#rooshrambled

One of the first things that stood out to me while reading ep 375 was how similar it felt to ep 283:

There is only one bed

Sera tells John he can share said bed with her

John declines since he doesn't want to hit Sera because of his nightmares

John asks Sera how/why she's bothering with all this needless stress

Sera reassures John and mentions that she focuses on what's in front of her to avoid being stressed out

Compared to ep 283, ep 375 is a lot more romantically charged, which is quite pleasant for everyone who has been eating Jera crumbs for the last 10 years or so (don't get me started I could yap even longer about the ship itself /pos). But I'd also think about what Jera's midnight conversation has to say about their respective characters, especially with ep 283 in mind as well.

Let's start off with John:

John's always been worried about Sera's well-being over his own, even to the point where he would willingly bottle up his issues instead of bothering her. It's only natural that in a situation where they're either hiding or on the run, John would ask her how she's managing to not freak out or why she's still even bothering with it all when she has the choice to leave. But I dare say that while John genuinely does mean to ask Sera these questions, he's actually also seeking reassurance from her.

Sera is almost always poised and confident, while John is almost always angry and snarky regarding the circumstances they keep finding themselves in. But when things slow down a bit and he's able to think, John's insecurities start bubbling up to the surface.

In ep 283, he asks her why she isn't freaked out by the fact that Spectre's after them since they nearly got assassinated a few chapters ago back in ep 273. We don't get John's thoughts on what he could possibly be worried about but I think he was worried about his and (mostly) Sera's safety while hiding from Spectre:

Without an ability to defend themselves with, they're sitting ducks so they have to hide, and it's an unpleasant experience to be cooped up for days on end. But talking to Sera about how she's handling the situation they're in makes him feel better, so he thanks her for the reassurance. Despite the circumstances, he's happy to just be able to share her struggles so she doesn't have to be alone to shoulder the burdens of being stuck to Spectre anymore.

If Sera isn't stressing then there's no reason for John to be freaking out either; he finds comfort in the fact that she's able to face everything head-on even when she has no choice but to. The only person who really needs comforting is himself... Sera is fine after all (or at least is quite good at hiding her anxieties and woes)! But it's also because Sera is so brilliant, strong, and independent that John starts feeling insecure again later on in ep 375.

While Sera snoozes, John thinks back to how she figured out that Neil's been stringing them along with information and in typical John fashion, shits on himself for it:

"If it were just me on my own..." is where I assume he started thinking about the idea of being out here alone without Sera by his side. After all, she had already been separated from him for a few weeks after she had to leave school and then Wellston entirely. During that time she was able to regain her ability and get blacklisted even harder by the Bureau. There's nothing tying her down to Wellston, Spectre, the Bureau, or John anymore, so why does Sera still bother to deal with every mess coming her way?

Or as John not-so-subtly puts it, 'Why are you still here... with me?'

With his self-esteem still in tatters after all this time (can't blame him though), John can't understand why she's still putting up with him and his problems because Sera could go anywhere and start a new life, away from the Bureau, Spectre, her family... John. With her wits and power, she could just show up anywhere and make a life for herself where no one knows her, just like how Vaughn had after he disappeared for years and came back to participate in the education system. It's a valid fear that John has, maybe even subconsciously fueled by his misapprehensions of his mother's disappearance 15 years prior (leaving because her family wasn't good enough for them).

After all, Sera doesn't have to break Blyke out of jail, unravel the secrets the Bureau and Spectre hide, find Jane, or even be with John. And yet she remains because she wants to do all these things and change the world for the better, all while being together with John. No longer is she the Seraphina who cast all her responsibilities away and took her authority for granted. Thanks to John's influence in her life, she was able to change for the better even after all the horrible things she experienced while being a high tier and a zero.

You'd imagine that John should know that Sera loves him with all her heart -- enough to sacrifice everything for him over and over again -- so why would he have to seek reassurance from her in such a roundabout way?

Ultimately, John still is prioritizing Sera over himself. He doesn't ask her outright "how am I supposed to handle this crazy Spectre shit?" or "why do you bother still being here with me?" because he doesn't want to make their situation solely about him. I'm not even sure if he realizes that he's seeking her reassurance since caring about her is simply second nature to him.

There's nothing wrong with John seeking reassurance from Sera either since that's something he's always found comfort in: the idea that she's always going to be around to either stop him from another rampage or (in these cases) quell the gnawing voices in his head that make him feel worse about himself. Sera said as much back in ep 230:

Of course, Sera does comfort John by telling him that she's exactly where she wants to be and that as long as she's focused on what's in front of her, the consequences of her dangerous games don't really bother her. Unlike in ep 283, Sera in 375 is looking directly at John as she says "not if I just focus on what's right in front of me."

'I'm here because I want to be. That's just how much you mean to me.'

