggles leaving you as you calmed down. 

“No fair,” you whined, crossing your arms over your chest as you tried to glare up at him. Seungkwan mimicked your expression and voice for a moment before sticking his tongue out at you. 

“You started it, I just played along,” he pointed out. You wanted to argue but knew there was no winning against him. Instead you pouted and turned your head away with a dramatic huff, keeping your arms crossed over your chest. Seungkwan chuckled softly and reached down to run his hand through your hair, humming as you melted immediately into his touch. “I’m sorry, okay? Here how about I make it up to you with cuddles and we can watch a movie?” he suggested. You tried to pretend to be mad but the twitching of your ears and tail gave you away almost immediately. “I’ll take that as a yes then,” he said as he climbed off of you. You sat up and watched as Seungkwan pulled up a random movie on his laptop and returned to his previous position on the bed, practically laying down with one of the pillows propping him up. Once he was comfortable he looked over at you and opened his arms as an invitation for you to snuggle up to him, which you happily did. You curled up against his side with most of your top half laying on his chest. Seungkwan responded by immediately wrapping his arm around you, rubbing your lower back as the other moved to run through your hair. It was a bit knotted now since you had been moving your head against his sheets so he was careful not to pull on it too hard. 

Unlike his previous actions while tickling you, his pets were gentle and had you nuzzling into him almost immediately. Your head pushed against his hand and your cheek rubbed against his chest. Seungkwan had still been a bit stiff when he first laid down, but he also seemed to relax as he felt you melt against him. 

“You’re really snuggling up there,” he pointed out as he twirled a strand of your hair between his fingers.

“Is that a bad thing?” you asked. 

“Not at,” he assured, “I just didn’t expect it since we never really spent time together before.”

“I like cuddles, and you’re pretty good at them so I can’t complain,” you stated. Seungkwan stayed silent at that, but you decided not to comment on it. Though you did maneuver yourself just enough so that you could look up at him and see his expression. His cheeks were red and his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth as he locked eyes with you. Deciding to test your luck and what you learned from Joshua earlier, you leaned up just enough to press a kiss to his jaw before curling back up. Seungkwan's breath hitched and he had to keep himself from jumping and knocking you off of him. He was obviously taken aback by your actions and you couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. 

“I…what was that?” he questioned after a moment of trying to regain himself. The question had you whimpering and curling up a bit, wondering if you had made a mistake. 

“Did I do something wrong?” 

“What? Oh no not at all,” he quickly reassured you, “I just didn’t expect it that’s all. I didn’t realize you were this affectionate.” You didn’t answer him, keeping your gaze down at his chest which he obviously noticed. Seungkwan sighed and shifted slightly, tapping on your shoulder until you looked at him, “I can’t speak for the other guys obviously but you can be as affectionate with me as you want okay? I may get startled a bit at first but I promise you I like it  just as much.” You tilted your head a bit as you listened, blinking softly at him as you tried to process what he was saying. 

“Are you sure?” you asked, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that they were okay with this attention from you. If you had tried to initiate anything like this with your previous owners, they would have thrown you off of them in a heartbeat. The fact that not just one of the guys, but a majority of them allowed you to curl up with them on a daily basis was a welcomed change, but you still needed to get used to this. 

“Hey I know I joke around a lot but I promise I’m not actually mean!” Seungkwan exclaimed with a pout, “unless it’s to the guys but that’s not the point. You’re different so whenever you want my attention you just tell me okay? Besides I didn’t get to spend much time with you since Soonyoung keeps hogging all of your attention so I have a lot to make up for.” As if to prove his point, he sat up enough that he could pull you into a hug, placing multiple quick kisses on both of your cheeks before letting you go and laying back down. You giggled at the attention and playfully pushed him off of you, allowing him to pull you down so you were laying on his chest again. 

By this point a third of the movie he was playing had passed but neither of you were paying attention to what was happening. Instead it served as background noise as the two of you cuddled up with each other, just enjoying the warmth and love of the moment. You closed your eyes to focus on his scent and heartbeat and eventually ended up falling asleep on his chest. Seungkwan had noticed the moment you dozed off, continuing to pet and watch you for a little bit. He half debated turning off the movie so you could rest quietly but he was too afraid of waking you up to move. Instead he decided to finish the movie by himself while you slept, letting it turn off by itself as he held onto you and slowly began to drift off himself. The feeling of you curled up on his chest and the soft rumbling noise you made as you slept relaxing the male more than he thought was even possible.

The two of you were woken up a few hours later by a giggling Jeonghan, the male shaking you hard enough to wake both you and Seungkwan. 

“Well good morning sleepy heads,” he cooed as you both opened your eyes, “sorry to wake you but dinner is ready. Everyone else is already eating so I would hurry up if you want food.” You groaned softly as you sat up, taking a moment to stretch and properly wake up. Jeonghan couldn’t help but laugh at how you looked, half asleep with your shirt and hair a complete mess. It was an adorable sight and, if you were more awake, he probably would have shaken you with how cute you were. Seungkwan sat up behind you after a moment, looking almost identical to you. 

“We’ll be done in just a moment,” he muttered, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Jeonghan huffed a bit and shook his head. 

“Alright, don’t take too long then or you know Mingyu will steal your food,” he teased, leaving the room so you and Seungkwan could have a moment. The second the door closed you felt the other males arms around you, pulling you against him as he hid his face in your neck. 

“I know that probably wasn’t the most fun way to spend your day, but that was nice. We should do this again sometime,” he muttered against your shoulder. You couldn’t help the wide smile that made its way onto your face as you nodded. 

“We definitely should.” 

Dinner went by in a blur, half of the members having already left while the others stayed to question how the day went. Jeonghan had mentioned something about them having drawn the names of the next two members but you hadn’t been able to pay attention since Soonyoung and Seungkwan had started bickering the second the younger had sat down. You only had enough time to finish your meal before Soonyoung was literally picking you up and carrying you away from the table. All you could do was wave goodbye to the guys as Seungkwan shouted at the man carrying you for hogging all of your attention. If Soonyoung had been listening though, he didn’t make it known as his movements never faltered. 

You soon found yourself sitting in the middle of your bed, freshly showered and dressed in your pajamas as you waited for Soonyoung to finish getting ready for bed. Given you had just woken up from your nap with Seungkwan, you weren’t really that tired. Instead of curling up like you usually did, you found yourself playing games on his phone and thinking back on the day you had. There were quite a few moments that stuck out to you, but your thoughts were occupied with how the guys had reacted to kisses. It was honestly new territory for you so you really didn’t understand how this worked or why they had reacted the way they did. Of course you weren’t naive and knew that it was an act between people who loved each other, but you didn’t know if that applied here. Did the guys love you? Did they all want affection for you like this? Were you pushing your boundaries now? Honestly you had no idea, and you hated how much the thought weighed on you. 

