#jera

One of the first things that stood out to me while reading ep 375 was how similar it felt to ep 283:

There is only one bed

Sera tells John he can share said bed with her

John declines since he doesn't want to hit Sera because of his nightmares

John asks Sera how/why she's bothering with all this needless stress

Sera reassures John and mentions that she focuses on what's in front of her to avoid being stressed out

Compared to ep 283, ep 375 is a lot more romantically charged, which is quite pleasant for everyone who has been eating Jera crumbs for the last 10 years or so (don't get me started I could yap even longer about the ship itself /pos). But I'd also think about what Jera's midnight conversation has to say about their respective characters, especially with ep 283 in mind as well.

Let's start off with John:

John's always been worried about Sera's well-being over his own, even to the point where he would willingly bottle up his issues instead of bothering her. It's only natural that in a situation where they're either hiding or on the run, John would ask her how she's managing to not freak out or why she's still even bothering with it all when she has the choice to leave. But I dare say that while John genuinely does mean to ask Sera these questions, he's actually also seeking reassurance from her.

Sera is almost always poised and confident, while John is almost always angry and snarky regarding the circumstances they keep finding themselves in. But when things slow down a bit and he's able to think, John's insecurities start bubbling up to the surface.

In ep 283, he asks her why she isn't freaked out by the fact that Spectre's after them since they nearly got assassinated a few chapters ago back in ep 273. We don't get John's thoughts on what he could possibly be worried about but I think he was worried about his and (mostly) Sera's safety while hiding from Spectre:

Without an ability to defend themselves with, they're sitting ducks so they have to hide, and it's an unpleasant experience to be cooped up for days on end. But talking to Sera about how she's handling the situation they're in makes him feel better, so he thanks her for the reassurance. Despite the circumstances, he's happy to just be able to share her struggles so she doesn't have to be alone to shoulder the burdens of being stuck to Spectre anymore.

If Sera isn't stressing then there's no reason for John to be freaking out either; he finds comfort in the fact that she's able to face everything head-on even when she has no choice but to. The only person who really needs comforting is himself... Sera is fine after all (or at least is quite good at hiding her anxieties and woes)! But it's also because Sera is so brilliant, strong, and independent that John starts feeling insecure again later on in ep 375.

While Sera snoozes, John thinks back to how she figured out that Neil's been stringing them along with information and in typical John fashion, shits on himself for it:

"If it were just me on my own..." is where I assume he started thinking about the idea of being out here alone without Sera by his side. After all, she had already been separated from him for a few weeks after she had to leave school and then Wellston entirely. During that time she was able to regain her ability and get blacklisted even harder by the Bureau. There's nothing tying her down to Wellston, Spectre, the Bureau, or John anymore, so why does Sera still bother to deal with every mess coming her way?

Or as John not-so-subtly puts it, 'Why are you still here... with me?'

With his self-esteem still in tatters after all this time (can't blame him though), John can't understand why she's still putting up with him and his problems because Sera could go anywhere and start a new life, away from the Bureau, Spectre, her family... John. With her wits and power, she could just show up anywhere and make a life for herself where no one knows her, just like how Vaughn had after he disappeared for years and came back to participate in the education system. It's a valid fear that John has, maybe even subconsciously fueled by his misapprehensions of his mother's disappearance 15 years prior (leaving because her family wasn't good enough for them).

After all, Sera doesn't have to break Blyke out of jail, unravel the secrets the Bureau and Spectre hide, find Jane, or even be with John. And yet she remains because she wants to do all these things and change the world for the better, all while being together with John. No longer is she the Seraphina who cast all her responsibilities away and took her authority for granted. Thanks to John's influence in her life, she was able to change for the better even after all the horrible things she experienced while being a high tier and a zero.

You'd imagine that John should know that Sera loves him with all her heart -- enough to sacrifice everything for him over and over again -- so why would he have to seek reassurance from her in such a roundabout way?

Ultimately, John still is prioritizing Sera over himself. He doesn't ask her outright "how am I supposed to handle this crazy Spectre shit?" or "why do you bother still being here with me?" because he doesn't want to make their situation solely about him. I'm not even sure if he realizes that he's seeking her reassurance since caring about her is simply second nature to him.

There's nothing wrong with John seeking reassurance from Sera either since that's something he's always found comfort in: the idea that she's always going to be around to either stop him from another rampage or (in these cases) quell the gnawing voices in his head that make him feel worse about himself. Sera said as much back in ep 230:

Of course, Sera does comfort John by telling him that she's exactly where she wants to be and that as long as she's focused on what's in front of her, the consequences of her dangerous games don't really bother her. Unlike in ep 283, Sera in 375 is looking directly at John as she says "not if I just focus on what's right in front of me."

'I'm here because I want to be. That's just how much you mean to me.'

Sera unsubtly declares that she wants to be with John and that he is actually one of her top priorities. After all, the thing who just so happens to be "right in front" of her gaze that "keeps [her] going" is John. He's always been one of her top priorities from the start of the series. She's outsmarted lie detectors (Nadia), threatened Arlo over John's safety (even though she didn't have the full story lol), chose to work with Leilah to regain her ability to save John from himself, and so much more... all because she loves him fiercely. And John, who is eternally grateful to Sera for everything she's done for him, pays her back in kind:

Instead of repeating that he's glad that she's here with him even after everything, he simply holds her left hand and gently kisses it, reinforcing his devotion to her that he's always had. A kiss on the hand is a chivalric and romantic gesture, and it does encapsulate how he feels about her: he'd do anything for her.

Neither of them have to say anything because they're quite aware of how they feel for each other. They'd easily sacrifice everything for one another... that's just how Jera has been for a long time now.

John can't stop her from playing dangerous games and living life on the edge, so he might as well go all-in and stay as one of her main pillars of support. After all, Sera finds comfort in John's presence just as much as he finds comfort in hers. John is just more direct when it comes to how often he expresses his affections for Sera; and though he's more subtle when it comes to asking her for reassurance, John's love for Sera is unmistakable either way.

(Anyway I'll make a separate post eventually talking about how far Sera has come as a character because ep 375 was just as important for her specifically imo!!! Outside of the context that this episode was stuffed with Jera lol 10/10 chapter)