roommate!Toji x recovering!reader headcanons ( っ´ `)っ
cw: implied, unspecified trauma and possibly ptsd, guns, sad!reader, sad/comfort, fluff, angst(?), mention of bdsm(just a punchline)
note: Hello gang, let us pretend this isn’t completely self-indulgent. I have been working on this for a while. SMAU included again :) Toji is NOT a perv in this one, although I know roommate!Toji fics are centered around that. Sorry!
• Roommate!Toji, who has to live with someone else because he can’t afford to live alone. The neighborhood is shabby, the apartment is shitty, and the walls are thin, all of which should lower the cost of living there. Still, it’s not enough, so he has to split the rent with you.
• Roommate!Toji, who knows how it looks. Him living alone with a young girl. He’s massive, strong, and earns his money from the kind of job that has him coming home injured sometimes. So, he does his best not to come across as creepy (though he’d never admit that’s what he’s doing):
Roommate!Toji can be very sneaky; it’s essential for his job. But at home, with you around, he doesn’t walk quietly on purpose. He doesn’t just “appear” behind you. Other ways of making himself known include clearing his throat, knocking lightly on furniture, or jingling his keys in advance.
Seeing your sad little face irks him. He’s not sure “what your problem is,” as he once put it, but just to be safe, he doesn’t walk around half-naked.
The old TV’s volume is turned up whenever you go to the bathroom. As mentioned before, the walls are thin, and this way, you can have a bit more privacy.
Roommate!Toji’s size can be pretty intimidating, he’s aware of that. So on days when you seem more on edge, he tries not to put himself in positions where he’d be blocking your way or towering over you.
Lastly, Roommate!Toji doesn’t raise his voice. He’d never do that to you anyway, he’s pretty level-headed. And although he drinks beer, it’s never enough to get him drunk, he makes sure of it.
• Roommate!Toji, who is subconsciously sensible but him trying to consciously help you is a different story. He gives you safety tips on how not to get kidnapped, how to go for someone’s eyes if you’re defending yourself, and what not to do in a parking lot at night. All of this at seven a.m., over breakfast. Your hazy mind can barely process it. You can’t even begin to question why he knows all of these things.
• Roommate!Toji, who decides to give you self-defense (and offense) lessons for free because apparently, watching you look a little less miserable and helpless in the living room is payment enough.
He takes you to a shooting range to teach you how to at least load and unload a gun. It’s also just the best way to bond with a man like Roommate!Toji, so it counts as an official hangout.
• Roommate!Toji, who pays some kids from around the block to cover up the vulgar graffiti at the building’s entrance. There’s no particular reason he can name, but it just feels wrong to have it there.
• Roommate!Toji, who tells you to cover your eyes, when a brutal scene is about to be shown in a movie. He has a sense for those things. Call it his assassin tingle.
•Roommate!Toji, who gets annoyed with your constant apologies to the point, where he sets up a “sorry” jar. It earns him a good amount of cash. Furthermore, if you look at him for too long with pouty lips and confused eyes, his automatic response is a gruff “I’m not mad at you”. He doesn’t know why you always assume that he is.
Catching you trying to monitor his mood is disconcerting. Luckily, Roommate!Toji’s emotions usually only range from boredom to mild frustration, so there’s not much to read.
• Roommate!Toji, who pretends not to want certain clothing items, so you can wear them instead, without being embarassed.
• Roommate!Toji, who mostly minds his business. He doesn’t ask for your backstory and respects your independence. You can go to your silly parties, talk on the phone past midnight, and do things without having to justify yourself.
• Roommate!Toji, who likes it when you feel brave enough to treat his mysterious wounds. Not that he needs your help, it’s about experiencing the evidence of your trust. You don’t pry into his life either, which feels good. Not being questioned and still being cared for. There’s a soft spot in him for your hesitant movements and the way you touch him like he deserves gentleness.
It confronts him of his sense of self-worth. Roommate!Toji knows he’s strong and useful. But knowing he’s wanted, despite not being needed, is what truly hits hard.
• Roommate!Toji, who sees fragments of his own experiences in your behavior, and it unsettles him how differently people can break. He isn’t familiar with words like “trigger” or “coping.” He’s probably the type who claims he doesn’t believe in all that mental health stuff.
He can’t really recognize it when you’re having a flashback. When you’re acting strange, he just stays close but goes on with his day.
• Roommate!Toji, who considers it a victory when you fall asleep on the couch next to him. You trust him enough to do that, so he must be doing something right.
( っ´ `)っ
( っ´ `)っall rights reserved. no translations, plagiarism, modifications, reposts, or ai feeding. disturbing comments will be deleted. english is not my native language.
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pairing: draco malfoy x fem!insecure!reader (enemies to friends and maybe lovers, but not stated)
request: imagine being insecure about your stomach because of draco then he gets to know you and makes you feel more comfortable in your skin? please
warnings: body-hatred, insecurity of body, body dysmorphia(?), honestly just hating one's body
notes: this one hit home, just cried to my therapist last week about this! haha! live, laugh, love!
you hated draco malfoy.
actually, hate is a strong word; you extremely disliked draco malfoy. he believed he was better than everyone else with his stupid face, his stupid slytherin family history, his stupid rich background, and his stupid cruelty towards you.
draco malfoy was stupid and you highly disliked him.
for years, you had received as much torment as harry potter from draco malfoy due to your weight, especially your stomach. you'd be the laughing stock of malfoy and the rest of his slytherin gang, no matter how many times ginny weasley and hermione granger would tell you, "don't pay that evil little cockroach any mind."
you wish you could say the same thing to the voice in your head, screaming at you to do those ab workouts, to not eat as much during the school meals. you wish you could just flip a switch, that draco would stop asking you how many pounds you put on just from breakfast alone, or if you had any trouble fitting into your skirt that morning.
"or you can just sock him in the throat," mentioned ron, mouth full of food.
"you wanna do it for me?" you asked back, an eyebrow raised. ron shook his head and went back to his plate.
hermione sighed beside you, "why not bring it up to dumbledore? or even snape? they should hear the vile things he says to you."
you shrugged, "i don't know, i don't think it's worth it, honestly. that might just make him come at me more and at the moment, i cannot handle that." you tried to laugh at the end, but it came out struggled.
ron gave a smile across from you, mouth full of food, "at least you're not harry, fighting draco constantly to see who the heir of slytherin is."
harry's face turned red, "ron, please, can we not?"
you gave a quiet laugh, "i actually appreciated that ron, thank you." harry groaned beside the redhead.
ginny was about to comment until you heard the goblin voice of draco malfoy himself directly behind you, "hey, y/n, walk any steps today to shed off some pounds? looks like you need to."
hermione glared at draco, "how dare you speak to her, or anyone, like that! you are utterly repulsive!"
draco glanced around the table, "granger, when?"
hermione shot him a look, "when what?"
draco snickered, "did i ask? but seriously y/n, give your legs a break from carrying all that!" and with that, he walked away, proud of himself as he pounded knuckles with crabbe and goyle.
ron and harry stood up, ready to lunge at draco before you gave them a look, shaking your head.
you bit your lip, "suddenly not hungry anymore. um, i think i'm gonna head up to the dorms. see you guys later?"
before anyone could disagree, you stood up from the benches and made your way out of the great hall, running into fred and george who quickly noticed your watery eyes.
