#ryul angst

summary; ryul spends months chasing the biggest opportunity of his career but by the time he turns around, the girl he’s been doing it all for is already slipping through his fingers..

warnings; angst, ryul lowkey workaholic, mentions of another girl, reader is a fashion / beauty influencer

wc; 9k - requested 1 & 2

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

if anyone looked at you and ryul separately, they would’ve laughed if you told them you were dating

you were all soft edges and glossy lips, matching sets in pastel colors, skincare routines that took longer than some movies, a camera roll filled with outfit photos and blurry pictures of your matcha

your entire career revolved around aesthetics; fashion, beauty, lifestyle, everything looked pretty, soft, cute and mostly pink

meanwhile ryul looked like he belonged on the opposite side of the universe; messy hair, oversized hoodies, silver chains, rings on every finger and a permanent look on his face that made strangers think he hated everyone around him

he was one of the biggest names in the rap scene and unfortunately he knew it,

꩜ nonidol!Ryul x reader

꩜ summary: you knew Ruyl was the jealous type but not that much

꩜ warning/tags: established relationship, angst, jealous ryul, and i hope i don't leave anything else

꩜ wc: 1.2k

꩜ a/n: recently I saw the video where ryul said that his gf couldn't go out with male friends and this came out, please let me know if anyone would want a part two!

꩜ REQUESTS OPEN

Ryul didn’t consider himself someone big on gossip, well being honest he is but not too much, but it all changed when you came around.

He wouldn’t admit it, but since he saw you, you had him wrapped around your finger, everywhere you went he followed.

His friends always laughed at him, saying how much of a “simp” he was, even when you two weren’t even a thing.

Ryul didn’t knew how he bagged you, but he finally did, after trying being non-chalant and failing, he took you on a date and the rest was history.

You were dating for a few months now and everything was okay, even tho when you mentioned some male friends his attitude changed a bit.

One day you were getting ready to go out with your friends and so it happened that Ryul was in your house.

“Where are you going pretty?” his tone was chatty, he loved seeing you getting ready, and you enjoyed his company.

“I already told you love” you laughed “i’m going to have dinner with a friend” your tone was calm, you could sense the storm it was going to come right now.

“Which one” He said.

“Luke” you watched him in the mirror, and you saw how his smile dropped.

“No, you’re not going, who even is he, you didn’t even mention him before” you saw how his eyes darkened, his relaxed pose now tense, very tense.

“Excuse me?” your tone was now firmer, you saw in the mirror how Ryul’s eyes widen for just a millisecond.

“You’ve heard me” you couldn’t believe him, you knew he was a bit jealous and possessive but not to this point “Who even is he?”.

Your silence spoke more than a hundred words could, you finally changed your stance and were facing him, your eyes piercing through him.

“What is with that face, what did I even do, are you going to say anything at all…Come one why on earth would you go with a boy that’s not me, are you that type of girl or what…”

He kept on talking but you didn’t even were hearing him anymore, your thoughts elsewhere, how could he call you that, it’s that what he thought of you?

Finally his words subside, his position and tense muscles told you how mad he was, and even if his eyes told the same story, you could see how under all that anger it was a bit of fear, maybe of you leaving, leaving him, just like he thought just mere seconds ago.

“Are you done being a child?”

“What”

“Ryul get out, I don’t wanna ruin my evening I was in a good mood” you signaled towards the door, you knew if this keeps going you weren’t going to enjoy the rest of your evening “we can talk this tomorrow, like adults”.

“No, let’s talk now, I don’t want you going” he stood up so fast you took a step backwards.

“You want to talk, okay, let’s talk. Why can’t I go with my friends?” You crossed your arms over your chest, your face was so serious, anyone who looked at your eyes could see pure rage.

“Because you are my girlfriend and I don’t want to” he was getting pissed too.

You spent some seconds thinking, just looking at him not saying anything “I’m breaking up with you”.

You saw the exact moment his soul cracked, his heart broken by your hand, a mix of anger and sadness brewing in his chest.

“If I’m not your girlfriend you don’t have to worry about who I go out with, problem solved” you went back to the mirror, your facade breaking a bit when turning.

“Are you kidding me?” Ryul’s hand found your shoulder and it gave a tight squeeze, but it didn’t take long until you went and slapped it out of there.

“Does it looks like i’m kidding, tell me come on, does it” He had never saw you that angry, you were really angry and he was starting to doubt if you were going to be in his side by the end of the talk.

“It sounds like it yes” The scoff came faster than he would have like because he would have stopped it if he could have.

“Well I’m not” you turned to keep doing your makeup as you were before the fight started “now if you’ll excuse me my FRIEND is waiting for me” you emphasized on the words friend to try and make him understand.

“Oh, so you are still going?”

“Yeah, I just told you, you don’t have to worry no more” Each passing second the room felt hotter, anger in the both of you, this was beyond repair.

“Yeah okay go enjoy your fucking date” he gestured to you with his hand, vaguely.

“What the fuck is your problem, I just told you we. are. friends.” You were shouting now, the rage of him not understanding you growing bigger, the desperation making you angrier.

“Yeah, friends who go out on dates” he was not backing down and neither were you.

“Do you even know what friends are, because you must be really lonely not to” now it was taking a dark turn, more and more mean things spilling from both of you.

“A friend doesn’t go on DATES with another person of the opposite sex, besides why isn’t there more people, does he like you or something, I bet he probably does and now he’ll be having the time of his life, fucking laughing at me and how dumb I am, it’s that what am I to you, a dumb fuck to be with a few times and then go with the first fucker you see, such a slu-“.

His phrase wasn’t finished because you slapped him hard on the cheek, so hard it left a mark of your hand right there “don’t ever talk to me like that again, don’t you fucking dare, now get out of my house, if I knew how you would be behaving I probably wouldn’t have given you the time of the day when we met”.

“Come on don’t be-“

“GET OUT”

( ᴗ ᴗ ✿　

baby come on don’t be like this you know I didn’t mean that

come on let me back in

I promise I won’t complain anymore about who you hang out with

baby please give me one last chance

You called me a slut, and didn’t trust me, a relationship is based on trust

If you had been more interested you would have known that he was getting married and they were going to marry in seoul because the bride was from here, we could have attended together, but I went alone, just because you felt insecure, and instead of talking to me you decided it would be best to call me out on something I didn’t even do, so before you get with someone else, please do some self work beforehand, because god safe if you go out with another girl and tell her the same things

The worst part is that I still miss you (unsent)

baby please I don’t want anyone else I want you come on, please give me one last chance, we were fine until that day

Please

➪ pairing : kim ryul x reader

➪ summary : you're ready to shine in the summer, ryul is ready to wrap you in a winter coat and keep you sheltered forever.

➪ other notes : saw this trend on my fyp yesterday and was immediately disappointed. we CANNOT be doing this in the big 2026. oh and yes, i believe in the smoker ryul agenda.

Characters : Kim Ryul x Y/n

Genre : Office Romance, Smut, Age gap

Summary : A secret office romance. A cold heir. A loyal employee. Behind closed doors, their positions are reversed.

❗Minors do not interact❗

Oneshot

"Are you going to keep ignoring me?"

"We are at work, Mr. Kim. I am not ignoring you. I am doing my job."

"Drop the title. There’s no one else here."

Y/n didn’t look up from her tablet. She stood beside the massive mahogany desk, her posture perfectly straight, checking the schedule for the afternoon. Behind the desk sat Kim Ryul. Twenty years old. The youngest son of the company’s chairman. To the employees beyond the frosted glass of his office, he was a ruthless, icy heir who fired managers twice his age without blinking.

To Y/n, he was an absolute headache.

"I said," Ryul’s voice dropped, losing its commanding edge, "drop the title, Noona. Please."

Y/n sighed. She tapped the screen, locking the tablet, and finally looked at him. Ryul was glaring at her, but his eyes were red rimmed. His jaw was clenched so tight the muscle fluttered. He looked desperate and angry.

"Ryul. We talked about this," she said, her tone calm and steady.

"No, you talked. I just listened," he snapped, standing up. He walked around the desk. He was tall, his broad shoulders filling out the expensive tailored suit, yet when he stopped in front of her, his shoulders slumped. "My mother wants to set me up on a blind date this weekend. With the daughter of the Han Group."

"I know. I scheduled it."

Ryul stared at her. His chest heaved. "You scheduled it?"

"It’s my job as your secretary."

"You’re my girlfriend."

"Keep your voice down," Y/n said sharply.

Ryul stepped closer, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He didn’t touch her. He never touched her unless she allowed it. "I want to tell them. I’m going to tell my father today. I’m canceling the dinner, and I’m bringing you to the main house."

"If you do that, I will quit."

Ryul froze. The anger in his face instantly dissolved into sheer panic. "Don't say that."

"I mean it, Ryul," Y/n said, meeting his gaze without flinching. "Think about it logically. You are twenty. You’re still in university while acting as a director here. I am twenty five. I’ve worked for your father for three years. If you bring me home, they won’t see a girlfriend. They’ll see an opportunistic, scheming older woman who seduced their naive son to get to his money."

"I’m not naive. I pursued you!"

"They won't care." Y/n stepped closer, invading his space. Ryul inhaled sharply, his breath hitching as her scent hit him. "They will fire me. They will blacklist me. And they will lock you down or send you abroad. Is that what you want?"

"No," he whispered.

"Then you go to the dinner."

"I don't want to see her." Ryul reached out, his fingers tentatively gripping the fabric of her blazer. He pulled her a fraction of an inch closer. The cold, untouchable boss was gone. In his place was a boy who looked entirely dependent on the woman standing in front of him. "I just want you. Only you. Please, Noona."

Y/n looked at his hand, then up at his eyes. He was begging. It always amazed her how easily he crumbled behind closed doors. Outside, he barked orders and made executives sweat. Inside, he just wanted to bury his face in her neck and be told what to do.

She reached up and pressed a button on the wall panel. The electronic blinds on the office windows whirred, sliding shut and blocking out the view of the bullpen. She walked over to the door and locked it. Click.

Ryul watched her, swallowing hard. His eyes tracked her every movement.

Y/n walked back to him. She didn't stop until her shoes bumped against his. She reached out and grabbed his tie, pulling his head down.

"Look at me," she ordered.

Ryul looked down at her, his dark eyes wide, pupils dilated.

"Who do you belong to?" she asked, her voice low.

"You," he answered immediately, without a second of hesitation.

"And who makes the decisions about our relationship?"

"You do."

"So when I tell you to go to that dinner, smile, and leave early without touching her, what do you do?"

"I do exactly what you say." His voice trembled slightly. He moved his hands to her waist, gripping her tightly. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. "But I hate it. I fucking hate it, Noona. I hate hiding. I want everyone to know you're mine."

"I know." Y/n ran her fingers through his meticulously styled hair, messing it up. She felt him shudder against her. "But for now, this is how it has to be. Until you are the chairman. Until no one can tell you what to do."

Ryul pulled back, looking at her with a raw, burning intensity. "When I take over, I’m putting a ring on your finger the very next day. I swear to God."

Y/n smiled faintly. "We'll see. Now, sit down."

She let go of his tie and pointed to the leather couch in the corner of the office. Ryul obeyed instantly. He walked over and sat down, spreading his legs, looking up at her expectantly.

Y/n slowly took off her blazer, tossing it onto one of the armchairs. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of her silk blouse. Ryul didn’t blink. His chest rose and fell heavily. The way he looked at her like she was the only source of oxygen in the room always sent a rush of heat straight to her core.

She walked over and stepped between his parted legs. Ryul immediately wrapped his arms around her hips, pulling her flush against him. He rested his cheek against her stomach.

"You stress me out," Y/n muttered, running her hands down his shoulders, feeling the tension bunched in his muscles.

"I’m sorry," he mumbled into her shirt. "Punish me, then."

Y/n grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back. Ryul gasped, his lips parting. She leaned down and kissed him. It wasn't a gentle kiss. It was hard, bruising, claiming. Ryul responded instantly, his tongue pushing past her lips, tasting her frantically. His hands moved up her back, gripping her tight enough to leave bruises.

She broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Take off your jacket."

Ryul scrambled to comply. He shrugged off the expensive suit jacket, letting it drop to the floor. His hands went to his tie, ripping it off and unbuttoning his shirt with clumsy, hurried fingers.

Y/n watched him. She liked seeing him lose his composure. She liked knowing that the man who terrified half the building was currently trembling because she was looking at him.

Once his chest was exposed, Y/n pushed him back against the couch. She straddled his lap, her pencil skirt riding up high on her thighs. Ryul groaned at the friction. His hands immediately went to her bare thighs, his thumbs pressing into her soft skin.

"Noona," he breathed, his voice thick with need.

"Quiet," she commanded softly.

She leaned down and pressed open mouthed kisses along his jawline, moving down to his neck. Ryul tilted his head back, giving her complete access. He let out a low, needy sound when she sucked on a spot right above his collarbone.

"Don't leave a mark," he whispered, though his hands were pulling her hips down harder against his growing erection. "I have a meeting at two."

"I know your schedule better than you do," Y/n replied, biting his earlobe. "I decide what happens."

"Yes. You do."

Y/n reached between them. She unbuckled his belt. The metallic click was loud in the quiet office. She unzipped his trousers. Ryul’s breath hitched. He was already painfully hard, straining against his dark boxer briefs.

She pulled them down just enough to free him. He sprang out, thick and heavy, pressing hot against the fabric of her panties.

Ryul couldn't wait. He reached under her skirt, his fingers hooking the edge of her underwear, pulling them aside. He pushed two fingers inside her in one swift motion.

Y/n gasped, her back arching. "Ryul—"

"You're so wet," he murmured, his eyes dark, fixed on her face. "You like seeing me desperate, don't you?"

"I told you to be quiet." She grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from her core. She didn't want him doing the work right now. She wanted to dictate the pace.

She gripped him. He hissed through his teeth, his hips jerking upward instinctively. Y/n aligned him with her entrance. She looked into his eyes. They were completely blown out, filled with nothing but raw devotion and lust.

She sank down.

Ryul threw his head back, letting out a choked groan as she took him in completely. "Fuck. Noona."

Y/n gripped his shoulders, grounding herself as the fullness stretched her. It was always intense with him. For all his submissiveness outside of the act, his body was built to overwhelm.

She began to move. Slow, deliberate circles with her hips. Ryul squeezed his eyes shut, his hands gripping the leather cushions beside him to keep himself from grabbing her and taking over. He knew the rules. When she started it, she finished it her way.

"Look at me," she demanded.

He opened his eyes. They were glassy.

"Who is this for?" she asked, increasing her pace, riding him with steady, deep strokes.

"Me," he choked out. "Just me."

"And that girl on Saturday?"

"Nothing," he said, his voice straining as she ground down on him hard. "She’s nothing. I won't even look at her. I swear."

"Good."

Y/n picked up the pace. The only sounds in the room were the wet slapping of their bodies, the creak of the leather sofa, and Ryul’s ragged breathing. He was losing his mind. Every time she sank down, hitting that deep spot inside her, she let out a quiet, breathy moan that drove him insane.

Ryul couldn't hold back anymore. His hands abandoned the couch and gripped her hips. He started thrusting upward, meeting her downward movements with brutal force.

"Ryul," she gasped, her nails digging into his shoulders.

"I need to," he grunted, his hips snapping up. "Please. Just let me."

Y/n let him. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his shoulder, letting him set the rhythm. He was relentless. He thrust into her over and over, deep and fast, his hands holding her exactly where he needed her.

"I love you," he whispered frantically, pressing kisses to her temple, her cheek, her jaw. "I love you so much. Don't leave me. Never leave me."

"I'm here," she managed to say, her words breaking as a sharp wave of pleasure built in her lower belly. "Ryul, I'm close."

"Come for me," he pleaded, his thrusts turning erratic, desperate. "Show me."

Y/n cried out softly, her inner muscles clamping down hard around him. The climax hit her hard, washing over her in a rush of heat. She slumped against him, her breathing ragged.

Her tightening pushed Ryul over the edge. He let out a loud groan, burying his face in her neck. He gave two more violent thrusts before going completely stiff beneath her. She felt the hot, pulsing rush of his release deep inside her.

They stayed like that for a long time. The quiet hum of the air conditioning was the only sound in the office.

Ryul held her tight against his chest. His arms were wrapped securely around her, one hand resting on the back of her head, stroking her hair. The beating of his heart slowly returned to normal against her own.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly into her hair.

"I'm fine," Y/n murmured. She lifted her head, looking at him. His face was relaxed, the harsh lines of stress gone. He looked his age. He looked like a twenty year old boy in love.

Y/n carefully lifted herself off him. Ryul let out a soft whine of protest, trying to pull her back, but she swatted his hand away.

"I need to clean up. We have work," she said, grabbing a box of tissues from his desk. She tossed him a handful and used the rest for herself.

Ryul watched her adjust her skirt and straighten her blouse. He slowly wiped himself and pulled his trousers back up, zipping them with a sigh. He didn't bother buttoning his shirt yet. He just sat there, elbows on his knees, watching her.

"Stop staring," Y/n said, walking over to the mirror hanging near the coat rack to fix her hair.

"I like looking at you."

Y/n paused, looking at his reflection. He looked genuinely happy.

She turned around and walked back to him. She stood between his legs again, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his cheek on her stomach.

"I will go to the dinner," he said quietly, his voice muffled against her clothes. "I won't cause a scene. I will be polite. But I won't agree to see her again."

"That's all I ask," Y/n said, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm going to work harder," Ryul continued, tightening his grip on her. "I'll learn the business faster. I'll secure my shares. When my father can't threaten me anymore, I'm telling them. You won't be able to stop me."

Y/n looked down at him. She knew the reality of their world. Chaebol families didn't care about love. They cared about power, connections, and wealth. The road ahead of them was nearly impossible. If they got caught now, she would be ruined. But looking at Ryul, seeing the absolute determination in his eyes, she let herself believe him, just for a moment.

"Okay," she said softly. "When you're the chairman. You can do whatever you want."

Ryul looked up at her, a genuine, bright smile breaking across his face. It transformed him completely. "Promise?"

"I promise."

Suddenly, the intercom on the desk buzzed.

"Mr. Kim? The department heads are waiting in the conference room for the two o'clock meeting."

The atmosphere in the room shifted instantly. Ryul dropped his arms from her waist. He stood up, his face hardening back into the cold, impenetrable mask he wore for the world. He grabbed his shirt, buttoning it up with quick, efficient movements, then tied his tie perfectly. He slipped his suit jacket back on, adjusting the cuffs.

In ten seconds, the desperate, clingy boy was gone. The ruthless heir was back.

He walked over to the desk and pressed the intercom button. "I'll be there in two minutes. If anyone is unprepared, tell them to pack their desks."

He let go of the button. He turned back to Y/n.

"Are my clothes okay?" he asked, his voice low again.

"You look perfect, Mr. Kim," Y/n said, slipping easily back into her professional demeanor. She picked up her tablet from the desk.

Ryul walked over to the door. He unlocked it, but before he pulled the handle down, he looked back at her. The cold mask slipped, just for a second, revealing a soft, tender look in his eyes.

"After the meeting," he said quietly. "Can we get dinner? At my place?"

Y/n smiled faintly. "I'll add it to your schedule."

Jealous Confession ↻ K.R

𑣲⋆ in which Ryul gets jealous of how you act with your other friends, you realise why and run to him.

‎ꫂ᭪݁ANGST‎ꫂ᭪݁

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The practice room was illuminated by the overhead lighting, even making the floor shine underneath you. Thank god for the ventilation and cold a/c or the room would smell like sweaty boys. Cortis was on break and Juhoon and James had texted you on the group chat, begging to come meet them.  

That’s how you ended up on the floor of the practice room, sitting in a circle with the pair playing a brutal game of Uno.

“You fucking cheated!” You yelled throwing down the 10 cards you had to pick up leaving you thirteen away from uno and James one closer to winning.

“I’m winning fairly” He smirked wiggling his brows playfully, knowing well he had it stashed in his sleeve.

“You had that in your sleeve, I saw you take it out” You pilled the cards back into your hands, spreading them to see the useless colored cards. “I just didn’t say anything because I thought you’d use them on Huni” You side eyes Juhoon, watching his lips part and his eyes flash in betrayal.

“I thought we were friends, I didn’t say anything about the cards under your leg” Your face falls, the smugness washing away and being replaced with wide eyes and pale skin.

“Oh, shut up” You admitted defeat and slid the cards out into the open, now you had seventeen cards to play.

 Your phone vibrates in your pocket repeatedly, making the ground shake beneath you. “Shit, hold on” You took out your phone after placing the cards downturned on the floor.

Gyul 🍊 incoming call…

You answered the call and held the phone to your ear. “Hey, what’s up?” You could hear the sound of a radio playing as well as Woojin’s voice subtly in the background.

“Hey, me and Woojin are going to the café you like, do you want anything? I can drop it passed on our way back”

“Oooo, get me that strawberry milk tea thing with the boba please”

“I knew that’s what you’d want”

“Strawberry milk tea?” You could hear Woojin’s voice say, obviously smiling at how predictable you are.

“Yup, okay I’ll be thirty minutes probably”

“Can’t wait, also I’m with James and Juhoon at Hybe, I’m sure security will let you through as you are the famous R-Y-U-L and all”

You could hear him laugh quietly, but something made him pause for a beat longer than last time.

“Uh yeah, okay, I might be a bit longer then”

“Okay that’s fine, tell Woojin I said hi”

“I will, bye”

The line went dead and you looked at the two grinning boys, their smiles faltering at your expression.

“Everything okay?” James asked, lowering his cards to give you his full attention.

“Uh yeah, he just seemed off… It’s fine” You placed a green four on the pile in the middle to continue the game.

Juhoon and James glanced at each other, knowing something was off, but nothing was said as they kept playing.

“What is it Hyung?” Woojin asked when he seen Ryul grip his phone.

“She’s with James and Juhoon again at Hybe” He slips his phone in his pocket to save him from smashing it.

“They’re just friends Ryul” Woojin was walking on eggshells trying to calm him down. “I think everyone can tell you like her, they wouldn’t do anything” Ryul’s head snapped at the younger boy, who was now cowering under his beanie.

“Shut up, it’s not obvious” Woojin rolled his eyes dramatically and mocked his older friend when he turned back to the window.

Woojin and everyone else knew he liked you except you, it was like a bubble of confusion surrounded you and Ryul from knowing the truth. Woojin hadn’t figured out if you liked him back though, a lot of mixed signals, but deep down he knew you liked Ryul.

“Okay, I’m done” Juhoon threw down his cards after James won yet another game of Uno. “You’re both cheating”

“That’s why I never play with them” Martin called from the bench he was sprawled over, his long legs dangling off the edge as he scrolled through Tiktok.

“We don’t even cheat with you, your just shit” You replied smugly, pushing all the card together into a neat deck and slotting them back into the box.

“Yeah bro, you get distracted after the second round” James added, laughing to himself.

James got up and grabbed his water bottle by the door, twisting it open and sipping it. You fell back onto the floor, stretching your leg muscles that hadn’t moved for twenty minutes, when the door slowly opened.

“Oh, hello” James greeted who entered the room, slightly bowing his head in respect to their guest. You assumed it was their choreographer coming back after his break so you didn’t bother to get up.

You kept your eyes closed and your back flat against the wood, ignoring the footsteps getting closer to your head.

They came to a stop, and you felt a cold drop of water land between the corner of your eye. “Oh, what the fuck?” You opened your eyes to see the base of a plastic cup filled with pint liquid. That’s when you remembered the strawberry milk tea. “My milk tea!” You sat up and snatched the cup from his hands, sipping from the straw immediately.

Ryul looked like he was stuck in a room of his worst enemies, his face stone cold and eyes wandering around. “Enjoy” His voice was deadpan, not like his usual cheerful self. He didn’t even joke about you being eager for the drink like he usually did.

