ani

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ₊˚⊹♡ You had a dream, you wanted better𓂃𓈒𓏸

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ╭╮╰╯「 ᴇᴏᴍ ꜱᴇᴏɴɢʜʏᴇᴏɴ 」╭╮╰╯

synopsis: Eom Seonghyeon, a basketball player that his own world revolves around himself and basketball, an stupid accident and stupid song that got him involved with a girl that helped him realize he was someone more than only his talent with basketball.

contains: Seonghyeon x reader, friends to lovers, cringe dancing, cursing, time skips, social pressure, crying, kissing, relationship, hurt, conform, pushing reader away, injury, happy ending, mention of marriage

Eom Seonghyeon was the kind of person who hated losing, A high school student. A basketball player, People called him the future of Korean basketball. Coaches expected everything from him. Sponsors kept an eye on every game. Universities wanted him on their team before he had even graduated, that meant carrying expectations that were far too heavy for someone his age, one injury or one bad game or even one mistake, that was all that it could ruin everything. He liked being the center of attention, hearing people talk about his future as if it had already been decided, As captain of the team and the best player in the school.

His ego was almost impossible to ignore. But he had earned it, he trained until everyone else went home, stayed long after practice ended, because he always thought that practice makes perfect.

Basketball wasn’t just something he loved. It was his entire life. And for girls?…He had had girlfriends but he always ended breaking up with them, they wanted time, and he wanted to practice, it was a lot of commitment for him and he didn’t have time for them. Besides, it was a waste of time for him, the girls. He never blamed them. He simply… didn’t think relationships were worth sacrificing his future for.

They were training on the basketball court inside the establishments inside the school, which connected with some corridors for different classrooms. It was raining outside. The rain had been pouring since early afternoon, however, it felt like an oven. The AC had broken two days earlier. The coach didn’t care.

“Again!” he shouted, clapping his hands together. “I want intensity!”

The whistle echoed through the court.

And the heat was unbearable. The coach applauded them, he wanted intensity? The heat was very intense because the AC was broken, non-stop cardio workout. Simple but non-stop.

Sweat dripped from every player’s face as the practice stretched on. Finally…

“Water break.”

A chorus of relieved groans filled the gym.

they took some time to go and drink water, they went to the corner of the court where all the hydration was. Seonghyeon sat on the floor while drinking water and drying his forehead with a towel. He frowned

“Shit,” he said.

His teammate, Keonho turned to see him.

“What’s up? Did you get tired? Finally, it was time,” he said, laughing a little and tapping his back gently.

Seonghyeon denied without turning to see him.

“In your dreams idiot” he said.

he continued to wipe all the sweat from his body with the towel. He was soaked, the towel with smell of sweat

“How disgusting,” Seonghyeon said and threw the towel, tossed it over his shoulder. He continued on the floor, not realizing what he had just done. Every head slowly turned toward the hallway.

Seonghyeon frowned.

“…What?” He said confused and turned his head around.

A girl stood completely frozen. His towel covered her entire face. The boys of the

team chuckled. Keonho flattened his lips…

Nobody moved.

She reached up, pinched the corner of the towel between two fingers and peeled it off her face. She grimaced, with an expression twisted into pure disgust.

“…EWWWW!.” She frowned disgusted.

She stared at the damp towel for a long second.

“…Who threw this disgusting towel!?” She asked furious. Silence.

Every single player immediately looked anywhere but at her. Or at Seonghyeon.

Anywhere. Keonho looked at Seonghyeon

and pointed him without a second of hesitation.

“…it was this idiot.” Keonho said laughing. Seonghyeon’s eyes widened.

“WHAT TF IS WRONG WITH U?!” Seonghyeon said embarrassed. He immediately pointed back at Keonho.

“Why are you snitching butt face?!” He said annoyed.

“Because you did it.” He laughed

“I didn’t do it…on purpose!”

She looked at him. Furious.

“…Be more careful next time idiot, like honestly this is so disgusting.”

She held the towel away from herself like it was contaminated. Keonho was laughing really hard.

“How can one person smell this bad?! Like seriously! You nasty— ugh..disgusting…”

Seonghyeon blinked. “…Excuse me?”

“You’re disgusting!”

Without hesitation she threw the towel back onto his face. He caught it instinctively.

“…Ew!.” Even he made a face. “…Okay… that’s actually kind of gross.”

She rolled her eyes one last time before turning around and walking away, Seonghyeon watched her disappear around the corner. He scratched the back of his neck.

“I was gonna apologize…but she overreacted! It’s just sweat cmon” he said frowning. Keonho looked at him. Seonghyeon looked down at the towel in his hands before trying to defend himself.

Keonho stared at him for two seconds.

“…Yeah…Your sweat. Not hers.” He chuckled, Seonghyeon sighed.

The rest of the team burst out laughing. Seonghyeon closed his eyes for a second and sighed He threw the towel over his shoulder again before immediately throwing it away.

“…Okay, maybe it is kinda disgusting.” He said scoffing, more laughter echoed through the gym, he clicked his tongue, grabbed his water bottle and took another sip, pretending he wasn’t embarrassed anymore but he absolutely was.

The practice eventually came to an end. The rain still hadn’t stopped by the time everyone left the gym, the players headed home, joking about what had happened, Unfortunately for Seonghyeon, Keonho made sure to remind everyone about the “towel incident” at least five times before they even reached the parking lot.

“…Imagine getting called disgusting by a girl.” He mocked him while the walked beneath the umbrellas.

“Dude no way she didn’t even hesitate. She looked genuinely traumatized.” Keonho said laughing loudly.

“…I’m gonna throw you into traffic.” He said while groaning tired of his best friend.

“…See? That’s probably why she called you disgusting.” Keonho said shoving his shoulder softly.

Seonghyeon clicked his tongue and shoved him lightly before walking toward his car where his mother was waiting to pick him up, he rolled his eyes the entire drive home, but somehow… every time he thought about that girl making that disgusted face, he couldn’t help laughing to himself.

“…It was just a towel…” he muttered, shaking his head.

That night went by like every other night. Dinner with his parents, he finished his homework and took a quick shower, Everything felt normal. Before going to sleep, he plugged in his headphones, opened Spotify, and played the same playlist he always listened to after practice or before..Somewhere between all the songs… Da Sola In the Night started playing, he smiled a bit and hummed along while staring at the ceiling, eventually falling asleep before the song even ended…

Meanwhile… y/n she couldn’t stop thinking about how disgusting that towel had been, while showering she remember and gulped in disgust, while brushing her teeth she also remembered and grimaced with just the memory.

Lying on her bed with her headphones on, she mindlessly scrolled through Instagram until a post from the school’s official account appeared; ‘Congratulations to our basketball captain, Eom Seonghyeon, for another outstanding performance’

She rolled her eyes, “towel-boy.”

Curiosity got the better of her, she tapped on his profile where the post tagged him,

boring basketball, basketball, pics holding trophies, vids training, pics with teammates, a cute golden retriever that somehow appeared in almost every other post

“At least the dog’s cute.” she mumbled. She kept scrolling and noticed his highlights were full of random things, food, practices, his dog that his name was Ciro from what she saw, basketball, dumb videos with his friends, she frowned annoyed, he used the damn same song hundreds of times, it kept appearing over and over again

“…Does this guy only listen to one song?” she frowned, she replayed one of the stories, a photo of him hugging his dog while that song that sounded Italian played quietly in the background, again. And again.

“…Huh…” She copied the title into Spotify out of pure curiosity. She didn’t understand a single word, Italian wasn’t exactly on her list of languages, still the melody was strangely catchy.

The next day, Seonghyeon arrived before anyone else, like he always did. The gym was still empty, he stretched, picked up a basketball and started shooting. One after another. The same routine he’d repeated for years. Without realizing it, he found himself quietly humming the same Italian melody he’d fallen asleep listening to the night before, words barely left his mouth, only the tune, he finished practicing, Classes followed. Everything went on as usual.

Around lunchtime, he spotted her standing in the cafeteria line. He hesitated for a second before walking over, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Hey.” He said lowly. y/n turned around.

“About yesterday.” He said with another

pause.

“Sorry. I really didn’t mean to throw my towel at your face.” He said, holding himself from laughing at the dumb mistake of the last time.

She looked at him for a second before shrugging.

“Whatever. Just don’t do it again.” She said

That was it. She grabbed her tray and walked away, Seonghyeon blinked once before letting out a quiet sigh. “…Guess I deserved that.”

The rest of the day passed without anything interesting happening. When classes ended, she took the bus home like always. Headphones in. She stared out the window while scrolling through her phone…or through Seonghyeon’s profile? She heard that Italian song again and signed, she searched for it on Spotify almost without thinking.

“Let’s see why he likes this so much.”

She listened once. Then again. Then another time. By the time the bus reached her stop, she’d replayed it seven times. She still had no idea what the lyrics meant… but the melody refused to leave her head.

Next day, Saturday, it was painfully ordinary. She woke up late, finished the homework she’d been putting off all week, cleaned her room because she had nothing better to do, and spent most of the afternoon lying on the couch trying to decide what movie marathon to start. By evening she had finally settled on staying home, eating junk food and doing absolutely nothing productive halfway through, she realized she’d forgotten dessert.

“…Seriously?” she sighed.

Throwing on an oversized hoodie over her pajamas, she slipped into a pair of sneakers and walked to the convenience store a few blocks away. She bought two ice cream bars without really thinking about it; she couldn’t decide which flavor she wanted. On the way back, she took the quieter street that passed by the neighborhood basketball courts.

The neighborhood court was almost empty, The sun had already started painting the sky orange, She walked past it without paying much attention until the sound of a basketball bouncing against the concrete caught her attention.

Eom Seonghyeon, playing basketball alone,

y/n frowned, she had only seen him surrounded by teammates before and now it was just him, noticed how what he did; shoot, rebound, shoot. Rebound. Again. Again. Again.

Every shot went in, then one didn’t and she noticed him getting frustrated, tired... The ball bounced off the rim.

“SHIT.” He cursed loudly and picked it up immediately. Another shot. And more like that..missing.

His breathing became heavier. He ran a hand through his hair before throwing the ball against the fence with more force than necessary.

“FUCK OFF!” He said annoyed. The empty court swallowed his voice and she stopped walking, she turned around hiding behind the fence, she watched him from a distance, wondering if she should leave. He sank onto the ground, elbows resting on his knees, head lowered. For a long moment… he didnt move, and she noticed that he wasn’t angry...

He was crying, quietly like if he wanted no one to hear him.

“What am I supposed to do…?” She thought to herself, Talking didn’t seem right. Walking away somehow felt worse. The weird Italian song. Before she could overthink it… she quietly began humming.

She took another step. He didn’t move.

She felt ridiculous. She hummed the song, she wasn’t even properly pronouncing well the start.. “Certo che lo sai, prendi tutto e te ne vai, Per vedere se è vero”…she wasn’t even pronouncing it correctly, but you could tell which song was

“Alla tua festa non c'ero, Ma ti hanno vista ballare…in the night..”

She pointed dramatically to one side before throwing her arm up in the air, doing the most awkward dance she’d just made up on the spot, he frowned, she immediately regretted every life decision she’d ever made.

“Okay, that was so fucking embarrassing.” She said stopping and laughing nervously on how he would react,

He looked at her frowning confused, his eyes were still wet, Seonghyeon stared at her for three long seconds.