"you alright there, y/n?" fred asked, and you nodded quickly, "yes, i'm fine but i have to go - study. goodbye."
the twins looked at one another, and then at your retreating form, "y/n, are you sure-" their question dropped as you continued on.
and with that, the twins were left dumbfounded until they were informed by their friends, brother, and sister.
not long after that incident, draco left you alone, making you and your friends become very suspicious, as if malfoy had a trick up his sleeve. but shockingly, he didn't, and he continued to not talk to you until potions class.
when professor snape decided partnering up different classmates was a great idea, and you two ended up together. he had wandered over to your desk, sitting beside you.
he smirked, "y/n."
you nodded, "listen, just let me do this potion so we can get a decent grade and then you can go back to torturing me, ok? unless you want your grade to suffer?"
draco stayed quiet, somewhat taken aback by your words, "i can help, you know, might as well make sure someone like you doesn't screw it up."
you looked up from the textbook, "someone like me? right, because i'm so repulsive to look at, draco. thank you for the reminder, i'll make sure to dedicate my next workout to you, you git."
with tears on the verge of falling, you grabbed your textbook and hastily walked out the room, professor snape yelling, "and two weeks worth of detention for you, miss l/n!"
you flipped him off right outside the classroom, somewhat bummed and relieved at the same time that he didn't see it.
draco was stunned, simple as that. he knew he was a jerk, a total asshole, but to him, it was pure fun. there was no harm - at least to him. but now, as he sat in potions class, noticing how all eyes were on him, he came to the realization that there was harm done.
draco never actually thought you were heavy or overweight, or even ugly; by merlin no, he thought you were so pretty. yet, he wanted to slap himself as that was no excuse to bully her until she cried - no, he knew that was the wrong way to go about it.
so then why did he do it? he hated that stupid saying that guys bullied girls because they liked them, but draco wondered if that were true in his case. or if he just didn't want to acknowledge his feelings for you.
he pondered the rest of potions class, speechless as to why he thought making fun of your weight was any excuse to talk to you. all he did was hurt you so deeply, cut wounds into your being.
draco knew he was an asshole, and knew he messed up. so how does he apologize?
apologizing was not his strong suit as he never needed to; well, at least to anyone besides his parents. why apologize to anyone else if nobody was as important as them? oh, but you were. you were so full of life and jokes, so kind to him when you all arrived as first-years, yet he has always been so cruel to you. was draco seriously this foreign to kindness that he decided the easiest way to reciprocate was to be mean?
yeah, i guess so.
draco stood up, his chair screeching against the floor. everyone looked at him and draco glanced to snape, "i've got to go." and with that, he was gone, leaving everyone with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.
hermione looked to ron, "where do you think he's going?"
ron shrugged, "beats me. maybe thinking of new insults to hurl at y/n. it's been a while."
hermione sighed and shuffled uncomfortably in her seat, "i wanna go look for her, ron."
harry heard her and shook his head, "bad idea; i think snape might lose it if one more person leaves or even raises their hand."
severus snape was indeed distraught at the behavior that was taking place in his classroom.
but he was not as taken aback as you were now in the astronomy tower.
why had it taken all up until now for you to snap? to even come back at him with something as much as anger? draco deserved to be yelled at, to be slapped, to be, as ron said, "socked in the throat."
you wiped your tears, sitting on the concrete floor as sobs racked your shoulders again. a few owls surrounded and flew around the tower as you whispered, "i hate my body. i have so much hatred for this fat, the way i look, the way i feel. i hate it." you sobbed, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks.
you let out a shaky breath, looking in your bag to grab a tissue before snot became your worst enemy. you wiped your nose, wrinkling it at the feeling before you sighed. you sniffled, tears filling your eyes again.
"i'm sorry."
you jumped, looking around for the source of the voice until you saw draco shuffle out of the darkness by the concrete wall.
you scoffed, "ugh, merlin! go away, malfoy. you're the last person i want to see right now, if you haven't caught on."
he kicked against the floor, "i deserve that."
"and i deserved your bullying, too, right?"
draco glanced to you, shaking his head even though yours had turned back around. he stepped closer, "no, no, you didn't. i'm... i'm a git, you're right."
you sniffled, looking to him as he sat beside you. you grumbled, "took you long enough."
draco huffed a laugh, "it did. and you can still hate me after this, but i truly am sorry. you didn't deserve what i said and did to you, and i can't imagine how you must feel."
silence enveloped between the both of you until he continued, "i heard what you said earlier, about your body."
your eyes had been closed, and you hummed, "not exactly a shocker."
"because of what i said? no, it's not, and i'm sorry again."
you held up a hand, looking at him, "draco."
draco looked you in the eyes, "y/n."
you gave a slight laugh, "it's okay, i forgive you."
draco nodded, "i'm sorry for making you feel so shitty about yourself. nobody deserves to feel that way, especially you, because you were nothing but kind to me and i treated you terribly."
you smiled softly at him, "you did, but you're apologizing now. my issues i can deal with on my own, but you took the time to apologize now so i'm grateful for that."
draco was stunned, a frown on his face, "how are you kind to me right now? i was terrible to you!"
you gave him side-eye, "i said terrible shit about you in my head, so i figured i should be nice."
the two of you laughed loudly at that comment, draco's eyes crinkling. as it died down, he rested a hand on the back of your head. he turned you towards him, "you're beautiful. truly stunning, y/n. i'm sorry i said those things about you."
you gave a small smile as tears welled in your eyes, "thank you draco, it's okay."
draco leaned back on his one hand, the other still in your hair, "can i help you in any way? to help you love yourself and your body?"
you were shocked to the core at his words this entire time, but now your eyes were just popping out of your head. you stumbled, "oh - no, no, i don't think so. it's just something i need to learn, y'know, to love my body. it's just...hard."
draco nodded and he smiled, "i have an idea."
your face drained of color, worried this might have been a joke all along. draco continued, "instead of insults, i'll give you compliments throughout the day. maybe that can help?"
this draco was so sweet compared to the old one; you suddenly had the urge to just grab his cheeks and go on about how sweet he was. this was such a turn of events.
"then," draco went on, "you wont want to be in a new body."
you smiled, "that sounds like a great idea, draco. thank you."
draco's cheeks flushed, "yeah, not a problem, it's whatever."
maybe during this new change in events, draco and yourself can figure out how to deal with the pounding in your chests.
