#rkttc2

“i’m surprised you have anything resembling books in here.” 

okay, this time he has to say “ma” which only gets him a mocking echo of his tone and a shake of her shoulders. but he does feel the need to look into what she’s talking about and he finds remnants from the years, half-used notepads and scraps of paper tossed into a corner of the studio for ‘sorting when he had the time’ which translated to ‘never gonna happen.’ 

finding the original napkin he started writing statue on is surreal when he’s finally finished it by now, finally sang it for mijoo months ago even if it was only a recording. his mom snatches it from his hand and he groans as she reads it off, the words of the initial draft too embarrassing for him to handle. covering his ears with his hands, he yells over her, a childish la la la la la can’t hear you loud enough to echo throughout the whole warehouse if not for the immaculate design of the built-in room. pays off having an architect father, really does. 

it’s only later than he goes through the rest of the scraps, having gathered them into a box. his mother is off meeting up with some old friends because she’s quote ‘gotten tired of seeing her least favorite idol son [ to which he reminds her that he is the only one and an ex-idol, which aha is what she wanted him to say judging by the smug, amused look on her face— gee, thanks ma, no holding back there ] unquote, so he’s free to look at them all. 

that’s when a few texts come in and he’s distracted for better or worse. 

< ✉ : adonis johnson  >

» hey hey have you heard about the trc triple threat competition » i’m not saying you should join but » pretty sure you can sing, dance, and rap 🙌

it’s a lofty suggestion considering his situation, is he even allowed to do that kind of shit? he didn’t think to ask sphere when he left and the companies are under the same umbrella company. would they bother with him?  who cares about a washed-up idol that got kicked out within months of debut? 

but he can’t say that to chanyeol, least of all him when he’s sunshine and rainbows in a giant human form. it’d be nice to debut together, their entire friend dream had this same kind of lofty dream too. now yien and yixing are in convex without him, chanyeol is in trc, bobby is off doing his own thing, and rome can’t make up his mind from left and right. trying to come off as a triple threat? yeah, sure he was definitely a threat to convex with his scandal. 

'course he knows better than to think it’ll end there and he hears all about it from dabin too. the difference being, dabin is going to do it. “you can decide if you’re waiting in line with me or watching me from the crowd.” he almost punches dabin’s arm for deliberately saying it in a way that’ll remind him of what baek jiyoung said to him before. is he willing to be a face in the crowd again? is that really his destiny? does he give up here or not? 

truth is, he’s made his choice before coming back from australia. because he could’ve stayed, could’ve gone on that trip with chris, could’ve gone back to uni. he left behind a list of could’a, should’a, wouldn’t, and it’s about more than coming back to seoul for mijoo. it was about him loving dance and whether he follows through on opening his own dance studio, working in someone else’s, or helping the guys produce and edit videos, this can’t be it for him. 

“i don’t have a song to use, man. i’ve got nothing.” 

“you’ve got me,” the cheeky grin chanyeol gives him makes him laugh and he’s shaking his head. but it’s what chanyeol says next that’s got him. “you’ve got excuses.” 

dabin is quick to add in that of all the things rome’s done and said, he’s never had nothing. 

so he’s back in front of that damned box, digging through for inspiration and he says this is it, if he can’t find anything, he’ll see it as good reason to keep working hard ‘til he’s ready instead of forcing it. 

what he does find is something he wrote as a whim, something he never finished before. the idea came to him once and he was going to work on it with yerim years ago but plans fell to the wayside. his idea got lost, buried under everything, and when he reads the start again, the rework of the melody plays in his mind. yeah, this is it. 

his studio becomes messier once he gets to work and instead of complaining or making fun of him, his mom brings him food on one of the nights he’s working past 4am to finish in time. it has to sound just right and while he knows it can’t sound complete without the entire group he has in mind for the performance, he can make it work for this one in particular. “my hard working little princess,” his mom teases when he tells her the song he’s remixing and he laughs harder when the reaction chanyeol gives him is “WTF” via text. the final reveal is only for the day of and he’s endured all the new jokes for this moment, jokes of should he wear a blue tiara, a cape, or even a sparkly blue dress. every time, he said it’s okay, he’d just take it off so he can “let it go” anyway. 

even though he said all that, dabin shakes an icy looking tiara in his face on the day of, lining up with him, and rome yells ya whenever dabin tries to put it on his head until he gets tired of it, giving in and letting it rest there to the point that he forgets when it’s his turn. the laughs and giggles from the crowd tips him off when he gets onstage and he’s chuckling as he holds it in place when he bows. might as well go with it, right? why the hell not? 

