Why I haven’t made a post about this yet, I’m not sure. I have my top surgery tomorrow morning (12/12). I’m both nervous and excited.
It’s sort of surreal that it’s actually happening - that it’s finally happening. I can’t describe how happy I am that this is happening but there’s a bitter sweetness to it. Since puberty I’ve had these chesticles and it’s been a long journey with them. Now, after working my butt off to save up in order to afford the surgery (still have hospital portion to pay for), they’re finally gonna be gone. It’s what I want, no doubt about that, but they’ve been around so long I think I might actually miss them for a short while. Maybe. Did anyone else feel like that after their surgery?? It also feels like it all came about so fast. I know I’ve been saving since last year but the past couple of months have flown by. The past 2 wks especially!
Anyway, I just wanted to vent that relief while the feeling was still fresh. Now to act like my excitement isn’t going to keep me awake knowing I have to be at the hospital at 8:30a.
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“Finally,” Kara exclaimed as her head hit her pillow.
With a laugh, “You know, I would think you’d appreciate a change in your routine after the summer you’ve had,” Alex wondered aloud as she watched her sister sprawl out on the bed.
Kara took a calming breath before answering. “Honestly, I’m just ready to graduate. Between my Supergirl duties and Catco I have enough on my plate. Not to mention maintaining a social life!”
Alex threw on her jacket and made her way to leave Kara’s apartment. “I’m going to be late for my meeting with J’onn if I hang around here much longer.” Calling out over her shoulder, “Call me so we can set up a sister date. Love you. Stay out of trouble,” she shouted before the door shut behind her.
Kara blankly stared up at her ceiling not having any other plans for the day. The DEO was nice enough to give her the day off seeing as classes started back up on Monday. For the first time in months, she found herself actually having a lazy Sunday and didn’t like it.
It was still early enough that the day was her's to spend how she pleased. She could call James or Winn to make plans. Or she could clean up the apartment a little. Or go for a walk. Maybe fly around National City for a while. Before she could decide what her next move would be, the silence of her otherwise empty loft apartment was broken by the sounds of her rumbling stomach.
“Food,” Kara said to herself with a sly grin. Peering over at her alarm clock, it was a little after one o’clock. Which meant it had only been an hour or so since her lunch date with Alex.
Flying to the kitchen Kara rummaged through her fridge for anything edible. Seeing as she spent most of her time at the DEO or at Alex’s over the past few months her food supply was lacking. There were bits and pieces but nothing to make a complete meal. Bread but no sandwich meat. Chicken sausages but no buns or sides worth pairing them with. Cereal but no milk; plenty of juice though.
Kara groaned at the idea of having to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. The last time this happened, she nearly left the store with three baskets full of groceries. Pulling her boots back on Kara got ready to make this unfortunately necessary grocery run.
“Hey Eliza! Is everything ok?”
“Everything’s fine sweetheart. I just wanted to call you while I had a moment. Are you busy?"
Kara adjusted the groceries she was juggling in her hands, “No. Now’s good.” Maybe talking to her adoptive mother would keep her from buying more than she needed.
“Well, I didn’t want anything in particular. I was just calling the way I have since you moved to National City. This may be the last time I can make this ‘Before School Starts’ call,” Eliza said with a sniffle.
Leaning against her cart, “Are you going to cry,” Kara gently teased to lighten the mood.
“You’re just growing up so fast,” Eliza declared; definitely crying. “It feels like yesterday you were brought into our lives and now you’re a senior in college. Where does the time go?”
“And I can’t thank you enough for welcoming me into your family.” Kara was aimlessly walking around the store not paying attention to where she was going, or what she was doing. There were way too many people in the store but that was to be expected at this hour on a Sunday. “I know I haven’t been home in a while, but Thanksgiving isn’t too far— Sorry,” Kara shouted.
Distracted by her hunger and Eliza’s phone call, Kara accidentally rammed her cart into the heels of another woman. The brunette spun around with a scowl on her face.
“Eliza, I’ll have to call you back,” Kara rushed to say before the woman could yell at her. She hung up the phone without another word before apologizing again.
“Next time watch where you’re going,” the brunette warned as she rubbed the back of her right ankle.
Grasping the back of her neck, “Uh—yeah. Definitely,” Kara stammered. “Again, I’m really sorry about that. I’m just so hungry I’m not thinking straight. I need to get out of here before I spend my entire check on food,” she rambled on with a chuckle.
For some reason the young woman in front of her looked familiar. She couldn’t place where she had seen her before. Maybe she had saved the brunette as Supergirl, but Kara remembered every single person she had ever personally saved so that couldn’t be it.
