#eeveelutions

an unusual espeon

this is kinda like a few micro slash medium-small headcanons pooled together into one string-on-corkboard type of headcanon so this is going to be very disorganised and rambly but i don car :3

the bottom line of this headcanon, and what i'm going to be calling it; is:

"the Pinnipedian Analysis of Vaporeons as being Chuddish and Round"; or just "Vaporeon = (Seal ÷ Fox)" for short

okay so hear me out

Part 0: Prelude

okay so i saw a youtube vid dub of an old vampireapologist post earlier which made me think of my everdeveloping vap headcanon and also made me want to get back on here to post this

ill direct to the quote «we've been calling them stuff like "sea puppers" when in fact they're more like if a cat weighed 300 kilos and had the intelligence of a toddler & the morals of seagull» because its most important for this specific vap thing

seals look absolutely nothing like cats, nor dogs really they're just kinda round and awesome lookign but that does give off more "«"dog"»" energy to me. so that would kinda make them like a cat personality in an orbified dog body. so kinda like an opposite of a fox.

∴ go forth with the thought of « (cat × fox) + orb + water ≅ seal »

Part 1: Vaporeons are Fishkitty

im a feline vaporeon truther and i will be forever for 3 main reasons

we literally meow in pokémon snap

our neck frill is kinda like a wet fish version of a lion's mane

i think we'd just have more cat-like personalities usually

so with seal in my eyes being a being made up more of cat than dog (personality and vibe wise, completely unrelated to actual biology since i know ofc pinnipeds are caniformia aka on the dog team), this connects vaporeon to seal in that way, leading to more potential connections

Part 2: Blubberb

i think vaporeons, being aquatic mammals; would have blubber due to the many benefits blubber provides for aquatic mammals

see exhibit a: seal and exhibit b: cetaceans

vaporeons having blubber would give us the regular benefits of blubber, as well as extra related benefit of being able to better warm up eevee kittens if some vaporeon(s) and eevee(s) were to live in colder areas

also being more suited for cold even compared to other water types who already naturally resist it may also serve as unnecessary extra bonus retroactive reasoning for vaporeons learning quite a few ice moves (even though most water typers can learn at least a few)

also could be a good reason for why we're one of the biggest eeveelutions ig (i do not accept the pokémon eeveelution height chart where our head fin is counted in the height ranking that is bullshit thats like if you measured a moose from the bottom of its hooves to the tip of its antlers thats stupid i hate it vaporeon is 3'03" from paw to scalp that is final)

Part 3: Other random thing I learned from random tumblr post

okay so i learned from a gaud post that apparently felines have baggy skin for flexibility and thats why cats are wobbly and jiggly when you rub their bellies and they go flblblblb like a blorb kinda

so while blubber isnt really the same thing as that. vaporeon being catlike to me. could also be like. involved in that. the blubber could work similarly. flexibility would also be very good underwater. also vpaoreon really really really big tail so yk thats also flexible cause big tail. oh and speaking of which

Part 4: Big fugcking tail

dude tail big thats goes without saying. draw it bigger. massive tail.

Part 5: Part 3 and 4 combined into one evil creature

about flexible and tail. i think vaporeons would probably be able to use our tails semiprehensibly to grab things and/or squeeze them like a constrictor snake does because thats neat and we got big tails I like our tails :3

Part 6: hug

vaporeon already awesome to hug. make us even more awesome to hug

Part 7: just complete personal preference

i think drawing us vaps as silly seal-like round creatures would be awesome for all the reasons listed above and just because its good

In conclusion.

Take a seal under this context, divide it by fox, halve the orbness (or keep it up to you) and multiply the waterness by a factor of yes. then you get a vaporeon - water cat with seal vibes who is very squishy and was forced to eat cement when they were six