I moan against his mouth. I don’t think I could ever get used to kissing him. Not only am I still unsure of how often this would be a thing, but also because since last night I’ve felt his mouth against mine in a hundred and one different ways and I never know what to expect. Right now, I’m getting rough dirty Jay who kisses like I belong to him only. His teeth bite into my bottom lip roughly. When he pulls back breathless, his forehead rests against mine. His eyes stay closed as he breathes against me. “I’m definitely stopping by tonight,” he smiles. I laugh and push him away and pull my duvet up over my shoulders leaving my head out.“A bit presumptuous?” I ask. My eyebrow ticks up in defiance but I can’t help the stupid grin that fights its way on my lips. Jay imitates my expression, his own eyebrow raised. His hand moves under the blanket grabbing my breast before continuing its journey lower. His destination is my ass, which he gives a rough squeeze. His fingers press hard into my skin. “I’m not done with you,” he says. I get ready to ask him exactly when he think he would be so I can prepare my heart in advance, but I stay quiet looking up at him. “Go to work, but make sure you come back,” He nods, dipping his head to press his lips against my neck, and then he’s gone. He walks out to collect his T-shirt from the floor in the kitchen and not long after I hear the door open and shut. I can already feel how empty my apartment is. It’s always like that when he leaves like I don’t know when the next time I’ll see him and how long for. I roll over gently, my body aching in some places more than others, but I’m sore all over. My joints feel stiff. My muscles feel like I’d used every single one of them last night. There’s a goofy smile on my face as I remember his hands on me. It was more than I could imagine, more than I could’ve hoped for. Our bodies moved together like there was no other option but to move in sync. Whether that’s just because Jay is good at having sex, I’m not sure. I like to hope that our compatibility wasn’t based solely on his very experienced talents. I look over at the clock beside my bed. It’s barely nine-thirty and as much as I want to spend all day in bed, it feels empty and cold. I stretch and get out of bed to make my way to the bathroom, grabbing a towel on my way. Looking at my body in the mirror, I’m a mosaic of dark purple marks. My neck is covered. My collarbones are marked with evidence of just how many times Jay’s mouth touched my skin. My breasts and hips have a faint but recognizable shape of fingers pressed into my flesh. He’s made his mark everywhere on my body. If it had been anyone else I’d be a little pissed that they’d purposely taken time to stake claim on my body. But it’s not just anyone. It’s Jay, and he’d owned my body before either of us even realized it. I turn on my shower, waiting for steam to fill my bathroom. When I step in, the water sinks deep into my bones, loosening me up. I stretch my neck, my elbows, feeling myself a little bit more. As good as it feels to get clean, I’m already eager to get dirty again. I step out of the shower, wrap a towel around my body. I brush my teeth, wrap my hair into a bun and make my way back out to my bedroom. I look at my sheets, halfway off the bed, a mess; but other than this there’s no more evidence of Jay left. Work is the last thing I want to do when I can still feel his body against me. I can’t fill my day miserably waiting for him to come back. I grab my phone and laptop from beside my bed and head to the living room. If I’m not going to my office today, the least I can do is get some work done from home. So I work. I fill orders, I track shipments coming in, go over looks for events that I have coming up. It’s all a lot to handle on my own, but I do it knowing that I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. Seoul was a culture shock, of course, but after a few weeks it became easy for me to see myself staying in South Korea long term. Even with Jay on the road, my modest apartment and dream job is home. By the time I’m done, my computer is pretty much dead and it’s almost three. I’ve forgotten that I didn’t eat breakfast until my stomach rolls violently. Reaching for my phone, I debate if it’s too weird to see what Jay’s doing for food. It’s never been uncommon for me to bring food to the aomg office. Now, after last night, it feels a little out of place. Am I being too clingy? Obviously. I’ve been craving just a glimpse of him since he left out this morning. He’s still my best friend regardless of the fact that my heart beats a little faster around him. I can take him lunch and not have it be weird. I’ve been doing it for the last three years. I type the message out and send it quickly before I can over-analyze my way out of it. *Y/N: you hungry yet?