#scoopable

I wrote this for a grade. Enjoy. Beth is owned by @allthenewsiesaregay-bitch

~

The invitation sat on the kitchen table for about an hour. Ash was staring at it when Beth came back from a late shift. “Hey - uh, why are you creepily staring at an envelope?” Ash turned her gaze on Beth, her eyes narrowed as she seemed to be thinking something over. “That doesn’t mean look at me creepily.”

“My sister is getting married.” the sentence rolled off Ash’s tongue. It was a good thing, Jessica planned her wedding a long time ago. It was about time she got married, she’d been dating Cindy for what, five years? Six? Time was starting to blur together for her.

“That’s nice...so what’s the problem?” Beth grabbed a beer out of the fridge. 

Ash rubbed her face, frustrated. “I told my family I was dating someone. Just  to get them off my back but she’s sent two tickets.”

“So you want me to save you from your mess.” Beth cracked open the beer, lifting the bottle to her lips. 

“Mama kept asking when I was going to get married....” Ash pinches the bridge of her nose, breathing in deep. “She means well but I got frustrated. So yeah, I made one up, sue me. Are you going to help me or not?” It came out as a growl, something that only happened if Ash was really frustrated. 

“Sure.” Beth took a swing. Ash leaned back in her chair, sighing in relief “Isn’t your family like super catholic thought? How are you going to get around the whole church thing?”

“She’s not getting married in a church,” Standing, Ash got herself a beer.

“Why not?” 

 “Cuz they’re lesbians, Harold,” She took a long swing. She and Jess were the rainbow sheep of the family. Ash came out by attending the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1987 and getting caught on camera. Jessica came out in the 2000s. No church wedding for either of them. It might bum Jess out but with Ash’s vampirism, that was just fine.

“That fucking sucks.” 

Ash shrugged. “It was never in our cards,” they drank their beers in silence. “Thanks.”

“Your welcome.” The following week was filled with preparation for the trip to LA.  Ash went dress shopping. She assumed Beth got a suit or something. Vacation days were used to cover the two three day trip. “Hey, babe?” 

Ash stopped packing for a split second, blinking from the shock. Did she…? She went out to the living room. “Did you just...call me babe?” Beth was filling out some paperwork, Ash was pretty sure it was about making Draco her emotional support snake. 

“Yeah? I figured we’d start using the pet names so it’ll sound natural,” Beth scribbled on a piece of scrap paper, grumbling as no ink came out. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?” 

“Give me a sec -” she went into her room, grabbed a pen, and handed it to her. “Here you go..uh,  honey,” a blush creped on her ashen cheeks. Get it together, idiot! She reprimanded herself. 

Beth wrinkled her nose. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Then what do I call you?” 

Holding up three fingers, Beth counted them off. “Stars, lover, and darling.” 

“You got Lover from Hadestown, didn’t you, lover?” It felt strange - calling Beth ‘lover’ but it wasn’t a bad strange. She liked it, maybe a little too much but she shoved the feeling down. 

“Maybe,” Ash laughed, heading back to her room. After a couple days of practice, the pet names slide off both of their tongues with ease. The day had arrived. The bags were packed, there was only one last thing to do before they could head to the airport. “Okay, Draco, you’re going to have to be brave, okay?” Beth stroked his scales as Ash held the sack open. “Babe, give him a boop of good luck.” 

“Darling, just put him in the sack.” Really, if they could keep Draco in the cabin - they would. Unfortunately, that was against regulations. Draco would be traveling in a sack in a box, labeled LIVE ANIMAL - SNAKE. 

“Give him a boop of good luck, babe.” Beth repeated, determined

“Jesus…” Ash sighed and dropped the sack down. Gently, she booped the ball python’s snout. Draco flickered his tongue, continuing to make heart eyes at Ash. “Now, lover put him in the sack.” 

Beth sighed and muttered some encouragement to Draco. Finally, she placed him gently in the sack. After tying it shut, Ash put him in the box and sealed it up. “He’s going to be fine,” Ash told Beth as she put her seatbelt on in the Broom, Beth’s car.

“Yeah. I know.” Beth drove them to the Airport, as they arrived, Ash shuttered.

Airports. Ash hated airports. Before 9/11, it was so easy. Now it was hell. Beth was uncomfortable and Ash was mildly annoyed. Luckily, she didn’t snap and bite a TSA agent. “Should I ask how the fuck your sister afford first class?” Beth was gently stroking the armchairs, surprised how comfortable they were

“She does the books for some rich companies. They pay her good,” Ash and Jes both could do math. They were too powerful but luckily, only one of them was alive. 