Summary: Soulmates are meant to be the one thing that makes you feel whole; but you've just been shattered.
Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader
Warning(s): ANGST, mentions of suicidal thoughts, heartbreak, sad!reader, mentions of soulmate bond,
You sat in the crowded hall, watching from the sidelines as Loki and his soulmate exchanged their vows of everlasting love.
The moment that was seen as beautiful to all of Asgard was soul-crushing for you. After all, how many people can say that they saw their soulmate get married to another?
You remember it as if it was yesterday; the day you finally saw those stunning emeralds. It was the day that changed everything; the day that shattered your hopes and dreams.
Because, although you finally saw colour; Loki didn't.
So, as the ceremony began to reach it's final stages, you quietly slipped away from the crowd and into the gardens. The one place where you could be alone with your thoughts; no matter how horrid they may be.
You walked to the closest bench and sat down, as tears began to slip out of your eyes. The pain in your chest was too much to bare. And it didn't help that your mind was stuck on the 'what ifs'.
But you were pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of footsteps; those all-too familiar footsteps.
Pulling your hands away from your face, your eyes met those sparkling green irises that you loved.
"Y/n, I wanted to talk to you," he said softly, taking the seat next to you.
You didn't trust yourself to speak, so you simply nodded, your eyes now fixed to the grass floor underneath you.
Loki hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I- I know that today was difficult for you, and I'm so sorry for any hurt that you being here today caused. But you have no idea how much it means to me that you've shown up today."
A bitter laugh escaped your lips. "An apology isn't going to fix anything, Loki. I loved you, and you chose someone else."
He reached out to take your hand, "I know, but I am sorry. But you have to understand, I couldn't ignore my connection with her. It was too compelling."
You shook your head, tears still streaming down your face. "I know how compelling the soulmate bond is. And I understand, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make the fact that you married someone else any less painful."
His face softened, and he reached to wipe your tears away. "I wish I could make it go away, Y/n. I wish I could take away all your pain."
You looked up at him, your eyes now filled with a mix of sorrow and anger. "You can't Loki. You don't get to come here and make everything better. You made your choice; you chose her. And I have to live with the consequences."
He nodded, his eyes filled with regret. "I know. But I just want you to know that I care about you, Y/n. And that I always will."
You felt your heart shatter into millions of pieces at his words. "It's too late for that, Loki. You made your choice, and I have to live with the fact that I'll never be with the person I love; the person I was destined to be with."
They both sat in silence for a while, the both of them lost in their own thoughts. You knew that this was your goodbye, there was no moving past this for you.
As Loki stood up to leave, he turned to look at her one last time. "Goodbye, Y/n. I hope you're able to find happiness one day."
It was dark now. You had been sitting at the bench for what must've been at least a couple hours by now.
Eventually, you stood up, and walked towards the edge of the garden, overlooking the cliffs and crashing waves in the cavern below. You felt numb; shattered beyond repair.
As you looked out into the abyss, you couldn't help but think about all the moments you had shared with Loki. All the stolen glances and secret smiles. The late-night conversations and moments of pure bliss.
But now, it was all gone. You would never have those moments with Loki again. You would never have Loki.
A small part of you wanted to jump off the cliff, to end the pain once and for all. But you knew that wasn't the answer. You had to keep going, even though every step of the way felt like a knife stabbing your heart repeatedly.
As you turned to leave, you caught a glimpse of yourself hanging in the mirror on the garden wall. You barely recognised the person staring back at you. Your eyes were swollen from tears, your face was pale, and your hair was a downright mess.
You knew you couldn't go back to the wedding reception. You couldn't bring yourself to face the happy couple and pretend that everything as okay. You had to leave; you had to get away from the pain.
You quickly walked back to the bench and grabbed what little items you brought with you, and then left the garden. As you walked through the hallways of the castle, you could hear the faint sound of music and laughter from the reception.
It all felt like a cruel joke, a reminder of everything that you had lost. You couldn't take it anymore.
As you reached the grand entry, you hesitated before opening them. You stepped out into the cold night air, the wind whipping your hair into your face.
You took one last look at the castle, knowing that it would be the last time you would ever see it. You turned and walked away, her heart heavy with grief and regret once more.
As you walked down the path, even more tears freely flowing down your face, you knew that you could never be the same. The love that you had for Loki had consumed your entire being, and now it had ultimately destroyed you.
You had no idea where you were going, or what you would do next. All you knew is that you could never go back to the life you had lived before. You had to start over, and find a way to live without the person you loved.
But you knew deep down that you would never be happy again. The pain of your unrequited love would haunt you for the rest of your life.
A/N that was probably the most angsty thing I've ever written.
Also, please know that you're never alone, and that there is always someone willing to listen. If you ever need to rant about anything, my inbox is always open.
🏷 @thewaithfuckingannoyme @evelyn-kingsley @moonlight-ee @dryyoursaltyoceantears as per usual, lemme know if you want to be tagged
Hi! I’m not really feeling well since I’m bedridden sick, and I was hoping if you can make a MoonKnight one shot, where Marc & Steven take care of a teen! Reader whose like Eleven from Stranger Things, and she’s having a nightmare about her past and the boys comfort her.
I just think it would be really wholesome and cute
We’ll never let you go back there again
Hiya! I hope you feel better soon ☹️❤️🩹
Thank you so much for this idea it was so sweet and I almost cried writing it haha. I’m sorry if the intro is a bit long tho lol I tried to put a bit of character backstory for the reader and it ended up being a little longer than I intended it to be. I do hope that’s ok (I put a marking of where the actual fic starts). It’s angsty with comfort in the end. I hope this can help you feel better and that you take good care of yourself. ❤️ (also I want to mention that I tried making the DID as accurate to how it’s shown in the show as possible. I don’t want any inaccuracies so if I did anything wrong or messed anything up please let me know so I can do better).
You only started out as some kid from the streets. You had lost your parents at such a young age. Your mother was exposed to unnatural substances that made her very ill and she died giving birth to you, while your father died not long after due to heartbreak. The doctors were scared that you would end up with physical abnormalities due to the unnatural substances, but it was, in many ways, so much worse. They noticed a lot of weird things about you when you were dropped off at an orphanage. It wasn’t until you started making things float that they realized something was seriously wrong.
You then got sent to a lab where you were tested. They were horrible tests. Sending electrical currents to the pain receptor area of your brain just to see how it would trigger your abilities, forcing you stay awake for days in order to be able to test your brain activity and see what happens to it if you didn’t sleep. But no matter how painful the tests were, no matter how much you would scream and cry, or even beg them to stop or even let you rest, they wouldn’t allow it.