“What…was that?” He said, she scratched the back of her neck, already wanting the ground to swallow her whole.

“I didn’t know how to cheer you up.”

He blinked, despite himself, A laugh escaped, he grinned and shook his head.

Small but real.

She smiled immediately. “well at least it worked.” y/n said.

He looked at her for a long second before shaking his head, still smiling a little.

“How do you even know that song?” He asked confused and y/n shrugged, trying to look casual.

“Lucky guess.” She said, Seonghyeon narrowed his eyes.

“That’s my favorite song, Did you stalk me or something?” He asked jokingly

She immediately looked away and scoffed.

“No, of course not, you wish, did you wrote that song or what?” She said feigning annoyance, he kept staring at her.

“Yep, you definitely did.” He said chuckling. She let out an awkward sigh.

“Okay maybe I did, a bit” she said looking away, his eyebrows shot up.

“Wait, Seriously?” He said

“Don’t act too cocky, your profile popped up.” She rolled her eyes.

“And then? You stalked all my highlights with that song?” He said raising an eyebrow and grinned.

“And then I got curious okay!” She said

“So you stalked me.” Seonghyeon said

She sighed dramatically.

“Fine. Okay I did it, happy? I stalked you.”

He laughed, this time louder than before.

“A little.” He said

She pointed the ice cream at him.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I was trying to see if anyone else thought you were really irritated just as I think”

He placed a hand over his chest, pretending to be offended.

“Wow, still mad from that towel incident?

Well sorry to break it to you but. You’re the only one.” He said chuckling

She nodded towards the other side of the park

“Well I have ice cream..and I don’t think I’ll be able to eat all by myself so..” she said

He got up and they ended up sitting in the tiny playground beside the court, there weren’t any benches, just a pair of baby swings, a faded dinosaur spring rider and a tiny plastic slide that clearly wasn’t made for teenagers, but yeah.

“…Seriously?” He said and she laughed.

“We’re too old for this.” y/n said shaking her head.

“So?” Seonghyeon shrugged before sitting on the dinosaur anyway. It creaked loudly beneath his weight. She started laughing.

“Fuck, I think I just broke it.” He chuckled

She couldn’t help laughing.

And minutes later they were both sitting, slowly rocking back and forth while eating their ice cream, the place was quiet, you could hear just the sound of crickets and the rain from earlier had left everything smelling fresh and for once… the silence didn’t feel awkward.

Seonghyeon kept staring at the melted ice cream in his hand…

“you know..you’re the first person who’s seen me like that” he said. She looked at him. She frowned.

“How?” She asked

“Like losing it over messing up” he said while eating, he let out a quiet laugh. A sarcastic one.

“Usually people only see..” He gestured vaguely toward himself.

“this version. The captain, someone that’s supposed to never fail, and I feel so so proud of myself..and i like attention..”

He kicked lightly against the ground, making the swing move again. “Truth is…”

He smiled to himself. “I’m kind of full of myself, you must know it right? People always say that..”

She raised an eyebrow. “Kind of? Yeah kind of..” he said raising her eyebrows with sarcasm. He laughed and shook his head

“…Okay, I’m very much… know people say I’m arrogant but I just pretend I don’t care..but they’re right anyway…” he said and looked down.

“I spend so much time thinking about becoming better than everyone else, that sometimes I forget there are actually people around me.” He shook his head and his mind immediately went back to the towel.

“…Like throwing a sweaty towel at someone’s face. Well at your face” he said and laughed loudly remembering.

“Your face was so fucking funny” he said and she smacked his shoulder. She scoffed.

“shut up, That wasn’t exactly your best moment.” She said rolling her eyes

She took another spoonful of ice cream before shrugging.

“I don’t really know much about ego.” She said and he glanced at her.

“But i think you’re trying too hard to be someone people expect, like to be perfect and never mess up, yeah.”

“And maybe that’s why you got so frustrated today.” She said

“Because you just made a damn mistake and felt like you weren’t perfect.” She said

He looked at her, surprised, no one had ever said it like that, y/n smiled awkwardly.

“Idk, Maybe I’m wrong. But u dont really seem like a bad” she said and looked down at her ice cream

“Thanks, even if you probably think I’m annoying.” Seonghyeon smiled without realizing it.

“I don’t, I think behind all that ego you’re just a weird teenager”

He gasped dramatically. “Uhm— that’s somehow worse…but..” He chuckled and shook his head.

“I’m glad you stopped, otherwise I would’ve stayed there feeling miserable for my mistakes.

“It’s getting late..” he said looking around, she nodded.

“Yeah I should probably get going..” she said getting up, she frowned, she sat down in that dinosaur swing in a really weird position that she got stuck in.

“Never mind I think I’ll just…stay here for just one more minute..” she said smiling like nothing was going on. Seonghyeon frowned.

“You okay?” He asked confused

She nodded.

“You’re stuck” he said

“No I’m not” she said

He pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh, he immediately failed, a loud laugh escaped him.

“SEONGHYEON!.” She shouted

“Okay im sorry…I’m kidding I’m not” he laughed

“Can you at least pretend to help?” She said trying to get up. He walked over, still chuckling under his breath.

“How did you even manage this?” He asked confused.

“Well I sat…” she said and looked away

“very informative.” He said still laughing.

She rolled her eyes.

“If you’re going to make fun of me, just leave.” She said annoyed.

“I would but…I need to..nvm. watching you struggle is kind of entertaining.” He chuckled

“You’re unbelievable, fuck you.” She said annoyed.

“That’s what people usually tell me.” He said

He grabbed both of her hands, and started counting, y/n pushed herself up before he finished counting, it bounced violently and she stumbled forward.

Straight into him, that made both froze,

y/n took a step back almost immediately, clearing her throat.

“Thanks..”

“You’re welcome.”

A beat passed. “Don’t tell anyone about this.” She said embarrassed.

A grin slowly spread across his face.

“You wish, I’m telling everyone.” He said laughing. She shoved his shoulder.

“Eom Seonghyeon.” She said

“Im kidding. Maybe.”

That somehow wasn’t the last time they saw each other, it just kept happening

Some mornings she’d find him already shooting baskets before classes started, pretending not to notice him, but she ended staying at watched him play. But just because he always waved first, some times, in the afternoons he’d “accidentally” take the same route home as her, with the excuse they lived near, but even though it added almost twenty minutes to his walk he did it

He started sitting beside her during lunch without asking, she started stealing ice cream from his tray without asking either, but they ended sharing it, it became normal.

Weeks passed quietly, The towel incident slowly became an inside joke, they went to the beach, for walks, even once a picnic, with that damn song Seonghyeon loved, italian song, every time he walked past her after practice, she’d wrinkle her nose dramatically and rolled her eyes pretending she was annoyed from seeing him

“Ugh, this idiot again” she said

“Oh please. You love me princess” he said with a wink as he shoot the ball.

“Yeah not in 100 years” she said

He laughed. She rolled her eyes.

Little by little, people began noticing. Teammates, his best friend.

“…Since when are you two friends?” Keonho asked one afternoon while they walked to a game. Seonghyeon looked up from tying his shoes.

“We’re not.” He said and Keonho rolled his eyes. Because earlier that morning y/n walked into the gym carrying two drinks, excusing that “I bought the wrong flavor.”

While tossing one at him…and Seonghyeon? caught it without thinking.

“…Right. Not friends.” He chuckled.

The teasing only got worse after that, because his teammates noticed he wasn’t staying three extra hours after every practice anymore when he always did. Excusing himself that if he didn’t fainted or threw up he still could work out.

They teased him because sm he’d check his phone halfway through stretching, or sometimes he’d leave as soon as practice ended…He even skipped extra shooting drills to leave early just to hang out in the park with y/n

“Who are you?” Keonho frowned. Seonghyeon frowned confused.

“The guy that used to sleep in this gym?”

“I’ll practice tomorrow.” Seonghyeon shrugged walking away.

“Tomorrow? You literally said that yesterday…that girl is ruining you..” Keonho said… Seonghyeon didn’t answer.

Because the truth was he’d rather spend an hour walking around the beach with her than making another hundred free throws…and that was starting to worry him.

Basketball wasn’t the only thing he looked forward to anymore.

Some mornings she’d arrive at school only to find a basketball already rolling toward her feet.

“Morning.” He’d wave from the court before going right back to practice. And she just smiled. Other afternoons, she’d pretend she wasn’t waiting outside the gym for practice to end, and he pretended not to notice either.

The weeks slipped by quietly, sometimes they would still argued almost every day; about his ego, her sarcasm, how she’d never answer his texts in less than 10 minutes.

But somewhere between those arguments, they had become each other’s favorite part of the day. And they liked each other. She’d never ask him to skip practice, even

never even suggest it, and yet for the first time in years… basketball wasn’t the only thing he looked forward to anymore.

Even his parents started noticing, his father raised an eyebrow one evening while looking over his practice schedule.

“You’ve been coming home earlier.” He said while seeing his phone.

“I know.” He said without glazing at him while eating dinner.

“You’ve skipped extra sessions.” He said frowning

“…Only a few.” He shrugged.

His father nodded slowly. “Just don’t lose focus.”

“I won’t.” He shook his head and kept eating.

And he meant it, his goals never changed, Basketball was still his dream, the difference was that it wasn’t his entire world anymore…

A month later, the regional championship finally arrived, gym was packed, his name echoed through the speakers.

Pressure, The kind he had spent years learning to love, he played one of the best games of his life, when the final buzzer sounded, his teammates tackled him to the floor while the crowd erupted into applause. His parents couldn’t stop smiling.

His coach shook his hand harder than ever before.

That night, both families went out for dinner to celebrate the victory. Keonho’s and Seonghyeon’s. Laughter filled the luxurious restaurant, all of them talked about the game…except Seonghyeon.

His mind wasn’t there, somewhere else,

Someone else.

After dinner, he and Keonho stepped outside while their parents kept talking inside, the walked around the area of the restaurant, for a while, neither of them spoke.

“…I’m scared.” Seonghyeon said without looking at him. Keonho frowned.

“…Scared? Eom Seonghyeon is scared? Yeah no shit” Keonho said and Seonghyeon chuckled under his breath.

“I’ve never liked someone this much before.” He said, Keonho frowned, he thought he was talking about something else, he shoved both hands into his pockets.

“You know that i always end things first, It was easier.” He said while they kept walking.

“Basketball was always enough.” He said and looked down at the sidewalk.

“But with honestly with y/n..I really don’t want to ruin it.”Seonghyeon said chuckling to himself. Keonho stayed quiet for a second before bumping his shoulder.

“Then stop trying to be impressive and just tell her the truth..” Keonho said and Sean looked at him.

“Dude and you know that aren’t basketball…You don’t have to win it you just have to be honest with her!” Keonho said with all the confidence in the world and Seonghyeon realized he had absolutely no idea how to do that.

Yeah, for him basketball had always been easier; practice, and if you failed; you practiced until you didn’t. And feelings didn’t work like that… there wasnt someone telling him what to do, or his mistakes. Nor strategy. Nor scoreboard and in this situation it was just…her.

And somehow… that terrified him more than any game he ever had.