“Are you sure she doesn’t embezzle?” 

“If she does then good for her.” Ash adjusted her hat. Her sister knew about her...condition, Ash noticed small details about how much thought her sister put into this. They were flying at night, it would be dark in LA when they arrived, and her sister’s wedding ceremony was after sunset. All to make sure Ash wouldn’t die. 

The flight went smoothly. When they landed in LA, three hours and fifty minutes later, Beth was eager to get her familiar back. “Walk - walk! Star, you’re going to run into someone!” Ash ran after Beth- her fake girlfriend rushing to the baggage pick up. Miraculously, no one was run over. 

“Where is he, where is he?” Beth mumbled as Ash caught her breath next to her. When his box slides down the baggage carousel, Beth rushed forward to grab the box.  Ash, on the other hand, went for their luggage. “Got him!” A big grin spread across Beth’s face. 

Aw shit, she’s cute. Get it together Ash.“That’s great, lover, let's get out of here,” Airports were always so much nicer when you were leaving. Out on the sidewalk with traffic racing by them, Ash whistle down a cab. Eventually, a cab stopped and they rushed forward. When Beth shoved the bags in the trunk, Ash popped in and told the guy the address of the hotel. “Isn’t this your first time in LA?”

“Yeah.” Beth was looking out the tinted window. 

“Do you want to go sightseeing?” It was a couple years since Ash was in the city but Ash knew the city like the back of her hand. Say no, She was tired, in a desperate need for a nap.

“Nah.” Ash sighed with relief, setting into mild silence. When they arrived, Beth paid the cabbie “Keep the change,” They got the bags and Beth stared at the hotel  “Your sister is rich, isn’t she.” 

“I don’t know” They walked into the hotel, Ash making a beeline to the desk. “I have a reservation for Ash Carissima Lucy Vecellio, made by Jessica Vedattie Agatha Vecellio?” Ash put on her best smile. The clerk continued to type at the computer looking up their reservation.

“Why four fucking names?” Beth muttered but Ash ignored her

“Can I see your ID?” asked the clerk. Ash whipped out her driver's license - the new one, forged with an appropriate birth year and handed it to the clerk. If she carried around her old one, no one believed she was actually sixty-two when she doesn’t look a day over twenty-three.

The clerk checked it over then handed it back “Everything seems to order. Here are your keys. Room 721 on the seventh floor,” The woman handed them two thin cards. “Have a nice evening,” 

“Have a nice evening,” Ash repeated, dragging her suitcase to the elevator. 

“Really, why four names?” Beth asked again.

Ash pushed the button then hit the >< buttons, making the doors close.“It’s a catholic thing.” Really everything from the first 23 years of her life was a catholic thing. “When someone is confirmed, they take the name of a saint. I picked Saint Lucy.”

“The saint of….?” 

“The blind. Our church had a statue of her, it was pretty rad.” 

“Please never say that ever again.” Before Ash could retort, the elevator shuddered to a stop and opened its grey doors. Out they went, searching for their room. “This is it.” Beth unlocked the door and walked in. It was a nice room, comfortable enough and then Ash walked into the bedroom

“There are two beds!!”Ash screeched, surprised. Two king-sized beds, cloaked in white sheets stood before her. Beth didn’t respond, she was too busy opening up Draco’s box and releasing the snake. 

“Hey, buddy! How was your flight?” Draco poked out of the sack and flickered his tongue. 

Ash picked her bed, the right, and pulled her suitcase on top of it. “Alright, lover, we’re here for two days. Tomorrow is the wedding and on Sunday, we fly back home.”

“Sounds good. Your family knows you’re a vamp, right?” Beth scooped up Draco, placing him on her neck and hauled her suitcase on her bed. She opened it, tossing her grimoire on the bed. No witch left home without hers- Beth was no exception.

“The immediate family does,” Ash rushed to the closet to hang up her dress, hiding it from view before Beth could see. “Let’s keep it a secret, what we’re wearing,” They made a deal back in Chicago. Best to keep it a surprise, it made Ash smile. “The rest were told I developed a skin condition and a garlic allergy.”

“Mhm.” Upon finishing unpacking, Ash opened a shampoo bottle and drank straight from it, her teeth stained red. “Blood in a shampoo bottle. Smart.”