You finally ran away when you were old enough to figure out how. You were only about 15 years old and struggling to keep yourself alive. But a year later a man found you. He had said his name was Steven and seemed very worried. You recoiled from him when he tried to touch your hand. You almost ran away. But you eventually you learned to be able to trust him and went with him to his home. You soon after met Marc, who was just as nice. They had given you what you thought you could never have. You were given a new name, your current one, that had kept you well disguised and hidden from the labs system. You also soon got used to the system between Marc and Steven. They gave you so much unconditional love.
———
One night you found yourself back there again. You were being dragged by a man in a lab coat, right down the hall you had been down so, so many times before. You knew exactly where you were headed. You tried to yank your arm out of the man’s grip but it was like trying to break out of stone. When you turn your head, you notice a familiar black silhouetted figure far behind you. “STEVEN! STEVEN! MARC! HELP ME!” You begin to scream at it, with tears streaming down your face. How could they have let you gone back there? You thought you could trust them. You kept shouting their name, hoping any of them would be able to hear you.
Then suddenly you found yourself jerking awake, realizing you had been screaming their names out loud in your sleep. You still felt a hand around your wrist and desperately pulled at it like your life depended on it. You were hyperventilating and trying to get away from whoever had you.
“Hey, hey! Love, don’t worry it’s me! It’s just me!” You recognized the British accent in the darkness and felt yourself calming down slightly. Your breathing slowed as well. You whole body was shaking uncontrollably. You realized you were drenched in sweat and that your face was wet from crying. Steven then turned on the lamp on the bedside table and you were finally able to see him better.
“Are you alright?” Steven asked gently. Upon hearing those words you felt fresh hot tears beginning to fill your eyes and roll down your cheeks. You let out a sob as your shaking body fall into Stevens lap. He just strokes at your head comfortingly and makes soft shushing sounds as he lets you cry for as long as you wanted.
“Love, what happened?” Steven asked, his voice full of worry, “You were shouting to Marc and I for help so we ran here as fast as we could.”
You just keep crying as you clench at his pajama shirt. Then Marc Spector fronted, “That’s alright kid,” he said as he continued Stevens head stroking, “you can tell us when you’re ready.”
When you finally start to feel a little better you grab to hold his non head stroking hand and try to tell him.
“I-I had a h-horrible d-dream…” you say with a weak voice, “I-I d-dreamt that I w-was b-back t-t-there. A-and t-that y-you l-left…” you start to sob again into his shirt.
“Oh.. Y/n… I’m so, so sorry you had to revisit that wretched place again…” Marc said sadly, “Please remember that we love you and we would never even consider making you go back there again.”
“But don’t you worry, Y/n.” Steven said with a soft smile as he fronted again, “we will absolutely NEVER let that dream come true, even if it’s the last thing we do. Never ever will we let that happen, and that’s a promise!”
With those words you calmed down a bit more and stopped crying. “W-will you s-stay with me?” You ask as you wipe the tears away. “Of course. As long as you want us to.” Marc said with a smile. He slowly lay you back on the bed and laid himself down next to you as he cuddled you in his arms. Soon the two (three) of you had fallen asleep. You didn’t wake up again from anymore nightmares that night.
Shopping with Y/n was a nightmare. She was sometimes too curious for her own good and then left Loki’s side and ran somewhere totally else and in the end she gets lost and it takes hours to find Y/n again.
So what did Loki do ?
He bought a Human leash and put it on Y/n. Y/n fought against it, she hated it and it was too tight to run away from.
“Y/n stop struggling.”, Loki sighed out.
“No ! Take it off of me !”, Y/n yelled.
“Not gonna happen, Y/n.”
Y/n yelled in frustration and tore on it as Loki went with her to the car. Loki huffed in exhaustion at Y/n’s attitude.
Y/n got tears in her eyes in utter sadness. She felt humiliated and like a dog. Loki promised he will never tie Y/n up, but he just did !
Soon Loki was in the car with Y/n. As Loki tried to put the belt onto Y/n, she did it herself and refused to look at Loki.
“Y/n, come on. I know you don’t like it, but it has to be.”, Loki tried to reason with Y/n.
She ignored Loki. Loki decided to look into Y/n’s thoughts.
‘Just babble these lies ! Not the first ones ! You know NOTHING ! You aren’t leashed like a dog !’
Loki huffed and left Y/n’s side and entered the other side, while Happy drove them. Y/n just stared out of the window, never looking at Loki, never talking, never moving. It worried Loki.
Loki didn’t see it, but Y/n was silently crying. She was nothing but a dog to her Daddy, huh ?! Next he tells her to walk on all her fours ! Y/n was crestfallen at that thought. Will Loki do that to her too ?! He promised he won’t make her sad ! But…he already did with leashing her…
“Y/n, come on. Talk to me, Babygirl.”, Loki broke the silence.
Y/n ignored him and kept silent, letting Loki know that she won’t obey. Letting him know that she is very upset.
Loki sighed.
“Babygirl, I hate it just as much as you, believe me.”
“Last time I believed you, you lied.”, Y/n finally said.
“Last time ?”
“You promised you will not, ever, trap me. And you fucking leashed me.”, Y/n spat.
Loki looked at U/n and sighed heavily.
“So that is what this silence is about ?”
Y/n stayed silent.
“Childish…”, Loki mumbled.
At that Y/n snapped her head back at Loki.
“CHILDISH ?! LEASHING ME AND TAKING MY FREEDOM AWAY IS ‘CHILDISH’ TO YOU ?! MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A DOG ?! A DAMN DIRTY DOG !!! THAT IS ‘CHILDISH’ TO YOU ?! YOU AREN’T THE ONE WHO IS LEASHED !!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE A DAMN DOG !!! THE NEXT THING YOU WILL DO IS TELL ME TO CRAWL ON MY HANDS AND KNEES ON THE DIRTY FLOOR !!!”, Y/n screamed at Loki.
Loki saw the tears in Y/n’s eyes and all the sadness they held. The grief her eyes held. It made Loki’s heart ache.
“Y/n…”
“DON’T ! I DON’T WANT TO BORE YOU WITH MY ‘CHILDISHNESS’ !! Just leave me alone…”, Y/n said weakly.
Loki stayed silent and looked at her with guilt.
______________________________
After they arrived at the store, Loki practically had to DRAG Y/n out. She didn’t want to go with Loki shopping, which never happened before. She always loved to go shopping with Loki.
Loki knew he royally fucked up, but Y/n didn’t really understand why Loki did this. She assumed. But she doesn’t understand.
______________________________
Loki went through the aisles with Y/n on the leash and Y/n saw a very interesting object a bit away from the aisle they were in now. M/n tried to walk over to it, but the leash soon pulled her back, making her remember that she is not allowed to look at things that made her curious anymore.
At that Y/n got fresh tears into her eyes, not that Loki saw. He had his back turned to Y/n at the moment.
Loki then pulled Y/n with himself through the whole Store. Everything that got Y/n’s attention was too far away and they never passed by it either, making Y/n even sadder.