“the name’s yu barom. i go by bboybyu or rome. romeo’s good too if you like tragedies,” he jokes, both about the shakespearean tale and what happened. “i’m here ‘cause, aw man, i just can’t hold it back anymore.” he’d asked the staff with a number of “please” and “thank you” to start the music when he said aw man, and he’s tossing the tiara to the side as he sings, let it go let it go. 

00:06 to 01:14 

like the last performance he’d felt so into, the last performance that was entirely his own, his own stage, one of the last evaluations they did for convex before going into the debut album preparation, he sings first, trying to throw off the judges who probably expect him to shy away from it. lord knows, he thought he would too but what’s a cover of let it go without singing even a little? 

the wall people built to lock me up  pretending to be okay because of people’s eyes on me i learned while falling have you ever had a feeling like everyday, you’re walking on thin ice 

the first time he wrote the lyrics, it’d been who he was in high school, how he felt after the mgas, how he felt in nova, and now it’s about how he feels after leaving convex and sphere. his father had a point, he does act like he’s okay but really he’s walking on thin ice, faking it until he tricks even himself into believing. 

oh i want to get away from the things that bother me oh let it go, let it be me  become alive and breathe in this freedom look closely at how far i will go to the people that hate me,  let me say goodbye 

he almost decided to run away from everything. it would’ve been easy, go back to sydney like nothing happened, but this can’t be it. every time he thinks it could be, he keeps going. 

don’t let them in don’t let them see be the good boy you always have to be conceal, don’t feel don’t let them know well now they know

TURN UP let it go, let it let it go  let it go, let it let it go I DON’T CARE ‘BOUT NOTHING SO WHAT

this is where he really shines, his true element. this is what his father really spoke of, how rome doesn’t let anything hold him back in the long run and he has to let it go. this time, this is how he does it. this is how he moves on.  

“let’s switch it up!”

00:07 to 00:45

        unlike most others he’s seen, he doesn’t start with the typical introduction.  he knows a simple “hi, my name is . . .” will go over the judges’ heads, so he has elected -- albeit jokingly at first -- to rap his introduction.  it’s a calculated risk.  he’s not the best at rap, buuut the judges don’t know that.  if he messes up, chances are the judges won’t catch on 'cause it’s his own rap;  they don’t know how it’s supposed to go, right?  right.

        his fingers tighten around a small object fitted perfectly in the palm of his hand as he starts:

mirror, mirror, don’t you see? memorize, mesmerize, this nobody. lee suwoong, didn’t hear that wrong. memorize, mesmerize, this swan song.

look at me, look into my eyes. notice the way i perform with a smile. curved lips, just can’t disguise, coming here’s a choice worthwhile.

        he slowly makes his way toward the end of the stage that’s closest to the judges, his eyes locked on one of them in particular, unwavering, unfaltering.

i know what you’re thinking, i sense your state of mind. your gaze betrays you, you’ve got results defined.

        he sinks down into a low crouch, his voice dropping an octave.

paralyze, pacify, pervade, and pray. here, take this inhaler---

        he sets the hidden object in his hand down at the edge of the stage.  it’s an actual inhaler.  how did he get one?  no one knows.

just in case i take your breath away.

        and to finish off his introduction, he gives the judges a wink before slinking up and walking back to the center of the stage.  once there, he remains in position, with his back to the audience.  now, it’s his time.

        the music begins.  it’s a rather upbeat song that he starts off by snapping along to, and as the second phrase starts  ( 0:06 ),  he swivels on his heel to face the crowd again.  the sequence that follows is a choreography he has learned from youtube with just a few modifications to enhance the playful attitude that’s reflective of his persona.  he grins, scrunches up his nose, quirks one eyebrow, then both---all in the name of being expressive  ( which is, quite frankly, the only thing he’s got going for him ).

        it’s only a second after making a surprised expression that he realizes he has missed the first two BAAM!s that he was supposed to sing.