“When I moved to Chicago, it was so easy. No one questioned why I had so many water bottles.” She wiped her mouth, not one drop of red on her clothes or sheets. Her eyes brightened once she drank.

Beth looked at a clock. 10:55 glared back in white block letters. “You staying up, babe?” 

Ash dug out her pajama shirt from her suitcase, pulling off her shirt. She shook her head, working to unclasp her bra. If this sounds descriptive this is because Beth didn’t, no that’s the wrong word, couldn’t stop watching her. Ash stretched her hands to the sky, her eyes shut.. “No,” she took her time in putting on the old dress shirt, leaving the last three buttons unbuttoned. “Shouldn’t you be setting up Draco’s terrarium, not looking at my tits, Lover?” 

“Fuck you.” Ash’s laugh followed Beth out of the room. She was asleep by the time Beth came back in the room, not even stirring as Beth undressed and climbed into her bed. She turned off the lights, the room engulfed in darkness. The only sounds were Ash’s soft breathing, Beth fell asleep pretty quickly.  

The first half of the day was calm. Beth woke up to see Ash changing into a casual outfit, to which she quickly closed her eyes. Nope, nope, don’t be a peeping Tom. “It’s about time you woke up,” Ash clipped her bra then slipped into the bathroom. 

“How did you know I’m awake?” Beth sat up, rubbing her eyes

Ash replied while brushing her teeth, her words bubbled and barely understandable. “Your heartbeat spiked!”

“Oh...so when is the wedding??” Ash walked out, standing before her in sweats and a loose tank top. “It starts at nine and the reception should end somewhere around midnight or later. We should be there by eight-thirty.” 

Beth checked the clock on her bedside, it read 11:50. “We got what, eight hours to kill? What are we going to do?” 

“I’m going to get some breakfast. Want to join me, lover?” Was there any way to say no to that smile? Beth didn’t think so as she nodded and got out of bed. After a nice breakfast, they chilled in their room. The fake couple watched several movies with Draco coiled around Beth’s neck. It was after five that things got hectic. A chaotic mess of getting ready, making sure they knew where the garden was, then the waiting game. It wasn’t until sundown after all. 

“Hey, are you done yet?” Beth drummed her fingers on her top hat. Getting into a suit was easier than trying to zip up a dress herself and she’d heard Ash stumble and curse several times since she left to change in the living room. 

“Just- just get in here and help me!” Ash hissed, her fingers clawing at her back in an attempt to zipper up the back. Beth set her hat on the coffee, walking into the bedroom. Ash was wandering around, most of her outfit complete with makeup and heels on. With three-inch heels, Ash made the height difference between them from three inches to a solid five inches, standing at a solid 6’. 

“Hold still.” Ash huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Beth stood on her tippy toes as she zipped up the dress. “Why wear heels- you’re 5 '8,” she grumbled. 

“Jealous, lover?” Ash smirked

Beth rolled her eyes then hooked the dress up. “You wish. There, you’re good. You finished?” She checked her watch, they had an hour to walk to the garden and find good seats. 

“Give me one sec,” Ash walked to the dresser and picked up one of her perfume bottle. She spritzed some of it on her neck, rubbing it in. “C’mere, lover,” she walked over to Beth and before she could protest - she was hit with a squirt of perfume. “There, we match~” Ash purred, showing her fangs. “You can look now.” 

To put it simply, Ash’s dress was gorgeous. Black, of course, sleeveless, and covered in an assortment of flowers giving it shy pops of color. Hands covered by black gloves, if not for her pentagram scars on her left palm, she wouldn’t be wearing them. Her make up was simple, just blush and dark red lipstick. Her dark locks swept over her shoulders. She was gorgeous- Beth considered herself lucky she didn’t blush. “You look great, babe,” 

“Darling, who gave you the right to steal Cara Delevingne’s look?” Ash muttered as she straightened Beth’s silver tie. Honestly, Beth needed to wear more suits because damn did she look good. Ash was biting the inside of her mouth to make sure she didn’t say something she’d regret. 

“Who says she didn’t steal it from me?” Ash giggled, letting go of Beth’s silver tie. “We should go,”

“We should,” Ash took her fake girlfriend’s arm as they left. “You have one of the hotel keys, right?” Beth responded by patting on her breast pocket. “Good,” then they walked hand in hand to the garden, found good seats, and waited. It was a beautiful wedding, really. Ash cried at least once, using provided tissues to cover her face as she cried blood. 