“Now we got everything. We can leave, Y/n. Y/n ?”, Loki asked worried as he saw his Babygirl sobbing.
“Hey. What is wrong ?”
Y/n looked to the object that got her attention and Loki followed her sight.
“You want to go there and look ?”, Loki asked Y/n.
Y/n nodded.
“Well then come on, let us go there.”, Loki said and Y/n started to smile.
She rushed there and Loki ran after her so Y/n won’t be torn back by the leash.
“Did you see even more ?”
Y/n nodded.
“But you always pulled me away, so I never could look at them…”, Y/n said sadly.
“Then let us look now !”, Loki said and tried to cheer U/n up.
Y/n smiled softly and nodded.
______________________________
They went everywhere, where Y/n still wanted to look around and then they cashed out, leaving the Store. As they sat in the car a thick silence was back.
“Why did you leash me ?”, Y/n asked softly.
“Because these Stores are big and every time you want to look at something, you simply leave and I can’t find you anymore. It takes hours to find you again and there are some people that would kidnap you and take you away. I need to know where you are going and I need to keep you close, Y/n. A Leash was the only way.”
M/n looked away in shame. She made such a fuss and thought it was bad….even though her Daddy only meant well.
“I am sorry, Daddy…”
“No, I am. I should have told you that BEFORE I leashed you…”
Y/n hugged Loki’s arm tightly and smiled. Loki smiled too and he cuddled Y/n.
______________________________
They finally got home and Y/n was exhausted like crazy. They went to 3 more shops and now she was so sleepy.
Loki came inside too and then put the bags down, telling FRIDAY to get someone to get it put away. Then he went with Y/n to their shared Bedroom.
“What does my Babygirl want as redemption for my ill doing ?”, Loki asked Y/n.
He promised Y/n to make up for it.
"Want you in me while I sleep", Y/n yawned out.
“Then we do that.”, Loki said.
He took off the leash on Y/n and then her clothes. Then he took off his own clothes and they crawled into bed. Loki lifted Y/n’s right leg, lined his cock up and pushed into Y/n.
Y/n moaned softly and pressed her back more into Loki’s chest, curling up slightly too. Loki kissed Y/n’s neck and then they both fell asleep, contently.
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Summary: The reader views some of their 'greatest hits' at the TVA
Tags: Loki x Reader, Loki Laufeyson, Loki Series, TVA, Variants, greatest hits, angst, memories, sad!reader, some backstory ig, this one's a doozy, marvel, marvel imagine, avengers, Asgardian!readers
WARNINGS: just context-y spoilers from the Loki series. All of the angst, some canon-typical violence
Word Count: 2,134
Time passes differently in the TVA.
Hence, you were unsure how long you had stared down the projector in front of you before pressing play.
“Mother, look!”
You were a toddler in the projection.
-
A mere child, arms outstretched as you tumbled across the field your family nurtured in order to collect enough coinage for bread on the daily.
“It’s beautiful, Y/N. Take it to the market tonight, I feel someone may buy it.” Your mother, while soft in the eyes and kind to speak with, only said it to gain another copper piece from the townsfolk.
“But Mother, why do I have to sell it?” You protested, “I made it, and I want to keep this one.”
-
You leaned forward, flicking the projector’s knob until that picture faded out and a new one took its place.
Loki and yourself were sat in a time theater deep within the TVA, your ‘greatest hits’ reel entered in the system. Mobius had given in after your successful testing of Loki’s apocalypse theory, and led the pair of you to a secluded theater. Only one guard stood outside the door, while Mobius claimed he had copious amounts of paperwork to take care of whilst you watched.
When the new picture was assembled, you tapped play to resume your reel.
-
“Excuse me, Madam?”
A voice caught your mother’s attention over the bustling sounds of the market, and she turned to the source. A gasp escaped her lips, and she immediately bent herself into a bow.
“Queen Frigga!” Your mother cried, “Welcome. Thank you for visiting my stall, it is an honor.”
The Goddess was dressed in a simple red gown, covered with a gray cloak to blend with the commoners. Her hair was braided in a tight, intricate formation with curls framing her face. Frigga smiled kindly despite the Einherjar flanking her. “The honor is all mine. I actually came bearing a gift. My son found something that I believe belongs to you.”
Your mother’s forehead wrinkled with curiosity, watching as the Einherjar stepped aside to reveal yourself standing beside a young boy around the same age, dressed in the royal leathers and gold of Asgardian royalty. His hair was inky black and pushed away from his face, while sharp blue eyes watched her carefully.
“Oh your highness, I apologize! My child has a habit of wandering. I hope there was no trouble.”
The young boy stepped up beside his mother, chest puffing proudly. “No trouble at all, Madam. Y/N and I were actually discussing some literature.”
Frigga set a hand on either childs’ shoulder. “It was my delight. It’s not often Prince Loki makes friends so easily.”
-
In the TVA your hand rubbed at your thigh, recounting the memory in your head, though there was much less detail. You allowed your fingers to reach towards the now-grown Loki beside you. His own twined with yours, while the other hand reached to the projector and fast forwarded through scenes from your childhood that were vaguely familiar, until one painful memory filled the screen.
-
“I can’t believe she’s gone.”
Your voice was muffled behind your hands, tears running between your fingers. You were the only one left in the family. Your father was long dead, and now your mother, gone to an unknown plague. The other field workers in the village pitched in to build a funeral pyre, and you watched the woman who cared and nurtured you go up in flames. Now old enough to take over her work yourself, you were destined to bear the weight of a peasant family on your own.
“Are you in need of some company?”
The crisp, regal accent was unmistakable, and you wiped fruitlessly at your face. Prince Loki stood behind you, dressed in a black leather tunic and overcoat, flashes of silver near the collar and bordering the lapels. His hair was shorter than it had been a fortnight earlier, now tucked neatly behind his ears despite the curls attempting to thrive in the humidity of rural Asgard.
“Loki.” His name was a cry for help, and the young man stepped towards you with open arms. You pressed into his chest, looking away from the pyre. “Why are you here?”
“You’re one of my true friends, Y/N. I couldn’t let you do this alone.”
-
You squeezed your Loki’s fingers, and he readjusted your chairs until you could lean into him. He swiped tears away from your eyes, and did the work of changing the memory on screen.
-
Green drapery, golden floors and ceilings bathed in warm afternoon light, while a pillar cast shadows onto the bed.The only reason you had to enter Loki’s chambers now was under the guise of cleaning, as he had offered you a position maintaining his chambers and library in the castle after your mother’s death. However, this time you entered to find him sullen and broken as he told you of Thor’s banishment.
“Loki, listen to me. I could understand the thought of holding off Thor’s coronation, but this is going too far.” You hissed, pacing his royal chambers.
