#loki au

“I’m afraid so.” The stranger sighed. “Much to my own annoyance.” He added sardonically, reaching for the file before him on the desk. Loki’s face was the picture of bewilderment, utter confusion and disbelief, as he blinked.

“I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time understanding.” Loki said lowly, shifting in his seat, his hands moving to rest on the arms of the wooden chair. His eyes lowered, taking note of his attire. It was no longer his the leathers he had been wearing on the Statesman… Now he sat in an Asgardian tunic - well, what he presumed was Asgardian… At least in its detailing. It was essentially loungewear on Asgard. Asgard… His people… His brother… Thanos.

“Thor— Where is he?” The question left his lips before he could stop it, his expression shifting into worry. Shaking his head, he pushed himself to his feet. “I need to get back—“

“Ah… I’m afraid that isn’t possible.” Loki paused, his eyes shooting back to the man behind the desk who gave a sympathetic, solemn smile. “Once you are dead, you can’t return to the living.”

“But I’m not dead.” Loki huffed.

“Oh, you’re dead alright.” The grey haired man reached for a device that Loki didn’t recognise, watching as he flipped open the cover, pressing the screen with a few beeps before an image projected itself from it. “The ship exploded. Thor escaped… Sort of. Either way, he’s alive.” The man explained, the holographic image between them showing the ship imploding from the damage of Thanos and his ship, flames flickering violently… Loki felt a breath leave him as he slowly sunk back down into his seat, eyes fixed on the sight before him. But if he was dead…

“This isn’t Valhalla.” Loki stated, watching as the hologram dissipated, fading away… Just like his life it seemed. “Heaven… That’s a mortal belief. Midgardian—“ He continued, his frown once again returning. “I’m a God. I died in battle— I shouldn’t be here.”

“No?” The man in the brown suit tilted his head.

“Absolutely not.” Loki almost squawked, offended by even the thought that he was to be regarded in the same breath as deceased mortals. “I want to speak to whoever is behind this farce!” He narrowed his eyes, folding his arms over his chest. “Someone has made a grave mistake.”

“Well, firstly, I said it was Paradise, not exactly Heaven.” The man smirked. “And secondly, as you can imagine, it isn’t exactly easy getting ahold of the big guy.” He huffed wryly. “We don’t make mistakes here, Loki.” He shook his head, sighing as he leaned back in his seat. “However, you may reject your application.” He shrugged. “But it will mean you are dead, dead. You will cease to exist. Bye-bye God of Mischief.” Loki paused, tensing slightly at the man’s words. “But if that is really what you want…” The man sighed, reaching for the stamp press that sat on his desk… The stamp press that said ‘REJECTED’…

“N-now, hang on— Wait— Wait!” Loki practically leaned fully off of his chair, a hand outstretched in a ‘stop’ gesture as the man opposite him paused, raising a brow. “I’ll stay.” He quickly added, nodding as he cleared his throat quietly, watching as the man slowly began to retreat from the stamp. “I’ll… give… ‘Paradise’ a try.”

“Excellent!” The man smiled, clapping his hands briefly before he stood from his chair. “I knew you’d see sense.” Loki’s cautiously followed suit, pushing himself up to stand as he watched the stranger move around his desk. “I’m Mobius, by the way.” He held out his hand, offering it for Loki to shake. The God eyed it, uncertain. “That’s right. You don’t trust easy do you?” Mobius mused, sighing as he lowered his hand. “No bother. I’ll have to earn it won’t I?” He smirked, his tone light as he turned on his heal to head towards the door. “Come on then, God of Mischief. Let me show you Paradise.”

This is insane. Utterly insane. A bit grim, but… We keep moving… Otherwise you do believe you’ll spiral… Look at this place… It has flying cars… Yet it looks… Retro? Futuristic retro? Was that even possible? Apparently so.

Paradise…

You had to admit, it wasn’t exactly what you had imagined. If there was an afterlife, you certainly hadn’t expected this. It was essentially a giant city and the main building had ‘magic rooms’ - although, you had been assured there was no real magic, just science. That also felt weird to think about… Science and the afterlife… Huh, who would’ve thought?

