#sethvin

Seth and Allison:

If Seth had survived, I believe very firmly his relationship with Allison would have grown stronger. The fear of losing him pushing Allison toward him and the close encounter with death spurring Seth toward a new outlook on his life and what he wants to be remembered for.

(And as I say this, I will reiterate that I don't necessarily see this as a romantic relationship. It could be, it could not be. I'm a die hard Renison Truther, and therefore am writing this through that lense, but it can be applied in whatever sense.)

I love to think about Seth as getting more comfortable with himself. And, for me, that means unpacking a lot of issues with self-image, feelings of inferiority, and toxic masculinity. When Seth says, "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented" I saw that as a spark of a moment, a window into Seth's soul. He desperately wants to believe those words. Jury's out as to whether his self-worth actually allows him to believe it, but the important thing is he wants to. He's looking for people to care about him for him, regardless of his talent for Exy, regardless of his mistakes, regardless of his past. He wants someone to see his walls and take his anger and feel him pushing them away and care about him anyway.

That's Allison to him.

Whatever their issues, Allison loved Seth. She believed he could make something of himself, which is apparent in the way she talks about him after his death. She saw his desire to help others and be the person he needed. She tried to protect him, apparent in the way she checks him for drugs and tries to keep an eye on him, is proud of his efforts to stay clean, holds that last happiness close to her heart.

So, if Seth had lived. Their relationship would have flourished.

Seth getting dragged along to self-care spa days with Allison (and sometimes the other girls). Seth joining movie nights at the girls' dorm and sitting with them gossiping about everything and nothing. Seth being initially resistant to such things, writing them off as "girl stuff," before that resistance fades to feigned reluctance, fades to nonchalant enjoyment, fades to flat out enthusiasm.

Seth and Allison going to each other for advice on any number of topics, even if they know the other won't really know exactly what to say, but just wanting to talk out whatever issue they're facing with the other.

Seth and Renee, Dan, and Matt:

Seth growing closer to the rest of the foxes through Allison. It starts with Renee and Dan, with him often joining their girl time. (I love the concept of breaking down internalized misogyny/homophobia and building self-worth throught activities societally associated with femininity but which ultimately allow for strengthening interpersonal relationships and provide a healthy outlet for tension.) Seth's already friends with Matt, but grows closer to him and leans on him more readily, learning that trusting others and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Matt seeing that Seth still needs an outlet for aggression and teaching him to box.

Seth and Nicky:

The Monsters are harder. To everyone's suprise, it's Nicky he reaches out to first. Seth knows he needs to apologize, knows it's a huge step in building bridges and moving forward and forgiving himself as well). Allison is a massive motivator in this step, helping him figure out what to say and how to say it. He eventually works up the courage, approaching Nicky after practice one day and hesitantly asking to talk to him. Nicky agrees, partially because Nicky is Nicky and he is at heart a beautiful and caring person who's seen the work Seth is putting into himself and partially because he's never before seen Seth so... meek. Andrew refuses to leave Nicky alone with Seth, even at Nicky's reassurance. (He sits on a chair across the lounge and picks at his nails, the picture of nonchalance but both Seth and Nicky know he has his two fingertips on a knife.) Seth is on the verge of tears (another electric shock to Nicky's system) as he apologizes for all of his violence and cruelty, as he explains that it was never really about Nicky, but rather a product of self-hatred and denial, as he admits that he knows a reason is different from an excuse and that nothing could ever excuse his treatment of Nicky.

After his speech, they're both quiet. Realistically it was probably only like thirty seconds but to Seth it felt like a lifetime. Then, Nicky steps forward, carefully but surely, and wraps Seth in a hug. Seth is frozen at first, having expected a punch to the jaw or a knee in the gut or a slew of curses or even just cold indifference, but never acceptance, never kindness, never gentleness. Eventually he melts into Nicky and hugs back. When the separate, Nicky smiles and says, "I'll still kick your ass on the court if necessary." Seth lets out a suprised laugh. "I don't doubt it."

Seth and Aaron:

After that, it's relatively easy to get Aaron on board, mostly because Aaron's biggest issue with Seth was always Seth's treatment of Nicky.

Seth and Andrew:

Andrew, having witnessed his apology to Nicky firsthand, settles on treating Seth the same as he treats the other foxes: with an outward apathy hiding genuine care. He is never close to Seth, not like some of the others grow to be, but he eventually includes Seth in his assessment, protection, and regard of the family the foxes have built for themselves.