The brunette looked down at Kara’s cart and stared at it with wide eyes. “Quite the appetite you have then,” she said as she motioned at the contents of the basket. “Looks as though you’re attempting to feed an entire football team,” she added, a laugh escaping her lips in the process. She had no idea who this gorgeous blonde was, but she suddenly wasn’t as upset at being hit with a cart.
“High metabolism and I haven’t eaten in a while,” Kara said as if that explained everything perfectly. Reaching out her hand, “Kara by the way,” she said in way of late introduction.
The woman looked almost hesitant but shook Kara’s outstretched hand anyway. Being such a high-profile citizen of National City there was no way this rambling blonde had no idea who she was; or was there? “Katie,” the woman lied, going out on a limb and guessing Kara really didn’t know who she was.
“Well, Katie, it was nice to meet you. And again, I’m really sorry for running into you like that.”
Smirking, “Don’t worry about it,” she said, smiling a genuine smile. “I should let you go feed that football team,” she added nodding towards Kara's cart.
Kara gave her a confused expression, “Oh, yea. The football team,” she laughed nervously. Kara couldn't deny it, there was something about Katie that drew her in. Normally she could function around attractive women but the brunette threw her off her game entirely.
Katie walked away only looking back once at the blonde seemingly stuck in place. If she could repeat her encounter with Kara over and over she would. Being hit with a basket was preferable to the glares and looks people were throwing her way while she shopped. This was an encounter that surely wouldn’t be forgotten any time soon.
.....
There’s more where that came from over on Ao3. The remainder of this chapter and nine more after that. I typically update every Tuesday but sometimes life gets in the way.
It’s a story about college-aged Kara and Lena. Kara is trying to handle her senior year at NCU, covering her Supergirl duties, while juggling being an intern/working at CatCo. Lena is trying to finish her graduate research while living life as a Luthor (she just needs a hug). They’re both just living their lives when aliens start disappearing. Kara is tasked with figuring it all out, but how is Lena connected to all this? You’ll just have to read to find out.
Fair warning, there’s a bit of slow burn but it’ll all be worth it. There’s a little fluff wrapped up in angst as well. It’s just...I’m enjoying writing this; I’ll leave it at that lol.
Here’s the link!
Pass it on, tell a friend, leave a comment. Or don’t, that’s cool too! :)
For some reason I’m extremely tired, like fatigued levels of tired. I didn’t realize my sister was on the phone when I opened her door to ask a question; I just started talking. The chick she was on the phone w/ said, “who’s that dude in the background?”
My sister responded w/, “oh, that’s just my brother.”
Internally I had the dopeyest grin on my face lol. The girl my sister was talking to knows I’m trans and I guess she forgot or something. Either way it felt good. My voice is deepening!!!!!!!!
Somehow I lucked up and I take my T shots every Tuesday so it’s Testosterone Tuesdays! I even have my family saying it now lol.
Today I did my 5th shot which makes me one month on T. Because I was late posting to this blog I wasn’t able to make a post about my pre-T feelings and observations. I’ll try to do the best I can with that here:
Pre-T
I was already a tad hairy. My arms, legs, something a little darker than a peach fuzz on my chest and stomach, so hair growth, while I’m not ecstatic about it, I’m ok with it. I can imagine the hair I already have getting darker and maybe a little thicker but geez I hope not by much lol. I also had sporadic dark hair that grew in on my chin and occasionally in my side burns. What else...
My voice was on the higher side, but not Mickey Mouse high. To me (how I sounded to myself) it always sounded average. Since I occasionally do voice recording work, I know that to not be entirely true lol. I’m excited to see how my voice changes over the next year or so.
Hair growth, voice, what’s next. Oh, my skin was never super oily before T. I had more of a combination skin type on my face. On a slightly different note, I wasn’t super active Pre-T. I played sports and spent a ton of time outside growing up. Pretty much after high school that all stopped. I didn’t like my body (first puberty reasons; I was a late bloomer) and I didn’t like myself. I didn’t know why I was so miserable with myself until recently. Because of that misery, I stopped taking care of myself and put on a bunch of weight. Thankfully that has now started changing because I’m starting to like me and I want to take care of myself.
One Month on T
Now that I’m 1 month on T, the things I’ve noticed thus far:
It honestly hasn’t been a whole lot. I take my shots weekly so there are a few things I’m starting to notice right after my shots and when it gets close to my next. For instance, not long after my shot I feel like I have a lot of energy, then I get super tired. Not sure if that’s a me thing or a T thing.