The God of Mischief sat before you on the aforementioned bed, elbows on his knees and chin in his hand. “Father has fallen into the Odinsleep.”
You stopped your pacing.
“What?” You sat beside him. “Why? What caused this?”
A watery chuckle escaped the man beside you, and he turned to meet your eyes. “Do you think I’m a bad person? A poor brother or son?”
You reached for Loki’s hand, but he pulled away.
“Don’t!” He stood, keeping his eyes trained on you. “I’ll show you why Odin fell into his sleep.”
You furrowed your brow at the use of Odin’s name. “Your father?”
Loki took a deep breath, and channeled the power he had felt while holding the casket deep beneath them in the weapons vault. He felt his Asgardian visage fall away, and blinked open crimson eyes to stare at you.
“He’s not my father.”
It was obvious to you what Loki was, but you managed to keep your face straight until he faded back into his familiar self. And suddenly it made sense. He was a chess piece to Odin; something the King of kings could use to bargain with Jotunheim in the future. Perhaps sooner than anticipated, had Loki not found out.
“You’re adopted.” You forced yourself to refrain from using the word ‘stolen’.
Loki scoffed. “An incredibly kind way of putting it, thank you, Y/N.”
You were undeterred by his hostility, and stood from the bed, strong in your boots. The revelation that Loki was not purely Asgardian was shocking and altogether a disgusting action by his father from a moral standpoint, but you knew this man was the same one you had been friends with since that fateful day at the market.
“Loki, you’re no different-”
“Of course I am! You are more suited to the throne than I at this point, for at least your blood is pure!”
You shook your head, even as Loki stalked towards you in a menacing fashion. “You don’t scare me. I don’t care if you’re Jotun or not, you’re the same Loki I’ve always known.”
“I’m a monster.” He growled, breath fanning over your face, “A stolen relic to heal the wounds between two realms.”
Holding your head high, you were centimeters from his face. Your eyes flicked to his lips, and the decision you made to kiss him was split-second. It was full of sorrow and guilt, anger and passion. Loki’s hands clutched almost painfully into your hair, and your nails stuck into his tunic.
“You’re no monster.” You inhaled against his mouth, “You’re broken.”
-
This recollection had you shaking with dry sobs, even though it was likely more painful to Loki than yourself. His arm was warm around your shoulders in the present, and you held onto it like your life depended on it. You reached for the projector, and the next memory was all too painful. There was a flicker before it queued up completely, of Loki holding one end of Gungnir while Thor held the other. The God of Mischief was dangling over the black hole beneath the broken Bifrosts.
“No!” You lunged at the projector, spinning the knob furiously. “I won’t watch it again.”
Loki’s arm around your shoulders relaxed fractionally. “Are you going to finish it?”
You took a deep breath. “Yes.”
Following your desperate skip to the future to avoid heartache, the memories were now completely unfamiliar to you.
-
“Odin allows these visits?”
You smirked from your seat on the floor of Loki’s white cell. “Not exactly. A certain sorceress taught me what I believe to be an invisibility incantation. And I like to believe Heimdall likes me, and his actions aren’t treasonous.”
-
In real time, you turned to Loki. “This is…”
“What would have happened if we’d stayed.”
You reached for the knob again, gliding past the horrific slaying of Frigga that you had witnessed on Loki’s reel when you first arrived at the TVA.
“I don’t want to watch her die again.”
Loki swallowed, kissing your temple. “Thank you.”
-
“I’m not leaving him, Thor.”
You sat on the dismal ground of Svartalfheim, hands resting on Loki’s still chest.
“Y/N, you can’t stay here.” The God of Thunder protested. Jane was clutched to his side, and you only could stare at the corpse in front of you. “He’s gone.”
“I’ll hate you forever if you make me leave. I will find a way to return to Asgard.”
-
There were tears in your eyes now, and even Loki was watching the screen with baited breath. You nudged the dial just a bit, until you saw Thor leave and Loki moving again.
“You faked your death.” You accused.
“It seemed that way on my tape as well.”
A moment later, another unfamiliar vision appeared.
-
You were thrown against the glimmering Bifrost, back crunching dangerously upon impact. Hela stalked towards you, grabbing you by the hair and yanking you to your knees. Your armor from Sakaar was torn and broken, revealing torn skin and blood.
“I don’t know how much farther I have to go for you to understand.”
“If you lay a hand on her-”
“L-Loki…” You choked, eyes weakly watching him congregate with Thor and Valkyrie, “It’s alright. Don’t stop.”
His eyes were panicked, wildly darting between the Goddess of Death and your beaten body.
“Hand over the sword.” Hela demanded, hand tightening at your throat.
“They’ll never let you have this place.” You managed, turning your head enough to spit blood onto Death’s shoes.
“Oh, I’ve had enough.”
Hela thrust a blade into your chest without warning, ripping through your heart. You slumped almost instantly, and the noise faded to a droll until your consciousness was truly gone. The last noise you heard was Loki’s enraged shouting.
-
You blinked, standing from the table abruptly and pacing back and forth. “So that’s it? We both just die gruesome deaths?”
Loki remained seated, only tapping his toes against the floor in acknowledgement. “As I said. Glorious purpose.”
Unaware of your own actions, your feet moved until they were planted before Loki’s. He looked up at you with an indecipherable expression, raising to his full height.
“Our relationship was born of pain, and we shall die of it. In another timeline, I suppose.” Loki pondered.
“We never even got to live.” You murmured, leaning into his chest. “I wanted… more.”
It felt like much later when you and Loki crawled into a twin bed together. Your mind had been focused on your tape since it finished with your death. The sound of Hela’s blade in your chest, and Loki’s mournful shouts were all you could think about. Your melancholy had grown so bad that Mobius excused the both of you to get some sleep before continuing on case files.
“Are you alright?” Loki’s tone was casual.
Not too soft, not too pitiful. Just him.
“I’ll make it.”
You pressed your back to his chest and closed your eyes, waiting to fall asleep. It felt like forever and in no time at all before you were forced to wake. Mobius had given you an alarm, but there was no clock. It only measured the ‘appropriate’ length for slumber.
You didn’t know how long the nightmare had carried on. Didn’t know how long it would be- or, had been- since Hela thrust a blade more than half your height into your chest.
You just hoped that in some time, the madness would end. But in all reality, time was an illusion built by humans. A sacred illusion, monitored by the TVA.
An illusion in which you died at the hands of Death itself.
Hamilton
Modern Au
Thomas Jefferson x Reader
Hamilsquad x Reader
PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7
Summary: For your first mission, you find yourself face to face with a familiar enemy, but also making a new friend. You weren’t sure what Thomas had in store, but after your day at the cafe, maybe a little distraction wasn’t a bad thing.