“I know that look, what are you thinking about?” looking up from the phone, you saw Soonyoung looking down at you with a concerned gaze. His hair was still wet from his shower and he had changed into his pajamas, the water dripping from his bangs and making dark spots on his shoulders. You bit at your lip as you tried to think of how to explain your thought to him, shrinking down with a defeated sigh. 

“You love me, right?” you asked. Soonyoungs eyes widened at the question, staring down at you in a mix of pain and shock. 

“Of course I do,” he exclaimed as he climbed onto the bed beside you, “I’ll always love you, as will many of the guys. Why would you ask that?” He placed his hand on your shoulder as he asked, giving it a gentle squeeze to try and comfort you. 

“It’s dumb but, when you love someone you give them kisses, right?” the question felt worse now that you finally asked, but there was no taking it back now. Soonyoung was extremely confused by the question, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to think of what to say. You quickly took advantage of his silence to explain to him, “It’s just that Joshua had asked about kisses and then when I gave one to Seungkwan he seemed startled so I was worried I may not be doing it right.” It all started to make sense to Soonyoung now, the male letting out a soft “oh” of realization. 

“Did they say they didn’t like the kisses?” he asked, to which you shook your head. “Well then you didn’t do anything wrong. Kisses are something you give to people you care about. Yes, as long as you both enjoy it you aren’t doing anything wrong.” You felt relieved as he said that, starting to like the idea of using kisses to show your appreciation to the boys. 

“Do you like kisses then?” you asked, making him laugh. 

“I love kisses, and I would love kisses from you even more,” he assured, pressing a kiss to your forehead to prove his point. His lips lingered against your skin for much longer than the other two, going back in for a second one before suddenly pulling away. The room went quiet and you watched as something changed in Soonyoungs expression before he returned his attention to you. “Y/N, have you ever had a proper kiss before?” 

“A proper kiss?” he nodded softly at your question. 

“Those are the kisses you give to people you really love,” he explained, “would you like me to show you?” You had a good idea of what he was talking about, biting your lip again as you slowly nodded. Soonyoung smiled softly and copied your action, nodding as his hand reached out to cup your cheek. His thumb stroked your skin as the other hand moved to grab one of your own. He took a moment to analyze your expression, searching for any signs of discomfort before moving in and connecting your lips. You exhaled sharply at the contact but quickly relaxed, doing your best to copy his movements. Your hand gripped his and your other went to rest on the back of his neck, letting your eyes close to enjoy the sensation. This kiss was way different than the others, Soonyoungs lips still soft but also a bit more firm. Your senses were overwhelmed by him and yet you didn’t want to pull away. He was the one who finally broke away from the kiss, placing one last peck to your lips before backing up completely and smiling shyly. 

“How was that?” he asked, letting go of your cheek to rub at the back of his neck. 

“I loved it,” you responded immediately, causing his smile to widen. 

“I did too,” he giggled softly before glancing at the clock, “now what do you say we get into bed. I know you’re not tired so you can use my phone more as long as you plug it up before falling asleep.” You wordlessly agreed, grabbing the mobile device and climbing onto your side of the bed, Soonyoung getting in as well and hugging you from behind. “Goodnight Y/N,” he whispered with one last kiss to your cheek, causing you to curl up a bit. 

“Goodnight Soonyoung.” As you felt him slowly relax and drift off you allowed yourself to think about your current circumstance. It was fascinating to think that just a few days ago you probably would have shied away from everyone still, but now it felt like you were becoming part of the family. You were still unsure of what the future held but one thing was for sure, you were really excited to get close with the rest of the members. 

Horanghae taglist: @ryukosuzuki @taeyongzodiactwinkiri @knucklesdeepmingi @brncbrnc @d-noona @kookiedesi @twancingyunhao @neokwxn @woohoney @lilactangerine @luvthatleader-nim @luv-quinn @wonupuppy @softnala @yangjuk @exfolitae @r1kisbae @amethyistheart @butterfliesinthenightsky @dreamhannies @inkyibelle @liathachcapricious @carrotsworld @candidupped @friendlywraith​ 

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‘Hey! Crazy seeing you here!’ ‘You look nice, not that you don’t always…look nice,’ you rack possible dialogues through your brain.

‘God, you’re hopeless.’ you roll your eyes, bumping into a prominent figure. You feel two large hands hold you up by your shoulders. “Are you okay?”

You look up, eyebrows furrowed at the annoyance of having the person you bumped into touching you. However, you relax when your eyes meet a pair of familiar brown orbs. “Hello? Did you give yourself a concussion?” the lisp in his voice was unmistakable. 

“Sorry, Mingyu,” you sheepishly respond, “I didn’t see you there.”

“Oh, thank god,” he exasperates. “I thought you hit your head too hard you forgot how to talk.”

You giggle. “I’m fine. I promise.” You stare down at your feet in embarrassment as Mingyu moves you aside as not to block the entrance of the dance from incoming traffic. You could feel the crowd's stares as they walked by the two of you. You and Mingyu were friends by association; you’d had multiple classes together, he was a friendly giant by nature, but no one expected the school’s soccer captain to be lightly grazing your arm so casually at the dance.

“Have you seen DK?” you break through the silence, lightly surveying the reception, hoping to get a glace of the aforementioned boy.

“Hm?” Mingyu gets broken out of his thoughts at your question. A small amount of red tint floods his face before he laughs slightly. “DK? He should already be here, according to his Instagram story.” You nod at the sudden information, your heart thrumming faster in your chest as your nerves grow more significant by the second. “Hey,” Mingyu’s voice rumbles next to your ear, causing you to flinch at his proximity. “Jesus,” you glower through gritted teeth. “What?”

Mingyu pulls away and points at the center of the dance floor. “I think I found your prince charming,” he grinned.

“Fuck off, Mingyu,” you speak in a hushed tone. You feel blood pooling in your ears at how Mingyu called DK your prince charming.

“What kind of friend would I be if I don’t help my friend out while they’re crushing on my best friend? Now, pull yourself together and be prepared to move. I’m getting you on that dance floor.”

You blink furiously, trying to take in what Mingyu just told you. “You’re insane” is the last thing you can say as the tall boy drags you into the giant pit of people. You can’t help but grab onto his arm as he parts through the crowd swiftly. You laughed at how his body bobbed with the rhythm of the music playing, and not long after, you nodded your head along while being mindful of your steps as you made your way through the thick crowd of dancing teenagers. 

In a matter of minutes, you found yourselves at the center of the dance floor, and you laughed, looking over your shoulder at the entrance where you were standing a mere second ago. ‘Fucking Mingyu, only you could drag me into the middle of a dance floor like it was nothing.’

You were distracted by yelling nearby, and you turned slightly, laughing at a lively group of three aggressively dancing and fist-bumping to the music. And that's when you realize one-third of the boys is none other than Seokmin himself. 

He was dancing maniacally, totally immersed in the music. His entire face shone madly- from his eyes to his smile to his skin. Always the carefree, charismatic piece of sunshine he encapsulated. No, he was the sun. So vibrant and warm with anyone; it was hard not to like him as a person. It’s what you liked about him. 