My body hair growth hasn’t changed. Like I mentioned above, I was already pretty hairy. My skin has gotten super oily which I’m sure all trans guys or nonbinary folx taking T can understand. I’m 24 and I haven’t had to worry about breakouts since I was like 18/19. The occasional pimple every now and then but nothing crazy. Now I have to relearn a skin care routine because if I go a day without cleaning my face properly I have tiny pimples in various places the next day.
My voice has been fun lol. The day after my first shot my throat immediately hurt. It was kind of a scratchy sore throat kind of thing. I was thinking I was coming down with a summer cold or something (I get sick a lot) but it was just the beginnings of my voice changing. I’ve sounded like I’m hoarse at varying degrees since that day. I have noticed a drop in my voice, especially when I’m talking to people I don’t know. I have no idea why that is but I think it’s just a weird thing I’m subconsciously doing. One of my mom’s friends even commented and said she’s noticed a change in my voice so that’s cool! Oh, and about 2 weekends ago, it was a Sunday, my voice had completely gone out; I was all squeaks lol. It was just for the day but I thought it was worth mentioning.
I know some folx on T talk about an increased appetite. For me, the first week or two it was DEFINITELY like that. I was eating everything in sight. The past few weeks have me the exact opposite. I haven’t had much of an appetite and have to remind myself to eat. It’s actually weird because I’ve been working out more and I’m wondering why I’m not starving after a good workout session. I’m wondering if this is going to change or not; like, level out or something.
Mentioning working out, I have noticed that I smell different. I’ll admit, I was skeptical that my smell would change but I’ll admit I was wrong. First things first, I hope this isn’t TMI, but my pee definitely smells different. I read up a little on how T leaves your body and you secrete it mostly through your urine. So that explains why that smell changed. When I sweat I’ve noticed that smell has changed as well; so far it’s been a subtle change. I should probably mention I didn’t start to notice my smell changing until week two or three.
I’m sure someone is wondering about bottom growth and what not. I’m not super comfortable talking about it, but I’ll mention as much as I’m ok with. After my first shot I noticed I was hornier than I usually am. My sex drive isn’t over the top. I’d say it’s pretty average, but T certain did it increase from where I already was. As far as growth goes, I felt this sort of tingle all throughout my first week. I would definitely say things started growing that same week. I only really notice that tingling sensation for the first few days after my shot. I have noticed an increase in sensitivity down yonder. Every so often just sitting with my thighs pressed together (I have thick thighs so this is pretty much an always thing lol) or I sat down to hard, or too fast for things to adjust, it can hurt a little. Not anything excruciating but just enough to get my attention and change positions.
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As of last Monday my name has been officially changed!!! It took roughly 5wks for the whole name change process but it is now complete. Went to the courthouse yesterday and got extra copies of the letter to start sending them out places.
My therapist has given me this unofficial list of all the places I’ll need to send letters to get new documents. ID, birth certificate, SSA; stuff like that. The hard part is that there’s a new thing in the state I live in where you have to petition the court to have your gender change recognized by the government (or something like that). It’s called the Petition for Change of Sex; you may have to fill out an Order too. I haven’t gotten around to doing this because the whole thing cost $100 and there’s a hearing involved 🙄.
So I’m starting w/my driver’s license. My therapist helped me fill out the form to have my gender marker changed on my ID. I sent that in today. This way when I go into the DMV I only have to pay the $20 to get a new ID w/my new name and I can get the gender designation changed at the same time instead of going in there twice.
Because my birth certificate will be done w/that petition I’ll worry about that when I get there. SSA will be after my ID. Once I get my new ID I can update name info pretty much everywhere.
I totally meant to type this out and post it before my journey began but life and situations happened that distracted me from doing so.
Well anyway, Hi everybody! My name is Cameron and this is my sideblog specifically for my transition. A bit about me, I’m an ftm trans guy. I publicly came out a few months ago. Over the course of the past year and a half I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and had been questioning my gender. Thanks to being in therapy I’ve been able to work out a lot of the things I’ve been experiencing for a huge portion of my life.
My Medical and Legal transition both started July 10, 2018. As far as my Social transition I can’t really pinpoint an exact time. If I’m to gauge it based on when I came out PUBLICLY then i believe that’s June 28, 2018. If I’m basing it off of when I first started talking to people in my life about what I was going through then it was early 2017; like January.
I’m mostly doing this to document my own journey. To have something to look back at when I have bad days. I’ve found that it helps me to be able to look back and see how far I’ve come. It’s sort of a self-validation. I’m going to be using self-tag (in the tags) as a short handle to find all of my personal posts in case anyone else is interested.