Thomas glanced worriedly at you as he began the drive back to the mansion. You were scarily silent, and your emotions seemed to be flickering between angry, sad, and regretful. He knew that today would be hard for you, and he expected you to be upset like this for the next couple of weeks. Heartbreak wasn’t an easy thing to get over and he respected that. However, he didn’t like seeing you so upset because of that group of idiotic baboons. You needed a distraction.
“I was thinking,” Thomas began, stealing your attention away from the rainy window. “You’ve seemed to pick up on your training fairly easily. So how about when we get home, we set up your first mission?”
You frowned at Thomas’ words. “F-First of all the mansion i-isn’t my ho-home. I have my ow-own dorm.” Jefferson smirked at your sass. It was one of the things that made him decide to bring you into the team. “Sec-condly, I don’t th-think I’m ready. I could b-barely hold u-up against th-the boys today.”
He nodded in acknowledgment. “That’s to be expected though, Darlin’. Those boys were your friends for nearly a year, of course they’re gonna be your weak spot. What you need is a way to vent out your emotions. I bet you haven’t had a full night of sleep since they’ve left you.” He took your silence as affirmation to the statement. “It won’t be anything too hard, just something to get your mind off of those dimwitted morons.”
You instinctively tensed at the insults being thrown at your ex-best friends. They may have hurt you, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t still care for them. You knew they weren’t even close to being morons. In fact, they were some of the smartest people you had ever met.
You suddenly realized that this was exactly what Thomas was talking about. No matter what they did to you, you were still defending them, and deep down you still desperately wanted to crawl back to them and let them hold you again. You wouldn’t let that happen. You weren’t going to let them hurt you again.
With a sigh and a stir of your drink, you gave into Jefferson. “You’re r-right. Let’s do this.” Jefferson simply grinned and continued to drive, the car fell quiet once more for the remainder of the drive.
James placed four mugs of tea on the center table of what the boys called the ‘info room’ as you sat down to discuss your first mission. “Something easy, huh? It’ll also have to be someone who deserves it.”
You rose an eyebrow at that statement. “W-Wait. I thought we ag-agreed that I wasn’t h-hurting anyone.”
Thomas sighed. “That’s right, you don’t want to be involved in the fun part. Alright then, someone we can use to our advantage. Someone who we can give leverage that will become handy in the future.”
“There’s Maria. We did just dig up dirt between her and Hamilton, but she’s still in that abusive relationship with James Reynolds. A friend who understands just might be what she needs to finally give her the strength to leave him. After that, I have strong feeling that she’ll blossom rather quickly, and can be another insider for us.” Aaron explained, pointing to the picture of the girl who’s folder he had hung up yesterday.
James nodded in consideration and took a drink of his tea. “True, but that’s going to be one messy, and long case once we do decide to open it. I don’t think Y/N emotionally ready for that right now.”
You opened your mouth to argue with him but closed it when you realized he was probably right. This was the second time they had associated this woman with Hamilton and you weren’t ready to deal with anything involving the boys right now. Work was hard enough.
“I was thinking something more along the lines of Peggy Schylur,” James started throwing the file onto the table. “A politicians daughter, and sister of two of the most popular girls in school, yet lives in a cloud of loneliness. She’s constantly in her sister’s shadows and is always forgotten. It’d be easy to get her on your side, the harder part would be earning the other two trusts. Eliza, and especially Angelica aren’t exactly the most trusting of folks, but they know a lot of information on a lot of people, and goodness knows they love to gossip. The only downside is that the older two Schylurs have been seen frequently with the Hamilsquad.”
You looked at the girl in the picture. In two out of the three picture laying in front of you, she was alone and had a small frown on her face. In the other one she was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She needed someone to be there for her, and you could be that person. You also knew she needed someone who was her friend not because of some mission, but because they truly wanted to be there with her.
“I’ll d-do it.” You said crossing your arms and leaning back into your chair. “But not as a-a mission. I kn-know people like P-Peggy, hell I’ve b-been one of th- them. She doesn’t s-someone pret-tending to be her f-f-friend just to use her. She needs a gen-genuine relationship, none of this faking bullsh-shit.” You the look you were giving them, told them that this wasn’t up for discussion. You refused to play with this poor girl’s heartstrings.
Thomas chuckled. “Your empathy is just what this team was missing.” He clapped his hands and pushed off the table to roll across the room on his rolly chair. He unpinned a file and came back. “But that means you still don’t have a mission. What if we give you one that doesn’t help someone, but doesn’t necessarily help them either?”
You frowned in confusion. “What d-do you mean?”
Jefferson slammed down a thick file with a crown stamped onto it onto the table. “ ‘King’ George Frederick the Third. A snotty brat who moved here from England about five years ago, and thinks that he rules the school. He has two people who he trusts more than anything, that being Samuel Seabury and Charles Lee, however, he does have some sway on a lot of people within the campus, especially the teachers. We need an inside man on his affairs and the different things that he plans. We also happen to know that he’s taken an attraction to our little Y/N here.” He set five picture onto the table, all of the had George watching, or walking towards you.
You could feel your nose scrunch up in disgust. You’ve had many encounters with George since your first introduction. True, he was charming, but he was also extremely cocky and always seemed to be giving unwanted opinions on everything around him. Perhaps those opinions were precisely the type of things Jefferson wanted you to get through. You’d have to be careful not to snap at him, but maybe a little fire could help in this situation. It’d be easy to get to him. The King and his posse somehow managed to find you alone at least once a week, and would always try to talk with you before the squad could return.
“Basically you n-need me to g-get close to him f-for information?”
James watched you worriedly, as he took another sip of his tea. “Are you sure this is the best idea? I don’t trust Geoge and his obsession with Y/N shouldn’t be something we play around with.”
You gave James a small smile. “It’ll be f-fine. I’ll be c-careful. Besides, if someth-thing happens, I kn-know you guys c-can get him b-back.”
Aaron nodded. “We need some insight on George. He’s powerful and gets away with too much. We need dirt against him.”
Madison narrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “I don’t like it, but your right. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can take him down.”
Thomas grinned a scarily pleased grin. “Great! Now that we’ve agreed, Y/N you have to remember that George was attracted to your small, shy, weak self. He needs to think that he is in control at all times, and you need to act the part. If that means coming back here to drink and vent to us every week, then so be it. You have to timid, and quiet. A little praise every now and then wouldn’t hurt either.” Thomas flipped open the file to what looked like a calendar. “According to his predicted schedule, George and co. should be at the library until seven. If you head there alone, I have no doubt they’ll approach you. Focus on them today, and maybe even tomorrow. You can start on Peggy later.”
Your eyes widen at the information. You were actually doing this. You were actually going to spy on someone just so you can use them for information. You took a sip of your tea, and a deep breath before smiling up at the boys. “Then I guess I b-better get changed.”