        or shout.

        his choice song doesn’t quite showcase his vocals as much, but ah, he’s dancing at the same time, so there’s gotta be some sacrifice.

        after that blunder, he settles into a rhythm, rolling his hips and biting his lip at key points.  he sings the parts, though he doesn’t quite remember doing so once the words leave his mouth  ( practice has ingrained the lyrics into him, so that he can focus on what matters more -- the dance, the show ).  at one point, he catches a glimpse of his friend filming him and throws a finger-heart in their direction  ( for lisa, who he’ll later send the video to ).  and just as quickly as everything starts, it ends:  his chest heaves, his eyes flickering to seek approval between the audience and the judges, before finally landing on his friend who looks like they’re torn by laughter and agony.  his eyes narrow for a second.  of all reactions, he isn’t expecting this one.  

        but whatever.  

        he recasts his attention to the crowd and blows a farewell kiss, his mouth splitting into its usual grin shortly thereafter.  adrenaline spurs him to exit the stage, and he does so quickly, leaving the inhaler behind as a memoir to his audition.

        all in all, it’s . . well, it’s a performance.

-- april 14 --

sundays at his mother’s church of choice are always filled with a certain tension for daniel. whether it happens or not, daniel always feels some kind of torn apart by her, and her friends, and the church that preaches less love and more perfection. still, he suffers through it for his family’s sake, and knowing that because he does this, his mother lets him go to church with his grandmother the other three weeks of the month.

the drive home is uneventful, and daniel relaxes, glad the worst part is over with. (but the worst is yet to come.)

they eat lunch, dad drifts away to do work, mina goes upstairs to her room, and it’s daniel and his mother. they clean up the table together, collecting dishes and silverware, and it’s when his mother passes him, returning from the kitchen back to the table, that she stops. she grabs him by the bottom of his ear, and he tenses on instinct, despite not knowing what comes next.

“are your ears pierced?” she asks, and her voice is equally piercing.

“yes...?” he answers, because the evidence is there. there’s no point in lying about this.

“why?” she has that look on her face: the raised eyebrows, the tongue laced in criticism, the heavy, inevitable disappointment. “daniel, where have you been?”

what lie does he spin now, to join the others? i’m going to study, i’m going to work, i’m going to the library, i’m going to haknyeon’s, i have work, all to cover up empty enigma shows and rehearsals and album preparation and friends she wouldn’t approve of and the fact that he’s raising a dog with a girl that she does like, if he remembers right. when does it stop?

now, he decides, finally. he is carrying too much weight around. soon his chest will cave in, if he doesn’t get rid of something. this has to be it. “mom, i have...a lot to tell you.”

so he does. he tells her that he loves music, and that he’s in a metal band-- about empty enigma, and that they’re his best friends, some of the best people he’s ever met. he tells her it’s been a year and a half, that he hasn’t been going where he’s told her, that he’s been performing shows, and going to rehearsal, and working on an album, but that his grades are still good-- that he can handle it-- that it’s okay.

she looks at him in silence for long, deafening seconds. his ears ring, and he meets her gaze, not fearless, but anticipating. “okay,” she breathes at last, and he lets out a breath of air the tension kept in his lungs. “i’ve raised you how i thought i should. it’s your life, and you’re old enough to make your own choices, so you can do what you choose with it.” he’s so relieved. is that it? he gets his hopes up.

“but,” and it comes crashing down again. he hangs on every word. “if you want to do this, you won’t do it while under my roof.”

he expected it. no, he expected worse, really. in this there is a promise that their relationship will continue as it has so long as he moves out, and if he’s going to make choices without her approval, that he needs to take steps to be entirely independent. as the moments stretch on, he thinks it’s fair. he understands, and if she can’t accept this about him ( oh god, there’s so much worse she might need to accept) then he doesn’t want to live with her anyway.

“okay,” he agrees, but it still stings.

he doesn’t have an apartment, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he calls the first person he thinks of-- the first place he would want to go in a situation like this: ha sungwoon.

he doesn’t hesitate as long as he should. he calls, and when sungwoon picks up, he resists the word sorry on the tip of his tongue. “so, i told my mom about the band. she wants me out of the house today. do you guys...have space for me on your couch?”

