#savejkid

I'm not sure if this letter will be read. But I already made up my mind in case it does not get read. I’ve sent it to The Ellen Show Twitter handle for it to be seen.

On October 15th 2019, something horrible happened to our household. I never told anyone on this blog this, and I don't do regular updates but I'm horrible on the social media thing because of I'm a private person for the most part. On the evening of October 15th 2019, my brother, who has autism (like me, but of a lower level than me) just before dinner, had a seizure. I just completed my first aid training on a website on the Sunday before it happened.

It happened when I was settling in on Tuesday, after some days moving upstairs to in hopes of renting out the basement room. I left the door open just in case. Then I heard a faint sound of my mom saying “Ndee...Ndee”, due to my hypervilgilence where I get sensitive to certain sounds I got up and brought my phone. Almost immediately I saw my brother on the ground on the carpet shaking with him bleeding from the mouth. I knew what to do by instinct because my brother never suffered a seizure before by calling 911.

I told my mom I'm calling 911. As soon as the operator pickup ed the line, I told her “We need a ambulance now! My brother is having a seizure! He's bleeding through the mouth!” I couldn't hear what the operator saying because my mom tried to get him to breathe after the seizure,and she ended up  having one of her fingers punctured because my brothers teeth/jaw was sealed shut during the seizure. She was screaming “WE NEED A AMBULANCE NOW!” “WE NEED ONE NOW!” “ MY SON IS HAVING A SEIZURE”, while trying to comfort him while he was face down on the ground. I could not hear what the operator was saying because my mom was screaming out of pain of of worry that my brother is not breathing.  The entire call lasted ten minutes.

Luckily, the fire department, which was a volunteer fire department that is literary a stones throw from the house responded within 10 minutes. I told them what happened and directed them to the living room. My mom who told the paramedics everything and my brother, who was disorientated after seizure, after assessing the situation, went to the hospital. I didn't ate anything from the prepared dinner  until the morning after.

I went there the next day in the afternoon, I saw my autistic brother laying down sleeping in drained after suffering a seizure. After I saw my brother, met the hospital staff supporting my brother and my mom. I went down to grab dinner: A simple hamburger with chips, and a soda. When my mom came down: I told her the honest truth: “The entire situation was traumatizing. I can't do this anymore. I need a long vacation.” She knew what was going on with me, and she knew the situation and she accepted the fact that it was time for me to go and have my own life.

At this point, I'm free. I'm free of caregiving for my parents and my brother. But I don't seem to belong in this society anymore. I'm unemployable in the IT field, barely have any social network, my only income is SSDI, and if I can't find a place to live I'll be homeless.

My brother will be fine, he has a group home to go to. He needs round the clock care at this point that my parents nor me can provide. My parents will be fine, they can finally get jobs, even temp jobs because they realize that they can’t rely on me anymore. For me I've sacrificed my career, my health, my social life, my future so they won't be in a homeless shelter, because their relatives won't help them. These same relatives didn’t even visit my brother for the past 7 days while he’s in the hospital.

 If people think caregiving is so noble and admirable and heroic, where's the prizes and riches like the heroes in isekai light novels and anime? Where's my home and a place to live, after years of putting myself into poverty supporting my parents and my brother.

At this point, I'm packing up my stuff and finding a room for rent somewhere, because all the public housing and rent assistance programs are non-existent. If I can't find a room, I'll just have to be homeless., move remaining of my stuff in storage. I'll travel for a while, see the country, do whatever I wanted to do, before it completely falls apart in political strife.

But what I really want, as a person who is a caregiver for the past 5 years, to have somewhere to live, some place to turtle from a society that loves caregivers, but won't help them when they're done. That's what I want. While I might be relived, I'm lost. I merely exist, but I don't belong on this earth, because my future is has been robbed is gone forever.

There are no resources or support for ex-caregivers like me, especially those who have autism/aspergers, to have a fresh start in life.

All I want to do is to rest for every year I've been caregiving for my parents and brother. I want to do everything I wanted to do before I was forced to caregive for the past 5 years, for the times I have to push through despite running on empty for the past 2 years. And for the times that I’ve been mentally and emotionally fatigued.

https://jkid4.tumblr.com/post/181391563973/i-already-got-my-christmas-present-being

For those of you who have donated and followed me, I want to personally thank each and everyone of you all for doing so. Those funds helped me and my family a lot with the mortgage/rent and basic househood needs that I keep running out.