“Hey, DK!” Mingyu shouted before you as you stood slightly behind him. DK turned to face his best friend, breaking away from the two other people he was dancing with, smiling with his eyes as wide as can be at the sight of the immense giant Mingyu. “I have a surprise for you.”

‘I have a surprise for you’ was the last thing you caught before Mingyu casually yanked you in front of him. The sudden movement caught you off guard, causing you to trip over your feet, but instead of falling, your fall was broken by two firm arms holding you up.

Your gaze falls upon a pair of worrisome eyes that soon get encapsulated by the most beautiful eye smile you’d ever seen on a human being. Your bodies were only mere inches apart. Nothing but thin air held you apart, and the beating of your heart only grew as DK chuckled, the roar of it transcending his rib cage and traversing through your being as you felt the blood rush up your face pooling in your cheekbones as you smiled at one another.

He helped you up, holding you in place by your elbows, holding your gaze fondly before a mischievous grin took over his face. “ Hi, I’m Seokmin, but you can call me DK,” he states, trying to keep a straight face. You laugh, lightly wiping your tear duct. You didn't know why you produced a tear; if it was because of the embarrassment of almost falling, the anxiety of being so close to your crush, or just the pure joy of it all. “Nice to meet you, DK. I’m Y/N.”

ꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥ

It was the last class of the day, a class you were grateful for because it meant you could go home after the dismissal bell rang. The first day of school was uneventful, to say the least - the only worthwhile thing was the assembly before lunch, designated only for the graduating class. ‘At least I'll be graduating soon,’ you thought. You quickly hurried over to an empty table halfway through the lab with a window seat. You took out your books and a pen, preparing for your first Physics lesson of the year. You sat patiently as the other students filed into the lab, taking their seats and making acquaintances. You casually looked to your right and gave a small smile to the boy who was scooting over to sit in front of you, and he gave you a small smile back.

You were happy with the interaction. At least you knew you had a possible friend in the class. However, a sudden blur in your peripheral vision caught you off guard. “Hi, Y/N!” a cheeky face appears next to yours as they plop down on the seat next to you. “Hi, Mingyu,” you smile back begrudgingly. He was pleased with your response and secretly passed you chocolate before standing up and leaving like he didn’t intrude on your peace. Typical, you sigh. You wondered how your friend even made it to senior year, considering how much he wasn’t present in his classes, let alone how he managed to pass exams you know he didn’t study for. You didn’t have time to save his ass for the rest of the school year by having him mooch off of you, and the thought of him doing so irked your soul. 

The sudden sound of the chair behind you scraping against the floor snapped you out of your thoughts as you turned in your seat, facing the body next to you, ready to berate your idiotic friend. “Listen, Mingyu-” the sentence you were about to start finished abruptly as you felt your ears burn in embarrassment. 

The boy sitting next to you turned slightly, visibly taken aback by the tone in your voice as he silently took out his notebooks, giving you a slight nod accompanied by a shy smile. You do the same before turning away and facing the window while resting your head on your arm in embarrassment, hoping the world split open and ate you. Way to go, dumbass. So much for first impressions, you scold yourself. There was no way you could face this kid after that, no way in hell. 

Oh, but did the universe have other plans because as fate would have it, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. You begrudgingly lift your head and turn to face the boy. “Oh, um, I’m sorry, but could I borrow a pen? I seem to have misplaced mine.” He gave you a sheepish smile, not meeting your gaze. “Sure,” you reply curtly, picking up your book bag and placing it on your lap to fetch a pen. After a few seconds, you produce a pen and lightly tap his shoulder, “here you go.” 

You would be lying if you didn’t admit the pure sight of his whole face didn’t make you breathless, as cliche as it was. He was nicely tanned, he had beautiful brown eyes, and the tiny mole on his cheek was everso artistically placed on his face by whom you’d assume did the work of god. You snap out of these unruly thoughts and extend your arm handing over the pen to your new labmate. You weren’t fully aware of the reaction he had caused within you with his visuals, but one thing was sure you felt your heart skip a beat. He gladly took the pen, thanking you repeatedly while giving you the most whole-hearted smile you’d ever seen. It was warm and inviting enough to make you smile in response. “Hi, I’m Seokmin,” he grinned, extending a hand out for you to take, “but you can call me DK.” You gladly take his hand, shaking it lightly “Nice to meet you, DK. I’m Y/N.”

ꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥ

Your school year with DK was far from dull; there wasn’t a day you wouldn’t laugh or smile. 

You found yourself eagerly awaiting the day's last class, only to spend it with him. You’d unbeknownst created a little schedule between the two of you: You would collect the worksheets for the day, place DK’s papers on his side of the table, pull out his chair, begin working on the warm-up questions the teacher left on the board for the class to complete, DK would walk through the classroom’s threshold by the time you were answering the third problem, and he would take his seat, pen already in hand as he started working on the warm-ups. “Hi.” he always smiled at you as he powered through the problems. “Hi,” you would smile back, and every time you did, you could feel your heart swell slightly. 

You lived to share your time with him in Physics. Whether it be through the proximity between the two of you when you leaned in to help him with an equation he was having trouble with, to playfully taking each other's papers to go over your answers, or the simple days when the teacher didn’t plan much and you simply basked in each other’s company. Those days especially, they were your favorites. Like the Friday you’d finished your word problems on your Kinematics review early, there were 40 minutes until dismissal, and you were bored. DK had fallen asleep using his arms as a cushion. He had a rough tennis practice the day before and needed some rest. You knew you should’ve let him rest, but seeing his vulnerable and exposed hand, you quietly grabbed your marker bag and uncapped a green marker.

Nice and gentle, you told yourself as you carefully pulled his hand closer to you. He’s not going to notice. You egged yourself on as you gently started painting his nails with the marker. You carefully grabbed his digits not to wake him, and a soft smile grew on your face at the thought of being halfway done with your artwork. When you gently lifted his middle finger, you felt your heart give out when he moved. DK lifted his head gently, his eyes struggling to open as he fought off his sleep. But what caught you most off guard was that he chuckled at you. It was the most profound noise you’ve heard come out of his body. It’s just because he’s groggy calm down. You could only stare as he stretched his arms before doing the same with his fingers. “Who told you to stop?” he asked, returning to placing his head on his bicep and closing his eyes while leaving the hand you were painting on for you. You felt your ears buzz slightly before taking a deep breath, picking up the marker, and placing its tip on his nailbed. Shit, you smirked. So much for that.

You also enjoyed working on labs and experiments with him. There was the time you had to work on paper airplanes together, and he ended up poking your eye. You had shrieked so shrilly before bursting into a fit of laughter. You held your eye as you laughed; DK had rushed over to you and held your face as he laughed off his concern. It took the two of you a minute to calm down. He ultimately held your face in his hands. “I’m so sorry,” his voice quivered as he hugged you. You felt a smile find a place on your face as you held onto him, lightly rubbing the side of his torso and being engulfed by his scent. 