The following week he couldn’t stop thinking about what his best friend had told him, anytime he saw her laughing over something stupid he’d said, every time she stole his headphones, every time she waved at him from the hallway as if it had become the most normal thing in the world…anything she snaked the back of his knee from behind to make him fall…he caught himself wondering how someone had managed to become part of his routine so quietly. And she felt like part of it; an essential one…she had become home.

A week later, after classes ended, neither of them really wanted to go home, so as always; She suggested walking on the beach for a while. He agreed immediately, pretending he hadn’t been hoping she’d ask. Because yeah, they loved walking together in the beach. The weather was warm, the sand still carried the heat from the afternoon sun, they spent almost an hour doing absolutely nothing, just chatting about movies, school, bout how terrible his taste in music supposedly was, About how she still couldn’t pronounce half the words in Italian, and he laughed every single time she tried.

The only sound left was the ocean, nice wind, Seonghyeon shoved both hands into the pockets of his hoodie, staring at the sunset, perfect timing. He’d rehearsed this conversation so many times in his head that now… He laughed quietly to himself.

“What now? maniac, share the joke” she said laughing. He shook his head.

“…Nothing.” He shrugged.

Another few steps. He stopped walking.

She turned around, confused.

“…I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before. Shit” he scratched his head. She smiled a little.

“…You’re nervous? You!?” She said laughing. He loved that raspy laugh she had for the fact that she was always sick, He laughed and nodded.

“I play in front of thousands of people and somehow…” He laughed under his breath. “…Talking to you is harder.” The heat waves started feeling. She stayed quiet.

He looked at the ocean again before finally saying the only thing he knew was true.

“Because, fuck I like you.” He said passing a hand through his dark hair.

“And not because you’re pretty. Don’t get me wrong you’re absolutely beautiful..”

He smiled faintly.

“But that’s not why…i mean I like that you don’t care who I am, like that I’m someone that everyone knows because of my talent, and my position…look..”

“And— you’re shameless…and you’re super fun and I wish I had your courage to tell people what I think like—You called me disgusting five minutes after meeting me.”

He chuckled faintly and y/n laughed shaking her head.

“You make fun of me every chance you get, make me want to become a better person without even asking me to.” He looked down at the sand shyly.

“And the truth is that I’ve never wanted to do things right with anyone before. But with you…I do.”

She stared at him for a long moment before looking away.

“Good.” She said and that made him frown.

“Good?” He said. She nodded.

“Because now I know that it’s mutual.”

She said and he blinked multiple times

“Wait—“

“but you’re still incredibly full of yourself and ur ego is exhausting.” She said chuckling. He laughed.

Before either of them could overthink it anymore… he gently cupped her cheek. Neither of them knew who kissed who first…but it was a kiss full of love. And fuck, seonghyeon enjoyed it more than any other kiss he had ever had.

they became a couple without either of them realizing when it happened, Nothing around them changed overnight, y/n didn’t changed his routine; He still trained every single day and she still complained every time he left his jacket lying over her desk; and being a couple didn’t changed that they still argued over the dumbest things imaginable…but the only difference was that he reached for her hand so she wouldn’t be so mad at him.

His teammates noticed the change almost immediately; he still stayed after the practice ended, he still trained harder than anyone else, but now every once in a while he’d check the time or his phone, he leave exactly when practice ended instead of shooting another five hundred basket..

“…You’ve gotten soft.” Keonho said, he always teased teased him. Seonghyeon simply smiled while throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

“Maybe, you should get yourself a girl so you stop bothering me” he said and Keonho rolled his eyes raising his middle finger to his teammate.

Seonghyeon hadn’t realized it until thenc the fact that he wasn’t trying to win games by himself anymore, now for him… basketball didn’t feel like proving he was better than everyone else, like if he stopped being selfish and rude.

And of course y/n noticed it too; Seonghyeon celebrated other people’s points, laughed more, apologized when he messed up, admitted his mistakes and even admitted when she was right.

And his father? Wasn’t nearly as convinced.

One evening, after another practice he had left exactly on time, he stopped him before he could head upstairs.

“Seonghyeon…You’re distracted lately.”

His father said moving his glasses. Seonghyeon frowned

“No, im not..” he shrugged and his father shook his head.

“You used to practice until I had to drag you home.” He finally looked at him

“Don’t let yourself lose focus.” His father said

“I won’t.” Seonghyeon nodded

“If there’s bullshit keeping you from being the best version of yourself, throw them away” he said and walked away.

“Yes, dad..”

But the truth was that was probably the happiest he’d ever been. Which made what happened next feel almost cruel…

That tragedy happened on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, just another practice; another normal day, a drill he’d done thousands of times before, coach blew the whistle.

“One more!” He shouted. Sweat dripped from every player’s face as they ran the play again. Pass. Cut. Catch. Drive. Seonghyeon planted his left foot to change direction, he even knew that was a mistake that wasn’t supposed to happen, and then… a crack. It wasn’t loud, but his scream in pain was, because he felt it… A sharp pain shot through his knee to his foot, so suddenly that his entire body gave out beneath him…collapsed before he even realized what had happened on the ground, he just groaned in pain, more from seeing his knee that way, it was over. Everything was over.

The ball rolled away across the court.

“Seonghyeon!? Fuck—” Keonho was the first one to reach him, He tried to stand but he couldn’t move, his other leg folded underneath him immediately.

“No…” he whispered, and shook his head like that would make that disappear, erase the moment like a bad dream.

“No, no, no…” His breathing became uneven, For the first time in years… he wasn’t even thinking about the pain, already knew. Somehow… he just knew. The voices around him became muffled, the coach, Keonho and other two guys carried him to a corner of the field. The coach was saying something, Someone called an ambulance but none of it reached him. He kept staring at his knee as if refusing to believe it belonged to him...that this had happened to him especially.

The hospital was worse, Physical pain couldn’t be ignored, and waiting couldn’t less, He sat beside his parents on that hospital bed with his head down, without saying a single word while the doctor examined the scans, his mother kept squeezing his hand like wanting to let him that everything would be fine. But it wouldn’t. His father hadn’t spoken once since they arrived, the doctor walked back into the room carrying the MRI results,

“Seonghyeon, the good news is…” the doctor said, Seonghyeon hated those words immediately.

“This isn’t the end of your basketball future.” He said and took a deep breath. Another pause.

“But your ACL is completely torn.” He said.

“And?” Seonghyeon asked.

“You’ll need surgery.” “And rehabilitation.” “A long one.” He said, Seonghyeon shook his head and asked

“How long I won’t be able to play?” He asked, the doctor hesitated for a moment.

“If everything goes perfectly… nine months. Maybe a year.” He said and more silence settled.

“And if it doesn’t?” He asked, like a pessimist person, the doctor lowered his eyes.

“Well Seonghyeon, We don’t know.”

We don’t know. Everyone kept telling him he’d recover. His coach. His teammates. His parents. The doctor. Yet none of them could promise he’d ever become the same player again. That terrified him. Because for the first time in his life… the future everyone had planned for him suddenly had a question mark.

Surgery was scheduled later, like two weeks, and for seonghyeon, two weeks felt longer than every year Seonghyeon had lived before, and of course, he had to, stopped going to practice, and this was his own choice, but he stopped going to school, and when he finally came back… he wasn’t really there, Sean limped through the hallways with crutches, headphones on, avoiding every conversation possible, ignoring the pity looks, teammates didn’t knew what to say anymore. Neither did the coaches, Basketball was happening every afternoon…basketball kept going but…Without him…y/n tried calling, his girlfriend, but he never answered, she texted and he would just left her in delivered. seen.

She waited outside his classroom, He left through another hallway.

Little by little…He wasn’t only avoiding basketball. He was avoiding her.

She tried to understand him at first, actually she really did, she knew he was hurting, because seonghyeon always felt that his talent was the only reason he was worthy, and that was a lie. She knew losing basketball felt like losing a part of himself.

So she gave him space, Day after day, another one and then another, and then realized that he wasn’t asking for space anymore. He was pushing everyone away.

She finally had enough, y/n waited outside the rehabilitation center.

He came out balancing himself on his crutches. The moment he saw her…He sighed.

“Baby…Not today.” He shook his head, She walked straight toward him.

“Not today? Then when!? You’re coming with me.” She said and he stepped back.

“Y/n, I’m going home.” He shrugged

“No. Ur not” she said

“No What?”

He stared at her.

“You jerk, You don’t get to disappear for three weeks and pretend that’s normal because that’s not normal okay? I should dump your ass but— just stop being stubborn!” She said, he frowned and shook his head.

“I’m fine.” He said and that made her laugh sarcastically. Not because it was funny but because it was the dumbest lie she had ever heard.

“Fine? Look at you, you gotta be kidding me, I know you okay” She pointed at the crutches.

“Sean, I’ve already seen this version of you once, the one version that thinks that pushing everyone away protects them, somehow”

“And you know it doesn’t, It only hurts the people who actually stayed, who actually care”

He tried to leave. She stops him.

“You know what your problem is?”

He stayed quiet.

“You think your value starts and ends with basketball, You think if you can’t play, Then nobody could possibly love you anymore, or even like you, but let me tell you something that you’ll hate hearing…” she said and that made him clench his jaw.

“that ur wrong, because personally, I never fell in love with the captain, with the best basketball player…I fell in love with the idiot who threw a sweaty towel at my face.”

He laughed, genuinely, finally a relaxed laugh, she smiled and helped him walk together to his house, finally accepting things, a bit, cause he didn’t changed the next day, or the day after. She let him know that Healing wasn’t that simple, it was a whole process; some mornings he still woke up angry at the world cursing at everyone, some days rehabilitation hurt so much he wanted to quit halfway through, cry all the time like if that would fix his injuries, nights that he’d stare at the basketball sitting in the corner of his bedroom and wonder if it’d ever feel like his again…

But now…Every time he thought about giving up he just remembered her words, He remembered her voice; That was enough to get him through another day.

he stopped measuring his life by how many points he could score like every single time, Rehabilitation replaced practice, Slow walks replaced sprints, Ice packs replaced medals; It wasn’t the life he had imagined, but he had to be thankful for being alive, being able to even walk, that was what his girl said. y/n refused to let him spend every afternoon locked inside his room, she would just show up and drag him out to walk, other days she’d show up outside his house with absolutely no explanation.

And somehow those hang out moments ended up becoming his favorite afternoons, wasted hours at old arcades competing over games neither of them knew how to play, y/n always cheated shamelessly, Sean complained every single time, but she always won anyway.

Other days they walked through vintage clothing stores without buying anything.

Sat by the river eating convenience store snacks.

Went to karaokes just the two of them.

One rainy afternoon she invited him over.

“My parents won’t be home.” He said through the phone call

“Uhm That sounds incredibly suspicious...are we going to destroy your house while baking?”

“Affirmative”

“Im down”

Neither of them knew how to cook, which became obvious almost immediately,

They argued over the recipe of cinnamon rolls, yeah, they were just making any cookies, they went for a hard dessert. Burned the first batch, Added way too much flour to the second. She accidentally dropped an egg on his hoodie.

“Seriously? Y/n you gotta be kidding me- ugh”

“ups it was an accident.”

He grabbed the bag sitting on the counter.

“No, seonghyeon, Don’t. Seonghyeon. Don’t you dare.”

A second later… White flour exploded everywhere, She slowly looked down at herself. Then back at him.