“You good?” You asked, noticing how he was acting strange all of a sudden.

“Yeah, Woojin’s waiting for me out in the van, I better go” He started to walk away and you forced yourself to gulp the tea in your mouth.

“What? Tell him to come in, we can stay here for like twenty minutes until their break ends and I have to go home… You could be so nice and ask your driver to take me home” He stops in his steps as you got up.

Juhoon, Martin and James gave each other a knowing glance. Ever since they’d met Ryul he’s been standoff-ish, never really opening up to talk, especially if you were around. Juhoon was the first to conspire that he had a crush and didn’t like that you hung around other guys. James didn’t believe it, but Martin was all over it, loving how devoted Ryul was to you.

“No, you stay, I’ll call you later or something” He continued to the door and you looked at James confused. ‘What the fuck is wrong with him?’

“Ryul, c’mon, just stay”

“No, Y/n, it’s been a long day, just stay. I’m going home”

“What is with you?”

Now you started to follow him out the practice room. The Cortis boys didn’t even detest, just sat back and watched the exchange.

Little did you know the gossiped like teenagers when the door closed.

“Oh my god, this is the part in the kdrama when he confesses his love” Martin was now up, sitting with his back straight and knees bouncing in excitement.

“He’s just being a dick” James rolled his eyes, still sipping his water.

“Just because you like her, doesn’t mean you can ruin this”

“I do not like her!”

“You told me she was pretty after we first met at mnet” Juhoon piped up making Martins face light up in joy.

“Oh reeeaallyyyy”

“No I didn’t he’s fucking lying”

“Okay Mr.She’ssoprettyI’mgoingtocry” Juhoons hands were now on his hips accusingly.

James was left dumfounded.

“Kim Ryul, stop walking or slow down!” You struggled to keep his pace as he was trying to escape the building.

“I’m fine Y/n, can we just leave it for later” He didn’t turn around, but he noticeably slowed so you keep up.

“No Ryul… I don’t understand why you shut off when I’m with them” Your words where breathless as you speed walked beside him. “You don’t act that way when I’m with your members, fuck, even Ohyul can be more annoying than them sometimes and you don’t shut off” He stopped walking at the entrance, the van waiting for him just outside. You slammed into his back, winding yourself.

“That’s different y/n, I know my members, I don’t know them” He points behind you in the direction of the practice room.

You were shocked, how could he be so judgmental of your friends if he didn’t even bother to get to know them. “Well, I know them, and I met Cortis before I met you”

“Only a month before”

“A month is a lot longer than you think”

“I call you every day, I basically see you every day, I know you like the back of my hand, they couldn’t say the same…”

“Why are you being like this, it’s like your jealous”

Ryul rolls his eyes and leaves through the glass door and heads for the van. You grab his wrist, stopping him. You know your strength and it wasn’t strong enough to hold him back.

“Maybe I am… Okay”

You were rendered silent, you couldn’t get a word out, your brain not conjuring anything.

“I don’t like seeing you with them because I’m jealous… I don’t like that they get to hear your laugh, or see the way your cheeks go red when you smile too hard, and I really don’t like that they get to touch you” He pulls his wrist out of your grip, his face faltering from his angry stare, it slightly softens seeing how you went silent and your lashes fluttered at his words.

He turns away when he realizes you have nothing to say and slides open the van door to reveal Woojin sipping a smoothie.

“Hi y/n” He beamed, pretending he didn’t hear Ryuls confession.

“Not now Woojin” his voice low as he climbed in.

“Oh…”

“Hey Woo” You replied quietly, basically a mumble.

The door slams in your face, you couldn’t see them through the black out windows, but they could see you. Stood like a statue, brows twitching in confusion while you stared at the door like it would give you answers.

“Why didn’t you just tell her” Woojin asked, his smoothie no longer appetizing to him.

“Now isn’t the time” Ryul turns towards his door, staring out the window to distract himself from the burning in his heart.

Why didn’t he tell her…?

Coward.

You turned towards the Hybe building again after the van drove off, your head spiraling with thoughts, trying to understand what he meant. Why would he be jealous, there’s nothing to be jealous about…

You opened the practice room door and seen all of Cortis huddled together, they turn towards you with huge grins.

“Did he confess his undying love like in the kdramas?” James hit Martin for that question.

“Are you okay?” Juhoon asked, seeing how your mood had dampened from earlier.

“Uh… Yeah, he’s probably just tired”

The members all looked between them knowingly. Ryul was obviously too scared to tell you the truth, chickened out and probably hurt your feelings because of it.

You laid in your bed, tossing and turning . Ryul never called like he said he would and you couldn’t stop thinking about what he said earlier “I don’t like seeing you with them because I’m jealous… I don’t like that they get to hear your laugh, or see the way your cheeks go red when you smile too hard, and I really don’t like that they get to touch you”

Then it hit you, reminding yourself of what Martin said when you came back about confessing his love. Ryul liked you. He wanted you to himself, insecure about the other guys possibly wanting the same.

You wanted him too, you have ever since you met him, the day you arrived at More Vision, you were a training hair stylist shadowing one of their regular hairdressers, she was assigned to Ryul and you couldn’t pay attention because you kept staring at him. He asked so many questions about your life and ended up referring you to his manager, landing you the roll of their hair stylist.

You grabbed your phone from under your pillow and called Ryul, it took three tries before he finally answered.

“What?” His words were slower than usual, but the harsh undertone was evident.

“I like you Ryul, and I know you like me too that’s why you’re so jealous”

“I wasn’t jealous… Your making things…. up”

“Are you drunk?”

“Possibly”

“Where are you?”

“Mmm… Maybe a bar…. Maybe with Ohyul and Woonhak”

“Where is this maybe bar?”

“Don’t come here y/n… I didn’t say anything because… I’m a coward, be with James, he likes you or whatever”

“Shut up, I’ll be ten minutes”

You hung up the phone and immediately texted Ohyul. Luckily, he replied fast and told you what bar they were at. You rushed out of bed and changed into whatever was on the floor.

You arrived at the bar, Ohyul and Woonhak were playing with the pinball machine, rocking it side to side so the ball goes into place. Your eyes wandered around until you spotted Ryul sitting by himself around a table for three, head buried into his arms, blocking out his surroundings.

You walked over and sat next to him, staring at him for a few seconds until you gained the courage to tap his shoulder. “Ryul” He lifted his head at the sound of his name. Eyes dilated and bloodshot from the amount of alcohol he drank.

“I told you not to come, I’m having fun” His head fell back into his arms.

“Sure looks like it” He huffs at your sarcastic remark. “I like you Ryul, I don’t care if you deny it, I already know how you feel… I want you and only you, it’s been that way for months”

He doesn’t move, head staying tucked between his arms.

“Fine, say nothing”

What were you thinking, coming here when he’s clearly drunk, he didn’t confess for a reason, stop pushing it.

You got up to leave when you felt his hand tightly grip your wrist. “Wait, I didn’t say go” He licks his lips and tries to focus his eyes onto you. “I do like you, I just wanted to ask you out in a better way” He moved his hand to hold your wrist. “Be mine, nobody elses” His words may be slurred but they hit you like a truck, your cheeks flushing and your neck feeling red hot.

“I really hope you remember this tomorrow because yes… I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” He smiled softly, eyes sparkling up at you. “I sooo want to kiss you right now, but I drank a LOT of vodka” You just shook your head and pulled him into a kiss.

It was soft, slow. His lips moving against yours like it was meant to be. You could taste the sting of vodka on his lips, not what you’d imagine your first kiss would him would be like.

He pulls back and smiles, the goofiest grin planted on his lips.

“Let’s get you some food” You laughed and pulled him off the stool to drag him out the bar and to the closest fast-food place.

“This can’t be our first date; I’ll fly you anywhere you want. Paris maybe? It’s supposed to be romantic or whatever, or Italy something like that” He rambled on beside you as he used you like a walking stick.

444 ─── kim ryul.

sყnopsis ⋮ ryul and you broke up nine months ago, but even after many failed 'no contact' attempts, you always end up in his passenger seat. after three successful months of silence, you relapsed into him tonight. moral of the story? the most painful ending isn’t a goodbye, but a promise to haunt each other until you’re both ready to love without hurting.

୨𝑒 𑜴ᥲrnings ⋮ mature content, MDNI. written to '444' by yan block. angst, with little to no comfort. morally grey love, unattainable. ex!ryul, bestie!ohyul. poker references (easy to catch), mentions of vaping and nicotine. hints on sex, vulgar language, emotional dependency, obsession, destructive behavior, unhealthy coping mechanisms, bittersweet open ending. by any means this intends damaging the image and/or reputation of the involved artists, this is pure fiction.

◝◜ 6 ss / 2k w.c ᘏᘏ navigation ◝◜ 2nd part?

you threw your phone across the bed and lay on your back for a few minutes, letting the conversation you’d just had sink in.

loving ryul might have been easy; being loved by him was definitely not.

he didn't cheat; he just never could. loyalty ran too deep in his bloodstream.

but his loyalty to himself was stronger than any existing bond in the universe. his ambitions, his goals, and his achievements would always come first.

he didn't yell; he just never could. respect ran too deep in his bloodstream.

instead, he ignored you. if something made him mad, he wouldn't talk about it until it all compressed and decompressed into a single, loud, silent explosion. those explosions translated into days of barely speaking, nothing beyond the "good morning" and "good night" texts.

he didn't hit; he just never could. protectiveness ran too deep in his bloodstream.

so protective that he’d get angry if anyone got too close to you. he unintentionally drifted you away from your friends, and from your life before him in general. he thought he could take better care of you than anyone else.

he didn't cheat, he didn't yell, he didn't hit. but he did all of that and worse, without ever actually doing it.

you mutually decided to break up nine months ago, after weeks of deliberating whether it was truly the best option. you knew you couldn't be together; you were too damaging for each other.

but it also felt so good. those days when he wasn't giving you the silent treatment, and you weren't mad at him for letting some random girl stare at him for too long, felt like having your favorite dessert when you're sick. like skipping school on a rainy day. like sleeping on the cold side of the pillow with the blanket tucking you in just right.

ryul was a dopamine rush. that kind of pain that makes you feel more alive than any happiness ever could. but schedules were too tight, and some nights felt too cold. desire and love never faded away; it was the commitment that did.

you spent the best and worst year of your life with him—both adjectives belonging entirely to him. as for the past three months, you had been enjoying peace.

it was while talking to your best friend, ohyul. he’d snatched the phone from your hands—fingers slippery, accidentally typing out another “i miss you” in that chat. you had managed, for about six months, to end up in that man’s apartment three or four times already. isn’t it funny? so, he tried to take justice into his own hands; he blocked the number and made sure you respected yourself enough not to text ryul. what a faithful guy.

you were strong. you resisted the urge. you did your best.

but there is no worse thing than feeling alone, looking at your surroundings, and noticing that you are, in fact, alone.

that’s why you unblocked him this morning. out of loneliness. out of need. out of desperation. because he was the only person in this world who always wanted to come back to you.

and you loved that.

your ringtone snapped you out of that thought anyway. you already knew who it was. “i’m outside,” was all you heard on the line.

you hung up without saying a word and rushed toward the door. still in the clothes you had worn throughout the day, in socks with no shoes. you stayed still for a bit, like a damn rock.

he rolled down the car window, staring at you intently, waiting for you to move. “you ain’t hoppin' in?”

you just stared at your bare feet. there was no way for you to step outside that house. “lemme just go get my shoes.”

“no, wait,” he stopped you as he got out of the car himself, making his way to the door. “you had plenty of damn time to do that,” he said, carefully placing one arm behind your knees and the other on your back, lifting you as if you were light as a feather.