Sera unsubtly declares that she wants to be with John and that he is actually one of her top priorities. After all, the thing who just so happens to be "right in front" of her gaze that "keeps [her] going" is John. He's always been one of her top priorities from the start of the series. She's outsmarted lie detectors (Nadia), threatened Arlo over John's safety (even though she didn't have the full story lol), chose to work with Leilah to regain her ability to save John from himself, and so much more... all because she loves him fiercely. And John, who is eternally grateful to Sera for everything she's done for him, pays her back in kind:

Instead of repeating that he's glad that she's here with him even after everything, he simply holds her left hand and gently kisses it, reinforcing his devotion to her that he's always had. A kiss on the hand is a chivalric and romantic gesture, and it does encapsulate how he feels about her: he'd do anything for her.

Neither of them have to say anything because they're quite aware of how they feel for each other. They'd easily sacrifice everything for one another... that's just how Jera has been for a long time now.

John can't stop her from playing dangerous games and living life on the edge, so he might as well go all-in and stay as one of her main pillars of support. After all, Sera finds comfort in John's presence just as much as he finds comfort in hers. John is just more direct when it comes to how often he expresses his affections for Sera; and though he's more subtle when it comes to asking her for reassurance, John's love for Sera is unmistakable either way.

(Anyway I'll make a separate post eventually talking about how far Sera has come as a character because ep 375 was just as important for her specifically imo!!! Outside of the context that this episode was stuffed with Jera lol 10/10 chapter)

BUT before I talk about anxious Arlo, let's look at how he used to act before ep 363 happened, where he was told that he was a traitor to the Bureau (but post-memory loss):

Arlo doesn't know it yet, but this is how he is without the influence of Rei, Jera, and Blysenmi. He's no longer sleep deprived from all the stress of worrying about keeping his friends safe, he's confident, and he's parroting the same thing every Bureau officer says about Vaughn (Kass also used to think the same before she learned about EMBER's secrets). This is the closest we will ever get to early Arlo, who's been conditioned to believe everything the Bureau says and doesn't think twice about other potential contributing factors to a problem at hand. Ex. early Arlo assuming that Unordinary is why Sera chose to befriend John because any other reason (her desire to be free) is unfathomable to him:

There's always something or someone to blame instead of trying to find the underlying issue that's causing all these children and young adults to act up, after all.

If it's one thing Val and Farrah are right about Arlo post-memory loss, it's that he's very trusting of the authorities and believes that everything they do is just. So when episode 363 comes around, Farrah and Val decide to tell Arlo that they erased his memories of "the Wellston criminals" because they know for a fact that he will choose the Bureau since his faith in the Bureau has never wavered before he started going to Wellston. It seems like Farrah decided to do this because Arlo poked around too much on his own (with the help of his friends) and his inquisitive nature led him astray. If they tell Arlo that they did that to him instead of him finding out on his own, Arlo will believe that the Bureau greatly values, trusts, and wouldn't throw him to the dogs unless HE does something and fucks up big time again. It's Arlo's decision to stay in line, and they're pretending like he has any semblance of agency in this situation.

As the readers, we know that Arlo isn't making a fully informed decision because his memories would easily reveal that they're treating him like another tool and a potential asset to EMBER, which goes against everything Arlo truly believes in: a fair world where people don't have to be killed for selflessly helping others. But to Arlo, he's under the delusion that the Bureau has graciously granted him another chance to redeem himself despite how he's turned their backs on them for a reason he can't even figure out himself. Farrah and Val being open about his memory loss brings about a false sense of trust that they have in Arlo. They "trust" him to make the right decision even though he basically has no other choice or else he would've been killed or imprisoned like Blyke had been. The result?

The beginning of Arlo's new mental decline into sleep deprivation and copious amounts of stress, of course!!! Arlo now knows that he's a criminal but the Bureau has kept him around anyway, and he knows that Farrah and Val are fully expecting him to do everything in his power to pay the Bureau back for giving him back "a future." He's determined to keep his crimes a secret from everyone, including Kass, because he thinks he's going to be torn apart by his peers for being a treasonous snake. So not only does he want to overwork himself to prove himself, but he's going to bottle up all of his insecurities until they eventually explode in his face.

Episode 380 shows us that Arlo really hasn't been any better since ep 363. On top of all the stress he's feeling about potentially facing Orrin and making up for what he's done, seeing Tarik permanently partially disabled dumps another burden onto his guilty conscience that's been weighing on him since ep 363. Even though he had no control over what Kuyo, Blysenmi, and Jera did to Tarik (as we see Keon imply in 363 [that it wasn't Keon's fault for Blyke getting broken out]), Arlo fully blames himself for Tarik's injury and is visibly shaking with regret.