“You’re dead.”

Ten minutes later the entire kitchen looked like a snowstorm had passed through it, they threw themselves eggs, vanilla scent, milk, even a glass of coke seonghyeon was drinking.

It was a mess, and the kitchen smelled like shit. The counters. Their hair.

They couldn’t stop laughing. Seonghyeon leaned against the counter trying to catch his breath.

“We should clean..” he said and she nodded.

“Definitely”

“You look like a granny” he laughed, so hard. Months since he’d laughed that hard. He looked at her. Still holding the spoon she’d threatened him with five minutes earlier.

weeks passed before either of them noticed, Rehabilitation had become easier. But it did not hurt less, but he had stopped fighting against it.

That afternoon they ended up sitting outside his jeep that now she had to drive, after sunset.

“I was thinking, do you wanna break into school? Like the swimming pool?

She looked at him like he’d completely lost his mind.

“Are u out of your mind? Absolutely not.” She shook her head and he laughed.

“…Why not?”

“Because it’s illegal? If we got caught we could get suspended!” She said

“So? Life is only one you always say that.

He said and she laughed.

“You’re unbelievable. Seriously I hate you”

“No you love me and you know it”

Twenty minutes later…They were climbing over the fence. Escaping from the guards that patrolled around.

“Seonghyeon, This is entirely your fault.” she whispered.

The pool lights reflected across the water. A blue light around the place, at night,

The entire campus was silent. It felt like the school belonged only to them.

He managed to open the maintenance gate after way too much effort.

“Easy.”

“You literally spent ten minutes fighting a padlock.”

He pushed her and he jumped after that, both jumped in wearing their clothes.

The water was freezing. He couldn’t stop laughing.

They spent almost an hour splashing each other like little kids. He kissed her and then ended splashing water to her making her almost drown and throw up water, and viceversa, she was aggressive, wanted revenge.

For a while…Neither of them thought about basketball. Expectations. Injuries.

The future. Just… Them.

they climbed out and lay on the edge of the pool both fully soaked.

Then…

“Promise me something.” He said and she rolled her eyes, He turned his head.

“…What?”

“Promise me that… no matter what happens—” he said and she interrupted him

“…You’ll still be this stupid when we’re old.” He laughed and shook his head

“Let me talk…anyway thats oddly specific…but I promise..” He smiled.

“Y/n, promise me we’ll still know each other.” He said and that made her frown.

“Yeah, Of course.” She chuckled.

“Even when we’re like… eighty.”

“Whatever. Even then.”

He smiled, and he stayed quiet for a second.

“And yk. Promise me…”

He laughed awkwardly.

“That we’ll get married”

She immediately turned to look at him.

“What?”

“I mean… if we’re both still single.”

“That’s your backup plan? Seriously ur that dumb?”

“Hey, leave me alone, It’s a very solid plan.”

She couldn’t help laughing. And shaking her head she nodded.

“You’re such an idiot.”

He shrugged. And scoffed sitting down.

“Is that a no? Did you just rejected my proposal?”

She looked back at the stars. A tiny smile appeared on her face.

“Ask me again in fifty years.” She chuckled

- ☾ i see my reflection in your eyes

「 Kim Ryul 」╱

Kim Ryul, a high school student that’s school's most feared delinquent to feel the hole his father being murdered left. The perfect honor student, whom is just because thinks is the only way she can feel worth of living. Isn’t even able to raise her voice to stand for herself, slowly become the only place where they feel seen, even though they know love alone won't save either of them.

──────── ☼ ────────

『 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚂』 Kim Ryul × fem!reader, angst, strangers to lovers, hurt/no comfort, delinquent!ryul, rich girl, academic pressure, introvert x extrovert, absent parents, cursing, underground fights, smoking, drinking, drugs, mention of depression, emotional dependence, slow burn, first love, mention of deaths, trauma,

(Btw this is my first time uploading sm, and English it’s not my first language so if there’s anything that you guys notice pls let me know, hope u understand. I’ll take it. And I hope you guys like it <3 sorry if there any mistake TT, also if you don’t like the name just imagine it’s yours I just don’t like y/n but if you guys like it I’ll put that on the next one, also some lines are inspired in TSITP ;) )

“He taught her how to live. She taught him he was still worth loving.”

Kim RYUL grew up believing that being a good person meant nothing. His old man was the kindest person he had ever known, the man he admired the most, he thought everything was possible because even though his father was dealing with a lot of problems like financial problems or depression, he smiled and told them everything would be okay. Yet he was murdered, From that day on, he stopped believing in people, thought everything was a lie... That even though you were kind and happy, good, life would punish you like that. He picked up smoking, drinking, and bullying people, hitting them for no reason, at all, making their life's miserable, fighting in illegal rings, earning a reputation as the school's most feared delinquent and bully. He was a criminal. Everyone knew him through fear, bruised knuckles.

No one knew that behind that mask where he acted like he didn't care about anything, like he ruled the world, he did.

y/n couldn't be more different. Born into wealth, being the president of the student council, a model student-the kind who never breaks the rules, never raises her voice, never gives her opinions, always comes home with perfect grades. But she doesn't study because she enjoys it. She never did, she studies because she'd spent her entire life thinking that if she had perfect grades, she would finally get her parents love, she wouldn't be a failure for them, they didn't even though about that. She wanted to earn something she'd never have ‘her parents' love and attention’…Or someone’s?. Surrounded by luxury, she has never felt more alone.

They studied in the same school, yet, they had never talked, or crossed paths, or look at each other.

She knew him, she had heard of him and all the bad stuff he does, but didn't care about him.

The digital clock on her desk blinked 10:47 p.m.

Her chemistry project was spread across every inch of the table-textbooks, papers, highlighted notes, colors, paints and calculations. She had spent the last four hours working without taking a break.

She never did.

She stared at the instructions one last time.

Glue? This wasn't wrote at the start.

Her eyes drifted toward the nearly empty bottle sitting beside her notebook. There wasn’t more enough to finish her experiment. She let out a quiet sigh before pushing herself out of her chair.

The big house was silent, except for the sound of the television downstairs.

She walked carefully down the staircase, still holding the list of materials in her hand.

Her father sat on opposite ends of the couch, their attention fixed entirely on the soccer playing across the television screen. And her mother just reading a fashion magazine. Neither of them noticed she had entered the room.

…”Mom?" "Dad?"

Her father only hummed absentmindedly, never taking his eyes off the screen.

"I need to go buy something for my chemistry assignment”

Another few seconds passed. Her mother reached for her cigarette and took a deep sigh.

"Can I go?"

"Do whatever you want."

That was it. No It's late. No be careful. No Do you want me to drive you?

She left and closed the door behind her. And the moment she started walking towards the store? the rain had only gotten worse. Streetlights reflected against the soaked pavement as she hurried toward the only stationery store that was still open. She rushed.

The owner smiled politely as she paid for the last materials she needed. She smiled politely and left.

Within minutes, she was on her way home again, hugging the paper bag tightly against her chest to keep it dry. The streets were nearly empty.

"Come on." Only the sound of rain accompanied her footsteps. She pulled her phone to answer a message, but when she turned her head around by pure instinct she felt someone running towards her.

Fast. She frowned, turning her head confused just as someone rounded the corner at full speed.

A boy, not just any boy. Kim Ryul.

His white school shirt was all soaked, stained with rain and blood. His breathing was desperately like he'd been running a lot, and his knuckles were split open.

Drop dead. She froze. Every rumor she’d ever heard about Kim Ryul came rushing back all at once.

Within a second, he slammed directly into her. The paper bag slipped from her hands. Her chemistry materials flew across the wet pavement.

He groaned, who was this stupid girl and why she didn't moved away?

He looked down at her. A classmate? Her uniform under a jacket. Oh no, wearing the same uniform at him, right now. At 10PM? While he was being chased? They would relate that girl with him.

You gotta be kidding me. Before she could even react, his hand wrapped tightly around her arm.

"Don't make a sound." he said

Her heart stopped. She looked up at him.

“Are you going to hurt me?”

He didn't answer. He just frowned and scoffed at her. Instead of answering looked over his shoulder.

...”Shit." Several voices echoed from the other end of the street.

"| saw him!" "He ran this way!"

Without thinking twice, he grabbed her sleeve and pulled her toward the entrance of an abandoned building hidden between two narrow alleys. She stumbled after him.

"What are you-" "Where are you taking me?!"

"Quiet before I kill you before we get killed." He mumbled

He pulled her behind a crumbling concrete wall, keeping both of them completely out of sight. The footsteps grew louder. Closer. She was nervous, she didn't wanted to die. Ryul lifted a finger to his own lips.

...”Shut up. Don't make a sound" he whispered

A group of boys sprinted past the entrance, shouting his name as they disappeared farther down the street.

"Kim Ryul! You wanna die?!"

"Just as your dad?! You motherfucker."

Silence. She could see him clenching his jaw holding himself from going and punch that idiot's face till he couldn't breathe more. Only then did he finally let go of her wrist. She immediately took two steps back, rubbing the spot where he'd been holding her.

Why he had to grab her so aggressively? He noticed. His voice was sharp.

“…Relax.” He frowned his eyebrows.

“If I wanted to hurt you… I would’ve done it already.”

For the first time, he actually looked at her. A stranger girl from his school, staring at him with wide, scared eyes. Yeah of course, she saw him as everyone saw him, with fear. He glanced down at the soaked paper bag lying near the entrance, then sighed.

Without another word, he turned to leave. By the time she stepped back outside... He was already gone.

All that remained were muddy footprints slowly disappearing beneath the rain.

The next morning, she convinced herself she had imagined everything, Maybe the blood, Maybe the bruises, Maybe that he had to hide because he was escaping from bad people. It was real. All the rumors about him were true.

She was thinking, walking as she stepped into the student affairs office, she carried a stack of attendance reports against her chest, greeting the coordinator with a polite bow.

"Good morning." The woman smiled. But the smile disappeared immediately when she turned back to the person sitting in front of her.

"Perfect timing” Only then did she notice someone else standing in the room. Kim Ryul. Again.

His white school shirt was wrinkled, his tie hung loosely around his neck, the blazer of the school hanging over his shoulder and fresh bruises painted over his knuckles. One hand was over his knee. Awkwardly, the other spun a pen between his fingers.

He looked... exactly like he had the night before. For a brief second, their eyes met. It's him. It's her.

The bruised boy that was in big trouble.

Her grip around the folders tightened.

He recognized her too. What was she doing there? Yeah maybe she was a nerd that the teachers liked too much to let her in.

The scared girl from the rain.

"Haven't you learned your lesson?" the coordinator sighed, turning toward Ryul. Frown all over her face like if it was something she did every single day. Scold him.

"Kim Ryul let's see...More skipped classes, Another fight, and…wow…three different students have filed complaints against you this week, anything else?" She said

Ryul shrugged and scoffed. “So?"

"So? You gotta be kidding!" she repeated in disbelief.

"You think this is a joke? You're a mess, seriously, and we let's not even talk about your grades." Silence. He leaned against the chair, completely unfazed. He just raised his eyebrows uninterested.

"You'll be serving three weeks of afterschool detention."

“Uh huh” He didn't react.

"And"

She turned and nodded her head towards y/n. Still figuring out the calendar of events from school. “...Our student council president will be supervising you."