-- after --

it’s not as bad as it could be. it’s not as bad as he expected, daniel, always expecting the worst. the empty enigma members are still his best friends, and they still assure him that it’s no trouble-- still welcome him with open arms, and he claims he isn’t upset. he doesn’t think he is, but he knows he needs them, anyway.

it’s not even as bad with sungwoon as it could be. maybe they’ve gotten their awkwardness out of their system, as much as they tried to play it off like nothing was wrong in front of the other guys to avoid questions. he doubts they succeeded, given the sheer amount of concern for sungwoon daniel has been unable to shake since his birthday, trying to tiptoe the line of taking advantage of his feelings and treating him the same as he did before. by the time he’s sleeping on his couch, though, things feel almost normal, or he can delude himself into thinking so.

kenta helps him with apartment hunting, and minhyun makes sure he’s eating well, and jihoon offers his own form of support, in his typical nonchalant jihoon way, or maybe daniel just finds the consistency he brings comforting in a time of such turbulent change. 

he still feels that weight on his chest, though unveiling his secrets to his mother provided some relief. maybe it’s spending so much time around sungwoon that makes it progressively harder to breathe, or the ever-present fear that he’s overstaying his welcome with his friends, or his sudden dissatisfaction with the song he’s practiced for the triple threat challenge, on top of everything else, but eventually he just needs to speak. minhyun becomes his unfortunate victim, and he tells him everything-- not naming names, of course, and the burden becomes easier to carry when it’s shared with someone else. he’s grateful.

still, he considers backing out of the triple threat challenge altogether. he just doesn’t know if he’s up for it, and yet there’s some tiny flame in his soul that craves the stage again, as daniel, away from empty enigma and his storm of feelings and fears surrounding them. so, he does what’s natural: overhauls his performance and starts preparing a new song five days before the performances.

he doesn’t have anything against empty enigma; he loves them with all of his heart, actually, but he’s introverted, and spending so much of his time around four other guys takes its toll, not even considering the one that’s in love with him whom he himself has undetermined feelings for (???). he wants to perform without them, and this seems like his best chance.

so he’ll do it, and he’ll do it with confidence, throwing caution to the wind.

-- after --

even with all of the performers preceding him, and their talent, he isn’t shaken. it’s different from the mgas; he doesn’t feel so out of his element here, though he’s far from a triple threat. he never claimed to be, and he won’t. instead, he feels oddly settled-- ready, even as he cheers for joohyun and tries to maintain his composure during her performance. he sees other familiar faces too, both among the performances and those who haven’t performed just yet.

they call him up to wait backstage, and he does, trusty guitar hung over his shoulder, fingers tapping on the body of it, without a pick-- just him, his guitar, and his voice. just daniel, though maybe he’ll bring a little bit of cameo too.

he’s up next, and he strides onto the stage, and grins when he looks out over the crowd. empty enigma’s venues are always smaller-- darker lit. this is more reminiscent of the mgas, and he feels at home instead of daunted (though maybe still a little daunted.)

“i’m kang daniel,” he greets. again. do you remember me? he wouldn’t be surprised if no one remembers, but he hopes they do. “this is an ed sheeran song.” he’ll leave the title as a mystery for now.

he starts strumming, a quiet sound, and launches into the rhythmic singing-rapping style:

cause with the lyrics i'll be aiming it right i won't stop until my name's in lights with stadium heights, with damien rice on red carpets, now i'm on arabian nights because i'm young i know my brothers gonna give me advice

you need me, i don’t need you is a song with more spunk than daniel originally thought he was cut out for. who is he, someone no company has need of, to stand on stage and claim ‘you need me, i don’t need you?’ no one, really. he doesn’t know if he means it, though he doesn’t think he does need a big company to love music and succeed with it. empty enigma may be far from a famous, fortune-producing band, but they have their fans, and they have their heart in it, and that’s what matters to him. that’s what he wants to pursue, more than anything, and the longer he practiced this song, the more he believed it, even with all of its references he didn’t always understand-- even with its rapid-fire english that sometimes still felt more comfortable to him than korean.

but still, there’s very little time to breathe.