You’d already checked out the ‘automat’, which you found odd considering it only contained Key lime pie. Sucked for people who hated key lime. Or pie. Really sucked for people who hated both. You kinda assumed that the afterlife would be… well, more like… Imagining something you wanted and it appearing… Which apparently was sort of possible via Miss Minutes - within reason, of course. You’d gotten the full run down of the place, the tour, the dos and don’ts, the harsh reality of the fact your life on the ‘mortal plane’ was over… Bummer.

And now… You stood in your new home. It was basically an apartment. It was suited to your tastes, although there were some details had were definitely not yours… Which you thought was odd. It didn’t even match the futuristic retro style of the rest of the place… And not to mention the balcony. It was… quite the juxtaposition from the more sleek looking room. It looked regal almost - gold. It was something you would’ve lively have seen in a palace in some fantasy film. The weirdest part though? There was a sunset. Apparently, it wasn’t real. A holographic image of some kind… Once again, science.

“Knock, knock—“ You jumped slightly at the voice, not even realising you’d left your apartment door open, too busy taking in… well, everything. You turned, seeing the familiar face of Mobius. He was the one who had gotten you settled in - okay, maybe not ‘settled’ but… acquainted to the place. However, he wasn’t alone. There was a tall, dark haired man beside him, wearing what appeared to be… a tunic? You glanced down at yourself, noting your sweats as you awkwardly moved to try and make it seem like you hadn’t magically appeared in this place wearing them and not something a bit nicer.

“How you doing?” Mobius asked brightly, stepping inside as the man lingered in the doorway, his eyes flittering around your room.

“Uh— Yeah, I’m… doing.” You murmured awkwardly, a little uncertain as Mobius let out a brief, breathy laugh.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.” He assured you lightly, his tone friendly. “You think you can handle something else?” He added, raising a brow. You paused, pursing your lips.

“M-maybe. Yes. I guess.” You shrugged, nodding faintly making the grey haired man smile slightly.

“Alright, well…” Mobius took a breath, glancing between you and the man in the doorway. “This is your roommate.” He gestured to the man, your brows furrowing. The man instantly straightened, his lips parting, a small frown appearing on his own brows. “And your soulmate.”

“What?!” “I beg your pardon?!”

Well… That explained the details in the room that weren’t to your taste.

You sat very rigidly on the couch, watching as the man — Loki, you had learnt — paced back and forth before you. He hadn’t spoken once. Mobius had dropped that bombshell and then dipped. That seemed to be how things went around here… ‘You’re dead. This is your life now. Well, not life but you know what I mean. Good luck! See ya!’ Your leg bounced, unsure, anxious, nervous… Loki didn’t seem… like someone you would ever be matched with on a dating site let alone in Paradise and as soulmates.

“There has to be a mistake.” “All of this is a mistake.”

You both spoke at the same time, a long pause following after.

“How can—“ “You’re a mortal—“ “—this be—“ “— a dead one at that—“ “—happening?” “— absolutely absurd.”

You blinked at his words, processing them a moment later after you both spoke once again at the same time.

“Charming.” You huffed, frowning. “You’re not exactly alive and kicking either.” You raised a brow, tilting your head slightly as his pacing came to a halt. The God turned to look at you, keeping his distance on the other side of the dark oak coffee table between you. “And mortal? What like you aren’t?”

“No, I’m not.” Loki spoke lowly, almost offended.

“The opposite of mortal is immortal and you’re dead so…” You trailed off, looking away. Loki’s jaw tensed slightly, taking a deep breath as he shook his head.

“I’m a God!” He huffed, clearly frustrated, making your gaze dart back to him. “So, yes whilst I technically may not be completely unkillable, I did survive you by a good thousand years.” He quipped, eyes narrowing. Your lips parted, frown relaxing ever so slightly as you tried to fathom his declaration.