If there's another thing we know about Arlo, it's that he cares a lot about other people, even if the way he shows his concern isn't as normal as you'd see from people like Kass (always looking out for Arlo) or Isen (trying his best to look out for Blyke and Remi as best a coward could). He doesn't even know Tarik, but he feels responsible for ruining his potential as a high-tier. He's stuck thinking about the "what if's" instead of what he can do moving forward to make up for it, which is exactly what Val expects of him. She wants him to be less sympathetic towards others (how else is he going to kill people as an EMBER agent?) and more focused on getting shit done in the most efficient way possible:

Sympathy is not something you'd expect from someone as powerful as Arlo, and sympathy isn't what allowed Val to climb the ranks so high in the Bureau. Val will never truly understand her nephew because he simply isn't emotionally built for the path she (and his parents) laid out for him. She can only tell him to focus, prove himself, and not to pull any punches because that's probably all she ever knew her whole life. And now there's even more meaning behind this mentality for Arlo, who has to work hard to prove himself after his "blunder" assisting terrorists and outlaws.

So why do I think Arlo is doomed?? Case in point: Early Sera.

Arlo's always been under intense pressure and the need to succeed as he grew up, but there is always a limit to how much one can handle before the pressure becomes too much and he shatters under it all. Pre-John Sera did everything to please everyone and she got nothing in return except for a bunch of repressed rage at herself and the world. High tiers are always saddled with a bunch of responsibilities growing up as Kings/Queens that the stronger they are, the less freedom they have due to the copious responsibilities society has placed on them as natural leaders.

The difference between Arlo and Sera is that Arlo felt a stronger sense of duty to the hierarchy and the Bureau, while Sera had no loyalty to the Bureau and only catered to the whims of her abusive parents and her sneering peers. Sera was the first to break because there was no "greater good" she was doing anything for. Arlo was able to hang on longer because he genuinely thought he was helping the world by forcing everyone into the hierarchy, but even he was growing bitter about how he had to do all of it alone. His resentment ended up festering to the point where he went after both Sera and John to teach them both a lesson about disobeying the hierarchy, and we all know what ended up happening instead lmao... much needed character development for Arlo to bring him back down to Earth and mellow him out more.

I believe that our current Arlo is being set up to boil over... albeit from a wave of overwhelming guilt. He's genuinely so anxious about this upcoming Spectre raid that he's staying in the office late pouring over intel in an attempt to make sure things are going to go well because he remembers how afraid he was the last time he and Kass scouted out one of Spectre's bases.

If Arlo actually knew better, he would've been home resting since they have to fly out so early in the morning the following day, but he's not able to think rationally cuz he's paranoid about what could go wrong. He knows that he's being brought along to counter Orrin despite his lack of field experience, so he's worried about things like not being able to move around or concentrate if Orrin tries to command anyone on Arlo's side. He finds comfort in Kass' reassurance because he always tends to trust authority figures, especially Kass since she's so reliable and a positive influence to be around (like his big sister... ueuueeee).

While Kass does notice that Arlo's been working so much, she can't even figure out why he's trying so hard. She obviously knows that his memories have been compromised since he returned back in episodes 351-352 (he tells her he took time off work to figure out his schooling, but she remembers the real reason was because he had lost faith in the authorities). At the end of episode 368, Elaine assumed that Arlo was being blackmailed even though she had no idea what was going on with him either (no idea of his memory loss at all). Arlo's acting up in ways that are definitely unlike him, and the people who do know him have already caught on that he's not... okay!!!

What I predict will happen is that Arlo will be so obsessed with proving himself and making amends that he's going to fuck up eventually. Whether it be from not focusing on the right mission or from an oversight that costs him, Arlo is bound to fuck up from all this pressure weighing on him. The confident Arlo we saw at the start of unOrdinary is never coming back because he's too guilt-ridden to have any confidence in himself or his abilities anymore. If anything, the current Arlo most resembles the Arlo we saw toward the end of season 1 and the start of season 2: someone who feels bad for getting everyone into a mess he started and is wracking his brain to try to figure out how he can fix everything all by himself.

In the replies under my superlike comment in 380, I predicted that Arlo would be torn between his desire to make amends and exceed the expectations everyone's placed on him. If he saw Jera, would he naturally want to go after them? Could he have John, Sera, and Orrin captured to make up for what he "did" to Tarik and go beyond what Val expected of him? What if the nausea and headaches Val keeps asking Arlo about hit him all at once when he sees Jera and it costs the Bureau the whole mission? Jera showing up could potentially push for Arlo's doom even harder, but I doubt Sera or John would let him get captured or even killed if they had the opportunity to intervene. Arlo has a bad habit of doing what he thinks is the right choice in any given situation, so who knows what he's going to do once shit hits the fan? We shall see in these next few weeks lol.

I guess it's also time to address the other elephant in the room though: we now have confirmation that Arlo doesn't remember Rei at all.