Both of them looked up at the same time.

Ryul scoffed, yeah, not even the principal could order him around. Neither this girl that happened to be the president of student council. That was new, the coordinator smiled as though she'd just solved the world's greatest problem.

"I'm sure she'll keep you in line, right?." She said

Ryul let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, good luck with that."

The coordinator gathered a few papers and rolled her eyes taking a deep breath, tired of Ryul. She got up from her desk before walking toward the door.

"I hope you realize you’re running your own life, Kim Ryul." The office fell silent the moment she left.

Y/n couldn't even talk about what she thought about that, didn't have her own opinion.

Neither of them spoke. Ryul finally broke the silence. He tilted his head slightly.

"So.you're really gonna be my babysitter for whole three weeks? Come on. You don't wanna have problems with me…deal with me...just say you're busy or something.” He said scoffing.

She swallowed. y/n raised her eyebrows.

"I don't have a choice." she said.

A faint smirk appeared on his face. Close enough for her to notice the cut beneath his eyebrow.

"You do. I remember you. You were scared of me then." He leaned toward her as he got up from the chair.

"So..." he mumbled. "Are you still thinking about detention?"

She looked down at the folders she was holding, taking a slow breath before meeting his eyes again.

...”Your detention starts tomorrow"

The answer seemed to catch him off guard. "You're making a big mistake."

She straightened her posture. "For the next three weeks, you'll be attending detention."

Ryul stared at her for a moment. Then scoffed. ...”You're fucked"

He walked past her, shoving one hand into his pocket. “We’ll see how long that courage lasts, President.”

The first week of detention was awfully quiet. Well, until Kim Ryul decided he was bored, and wanted to bother her till she got tired and put an end to his detention. y/n sat across from him every afternoon, surrounded by textbooks and neatly organized notes. University entrance exams were only a few months away, and every minute mattered.

Kim Ryul? had absolutely nothing to do. For the first twenty minutes, he drummed his fingers against the desk. Then he started spinning his pen. Making annoying noises. Yelling. Then kicking the leg of his chair. He slept some minutes. Moved his chair around to make noise. Then started humming some random song under his breath. Every few minutes, y/n would glance up from her notes before forcing herself to focus again. She couldn’t.

She never complained. That somehow annoyed him even more. She was boring. Why the universe suddenly put this boring girl on his life?

“…Yah, weird girl, Do you ever stop studying?” He asked, tired of trying to bother her with loud sounds. He would try to find something to piss off this girl. No answer. He leaned farther back in his chair.

“You know those books aren’t gonna run away, right?” He said with a palm under his chin. Silence. Ryul clicked his tongue.

“Really. Weird.” He watched her for another minute. Rich parents. Perfect grades. Student council president. Perfect uniform. Perfect handwriting. Perfect everything, he frowned. And smirked. It didn’t make sense.

“You seem so sad for a girl so perfect. You’re trying to impress somebody?”

For the first time all afternoon… Her pencil stopped. Barely. But he noticed. A smirk appeared on his face.

“Oh… So that’s what it is.” He threw carelessly. He said. “Your parents don’t love you or something?”

For the first time since detention had started. Only for a second. She scoffed. Please. Someone stop him. That tiny pause was enough. Ryul noticed.

She walked toward the door before stopping for a brief second. Without turning around.

“…It’s none of your business.” The classroom door closed behind her. Ryul stayed where he was, staring at the empty chair she’d left behind, He looked down at the notebook she’d forgotten to zip into her backpack. He waited until the classroom door clicked shut.

“…Finally! Im free of that humorless person.” He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a dramatic sigh.

“Freedom.” He said as he stood up, grabbed his backpack from the floor. He was about to leave when something on the desk caught his attention. A notebook. He picked it up. The front cover was covered in perfectly neat handwriting.

y/n? That girl’s name

“…Seriously?” He rolled his eyes. Clicking his tongue, he shoved the notebook under his arm and walked out of the classroom. He ran outside at the entrance of the school, around the campus.

“Hey.” No response. “President.” She kept walking. “…yah! y/n!”

She finally stopped. “What?” She said turning around bothered.

He held up the notebook. “You forgot this.”

She looked down before quietly taking it from his hands. “…Thank you.” She turned to leave.

“That’s it?” He said

She looked back. She frowned confused. Annoyed.

“I saved your life days ago. I returned your notebook today.” “And all I get is a ‘thank you’?” He said

“…You didn’t saved my life, you want a Nobel prize?.” She said frowning annoyed.

“I kinda did..and it wouldn’t be bad.” He said scratching the back of his neck

“You also told me you would kill me.” She said

Ryul kept scratching the back of his neck. And then stopped. “…Damn, that’s true.”

For a brief second… Neither of them said anything. Then, without really thinking about it, Ryul started walking beside her.

“So..y/n? What are you always studying for? You got pissed from what I asked right?”

She rolled her eyes. She had never ever talked with someone about her personal issues. And she didn’t intend to talk with Kim Ryul about them. She stopped a bit to turn to see him and frowned.

“Do you ever think about what you say?.” She said and turned to keep walking. She glanced at him. “…You’re really annoying, you know?”

A grin spread across his face. Because if it wasn’t her, even though he was a girl he probably would have reacted aggravated. But this girl was easy to annoy. He was chill right now. The president council. She could make detention more easy. Maybe even cancel it.

“There it is. You’ve said more words to me in the last minute than you have all week, jeez.”

She blinked. The realization surprised both of them. More her. She ignored him and kept walking. Neither of them noticed they had already walked all the way to the school gates together.

It was weird. Someone as Ryul and y/n were totally different, why they suddenly crossed paths? The next days that followed settled into a strange routine. Ryul and y/n themselves—didn’t understood why. Ryul throwing careless words just to see her reaction, even as a small part of him waited for her to push back harder. To talk for herself.

Sometimes Ryul disappeared halfway through the conversation without saying goodbye, leaving behind a faint irritation in y/n that lingered longer than she cared to admit. y/n simply walked away after getting tired of listening to him, Ryul had always been surrounded by people. Classmates laughed at his jokes.

Girls giggled his name in the hallways. Friends that actually stood by him because of fear. Everyone knew who Kim Ryul was. But no one actually knew him he wondered if there was anything real beneath the version of himself everyone seemed to accept so much.

y/n was the opposite. People admired her, though they knew her. No one did and she questioned whether she had become the role she played, rather than the person she once was. From the outside… They couldn’t have been more different. One hid behind violence, using it as a shield to keep others from getting too close. The other hid behind perfection, afraid that even the smallest crack would make everything collapse. Afraid of talking. About what they actually wanted

Neither of them realized they had been wearing masks for so long… without realizing it, they had begun to notice the cracks in each other first.

From that afternoon on, detention became a little quieter. The second week of detention felt different. Y/n never stopped pretending he wasn’t getting on her nerves.

The classroom would slowly empty.

One by one, the other students serving detention would leave. The teachers would disappear into the faculty offices.

Only the two of them remained. Their conversations never lasted long. Most of them ended in arguments. Ryul made fun of her grades. y/n complained about his attitude. He called her “President.” She called him a jerk. Neither of them realized those small conversations had quietly become part of their routine.

Then, one afternoon… Ryul didn’t show up. y/n frowned at the empty chair across from her. She checked the attendance sheet. Absent. She sighed, wrote his name down anyway and finished supervising detention alone.

The next day. He finally appeared. Late, nothing new from him. His lip was split open. A bruise darkened the side of his jaw. His knuckles looked worse than usual.

y/n immediately frowned. Pretended not to care

“You’re late.” She said

Ryul dropped into his chair without looking at her. “Yeah no shit.”

“I’m marking you absent.” She said

“Go ahead.” He said without hesitation, challenging her.

He finally looked up. “…do whatever you want.” Something in his voice felt different.

Exhausted. Silence filled the classroom. y/n stared at him for a moment before quietly asking,

“…What happened?”

Ryul laughed once. A bitter laugh.

“You think you’re the only person whose life’s a mess?”

“Who said my life’s a mess?” She said

“Y/N DONT fuck with me”

He said. She stayed quiet. What was wrong with him?

He looked down at his bruised hands.

“You know I lost someone…life disappointed me”

Another silence.

“I thought if I stopped caring about people…it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

He shrugged. “He was a good person, and yet, he got killed, stupid life.”

That was all he said. He didn’t explain.

He didn’t cry. He simply opened his notebook and stared at the empty page. y/n looked at him differently after that. Not because she pitied him. But bc She realized the boy everyone feared was carrying something much heavier than bruises

She went home, Did her usual routine, she showered and went to bed after studying some subjects.

That night…at 11pm… Her phone vibrated.

Unknown Number

“come outside.”

She frowned at the message. A second one arrived.

“don’t make me throw rocks at your window, president.”

She frowned and turned to the window of her room. And saw him. Wearing all black. Freezing. She opened the window

“What are you doing here? It’s 11:21!” she said frowning

“You coming or what? Or you’re too good and afraid of breaking rules” he said chuckling while seeing her

She rolled her eyes. She thought her parents would kill her. But actually they wouldn’t even care.

“Whatever..if I die it’s your fault..”

She left through the window and stepped a foot outside, Ryul helped her.

She should’ve said no. Instead, she followed him. Neither of them talked much. The city slowly faded behind them until the lights of the Han River reflected across the dark water. Cars passed in the distance. The wind was colder than either of them expected. They stood by some benches and sat down. For a while, they simply sat there.

“y/n…” Ryul finally said, pulling a cigarette from the pocket of his blazer. “You never answered my question.”

“You didn’t answered mine neither”

“No..your question about quitting illegal fighting..it’s not possible..your turn. Why do you act like the world’s gonna end if you don’t get perfect grades?”

She lowered her eyes. Gosh she wished it was easy to explain. As if someone as idiot as him would understand her pain of being depressed, right?

“…It’s complicated.” She said

He lit the cigarette. “So make it simple.”

Silence. Between them, she looked at him.

“My parents…” she began quietly. “They’re not bad people.”

Another pause.

“They just… They’ve never really cared about what I think. Or about me”

Ryul took a drag before looking at her.

“So tell them.”

She let out a quiet laugh. That was her principal concern, she didn’t had a voice. Not infront of them. Not opinions.

“You really think it’s that easy?” She scoffed

“Isn’t it?.” He said smoking.

“It isn’t.”

He shrugged. “Then make it easy.”

Before taking another drag, he noticed the expression on her face. A grimace. He frowned confused with the stranger girl expression.

“You got a problem with me?”

She hesitated. “…I don’t like people who smoke, or cigarettes...”

He looked down at the one between his fingers, debating whether give it another puff or not.

“My mom smokes.” She wrapped her hand around arm nervously. Like trying to speak without feeling it.

“The whole house smells like them. I hate that smell.”

“I hate that every time I smell one…it reminds me that I never say anything.”

“I don’t tell her to stop.”

“I don’t tell either of my parents how I feel.”

“I just…keep quiet. I’m afraid that I’ll just ruin everything I’ve tried to build”

Ryul looked at the cigarette for a long second. Without saying anything… He pressed it against the railing until the ember disappeared. Nonchalantly.

Unbothered. After another stretch of silence, Ryul rested both elbows on the railing.

“I know what’s your big problem” he said

She frowned. “What?”

