#roxanne talks

I have chronic pain and fatigue, so most exercise is difficult for me to maintain. I can’t handle cardio at all, because it’s so painful. My doctor told me to try water therapy, but going to the pool makes me SEVERELY dysphoric.

The most I can manage right now is about 5 minutes a day (walking outside so that I can get some sunlight in too).

Any other Spoonies have recommendations for exercise ideas, and how to stick with it?

After over a year of writer’s block (the depression and chronic pain definitely NOT helping), I finally managing to write something again! 500+ words even! 😭

(Not sure if this was meant for the me or if it was for one of my characters, so I’ll answer with both. 😂)

* * *

Noa’s eyes glazed over, slowly running her tongue along her lips. Her mind was far away, memories flashing through her mind like snapshots from a cracked camera lens.

Warm. Sticky. The taste of iron. The sound of screams. Thump. Thump. The beat goes on - music in her ears. Green eyes. Full eyes. Choking, gurgling. Snipping again. Stabbing deep, carving open. How beautiful…

She suddenly snaps back to reality, wiping away that hint of drool that had started to trickle down. Trembling with excitement, Noa cautiously reaches out. At first, she merely traces her fingers against the seared palm in utter fascination. Then slowly, ever so slowly, she picks it up and brings it close to her lips. She breathes in its smoky scent, eyelids fluttering as her heart begins to race.

The first bite is absolutely heavenly.

* * *

As for me… personally, I’d be very confused! 😂

Whose arm is this? 🤔

Who is the obvious murderer that sent it? 🤭

Do I have a very lovely Yandere, eliminating potential rivals? 😍

I’ve been dealing with these migraines for almost 5 years now. I’ve gone through MULTIPLE specialists, trying to find a solution to the pain. And every time, EVERY GODDAMN TIME, our meetings eventually go down this exact same route:

~

Doctor: “Are you still having the migraines every day?”

Me: “What? No! I’m having HEADACHES every day. The daily migraines went away once I started getting my nerve ablations every 6 months. Now they’re only consistent, but I have daily HEADACHES. I’m still always in pain, but that’s not the same thing!”

Doctor: “Ohhhh. What would you say the difference is between your headaches and your migraines? I think there’s been some confusion - I have everything marked down as a migraine.”

Me: “Every time I come in, you ask me how my head’s doing. And I always tell you the same thing: the migraines aren’t gone, they’re just less frequent cuz of the treatments. But my head is ALWAYS hurting! I always have some kind of headache.”

Doctor: “…Huh.”

Me: “I thought that’s what we’ve been working on for the past (3-5) months!!!”

Doctor: “Oh no, we’ve been giving you preventative treatments. I thought you were still having them every day! No wonder this hasn’t been helping.”

Me: “So… are we finally going to do something about those headaches that I’ve mentioned literally EVERY time I come in???”

Doctor: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~

I’ve had THREE different doctors get confused in the exact same way. I’ll make an appointment with somebody who claims to SPECIALIZE in that area, but then they still don’t know what the difference is between a “headache” and a “migraine”!

I’m so tired of this shit… I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do here??? Is this a common issue for other Spoonies or something? Am I just ridiculously unlucky when it comes to picking out doctors???

I am an F CUP!!!

(Or DDD.)

Even with as tight of a binder as I can handle, it’s still not enough. I still end up having like… a A or B cup.

If I have to go out in public for long periods of time, I STILL need to wear my hoodie along with my binder. (Even though it’s SUMMER in PHOENIX!!!) Baggy shirts don’t even work for me.

“Oh, I haven’t heard you talk about your migraines in a while! Are you doing better then?” 🤔 🤔 🤔

And I’m just like thinking...

“I stopped complaining about them, because I’m constantly in pain. If I were to mention it every time I had a bad flare, it would get annoying really fast. And I’m not missing as much work nowadays, because we work from home now. And my anxiety disorder is severe enough that I get nauseous and dizzy whenever I think I’ve let someone down. So if I miss a day, I’m going to spend the whole day throwing up and thinking about how everyone must hate me, just because I missed ONE shift.”

🤕🤢😬

...But what I ACTUALLY said was:

Does anybody else who gets migraines (either frequent or chronic) have a problem with red light?

I was playing FNAF VR the other day, and the blacklight modes triggered a migraine…