I and my manager: [Takes 15 minutes to name every single thing that she would like, which is harder than you think considering Oktoberfest and pumpkin beers are already replacing summer beers.]

Customer: Okay. I think I'll just stick to what I know. Thanks anyway.

"Changing yourself to accommodate someone else is not healthy." "Change is not necessarily bad."

Triumph in the Skies II - Sam | Summer

Episode 41

On Friday, I'd had a BRooTAL bootcamp type workout that consisted of doing tabatas until the sweet rapture of a cardiac event relieved me of life and property. I therefore didn't want to work out this Saturday, which is sort of unusual since I like to squeeze a workout into my pigout.

Eggs

Turkey bacon

Pink Beans

Broccoli

But that didn't mean I wasn't gonna eat some dumb things.

Strawberry Yogurt

Marshmallows

Graham Crackers

Pepsi NEXT Paradise Mango

I think I have maybe 4 or 5 readers tops and of those 4 or 5, at least 3 of them are aware of my ancient and no-longer-available blog where I reviewed diet sodas during those exciting days when Coke and Pepsi were battling it out again with limes and jazzes and blues. It's been a while since we got anything other than variations on sugarlessness (next, zero, max) but finally Pepsi has chosen to roll the dice again with a preposterous new flavor! Imagine just opening your diet soda flavor chess match with Paradise Mango?! What's wrong, Pepsi... Spicy Plantain was a bridge too far? Anyway it tasted okay if you like that default tropical fruit taste which I don't.

Immediately after this, I completely blew it by carrying 20 boxes of wood flooring up some stairs. My girlfriend lent a valuable hand when she could, but I still ended up basically doing a half hour of ultimate deadlifts, farmers walks, stair climbs, and bent over agonizing crybabies for reps. COUNT IT.

Salsalito Turkey, Ham, Sharp Cheddar and Sriracha on a roll

Some kind of kale and sausage pasta salad (GREAT)

Chocolate Peanut Butter cake

More Chocolate Peanut Butter cake

That sandwich started off like the prince of sandwiches. We had so many cold cuts in the house and they all looked so good, so I stacked 'em deep on a soft, soft roll. Then I remembered that the only mayonnaise we had in the house in years had spoiled a couple months ago. The reason I knew it had spoiled was that I had eaten it and vomited for days. You think I'd remember that. Since we had no other dressings that seemed sensible for a SALSALITO TURKEY and ham sandwich (wut), I just covered it in whatever like I was an 11 year old making fried worms.

Nestle Crunch Peanut Butter Girl Scouts 

Found this in the glove compartment. My food hygeine is on point. It actually tasted quite a bit like those Girl Scout peanut butter cookies which is kind of disorienting because that fake scout PB is a different species than fake candy bar PB. Imagine buying one of those toy cell phones at the checkout counter and instead of opening it up to find sour candy, it actually rings and a congressman asks for your vote.

Panera Cuban Sandwich

Panera Mac n Cheese

Panera Peanut Butter Cookie

I had been forgetting to eat Mac and Cheese for months now. Every Saturday night at 11pm I would remember Mac and Cheese too late to act. Not this week! Their Cuban sandwich doesn't make a lot of sense because I think it's called a Turkey Cuban or Chicken Cuban but what they gave me was all ham. Don't they know which animal Turkey Chicken comes from? That cookie was top notch, though. It was so rich with grease and really hit the spot I'd been desperately trying to hit with peanut butter surrogates all day long.

The grossest saltiest movie popcorn

The mellowest deliciousest Edy's Cake Batter frozen yogurt

Ginger Snaps

We went to see the Dark Knight Rinses and I was completely unaware that supertheaters served specialty forms of soft-serve. I asked the guy how big a small was and he was like "oh we just fill it up as much as you want" AND I RAISED MY HANDS TO THE HEAVENS AND WEPT. Unfortunately that salty corn brought serious point deductions. It dried my mouth up into a shriveled up mummy's navel. You probably expected me to say anus. The movie was pretty decent. Batman flies around in a leafy bug messing with Vader from the WWE.

Raw S'mores

Sam Adams Summer 

Sam Adams Summer

So it's 3/31/2011 and at my local watering hole Samuel Adams Summer is already on tap.  Philosophically, this seems so wrong to me!  Never mind that it's still snowing outside as I write this.  I wish that Sam Adams would allow the spring seasonals to have a little more time to shine before Sam Summer dominates the scene.  Or at least wait until it summer is legitimately around the corner.

Noble Pils, 'til we meet again...