You sat down at one of the library tables now dressed in an oversized, pale blue sweater and black skinny jeans that were ripped at your knees. You figured it gave off the perfect balance of cute but ‘leave me alone’. You pulled a book out of your messenger bag and peeked over the top of it at a nearby table. George and Charles were talking up a storm while poor Samuel seemed to be struggling to work on something.
Now that you had your target on sight you began to read, only occasionally looking over at them to see if there were any changes. This continued for about half an hour until you looked up to see George’s eyes already staring at you. The British man smirked and singled for his group to rise as they approached you.
You forced a blush to rise your cheeks, and shrunk into your book as if your embarrassed to be caught. “It looks like someone finally gained an interest in the king.” George laughed as he sat down across from you.You felt your face become even more red, out of anger of course, but he didn’t need to know that. “Have you finally come to your senses, little mouse?”
You shyly looked up at him. “I-I-I was-.” You paused and bit down on your lip before sighing. “I-I’m sorry for bothering you. Y-You guys j-just looked l-like you were having f-fun, and-” You let out a sad chuckle as you fiddled with your book. “That’s s-something my l-life’s been l-lacking lately.”
George’s eyes widened as if he realized something, and fake pity suddenly covered his face. “That’s right. Those mean boys left you didn’t they? Poor thing, you must be so lonely.”
You let a hurt expression cover your face, as you looked down at your hands. “I-I-I’m fine.” You forced your voice to crack on the ‘fine’ and let your bottom lip tremble as if you were about to cry.
George took you into his arms and shushed you as fake sobs and tears flowed out of you. “There, there, Love. It’ll be alright. No need to cry over those maniacs.” He pulled back and gently wiped the tears from your face. “Who needs them anyway when you could be with us?”
You blinked in confusion at them, used you baggy sleeves to wipe at your eyes. “W-What?”
He chuckled and looked down at you lovingly. “I’ve always liked you, Y/N. But I couldn’t get near you with those idiots around. Come with us, and no one will dare to hurt you again. Everyone will love you.”
You allowed your eyes to widen with hope. “You m-mean that y-you’d take c-c-care of me?” You nearly winced at how desperate and defenseless you sounded.
“Of course. My friends only get the best, so once you’re with me you’ll never leave. You’ll never want to.” You began to worry at his words but quickly covered it with a timid smile.
“T-That sounds a-a-amazing.”
George smiled and gestured for Charles to gather your things. “Perfect. Well, we’re going out for lunch, and I insist that you join us.”
On the outside, You nodded excitedly and allowed him to take your hand and lead you to his car.
But on the inside, you were already beginning to dread accepting this mission, and wonder if maybe Jefferson was using you the way you were using George. You could already see the similarities between the two interactions, and somehow everything began to be unclear.
You flinched as George slammed the car door, and sat beside you in the back seat, with Samuel being on your left. He leaned forward to the driver and gave an address.
A/N: The thing I wanted to write this week didn’t turn out, so, uh, please accept this angsty-fluffy Reader/Cas comfort fic. Hopefully I’ll be able to fix the thing for next week but we shall see. Title taken from a Pvris song.
Summary: (Reader) is feeling upset. Cas doesn’t want you to be alone.
Quick facts: Hurt/comfort fic – Castiel/Reader
Warnings: Sad!Reader
Words: 798
You hear Cas call your name through the door, but you don’t know what to say. So you don’t say anything. The lights are off and you’re in bed, safe in your own little hovel of a room at this nearly-abandoned motel halfway to nowhere. Why the Winchester’s angel is here is beyond you. You’re pretty sure Dean is still seething about whatever your last shouting match had been about.
Cas calls your name again and you carefully move your body to turn away from the door and window. You wince at the throbbing in your head that starts up again, but otherwise you’re fine. Just. Fine.
Cas knocks. “I know you’re awake. Please open up. Dean is not with me and neither is Sam. I am alone.”
You sigh. “Why?” you ask and hope it’s loud enough to be heard. Cas standing outside and demanding to be let in would be an annoying way to spend the night, but you don’t really want to get up.
“Is that permission to come in?”
There are no angel wards to keep him out as it is and with how sluggish you feel there’s no way you can get out a banishing sigil without him noticing and taking action. Not that you’re worried it will be necessary, but you wonder why he’s bothering to even ask for your go-ahead. “Yeah, whatever.”
A brush of air by your face makes you flinch, but you otherwise remain undeterred by Cas’s immediate presence. Until he leans down next to you, looking intently up and down your body. “You’re hurt,” Captain Obvious Yet Oblivious says and moves to place his fingers to your forehead.
You smack his hand away and hiss at the pain of your broken hand hitting something. “Leave ‘em. I deserve it.”
Cas casts his judgmental eye at the bottle of alcohol on your bedside table and you make a dismissive sound. You’re not even drunk enough to deal with an angel playing peacemaker; he shouldn’t look like that. But he still looks at you, very ‘what am I going to do with you’, and you can’t bring your hand back up fast enough to stop him before he goes ahead and heals you.
“Fuck, Cas, I told you–”
“You were in pain. You deserve no such thing.” Cas’s eyes soften and when you try to turn away, he holds the side of your face to stop you. When he says your name it’s soft, and almost more than you can handle. “Dean wouldn’t tell me what you argued about, but he wants you to know he’s sorry; that he didn’t mean to chase you off.”
“It’s not Dean,” you say and turn away from Cas, curling up in yourself. “It’s just…one of those days. Weeks. Months. Years? Lives?” You swallow a lump building in your throat. “I’m fine, Cas. Tell Dean it’s fine. I’m gonna check out a possible Baykok case nearby and then I’ll…come back.”
“Will you?” Cas asks.
“Yeah.” But the word sounds as hollow as it feels. You don’t hear anything and for a moment you worry that Cas has just taken off. But you can hear him shuffling, moving something and you turn back to see him, stripped of his tie and coat and now pulling off his shoes. “Cas?”
“I will go if you ask.” But he comes to lie next to you and you can’t form the words. You just watch as he takes the small amount of bed between you and the edge and faces you, his lips level with your eyes so that you have to look up. He’s contemplative. Quiet. “But I do not wish to leave you right now. May I stay?”
“Why?” is all you can think to ask. “Why would you want to?”
“You are in pain in a way that I cannot fix.” He presses his hand to your back. “But maybe I can help.”
“But why?”
“Because I care,” he says and presses his lips to your forehead. You freeze. You’re not sure what it means but it does…feel nice. That someone cares enough to stay.
“I’ll still be…” You swallow again. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. You are fine, just as you are,” Cas whispers. “But you should know…it is all right to cry.”
“I don’t want to cry.” You snuggle closer and Cas holds you close to his body. He breathes and he’s warm and living and real and it won’t fix anything, but maybe it can help. Even just a little. “I just want this.”
“You can have it. As long as you need it.” Cas holds your head so that your head is pressed to his chest, just under his head, and you drift off easily for the first time in weeks.