#robn

“Hi, I’m Bruce Wayne, and I’ll be answering the internet’s most asked questions about me.”

The interview had been one Bruce was avoiding for a while, knowing that once he did it that his sons would be asked to participate in the same thing. There were two sons that he had no worries about and confidence that they would answer everything calmly and with the right phrasing. Jason and Damian on the other hand, he had hesitation.

Jason, he feared, would say whatever came to his mind, and even though the viewers of the interview might find that amusing and up to a classic Jason charm, Bruce still had valid reasons for concern. Damian, he was worried, would walk off the set halfway after insulting several people in high power, and multiple companies. 

However after weeks of putting this off, he couldn’t anymore. People from the company, a media team, and his sons were telling him that this was something that needed to happen. So here Bruce Wayne is sitting naturally and with charm in front of cameras, lights, and a crew–most of which were women fawning over him.

“So why don’t we get started with a few questions. First is, what is Bruce Wayne’s birthday? Oh, thank goodness that’s an easy one, February 19. Next, what is Bruce Wayne’s net worth?” Bruce smirked in a classic way and looked towards a camera on the side, “A lot.” The crew laughed at this, and Bruce took it as permission to move on to another question.

“Alright, what is Bruce Wayne’s middle name?” he smiled softly and his sons did too, “My middle name is Thomas, after my father. My youngest son Damian’s middle name is also Thomas, keeping that going. Finally: what is Bruce Wayne’s favorite food? That’s easy, anything Alfred makes. If I had to choose something specific it would be Mulligatawny Soup.”

He smiled and tossed the board in his hand across the room, leaning back in the chair, “Next.” They cut the scene and handed him a new board before resuming the camera, “Moving onto How is Bruce Wayne–how is Bruce Wayne a playboy?” A flirty smirk pulled up on his face, “Well, look at me. The ladies can’t stay away, I have four sons to prove it.” The camera panned to Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian, the older three with confused faces.

Dick looked to the camera then back at Bruce, “Three of us are adopted–” Bruce shushed him, “I remember the day I saw you in the hospital room,” He said, with imaginary nostalgia. Jason rolled his eyes, “I’m too good looking to come from you, example, Demon Brat.” The camera quickly panned back to Bruce in time to miss Damian hitting Jason.

“Alright, moving on–How is Bruce Wayne so strong? Well because I work out, eat right, and I’m just naturally hot as fuck.” He ended, hoping that they would censor out the ending. “How is Bruce Wayne so rich? Well because I worked my ass off to get my company to where it is now, and because of that, I’m rich enough to own half of Gotham. I know that, because I do.” He pulled off another piece of paper on the board.

“How many kids does Bruce Wayne have? Well, I have four sons. Dick is the oldest, then Jason, Tim and Damian. They keep me on my toes and I would definitely say I have a favorite, but I won’t say who it is.” He joked. The camera panned over to the boys and they all pointed at Dick. Tossing the board aside, Bruce was handed the third one and he turned it to the camera.

“Moving on to, Does Bruce Wayne. So, does Bruce Wayne have a girlfriend? The very beautiful Selina Kyle. We reconnected a few weeks ago, and we have been together since. Does Bruce Wayne own the Daily Planet?” Bruce looked to the side like he was thinking, “I’ll have to check with the company if the deal closed on that. I've been looking for a while, a friend works there and it’d be fun to sign his paychecks.”

“Does Bruce Wayne have pets?” He nodded, “I have a dog Ace, and my son Damian has the rest of the animal collection. His dog Titus, gifted by his girlfriend, a cow, Alfred the cat, he tried bringing a tiger home, but that wasn’t going to work out.” Bruce tore off another paper, “Does Bruce Wayne take his sons drinking?” Bruce tilted his head back and forth, “I’ve taken my older two out for their 21st birthdays. Tim turns 21 in a few weeks but he’d prefer to celebrate differently than Dick and Jason which is perfectly fine. The last time I went out drinking with those two, one ended up in a fountain, and the other passed out in Wayne Manor’s garden.”

Bruce was truly the only one in Gotham who could at his current age party the way he did since he was in his teenage years. “Alright, our final category, Who is Bruce Wayne’s best friend? I have a few. Alfred has been my closest and most loyal friend since I was young. Another friend would be Clark Kent or Diana Prince.”

“Who is Bruce Wayne’s favorite son?” Bruce sighed and looked over at the four, “Dick. Anyway,” He turned back to the board in his hands, “And finally, who are Bruce Wayne’s parents?” He smiled and set the board down, “Thomas and Martha Wayne, incredible and loving people. I miss them dearly but know they’re always with me in heart.”