It was addictive. He was addictive. Addictive in the way that you wished you could be close to him every single day, hug him, feel the way the care and nurture radiated off his very being. Lee Seokmin was intoxicating in the purest form imaginable, and it was moments like these where you thought you wouldn’t mind being like this- with him, forever. It was times like these when you realized you liked him. 

It’s just a stupid crush, it’ll go away soon.

But it didn’t. Over the last few months, he’d found a way to nestle in your heart. He’d begun to plague your thoughts outside Physics class. Your interactions were no exception. As of late, you’d find yourself engulfed in numerous back hugs during lunch, you didn’t mind them, and you couldn’t help but notice how right it felt to have his arms around you. Everyone saw how happy you both looked with each other, and they’d always comment on how you looked like a couple. You couldn’t help but shyly lower your gaze whenever someone commented on the topic. “Nah,” he simply replied while soothingly running his thumb across your arm as he held you. 

But what if we were a couple?

The thought of actually confessing plagued your mind once the spring semester started. Half the school year had gone by, and you only had a few months to take advantage of before you went your separate ways. With the start of February, Valentine’s Day was slowly approaching. While you never actually looked forward to the holiday, you did make cute cookie bags for your friends. But this time, it was different. You weren’t just making a cookie bag for your friend DK, he was also your crush, and you were determined to confess to him. 

You had handed out your bags to your friends, saving the last bag from Mingyu’s clutches and appetite, eagerly waiting to hand them to your lab partner. You had rushed to the lab for no reason but to pep yourself up to the occasion. You couldn’t fathom that you were crushing so hard you would do the most cliche thing in history and confess on Valentine's Day. The most nerve-wracking part was that you chose the easy way out and wrote your confession on a simple note.

I like you. I’ve liked you for a while now. I’m just too shy to tell you.

Like every other day, you picked up your worksheets and sat down. You kept opening and closing the note you wrote to ensure you had written your confession. Then the sudden sound of a chair scraping against the floor made you jump in your seat and drop the note. “Jesus,” you exclaim. “No, just me,” DK playfully points at himself, giving you his warm smile. “I hate you sometimes, you know?” you roll your eyes.

He pursed his lips rolling his eyes at you before leaning down to get something out of his book bag. With his back to you, you quickly searched around your seat for the note to no avail. Great, how convenient, you berated yourself. It’s okay; it’s out of your control. Just give him the cookies. It’s not the end of the world.

“What’s that?” he inquired, pointing at your lap with his pen. 

“Oh, I made this for you,” you muttered, handing him the bag of cookies. “Because…we’re friends, and it’s Valentine’s Day.” He stared at the bag, and you could’ve sworn you saw some tears in his eyes. However, whatever traces of tears he had were hidden away by his eye smiles as he smiled at you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

ꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥꕤꕥ

You didn’t know why you suddenly thought about your many memories with him. But you would be lying if you didn’t admit you often thought about them whenever you met his gaze. The same gaze that currently cascaded over you like a meteor shower as he held you in the middle of the dance floor.

“Are you okay?” he asked, wiping a stray tear from your face. “Better than ever,” you simper, giving him a genuine smile. He cleared his throat, taking in your evening appearance, and smiled. It made your heart skip a beat. “You look great, not that you never have. I’ve just never seen you look like,” he gestured at your outfit. A slight blush adorned the top of his ears and nose. “You look great, too,” you compliment him. He briefly let go of your shoulders and ran his hand over his nape. “Do you want to dance?” 

Of course, you dummy, you quipped mentally, extending your arm to him and taking the lead for once.

You had danced with DK for hours, yet the night seemed timeless. You had let yourself go, relishing in the chaos of your end-of-year dance, and couldn’t have asked for a better dance partner. Your lab partner.

It was a quarter till midnight when you two got off the dance floor. You sat at a table, rolling your neck, when a glass of lemonade invaded your line of sight. “Lemonade,” DK sang as he pulled his chair closer to yours. “Thanks.” You casually sipped the drink, staring at him from your peripheral vision. You smirked louder than you thought you would, given that the object of your attention was now staring at you in curiosity. “What’s so funny? Is it the way I drank my lemonade?” he feigned offense. “No, it has nothing to do with that. But it was a sight no less,” you pester to his dismay. “It’s just funny how a few months ago, I was about to kick you out of your seat before knowing who you were, and now I’m sitting next to you at prom.” 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” he asked, playing with the rim of his cup. 

“It’s a good thing.” You sat up in your chair a bit, scooting over to the edge of your chair. Your thighs grazed each other as you placed your hand on his knee. “There’s a reason I came to the dance tonight. DK I-”

“I like you too.”

Huh? You blink, processing what you just heard. “I’m sorry, what did you say? Like right now, what did you say?” Your heart rattled violently like a caged bird. The heat radiating from your heart as it spread through your body consumed you; it only got worse when you felt DK place his hand over yours as he gently snickered. 

“I said I like you too. I’ve liked you for a while.”

Oh god. He liked you. He actually liked you. You felt like you were going to combust. Your heart couldn’t handle the intensity of its movements and how it swelled with DK’s sudden confession. “How did- How do you know I like you? I didn’t even get to tell you,” you muttered. 

He dug into the pocket of his pants and handed you a note. Your note. The note you thought you’d lost to fate. “I found this note by my book bag on Valentine’s Day. I thought, no, I knew it was yours. All those months of sharing notes and papers with you paid off” He lightly squeezed your hand under his with a light chuckle. “I started liking you a while after that. But I didn’t know how to approach you about my crush without making you feel weird. So, I just decided to shoot my shot for once if I saw you today.”

You gulped, staring at him as his eyes shone madly…for you. You flipped the note over, and in worn-out penmanship was the confession you’d written all those months ago. 

I like you. I’ve liked you for a while now. I’m just too shy to tell you.

However, written under it in a different penmanship- one you knew all too well.

I like you too. ♡

“That’s kind of funny. I decided today would be the last time I’d try to confess my feelings for you after thinking I messed up the first time.” 

“But you didn’t.”

“But you didn’t.” you felt your heartbeat start to skip normally as it usually did when you were DK. You hadn’t blown your confession, and he liked you back. You desperately tried to bite back the smile that was forming on your face as happy tears threatened to poke out of your tear ducts.

  DK leaned in closer, diminishing the little space between each other, and he placed a light peck on your cheek. You held your cheek as you felt tingles adorning your face. He playfully bit his lip before giving you his signature smile—the smile you loved. 

“Boyfriend and girlfriend right now?” he prodded, wiggling his eyebrows. “No,” you laugh. “Boyfriend and girlfriend after prom?” he asked, hoping you’d entertain the idea. “Mmm, how about no,” you laugh as he stands up, taking both your hands in his. “Can you at least give me the honor of dancing the last slow dance with you?” he begged. “Now that, I’ll agree to.” 

