#selfissues

They were playing basketball together that afternoon,the former Generation of Miracles and some of their new teammates together. Itwas just an abandoned court in a deserted park, but for them if there was aball it was enough. They were having small three-on-threes, just goofing aroundand fueling their already competitive selves.

Akashi had taken a break and was seated at the border,drinking water from a bottle Momoi had kindly brought him. His red eyes were focusedon the match in front of him. Midorima, Takao and Teppei against Kise, Kasamatsuand Kagami.

Every single time Takao passed the ball to Midorima, asting hit his heart and his lips twitched.

Was it guilt? Maybe seeing how well they were playingtogether he was regretting how he treated him during middle school even if theywere friends. Because they were friends, right? At this thought, he felt painagain. No, no… there was something more. He felt restless looking at them; hecouldn’t stop thinking that his own passes would have been better for Midorima.He knew Midorima better, he played with him better. So, why was he playing likethat with Takao? He seemed to…enjoy himself.

Akashi sighed deeply, resting his head against theknees. He didn’t understand his own train of thoughts, what was wrong withhimself? Being blunt, he knew that after all it was his fault. He was the onewho had become a dictator instead of a trustworthy playmaker. He was the onewho had cut their bonds and destroyed them. He was the one had been unable toconnect with them. What did he expected? That everything were just going toturn out the way he wanted? Well, yes he had believed it, but only because hehadn’t still learnt that he could fail too, that he wasn’t perfect and invincibleas he’d believed. Now he knew and it sucked.

Or maybe it was the way Takao could manage being comfortableand touchy with Midorima. Was he jealous of their friendship because he’d neverbeen able to be that intimate with him? Because he had never had that type ofplayful and easy relationship with anyone? Was he feeling lonely? But then whyit was only with Midorima? He wasn’t bothered by Kuroko and Kagami. Maybe,again, it was because he had been Midorima’s friend but not like that, and nowhe was regretting it. Or not? He didn’t know anymore.

“Akashi, is everything alright?” Akashi blinked at thevoice, considering if he had gone mad another time or what, but raising his eyes,he found Midorima in front of him. He was so caught up in himself he hadn’teven noticed the guys had finished the match.

“Just a bit tired, Midorima.” Answered politely,swallowing his exasperated confusion and showing a faint smile.

“You shouldn’t stay under the sun if you don’t feelwell.” Midorima observed fixing his glasses, sweat running down his skin.

“Maybe I’m going to move under the shade, then.” Akashicomplied quietly, trying to stand up. Only in that moment, it hit him thatmaybe Midorima was really right and he had spent too much time under the sun,because he staggered and the other boy had to catch him by the arm to preventhim from falling.

“Thank you.” He muttered, a turmoil burst in his headfeeling Midorima’s fingers touching his bare skin.

“Are you alright?” Midorima was now worried for realand didn’t let him go.

“I am, or at least I think.” Akashi replied. A lie. Hewas so confused about his thoughts, feelings and emotions he wasn’t able tothink clearly. Maybe he was getting sick and those were just the symptoms.

Midorima growled, annoyed by his stupid habit ofalways faking to be okay, to not rely on anyone.

“Is the Emperor alright?” Takao appeared suddenly formbehind Midorima and leaned playfully against his friend’s shoulder, tilting hishead curiously towards the red-haired boy.

Akashi, at the sight, shuddered without motives andfelt his throat closing. He had to besick.

“He’s not.” Midorima cut him before he could lieagain, “I’m going to bring him to the bench under that tree and then I’ll comeback.” he explained, passing an arm around his waist and putting Akashi’s oneon his own shoulders; the boy tried to protest, but he shut him with a glareand began walking.

“I’m sorry to bother you.” Finally, Akashi admitted,feeling humiliated about being seen that weak.

“It bothers me more that you always lie, even when it’sclear you aren’t fine. You always have to do everything by yourself, don’t you?”the accusation in his words sank in Akashi like a sharp knife and he kept quietuntil they reached the bench.

Midorima was right, completely right. It was his fault.Then why he couldn’t accept it?

“Midorima,” Akashi didn’t even realize he was reallytalking, while the other helped him to seat on the bench and straightened, “Areyou free this week? I would like to play chess with you again.” He offered witha timid, unsure smile while cursing himself internally.

Midorima stopped, widening his eyes a bit, and lookedat the other boy who stared at him with a sort of uneasiness in his red eyesfrom below. He had forgotten those human, expressive sides of Akashi, whoreally seemed to look forward his answer. However, he felt lost. It was sudden.It seemed a too important and at the same time completely trivial question. Midorimafelt both uneasy and excited by the offer. After all that time, he still didn’tknow why he couldn’t cut his ties with Akashi. What he truly wanted from him.

“This week I have to train with Takao,” replied in theend, fixing his glasses nervously and Akashi’s heart sank withering, “But in theweekend I can spare some time to come and play with you.” He added before turningstiffly and walking toward the group, where Takao was gesturing him to come.

Akashi should have been happy, looking at his backwalking away, to have received an opportunity. He knew he didn’t deserved itand yet he’d said yes, he’d given him the chance to start again. But his mindwas filled with only one, unexplainable, throbbing thought that ate all thefaint relief.