“Okay, this is the hard party,” Ash sniffled as they walked into the reception. “My family is going to mostly ignore us, seeing how it’s not my wedding but Mama is going to hound us for maybe twenty minutes?” 

“Do you not...like your mother?” Beth asked, her tone certainly conveyed she might not. 

“No, dummy, I just don’t want to get caught.” Ash hissed. 

There wasn’t much time between the little exchange between the fake lovers before a yell shattered the villa. “Topolino!!!” an old woman yelled in joy as she rushed towards them, drawing Ash into a big hug. Ash squealed with delight and hugged her back. “My darling girl, you are too thin! Have you been eating enough?”  If not for the dynamic between the two women, Beth knew this was Ash’s mother by how they looked alike- her mother was aged, smaller, and round Ash. 

“Mama, you know I have, I just miss your cooking!” Ash giggled. The two finally let go of each other and Ash stepped towards Beth, putting an arm around her. “Mama, this is my girlfriend - Beth,” She announced with a smile. 

Beth tipped her hat towards Ash’s mother, smiling at her. “Hello, Ma’am,”

Ash’s mother frowned at her. Anna Vani Cecilia Velicello had seen all of Ash’s affairs, the good and the bad. In a short minute, she seized up Beth and Ash, seeing how they held each other. Her daughter seemed so happy holding this woman’s arm and the girl did look harmless. “Are you treating my Ashely well, Beth?”

Ash covered her face, faking shock. “Mama, do you not trust my judgment?!” “Frankly, no, dear.” her mother answered flatly. Ash frowned but it was fair. She had picked several bad choices in who she dated. Now her mother turned her death glare at Beth, waiting for her answer. 

“How else am I supposed to treat her, Ma’am?” Beth smiled, being honest as she could be, her pinning heart winning over her mouth. 

After a tense moment, Ash’s mother relaxed, a massive worry seeming to be lifted from her shoulders. “Welcome to the family, Beth,” she reached up and patted her cheek. “Enjoy the party! Anthony, stop eating the cookies, you maiale!” then she was gone. 

“Your name isn’t a cool pun on your vampirism?????” Beth whispered as they slipped into the crowds, Ash waving to relatives as they went. Her cheeks were already aching from all of the smiling. 

“Shut the fuck up, Bethany.” she hissed. 

It was later during the reception Beth learned how well Ash could hold her liquor. Not at all. Ashley Carissima Lucy Velcellio was a lightweight. “You’re telling me you are sixty-two years old and a lightweight?” Beth was from the deep south where she had her first beer at thirteen. 

Ash giggled, her cheeks red before she covered them. “Yep!” What a troublemaker a drunken vampire could be, the most interesting incident went like this, “I’m not scoopable.” she muttered into her glass. At this point, she was as drunk as a skunk.

“You’re not what?” Beth set her glass on the bar. 

“Scoopable. I tend to date people who are shorter than me but dammit, I just want to be held in someone's arms but I’m just not-” she hiccuped, “scoopable.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Beth was standing as Ash scrunched up her face in confusion. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m not- oh! Oh!” She squeaked as Beth scooped her up, holding her fine in her arms. 

“You ARE scoopable!” Beth declared, watching Ash threw back her head in a full laugh - her fangs on display, glittering in the lights. 

“Okay, okay, lover! You’ve proven your point!” Ash giggled. She giggled a lot when she was drunk, Beth noticed. Ash’s cheeks were red, sometimes she slurred her words, and her face was always dangerously close to Beth’s. 

“I like keeping you in my arms, we’re finally level.” Ash giggled again. “You’re kind of cute from up here,” it was the last thing Beth got out of her mouth before Ash did the unthinkable - She kissed Beth. 

And Beth kissed her back.  

“Gods, I’ve been wanting to do that since...like forever,” Ash said with a giggled when they pulled away, licking her lips. She tastes like beer. Normally, she’d be disgusted but right now, she didn’t care. 

“You taste like vodka,” was all Beth could say, her brain short-circuited.

“Well excuse me - you don’t taste much better!” But it didn’t stop her from kissing her again. “Pinning sucks, I like kissing better,” Ash against her lips.

“Let’s stop pinning and just kiss,”

“Deal,” Ash giggled and kissed her again but then she stopped. Someone screamed the bouquets were going to be thrown. “Oh! Put me down! Put me down, lover girl!” Beth complied.  Ash grabbed her hand, dragging her in the directions of the scream. “Come on, one of us gotta catch it, right?” Ash laughed, drunk and high on Beth’s kisses. 

