#samlucifer

yet another clear sam-lucifer s5 reading that has little to do with sex is the fear-of-self aspect. many of us walk around with secret fears about who we are — things we don't like about ourselves, things we don't like about other people that we fear might also be parts of ourselves, things we fear would emerge if we loosened our grip on our own psyches, things we fear other people see in us. these fears come to us in the dead of night, whispering to us sweetly about hatred and violence and helplessness and despair, feelings we have about the world, other people, ourselves. it feels violating; it feels like truth; it feels like love. we become evasive. we try to convince ourselves this can't be real. we fearfully admit our experiences to other people, and often face horrible judgment for it. we might eventually say ok, fine, i accept this. i will look into the eyes of this hated self so deeply that i am looking through its eyes and see if it has a point. often it has some points but it is wrong about a lot also. and so we take back control from it (which does not mean we are free of it necessarily but it does mean something). all of this is what season 5 is plainly about. thank you.

i know it’s kinda obvious to say and reasonable to expect but it’s really sad that sam never has the same swagger that he does pre season-five as post