Seth and Neil:

I like to think post-series Neil opens up and we get to see more of his raccoon-on-cocaine-like personality, including a certain level of extrovertedness. In that way, I think he would get along with new and improved Seth. Without the constant anger and violent tendencies that put survivalist Neil on defense mode, Neil grows to feel about Seth similarly to how he feels about Matt. The three of them are bros, don't argue with me.

Seth and Kevin:

Kevin. Oh boy. For those of you who can't tell from my likes and the way I consume social media AUs, especially those with Sethvin/Kevseth elements, I'm obsessed with the interpretation of their animosity as unexplored sexual tension with no outlet due to intense self-denial and internalized homophobia. Either way it's framed, I do think it would take the longest for Kevin and Seth to see eye to eye, and I think there would always be a level of tension and disagreement (though the disagreements are less fights and more pouty spats that end in grumbled apologies and compromise rather than bruised knuckles and broken noses).

Throughout the series, there are really very few people who truly view Kevin without the lens of 'Kevin Day, Son of Exy.' Eventually he gets that from the foxes, yes, but there's always some baggage associated. There's just history with a lot of them that follows their relationship, even if it doesn't keep them from being close. With Seth, however, (and also Allison honestly) there's a clarity. Yes, there's an acknowledgement of Kevin as Kevin Day, obvious in Seth's former vitriol, but Seth has always been so against treating Kevin with any kind of specialness that it kind of ends with Seth being one of the few people to treat him like... normally? I guess? I don't really know how to explain it.

Like from the outset, Seth was like "Oh you're Kevin Day??? Whatever you absolute fuck, I don't give a shit who your mama is, put your hands up." That attitude, though less agressive and confrontational, persists even after Seth is New and Improved. Seth treats Kevin with particular scruntiny and contrariness becaue he's Kevin Day, but that ends up ultimately kind of cancelling out and resulting in a strange sort of normality Kevin finds weirdly refreshing, confusing, and intriguing.

Seth and the Adults:

Seth needs parental figures. He needs to be a kid, even at 22-23, in the sense that kids should have a safe place in their parents. To be fair, all of the foxes need this as all of their parents suck (I exclude Stephanie Walker and Randy Boyd from this statement those absolute queens as well as our dear David Wymack obvi).

Wymack and Abby are parental figures for all of the foxes. Seth needs some of that. Gib it to 'im. And give me Seth letting people take care of him and worry about him and discipline him for his mistakes because they care and want him to be safe and healthy rather than just letting him do whatever self-destructive thing he decides to and ignoring it (him).

I also want him to see Bee. Because therapy. Therapy is good. Seth is very resistant to therapy at first, but goes because Allison says it would be good for him. When he comes back after the first appointment, he's angry. He yells at Allison that he's never going again and slams his door in her face. Allison doesn't give up on him (because she never does) and Seth says sorry (because he's learning to apologize) and she asks him very gently to go back to Bee and he does.

And eventually he goes not for Allison but because Bee is very sweet and gives him cocoa with extra whipped cream sprinkled with cinnamon and a peppermint stick because Seth has a sweet tooth he rarely indulges and the cocoa makes him feel all warm and syrupy inside like Alabama summers and he curls up on the couch in Bee's office with his feet tucked under him as he works through whatever it is he needs to.

Conlusions:

The tragedy of Seth's death is the lost potential. I mean that in terms of Seth as an individual and in terms of his relationships with other people.

Seth wanted to go to grad school. Seth wanted to be a social worker. Seth wanted to help people. Seth wanted to be the person he needed. Seth wanted to be with Allison. Seth wanted to play Exy. Seth wanted to play Exy well. Seth was a tenor. Seth had six brothers and a mom he never got to reconnect with. Seth had people who cared about him and wanted him to succeed. Seth was staying clean and turning over a new leaf and finding things to strive for. Seth was finding things to live for.

The best characterization we get of Seth is through his relationship with Allison. I love to think of how that relationship, their comfort with and respect for each other, could have grown and spread and been beautiful. Because it was beautiful, but it was cut short.

Anyway that's a lot of rambling that probably doesn't mean much to anyone but I just had to get these thoughts out so I could do productive things like clean my room and apply for jobs. I'm not even gonna edit this shit I'm just venting.

I'm also thinking of joining the social media AU trend to get some of these Thoughts and Feelings out but how could I ever measure up to the majesty of @codename-adler and @ninyard and @falafels and the many others who will go down in history as some of the greatest minds of the 21st century. So we'll see if that ever happens or if I ever share em if they are in fact created.