I would do a long update post but it would take too long to type and would be too long for you all to read. Rest assured I’m still alive, even through I got chronic health conditions from years of caregiving. I have some good news that I've been waiting for a long time, years to be honest. My parents have decided to let me move out, because they realize that no time would be a good time for me to move on. They're already slowly getting back to the workforce and my mom is already waiting to complete a job onboarding process, my father is setting up a business on the side which will take months.

They already found roommates that are very interested in in moving in by the 15th of August and they want me to move out by the end of July. 

The Bad news is that, due to the costs of moving from one place to another, I have no where to go due to past rent from the old apartment, and my credit rating being trashed after years of unemployment. The only income I have is SSDI at this point and the main issues is that I can't actually afford to move out, even for a room in a house and moving itself is expensive and costs money. So right now, I’m raising funds whatever I can to move out by the end of July.

If not, I will take all of my belongings in storage and will have to be on the streets because all the homeless shelters and transitional shelters in the DC area are permanently full.

I've already have one person insisting that I should not live on the streets and just live with my parents for another month or two, but he does not understand on how much I've provided for them emotionally, physically, and financially as a caregiver at my own expense because their extended family will not do it and thus I can't do more for them anymore. He was upset that I was planning to live on the streets but not upset enough to actually help

For those of you wondering how I still live?

The main issue is space to be honest because I have no room to unpack all of my stuff. That’s why my life has been in containers for years because I through it was a temporary solution. Now it’s 5 years and little has changed. I would like to get a small apartment but public housing and section 8 is non existent.

I’ve been sleeping on this air bed for a year because the old mattress had mold and it seeped into the carpet. I have scoliosis, and this is not good for my body. Often times I have no energy to muster in pumping the air into the bed because air keeps coming back out...But I have no choice but to sleep in such a bed because my priority was to place a roof over all of our heads.

The main issue is that it’s very hard to for me to find a place to live in the Maryland area because that requirement to be in the state of Maryland area, particularly prince Georges county for the job coaching services I have for help finding me a federal or government job. Two, due to the fact that I’ve been supporting my parents for so long, that my credit rating has been tanked and past rent due will make it near impossible to get a regular apartment. I’ve tried contacting charities and government services including one called Mission of Love here but they told me that they either can’t help or won’t help because I make too much on SSDI alone. They told me that their income limit is $8,000 a year.

Here's the fundraising links for those 

Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/Jkid4

Cashapp: https://cash.me/$Jkid

Gofundme: https://www.gofundme.com/help-jkid-get-out-of-debt/

Can you donate at least 3517 dollars to keep my parents off the streets. I know you can do it tumblr.

Oh for some reason I forgot to put in thrse links:

https://www.gofundme.com/help-jkid-get-out-of-debt

https://www.paypal.me/jkid4

Hey folks, I'm surprised about how much publicity this post has gotten today.

I've gotten several reblogs and likes from this post. I don't know how it blew up, but for those who are interested there are several ways you can donate.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-jkid-get-out-of-debt

https://www.paypal.me/jkid4

Cash.me/$Jkid

Already I have been donated 30 dollars so far.

In light of this I'm doing a livestream on twitch at 6:30pm today at https://www.twitch.tv/Jkid4

Ask me anything about my 4 year long ordeal and more and my life in general.

I also have a Twitter account: twitter.com/Jkid4

And a instagram: Instagram.com/Jkid4

For those of you who have been reblogging me so far or looking via my posts, I’m also available via the following social media sites:

About two weeks ago, I've managed to clean all the clothes that was in this dirty clothes hamper. I wasn't able to clean all of my clothes for three months because of a variety of reasons. Primarily that I didn't want to bother my parents with my constant going upstairs and downstairs over small loads of darks and white clothing every week.

I could not afford clothes detergent every month, so I had to wait until I could afford clothes detergent to even get started washing my clothes.

Another reason I've waited is because my parents have a habit of leaving clothes in the washer or dryer and I have to put the clothes away myself either by drying it for them or putting them away in a bag. I was practically annoying to do this every week I wanted to wash my clothes so I simply didn't bother until I ran of clothes to wear.

This resulted in me wearing the same clothes two or three days a week. Wearing the same underwear for a whole week or wearing the same pants for a whole week. All of this because it was simply a lot simpler.

It was simply easier to my mind and on my parents to just do one day of washing and drying of all my dirty clothes I've accumulated over the past three months.

I've managed to do it for a whole day two weeks ago. 

Unfortunately, most of the clothes you see in these bags. 

I haven't even had the time to put them in my clothes drawers because I have to run family errands, help out with family, and deal with crisis after crisis, leaving me mentally exhausted to do anything else but to veg out in front of a computer monitor.

Can tumblr raise at least 3517 dollars to help me and my parents from homelessness and have me allow a fresh start.