“A God?” You blinked. “Like… Thor?” Loki let out another slow breath, closing his eyes briefly.

“Yes— Like Thor.” He muttered, turning away as he faced the wall, his eyes landing on the fireplace that looked very familiar. It was his… From his chambers on Asgard. It had all the same details… Was this place mocking him?

Whilst Loki was finally taking note of the decor, your own mind quickly began to… recollect… A God… Thor… Loki… No… Not— He wasn’t… That Loki… Right?

Your eyes widened faintly as you stared intently at the back of the God’s head, your heart— Wait, you had a heartbeat? That’s… weird. Ask questions later— Your heart began to beat a little faster with fear. How the hell was he in a place like this?! He was right— There must be a mistake. Right?! Slowly, you leant forward, your hand stretching outwards to grab the nearest weapon you could see… A magazine. A travel magazine. As if you could simply go there now.

Quietly, you slid it towards you, grasping it in your hand as you began to roll it up. The sound of the glossy paper crumpling made Loki turn slightly, his brows furrowed at the noise, making you react as you rushed to your feet, holding the rolled up magazine in your hand like it was a baseball bat and not just… bound together paper. Loki raised a brow, eyeing you up and down, assessing you it seemed.

“Is this a test?” You asked lowly, a slight tremor to your voice. Loki continued to turn, now facing you, the coffee table still safely between you both. “Hello?! Angel people?!” You called out, looking up at the ceiling, glancing around. “There’s a mistake! He is not my roommate, and he is definitely not my soulmate! He’s a psycho!”

All whilst you shouted to no one, Loki couldn’t help but simply fold his arms over his chest, a faint amused smirk tugging at his lips. It was amusing watching mortals panic. They always stumbled about like baby deer, bleating like it would save them. “‘Psycho’ is a little strong, don’t you think?” He mused, tilting his head.

“No!” You exclaimed, eyes locking back onto him. “In my books, a sane person doesn’t bring an alien army to another planet for an invasion and try to become their King!”

“Mortal history doesn’t differ much from my own actions—“ Loki rebutted, his tone - and face - screaming ‘smartass’.

“Yeah well, they were psychos too!”

“I fear your use of the term ‘psycho’ is far too loose—“

“And I fear your morals are a bit too loose!”

Silence fell between you both as you stared at one another, Loki finally letting out a sigh as he unfolded his arms and stepped aside, preparing to move around the coffee table. You acted immediately, throwing the rolled up magazine towards him, the flimsy thing unravelling and simply hitting his arm before it very awkwardly fell on the ground. Loki raised his brows, looking up from the magazine on the floor beside him to meet your wide eyes.

“I can see why you are dead. It appears you have all the survival instincts of a Dodo.” Loki quipped dryly, making you glare at him. Your eyes darted to another magazine on the coffee table - a jet-ski magazine it seemed. You moved quickly, grabbing it as Loki merely sighed and took another step around the coffee table, inching closer to where you were stood in front of the couch.

“You’re dead too!” You argued, throwing the next magazine at him, watching with deflation as it missed him completely, the God simply leaning out of the way as it slid across the floor behind him. “Why are there no nearby heavy objects?!” You exclaimed, making Loki let out a brief breathy laugh. The sound only added to your irritation.

“And what would you do with said heavy objects?” Loki’s mused, continuing to slowly stalk towards you. “As you just stated, I’m dead.” He gestured towards himself. “And so are you. So…” He held up his hands slightly in a ‘peace’ gesture. “Why don’t we assume that one dead person cannot simply maim another dead person so easily, hm?” You let out a small sound of frustration, knowing he was likely right. You can’t kill a dead person. Right?

Throwing your arms in the air in defeat, you let yourself fall back down onto the couch, giving up - for now. Loki smirked, amused by your little outburst. “Well, you certainly wouldn’t get into Valhalla with that attitude.” He murmured sardonically. “But it seems even if you do fight and die in battle, you could end up in this place.” He added, a mutter to himself as he moved to take a seat on the opposite end of the couch, leaving enough room between you for it to feel safe-ish but still tense.