“Oh, thank goodness,” he sighs, pulling you up as you run towards the dance floor.

It's just like your brother to leave you to fend for yourself. 

You had made Joshua swear up and down to you in person that he would never leave the quaint coffee shop he'd opened last year near the local campus unattended and unsupervised. You'd collected written assurance that he would give you fair warning if he needed your assistance. All you'd asked was at least a week's notice. You were a busy person!

Seungkwan would never let Joshua do you dirty like this. But your best friend was in Jeju now, as he always was during this time of year to see family. Meaning there would be no one to operate the coffee shop during its busiest season, the second month of the fall semester.

Joshua knew this. Seungkwan's been the 'best' to your 'friend' for decades. 

One to two people was enough to keep disgruntled students and surly professors semi-satisfied with their daily (or hourly) orders of much-needed caffeine. Joshua was always in the back, filling in between Seungkwan's generous shift hours or whenever it got busy — or at least that's where he was supposed to be.

Right now, Joshua must be enjoying himself on the white sands of some remote beach. Watching the sun sparkle across aqua blue waves as the tide rushes in to kiss his toes, sea breeze whipping back the black locks of his hair, one arm wrapped snugly around the shoulders of his partner. 

You're happy for him. Truly. You did not want him to feel any bad vibes on his special vacation.

Still — that didn't eliminate the fact that you hoped he would stub his toe on a rock as you glare at his sloppy, scribbled signature on the written agreement that ended up doing you no good. 

You're well aware that he and his significant other had decided on a small, private wedding. You were the one who happily lent your assistance in helping them prepare it. The celebration was quiet and tiny in contrast to the radiant display of love and affection they had toward one another. A reason why they had been debating on whether or not they would go somewhere extravagant instead for their honeymoon. 

You slam a glass a little too harshly on the counter. Of course, you'd advocated that they should! Duh! You just didn't think Joshua would send a lame text message, having already booked a flight and halfway out of the country by the time you read it in the morning. That was Joshua's escape mechanism to avoid the wrath of your anger as you scrambled to get to the coffee shop and open it before the regulars in a more foul mood than you decided to riot.

Smart and stupid.

AKA Joshua Hong, your beloved brother.

The door to the storage room bangs open and you hear a worried gasp of your name before two hands are wrapping around your own, trying to gently pry your fingers from around the glass. You let out an angry huff of air that causes your hair to fly up but release the death grip on the glass and let yourself be fussed over.

"I thought you had broken something!"

"What, like you do?"

It's fascinating to watch the blush creep up along Seokmin's neck to his ears and finally color the roundness of his cheeks. The soft trace of his fingers over yours intently checking for any signs of injury is equally as heartwarming as him trying to defend himself.

"That… that was… an accident."

You raise an eyebrow. "Are you saying I was trying to break something on purpose?"

"N-no! I was just worried you might've hurt yourself."

"I'm fine and so is this glass. Now get back to what you were doing, our afternoon rush will be hitting soon."

Like a scolded puppy, you can practically see figurative dog ears drooping as Seokmin hunches his broad shoulders and slinks back to the storage room. Despite being thousands of miles away, Seungkwan pulled through with helpful information that he knew someone who was looking for a part-time job. Of course, your best friend who was a reliable worker fully understood additional assistance was needed during the month and a half that Joshua was gone. Unfortunately, he had underestimated just how clumsy Seokmin was.

Although he was sweet and ready to learn immediately upon being hired, you swear it only added more work to your plate to train him. It also didn't help that his charming good looks caused an influx of customers to flock to the shop, very unsubtly to steal glances and shoot their shots with the new barista. Even you could admit that watching Seokmin's arms flex as he operated the large coffee machines, the bright sparkle in his eyes that matched his brilliant smile, and his shy but endearing nature were all very healing for the soul.

But you were also a witness to the horrifying scene of him almost breaking the great coffee contraption that cost nearly triple the amount that students paid for tuition at the campus. If you had been a cat, all your fur would've been poofed out when you hissed in shock at the unnaturally loud clank that echoed over the calm background music when he'd pushed down a lever too hard.

The future flashed before your eyes at that moment. 

A furious, caffeine-deprived mob banging outside your door. Seungkwan complaining about his puffy face after crying for weeks. A perplexed Joshua divorced merely a month after marriage because now he's swimming in debt. Loan sharks dirtying your name and preventing you from ever getting a new job to pay for repairs and all other extraneous bills. You and Joshua are homeless, branded as criminals on the run.

Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. 

But you've poured a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this place and that darn machine — none of which you technically even own. It's your brother's pride and joy just as much as it became yours, a comforting place to visit on your days off that you are more than happy to assist when it all comes down to it.

Even now, you're eyeing Seokmin suspiciously as he very gently lowers the lever to start the process and shoots you a sheepish smile. Everything turned out alright in the end. But you had to spend an extra two hours last week examining the components closely with your new hire cringing but giving you pouty, pleading gazes in the hopes that you wouldn't fire him on the spot.

Of course, you didn't. You even brewed him your signature blend to ensure that the machine was operating as it should and as additional compensation for the extra time he stayed. Plus, you needed his help. Whether you liked him or not.

You did like him, though.

"Um, can you help me finish this latte?" 

You jump. Lost in your thoughts, you're unaware of Seokmin's sudden presence as he whispers in your ear, minty breath warm as it fans against the side of your face.

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

Even though he did things like this, yes. You somehow still really did like Seokmin.

He's good at acting oblivious to the curious, questioning stares of the customers waiting at the counter and you do your best to ignore them as well. Peeking over his shoulder, you talk him through it as your nervous system relaxes because of the refreshing scent that surrounds him. 

You don't know how to describe it but Seokmin smells like sunshine. Maybe because he is the sun itself.

"And you know what's next?"

"Wait, don't tell me." His eyebrows scrunch as he closes his eyes in thought, mumbling what he's already done to remind himself. 

"You've added almost all of the ingredients."

"Right. Cinnamon, vanilla extract, syrup… the coffee of course. Uh…"

"Milk."

"Yes," he puts down a finger as he counts, "the milk… Oh! The milk!" Smacking his forehead lightly, he grabs one of the containers that he'd frothed a portion of the milk in earlier. "Duh, how could I forget that again?"

"You're doing better each time."

You're taken aback when you pat him encouragingly and he turns, not even flinching at how close his face is to yours. "All thanks to you."

You blanch at his sparkly, grateful eyes and quickly shuffle to the counter. The woman waiting for her order is giggling as you approach and you choose to ignore it.

"Would you like whipped cream?"

"I do like sweet things," she slyly says and takes it from your grasp, laser-focused on the man behind you. "Care to top me off, Sugar?"

You follow her expectant gaze only to find Seokmin not even paying attention. His back is turned and he's humming happily to himself as he cleans up the used utensils and straightens the dishes. 