long nighter, right height and i gone hyper never be anything but a singer-songwriter, yeah the game's over but now I'm on a new level watch how i step on the track without a loop pedal

he made small alterations to the lyrics during the preparation process to reflect him more, kang daniel, so it felt believable, because the song is nothing if not genuine. at it’s core, it’s about staying true to yourself, about not changing for others, and maybe he needed to perform this song instead of the one he practiced before it because it’s so relevant. it’s for his mom, and anyone that would look down on him for loving music, not just something cheeky to sing to tiger jk’s face, though that’s an added bonus. (maybe, once the familiar performance bravado fades, he’ll feel embarrassed. maybe the gall will disappear, and he’ll be left with that even more familiar, ever-present fear. for now, he doesn’t feel it.)

people think that i'm bound to blow up i've done around about a thousand shows but i haven't got a house plus i live on a couch so you believe the lyrics when i'm singing them out wow, from day one i've been prepared with V05 wax for my silver hair so now i'm back to the sofa giving a dose of what the future holds

again, the relevancy. it’s only fitting he sing-raps a song about living on a couch while literally doing so, and that he can sing this is evidence of his growth. he says silver hair, a reference to cameo, his still ultimately secret empty enigma stage persona, with ease, something that would’ve paralyzed him with fear around six months ago. for him, what the future holds is empty enigma’s album, and if this performance is at all impressive, they’re so much stronger together. 

i’ve still got a rucksack full of old clothes, i rap with the cold flows i’m back with the old jokes, in fact you don’t know ‘em tracks that throw blows and make my punchlines relevant if you can’t keep up you’re getting on my ??? my flow’s developing, skin lacks the melanin give me a shot of adrenaline and i get it in do it for the hell of it  ‘cause ever since i hit the mainstream with team c i seem to sell a bit

yes, do it for the hell of it, like he’s doing this, right now. he wrote in a reference to his first team on the mgas, too-- team c, perhaps the only team that didn’t come up with a special team name that first week, replacing ed sheeran’s original mention of his first single, the a-team. it seemed only fitting, if this song is about his journey now, too, and he wants it to be so.

i took my ??? back with the women then i package the image put in some content, then i sold it back as a gimmick the fact is this end up dating actresses wake up on dirty mattresses i think i need to practice this

this is the part of the song he can’t relate to as much, because as flirtatious as he is when cameo is on stage, and in the after-parties after, he does not wake up on dirty mattresses (except for that one time.) he didn’t rewrite it though, instead, keeping it in to keep the rhythm the same, and because it just seemed to suit the song. it wasn’t worth changing. 

the song is so fast, he doesn’t get a moment to rest from it, his mouth spitting line after line one after another. when he first started practicing, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, like he was having an allergic reaction, and maybe he isn’t really a good enough rapper for this. maybe he didn’t give himself enough time to practice (though he already knew the song well before he even considered performing it, so that helped). in the end, it’s fun, and that’s what matters most.

the next part might be his favorite:

but i make shit happen, call me a laxative world’s on my shoulders, i don’t even know what atlas is hot bars sharp like the cactus is i’m back to rapping back to back ‘cause i’ve been practicing i’m baptizing this

if only because he gets to say shit in front of tiger jk, and he will bear the consequences, should they come. he’s already censoring the song further down the line, and if he’s going to be ballsy enough to sing this song in the first place, he’ll be ballsy enough to sing the word shit, damn it. the whole world was on his shoulders before he stepped on this stage, but he feels lighter now, suddenly, and he’s been practicing too. rapping wasn’t a skill he really knew he possessed until now, but one he found himself enjoying, and dare he say, with a natural knack for. maybe some of that empty enigma screaming transferred over, and he wouldn’t be daniel without some reference to christianity, would he?

finally, the chorus comes, and it’s the closest thing to a break he gets, returning to the more familiar comfort of all out singing.

cause you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you at all you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you, no

it’s the first time he sings the words, and what the guitar crescendoed to up until now, and he keeps a confident, borderline smug look on his face-- tries to look toward tiger jk and make eye contact. if he’s going to do it, he might as well sell it. he’s heard the ceo appreciates boldness. maybe he’ll entertain him, at the very least. or maybe the ceo will think it’s massively disrespectful. time will tell.

