I think what made me love TOBS is how they redefined the 'glow-up' and what love should be about. In this essay, I suggest you buckle your seatbelts lads because this'll be a long rant :)
When we look at the way a woman becomes desirable, it's usually the result of a physical transformation: wardrobe change (from comfy, standard clothes to trending and revealing clothes), a drastic weight loss, excessive makeup, the removal of one's glasses, and the abandonment of all intellectual passion; all to be socially acceptable and worthy of attention. Most of all (and what annoys me the most): the concept that being a nerd or an introvert makes you unattractive and lame.
Let's use Penelope's glow-up from Bridgerton as a momentary comparison. (spoilers if you haven't finished season 3 - skip this part)
As we know, throughout seasons 1-3 (and then some in 4), Penelope is the one and only, Lady Whistledown.
Penelope is arguably one of the most powerful women of the ton; even the Queen, the traditional symbol of power, is eager to have a say in this unconventional power. Penelope moves the masses, operates on her own and can destroy reputations with a flick of her pen. She knows what the ton cares about, and plays with this knowledge. Status, money and reputation is what they care about - and the gossip is what defines society, who is what, who do we want to be around, who we tolerate, and who do we socially exile.
It takes a lot of emotional and street intelligence to be able to coordination such operations in the darkness. She is a force to be reckoned with.
Now, hereâs the bone I have to pick:
When she wants to find a husband, she comes out of the shadows, changes her wardrobe and officially puts herself out in society. I will say that yes, this is how it was done, she arguably looks so much better in the colors from season 3 than 1-2 ; thatâs fine, actually.
My issue comes from two other aspects : the makeup and personality.
Thereâs a lot that can come out of a change of color in the wardrobe - which was done, as previously mentioned. If you look at Nicola Coughlan, Penelopeâs actress, she is gorgeous. The colors on their own do a tremendous job in bringing out her features.
However, when you add a 21st century makeover you lose the value of Penelope coming out of her shell.
Hereâs the message I get from this: for a woman who identifies with Penelope or some of her traits, itâll be impossible for her to be worthy of attention because sheâll need a transformation from a future century⌠make it make sense.
Also, heads turn because she is becomes conventionally beautiful (ok, fair enough); and thatâs when Colin âfalls in love with herâ⌠Iâm going to hold your hand when I say this: thatâs not love, IT'S LUST.
Colin likes her because she gained societal value and would look good on his arm, not because she is witty, smart, a good way to challenge his intellect AND a gorgeous woman.
(Let me make myself clear, I am not saying a woman shouldn't be loved because she is beautiful, my point is that I'm tired of it being the only reason a woman is given the attention she deserves).
Obviously, the shallow men will see her as a lust object, but that shouldnât be the case of the male lead, the main love interest. Heâs supposed to stand out from the others, to love for her every angle, her intellect, the details that make her charming, her laugh, her flaws, her passions.
I also felt like Penelope's personality shifted towards wanting to be loved by Colin, especially after the LW reveal. Certainly, that reveal is very nuanced, but it felt like Colin was just jealous that his wife was more successful than him... They missed out on the best yearning opportunity of the season: he is upset at her, but a piece of him knows he cannot be like this forever because he truly, deeply, loves her.
Let's talk about The Other Bennet Sister, shall we?
TOBS showed us what a true glow-up is - and that is what I love about it:
When Mary is with her family, especially when her mother is around, you feel like she's a shadow, an afterthought, a means of comparison to make her sisters shine. That environment tears her down: every time she brings forth a new idea, or experiments with an interest, she gets berated and ridiculed. For instance, we see this when she decided to try being an intellectual and her mannerisms change; her sisters quickly catch on and make fun of her. Also, when you look at her outfits, they emphasize her being a shadow; they don't fit into what is Ă la mode and do nothing to enhance her features. Because of that, Mary does not actually know who she is.
The second she gets pulled out of that atmosphere, she makes her own decisions. Being with the Gardiner's, who encourage her to take risks, make mistakes, explore new environments and discover what she likes, Mary starts glowing.
The viewer can discern her change of demeanor and properly see the contrast when her mom comes to visit: Mary folds back onto herself, loses all her confidence, and tries fitting into the tight mold her mother set for her. Her presence is a looming darkness that takes up all the space and suffocates Mary's light.
Now, what I love about Mary's glow-up, is that she never changes who she fundamentally is, no matter what; and when she does, it feel uncomfortable, so she goes back to her true, authentic self. The glow-up feels realistic, well paced and not a sudden 180 from the character's personality. When the love interests come along, they are interested in Mary as a whole - and she just keeps living her life. They are interested by this woman who has her head held up high, who can hold an intellectual conversation and is fun to be around.
What's also refreshing, is that her feelings for either men is progressive. There are subtle hints of attraction, but mostly, the focus in drawn to them as people, not singular, desirable traits.
Though, I must say, when you compare Mr. Hayward and Mr. Ryder, Mr. Hayward's chemistry with Mary is the most striking - because he is like her. He has his own awkwardness, he had to work hard to get where he was, and he too, liked to push his curiosity. They compliment each other in a smoother manner.
When we think about a well balanced couple, we tend to think about opposites attract. This is still the case here: both men are opposite to Mary but in vastly different ways :
Mr, Ryder is opposite Mary in a clashing sense, like a wave hitting a cliff.
Mr. Hayward is opposite Mary in a smoother manner, like the tide washing onto the shore.
Mr. Hayward and Mary Bennet are on the same wavelength, they just have different interests. This way, they complement each other, because they can forever keep learning from one another, and that is something they both like to do. They love to learn, and what better way to do it, than with the person you love?
However, for Mary to meet Tom, she had to get out of the bubble predetermined by her mother, and find her own way. Her glow-up lead to her finding love, because she was true to herself and was unapologetic about it.
(and all of this is noticeable, of course, thanks to Ella Bruccoleri's performance, she is exceptional!)
To conclude this lengthy rant: You need to nerd out. Do what you love, and you will find all kinds of love along the way. I hope whoever reads this knows that they do not have to dim their light to please people's expectations.
Finally, I would like to reiterate what a wonderful teacher once told me (in french): Quand on est passionnĂŠ, on devient passionnant; which translates to: When you are passionate, you become fascinating. (I shall leave you all the ponder on that hihi)
Iâd love to hear your opinions and if there are points you agree or disagree with because I would be delighted to debate :))
(I also hope this made sense, it's late and I've been staring at it for too long)