"Um… excuse me, darling?"

"I think she wants whipped cream," you say. Or something… someone… else runs across your mind only to blink when the tube is dangled in front of your face. "Huh?"

"Said you needed it, right?" Seokmin waves it back and forth until you take it from him and goes right back to what he was doing with a bounce in his step. "Let me know if I can grab anything else for you!"

The woman is boring holes into the side of your head as you stare at his back flabbergasted for a few seconds before snapping out of it. Meeting her narrowed eyes, you put on your best customer service smile and squeeze the whipped cream dispenser to top off her latte. 

"Could I get you anythi — "

"Hah! No. Thank. You."

She flounces out as if she's a damaged diva not even waiting for you to finish and you shrug, wiping up the wasted drops of liquid heavy cream. Losing a customer who has a bad attitude is no skin off your back.

"What was her issue? She was kinda rude."

"And here I thought you weren't paying attention."

"Of course I was. She asked for whipped cream, she got whipped cream. No reason to cut you off like that when she got what she wanted."

"But she didn't."

"What?"

You turn around with a knowing smirk and lean against the counter when Seokmin tilts his head in confusion. "She didn't get your attention."

He rolls his eyes. "That's ridiculous."

"Are you single?"

"Uh… wh-why do you ask?"

It's amusing how his demeanor changes so quickly, once again flustered after being snarky for merely two seconds. 

"Sorry, I'm not trying to pry. You don't have to tell me, what I mean is that, if you are single it's okay if you wish to spark a connection with a customer. Nobody's going to fire you for that, we're chill about it. That's how my brother met his partner after all."

"I… I don't — "

"I'm not saying you have to, like if you already have someone special you're also free to invite them over if you want 'cause you know Kwannie does that all — "

"I'm single!"

You blink at his abrupt outburst. "Okay. I wanted to make sure you're comfortable here. As long as you don't break my coffee machine, you can do what you want."

"I just," he runs a hand through his hair, "it's… it's nothing you have to worry about." 

Seokmin looks so devastatingly serious — almost upset — that your body moves before you realize it, playfully dispensing a dollop of whipped cream on the tip of his nose. It's comical how his eyes cross in confusion to stare at it in utter astonishment that you can't help but let out a tiny snort. 

He recovers from the shock faster than you think. Thumb scooping the cream off with lightning speed before he cradles your cheek and chin, smearing it across your bottom lip with a gentle swipe.

You've heard detailed stories from your friends, and even sickenly from your brother, about the legendary sparks that fly in moments with someone you deem special. But no one ever talks about the absolute stillness. How everything seems to fade away and it feels like it's just you and Seokmin in the world. In that moment.

Staring into his warm, dark-brown eyes that hold galaxies. Holding your breath when his gaze drifts down to watch how your tongue pokes out to lick up a tiny bit of the whipped cream. Right where his thumb hovers above your lips. How his eyes dart back up to yours, leaning in just a smidgeon before the sound of someone irritably clearing their throat shatters the spell.

"How quaint." 

You leap away from Seokmin's grasp, scowling at the new arrival who lazily adjusts his barely-tied tie, only causing it to look messier. Yet, it somehow makes the local populace drool over him even more.

"Yoon Jeonghan."

He laughs at the way you hiss his name, unfazed by your venomous tone. "That's now Professor Yoon to you, sweetcheeks."

"Gross. I doubt any students can take you seriously."

"Does Shua know his sibling isn't looking after the shop and customers but flirt — "

"Josh knows his place is well taken care of because I'm here, isn't that why you told him to take off?" You interrupt with a pointed tone, raising your eyebrows. "What do you want, the usual?"

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. "You're acting like their elopement was my idea."

"And it wasn't? Can't fool me, Mr. Yoon."

"Not always. But I'm not lying, it really wasn't me. You know Joshua is much more mischievous than he lets on."

"Yeah, tell me about it. He's had a bad influence ever since he was young."

"Ouch. Are you sure you're not talking about yourself?"

The cardboard coffee container is nearly crushed by your grip as you hand it to him. "If your conscience stings you must be feeling guilty, unlike me."

You hear a snort off to your side and side-eye where Seokmin is trying to hold back his laughter at the bantering while he fusses with another recipe. His cheeks are still flushed, ears adorably tinged red and you bite your lip.

"Ahem. Sometime today, preferably."

Jeonghan's additional cough snaps you out of your trance, glaring at your brother's best friend as if you weren't caught red-handed. Again.

"Here. Your order."

He delicately picks up the cup, a stark contrast to your aggressive movements. "Thank you, my dear barista. A one out of ten experience as usual."

If you could, you'd flip him off as he turns his back to leave like you normally do. But 'professional' times call for 'professional' behavior and you've already made a fool of yourself enough today. 

"Go ahead and post your opinion online as promised! Then you'll see how irrelevant it really is!"

That doesn't stop you from having the last word when the bell jingles and Jeonghan graciously responds with a middle finger once he's fully stepped out the door. A sigh of irritation escapes and you tap your nails irritably on top of the counter. Maybe you can speak to your friend Seungcheol in administration and find out how in the world that menace managed to get employed.

You don't actually dislike your brother's best friend. He just grates on every single one of the few nerves you have left.

Seokmin sidles up to you. "Hey, do you have some time tonight?"

"Why? Want to go over some more things?"

"That would be nice, yeah."

"Sure." You shrug in agreement. It's not like you had any big plans. "Let's see if we can survive through this mob first, though. Seems like classes have let out for common hour — oh, wait!"

He freezes, wide-eyed. It's your turn to grasp his sharp jawline in one hand, bringing his face closer to yours. Ignoring the way he nervously licks his lips and how his eyelashes flutter as he rapidly blinks, you take a napkin and wipe the sticky remnants of white still left on his nose.

"Sorry," you murmur, "you had… there was just… a little… "

"Thank you." Seokmin's hand covers yours pressed against his cheek before you can move away. You're forced to meet his gaze head-on, unable to look anywhere else. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"O-of c-course!" You curse yourself for stuttering like an idiot. "I m-mean I have to take care of you, what kind of person do you think I am?"

It's Seokmin's turn to take the first step back but he does it with a calmness that almost seems calculated if it weren't for his embarrassed giggle that sounds abnormal being two pitches higher than usual. Shamelessly he winks at you, pretending like the heat that's been burning in his cheeks hasn't spread down to even his arms.

"A very sweet one."

You try to hide your shy smile behind a frown, sarcasm, and the chatter of customers coming in. "Well, duh!"

Time flies when the coffee shop is bustling. The lines do not let up and somehow, Seokmin helps keep up decently without any terrible disasters befalling. Just as the sun begins to sink below the horizon and cast off the distinct glow of golden hour rays, you happily flip the 'closed' sign to display on the door. 

Stretching, the feelings of relief at the end of the day are briefly interrupted by Jeonghan walking by on his way home and you rightfully get your vindication. Two middle fingers and a big grin. Gestures he doesn't fail to kindly return.