i'll keep my last name forever, keep this genre pretty basic gonna be breaking into other people's tunes when i chase it and replace it with the elephant in the room with a facelift slipping into another rapper shoes using new laces i'm selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the papers selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the majors nationwide tour with just jack, still had to get the bus back clean cut kid without a razor for the moustache

another opportunity for him to change the lyrics to something to better suit him, because he admittedly doesn’t know what just jack is. his guess is a band that ed sheeran toured with, but he couldn’t come up with something that suited both himself and the song, so he kept it. empty enigma hasn’t done a nationwide tour, anyway; they’re all just big dreams. they’ll still just be selling cds from a rucksack and aiming for the majors.

i hit back when the pen hurts me i'm still a choir boy in a thin church tee i'm still the same as a year ago but more people hear me though according to the naver and youtube videos

lyric changes this time: fenchurch to thin church, taking a brand name he didn’t understand to something that reflects his background, and how his first real introduction to music was in church-- how he first sang in a church choir and his mom only let him listen to christian music for the longest time. he changed myspace to naver, something more time-relevant and daniel relevant. a year ago was before he set foot on the mgas-- before he even knew he loved music, while he still wasn’t even sure if he loved empty enigma. he still thought it was all a phase, and something he’d escape from, eventually returning to a life of safety and monotony. even with the events of 2019, he’s still glad for that year of difference. he’s thankful.

the guitar all but cuts out, nothing but daniel’s voice and a few accents from strings for the next part:

i'm always doing shows if I'm not I'm in the studio truly broke, never growing up, call me rufio melody music maker, reading all the papers they say i’m up and coming like i'm effing in an elevator

ah yes, there it is: the elevator line, something he would not have the courage to sing by himself in the bathroom, let alone on stage in front of tiger jk and at least 100 people, were it not for the power of cameo. with this extra bravery, he sings it casually, as if it’s the same as the other hundred lines he’s spit. what’s more important: he’s been working his ass off for music, as the lyrics suggest, and he’ll find fulfillment in that, with or (preferably) without trc’s help, that much is certain.

in comes the final hit of the chorus, the figurative sigh of relief and sign of his two minutes up on stage, jam-packed with content, coming to a close. it’s the explanation point on the end of a performance he poured his heart into, both now and leading up to this.

her heart nearly stops in place when she hears of the challenge returning. the first thought that comes is shock, but it’s quickly followed by excitement. she’s always loved the idea of being a triple threat. then the realization comes right after that she’s not exactly good at singing or rapping. maybe only ever focusing on her dance has finally come back to bite her in the ass.

that being said, she still feels the childish innocence in her that pulls her towards the challenge. it’ll be fun her mind says, right before it’s suplexed by her insecurities and complex. what if she fails again? she’s so tired of being turned away over and over...but then when was she planning on getting her shit together and auditioning? when she turns seventeen? eighteen? just how many years does she want to be scared for? that’s...not her. not the brave and reckless ahn yujin that everyone knows—though she supposes her closest friends don’t think that anymore. it scares her to know that her weakest points are out there as common knowledge, it scares her to think that her friends are looking at her differently because of it.

then she should do something to change their perception. try harder, push herself more. no one’s ever gotten anything done by just sitting around waiting for things to come to them. she’s already pushing herself so much but...she knows she can handle more. just close your heart off to disappointments, pretend they don’t exist. the glass bottle of her heart is filled with rotted flowers and cracked gems, but that doesn’t matter. it’ll all be fixed when she reaches her goal. she’s sure of it. she just has to endure it more.

the sun’s barely peeking out from the horizon when she arrives in yongsan, spotting only a couple of people sitting down in front of the counter through her bleary eyes. she wanted to make sure she at least got the chance to perform, even if it meant missing out on much-needed sleep. she has time to wake up there anyway—sign ups were hours away.

she ends up chatting with a few of the contestants as they wait in solidarity and it helps her nerves. the sun slowly rises with the amount of people, and yujin finds herself closing off more and more. they all scared her, warming up their voices and bodies in line. it’s easy to see just how much better they all were compared to her. still, she holds on, stretching out her limbs as time crawls on. she gets her name on the form easily enough, and that’s at least one of her concerns dealt with.

it’s not long before her name is called and she feels her mind settling into a zone. her nerves last until she steps onto the stage, and somehow the crowd gathered below doesn’t seem to faze her all that much. she tries not to look too closely, not wanting to be distracted by any familiar faces, and simply stands in the middle and waits for her cue.

