#scociety

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That’s what causes the last few years, and this morning, to upset me the most. 

It shouldn’t be a shock. Even as a young child I saw it in people. 

Kids adoring the bullies, and joining in the cruelty when they could. A teacher mocking me in class for NOT cheating. Being smart used as an insult and being kind seen as weakness. Adults around here saying America needs a “benevolent dictator” to get the things they wanted done with no respect for democracy. People watching movies or tv shows where heroes behaved a certain way, and then seeming oblivious the next day when they acted in ways their hero would never approve....like do you REALLY think the dude on your lunchbox make fun of the slow kid or steal someone’s lunch money?

I’d get so upset back then, baffled by all the casual cruelty, reflexive dishonesty, and glorifying of ignorance. How can they say something is how we are supposed to be and then not even try to be that way, even actively discouraging it in others? Maybe it’s just here and the rest of the world isn’t like this???? Maybe??

But it’s not. It’s people being people. 

Is hypocrisy really at the heart of humanity?  Do people honestly love bullies and long as they are THEIR bully? Does every one that says they see him as a normal person really believe that being a egotistical, dishonest, bullying, greedy, anti-science, hate mongering ,anti-democratic, ignoramous  is normal and if is is shouldn’t we want our leaders to be better than normal? Do people only care about themselves and those like them? What’s wrong in wanting a leader to uphold a certain standard that even  children’s books say is how we should behave?

America feels like a beautiful apple with a rotten core. There is enough good that some of it can be still be salvaged, but ignore it and put it aside a while the whole apple will be lost.

 I can’t keep lying to myself about the goodness and decency of humanity, clinging to the hope of positive change of even those bullying me. The human animal is just an animal and I can’t expect better of people. Humans have a tremendous effect on the planet, but obviously haven’t developed the brains or heart to manage their power. Perhaps I should be glad humanity has never left our planetary back step and extinction is still possible before we spread into the universe. We are, as a species, the abusive, racist, conspiracy theorist uncle out you feel embarressed to introduce to your friends.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t live in Trumpland, if I hadn’t spent a lifetime being ostracized, if I knew people trying to embrace the good, if I just had someone to moan to other than Tumblr, and someone to hug.**

However the count goes, I fear my despair is here to stay.