“all bluff”, you muttered against his neck. “what if it’s not?”, he countered, voice low to be respectful of the neighbours. "but if it were, i still got the goddamn pot, didn't i?"

you felt your heart shatter a little bit at those words, knowing that wasn’t even close to how mean he could get. “what a confession”, you said, struggling to make him let you go.

he only tightened his grip, showing you that his size wasn't just intimidating, but effective. “don’t be silly, you know it’s pure skill, zero bluff.” he searched for your gaze, and when he found it, he smiled to add. “as long as i’ve got the queen in my hand.”

without letting go of you, he leaned in just enough for his right hand to reach the handle and open the passenger door of his mercedes—the seat that would always be yours. so much so, that no one else had sat there since the title between the two of you ceased to exist.

he placed you inside with a caress that almost felt like true love; maybe because it was. then, he shut the door and walked around to the driver's side.

you studied the car for three seconds, which felt like an eternity. people say that hair holds memories, but surely not as many as the seat you were in. a blueberry-ice scent perfuming the air, colder than any winter night, and the music playing low but loud enough to be enjoyed.

“the aux is mine now,” you claimed right away as the car started moving, unplugging his phone.

“everything here is,” he whispered with a smirk, taking a long drag from his puff, eyes fixed on the road. he exhaled slowly, smoke waves wandering around since the windows were rolled up. then, he dropped the puff to his lap to reach for your thigh with his free hand. “welcome back home”, rubbing with his thumb.

“shouldn’t you say that once we actually get to your place?”

“home is where your heart is.”

“my heart’s certainly not in this car.”

“it is now,” he countered, turning his gaze toward you, taking advantage of the red light. “your heart is wherever the heck i am.”

the fact that there was no lie in that sentence got you in a chokehold. or maybe it was the smoke.

yeah. let’s say it was the smoke.

thus, you rolled down your window and unbuckled your seatbelt, tucking your head out as he sped up.

hair streaming in the wind, hitting your face to ground you in the present, chase atlantic playing in the background.

he’d glance over every now and then, smiling without you knowing, sometimes pouting slightly, missing those days when he could see this whenever he needed to. he started to regret every milligram of nicotine in his body, because maybe without them, he could treasure the image for longer.

it hurt him to know he had to treasure this. because it hurt that he couldn’t make this last forever.

suddenly, your ringtone started blasting in the aux. you swallowed hard when you read the name “kwon” lit up in the screen, and shut your eyes before picking up.

“where the hell are you, y/n?”

“home. why, yuyu?”

“yeah? your snap map doesn’t show the fricking same.”

“must be a bug…”

a deadpan silence followed. then, a heavy sigh.

“you’re trouble. be happy, i guess.”

as soon as he hung up, the playlist started again. you tried to act the fool—nonchalant, unworried.

“hah, ohyulie,” ryul would recognize that voice anywhere, so he snapped with a chuckle, nodding his head and even tucking the tip of his tongue out to lick his lower lip in the middle of a wide smile. “that makes a lot of sense now. send him my blessings,” he added. “he must have been the happiest bestie these past three months.”

“no right to talk about him”, you flashed.

“every right to.”

“you know that’s wrong,” a pause. “you know this all is wrong.”

“but isn’t it fun too? always having each other?”, he genuinely asked, concerned expression on his face.

“so why haven’t we tried to work it out?”

ryul slammed on the brakes the second those words left your mouth, earning a piercing screech from the tires. “you sure you mean that?”

you simply nodded.

“sheesh,” he ran his hand through his hair, his composure finally cracking. “we’re having that conversation? then let’s get to my house first.”

𓏼𝜗℘

“the thing is, we already proved that love and desire aren’t enough,” he explained, his hands holding yours as you both sat on his bed. “that’d imply hurting each other again as a high probability, baby.”

you hated how responsible he could get sometimes.

“it’s not as if we weren’t hurting right now,” you replied. “if it’s love, why are we hurting each other?”

“i know this messes with your mind… but you always say ‘no feelings’ every time you reach out to me,” he pointed out. it was true. he was always the one to give in whenever you set your conditions. “i’m okay even if you're just looking at me and listening to me. i'm okay with being yours, at least for a little while,” he whispered, tears starting to form in his pretty eyes. “i mean… not okay. but i can bear it, if it’s for you.”

“but what else do you want?!” you collapsed, the weight of it all finally breaking you. “i always pick up when you call, i always end up here!”

“life’s been awful, y/n,” he wiped your tears away with his thumbs, cupping your face and making eye contact as if he were talking to your very soul. “i feel like hell is coming for me, and i just want to die next to you, nothing else. i can’t stand this if you’re not with me.”

“then what if we try it out?” you proposed again, desperate.

“not yet, y/n,” his voice cracking with every word. “i’d love to, i swear i’d love to.” he hugged you tight against his chest, pulling you onto his lap. his heartbeat raced as he betrayed his own will to spend eternity with you, just to protect you. “but we’re not ready yet. we have to grow. we have to be better. i’ve been working on it, i promise…”

“but we can grow together, be better together,” you still tried to convince him in a raw cry that broke his heart centimeter by centimeter.

“not really, honey. not really.”

“so we’re gonna go no contact again? make our lives separately again? forget about each other?”

“we should,” he whispered. “though we’ve never done what we should do. and that’s why we’re here.”

“let’s stay like this,” you finally surrendered. “i’d rather keep losing with you than start winning without you.”

“no, you don’t… if it’s love, why are we hurting each other?” he rationalized, his tone growing calmer as he brushed your hair with one hand and patted your back with the other. “i want only the best for you, and you’ll reach that once you learn how to live without me.”

“is this a definite goodbye?”

“i hope it isn’t. i’ll work hard for us to meet as different people in the future.”

“bluff,” you clenched your teeth. “that’s pure bluff. they say that and then proceed to disappear forever.”

“they,” he pronounced clearly. “i’m not them. i’m special, i’m number one, and… even if i bluffed…”

“you’d get the pot,” you completed.

𓏼𝜗℘

the rest of the night was intimate. intimate in the sense of vulnerable. fragile. melancholic. in mourning. he drove you back home around 5 AM, and that goodbye kiss felt like seeing him off to war.

you weren’t able to sleep. your phone vibrated once under the pillow that was catching your stray tears. two times. three times. four times. five times.

you opened the notifications. you read the messages. you tried to reply. and just like that, the most beautifully chaotic chapter of your life seemed to come to an end.

- ☾ i see my reflection in your eyes

「 Kim Ryul 」╱

Kim Ryul, a high school student that’s school's most feared delinquent to feel the hole his father being murdered left. The perfect honor student, whom is just because thinks is the only way she can feel worth of living. Isn’t even able to raise her voice to stand for herself, slowly become the only place where they feel seen, even though they know love alone won't save either of them.

──────── ☼ ────────

『 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚂』 Kim Ryul × fem!reader, angst, strangers to lovers, hurt/no comfort, delinquent!ryul, rich girl, academic pressure, introvert x extrovert, absent parents, cursing, underground fights, smoking, drinking, drugs, mention of depression, emotional dependence, slow burn, first love, mention of deaths, trauma,

(Btw this is my first time uploading sm, and English it’s not my first language so if there’s anything that you guys notice pls let me know, hope u understand. I’ll take it. And I hope you guys like it <3 sorry if there any mistake TT, also if you don’t like the name just imagine it’s yours I just don’t like y/n but if you guys like it I’ll put that on the next one, also some lines are inspired in TSITP ;) )

“He taught her how to live. She taught him he was still worth loving.”

Kim RYUL grew up believing that being a good person meant nothing. His old man was the kindest person he had ever known, the man he admired the most, he thought everything was possible because even though his father was dealing with a lot of problems like financial problems or depression, he smiled and told them everything would be okay. Yet he was murdered, From that day on, he stopped believing in people, thought everything was a lie... That even though you were kind and happy, good, life would punish you like that. He picked up smoking, drinking, and bullying people, hitting them for no reason, at all, making their life's miserable, fighting in illegal rings, earning a reputation as the school's most feared delinquent and bully. He was a criminal. Everyone knew him through fear, bruised knuckles.

No one knew that behind that mask where he acted like he didn't care about anything, like he ruled the world, he did.

y/n couldn't be more different. Born into wealth, being the president of the student council, a model student-the kind who never breaks the rules, never raises her voice, never gives her opinions, always comes home with perfect grades. But she doesn't study because she enjoys it. She never did, she studies because she'd spent her entire life thinking that if she had perfect grades, she would finally get her parents love, she wouldn't be a failure for them, they didn't even though about that. She wanted to earn something she'd never have ‘her parents' love and attention’…Or someone’s?. Surrounded by luxury, she has never felt more alone.

They studied in the same school, yet, they had never talked, or crossed paths, or look at each other.

She knew him, she had heard of him and all the bad stuff he does, but didn't care about him.

The digital clock on her desk blinked 10:47 p.m.

Her chemistry project was spread across every inch of the table-textbooks, papers, highlighted notes, colors, paints and calculations. She had spent the last four hours working without taking a break.

She never did.

She stared at the instructions one last time.

Glue? This wasn't wrote at the start.

Her eyes drifted toward the nearly empty bottle sitting beside her notebook. There wasn’t more enough to finish her experiment. She let out a quiet sigh before pushing herself out of her chair.

The big house was silent, except for the sound of the television downstairs.

She walked carefully down the staircase, still holding the list of materials in her hand.

Her father sat on opposite ends of the couch, their attention fixed entirely on the soccer playing across the television screen. And her mother just reading a fashion magazine. Neither of them noticed she had entered the room.

…”Mom?" "Dad?"

Her father only hummed absentmindedly, never taking his eyes off the screen.

"I need to go buy something for my chemistry assignment”

Another few seconds passed. Her mother reached for her cigarette and took a deep sigh.

"Can I go?"

"Do whatever you want."

That was it. No It's late. No be careful. No Do you want me to drive you?

She left and closed the door behind her. And the moment she started walking towards the store? the rain had only gotten worse. Streetlights reflected against the soaked pavement as she hurried toward the only stationery store that was still open. She rushed.

The owner smiled politely as she paid for the last materials she needed. She smiled politely and left.

Within minutes, she was on her way home again, hugging the paper bag tightly against her chest to keep it dry. The streets were nearly empty.

"Come on." Only the sound of rain accompanied her footsteps. She pulled her phone to answer a message, but when she turned her head around by pure instinct she felt someone running towards her.

Fast. She frowned, turning her head confused just as someone rounded the corner at full speed.

A boy, not just any boy. Kim Ryul.

His white school shirt was all soaked, stained with rain and blood. His breathing was desperately like he'd been running a lot, and his knuckles were split open.

Drop dead. She froze. Every rumor she’d ever heard about Kim Ryul came rushing back all at once.

Within a second, he slammed directly into her. The paper bag slipped from her hands. Her chemistry materials flew across the wet pavement.

He groaned, who was this stupid girl and why she didn't moved away?

He looked down at her. A classmate? Her uniform under a jacket. Oh no, wearing the same uniform at him, right now. At 10PM? While he was being chased? They would relate that girl with him.

You gotta be kidding me. Before she could even react, his hand wrapped tightly around her arm.

"Don't make a sound." he said

Her heart stopped. She looked up at him.

“Are you going to hurt me?”

He didn't answer. He just frowned and scoffed at her. Instead of answering looked over his shoulder.

...”Shit." Several voices echoed from the other end of the street.

"| saw him!" "He ran this way!"

Without thinking twice, he grabbed her sleeve and pulled her toward the entrance of an abandoned building hidden between two narrow alleys. She stumbled after him.

"What are you-" "Where are you taking me?!"

"Quiet before I kill you before we get killed." He mumbled

He pulled her behind a crumbling concrete wall, keeping both of them completely out of sight. The footsteps grew louder. Closer. She was nervous, she didn't wanted to die. Ryul lifted a finger to his own lips.

...”Shut up. Don't make a sound" he whispered

A group of boys sprinted past the entrance, shouting his name as they disappeared farther down the street.

"Kim Ryul! You wanna die?!"

"Just as your dad?! You motherfucker."

Silence. She could see him clenching his jaw holding himself from going and punch that idiot's face till he couldn't breathe more. Only then did he finally let go of her wrist. She immediately took two steps back, rubbing the spot where he'd been holding her.

Why he had to grab her so aggressively? He noticed. His voice was sharp.

