#scrubscast

J.D.: [to Dr. Cox] C'mon, man, it’s our last week together! The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station! You must have a metaphor you want to use. Hit me with it. Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff on a list of things I care as little about as our last week together. Let me see. Low-carb diets.Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV. Wireless hotspots. The Bush daughters. The O.C. The U.N. Getting Punk’d. Danny Gans. The Latin Grammys. The real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much. The Yankees’ payroll. All the red states. All the blue states. Every hybrid car. Every talk show host. Everything on the planet. Everything in the solar system. Everything-everything-everything-everything that exists, past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh… and Hugh Jackman![leaves] J.D.: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!

J.D. [narration] It’s funny how our perceptions can be so off. Like when you’re searching for a place to fit in and you don’t realize you’ve been there the whole time. Or how a bunch of posters can’t turn you into a role model if you’ve already been one for years. Of course, in my case I knew exactly where I stood and it didn’t feel that good. Dr. Cox: [To intern review board] I would like to make special mention of one intern, here. John Dorian. Smart kid, he’s extremely competent, and his enthusiasm and his determination to always be better is something I see 24 hours a day. He cares. He cares too much. But he’s definitely somebody you don’t want to lose. [As he gets up and leaves] Now if you have any questions… Well, I could give a crap! I’m going home. Ya’ll get paid way too much for doing nothing anyway.

Turk: [To Dr.Cox] Get off my back. I’m not in the mood. [He hefts Turk over his shoulder and carries him out to Carla, who’s sitting at a bar.] J.D: Say that again. Turk: Get off my back. I’m not in the mood. J.D: That’s what she said! [points to Carla] Zoom ZOOM zoom!

Jordan: [kisses Cox] Hurry home tonight so you can ignore your son and not do your share. Dr. Cox: You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me!

Dr. Cox: Bob, I cannot believe you’re going to turn this hospital into a money-making machine that coerces people into spending their hard-earned cash on expensive procedures they don’t even need. Dr. Kelso: Why not? It sounds like something I’d do.

Dr. Kelso: [Drunk] Dr. Turkleton! Turk: Actually sir, it's just Turk. Dr. Kelso: That's your first name. Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton? Dr. Kelso: [Carla walks up] And Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! [chuckles; leaves to find bartender] Can I get another Scotch?

[Carla’s wedding has gone disasterously wrong] Carla: Ever since I was a little girl, I had this fairytale idea about the perfect wedding. And, oh yeah, I always ended up married. Dr. Cox: Marriage is overrated. Jordan and I aren’t married, and we’re getting along great. Jordan: Per, is making out with a stranger cheating? Dr. Cox: Technically, not if it’s under 10 seconds, dear. Jordan: Eh, not worth it!