“You never let anything out.” He suddenly cupped his hands around his mouth. And screamed like a pathetic kid. His voice echoed over the river. A couple walking by turned to stare. Someone laughed. Ryul didn’t care. He looked back at her.

“See?”

She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“What are you doing? Oh my gosh you’re so embarrassing..”

“Getting it out. Something you can’t do”

“Shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“So?” He chuckled and smirked.

“Your turn.” He said.

She immediately shook her head. “No.”

“C’mon.”

“No”

“What are they gonna do? Arrest you?” He said laughing, where was the bully Kim Ryul?

She looked around nervously. People were still staring.

“I can’t.” She said shaking her head.

“You can.” He said laughing.

He shouted again, even louder than before.

“Y/N!”

She couldn’t help it. A tiny laugh escaped before she covered her mouth. Ryul noticed. He pointed at her with a satisfied smile.

“I’ve been trying to make you do that for weeks.” He said. Her cheeks warmed, not because of shyness.

“I wasn’t laughing.” “Liar.”

He nodded toward the river one last time.

“C’mon, President.” He said grabbing her jacket like an excited kid.

“Just once.”

She closed her eyes. Took a shaky breath.

And, for the first time in years… She screamed. Not because her life suddenly became easier. But because, for a single moment… She stopped being afraid of hearing her own voice.

He smirked and screamed after her again. They laughed, stupid laughs. Stupid kids. They thought they understood each other. Maybe they did. Maybe that was the problem.

The rest of the second week passed faster than either expected. Detention didn’t feel like detention anymore. Ryul hadn’t changed he was still late, still skipping classes, still arguing with teachers. y/n still complained, marking his name down with an annoyed sigh each afternoon.

Yet somehow… neither of them hated those three hours anymore. Ryul caught himself watching the clock during his last class—not for detention, but for her.

The girl who no longer looked at him with fear, but like she was trying to understand him. That scared him more. He was letting someone into his life. Someone who could disappoint him again. Hurt him.

y/n began noticing things she hadn’t before. His bruises that changed daily—jaw, ribs, swollen knuckles, bruised lips, He always brushed it off, like pain was just part of him.

Most of all… she hated that he believed he deserved it.

One afternoon, she stopped pretending not to notice. She told him to quit—not to control him, but because she was tired of watching him destroy himself. Because she cared about him. Someone was caring about him? her? He didn’t wanted to drag her with him. Ryul didn’t hear concern. He heard pity.

And he hated pity. The argument started small and spiraled. He told her to stop acting like she understood him. She told him getting beaten half to death wasn’t strength.

“Says the one who can even stand for herself” He scoffed, annoyed. She stood firmly.

She asked how long his body could take it. He asked how long she’d keep living for people who barely noticed her. Silence. That was a low blow. They weren’t talking about each other anymore.

When detention ended, they walked away in opposite directions.

That night, y/n told herself she wouldn’t hear from him again. Not late texts, as Ryul had been doing. Not sneaking out at night to see the stars with him.

It was better that way. Cleaner. Safer. Not trying to fix him. Help him.

She tried to focus on homework, but her mind kept drifting back to his voice—sharp, defensive, and underneath it… tired. At 11:48 p.m., her phone lit up.

Ryul.

“can i come over. please.”

“i’m pretty messed up. i don’t want my mom or my ani to see me like this.”

Her chest tightened. She was the only place he didn’t have to pretend. Her fingers trembled as she typed, erased, then finally sent—

“where are you.”

“outside your house.”

y/n froze. Her heart raced. She stood so quickly her chair scraped the floor. And there he was. Leaning against the wall. Head lowered. Hands in his pockets, she saw it; the blood. The swelling. For the first time… Kim Ryul didn’t look untouchable. He looked broken. And when he saw her, he didn’t smile. He just looked relieved

“Gosh look at you. Come on” she said, worried. Over Kim Ryul.

He chuckled faintly and followed her silently inside her house. The house was empty. All the people already sleeping. He looked around. It was really big and modern, you could tell her parents were into art because of the different statues, He looked around and distracted himself as he spotted some little statues.

“Ryul…let’s go” she whispered anxiously. She was risking it all for him, getting him into her house was risky.

He turned around and nodded following her, pretending he wasn’t feeling all the pain in the world; over his ribs, his slowly turning into purple eye, bruised cheeks and his lips. A whole mess.

“Stay here” she said as they stepped into her room.

He nodded and went and sat down on the bed. It was very quiet, an uncomfortable silence, so he observed, he was in a place where y/n spent most of her time, he felt closer to her there, to her thoughts, to her problems. He could see his reflection through her eyes everything, maybe they were similar at the end of the day. He got up and walked around the room. Everything was painfully… her. Stacks of books. books sprinkled everywhere. A desk lamp still glowing over unfinished homework. No pictures of friends. No photographs with her parents. Nothing that made the room feel lived in. notebooks, and tools with which she worked. Ryul smiled a little when he saw a photo of her as a child. y/n looked happy, maybe she was at that time. And more things, travel pins, keychains and more irrelevant things.

His eyes drifted toward the closed door. She was risking a lot. Not because her parents would probably catch them. Because she believed they would. She still cared enough to be afraid for him. The door opened again.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw that y/n returned to the room with a medicine cabinet in her hand. She was carrying a small plastic box filled with bandages, antiseptic and cotton pads. Without saying much, she sat beside him.

“…Your hand.” She said

Ryul looked at her for a second before quietly holding it out.

“…Youre going to feel like it’s burning.” “I’ve had worse.”

“Have you? You’re always saying that.” She said

“…Well Im not lying, y/n.” He said

She poured antiseptic over the split skin covering his knuckles. He didn’t flinch, she pressed against one of the cuts. He clenched his jaw.

“…Fuck” he groaned lowly

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “So it does burn.”

“…Don’t get used to it. I don’t like people seeing me like that”

A deep thought, he just gulped and looked away. She just nodded and continued to heal his wounds. Slowly so as not to hurt him, she cared about not hurting him, more than he was, physically and psychologically. Silence settled between them again. She continued to heal his jaw. His split lips. The cut beneath his eyebrow. She turned to the icy press she took from her refrigerator minutes before and pressed it on his eye, gently. There were too many bruises.

Too many for someone their age. But it was seen that it had been for a long time, there were scars that it was obvious that they would not disappear.

She let go of his hand but he took hers, he didn’t want to let it go. Not in a romantic way. Not because he liked her. But because it was the first time in a long time that someone touched him without wanting to hit him. But he realised, and let her go. He cleared his throat.

“How many times have you fought with someone? Or how many illegal fights have you participated in?” she asked, genuinely worried.

“I’ve lost the count.” He said frowning from the pain of his eye. She frowned.

He stayed quiet. For a long time. The only sound in the room was cotton rubbing against skin.

“You know, I thought if I hit people hard enough…I’d stop thinking about him.”

“I’m disappointed in life, my dad was a good man, even so he was killed. So what’s the point of treating others well?”

He laughed. A tired laugh.

“Besides, I haven’t been able to leave it even if I want to. It’s a hole that I dragged myself, and very deep. Make fun of others. Beating innocent people. Fighting for money or simply for impotence. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Even drugs..”

Another pause

“I wasn’t trying to get high. I was just trying not to think.”

His eyes stayed fixed on the floor.

“I feel like it’s not even me anymore. After my father’s death, it was hard for me to go back to being like before. My mom and sister act like everything is fine. They tell me time will heal everything. But it doesn’t work.”

“Just like my father. He suffered from debts. But he always smiled and told us that everything was going to be fine…And now I feel like an idiot for not helping him. For not having spent more time with him. And I want to get all this out..”

“I want to be normal again. Smile. Help my mom. My dad scolding me because I skipped class. Make mom smile for getting a simple 8 in math. Play with Ani. Hiking with my dad. But life doesn’t allow me to. I don’t want to be seen. I can’t. I miss me.”

Silence. His jaw tightened. No more thoughts. He began to talk for the first time about how he feels, he could have done it with anyone, but with no one he would feel seen and heard as with her.

“Time just taught me how to pretend.”

y/n finished wrapping the bandage around his hand. She noticed his fingers trembling. Not from pain. From something much deeper.

“…I couldn’t save him.”

His voice cracked. With one hand he grabbed his face while frowning. Holding back the tears.

“So every time someone gets hurt i keep thinking maybe if I had been stronger…”

He lowered his head. And shook his head. Finally he let out some tears. His shoulders shook once, then again, no loud sobs. No dramatic breakdown.

Just quiet tears falling onto the clean bandage wrapped around his hand.

Kim Ryul stopped pretending, she didn’t know what to say.

The weeks that followed felt… less awful. They talked now because they wanted to. Not because of the detention of Ryul. Nor because life had suddenly become easier.

It hadn’t. It would never.

Ryul still carried problems. Bruises. A broken heart. Disappointment.

y/n still went home to parents who barely noticed whether she was there or not. She tried to. Step by step, because of Ryul. Nothing around them had changed. They had, the hope they did. After that night, Being with her. At her side, where nobody expected him to pretend he was fine, He found himself being really observant and listening her, catching things she said.

She hated cigarettes. And for Ryul? the pack in his pocket stayed unopened longer than usual. She hated seeing him come back covered in bruises. He didn’t stop fighting… but for the first time, he started wondering if she was right. Maybe. Violence wasn’t the answer, he could find light in something else. In her.

He never told her. He simply…tried.

In his own way. He had a different way to show love.

y/n changed too in her own way. Still she always studied, got perfect grades. But she stopped believing every free minute had to belong to school, some days, she found herself waiting outside the gates because she knew Ryul would eventually appear to walk her home, Other times she let him drag her through the city with no destination at all, watch the stars, the moon, to save her. They walked more than they talked, but eventually that closeness crashed them, they eventually argued, because no one else would tell each other what they thought about them. y/n wouldn’t raise her voice with someone else that wasn’t Ryul, or Ryul wouldn’t show vulnerability to someone else who isn’t her, they argued. Fought, and sometimes they laughed over things that weren’t even funny. But they were trying to heal, heal each other, themselves. But they didn’t knew it.

Neither of them felt completely alone. For now.

But sometimes by little the heart starts losing its faith, losing the voice.

Little by little, their routine became each other. Loving each other harder. In their ways.

Not intentionally, It just… happened.

Some days Ryul would disappear before classes ended, only to show up the next day pretending nothing had happened.

Y/n would complain. He would shrug it off

They argued almost every single day. About his grades, because she was president at the end of the day.

About the bruises, he was killing himself.

About the people he picked on for no reason. Ruining their lives.

About how she spent every second of her life trying to be perfect. How she pretended to be someone she wasn’t, how she didn’t even dared to talk about her own opinions.

Neither of them ever won those arguments. Ryul would wait outside the student council room, leaning against the wall while pretending he wasn’t waiting for anyone. To apologize. When y/n walked out carrying another pile of paperwork, he’d look away immediately.

She’d roll her eyes. “You’ve been standing a whole life time.”

“You could’ve gone home.” She said.

“I know.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“…Then? Leave, why are you staying?”

“Idk, no reason” he said, there always was.

