#saddies

“Namjoon at least has a heart. All that sad R&B floating out from his room whenever he gets angsty and starts pining. With Namjoon, it’s all about expectations. Real love isn’t like all those songs he loves so much. The sooner he learns that, the happier his heart will be.”

huh. that’s VERY interesting…

oh god AMOMK is about to be a masterpiece

😬 "Masterpiece"? 😅 High expectations! I just hope you like it! Fellow saddies, get your comfort playlists ready! Ahhhhhhhhh, lemme go do what Namjoon does when he needs to process...

When the boys get home, 16-Year-Old Namjoon kicks off his shoes and quietly strides past everyone in the living room, making a beeline for his bedroom. He closes the door softly. 18-Year-Old Jin, 14-Year-Old Taehyung, and Mr. and Mrs. Kim freeze and pause to listen.

Brandy's "Almost Doesn't Count" starts to play.

Mrs. Kim: (from the couch) Yikes.

14-Year-Old Taehyung: (a little angry) It's worse than you think.

Mr. Kim: (seated in his chair; turns to Jin and Taehyung) The promposal?

Jin nods his head sadly. Taehyung lifts his shoulders, drawing attention to the pieces of butcher paper in his hands. The one in his left is covered in painted flowers and reads "WILL YOU GO TO"; the one in his right is covered in painted stars and reads "PROM WITH ME?" If placed together, you can see that the words were written inside of a heart that is now torn down the middle.

Mrs. Kim jumps to her feet.

Mrs. Kim: Then that's kalguksu for dinner. And steak. I'll grill us some steaks.

Mr. Kim: (to Jin) What happened?

Jin eyes the hallway leading to their rooms, careful to let his voice sit quieter than the music floating toward them.

18-Year-Old Jin: She said she'd go with him if he asked her in a romantic way. He told her he'd do it today, as school was letting out. And then she turned him down in front of the whole school. She was always going to go with one of the guys on the track team. She just wanted some big gesture.

14-Year-Old Taehyung: (to Mr. and Mrs. Kim) Can we have some money to go buy gummy bears?

18-Year-Old Jin: That's OK, Tae-Tae. I'll pay. (reaching for the torn sign and softly crumpling up the paper) And I'll drive. (bunches the two wads of paper under his arm and reaches for his car keys in his pocket) C'mon.

Mrs. Kim: Pick up some zucchini, please?

Jin nods obediently as he and Taehyung head back out.

Mr. Kim: (standing and walking over to Mrs. Kim) I'll go talk to him. He'll be OK.

Encouraged by her husband's soft reassurance, Mrs. Kim places her hand on her husband's cheek.

Mrs. Kim: (in awe) How do you know exactly what to say when he gets like this?

Mr. Kim: (playfully narrowing his eyes at her) Well, I know a thing or two about heartbreak. (smiling genuinely) And I suppose it helps to also know that things eventually work out better than you thought they would.

Mrs. Kim rolls her eyes, but she stands on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. She heads into the kitchen. Mr. Kim looks down the hallway as the song plays.

I guess sad bitch hours are first thing in the morning for me today. ☹

Idk if it's burnout from working on so many (vanilla) projects, stress from the pandemic & cases about to increase from schools reopening, or just my typical depression side of these stupid cycles i go thru, but I've been super down the past few days. I've been continuing to work hard but not too hard. There's a lot on my plate rn tho and I hate the idea of being unproductive when I have all this great stuff in the works. It's not like I don't enjoy working on it, but my body and brain both wear down so quickly I can't handle much work at all.

I've been lacking a lot in self-care lately too. I get up early just fine, but can't seem to bring myself to exercise or make a real breakfast. Then Daddy's gone all day and when he is I forget to eat/drink water and I slack on my chores. But I still exhaust myself by trying to get things done while my head is telling me a bunch of nonsense all day, and by the time Daddy's home I'm way too worn out to make dinner and obvs so is he so we just get pizza or something equally unhealthy. My skin is awful, I always feel gross, and I don't even have Daddy to talk to during the day so I feel lonely as hell too.

I just wish it didn't feel like I have to choose between being barely productive but being content and being rly productive but feeling crazy depressed & exhausted. I shouldn't have to waste my energy fighting stupid negative thoughts all day when I could be spending it on important things!