Ash didn’t remember Beth carrying her back to the hotel - her sister’s bouquet of roses and calla lilies clenched tightly in her hand. She did remember changing out of her dress, Beth herding her into bed before Ash pulled her into another kiss That night they slept in the same bed. 

In the morning, Ash woke first, her head aching. Gods above, how much did I drink? Ash wondered as she climbed out of the bed. She spent five minutes digging through her bag for some Tylenol. With pills taken and several blood pouches drained, she turned her attention to the sleeping witch. Gently, she touched her lips, her cheeks turning red. We kissed. We actually kissed! The details were a muddled haze of drinking and laughter but she remembered being in Beth’s arms and decided fuck it! What if she doesn’t remember? The anxiety goblin whispered, the color draining out of her cheeks. “What if she doesn’t remember…” 

“Only one way to find out...wake up, lover,” Ash, again, decided to fuck it and poked Beth’s cheek. “We need to get ready or we’ll miss our plane,”

Beth opened her dark eyes, blinking them at the vampire hovering over her. Thoughts of last night filled her. The main one being how a drunk, giggling vampire kissed her. Kissed. “You...you don’t have to call me lover anymore,” She forced herself to say it. She doubted Ash remembered most of the last evening. With how much she drank last night, there’s no way she remembers.

Ash frowned. “Listen, I’m all for silent pinning and that shit but I kissed you last night. You kissed me back. So I just assumed we were dating. Guess I assumed wrong-” she didn’t get to finish. Beth pulled her down into a kiss.

“You still taste like vodka,” said Beth when they finally pulled away. 

“Oh, sue me.” Ash huffed. “Now come on, we’re going to miss our flight if you don’t get your ass out of bed.” A couple hours, they were back in Chicago and back in their apartment.

“Hey, did you see that Ash and Beth are holding hands?” Calla, the faerie, nudged her girlfriend as they left the building, passing the couple on their way up to their apartment. 

“Don’t remind me,” whined the selkie. 

“You owe me ten bucks, Shannon.” 

made something sorta nice since I’m still pretending the story isn’t happening

New Post has been published on http://www.bunnybits.org/fresh-step-scoopable-cat-litter-clumping-14-lb-6-35-kg/

Fresh Step Scoopable Cat Litter, Clumping, 14 lb (6.35 kg)

Unbeatable odor control. (Based on lab tests with cat urine.) Immediate paw-activated freshness. Unbeatable clump strength. 99.9% dust-free. Fresh Step Premium Cat Litter Offers Unbeatable Odor Control, in Three Ways: 1. Its highly absorbent, quick clumping formula lets you easily scoop out the source of odors to keep your litter box fresh. 2. Its fresheners are activated right when your cat scratches or steps for immediate odor control and a light, fresh scent. 3. Its patented odor neutralizers control odor between uses so you can rest assured that the litter is always working. Sold by weight not by volume. Contents may settle during shipping. Made in U.S.A.

Product Features

Natural Scoop product is the first litter certified as natural by the Natural Products Association!Here are the ingredient

Natural Pine

Natural Binder (Guar gum)

Carbon;Natural Borate Minerals (Borax) – Controls Ammonia Odors

New Post has been published on http://www.bunnybits.org/fresh-step-scoopable-cat-litter-clumping-14-lb-6-35-kg/

Fresh Step Scoopable Cat Litter, Clumping, 14 lb (6.35 kg)

Unbeatable odor control. (Based on lab tests with cat urine.) Immediate paw-activated freshness. Unbeatable clump strength. 99.9% dust-free. Fresh Step Premium Cat Litter Offers Unbeatable Odor Control, in Three Ways: 1. Its highly absorbent, quick clumping formula lets you easily scoop out the source of odors to keep your litter box fresh. 2. Its fresheners are activated right when your cat scratches or steps for immediate odor control and a light, fresh scent. 3. Its patented odor neutralizers control odor between uses so you can rest assured that the litter is always working. Sold by weight not by volume. Contents may settle during shipping. Made in U.S.A.

Product Features

Natural Scoop product is the first litter certified as natural by the Natural Products Association!Here are the ingredient

Natural Pine

Natural Binder (Guar gum)

Carbon;Natural Borate Minerals (Borax) – Controls Ammonia Odors