Your neck prickles and warms slightly when you go back inside and find Seokmin grinning at you as he leans on the counter, forearms nicely on display. The frothy glass placed between them allows you to ogle his arms without it being too obvious.

"You like it, huh?"

"Huh? Like what?"

"Messing with Jeonghan." A playful smile is on his lips, almost a smirk like he knows. 

"Well, yeah. We've known each other since we've been in diapers so it's easy to give him crap."

"Ever had a crush on him?"

You put your hands on your hips. "What's this? Revenge for earlier?"

"Depends on what you're referring to." His eyes sparkle. "And maybe your answer."

"Why does this feel like a test?"

"Maybe it is."

"You're a piece of work!" You exclaim, eyebrows twitching at the next words that come out of his mouth. 

"As much work as Jeonghan?"

"No, Hannie's something else, for sure. Now, you… you're just… I don't know… difficult." 

"You wound me, you really do." Seokmin shakes his head with a smile. "All I did was ask a simple question but it seems like getting to the answer's more difficult than I am."

"What do you get out of knowing?"

"I don't know… wingman privileges?"

You choke on air. "Are you trying to set us up?"

"If that's what you want. Your answer, then?"

"No, thank you," you say emphatically with your entire chest and he beams.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" He gestures to one of the tables and you take a seat with a huff.

"You know I could cut your pay out of spite."

"Yeah, but you're not going to."

"You're right, as long as this drink isn't poisoned." You stare dubiously at the beverage placed in front of you and he whines.

"The last one wasn't that bad!"

"No, but… it wasn't good either. Oh? What's this?" 

Tonight, it's not just a drink Seokmin has whipped up. A pretty little fruit cake on a plate is accompanied by it and you poke it questioningly with the fork he also hands to you. 

"I made it."

"You did?" You eye it and poke it again. "Well, it's awfully squishy for something made out of plastic."

He whines again, this time your name. "I'm serious! Just try it."

You relent, of course. You've already established the terms ahead of time in case you get sick from something he's made. Not that you have, but it's always good to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

Gingerly, you take a tiny bite. Eyes unwittingly lighting up in enjoyment at the taste of one of your favorite sweets and the way the fluffy dessert melts on your tongue. Absolutely deli —

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Just say you bought it."

"Wha — ?"

"You can't fool me. Clearly this cake is store bought."

"I… " Seokmin tilts his head. "Okay, you got me… you enjoyed it though, right?"

"It's a very appreciated treat, thank you. Where did you buy it?"

"Um, got it from a local bakery. I think they just opened so I'm glad it tasted good."

"Oh, nearby?"

He twiddles with his thumbs. "Uh, p-perhaps I can take you…?"

It is at this moment you heavily weigh your options in a decision-making split second. Grabbing the drink you haven't touched yet, you gather up the confidence you didn't even know you could summon around him.

"A date?"

Seokmin's entire body twitches as he mildly chokes on his saliva. His downturned gaze shoots up to meet yours before returning to the very, incredibly, interesting mark on the table.

"Um…"

"Is it? Are you asking me on a date?"

"W-would you… g-go with me? I mean t-to the place."

You raise your glass in his direction, a smile growing on your lips. "I would like to meet the professional baker who made this cake… "

He bites his lip. "Are you teasing me?"

"Not necessarily."

"Then?"

"If your drink concoctions meet my expectations, then we can go… on a date?"

The poor man looks like he might die on the spot. "You're definitely making fun of me."

"Am not." Even with your mischievous banter, the answer is clear when you slightly grimace after taking a sip. "Why does this taste a bit off?"

"I don't know…"

"I think you added too much syrup. Did you remember to divide it evenly?"

He shrugs. "I think so?"

Sighing, you stand up and gesture for him to follow you around back. "Let's go over the basics again. I can't believe you're still so bad at this."

"Maybe I don't have a good teacher." Seokmin's hands fly up in defense when you whirl around. "I'm kind of over here struggling to wrap my head around if you're asking me out or if you're tricking me into thinking I asked you out."

"Use that lovely brain power of yours to retain the correct measurements this time to succeed. If you want to go on a date, that is."

"I'll do my best."

Seokmin's grand declaration is encouraging but every single fancy drink he prepares for you flops and you're starting to consider that maybe this was his subtle way to reject the date offer. You're mildly insulted, to say the least. But in all honesty, you don't have time to dwell on it, let alone even have time for one anyways.

It's a relief when Seungkwan returns, granting you some well-deserved days off to return to your normal routine. By the time you've finally caught up with things and find time to drop by the coffee shop again, it's been a little over a week. Joshua's flight landed the night before as well, meaning your dashing brother would be well within choking range soon.

Your best friend greets you at the front with a tight hug and large bag of souvenirs as promised. You ask him about his visit and he chats animatedly about the rest of the Boo family he hasn't seen since last year.

"You know I was worried that you didn't get any rest before coming to work but it seems like things are going smoothly."

The atmosphere is peaceful and quiet, the midday lull leaving the shop empty and Seugnkwan's as bubbly as ever. In fact, he rolls his eyes at you and clicks his tongue. 

"I got a ton of rest, silly. And Seok's a great help."

"Yeah, he's not too bad. I just feel bad that you have to manage everything as soon as you got back."

"Aw, you gotta chill out, bestie. Seriously, we have a pro on our hands."

"I know you're more than capable — "

"Not me, I'm talking about Seokmin obviously!"

"What?"

Seungkwan babbles on while you're left flabbergasted. "You know it's incredible, really. He's already whipped up a whole bunch of new drinks and now that we're going to be adding pastries to the menu, he wants to kickstart them by launching a holiday theme! Something fruity because — "

"Whoa, whoa… what are you even ta — "

"Spilling all of my trade secrets already, Kwan?"

You turn around at the voice but you're not even focused on the man speaking who's suddenly shrouded in mystery but glaring daggers at the one with his arm wrapped around Seokmin's shoulders. 

"Joshua Hong!"

"Behold!" Your brother raises his tanned arms to the ceiling. "We have acquired brand new bold and raw talent!"

"Don't think I won't kick your butt because there are people around!"

"Lovely to see you too, dear!"

Seungkwan rushes to hold you back when you take a threatening step towards his boss. "I understand your feelings but can we please call a truce for now!"

"I demand an explanation."

"Of course," Joshua nods, "you have my eternal gratification for various reasons but especially because you convinced the Lee Seokmin to come to the dark side."

"You know I want to hear about something else so what are you talking about, Kwannie picked him? And the 'dark side'? This isn't a cult!"

"Well, yeah but it wasn't until he found out that you — "

Seokmin interrupts Joshua with a hacking fit causing the two other men to look at him in concern. Your eyebrow twitches.

"Clearly there are many things going on that I don't understand." Whether it was intentional or not, you didn't like it.