“This is the worst day ever.” You groaned. “I thought paradise was meant to be fun, not anxiety inducing.” You sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “‘Welcome to the land of the dead where we’ll try our damn best to make you wish you were alive!’”

“You’re rather dramatic, aren’t you?”

“Says the drama queen himself.” You muttered dryly, folding your arms over your chest, looking a little bit like a pouting child, keeping your gaze averted.

“Hm.” Loki hummed. “Perhaps I’ve finally met my match.” He said sardonically, making you scowl. “Calm yourself. It was a jest.” He quickly added, tone clipped. “As if I a mere mortal could match me.”

“Well, we’re both dead. So… snap.”

“Oh yes, forgive me, I forgot that as soon as a God dies, he stops being a God.” Loki drawled sarcastically, making you finally look at him, shooting him a glare. “There may be a more equal playing field here, but trust me mortal, I am as much a God in death as I was in life.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” You quipped.

Speaking of sleep… You slowly glanced over your shoulder, turning slightly to look at the bedroom area in the open plan apartment… One bed. Of course, there was one bed. Who was writing this? A rom-com lover? Ridiculous. You were not sharing a bed with him. No way. Loki’s eyes followed your own, spotting the predicament…

“You can take the couch.”

You both said it at the same time, making your heads snap towards one another.

“What?!” “I don’t think so!”

Sighs.

“Will you stop doing that!” “Stop that!”

Not waiting another second, you pushed yourself up, bringing your socked feet up on the couch as you prepared to volt yourself over the back of it and rush to the bed to claim it before he could, you felt a hand grab your bicep, halting you.

“Get off!” You snapped, feeling Loki tug you back as he moved to stand, nearly making you lose your balance. You knew you must’ve looked like absolute children, but you didn’t care - That bed was yours. You were in Paradise and you weren’t reducing yourself to sleeping on a damn couch. Pivoting yourself, you lunged across the couch to grab his wrist, halting his own attempt to rush to the bed.

“Unhand me, mortal!” He hissed, trying to summon his magic - oh right… No magic in Paradise. He let out a sound of annoyance, distracted for a moment as you began to crawl over the back of the couch, still holding his arm for stability. Loki’s free hand rushed out, grabbing your free wrist as your feet landed on solid ground, his body awkwardly leaning over the couch at an angle to keep you in place. “You are a child!”

“And you are annoying!”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Me?! What’s wrong with you?!”

You both tried to pry your wrists that were being held hostage away from one another, all whilst you both kept your hands on the other’s wrists. It never would’ve worked. It was ridiculous. Is this what happens? You die and regress back to being children?

“Ah ha!” You managed to twist your wrist free, a triumphant grin on your face, unaware that Loki had deliberately let you do so as he quickly grasped your other wrist, tightening his grip to make you loosen your hold on him. “Ow!” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t be dramatic—“

At that remark, you quickly smacked his chest, making him blink at the action. It was quick and sharp… and it… hurt? Well, not hurt exactly, you were rather weak compared to him but still… He felt it as if he was… well, alive.

“Yeah! Exactly!” You bite your tongue from adding ‘idiot’. You were already playing with fire. But instead of dropping your wrist, he simply tightened his hold, causing you to finally relent and tug your limb away from his grip with a sharp glare. “Asshole!”

However, before either of you could do or say anything else, a ding sounded through the air, causing you both to turn your heads to gaze upon the holographic — ??? — image of Miss Minutes.

“Howdy ya’ll! I picked up on some tension and thought I’d drop by and check on ya’ll to make sure everything is fine and dandy!” Miss Minutes chirped, her tone sickly sweet and far too joyful for your liking in the current moment.

“It’s not!” “Everything is far from ‘fine and dandy’!”

You wanted to hit the man. Why did he always have to be the one to speak? Why couldn’t he just let you speak on your own?!

