#self perception issues

y’know what? i’m curious. i have body dysphoria. i am DFAB, i have a perfectly healthy female reproduction system, and i do not want it. at all. but i don’t want to appear DMAB, either. the thought is cringe-worthy to me. originally, i wanted to completely remove anything that made me female. i wanted to remove my breasts. i wanted to remove my uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, vagina, basically everything besides the clit. i wanted them surgically gone. I was very INTENSE about wanting them gone. if you had given me a no-charge close-to-no-risk opportunity to get it all done, i would have gone for it in a heartbeat. i would have absolutely begged my parents to sign any legal papers that needed their permission. nowadays, i really don’t want that. nowadays, my feelings on having breasts come and go, and i’ve decided to get a binder so that i can have tiddies when i want and make them disappear when i don’t. i don’t mind having my reproductive organs as much, and would be very happy just chemically freezing them. i’d still like to remove my uterus entirely, but i’m fully aware of the potential risks that come with that and, frankly, i’m not entirely sure i WOULD like that. it’s become more of a nice fantasy than something i’d actually wanna do. this suggests to me that if you had given me that opportunity, i would have regretted it quite a bit. i fully support people who are going through physical transitions right now. i’m not trying to use my experience to demean them or say that they shouldn’t be allowed to do that, that’s stupid and idiotic and i would never dream of telling someone else what to do with their body. (unless they asked my opinion, but that’s different) what i’m curious about is how people would perceive that. a lot of my friends seem to generally support me and trust that i know what i want, or at least that i’m smart enough to label myself correctly for now. but i wonder how people with certain viewpoints regarding body dysphoria, such as transmedicalists, would feel about mine. i wonder if my strange and outlying experience would effect their views at all. hell, i wonder if i’m really an outlier or if there are lots of other nonbinary people with this same sort of feeling. for the record, this hasn’t really effected my gender. i don’t really have any social dysphoria; i view myself as a girl a lot of the time, and when i do view myself as agender i’m not particularly upset when people call me a girl anyways, unless they’re being rude about it.(or on REALLY agender days, but those are rare) what do you guys think?