"It's not like that, it's just — "

"Seokmin's the son of the family that owns that famous bakery in town," Seungkwan supplies helpfully, the only one with a tiny bit of common sense. "He's been scouted by tons of places since he decided to start out on his own but he's agreed to set up shop here."

Your mouth drops at this new information. "What?"

Joshua's arms wrap around the younger man's shoulders again. "Isn't this exciting? It's going to bolster our sales so much!"

When your eyes meet Seokmin's, he winces. "I wasn't trying to hide anyth — "

"If you didn't want to go on a date so bad, you could've just told me."

It slips out of your mouth before you can even think and everyone, including yourself, freezes. Realizing what you said, you swear under your breath, getting ready to bolt away from the scene immediately. But as usual, Seokmin's one step faster. He gently grabs your wrist, spinning you to face him again.

"I swear it was nothing like that! I…. I ended up delaying things because I was nervous."

"Why? There was — well, at least I thought — there was… I don't know… something between us?" Your other hand covers your face. "I can't believe you're making me say this in front of my brother and friend!"

He sucks in a harsh breath. "How do you think I feel? And I'm sorry, I didn't… I was just being stupid. I wanted to… liked spending more time with you but I was unsure of what Joshua might think of me."

"He could give two rats less about a single thing."

"True dat," your brother chimes in.

"You see how he runs this coffee shop… or rather the lack of. No responsibility."

"Hey!"

While Seungkwan hushes your brother, Seokmin takes both of your hands in his. "I'm sorry. Really. C-can I please make it up to you? Maybe o-over some cake and coffee? I'll explain whatever you want."

You chew on your lip, the warmth of his grip and pleading gaze causing you to rock back and forth on your heels. "Are you asking me on a date, Lee Seokmin?"

He catches onto your teasing tone and squeezes your hands. "If you'd be okay with that…"

—

Seokmin still is bad at making drinks. Even if he's improved and follows the recipe correctly, they still taste awfully bland. Neither you nor Joshua nor Seungkwan can figure it out but it's okay because that's where you come in. His grandiose ideas are brewed into fruition by your very own talents and that's why you stick around. 

Or perhaps the delicious little desserts and pastries prettily displayed on the counter are another motivation. Definitely getting to test-taste every single one before it's put on the menu is certainly a bonus. 

And maybe… just maybe… It's the smiley man whose kindness is baked into each one of the tasty treats that becomes the real reason you stop by every day. Just like how everybody comes for their daily fix of caffeine, you cannot go without your daily fix of love from and for your very own Lee Seokmin.

you start to throw your head back and slowly close your eyes enjoying the soothing silence. “okay, I'll close my eyes for ten minutes and then I'll look for a new book to read,” you mumble and say to yourself. but still five minutes in, the sound of footsteps and the creak of a chair being pulled makes you wake up but you keep your eyes closed. 

the smell of wood perfume spreads to your sense of smell. smelling it, feeling it, feel more comfortable to close your eyes and go to sleep. suddenly you think of one person who has the same distinctive smell. "haha, no way," you reassure yourself. "but what if it's really him?" your mind begin to fight with each other, fighting to convince yourself who wins.

you slowly open your eyes and return your head back to normal position. taking a few breaths but your heartbeat is getting faster, like you're getting ready to run a race.

you see a man sitting leaning against a bookshelf, carrying a book in his hand. he doesn't look forward, he just stares down at the book he's taking.

“who is that? i do not ever seen him before, is he a student in the next building? if so, why did he come all the way here?” your head is very noisy right now just because of her presence. you try your best to stop thinking about who she is, even try to divert your mind to a book that you read but all your efforts are in vain.

the sound of footsteps can be heard walking towards you, trying your hardest to look natural so that you won't be caught fighting with yourself.

"excuse me, can I sit here?" his heavy voice echoes throughout the room but feels soft to the ears. you just nodded your head in response without looking at him. "thanks," he replies.

you cleared your throat, “so, who are you?” no answer coming out from him. “are you a student here too?” your voice gets quieter at the end. your eyes try to steal a glance at him, as he smiles slightly. “yeah,” his eyes meet yours as the answer escaped his lips.

unconsciously you hands covered your mouth in surprise at his presence. “for god’s sake, jeon wonwoo??” slowly your right eye feels something dropping, a tear. tears of happiness, not sadness.

he close his book. “yeah, hai ? how’s life?” 

you smirk. “bad as you leaving.”

“is that bad?”

“guess by yourself.” 

he is laughing softly at there, put his books aside so he can get a little closer to you. “i’m sorry,” his hand slowly reaching yours, he move his thumb gently along your back of hand, trying to make you a little calmer. 

“i hate you,” you said with a bitter laugh. “where have you been?” his other hand tries to wipe away your tears, “yeah, you should guessed it yourself.”

you tilt your head, asking what’s the meaning in silence. “family issue,” he said. you gasp shocked, “don’t worry, I’m okay now.” you exhaling a sigh of relief is like releasing a burden that has been held for years and it turns into the biggest smile you ever do—after he leaving.

time flies so fast, it’s half past two in the afternoon, half an hour until your second session class starts and you have to rush to class. “Omg, i have to go now.”

he tilts his head, “where?”. your hands stop neatly arranging the book you’re reading and stare at him, “class. don’t you have any class today?” he shook his head, you rolls your eyes. “glad to hear that, take your time."

his hand gently pulls your hand when you are about to stand up, “what?” you gaze at him. wonwoo—who is pulls your hand—had no idea what is he doing right now, “can I go with you?” his eyes stare at you straight but pleadingly. 

you look him in the eye. “where?”

“your class?”

“no, you can’t jeon wonwoo.”

“why?”

you rolls your eyes. “my teacher would kill you.” 

his eyes opened wide after hearing your words. “if you want, you can wait for me here or in the indoor garden,” you trying to give him another options. 

“okay, I will wait you at the indoor garden.” he answering with full of enthusiasm.

he also stands up and packs up the books he picked up earlier. after he is done with it, his hand grasped yours gently, giving it a comforting touch.

you huffs, "you'll have to tell me everything, from when you left the house until now."

he grunted, "it's too much, I can't do it."

"I didn't say everything has to be told now did I?" you looks up at him and grinned then Wonwoo realized that immediately. he chuckled then patted your head lightly, "nice try."

you and wonwoo walked out of the library hand in hand with a little laughter, "come back tomorrow?" you ask.

"Yes, I'm always here." He answering with a very shady smile. "But I'd never see you," you mutter thoughtfully.

Wonwoo ruffles your hair playfully as he laughs, "That's because you're always sleeping."

realizing your cheeks and face were flushed, you quickly turned your face away from him then snorted in annoyance as if sulking and left him behind you. he yelled while catching up with you with his merry laughter.

you point your little finger in front of him, "promise not to leave me again?" he frowned, and didn't move.

from that moment onwards, wonwoo and you always met at the library and sometimes went home together.

"oh okay", just as you were about to pull your finger back, wonwoo linked his little finger to yours. "promise."