Including four ill-advised, Lennon-lead, rap albums in the late-80s-early-90s, which, somehow, managed to make Saint Anger sound like lighthearted pop-rock.

Rural Internet - GET SHOT (feat. ilysm & RXKNephew)

the entire album is literally so good it's thrashing and full of righteous anger and violence holy shit!!! the angry anthem for december!!!

But also I was bullied all elementary school, until I got angry enough to fight back.

Anger has always been there to protect me. When I was a teenager I thought I was only able to feel horny or angry... And of course, as every undiagnosed mentally ill teen, sometimes both at the same time.

18 years ago, I had my first queer partner. I was so immature and also very damn naive. Never crossed my mind that my partner on that moment could say or do shit just with the intention to hurt me, to make me feel less than and/or ashamed. They were always quizzing me about the most random shit and of course, making fun of me when I didn't knew the answer. Other of their talents was gaslighting, the fucked up part is that I trusted them. So when they tell me: "You are making such a fucking drama out of nothing" (Eeeeven when I had the right to be mad AF with them). We didn't last long, the aftermath was the worst part, the manipulation, the letters, the desperated tries to regain control of me...

Anger was there, when they tried to ridicule me for crying about a close relative been in intensive cares: "Why are you crying? You are not going to solve anything with crying, if they die, they die".

It was my anger hanging up the call. It was my anger blocking them on every fucking platform. It was my anger burning all their presents. It was my anger again, protecting me.

19 years ago, my partner at the time break up with me because "I had so many damn problems, and they wanted something more simple". I mean I can't blame them, I was a fucking disaster, but the way they behaved when I wasn't feeling good, always made me feel so out of place, too much to handle, so damn sensitive...

I knew they breaked-up with me because they were not honest about not been ok with having an open relationship, months later I hooked up with their partner, I've always been this petty. It was a one-time kind of thing. I don't know if that was my anger, but it did made me feel better.

Today I was feeling very fucking angry at my wife, we are having a rough patch, you know the drill: money and patience shortens at the same fucking speed, or so it seems. I've been feeling really angry, but also very fucking sad. My anger is trying to save me again.

My anger doesn't understand that I have grew, that right here, right now I can be vulnerable. But it was awaken because my wife told me today: "I don't know how to talk you without you making a huge fuss". The other day she told me: "You were supposed to do this fucking thing, are you gonna play dumb to also not do this other thing" It was the facial expressions and the tone... I took a deep breath and told her: "the hell is going on with you?". This days have been hard. And believe me, I'm not trying to excuse that uncool attitude.

I have been thinking about this for days: "How can I make her understand that the way she's speaking to me is unnecessary rude". Then I remembered that song of L.P., "Lost in You"

Hold me like you never lost your patience.

It always makes me tear up.

Don't get me wrong, my wife is my favorite person, my best friend. Been triggered by this things is not her fault, BUT is my responsibility to tell her to watch her words, and speak to me in the same way she wants so be spoken to.

Just because I don't want my anger to protect me from her, I know it will hurt her back. I couldn't forgive myself if I do anything like the shit that was done to me.