Some nights he’d throw tiny rocks against her bedroom window just to annoy her. Or to hang out with her. Sometimes she’d ignore him, others she’d open the curtains only to tell him to go away

But the other percentage of times… She left anyway, with him. They ever had a destination, through empty streets, they walked, the liked to. Past convenience stores, across bridges talking about nothing or talking about everything.

Ryul slowly stopped noticing how often he reached for a cigarette because every time he did… He remembered the look on her face by the Han River. Fuck. He would just, put them away. Throw the whole package away, or fail himself and light one…anyway.

He was turning into a completely different person, he doubted he would relapse.

He’d sigh. Changing wasn’t something that happened overnight.

He started changing, or at least he wanted to believe he was.

Life started to change, he had days when he went through a whole day without fighting with someone, or smoking.

He had days when he would walk drive home thinking about her, not everything he had lost.

Till that day. He was happy. He had just dropped y/n to her house. And suddenly the car connected to a phone call. An unknown number, he was going to ignore it but something told him to answer.

“Hello? Who is this?”

He recognized the voice, Dr. Kang, his mother’s doctor.

He started listening , his expression changed, he lost the color of his face. He just listened without talking, he just nodded.

“…I understand.”

The call ended, he stopped to calm himself a bit. He zoned out. His life was ruined. His mother was sick, he knew it, he had knew it even before his father died.

His hand slowly tightened around his phone. Until his knuckles turned white, her treatment wasn’t working and she needed another one

A more expensive one, money they didn’t have. Money she couldn’t raise by herself, she wasn’t even in condition to work.

He laughed. A quiet laugh. A faintly one.

Of course, he started changing, turning good…and life was about to give treat him just as his good father…maybe that was the problem, he shouldn’t be good.

He thought life was finally giving him a chance and it just reminded him who he was.

That night he didn’t even thought about her, didn’t threw about the cigarette.

He lit it, smoke burned his lungs, he felt it comforting. It felt familiar. His eyes drifted toward his phone, y/n’s last message.

“did you get home safely?”

His thumb hovered over the keyboard to answer, he wanted to tell her everything, but he couldn’t. He locked his phone, She had spent weeks trying to pull him out of that life, With the little strength she had, with the little mental and psychological stability she had, she tried, she really cared about him. But he wasn’t going to be the one dragging her back into it, into that dark hole he got himself into

Not again.

That night he barely slept, he knew he was about to relapse. He tried to close his eyes, but everytime he did it, the doctor’s voice. Treatment has to start as soon as possible Money, money he didn’t have.

The following days he began to evade her and act as if nothing was happening, it was a cycle. And it was happening again. He began to act as if that phone call had never happened.

He didn’t wanted to face her. And every place where he knew she would be. He didn’t even walked close to 100 meters. Eventually he spoke to her again. But he denied everything. That he was fine, that her smile was not enough to erase all those thoughts she had in her head, He stopped waiting outside the student council room. He left school before detention. He ignored her messages.

“We don’t talk anymore, are you okay?”

seen

He couldn’t, he couldn’t let himself answer. And y/n felt like he hadn’t change at all, that he let someone as Kim Ryul into her life. She should’ve known that his love was going to be pure pain, a game.

When she called his name in the hallway he kept walking. Every step felt heavier than the last and he started hating himself for it, every time he saw her… He remembered the promise he had never actually made. He broke his promise. That he would try to be better, for himself, for her.

He couldn’t. Not anymore. He spent the next week looking everywhere, Part-time jobs, Convenience stores, Restaurants, Anywhere. He laughed every single time someone said, “We’ll call you.” Nobody ever did.

The hospital bills kept arriving. He knew that none of those jobs would cover the hospital bills. The numbers kept getting bigger. He opened the drawer beneath his bed at the very back, Lay the gloves. Still stained. Still smelling like sweat and blood. He stared at them for a long time long enough to convince himself to close the drawer again.

He couldn’t do it, betray himself like that,

Not after everything y/n had done. Not after all those nights by the Han River. Nights like these. Not after promising himself he would become someone his father would’ve been proud of.

He slammed the drawer off. Walked away, paced around his room anxiously. He came back, Opened it again, Picked up the gloves. Closed his eyes.

“…I’m sorry.”

y/n the next few days. She only saw how he began to assist to school all beaten up, like that boy he was before her. He kept ignoring her. He disappeared out of nowhere, he continued to have that unpleasant cigarette smell. She got tired of that and decided to do something. By the time school started, she’d already spoken with the principal. Not because she wanted Ryul punished. Because she knew if she simply asked him to talk he wouldn’t. The announcement came during second period. Ryul was resting his head over his desk, sleeping.

“Kim Ryul. Student council office.”

He barely reacted. He got up annoyed. What have he done now? He haven’t beat anyone…in school. He let out a loud scoff before standing up, shoving his hands into his pockets as he made his way across the hallway. y/n stood by the window with her back turned to him, arms crossed tightly against her chest. She had been rehearsing everything she wanted to say all morning. She was trying to convince herself she wasn’t nervous, but she was.

The door clicked shut.

“…You wanted to see me?” He said. Silence.

His face looked worse than yesterday. She turned around, more bruises, another slip lip, and she knew she was going to get another excuse.

“i know, you started fighting again?.” She said, she sounded pissed. And worried. He didn’t answer.

“Ryul. You promised you’d try, gosh, didn’t you even tried?.” She said faintly.

“What are you fucking saying? I never promised anything and you don’t know anything about how hard I even tried.” He said annoyed, not wanting to hear her, big mistake.

“You did! Have your forgotten everything now?! Are you serious?!.” She raised her voice.

“I didn’t.” He said and more silence. She hated that he could lie while looking directly into her eyes.

“I know you fought again, you’re fighting again, and smoking…and drinking.” She said. Her heart burned she saw his face like that. He looked away.

Something inside her finally broke.

“What was all of this then?” She asked. She gestured between them.

“Everything you told me. Was that all a joke?”

Ryul clenched his jaw. She was being self centered. “It wasn’t, what are you talking about?.”

“Then why?! Why did you had to throw it all away?! Why couldn’t you live without damaging yourself?! Gosh if I knew you were fighting again I would do something about it!”

“I thought you knew!” He said raising his voice. He could’ve told her. About the hospital. About the bills. About his mother. He opened his mouth. Closed it again, He couldn’t.

“…You wouldn’t understand.”

She scoffed. “you’re really weak for all that tough mask. You don’t even give me the chance to. I’m trying to protect you. To save you!”

“I don’t need you to protect me nor save me! I DONT WANT YOUR PITY!” He said

“You don’t know what you’re asking. And you don’t know how to let people stay.” She shouted.

He felt something inside him crack.

“You think this is easy for me? You’re being so damn self centered as always!” He said

“I think I think you stopped trying! You gave up as nothing, like it’s not worthy.” She shouted

His eyes met hers. There was no anger. Only disappointment. Not in her. In himself.

He nodded once. Turned around. And walked toward the door. y/n watched him leave, She wanted him to stop to turn around and be honest. He didn’t

She thought he had chosen that life over her, chosen her over violence, and he walked through the empty hallway without looking back, Even though every step hurt.

Not because of the bruises. Because he had chosen to let her hate him. Thinking it would hurt less than watching her drown with him.

He never came back after that, Not that day and not the next one either. She convinced herself she didn’t care, she buried herself in homework. Meetings. Reports. University applications but it didn’t work. Every hallway reminded her of him, every oud laugh sounded like his for just a second.

Ryul sat alone inside his car. His father’s car, Parked outside the old warehouse where the fights were held, his gloves rested in the passenger seat. The same pair he had promised himself he’d never wear again, People walked past his window, calling his name, Another fight on another night. Another envelope full of money, worthy because his mother needed. His hand reached for the gloves, he stopped. He looked at them for a long time. Long enough to remember another pair of hands, smaller, more careful. Carefully wrapping bandages around his own.

“You’re going to feel like it’s burning.”

He smiled to himself, he grabbed the gloves and held them tightly. He set them back down. He started the engine and not toward the warehouse. Toward her. He wasn’t running away, not anymore. He was finally going to tell her everything.

About why he’d disappeared, about why he’d let her hate him, why he hurt her. He didn’t know whether she’d forgive him and he wasn’t even sure she should but he just knew that she deserved the truth.

The rain began before he reached her neighborhood, it was soft at first and then it got heavier, the windshield blurred beneath the water as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his heartbeat wouldn’t slow down, he had rehearsed the words a hundred times.

“I’m sorry.” It was too simple.

“I lied.” It wasn’t enough.

“I love you.” It was already late.

He scoffed quietly. He was a mess for her

By the time Ryul reached her neighborhood, the rain got heavier and the streets were almost empty, dark. Streetlights reflected over the wet pavement. He parked outside her house, shutting the engine off for a moment while his hands remained resting on the steering wheel. Debating himself what he should do.

He had imagined this conversation a hundred different ways. He scoffed quietly to himself.

“…You really are an idiot Kim Ryul...” he mumbled to himself. He remembered the first night he had stood outside that same house, throwing tiny rocks against her window just to annoy her. And back then he hadn’t realized he was slowly falling in love with her, he always thought she was just another strange girl, a weird quiet nerd to mature for their age, but now, she had became the first person he wanted to run towards and tell everything, somehow, she was the only person he had ever lied to and hurt.

He grabbed his phone and looked for her contact, he opened their conversation.

The last message she had sent days ago was still there, He had never answered, his thumb hovered over the keyboard.

“can we talk?” Typed again.

“i’m outside.” Deleted it.

Not through a message, or a screen, he left the car, the cold rain soaking through his hoodie almost immediately, the familiar window on the second floor was still lighting, thankfully she was awake, of course she was, always staying awake longer than she should, he looked around… picked up a small pebble from the ground and threw it to her window.

It hit the glass with a soft tap…twice.

seconds later… the curtains moved and he saw her pulling them aside, she stared down at him, confused, pissed.

He looked exhausted, those eyes. Tired of life, his hair soaked from the rain, split lip that hadn’t healed, bruises beneath his eye had turned a red tone like it was barely healing, and she wasn’t gonna lie but looked worse than he had at school.

But yet, Ryul wasn’t looking away, He was looking at her almost pleading, she hesitated bc a part of her told her to close those damn curtains…make him feel exactly what she had felt; ignored and abandoned, but she followed the other part, the part she hated admitting still existed. Disappearing from the window.

The front door opened quietly, she walked toward the passenger side of the car, crossing her arms against the cold.

“…What do you want?” She asked covering herself with a jacket. He opened the door for her, he didn’t even answer immediately, he just looked at her, Like he was afraid this might be the last time.

“…Please.Just… hear me out okay?” He said almost pleading. Still opened the door for her, she got inside, rain continued falling around them.

The car remained still, and neither of them looked at each other. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. It was heavy. Really annoying.

Ryul kept both hands around the steering wheel, staring through the windshield while driving. He parked and too a deep breath to speak.

“…I went to the fight…and I think you-“

He was saying but she interrupted him

“I know you went to fight again” she said.

“And I knew it, that you knew…and I couldn’t leave the car, I just… sat there.”

He said and his laugh came out empty.

“I kept thinking about what you said to me last day...gosh I got mad at you, I got angry. I told myself you didn’t understand.” He scoffed and passed a hand through his face

“I thought you were being self centered…but it- but the whole time I was just hoping you were wrong.”

“I drove away…I couldn’t do it...” he looked at her. And for the first time since getting into the car she dared to look at him too.