Arlo doesn't even know he's trying so hard for a government that betrayed him first by killing Rei, and now they've even killed the version of his mentor/older brother that Arlo had kept close in his heart.

Frankly, I wasn't surprised at all when Arlo said 'erm... who's Rei?' because Rei is unfortunately labeled as a "criminal" by the Bureau, so he is part of the group of people erased from Arlo's mind. Arlo's inquisitive nature aside, Rei's death is single-handedly what drives Arlo forward in his attempt to seek the truth alongside Remi and friends. Even though it took Arlo two whole seasons to finally accept that his aunt was a murderer and EMBER was the Bureau this whole time, Rei undoubtedly had blessed Arlo with the sympathy he needed to finally take a stance and accept the consequences of fighting for his friends.

For his whole life, Arlo was groomed into thinking that power (and the Bureau) was everything that life had to offer, but Rei showed him that you could be strong AND kind to everyone. Even though Arlo never liked the way Rei ruled and had to clean up Wellston all on his own after Rei graduated, Arlo NEVER tolerated any slander against Rei and never resented Rei for being full of love and always butting into other people's business.

(In ep 109, Arlo said he "let" Cecile speaking ill of Rei and Remi "slide" back in ep 65 but Arlo literally insulted and threatened Cecile immediately after she insulted Rei lol.... he didn't let that slide at all)

Arlo undoubtedly platonically loved Rei so much and unconsciously picked up traits Rei probably had too: the urge to protect other people (especially those weaker than him) and the nosiness of finding things out on his own. It's a lot harder to tell with Arlo since he does start the series off as an asshole, but a lot of the things he did back at the start of unOrdinary was fueled by his misguided way of "trying to help" by controlling people into living peacefully. A very Bureau-esque way, yes, but if he didn't care about anyone then he would've just did whatever he wanted just as Sera did when she discarded all her responsibilities or John when he beat up anyone who even looked at him funny.

Besides the fact that Remi is Rei's sister, Arlo tries his hardest to get Remi, Blyke, and Isen away from danger because he cares about them. They're "his people" so he feels responsible to protect them, and he was willing to tolerate the distance Remi put between them after he started working for the Bureau if it would keep her and her best friends safe. Arlo is literally warned by Kass to keep the info he sees at work to himself or else it would ruin people's hard work, and he immediately does just that to make sure all of his friends will be safe from the Bureau. Even before fully betraying the Bureau, Arlo was already committing crimes by leaking top secret info to his friends without any regard for his own future, as we see when he warns Sera to leave Wellston so she doesn't end up dead like Terrence (refer to ep 297).

All of this wouldn't have been possible without Rei's positive influence in Arlo's life. Maybe Arlo was always naturally a person who cared so much about other people, but it would've been stomped out by Val and the Bureau if no one intervened as Arlo grew up. Rei being who he was managed to change Arlo's perception of what a "good person" was. To Arlo, someone as loving and charismatic as Rei didn't deserve to die because he was only doing what he had always been doing: helping the less fortunate. To the Bureau though, Rei was someone who had to die to send a message to other vigilantes that out-of-control high tiers like him didn't belong in their society.

Rei had to be cut out of Arlo's mind because the Bureau wants more pawns to use to enforce their hierarchical society where only a select few get to rule everyone. No one, not even the strongest high tiers, can truly be free in this world because everyone is placed under the Bureau's control as their permanent servants. Rei's influence on Arlo was too much of a detriment to what Val and Farrah have in store for Arlo: killing people as a part of EMBER and being a loyal dog to the authorities. Arlo's betrayal to the Bureau was rooted in his deep respect for Rei, and he never would've wanted to keep working for the people who removed his mentor from his life and his mind.

So... what's even left of Arlo?

A shitload of guilt, the desire to impress the people around him, and an idea that what he thinks is the right decision would be the best for the others around him (without their consideration of course).

A lot of people in the Webtoon comments (yeah, shocker) complained that Arlo regressed as a character after he lost his memories, but I argue that his character is going down a different path that is just as interesting. While he isn't the same Arlo most of us have grown to love, he's still Arlo at the end of the day. How he acts is still in character!!! He's still trying to act rationally as best as he can but the stress is genuinely getting to him, and we all remember how poorly Arlo reacts to continuous stress <3 (refer to the episodes leading up to the joker arc).

Ultimately, Arlo is only a child with barely any field experience, and he spent most of his high school life at the top without being challenged for his title until John came along, who he doesn't even remember as an ally now. Now, he's working himself to the bone and doesn't know when to stop because he's going to be stuck thinking that nothing he does will ever be enough to atone for his mistakes. And if he ever gets his memories back, I doubt he would ever even want to be near the Bureau ever again for stripping away his autonomy and turning him against his loved ones.