“…Relax.” He frowned his eyebrows.

“If I wanted to hurt you… I would’ve done it already.”

For the first time, he actually looked at her. A stranger girl from his school, staring at him with wide, scared eyes. Yeah of course, she saw him as everyone saw him, with fear. He glanced down at the soaked paper bag lying near the entrance, then sighed.

Without another word, he turned to leave. By the time she stepped back outside... He was already gone.

All that remained were muddy footprints slowly disappearing beneath the rain.

The next morning, she convinced herself she had imagined everything, Maybe the blood, Maybe the bruises, Maybe that he had to hide because he was escaping from bad people. It was real. All the rumors about him were true.

She was thinking, walking as she stepped into the student affairs office, she carried a stack of attendance reports against her chest, greeting the coordinator with a polite bow.

"Good morning." The woman smiled. But the smile disappeared immediately when she turned back to the person sitting in front of her.

"Perfect timing” Only then did she notice someone else standing in the room. Kim Ryul. Again.

His white school shirt was wrinkled, his tie hung loosely around his neck, the blazer of the school hanging over his shoulder and fresh bruises painted over his knuckles. One hand was over his knee. Awkwardly, the other spun a pen between his fingers.

He looked... exactly like he had the night before. For a brief second, their eyes met. It's him. It's her.

The bruised boy that was in big trouble.

Her grip around the folders tightened.

He recognized her too. What was she doing there? Yeah maybe she was a nerd that the teachers liked too much to let her in.

The scared girl from the rain.

"Haven't you learned your lesson?" the coordinator sighed, turning toward Ryul. Frown all over her face like if it was something she did every single day. Scold him.

"Kim Ryul let's see...More skipped classes, Another fight, and…wow…three different students have filed complaints against you this week, anything else?" She said

Ryul shrugged and scoffed. “So?"

"So? You gotta be kidding!" she repeated in disbelief.

"You think this is a joke? You're a mess, seriously, and we let's not even talk about your grades." Silence. He leaned against the chair, completely unfazed. He just raised his eyebrows uninterested.

"You'll be serving three weeks of afterschool detention."

“Uh huh” He didn't react.

"And"

She turned and nodded her head towards y/n. Still figuring out the calendar of events from school. “...Our student council president will be supervising you."

Both of them looked up at the same time.

Ryul scoffed, yeah, not even the principal could order him around. Neither this girl that happened to be the president of student council. That was new, the coordinator smiled as though she'd just solved the world's greatest problem.

"I'm sure she'll keep you in line, right?." She said

Ryul let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, good luck with that."

The coordinator gathered a few papers and rolled her eyes taking a deep breath, tired of Ryul. She got up from her desk before walking toward the door.

"I hope you realize you’re running your own life, Kim Ryul." The office fell silent the moment she left.

Y/n couldn't even talk about what she thought about that, didn't have her own opinion.

Neither of them spoke. Ryul finally broke the silence. He tilted his head slightly.

"So.you're really gonna be my babysitter for whole three weeks? Come on. You don't wanna have problems with me…deal with me...just say you're busy or something.” He said scoffing.

She swallowed. y/n raised her eyebrows.

"I don't have a choice." she said.

A faint smirk appeared on his face. Close enough for her to notice the cut beneath his eyebrow.

"You do. I remember you. You were scared of me then." He leaned toward her as he got up from the chair.

"So..." he mumbled. "Are you still thinking about detention?"

She looked down at the folders she was holding, taking a slow breath before meeting his eyes again.

...”Your detention starts tomorrow"

The answer seemed to catch him off guard. "You're making a big mistake."

She straightened her posture. "For the next three weeks, you'll be attending detention."

Ryul stared at her for a moment. Then scoffed. ...”You're fucked"

He walked past her, shoving one hand into his pocket. “We’ll see how long that courage lasts, President.”

The first week of detention was awfully quiet. Well, until Kim Ryul decided he was bored, and wanted to bother her till she got tired and put an end to his detention. y/n sat across from him every afternoon, surrounded by textbooks and neatly organized notes. University entrance exams were only a few months away, and every minute mattered.

Kim Ryul? had absolutely nothing to do. For the first twenty minutes, he drummed his fingers against the desk. Then he started spinning his pen. Making annoying noises. Yelling. Then kicking the leg of his chair. He slept some minutes. Moved his chair around to make noise. Then started humming some random song under his breath. Every few minutes, y/n would glance up from her notes before forcing herself to focus again. She couldn’t.

She never complained. That somehow annoyed him even more. She was boring. Why the universe suddenly put this boring girl on his life?

“…Yah, weird girl, Do you ever stop studying?” He asked, tired of trying to bother her with loud sounds. He would try to find something to piss off this girl. No answer. He leaned farther back in his chair.

“You know those books aren’t gonna run away, right?” He said with a palm under his chin. Silence. Ryul clicked his tongue.

“Really. Weird.” He watched her for another minute. Rich parents. Perfect grades. Student council president. Perfect uniform. Perfect handwriting. Perfect everything, he frowned. And smirked. It didn’t make sense.

“You seem so sad for a girl so perfect. You’re trying to impress somebody?”

For the first time all afternoon… Her pencil stopped. Barely. But he noticed. A smirk appeared on his face.

“Oh… So that’s what it is.” He threw carelessly. He said. “Your parents don’t love you or something?”

For the first time since detention had started. Only for a second. She scoffed. Please. Someone stop him. That tiny pause was enough. Ryul noticed.

She walked toward the door before stopping for a brief second. Without turning around.

“…It’s none of your business.” The classroom door closed behind her. Ryul stayed where he was, staring at the empty chair she’d left behind, He looked down at the notebook she’d forgotten to zip into her backpack. He waited until the classroom door clicked shut.

“…Finally! Im free of that humorless person.” He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a dramatic sigh.

“Freedom.” He said as he stood up, grabbed his backpack from the floor. He was about to leave when something on the desk caught his attention. A notebook. He picked it up. The front cover was covered in perfectly neat handwriting.

y/n? That girl’s name

“…Seriously?” He rolled his eyes. Clicking his tongue, he shoved the notebook under his arm and walked out of the classroom. He ran outside at the entrance of the school, around the campus.

“Hey.” No response. “President.” She kept walking. “…yah! y/n!”

She finally stopped. “What?” She said turning around bothered.

He held up the notebook. “You forgot this.”

She looked down before quietly taking it from his hands. “…Thank you.” She turned to leave.

“That’s it?” He said

She looked back. She frowned confused. Annoyed.

“I saved your life days ago. I returned your notebook today.” “And all I get is a ‘thank you’?” He said

“…You didn’t saved my life, you want a Nobel prize?.” She said frowning annoyed.

“I kinda did..and it wouldn’t be bad.” He said scratching the back of his neck

“You also told me you would kill me.” She said

Ryul kept scratching the back of his neck. And then stopped. “…Damn, that’s true.”

For a brief second… Neither of them said anything. Then, without really thinking about it, Ryul started walking beside her.

“So..y/n? What are you always studying for? You got pissed from what I asked right?”

She rolled her eyes. She had never ever talked with someone about her personal issues. And she didn’t intend to talk with Kim Ryul about them. She stopped a bit to turn to see him and frowned.

“Do you ever think about what you say?.” She said and turned to keep walking. She glanced at him. “…You’re really annoying, you know?”

A grin spread across his face. Because if it wasn’t her, even though he was a girl he probably would have reacted aggravated. But this girl was easy to annoy. He was chill right now. The president council. She could make detention more easy. Maybe even cancel it.

“There it is. You’ve said more words to me in the last minute than you have all week, jeez.”

She blinked. The realization surprised both of them. More her. She ignored him and kept walking. Neither of them noticed they had already walked all the way to the school gates together.

It was weird. Someone as Ryul and y/n were totally different, why they suddenly crossed paths? The next days that followed settled into a strange routine. Ryul and y/n themselves—didn’t understood why. Ryul throwing careless words just to see her reaction, even as a small part of him waited for her to push back harder. To talk for herself.

Sometimes Ryul disappeared halfway through the conversation without saying goodbye, leaving behind a faint irritation in y/n that lingered longer than she cared to admit. y/n simply walked away after getting tired of listening to him, Ryul had always been surrounded by people. Classmates laughed at his jokes.

Girls giggled his name in the hallways. Friends that actually stood by him because of fear. Everyone knew who Kim Ryul was. But no one actually knew him he wondered if there was anything real beneath the version of himself everyone seemed to accept so much.

y/n was the opposite. People admired her, though they knew her. No one did and she questioned whether she had become the role she played, rather than the person she once was. From the outside… They couldn’t have been more different. One hid behind violence, using it as a shield to keep others from getting too close. The other hid behind perfection, afraid that even the smallest crack would make everything collapse. Afraid of talking. About what they actually wanted

Neither of them realized they had been wearing masks for so long… without realizing it, they had begun to notice the cracks in each other first.

From that afternoon on, detention became a little quieter. The second week of detention felt different. Y/n never stopped pretending he wasn’t getting on her nerves.

The classroom would slowly empty.

One by one, the other students serving detention would leave. The teachers would disappear into the faculty offices.

Only the two of them remained. Their conversations never lasted long. Most of them ended in arguments. Ryul made fun of her grades. y/n complained about his attitude. He called her “President.” She called him a jerk. Neither of them realized those small conversations had quietly become part of their routine.

Then, one afternoon… Ryul didn’t show up. y/n frowned at the empty chair across from her. She checked the attendance sheet. Absent. She sighed, wrote his name down anyway and finished supervising detention alone.

The next day. He finally appeared. Late, nothing new from him. His lip was split open. A bruise darkened the side of his jaw. His knuckles looked worse than usual.

y/n immediately frowned. Pretended not to care

“You’re late.” She said

Ryul dropped into his chair without looking at her. “Yeah no shit.”

“I’m marking you absent.” She said

“Go ahead.” He said without hesitation, challenging her.

He finally looked up. “…do whatever you want.” Something in his voice felt different.

Exhausted. Silence filled the classroom. y/n stared at him for a moment before quietly asking,

“…What happened?”

Ryul laughed once. A bitter laugh.

“You think you’re the only person whose life’s a mess?”

“Who said my life’s a mess?” She said

“Y/N DONT fuck with me”

He said. She stayed quiet. What was wrong with him?

He looked down at his bruised hands.

“You know I lost someone…life disappointed me”

Another silence.

“I thought if I stopped caring about people…it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

He shrugged. “He was a good person, and yet, he got killed, stupid life.”

That was all he said. He didn’t explain.

He didn’t cry. He simply opened his notebook and stared at the empty page. y/n looked at him differently after that. Not because she pitied him. But bc She realized the boy everyone feared was carrying something much heavier than bruises

She went home, Did her usual routine, she showered and went to bed after studying some subjects.

That night…at 11pm… Her phone vibrated.

Unknown Number

“come outside.”

She frowned at the message. A second one arrived.

“don’t make me throw rocks at your window, president.”

She frowned and turned to the window of her room. And saw him. Wearing all black. Freezing. She opened the window

“What are you doing here? It’s 11:21!” she said frowning

“You coming or what? Or you’re too good and afraid of breaking rules” he said chuckling while seeing her

She rolled her eyes. She thought her parents would kill her. But actually they wouldn’t even care.

“Whatever..if I die it’s your fault..”

She left through the window and stepped a foot outside, Ryul helped her.

She should’ve said no. Instead, she followed him. Neither of them talked much. The city slowly faded behind them until the lights of the Han River reflected across the dark water. Cars passed in the distance. The wind was colder than either of them expected. They stood by some benches and sat down. For a while, they simply sat there.

“y/n…” Ryul finally said, pulling a cigarette from the pocket of his blazer. “You never answered my question.”

“You didn’t answered mine neither”

“No..your question about quitting illegal fighting..it’s not possible..your turn. Why do you act like the world’s gonna end if you don’t get perfect grades?”

She lowered her eyes. Gosh she wished it was easy to explain. As if someone as idiot as him would understand her pain of being depressed, right?