*I wait, flipping the phone over and over in my hand. It’s been so long since I’ve felt nervous because of a boy. Not only am I too old for this, but it’s also not in my character to let a guy put me in such an anxious state. And Jay isn’t just a guy. I know him better than I do anyone else. The angst, the uneasiness, it’s all unnecessary. My text alarm goes off. *Jay: what are you offering👀*I get ready to type out a reply but my phone rings instead. “Yes?” I sigh heavily into the phone. Jay laughs at me. “Don’t sound too excited,” he says. “I’m offering to buy you lunch, Jay,”“So it wasn’t a sexual favor offering? I must have read the text wrong,”“Do you want food or not?” I laugh unable to resist. He’s ridiculous, but I’m not surprised. Jay has always been the flirty type; even before I realized my own feelings. The way he talks to women has always been a part of his charm. I shouldn’t feel like this conversation is any different than the millions of others we’ve had just like it. Still, there’s something in his words that has me unsure of just how serious he’s being. “Can you bring it wearing that long trench coat and those red heels I got you for Christmas?” He asks. I roll my eyes up to the ceiling, secretly thinking if I could actually make it all the way to his office in nothing but a trench and five inch heels. *It’ll be tricky but I think...* “No, and never mind I’ll just get food for myself,”He laughs loudly. “Ok fine! I’ll take you just how you are with whatever you’re having,”“God, you’re so lucky I love you,” I say sighing and rolling my eyes again. I freeze holding my breath while I think of something that’ll make this less odd. I tell him I love him all the time. I have for the last fifteen years but...*shit*. “I can feel you freaking out from over here, y/n. Stop being so fucking weird,”“Shut up. I’m not being weird. I’ll see you in a little bit,”I hang up to the sound of him laughing on the other end. I stare at the phone scared that my awkwardness will just materialize out of the blank screen. He’s right. I am making this fucking weird. Afraid of when the shoe will drop, I’m doing what I always do. I over-think, I freak out, I become an awkward robot incapable of rationalizing any actual thought of emotion. Except this time it’s different. It’s Jay, and I’m ten times worse. “I’m such an idiot,” I say laughing as I hear Jay’s words in my head. *Stop being so fucking weird.*After changing my ratty sweats out for a pair of shorts and actually putting a bra on, I head out toward a sushi place between my apartment and Jay’s office. It’s about a five minute walk to the the restaurant and another ten from there to the office. “Damn it. I was hoping you changed your mind about the outfit,” He’s alone thank god. Behind me, producers and artists mill around like there’s nothing out of the ordinary happening on the other side of the glass. I set the bag of food on his desk why he shifts his computer over out of the way. I hand him his container of rolls and take my own before sitting in front of his desk. “You’ve been in town for less than forty-eight hours and I’m already tired of you,” I say digging into my food. “That’s not what you said last night,” he tells me around a mouthful of food. When I flip him off, he returns the gesture with a toothy rice-filled smile. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”“I’m actually leaving tonight,” he says. “Flight leaves at 11, then I should be in New York around noon Korean time tomorrow,” I stay quiet, chewing the rice and fish. I feel like I just got him back and he’s gone already. I clear my throat. “I have some of the Givenchy you wanted me to order for you,”He looks at me like he wants to say something about him leaving so soon. I cut him off before he can. “You can pick it up from the studio when you get finished here. I think Bora is going to be there late so you might catch her, but I’ll text her to make sure all of your stuff is sorted-”“Y/n,” I pick at my food to avoid looking up at him. He calls my name again and it’s so soft that I have no choice but to look at him. His tongue moves over his bottom lip. “How long are you leaving for?”“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “A few days, a week maybe more if everything takes longer. But I’m coming back, y/n. You know I always do,”I nod. “I get it. It’s your job. Nothing changes just because,” I trail off not needed to finish my sentence. “It changes if you want it to, y/n. I told you already, I’ve always been obsessed with you,” “Should we be talking about this right now?” I ask. “You really want to go another week not knowing where this is going to go?