“…Then why the fuck did you disappear?” She said. She was hurt, not pissed.

His fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

“My mom.— it doesn’t matter…I made a mistake…”

His eyes looked exhausted, and not from crying but because he was carrying too much for too long. y/n lowered her eyes.

“I didn’t tell you because…” he said. he shook his head.

“I didn’t tell you because if you knew… You would’ve stayed, you would have tried fixing everything! You would’ve carried that with me” he clenched his jaw and shook his head..he started driving again. Slower.

“And i…I just…I couldn’t let you.” He said turning to see her. She stared at him. For a long moment…

“Are you idiot? You don’t get to decide that for me?! Did you even thought about how I would feel—If I knew—...” Her voice broke.

“You don’t get to push me away, ignore me and treat me like shit and call it protecting me!!”

“y/n! I know!”

“You don’t get to disappear! That’s bullshit!” She said, and every ‘I know’, every one sounded the same. Ashamed.

Tears had started falling before she even noticed. She shook her head and turned to see him.

“…Do you know how much I hated you these past weeks? Don’t you think you deserved that?”

He nodded.

“Why you?— Ugh! Why you’re so impossible…!.”

She corrected herself almost immediately.

“…I tried to understand you.”

Ryul smiled sadly. And scoffed.

“…Neither could I.” He looked back through the windshield, and those words he’d been terrified of saying his entire life suddenly felt…

“Yk. I spent years thinking my dad was wrong.” He said still driving, but he wanted to see her face. She looked at him.

“He believed people were worth loving. And gosh I thought he was stupid.” He said. And she started to felt it…no…she shook her head.

“I thought that’s what got him killed, but then…gosh…”

He looked at her again. “I met you. Life put you in my way… and I was—…I kept asking myself why…why you?“

“Why someone like you would even look at someone like me?? Why??” He said, she felt how his voice trembled,

“And I finally understood that It wasn’t because you wanted to save me and neither It was because you felt sorry for me…You just…” He smiled through tired eyes.

“…saw me…You saw me before I even remembered who I was…gosh I never wanted to heal, I just wanted someone who saw me..”

He laughed quietly, shaking his head.

“I’m really bad at this talking, opening my heart to someone…you already know that…I’ll try to..” he said and took another breath

“But I just want you to know that if I leave tonight without saying it…I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” His eyes never left hers. He kept driving, but turned to see her anyway…

“…y/n…I love you…you…you complete me..” he said, Not because you’re perfect…Not because you always know what to say and nor because you tried to change me… “I love you because…when I look into your eyes…I see the only person that only believes in me...You make me remember who I was before I threw my life to the shitty world I’m in, the world wasn’t worth believing in…gosh I sound so pathetic but you…” he took a deep breath.

“You make me want tomorrow.”

y/n covered her mouth, trying to stop herself from crying, She had imagined hearing those words. Dreamed of them…but not like this, not after everything.

She slowly shook her head.

“Stop…stop…you don’t mean that..”

His eyes widened, she looked away immediately.

“y/n I do!” He said.

“No you don’t! That you—that you feel that it’s a big mistake…We’re not good for each other” she said

“watching you destroy yourself is destroying me too.” She said

“I can’t keep wondering every night if you’re alive, you worried the shit out of me.” She shouted.

“We’re two broken people. We don’t match okay! We don’t know how to love without hurting each other! And you just prove me that!”

She raised her voice, he kept driving, but his body was trembling.

“You don’t get to say that now and pretend that I’ll fix everything! Don’t- don’t- just don’t…you don’t get to disappear and come back like this and tell me I love you like it’ll fix everything!” She said, it was haunting her, she loved him, but she was sorry…she still couldn’t say it out loud.

“It doesn’t okay?! It hurts and it’s all your damn fault!” She said, her breathing became uneven.

“You keep choosing that life. Every single time…and…one day they’re going to kill you.” She said

“And I’ll have to live knowing I wasn’t enough to stop you…!” She said

Silence felt over them. She wiped her tears angrily.

“I can’t love someone who’s constantly choosing to destroy himself…if you’re alive..can’t spend every day wondering if you’re coming back alive. love isn’t enough. never was.”

She reached for the door handle. He was in shock. Ryul panicked.

“…What the fuck are you doing?”

She opened the door.

“Y/n don’t! Come inside y/n, please.” She started walking away through the rain. To the opposite direction.

“Shit shit- you gotta be kidding me, the opposite direction??..”

He watched her getting farther.

“…y/n!” He shouted but she didn’t turn around.

“…Shit.” He cursed

He threw the gear into reverse. Only thinking about catching up to her. Not the road. Not the rain. Not the headlights appearing behind him.

Invading the opposite side and then…all that happened at once, a deafening crash, glass that exploded across the road…

y/n froze, her breathing stopped.

She turned around, the world seemed to move slower than before. It was impossible, it was dream…a nightmare…

Ryul’s car had spun across the road, crushed against the front of a truck…The windshield had shattered completely.

She started running. Cars stopped.People worried. Someone shouted to call an ambulance. She didn’t hear any of it. She reached the driver’s side, slipping onto her knees against the wet pavement.

The door wouldn’t open.

“…HELP SOMEONE HELP!…” Her trembling hands hit the window over and over, blood slowly ran down the side of his face, eyes were closed. She hit the window harder.

“please..I— someone help!”

People walked and tried to open the door but it was impossible with the car destroyed. Her voice broke completely. The rain mixed with the tears running down her face. Somebody pulled her back as firefighters and paramedics rushed toward the wreckage. She fought against their grip.

The flashing ambulance lights reflected across the soaked pavement. One paramedic looked at another.

She realized something far more terrifying than loving him…She might lose him before she ever had the chance to tell him the truth.

The hospital smelled like antiseptic, it was a smell so but so quiet, familiar and at the same time so depressing and depressing. The doctors rushed past her, shouting words she couldn’t understand. Nurses pushed stretchers down endless hallways. Someone asked her to sit down, She didn’t, tbh…she wasn’t even listening, she just wanted to hear his voice..or at least someone’s else’s voice saying that he’ll be okay…was he?

She remained outside the operating room, Still soaked from the rain but she couldn’t care less…she was regretting everything…While still staring at the doors that had swallowed Ryul…Time stopped making sense, those minutes became hours, became nothing…Please don’t do this, Not him, Not after everything, he’d been trying to be better…

The red light above the operating room finally turned off, the doctor stepped outside.

“…He survived the surgery.” He said

She forgot how to breathe. Didn’t sounded so good…Her heart dropped.

“…He’s in a coma.”

The rest of the sentence disappeared beneath the ringing inside her ears. Coma.

The word echoed over and over again,

She nodded because she couldn’t do anything else…

Hours later…she quietly stepped inside his hospital room…Machines filled the silence…a horrible silent…

The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the oxygen flowing through his mask a lot of bandages…and bruises…she covered her mouth, with a trembling hand stopping her from crying. She slowly sat beside the bed while looking at him

“…You know…” she said and chuckled faintly…Quietly…

“…You’re really annoying. You spent months trying to make me talk.” She said

“You kept saying I should stop hiding…You told me to scream…” she said biting her lip while looking around.

“You told me to say what I felt. And now…”

Another laugh, a broken one

“…Now you’re the one who won’t say anything…Gosh Ryul…you’re the only person who has ever seen me in another way, not in that..that perfect student way…”

Her fingers slowly found his hand, she grabbed it carefully like if she was afraid of hurting him. “…You asshole…” she said

“…You said you loved me. I didn’t answer.”

Another tear rolled down her cheek.

“But you wanna know something fun?”

“That I haven’t love anyone else as much as I love you…but I was so scared…”

“Do you know how scary that is?”

“I was scared. So scared. I acted like I didn’t care..but…I was scared that one day you’ll come around and say ‘hey you’re not worth it’…yeah..” she chuckled faintly…broken”

“And..I kept telling myself loving you would only hurt…” she said while smiled through tears.

“But it—It hurts a lot more without you.”

She looked down at their hands. Caressing his bruised knuckles…

“…The truth is…I love you too.” She admitted.

“I’ve loved you for longer than I wanted to admit…and yeah…you also complete me..”

“Gosh I’m so stupid, i swear I loved waiting for detention just to hear you…I loved hearing those stupid rocks hit my window.” She scoffed smiling…

“I loved walking with no destination. I loved arguing with you and I even loved how much you annoyed me.” Her shoulders trembled.

“You were the first person who ever looked at me…Really looked at me…My parents never did…My classmates never did.”

“…You did.” She said as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand

“And the only person who ever saw me…”

“…can’t even open his eyes.”

“I finally found my voice.”

She laughed again.

“…You’re gonna be so mad you weren’t awake to hear it. Yey, you did it Kim Ryul, you did it…”

She squeezed his hand gently.

“I love you…I always will…You better wake up or I’ll kill you…Because I’m not done arguing with you yet.”

The heart monitor continued beeping. SHe looked at him…she leaned and lay her head over his chest.

“y/n…just so you know…I’m glad you finally found your voice.

You always thought I was trying to teach you how to speak and Yeah maybe, kinda of but actually..just so you know that you were teaching me too, gosh.. You taught me that being kind wasn’t the same as being weak, you opened my eyes, maybe my dad wasn’t wrong at all. He was a good man.

I wish I could tell you not to worry, but you already know I’ve never been very good at keeping promises..facts…yk, There are so many things I’ve hidden from you, not because I wanted to lie, but because every time I looked at you, I wanted you to keep smiling just a little longer. I was afraid that if you knew everything, I’d drag you into the same darkness I’ve been living in for years…and you with that smile you showed me there were still people worth believing in.

My mom got sick and the stupid treatment stopped working, didn’t have the money. I looked for jobs and guess what? Nobody wanted me, yeah no shit. so I just went back, Not because I stopped trying. Don’t take me as weak please, but bc I thought there wasn’t another way…

I know you’re probably angry. You have every right to be. You tried so hard to pull me away from this life, and I still went back, I wish I could tell you I was stronger than that, but I wasn’t… it’s embarrassing, maybe that’s the hardest thing for me to admit. I spent so much time pretending I didn’t care about anyone that I forgot what it felt like to be scared of losing someone, I lost the most important person in my life before, and now I’m sorry I made you believe none of it was real. Everything was real even every stupid rock I threw at your window. It was real.

And I didn’t forgot to answer this, that you once asked me why I always looked at you the way I did, the truth is that I never saw the girl who always had good grades, or the student council president everyone admired, pfff, I don’t even look at girls, I was too distracted pretending to be a tough guy but the truth is that I saw someone who kept giving every piece of herself away just to be noticed by people who never bothered to look. Btw your parents are jerks. Fuck them, okay I’m kidding..but iI wanted to tell you every single day that you never had to earn love. You were always enough. I just never knew how to say it out loud. For me you are. I’m not very good at writing and yk that. I’ve always been better at throwing punches than putting feelings into words, But this is the first time in my life…

I’m writing with my heart instead of my fists.. If you’re reading this…

It means I never found the courage to tell you all of this myself, please don’t wait for me. Live. Laugh loudly. Argue with people. Tell your parents exactly how you feel. Scream at the Han River again. Promise me you won’t spend your life waiting for someone who couldn’t stay.

And… Be happy. Even if I’m not there to see it.