“…It’s complicated.” She said

He lit the cigarette. “So make it simple.”

Silence. Between them, she looked at him.

“My parents…” she began quietly. “They’re not bad people.”

Another pause.

“They just… They’ve never really cared about what I think. Or about me”

Ryul took a drag before looking at her.

“So tell them.”

She let out a quiet laugh. That was her principal concern, she didn’t had a voice. Not infront of them. Not opinions.

“You really think it’s that easy?” She scoffed

“Isn’t it?.” He said smoking.

“It isn’t.”

He shrugged. “Then make it easy.”

Before taking another drag, he noticed the expression on her face. A grimace. He frowned confused with the stranger girl expression.

“You got a problem with me?”

She hesitated. “…I don’t like people who smoke, or cigarettes...”

He looked down at the one between his fingers, debating whether give it another puff or not.

“My mom smokes.” She wrapped her hand around arm nervously. Like trying to speak without feeling it.

“The whole house smells like them. I hate that smell.”

“I hate that every time I smell one…it reminds me that I never say anything.”

“I don’t tell her to stop.”

“I don’t tell either of my parents how I feel.”

“I just…keep quiet. I’m afraid that I’ll just ruin everything I’ve tried to build”

Ryul looked at the cigarette for a long second. Without saying anything… He pressed it against the railing until the ember disappeared. Nonchalantly.

Unbothered. After another stretch of silence, Ryul rested both elbows on the railing.

“I know what’s your big problem” he said

She frowned. “What?”

“You never let anything out.” He suddenly cupped his hands around his mouth. And screamed like a pathetic kid. His voice echoed over the river. A couple walking by turned to stare. Someone laughed. Ryul didn’t care. He looked back at her.

“See?”

She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“What are you doing? Oh my gosh you’re so embarrassing..”

“Getting it out. Something you can’t do”

“Shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“So?” He chuckled and smirked.

“Your turn.” He said.

She immediately shook her head. “No.”

“C’mon.”

“No”

“What are they gonna do? Arrest you?” He said laughing, where was the bully Kim Ryul?

She looked around nervously. People were still staring.

“I can’t.” She said shaking her head.

“You can.” He said laughing.

He shouted again, even louder than before.

“Y/N!”

She couldn’t help it. A tiny laugh escaped before she covered her mouth. Ryul noticed. He pointed at her with a satisfied smile.

“I’ve been trying to make you do that for weeks.” He said. Her cheeks warmed, not because of shyness.

“I wasn’t laughing.” “Liar.”

He nodded toward the river one last time.

“C’mon, President.” He said grabbing her jacket like an excited kid.

“Just once.”

She closed her eyes. Took a shaky breath.

And, for the first time in years… She screamed. Not because her life suddenly became easier. But because, for a single moment… She stopped being afraid of hearing her own voice.

He smirked and screamed after her again. They laughed, stupid laughs. Stupid kids. They thought they understood each other. Maybe they did. Maybe that was the problem.

The rest of the second week passed faster than either expected. Detention didn’t feel like detention anymore. Ryul hadn’t changed he was still late, still skipping classes, still arguing with teachers. y/n still complained, marking his name down with an annoyed sigh each afternoon.

Yet somehow… neither of them hated those three hours anymore. Ryul caught himself watching the clock during his last class—not for detention, but for her.

The girl who no longer looked at him with fear, but like she was trying to understand him. That scared him more. He was letting someone into his life. Someone who could disappoint him again. Hurt him.

y/n began noticing things she hadn’t before. His bruises that changed daily—jaw, ribs, swollen knuckles, bruised lips, He always brushed it off, like pain was just part of him.

Most of all… she hated that he believed he deserved it.

One afternoon, she stopped pretending not to notice. She told him to quit—not to control him, but because she was tired of watching him destroy himself. Because she cared about him. Someone was caring about him? her? He didn’t wanted to drag her with him. Ryul didn’t hear concern. He heard pity.

And he hated pity. The argument started small and spiraled. He told her to stop acting like she understood him. She told him getting beaten half to death wasn’t strength.

“Says the one who can even stand for herself” He scoffed, annoyed. She stood firmly.

She asked how long his body could take it. He asked how long she’d keep living for people who barely noticed her. Silence. That was a low blow. They weren’t talking about each other anymore.

When detention ended, they walked away in opposite directions.

That night, y/n told herself she wouldn’t hear from him again. Not late texts, as Ryul had been doing. Not sneaking out at night to see the stars with him.

It was better that way. Cleaner. Safer. Not trying to fix him. Help him.

She tried to focus on homework, but her mind kept drifting back to his voice—sharp, defensive, and underneath it… tired. At 11:48 p.m., her phone lit up.

Ryul.

“can i come over. please.”

“i’m pretty messed up. i don’t want my mom or my ani to see me like this.”

Her chest tightened. She was the only place he didn’t have to pretend. Her fingers trembled as she typed, erased, then finally sent—

“where are you.”

“outside your house.”

y/n froze. Her heart raced. She stood so quickly her chair scraped the floor. And there he was. Leaning against the wall. Head lowered. Hands in his pockets, she saw it; the blood. The swelling. For the first time… Kim Ryul didn’t look untouchable. He looked broken. And when he saw her, he didn’t smile. He just looked relieved

“Gosh look at you. Come on” she said, worried. Over Kim Ryul.

He chuckled faintly and followed her silently inside her house. The house was empty. All the people already sleeping. He looked around. It was really big and modern, you could tell her parents were into art because of the different statues, He looked around and distracted himself as he spotted some little statues.

“Ryul…let’s go” she whispered anxiously. She was risking it all for him, getting him into her house was risky.

He turned around and nodded following her, pretending he wasn’t feeling all the pain in the world; over his ribs, his slowly turning into purple eye, bruised cheeks and his lips. A whole mess.

“Stay here” she said as they stepped into her room.

He nodded and went and sat down on the bed. It was very quiet, an uncomfortable silence, so he observed, he was in a place where y/n spent most of her time, he felt closer to her there, to her thoughts, to her problems. He could see his reflection through her eyes everything, maybe they were similar at the end of the day. He got up and walked around the room. Everything was painfully… her. Stacks of books. books sprinkled everywhere. A desk lamp still glowing over unfinished homework. No pictures of friends. No photographs with her parents. Nothing that made the room feel lived in. notebooks, and tools with which she worked. Ryul smiled a little when he saw a photo of her as a child. y/n looked happy, maybe she was at that time. And more things, travel pins, keychains and more irrelevant things.

His eyes drifted toward the closed door. She was risking a lot. Not because her parents would probably catch them. Because she believed they would. She still cared enough to be afraid for him. The door opened again.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw that y/n returned to the room with a medicine cabinet in her hand. She was carrying a small plastic box filled with bandages, antiseptic and cotton pads. Without saying much, she sat beside him.

“…Your hand.” She said

Ryul looked at her for a second before quietly holding it out.

“…Youre going to feel like it’s burning.” “I’ve had worse.”

“Have you? You’re always saying that.” She said

“…Well Im not lying, y/n.” He said

She poured antiseptic over the split skin covering his knuckles. He didn’t flinch, she pressed against one of the cuts. He clenched his jaw.

“…Fuck” he groaned lowly

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “So it does burn.”

“…Don’t get used to it. I don’t like people seeing me like that”

A deep thought, he just gulped and looked away. She just nodded and continued to heal his wounds. Slowly so as not to hurt him, she cared about not hurting him, more than he was, physically and psychologically. Silence settled between them again. She continued to heal his jaw. His split lips. The cut beneath his eyebrow. She turned to the icy press she took from her refrigerator minutes before and pressed it on his eye, gently. There were too many bruises.

Too many for someone their age. But it was seen that it had been for a long time, there were scars that it was obvious that they would not disappear.

She let go of his hand but he took hers, he didn’t want to let it go. Not in a romantic way. Not because he liked her. But because it was the first time in a long time that someone touched him without wanting to hit him. But he realised, and let her go. He cleared his throat.

“How many times have you fought with someone? Or how many illegal fights have you participated in?” she asked, genuinely worried.

“I’ve lost the count.” He said frowning from the pain of his eye. She frowned.

He stayed quiet. For a long time. The only sound in the room was cotton rubbing against skin.

“You know, I thought if I hit people hard enough…I’d stop thinking about him.”

“I’m disappointed in life, my dad was a good man, even so he was killed. So what’s the point of treating others well?”

He laughed. A tired laugh.

“Besides, I haven’t been able to leave it even if I want to. It’s a hole that I dragged myself, and very deep. Make fun of others. Beating innocent people. Fighting for money or simply for impotence. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Even drugs..”

Another pause

“I wasn’t trying to get high. I was just trying not to think.”

His eyes stayed fixed on the floor.

“I feel like it’s not even me anymore. After my father’s death, it was hard for me to go back to being like before. My mom and sister act like everything is fine. They tell me time will heal everything. But it doesn’t work.”

“Just like my father. He suffered from debts. But he always smiled and told us that everything was going to be fine…And now I feel like an idiot for not helping him. For not having spent more time with him. And I want to get all this out..”

“I want to be normal again. Smile. Help my mom. My dad scolding me because I skipped class. Make mom smile for getting a simple 8 in math. Play with Ani. Hiking with my dad. But life doesn’t allow me to. I don’t want to be seen. I can’t. I miss me.”

Silence. His jaw tightened. No more thoughts. He began to talk for the first time about how he feels, he could have done it with anyone, but with no one he would feel seen and heard as with her.

“Time just taught me how to pretend.”

y/n finished wrapping the bandage around his hand. She noticed his fingers trembling. Not from pain. From something much deeper.

“…I couldn’t save him.”

His voice cracked. With one hand he grabbed his face while frowning. Holding back the tears.

“So every time someone gets hurt i keep thinking maybe if I had been stronger…”

He lowered his head. And shook his head. Finally he let out some tears. His shoulders shook once, then again, no loud sobs. No dramatic breakdown.

Just quiet tears falling onto the clean bandage wrapped around his hand.

Kim Ryul stopped pretending, she didn’t know what to say.

The weeks that followed felt… less awful. They talked now because they wanted to. Not because of the detention of Ryul. Nor because life had suddenly become easier.

It hadn’t. It would never.

Ryul still carried problems. Bruises. A broken heart. Disappointment.

y/n still went home to parents who barely noticed whether she was there or not. She tried to. Step by step, because of Ryul. Nothing around them had changed. They had, the hope they did. After that night, Being with her. At her side, where nobody expected him to pretend he was fine, He found himself being really observant and listening her, catching things she said.

She hated cigarettes. And for Ryul? the pack in his pocket stayed unopened longer than usual. She hated seeing him come back covered in bruises. He didn’t stop fighting… but for the first time, he started wondering if she was right. Maybe. Violence wasn’t the answer, he could find light in something else. In her.

He never told her. He simply…tried.

In his own way. He had a different way to show love.

y/n changed too in her own way. Still she always studied, got perfect grades. But she stopped believing every free minute had to belong to school, some days, she found herself waiting outside the gates because she knew Ryul would eventually appear to walk her home, Other times she let him drag her through the city with no destination at all, watch the stars, the moon, to save her. They walked more than they talked, but eventually that closeness crashed them, they eventually argued, because no one else would tell each other what they thought about them. y/n wouldn’t raise her voice with someone else that wasn’t Ryul, or Ryul wouldn’t show vulnerability to someone else who isn’t her, they argued. Fought, and sometimes they laughed over things that weren’t even funny. But they were trying to heal, heal each other, themselves. But they didn’t knew it.

Neither of them felt completely alone. For now.

But sometimes by little the heart starts losing its faith, losing the voice.

Little by little, their routine became each other. Loving each other harder. In their ways.

Not intentionally, It just… happened.

Some days Ryul would disappear before classes ended, only to show up the next day pretending nothing had happened.

Y/n would complain. He would shrug it off

They argued almost every single day. About his grades, because she was president at the end of the day.

About the bruises, he was killing himself.

About the people he picked on for no reason. Ruining their lives.