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at me. “This?”He rolls his eyes at me seeming a little tired of my behavior. I can’t help it. It feels a little like I’m losing my best friend or I’m losing the guy that I may or may not have been in love with since I was a kid (I’m still figuring that part out). “This as in the fact that we fucked on your kitchen counter last night and I told you this morning that I wasn’t done with you,”“With me or my body?” That’s really the golden question, isn’t it? It’s no secret that Jay is a very sexually driven person. I also know that he’s also not that emotionally present all the time. He never promised me anything, and I know what happens to girls that except him to give more of himself than he wants. “You can’t be serious, Y/n”“I know how you are, Jay. You’re infatuated with a woman for a week or you go through a spell where you’re so focused on work for months at a time before you even look up. I don’t want you to have to try to figure out where I fit into all of that,”He sighs. “You don’t fit into any of it, y/n. You’ve always been something separate from all of this,” he pauses, his lips poke out like he’s trying to phrase what he’ll say next just right. “I want you,” he tells me. “I want you and I think that I have for a really long time. I’m not trying to convince to do something you don’t want to. I’m just telling you how I feel,”“And how do you feel?”“I think I’m fucking in love with you if I’m honest,” he smiles, shaking his head at me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I quite literally have no words, because no matter how good it feels , we could still crash and burn tomorrow. With anyone else, I’d risk it. I’d fall into him so quickly. But once again, he’s him and I’m not willing to trade my best friend in for a half of a relationship just because it feels nice when he kisses me. I’m about to tell him all of that when he’s on his feet, rounding his desk. He sits in front of me, and grabs my hand. He pulls me so that I stand between his legs, my arm around his neck. “You told me to come back over here, Y/n. You’re the one who told me that this is where I’m meant to be. I was in love with you back then too I just didn’t know it,” he reaches up to cup my neck and draw me closer. His nose runs of my cheek. “Then you moved out here too, and you became everything I never knew I needed. I don’t think I was ready for you then. But right now, If you’ll have me I’m yours,”His lips touch mine softly barely a taste before he pulls away. I stretch trying to catch his mouth before he gets away but he’s too fast. “If you’ll have me?” I smile up at him. “You sound like you’re straight out of a Jane Austen book,”He laughs at me, shaking his head. “Shut up,”He pulls me in again, but this time he kisses me like I’m holding his last breath. His fingers on my neck flex as I press my chest tightly against his. His other hands finds my ass, squeezing at my flesh hard. “Tell me you’re mine for real y/n,” he says seriously. “You think you can give up Instagram models,” I ask. “The video girls, the dm’d booty calls,”His hand comes down hard on my ass to my surprise. I feel it straight to my core, and I press my pelvis against his tightly without really meaning to. “You’re so frustrating,” he tells me, groaning up at his ceiling. I finger the collar of his red Tommy Hilfiger shirt. “I’m thinking I fucking love you too,” I whisper against his neck. “But if you break my heart I’m telling your mama so fast, boy,”“I guess it’s good I don’t plan on it then,”“We’re doing this?”“We are,” he smiles at me. “And I have seven hours until I have to be on a plane,” We leave. After packing up our food, we breeze by everyone outside of the office, offering little more than hurried waves and smiles. He drives us to his apartment a short distance away and we hurry upstairs, anxious to get our hands on each other. When we make it to his flat, he has his mouth on me only seconds after we get in. He presses me against the door, his hands sliding up my shirt to lay flat on my skin.It’s too easy to get lost in kissing him. He takes all of my senses hostage and prevents me from thinking straight. It’s only when his lips move down to my collarbone to allow me to pull air into my lungs so I pull away. He looks up at me, his brows wrinkling in confusion. “What’s wrong?”