#second poem

or the parasite that feeds off your attention

I crave your love and your touch

I crave to be the perfect girl for you

I'll change if I could be the one you smile at in the morning

If I could go back to the ray of sunshine I once was

As moments like this

When I travel into the void called my mind

Leave scars all over

Can you heal them

Can you love me if I'm worthy

If I'm sick will you be there for me

Will somebody be there for me

Te esperaba en la estación de tren.

Con maleta en mano y una sonrisa porque te iba a ver.

Hoy estos versos te dedico, esperando en la estación.

De esos, que no te dibujan sonrisas, sino que te derriten el corazón.

Ya se está haciendo de noche, la luna ya ha salido, te está esperando aquí conmigo.

Mis ojos te reclaman.

¿Dónde? ¿Dónde? Dime dónde estarás.

Dime dónde encontrarte cuándo la noche esté a punto de terminar.

Llegaste al final.

Dos o tres campanadas, que tu presencia anunciarían.

Mirada extraña, ropajes rotos.

Sin maleta y con los pies sucios.

Di de dónde llegas.

Di hacia dónde vas.

Con las manos llenas de tierra y vacías te encontrarás.

Allí, entonces te preguntaré y me contestarás:

Ya no soy quién fui antes de irme, sino alguien mejorado. Solo que estoy partido en los trozos que se encuentran en los lugares que he dejado.

Dear Mom,

Hi, it’s me, your daughter.

The daughter that you never really talk to anymore,

Even though I sit on the living room couch all day.

Even though we live in the same house.

You see, I’ve noticed that you think you know more about me than you actually do.

You don’t know that I’ve decided I’m ready to live without you.

Even though I’m only thirteen,

I know what I wanna be.

The first time I told you about my real dream,

You questioned my choice.

I questioned my choice, too.

My choice of telling you.

You see, more often than not, I choose not to tell you anything.

Not because I think you won’t understand,

but because I know you will question my choices.

I often isolate myself on an island

of my own decisions,

Because I was never taught how to swim in your ocean of uncertainty.

And I’m not completely sorry

for never learning how to swim.

I’ve never really liked the ocean.

Not as much as you.

Red, red, red, hair falling over those haunting eyes.

Black rimming a gradient sea of ice,

Turning to an ghastly white before finally plunging back into the abyss.

Enrapturing, cutting through the very soul.

Breath stolen as ones drawn into them.

Pulled into them.

How could I lie? How could I deny?

The simple beauty of it, scarlet blood spilled upon an ancient glacier.

A fox curled, watching, waiting, with those eyes,

Captivating, the trickster waits.

With the all seeing eyes.

Black velvet feathers in the plump white drifts.

A chorus of hoarse voices, yelling, screaming.

Diving, clawing, tearing into themselves.

Chaos surrounds the little fox.

A speck, a flame, a lone flickering light,

you never forgot how i don’t like having sticky hands.

today i spilt resin on my skin i used oil to clean it off

and i thought of you.

i imagined us laughing in your kitchen, the look of disgust on my face, and how you hugged me anyway.

your fingertips brush my skin pushing my hair back to kiss my neck.

i keep thinking. replaying. trying to figure you out.

was it something i said? something i did? did you get scared? are you bored of me?

i waited for your call but it never came.

i reached out, but you didn’t answer.

is this the end?

i washed the oil off.

i’m not in your kitchen. we aren’t laughing.

You were always so good with flowers

Your thumb a shade of bright, vibrant viridian I know I could never obtain

I was always better with the transcript than the shovel

What a weird transition, you being gone

Now I am left to care for your plants

For you have gone to sleep

Laid to rest, in a flower bed

His poison flows freely as he gives you his time

You gape at his words, smiling with glee

His poison takes effect as he turns to flee.

His poison sinks as you reunite

His poison sinks as you hold on tight

You rebuild your trust, he won’t do it anymore

His poison takes affect as he walks out the door