My anxiety has been through the roof the last few days. Sleeping has also been very challenging. As Iâm taking an extra week off my chemo pills, I wanted to take a few days off from my pain pills as well. So, Monday and Tuesday I went without and it was not fun.
I took them today before my run but didnât wait long enough for them to kick in. I was on the struggle bus the entire time.
I hate the term âjunk milesâ but I can only describe what I did today as completely junky. lol.
I tried to psych myself up by wearing my race shirt from the last ultra I did - the Whistler 50 (mile) in 2013.
Unfortunately, I felt too hot, my neck and shoulder was in pain and my feet are sore and have taken a beating over the past few months. The medications Iâm on do cause nails to loosen and fall off. Running has exasperated that. So gross.
Iâm also worried that itâs going to pour with rain on race day. Iâm worried that the Uber that Iâve booked wonât show up to drive me. Iâm worried that my pain will be too much and I wonât be able to run at all. Iâm worried that Iâm going to hurt myself. Iâm worried that I wonât get enough sleep. Iâm worried I wonât be able to go poop before the race and Iâll have tummy troubles and eventually shit my pants.
Ahhh⌠Virgo the worry-wart.
Iâll be doing some writing in my CBT journal tonight. I find it helps with all the âcatastrophizingâ and âfortune tellingâ way of thinking my brain does. My mind has been going on a crazy tangents the last few days. Iâm trying hard to rein myself in. Deep breaths. One step at a time. Be mindful. Stay in the moment. Look at the pretty flowersâŚ
Some wildflowers I saw on my walk/run, today.
My Mom also picked me up a hanging basket for outside my door which was really nice. I love flowers.
I applied for a free night of respite at a hotel through an organization. They booked a deluxe suite at a 4 star hotel downtown Victoria at the end of the month. Iâll be bringing my Mom and weâll be celebrating a late Motherâs Day together (as this weekend is busy for the both of us). Iâm really appreciative of this gift and will be looking forward to spending some quality time with my Mom.
Last night my Oma called and she was all apologetic for not answering her phone the past few weeks because she hasnât been able to hear. (My Dad had already informed me of this.) She had to get both her hearing aid fixed and her ears cleaned out. Apparently, this brought a lot of drama. My Oma gets really anxious about everything as well⌠the apple doesnât fall far from the tree, I guess.
Tomorrow, Iâll try again to do an early morning run âŚor maybe just a walk. That will be it for the week. Iâll be soaking my feet in Epsom salts, hydrating and reading. Iâm trying to figure out what to eat for a carbo load. I also have to go into Victoria to pick up my race package and some chews. Maybe Iâll treat myself to a new pair of run socks. Not like I donât have enough. Iâll need to slather my feet with Body Glide, regardless. Body Glide was always my best friend when running long distances in the summer months. I used to rub that stuff under my sports bra like crazy. If I didnât, Iâd be having a very painful shower after. I donât have that issue anymore being a âflattieâ but itâs good for feet âŚor basically anywhere you could chafe or blister.
Well, thatâs my long-winded Body Glide story.
I have to help the kid with their homework now. They also have a big presentation for tomorrow.
I shall leave you with this photo of my sister and I at playland. Circa 1992-ish. I would have been 16 and my sister was 13. I may have posted it before but it came up in my photo memories, again. It always makes me laugh. Enjoy.
I made fun of my sister wearing socks with sandals. âŚbut, Iâm wearing frigginâ platform Keds boots to an amusement park. âŚand donât get me started on those pants. lol.



