“Oh shucks.” Miss Minutes sighed, placing her small hands on her… Hips… If she had any and wasn’t a circle. “I’m awfully sorry to hear that. We strive to make your experience in Paradise perfect—“

“I shouldn’t even be here!” Loki cut her off, anger and irritation in his words. “And I certainly shouldn’t be expected to share my quarters with a mortal!”

“Yeah, and I shouldn’t be expected to share my quarters with a psycho!” You added, folding your arms.

“My end of the bargain is far worse, I assure you.” Loki scoffed, not bothering to look your way, making your nostrils flare.

“At least I’ve never killed anyone.”

“At least I didn’t perish in a mundane and mortal way.” Well…

“Oh, are we doing this?” You turned to him. Of course, neither of you knew how the other ended up in Paradise, but that didn’t matter right now. You were both far too focused on being at one another’s throats.

“This ain’t ever happened before with soulmates.” Miss Minutes finally spoke again, breaking the bickering up with her voice as she hummed in confusion. “Usually, it’s sparks from the get go. People are normally happy to meet their soulmates… Maybe there has been a mistake—“

“Yes, thank you!” “That’s what I’ve been saying!”

Asshole.

Miss Minutes frowned.

“I’m afraid if there has been a mistake, then… That means maybe you both being here is a mistake…” Miss Minutes continued, beginning to pace midair. “Which means that we would have to reject your place here and reformat our—“

“Now, hang on a minute—“ Loki straightened, his hands moving to his hips. You raised a brow, looking up at him in confusion. “Let’s not be rash, hm?” He let out a short, breathy laugh - one that showed his nerves. “Rejecting us is… a rather harsh decision, don’t you think? It is our first day after all, there are… bound to be hiccups.”

“What are you doing?” You hissed at him.

“Shut up, mortal.” He hissed back.

“You think you can make it work?” Miss Minutes asked, looking between you both.

“Absolutely.” Loki nodded. What on earth had him changing his tune? Was this some sort of weird… power move? Was he getting off on prodding at you? That would make sense. “Fear not, we will… survive. And rejection will not be necessary.”

“Well, alrighty then!” Miss Minutes beamed, making you blink. “Let me know if you need anything! Have a glorious day!” And with that, she dinged right out of existence, leaving you both alone once more.

“Glorious.” Loki scoffed under his breath, shaking his head faintly.

“What was that?!” You narrowed your eyes, turning to look at him properly. “We could’ve been rejected and reformatted! Whatever that means!”

“That was me saving your skin.” Loki stated lowly. “Rejecting us means wiping us from existence. It means we will no longer be in ‘Paradise’ and cease to exist. We would truly be dead.” He explained, his tone snappy. “So, you’re welcome.”

“Sounds nice in comparison to being stuck with you for the rest of eternity!” You huffed, making Loki roll his eyes.

“Fine. Why don’t I call Miss Minutes back and inform her of your decision to cease existing in this afterlife realm, hm?” He raised a brow, parting his lips as he prepared to make good on his suggestion, but before he could your hand shot out to cover his mouth, preventing him from doing so.

“Alright!” You snapped. “Alright.” A sigh. You could feel Loki’s smirk behind your hand, and when you dropped it, there it was. Smug and very much slap-able.

“Besides, I don’t plan on staying in this place any longer than I have to.” Loki stepped back, moving towards the balcony as your eyes followed him. “No, I will find a way out of here and take my rightful place in Valhalla.” His tone shifted into determination, of confidence and certainty as his hands clasped behind his back. “That’s my ending. I deserve it. I am owed it. To rest amongst warriors and Gods.” You took a few steps forward, moving closer to him, a frown on your face.

“That’s great, really, but how the hell are you going to do that?” You asked doubtfully. “I doubt there’s an escape door with a big neon sign that says ‘exit to Valhalla’ above it.” You added sarcastically, hearing Loki release a sharp breath.

“I’m Loki, the God of Mischief.” He stated, turning on his heel to face you. “I will find a way. I always do.”

LOKI MASTERLIST