“You should pack,”“I don’t want to pack,” he rolls his eyes at me and leans in again but I move my face out of the way. “If you don’t do it now, you won’t do it at all,”He leans his forehead against mine and sighs. “Give me a minute to stop thinking about you naked,”I slap his should and move around him and make my way to his bedroom. “Does it not feel weird saying shit like that?”He follows behind me, grabbing my hips as I go to his closet probably my favorite part of his place. There’s so much cool stuff to choose from that I could literally pick up anything and he’d look amazing. Well maybe except for the red acid washed jeans I hid deep in my own closet at home hoping they never see the light of day again. “Saying what? That I think about you naked?”I nod pulling down a few of the new Gucci t-shirts that I’d ordered for him. I hand them off to Jay who holds them up while I match them with jeans and joggers. “No, because I’ve always thought about you naked,”I shoot him a look before shaking my head. “So you’re saying, you’ve never once thought about me sexually?” He asks around a smirk like he already knows what my answer will be. “I don’t know. Probably not,” “You’re a bad fucking liar,”“Shut up,” I tell him as I hand over a stack of black jeans. “I’ve seen ninety-eight percent of your body already before last night and so has the rest of the world. Seeing you naked isn’t much of a feat,” I walk over to the stack of shoes on the opposite side of the wall. “Why are these still in the box,” I groan picking up the box of black Fenty pumas. I’d gotten them for him last year thinking he’d finally wear something aside from J’s. Obviously I’m mistaking. “They’re soft,” he says. I say nothing, rolling my eyes and moving on. I pull out his favorites, setting them aside to be packed. “See easy. All you need to do is get underwear and t-shirts,” “God, I miss how demanding you are,” he says leaning in to press his lips against mine before setting down all the clothes I’d set in his arms on the chair behind him. He reaches beside his tower of shoes, and pulls out his suitcase. We pack silently, folding carefully so that nothing gets too wrinkled. When he’s done, we roll the bag by the door. No less than a second, he pushes me against the door again. When I pull away, he groans loudly and reaches down to pinch my but.“Jay,”“What,” he sounds so angry at the delay that it’s almost comical. “Bed,” I whisper against his jawline. He smiles wide shaking his head at me. His hands come around my waist, lifting me so that I can wrap my legs around him. He pretends to almost drop me the whole way to his bedroom. “You can’t help but be annoying can you?” I ask. He laughs, throwing me into the center of his bed. “It’s kind of been my job since as long as I can remember. Now, take your clothes off,”I roll my eyes at his impatience but comply. I peel my T-shirt away from my body and over my head. My shorts follow. He pulls at his own clothes too. Climbing on his bed, he calls me to come closer. I inch up the bed, straddling his hips when I finally reach him his hands smooth up my thighs and up to cover my chest. It’s so intimate it feels like we’ve been doing this all along. I lean in to take his mouth. A hand curls around my neck holding me against him. When I pull back, we’re both breathless, lips swollen; and a little desperate. His fingers pull at my bra roughly, pulling it off my shoulders. I reach behind me to undo the clasps and drop it on the floor. My panties are a little more complicated but we manage them off and they join the rest of my clothes. Jay holds my waist while reaching over to his bedside table to grab a condom. I lift myself off of him so he can slide the latex into place. Once he’s good, his arms wrap around my body pulling my chest against his. He pushes my hair off of my shoulders so he can kiss my skin, his lips dragging to any open space he can get his mouth on. I reach down to line him up before sinking down on him. We both sigh out as if we’ve been waiting all day just for this moment. Jay guides my hips into the tempo that he wants. His mouth presses into the center of my chest while his hands move across my back. I move against him, holding onto his shoulders tightly. He pushes my neck back, his thumbs coming down on the hollow of my throat. It feels too good. He likes it anyway he can have it. And right now, it seems like my legs wrapped around his waist while I ride it might be his favorite so far. I can’t say that I disagree.I press my hands into his chest, pinning his flat against his mattress while I arch above him. My hair falls between us for a second before he reaches up to move it out of the way. “Come on, y/n,” his hands go to my ass, moving my hips the exact way he wants again. His fingers squeeze tightly, before one draws back and comes back hard on my skin. He smooths the sting with his palm before drawing back again. When his hand connects again it’s harder than before, but it feels too good to complain. I grind my hips harder against him, trying to get as close as I can. I reach back to grab his hand and snake it up to grab at one of my breasts. He squeezed my flesh, before bringing his mouth up to wrap around a nipple. His teeth pull softly at my skin while he looks up at me. “Jay,” I call his name like I’m desperate, like he’s the only thing in the world that can bring me relief right now. I’m pretty sure he his. My movements start to lose their rhythm as I start to tighten around him. