#self-deprication

Recovering whumpees who get so frustrated at the fact that they can’t do something, that they have to be not-so-kindly reminded that their leg was literally reconstructed* so maybe lay off the self-deprecating talk for a moment.

Chapter 2: Which Leads to a Small Breakdown

I'm a day late, was too exhausted yesterday, but please enjoy Janus having a bit of a crisis after his talk with Logan 😅 @loceit-week

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Summary: During one of the usual games of chess, Logan asks Janus for help with something unusual for him. Janus agrees, but maybe he just dug his own grave…

Content Warnings: Self-Deprication, Pining

~~*~~

Janus returns to his room after his game with Logan and takes a deep breath. Then he starts freaking out just a little bit.

Why had he just agreed to that??

He is the side to hoard secrets; his techniques should remain his! He had no reason to say yes; he’s not gaining anything from this!

On the contrary, this is detrimental to his own interests!

It snuck up on him over the last few weeks of his new arrangement with Logan to play a round of chess every once in a while, a compromise they reached to make sure that Logan takes breaks from his work and to satisfy Patton’s wishes for his famILY to get along. At first it had been a pleasant enough way to pass the time, a game that was not complete chaos (because Janus was used to playing with Remus), but it slowly evolved into him appreciating Logan’s company more and more.

Which had led to him developing a bit of a crush.

And now he had agreed to help his crush learn how to flirt with someone else!? Why had he done that?!?

…

He has to calm down.

summer is the time when the sun sets late it kisses the soft waves with its golden rays at 10pm

I set with the sun and regret it every morning I didn’t see the moon because I was diving,  diving after the rays of the setting sun in my blankets

the moon is just as special as the sun, but fewer appreciate it.

the Earth revolves around the sun, all of our lives are centered around it 

the earth does not revolve around the moon, but she revolves around us 

she looks down at us,  she watches over us when we sleep, when we’re the most vulnerable, but she spreads less joy,  she’s always in the shadow of the bright sun. 

i suppose i put all of my hopes of happiness on them with the false wish of being able to trust them, only to fall flat and be disappointed

I think comments like that could help the team in two ways. One, they could laugh them off, together. And by that I don’t mean Tony wouldn’t feel honest guilt (it’s Tony, his guilt issues have issues) but because in a life like theirs you have to be able to laugh it off and move on, that’s the only thing you can do. And they get that. It could help them share this sense of understanding. And through that better relate to Tony.

Then there’s the possibility that they really hear the self-deprecation and realise  how much the self-blame is wearing Tony down. Now whilst that realisation might range from a slap in the face to a confirmation of something they’ve already known (depending their relationship with Tony, their attentiveness etc), understanding doesn’t mean they know how to fix it. Emotionally and mentally stable isn’t exactly part of the usual Avengers’ profile.

So, since comforting isn’t their strength - and this isn’t the sort of problem that’s quickly resolved by a single word of reassurance anyways - they’ll go with distraction. Distracting by teasing Tony about something silly he’s guaranteed to be embarrassed by. Distracting him by sharing their own failures. Distracting by saying something nice to him. Distracting him by talking about the latest crazy shit that’s happened to them.

(Yes, I headcanon that they all have Avoidance issues with a capital ‘A’.)

It takes one thing to trigger my mind into a spiral of over-thinking, and self-hate. One glance at my leg when it looks wrong to me, or even seeing one of my insanely beautiful friends who I just cannot compare to. I am the peasant to their Goddess.

I’ll never be good enough for anyone else, but I can probably live with that