About how she spent every second of her life trying to be perfect. How she pretended to be someone she wasn’t, how she didn’t even dared to talk about her own opinions.

Neither of them ever won those arguments. Ryul would wait outside the student council room, leaning against the wall while pretending he wasn’t waiting for anyone. To apologize. When y/n walked out carrying another pile of paperwork, he’d look away immediately.

She’d roll her eyes. “You’ve been standing a whole life time.”

“You could’ve gone home.” She said.

“I know.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“…Then? Leave, why are you staying?”

“Idk, no reason” he said, there always was.

Some nights he’d throw tiny rocks against her bedroom window just to annoy her. Or to hang out with her. Sometimes she’d ignore him, others she’d open the curtains only to tell him to go away

But the other percentage of times… She left anyway, with him. They ever had a destination, through empty streets, they walked, the liked to. Past convenience stores, across bridges talking about nothing or talking about everything.

Ryul slowly stopped noticing how often he reached for a cigarette because every time he did… He remembered the look on her face by the Han River. Fuck. He would just, put them away. Throw the whole package away, or fail himself and light one…anyway.

He was turning into a completely different person, he doubted he would relapse.

He’d sigh. Changing wasn’t something that happened overnight.

He started changing, or at least he wanted to believe he was.

Life started to change, he had days when he went through a whole day without fighting with someone, or smoking.

He had days when he would walk drive home thinking about her, not everything he had lost.

Till that day. He was happy. He had just dropped y/n to her house. And suddenly the car connected to a phone call. An unknown number, he was going to ignore it but something told him to answer.

“Hello? Who is this?”

He recognized the voice, Dr. Kang, his mother’s doctor.

He started listening , his expression changed, he lost the color of his face. He just listened without talking, he just nodded.

“…I understand.”

The call ended, he stopped to calm himself a bit. He zoned out. His life was ruined. His mother was sick, he knew it, he had knew it even before his father died.

His hand slowly tightened around his phone. Until his knuckles turned white, her treatment wasn’t working and she needed another one

A more expensive one, money they didn’t have. Money she couldn’t raise by herself, she wasn’t even in condition to work.

He laughed. A quiet laugh. A faintly one.

Of course, he started changing, turning good…and life was about to give treat him just as his good father…maybe that was the problem, he shouldn’t be good.

He thought life was finally giving him a chance and it just reminded him who he was.

That night he didn’t even thought about her, didn’t threw about the cigarette.

He lit it, smoke burned his lungs, he felt it comforting. It felt familiar. His eyes drifted toward his phone, y/n’s last message.

“did you get home safely?”

His thumb hovered over the keyboard to answer, he wanted to tell her everything, but he couldn’t. He locked his phone, She had spent weeks trying to pull him out of that life, With the little strength she had, with the little mental and psychological stability she had, she tried, she really cared about him. But he wasn’t going to be the one dragging her back into it, into that dark hole he got himself into

Not again.

That night he barely slept, he knew he was about to relapse. He tried to close his eyes, but everytime he did it, the doctor’s voice. Treatment has to start as soon as possible Money, money he didn’t have.

The following days he began to evade her and act as if nothing was happening, it was a cycle. And it was happening again. He began to act as if that phone call had never happened.

He didn’t wanted to face her. And every place where he knew she would be. He didn’t even walked close to 100 meters. Eventually he spoke to her again. But he denied everything. That he was fine, that her smile was not enough to erase all those thoughts she had in her head, He stopped waiting outside the student council room. He left school before detention. He ignored her messages.

“We don’t talk anymore, are you okay?”

seen

He couldn’t, he couldn’t let himself answer. And y/n felt like he hadn’t change at all, that he let someone as Kim Ryul into her life. She should’ve known that his love was going to be pure pain, a game.

When she called his name in the hallway he kept walking. Every step felt heavier than the last and he started hating himself for it, every time he saw her… He remembered the promise he had never actually made. He broke his promise. That he would try to be better, for himself, for her.

He couldn’t. Not anymore. He spent the next week looking everywhere, Part-time jobs, Convenience stores, Restaurants, Anywhere. He laughed every single time someone said, “We’ll call you.” Nobody ever did.

The hospital bills kept arriving. He knew that none of those jobs would cover the hospital bills. The numbers kept getting bigger. He opened the drawer beneath his bed at the very back, Lay the gloves. Still stained. Still smelling like sweat and blood. He stared at them for a long time long enough to convince himself to close the drawer again.

He couldn’t do it, betray himself like that,

Not after everything y/n had done. Not after all those nights by the Han River. Nights like these. Not after promising himself he would become someone his father would’ve been proud of.

He slammed the drawer off. Walked away, paced around his room anxiously. He came back, Opened it again, Picked up the gloves. Closed his eyes.

“…I’m sorry.”

y/n the next few days. She only saw how he began to assist to school all beaten up, like that boy he was before her. He kept ignoring her. He disappeared out of nowhere, he continued to have that unpleasant cigarette smell. She got tired of that and decided to do something. By the time school started, she’d already spoken with the principal. Not because she wanted Ryul punished. Because she knew if she simply asked him to talk he wouldn’t. The announcement came during second period. Ryul was resting his head over his desk, sleeping.

“Kim Ryul. Student council office.”

He barely reacted. He got up annoyed. What have he done now? He haven’t beat anyone…in school. He let out a loud scoff before standing up, shoving his hands into his pockets as he made his way across the hallway. y/n stood by the window with her back turned to him, arms crossed tightly against her chest. She had been rehearsing everything she wanted to say all morning. She was trying to convince herself she wasn’t nervous, but she was.

The door clicked shut.

“…You wanted to see me?” He said. Silence.

His face looked worse than yesterday. She turned around, more bruises, another slip lip, and she knew she was going to get another excuse.

“i know, you started fighting again?.” She said, she sounded pissed. And worried. He didn’t answer.

“Ryul. You promised you’d try, gosh, didn’t you even tried?.” She said faintly.

“What are you fucking saying? I never promised anything and you don’t know anything about how hard I even tried.” He said annoyed, not wanting to hear her, big mistake.

“You did! Have your forgotten everything now?! Are you serious?!.” She raised her voice.

“I didn’t.” He said and more silence. She hated that he could lie while looking directly into her eyes.

“I know you fought again, you’re fighting again, and smoking…and drinking.” She said. Her heart burned she saw his face like that. He looked away.

Something inside her finally broke.

“What was all of this then?” She asked. She gestured between them.

“Everything you told me. Was that all a joke?”

Ryul clenched his jaw. She was being self centered. “It wasn’t, what are you talking about?.”

“Then why?! Why did you had to throw it all away?! Why couldn’t you live without damaging yourself?! Gosh if I knew you were fighting again I would do something about it!”

“I thought you knew!” He said raising his voice. He could’ve told her. About the hospital. About the bills. About his mother. He opened his mouth. Closed it again, He couldn’t.

“…You wouldn’t understand.”

She scoffed. “you’re really weak for all that tough mask. You don’t even give me the chance to. I’m trying to protect you. To save you!”

“I don’t need you to protect me nor save me! I DONT WANT YOUR PITY!” He said

“You don’t know what you’re asking. And you don’t know how to let people stay.” She shouted.

He felt something inside him crack.

“You think this is easy for me? You’re being so damn self centered as always!” He said

“I think I think you stopped trying! You gave up as nothing, like it’s not worthy.” She shouted

His eyes met hers. There was no anger. Only disappointment. Not in her. In himself.

He nodded once. Turned around. And walked toward the door. y/n watched him leave, She wanted him to stop to turn around and be honest. He didn’t

She thought he had chosen that life over her, chosen her over violence, and he walked through the empty hallway without looking back, Even though every step hurt.

Not because of the bruises. Because he had chosen to let her hate him. Thinking it would hurt less than watching her drown with him.

He never came back after that, Not that day and not the next one either. She convinced herself she didn’t care, she buried herself in homework. Meetings. Reports. University applications but it didn’t work. Every hallway reminded her of him, every oud laugh sounded like his for just a second.

Ryul sat alone inside his car. His father’s car, Parked outside the old warehouse where the fights were held, his gloves rested in the passenger seat. The same pair he had promised himself he’d never wear again, People walked past his window, calling his name, Another fight on another night. Another envelope full of money, worthy because his mother needed. His hand reached for the gloves, he stopped. He looked at them for a long time. Long enough to remember another pair of hands, smaller, more careful. Carefully wrapping bandages around his own.

“You’re going to feel like it’s burning.”

He smiled to himself, he grabbed the gloves and held them tightly. He set them back down. He started the engine and not toward the warehouse. Toward her. He wasn’t running away, not anymore. He was finally going to tell her everything.

About why he’d disappeared, about why he’d let her hate him, why he hurt her. He didn’t know whether she’d forgive him and he wasn’t even sure she should but he just knew that she deserved the truth.

The rain began before he reached her neighborhood, it was soft at first and then it got heavier, the windshield blurred beneath the water as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his heartbeat wouldn’t slow down, he had rehearsed the words a hundred times.

“I’m sorry.” It was too simple.

“I lied.” It wasn’t enough.

“I love you.” It was already late.

He scoffed quietly. He was a mess for her

By the time Ryul reached her neighborhood, the rain got heavier and the streets were almost empty, dark. Streetlights reflected over the wet pavement. He parked outside her house, shutting the engine off for a moment while his hands remained resting on the steering wheel. Debating himself what he should do.

He had imagined this conversation a hundred different ways. He scoffed quietly to himself.

“…You really are an idiot Kim Ryul...” he mumbled to himself. He remembered the first night he had stood outside that same house, throwing tiny rocks against her window just to annoy her. And back then he hadn’t realized he was slowly falling in love with her, he always thought she was just another strange girl, a weird quiet nerd to mature for their age, but now, she had became the first person he wanted to run towards and tell everything, somehow, she was the only person he had ever lied to and hurt.

He grabbed his phone and looked for her contact, he opened their conversation.

The last message she had sent days ago was still there, He had never answered, his thumb hovered over the keyboard.

“can we talk?” Typed again.

“i’m outside.” Deleted it.

Not through a message, or a screen, he left the car, the cold rain soaking through his hoodie almost immediately, the familiar window on the second floor was still lighting, thankfully she was awake, of course she was, always staying awake longer than she should, he looked around… picked up a small pebble from the ground and threw it to her window.

It hit the glass with a soft tap…twice.

seconds later… the curtains moved and he saw her pulling them aside, she stared down at him, confused, pissed.

He looked exhausted, those eyes. Tired of life, his hair soaked from the rain, split lip that hadn’t healed, bruises beneath his eye had turned a red tone like it was barely healing, and she wasn’t gonna lie but looked worse than he had at school.

But yet, Ryul wasn’t looking away, He was looking at her almost pleading, she hesitated bc a part of her told her to close those damn curtains…make him feel exactly what she had felt; ignored and abandoned, but she followed the other part, the part she hated admitting still existed. Disappearing from the window.

The front door opened quietly, she walked toward the passenger side of the car, crossing her arms against the cold.

“…What do you want?” She asked covering herself with a jacket. He opened the door for her, he didn’t even answer immediately, he just looked at her, Like he was afraid this might be the last time.

“…Please.Just… hear me out okay?” He said almost pleading. Still opened the door for her, she got inside, rain continued falling around them.

The car remained still, and neither of them looked at each other. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. It was heavy. Really annoying.

Ryul kept both hands around the steering wheel, staring through the windshield while driving. He parked and too a deep breath to speak.

“…I went to the fight…and I think you-“

He was saying but she interrupted him

“I know you went to fight again” she said.

“And I knew it, that you knew…and I couldn’t leave the car, I just… sat there.”

He said and his laugh came out empty.

“I kept thinking about what you said to me last day...gosh I got mad at you, I got angry. I told myself you didn’t understand.” He scoffed and passed a hand through his face

“I thought you were being self centered…but it- but the whole time I was just hoping you were wrong.”

“I drove away…I couldn’t do it...” he looked at her. And for the first time since getting into the car she dared to look at him too.

“…Then why the fuck did you disappear?” She said. She was hurt, not pissed.

His fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

“My mom.— it doesn’t matter…I made a mistake…”

His eyes looked exhausted, and not from crying but because he was carrying too much for too long. y/n lowered her eyes.

“I didn’t tell you because…” he said. he shook his head.

“I didn’t tell you because if you knew… You would’ve stayed, you would have tried fixing everything! You would’ve carried that with me” he clenched his jaw and shook his head..he started driving again. Slower.

“And i…I just…I couldn’t let you.” He said turning to see her. She stared at him. For a long moment…

“Are you idiot? You don’t get to decide that for me?! Did you even thought about how I would feel—If I knew—...” Her voice broke.

“You don’t get to push me away, ignore me and treat me like shit and call it protecting me!!”

“y/n! I know!”

“You don’t get to disappear! That’s bullshit!” She said, and every ‘I know’, every one sounded the same. Ashamed.

Tears had started falling before she even noticed. She shook her head and turned to see him.

“…Do you know how much I hated you these past weeks? Don’t you think you deserved that?”

He nodded.

“Why you?— Ugh! Why you’re so impossible…!.”

She corrected herself almost immediately.

“…I tried to understand you.”

Ryul smiled sadly. And scoffed.

“…Neither could I.” He looked back through the windshield, and those words he’d been terrified of saying his entire life suddenly felt…

“Yk. I spent years thinking my dad was wrong.” He said still driving, but he wanted to see her face. She looked at him.

“He believed people were worth loving. And gosh I thought he was stupid.” He said. And she started to felt it…no…she shook her head.

“I thought that’s what got him killed, but then…gosh…”

He looked at her again. “I met you. Life put you in my way… and I was—…I kept asking myself why…why you?“

“Why someone like you would even look at someone like me?? Why??” He said, she felt how his voice trembled,

“And I finally understood that It wasn’t because you wanted to save me and neither It was because you felt sorry for me…You just…” He smiled through tired eyes.

“…saw me…You saw me before I even remembered who I was…gosh I never wanted to heal, I just wanted someone who saw me..”

He laughed quietly, shaking his head.

“I’m really bad at this talking, opening my heart to someone…you already know that…I’ll try to..” he said and took another breath

“But I just want you to know that if I leave tonight without saying it…I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” His eyes never left hers. He kept driving, but turned to see her anyway…

“…y/n…I love you…you…you complete me..” he said, Not because you’re perfect…Not because you always know what to say and nor because you tried to change me… “I love you because…when I look into your eyes…I see the only person that only believes in me...You make me remember who I was before I threw my life to the shitty world I’m in, the world wasn’t worth believing in…gosh I sound so pathetic but you…” he took a deep breath.

“You make me want tomorrow.”

y/n covered her mouth, trying to stop herself from crying, She had imagined hearing those words. Dreamed of them…but not like this, not after everything.

She slowly shook her head.

“Stop…stop…you don’t mean that..”

His eyes widened, she looked away immediately.

“y/n I do!” He said.

“No you don’t! That you—that you feel that it’s a big mistake…We’re not good for each other” she said

“watching you destroy yourself is destroying me too.” She said

“I can’t keep wondering every night if you’re alive, you worried the shit out of me.” She shouted.

“We’re two broken people. We don’t match okay! We don’t know how to love without hurting each other! And you just prove me that!”

She raised her voice, he kept driving, but his body was trembling.

“You don’t get to say that now and pretend that I’ll fix everything! Don’t- don’t- just don’t…you don’t get to disappear and come back like this and tell me I love you like it’ll fix everything!” She said, it was haunting her, she loved him, but she was sorry…she still couldn’t say it out loud.

“It doesn’t okay?! It hurts and it’s all your damn fault!” She said, her breathing became uneven.

“You keep choosing that life. Every single time…and…one day they’re going to kill you.” She said

“And I’ll have to live knowing I wasn’t enough to stop you…!” She said

Silence felt over them. She wiped her tears angrily.

“I can’t love someone who’s constantly choosing to destroy himself…if you’re alive..can’t spend every day wondering if you’re coming back alive. love isn’t enough. never was.”

She reached for the door handle. He was in shock. Ryul panicked.

“…What the fuck are you doing?”

She opened the door.

“Y/n don’t! Come inside y/n, please.” She started walking away through the rain. To the opposite direction.

“Shit shit- you gotta be kidding me, the opposite direction??..”

He watched her getting farther.

“…y/n!” He shouted but she didn’t turn around.

“…Shit.” He cursed

He threw the gear into reverse. Only thinking about catching up to her. Not the road. Not the rain. Not the headlights appearing behind him.

Invading the opposite side and then…all that happened at once, a deafening crash, glass that exploded across the road…

y/n froze, her breathing stopped.

She turned around, the world seemed to move slower than before. It was impossible, it was dream…a nightmare…

Ryul’s car had spun across the road, crushed against the front of a truck…The windshield had shattered completely.

She started running. Cars stopped.People worried. Someone shouted to call an ambulance. She didn’t hear any of it. She reached the driver’s side, slipping onto her knees against the wet pavement.

The door wouldn’t open.

“…HELP SOMEONE HELP!…” Her trembling hands hit the window over and over, blood slowly ran down the side of his face, eyes were closed. She hit the window harder.

“please..I— someone help!”

People walked and tried to open the door but it was impossible with the car destroyed. Her voice broke completely. The rain mixed with the tears running down her face. Somebody pulled her back as firefighters and paramedics rushed toward the wreckage. She fought against their grip.

The flashing ambulance lights reflected across the soaked pavement. One paramedic looked at another.

She realized something far more terrifying than loving him…She might lose him before she ever had the chance to tell him the truth.

The hospital smelled like antiseptic, it was a smell so but so quiet, familiar and at the same time so depressing and depressing. The doctors rushed past her, shouting words she couldn’t understand. Nurses pushed stretchers down endless hallways. Someone asked her to sit down, She didn’t, tbh…she wasn’t even listening, she just wanted to hear his voice..or at least someone’s else’s voice saying that he’ll be okay…was he?

She remained outside the operating room, Still soaked from the rain but she couldn’t care less…she was regretting everything…While still staring at the doors that had swallowed Ryul…Time stopped making sense, those minutes became hours, became nothing…Please don’t do this, Not him, Not after everything, he’d been trying to be better…

The red light above the operating room finally turned off, the doctor stepped outside.

“…He survived the surgery.” He said

She forgot how to breathe. Didn’t sounded so good…Her heart dropped.

“…He’s in a coma.”

The rest of the sentence disappeared beneath the ringing inside her ears. Coma.

The word echoed over and over again,

She nodded because she couldn’t do anything else…

Hours later…she quietly stepped inside his hospital room…Machines filled the silence…a horrible silent…

The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the oxygen flowing through his mask a lot of bandages…and bruises…she covered her mouth, with a trembling hand stopping her from crying. She slowly sat beside the bed while looking at him

“…You know…” she said and chuckled faintly…Quietly…

“…You’re really annoying. You spent months trying to make me talk.” She said

“You kept saying I should stop hiding…You told me to scream…” she said biting her lip while looking around.

“You told me to say what I felt. And now…”

Another laugh, a broken one

“…Now you’re the one who won’t say anything…Gosh Ryul…you’re the only person who has ever seen me in another way, not in that..that perfect student way…”

Her fingers slowly found his hand, she grabbed it carefully like if she was afraid of hurting him. “…You asshole…” she said

“…You said you loved me. I didn’t answer.”

Another tear rolled down her cheek.

“But you wanna know something fun?”

“That I haven’t love anyone else as much as I love you…but I was so scared…”

“Do you know how scary that is?”

“I was scared. So scared. I acted like I didn’t care..but…I was scared that one day you’ll come around and say ‘hey you’re not worth it’…yeah..” she chuckled faintly…broken”

“And..I kept telling myself loving you would only hurt…” she said while smiled through tears.

“But it—It hurts a lot more without you.”

She looked down at their hands. Caressing his bruised knuckles…

“…The truth is…I love you too.” She admitted.

“I’ve loved you for longer than I wanted to admit…and yeah…you also complete me..”

“Gosh I’m so stupid, i swear I loved waiting for detention just to hear you…I loved hearing those stupid rocks hit my window.” She scoffed smiling…

“I loved walking with no destination. I loved arguing with you and I even loved how much you annoyed me.” Her shoulders trembled.

“You were the first person who ever looked at me…Really looked at me…My parents never did…My classmates never did.”

“…You did.” She said as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand

“And the only person who ever saw me…”

“…can’t even open his eyes.”

“I finally found my voice.”

She laughed again.

“…You’re gonna be so mad you weren’t awake to hear it. Yey, you did it Kim Ryul, you did it…”

She squeezed his hand gently.

“I love you…I always will…You better wake up or I’ll kill you…Because I’m not done arguing with you yet.”

The heart monitor continued beeping. SHe looked at him…she leaned and lay her head over his chest.

“y/n…just so you know…I’m glad you finally found your voice.

You always thought I was trying to teach you how to speak and Yeah maybe, kinda of but actually..just so you know that you were teaching me too, gosh.. You taught me that being kind wasn’t the same as being weak, you opened my eyes, maybe my dad wasn’t wrong at all. He was a good man.

I wish I could tell you not to worry, but you already know I’ve never been very good at keeping promises..facts…yk, There are so many things I’ve hidden from you, not because I wanted to lie, but because every time I looked at you, I wanted you to keep smiling just a little longer. I was afraid that if you knew everything, I’d drag you into the same darkness I’ve been living in for years…and you with that smile you showed me there were still people worth believing in.

My mom got sick and the stupid treatment stopped working, didn’t have the money. I looked for jobs and guess what? Nobody wanted me, yeah no shit. so I just went back, Not because I stopped trying. Don’t take me as weak please, but bc I thought there wasn’t another way…

I know you’re probably angry. You have every right to be. You tried so hard to pull me away from this life, and I still went back, I wish I could tell you I was stronger than that, but I wasn’t… it’s embarrassing, maybe that’s the hardest thing for me to admit. I spent so much time pretending I didn’t care about anyone that I forgot what it felt like to be scared of losing someone, I lost the most important person in my life before, and now I’m sorry I made you believe none of it was real. Everything was real even every stupid rock I threw at your window. It was real.

And I didn’t forgot to answer this, that you once asked me why I always looked at you the way I did, the truth is that I never saw the girl who always had good grades, or the student council president everyone admired, pfff, I don’t even look at girls, I was too distracted pretending to be a tough guy but the truth is that I saw someone who kept giving every piece of herself away just to be noticed by people who never bothered to look. Btw your parents are jerks. Fuck them, okay I’m kidding..but iI wanted to tell you every single day that you never had to earn love. You were always enough. I just never knew how to say it out loud. For me you are. I’m not very good at writing and yk that. I’ve always been better at throwing punches than putting feelings into words, But this is the first time in my life…

I’m writing with my heart instead of my fists.. If you’re reading this…

It means I never found the courage to tell you all of this myself, please don’t wait for me. Live. Laugh loudly. Argue with people. Tell your parents exactly how you feel. Scream at the Han River again. Promise me you won’t spend your life waiting for someone who couldn’t stay.

And… Be happy. Even if I’m not there to see it.

B.A.S - angst, comfort

Mentions: Park Gunwook - ZB1 Can you tell I love using clingy in arguments...

The silence in your apartment was always heavy, but lately, it had become suffocating. You sat on the edge of the velvet sofa, a laptop balanced on your knees, your fingers hovering over the keys as you edited a manuscript. Across the room, Ryul was hunched over his notebook, the rhythmic scratching of his pen the only sound for hours.

"Ryul?" you whispered, your voice barely audible over the hum of the air conditioner.

He didn't look up, his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

"How was the studio today? Did you figure out that bridge you were stuck on?"

He didn’t respond. He simply exhaled a sharp, jagged breath and flipped a page, his focus entirely elsewhere. You felt that familiar prickle of rejection in your chest, the way your heart sank whenever you reached out and hit a wall. For months, you had tried to be his muse, his sounding board, his partner. But to him, you had become part of the furniture.