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my chest against his. He holds me tight while I shake against him, unable to move. “You’re so sexy, baby,” he whispers in my ear, his hips moving against mine to get me to my release. I feel like I’m literally about to burst, like every single molecule of me is coming apart atom by atom. Somehow his slips a hand between us to touch me while his hips move.“Shit,” I curse feeling myself come around him. I’m blinded by how good he feels, but even while my mind and body try to find each other again, he flips me so that my back presses against the mattress. He hikes up a leg around his waist as he rocks into me harder. I focus on him. His head is thrown back, sweat falls down his body making the black ink on his skin seem to glisten in the light. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and closes his eyes. He’s so fucking beautiful. I take mental pictures of him like this, wild and unhinged for while he’s away. Reaching up, I run my hand through his wet hair. “Fuck,” he says through clenched teeth when I purposely squeeze him tighter. His eyes pop open as he stares down at me. The corner of his lips ticks up into a smirk as he shakes his head at me. “You going to killing me,” he forces out a laugh. His fingers curl into my thigh as he grunts and collapses on top of my body. Our chests move together rapidly, as we both struggle to pull air into our lungs. After a few minutes, he gets up to take care of the condom. When he comes back he wraps his arms around my body, pulling me into his chest as he rolls over. A hand rests on my ass, holding me against him. He looks up at the clock besides the bed. It’s almost eight -thirty and I know he really should be going. Neither of us make any moves to untangle. Instead, I press myself closer to him hoping to soak in what little time we have. I miss him terribly every time he leaves, but I know this time is going to wreck me a little bit. This time I know what he tastes like. This time I know how it feels to have him deep in my bones. It’s only a week, I remind myself. I think somewhere deep down, I’m preparing myself for the later trips; the album promos, concerts in different countries, and the late studio times. I have to make it through this week. I really have no choice because it only gets worse from here. “You’re over-thinking,” he whispers. I can practically hear the eye roll in his voice. I look up at him, pressing my lips against the compass on his neck. “Only happens when I think about you,”He laughs, pulling me up to balance on his chest on my arms. His hair falls flat on his forehead, and I brush it away; running my nails over his scalp. “It freaks me out when you say cute shit,” “I wasn’t trying to be cute,” I tell him. “You’ve been actually causing me a lot of mental anguish as of lately,”He smacks my butt. “I’m not sorry,” he says with a shrug. I lay my head back on his chest. “You should probably go,” I say. “Probably,”Still he doesn’t move apart from the hand that strokes lazy circles on my hip.We stay wrapped around each other and watch the clock until it hits nine-thirty. Silently he untangles himself out of my drowsy grip, replacing his body with the pillow he was laying on. He walks to the bathroom and a second later I hear the sound of his shower running. I would join him, but I know he’d be really late if I did. So, I stay where I am drifting closer to unconsciousness and back out, afraid I’ll miss when he leaves. At some point I eventually do fall asleep only to wake up to Jay kissing my cheek. “I’ll see you in a few days,” he says. I squint at him in the dark, he’s dressed in a pair of sweats and my favorite red Tommy shirt. “I was planning to steal this shirt,” I say reaching out to grab the hem of the it. “It looks better on me,” I yawn. Jay laughs pulling at my fingers. He laces our hands together, bringing our clasped hands to his lips. “I’m sure it does,” he whispers bending down to take lips this time. When he pulls back he adjust the sheets, making sure I’m covered. “Call me,” I tell him. “Always,” And he’s gone.
