#s.jin

Drawing in bed. Zzzzz....

Ah, some good news:

I’m quitting my day job to pursue art full-time!

I have to admit, even though that job was hell, it was at least amusing to have people underestimate me (because of my age... * 0 *), and I got to buy a lot of shiny, pretty toys with the money I got from it. Plus, I have enough saved up now so that I can fully concentrate on art for a good while, and still be able to support myself *_*

Yes... the salary was enough to almost make me want to stay in it’s miserable clutches...

Yes... money can buy happiness, and it does promise comfort and security, but what does it all mean when you have to spend your days a slave, devoid of your own will?

I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’m 30 years old, still trying to scrap up meager spare time between this or that and have my dreams crumble to dust on the wayside.

I want to live a life where I feel excited to wake up every morning and dedicate my days doing what I’m most passionate about, and feel full-filled every night my head hits the pillow. 

Yeah, I know it hasn’t been too long since I’ve announced that I got hired at my “awesome” new job, but I just really feel like this is the right time to finally take the leap of faith and do what I’ve always set out to do. 

I’ve been debating back and forth about wether or not I should continue to update my blog about my personal life.

It’s been a difficult decision for me to make since I’ve always kept a daily blog for about 5-6 years now, and have formed an attachment, or perhaps, a sense of responsibility to keep a detailed record of my life. 

I’ve kept my circle of friends very small, and interactions with anyone outside of that circle was very rare. My life was a lot quieter and isolated back then, and my blog essentially served as my diary, which I would come home to at the end of each day to comb out my thoughts, condensing dreams, fears, feelings, and inspirations into neat, malformed paragraphs. 

My blog was a place where I let the stiff facade of feigned disinterest and nervous laughter fall, so that I could think seriously, and be completely honest with myself. It was where I was at my most vulnerable.

Archiving them online, and knowing (or rather, not knowing) that complete strangers could randomly stumble across it and have access to all my deepest wishes and learn about my days was something that I took comfort in, as strange as that might sound. I think I liked the fact that I could turn to anonymous, shadow-faced readers as my listening ear when I just wanted to be heard and straighten things out whenever my emotions clumped itself into a messy, tangled ball.

Things are a lot different now. The more my circle grew, encompassing new friends, and leaving behind others, the more difficult it became to write about such personal things on a public domain where anyone could be snooping about.

I just don’t feel comfortable anymore; like the diary I’ve always kept in my secret, special spot that only sweet deers and humming bees visited to nuzzle their curious pink noses in, had been discovered by hunters, to be picked at with grubby hands and burned into with seething eyes.

I’ve switched my older blog to be completely private now (I’m sorry, but not even the people on the mailing list are privy to it anymore), and am stowing away this blog now as an outlet. I’ve always been more careful with this blog from the very beginning, especially regarding things where other people are involved, but now it will be limited more to my art or things that I wouldn’t feel entirely uncomfortable with sharing.

Some rough drafts and story-plotting for my comic :-)

Long-time, no update again..!! Just wanted to let you know that I’m still alive. 

It was a bit crazy at the beginning, but now I think I’ve finally fallen into a steady working pattern of being a normal, productive human-being, contributing to our ever-growing capitalist society by day, and a delusional, hermit, scribbling away at my desk by night.

I feel like my new job made me more disciplined with myself in terms of managing my time better. It also made me realize the scarcity of it, which really forces me to take advantage of every free moment I have. I still haven’t forgotten about the comic book that I promised myself to make by the end of this year, and other personal projects that I might elaborate more on in a future post... 

Bought some new storaging units for my desk :-) Look at how many erasers I have... o_o They're an accumulation of my weird, obsessive compulsion to pick up an eraser every time I go to the art store... I should probably stop... lol 

I've been extremely moody lately... I'm trying really hard not to let the little things that are going wrong in my life get me down, but those little cracks make me brittle and is breaking me down little by little...

Sunlight and flowers gives me a brief reprieve from my thoughts... In the face of such simple beauty, everything else seems so insignificant... 

But the distraction only last until the sun starts to set... The darkness where I used to find so much solace in the past, now fills me with dread as my mind starts clouding up with negative emotions that I just can't seem to shake off.

While we are on the topic of talented designers, Ash Sabol, created this wonderful piece with my artwork incorporated on it a while back <3 

I've been meaning to make a post about it on my blog but I think I only announced it on my personal facebook and neglected to put it here. v 0 v

"Faint Lorraine" This beautiful coat with my artwork incorporated on it, was designed by the young and super talented Tristan <3 He’s still only in high school, but this boy has some serious skills; everybody watch out for this little cutie ;- ) lol