#self help tip

Worrying is usually focused on the future—on what might happen and what you’ll do about it. The centuries-old practice of mindfulness can help you break free of your worries by bringing your attention back to the present. In contrast to the previous techniques of challenging your anxious thoughts or postponing them to a worry period, this strategy is based on observing and then letting them go. Together, they can help you identify where your thinking is causing problems, while helping you get in touch with your emotions.

Acknowledge and observe your anxious thoughts and feelings. Don’t try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.

Let your worries go. Notice that when you don’t try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they soon pass, like clouds moving across the sky. It’s only when you engage your worries that you get stuck.

Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment.

If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worries, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more dangerous than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every negative thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems, assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.

Although cognitive distortions aren’t based on reality, they’re not easy to give up. Often, they’re part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely aware of it. In order to break these bad thinking habits and stop the worry and anxiety they bring, you must retrain your brain.

Start by identifying the frightening thought, being as detailed as possible about what scares or worries you. Then, instead of viewing your thoughts as facts, treat them as hypotheses you’re testing out. As you examine and challenge your worries and fears, you’ll develop a more balanced perspective.

Stop worry by questioning the worried thought:

What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?

What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen?

If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?

Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?

What would I say to a friend who had this worry?

Cognitive Distortions that Add to Anxiety, Worry, and Stress

All-or-nothing thinking - Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground. “If I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”

Overgeneralization - Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever. “I didn’t get hired for the job. I’ll never get any job.”

The mental filter - Focusing on the negatives while filtering out all the positives. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.

Diminishing the positive - Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count. “I did well on the presentation, but that was just dumb luck.”

Jumping to conclusions - Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader, “I can tell she secretly hates me.” Or a fortune teller, “I just know something terrible is going to happen.”

Catastrophizing - Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen. “The pilot said we’re in for some turbulence. The plane’s going to crash!”

Emotional reasoning - Believing that the way you feel reflects reality. “I feel frightened right now. That must mean I’m in real physical danger.”

'Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’- Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do and beating yourself up if you break any of the rules

Labeling - Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings. “I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”