넌 나의 비올레타 나에게 다 넌 나의 비올레타 모든 게 다 넌 나의 비올레타

the song starts at the chorus, as she wants to show off her dance for a good first impression. it’s a choreography she’s practiced enough to perfectly execute and she does just that. the vocal parts are minimal which allows her to focus on delivering the charm of the song.

너 너 너 나를 믿어줄래 어서 내게 더 더 더 네 맘을 열어줄래 신비로운 네 빛깔을 담아 너를 비춰줄 내 모습을 닮아 누구보다 빛이 날 수 있게 너와 나 함께 할 수 있게

the next part that comes on is the rap, and thankfully it’s one of the easier rap sections out there. soft but charismatic, yujin carries out the performance as intended, putting on her best expressions along with the moves that have come to be much easier than the dances she’s been practicing recently.

아름답게 펼쳐진 네 향기로 채워진 세상에 맘을 열어 네게 더 귀 기울여 내 안에 너를 비춰 영원히 널 물들여 눈부시게 더 빛날 테니까

now this is something she’s had to improvise a bit. both the dance and the vocals in the original part are done by four people in quick succession, but yujin’s alone in this. instead of moving back and forth the stage, she manages to handle the choreography by subtly adjusting her position every time, making it so that she seems to be changing her spot on the stage.

널 닮은 하늘에 숨겨왔던 마음을 기다렸던 순간을 늘 바라왔었던 널 하늘에 담아서 있는 그대로 지금 느낌 그대로 내게 널 보여줘

with the vocally challenging part finally arriving, yujin conserves some of her energy for keeping her voice stable, although it’s hard with the dance being as fun to do as it is right now. she’s aware she’s unable to hit either of the high notes present, but she at least switches into head voice to reach it. she’s loud if anything, and the words are clear, but she does find herself sounding amateurish at best. well, it’s not like it’s her strong suit anyway.

넌 나의 비올레타 나에게 다 넌 나의 비올레타 모든 게 다

she’s chosen to skip the bridge entirely, not wanting to drag the performance on for longer than necessary. instead, the song skips directly to the final chorus where she simply dances without attempting the adlibs. she’s tried them for sure, but it’s optimal to show only her best right now. she’s prerecorded the vocals for this part, so at least it doesn’t sound too empty.

저 하늘에 그려진 너의 미소가 밝게 빛이 나잖아 Oh 아름다운 네 맘의 Flower 넌 나의 비올레타 지켜줄게 널 환히 비춰 줄게 널 넌 나의 세상 넌 나의 빛 Oh my heart 비올레타

it’s the last and best part, not too high in pitch yet perfect for her loud voice. powerful, charismatic moves and expressions compliment her final show of skills, pulling out all the stops to really impress the judges. it’s funny that for a moment, and just a moment before her performance comes to an end, yujin realizes she’s enjoying herself. even if she’s competing again, even if there’s so much on the line, she ends up forgetting it all as she performs her heart out. maybe it’s the passion of the song, the lyrics that she loves so much, a dance that suits her completely, or simply having missed the stage. yujin doesn’t know, but she doesn’t care either.

as the song comes to an end, she manages the ending pose the best she can and flashes a smile at the audience. it’s been awhile, the voice in the back of her head says, and yujin can’t help but agree.

it’s a revelation nana has come to realize when it’s almost her turn to perform, eyes still upon whoever is up there at the current moment but too much within her head to actually pay attention to them. the past week or so since she’s decided to actually go forward with this has been filled with practice within her free time; whether it’s within the dance studio that she currently belongs to or even within her home ( and she needs to make a reminder to herself to send the neighbors below her a complimentary fruit basket for their troubles ), even going so far as to hiring a vocal coach for her singing -- because lord knows that wasn’t something that was going to get better on it’s own.

and she’s proud of the work, of her effort. but the realistic part of her knows that she can’t keep going for this dream, especially at the age of 23. especially when she’s already making strides on her own in the designer world, slowly but surely breaking her way into it. she couldn’t keep hoping for a chance -- so maybe it was a sign if nothing good came out of this. maybe it’s time to put away teenage dreams and focus on what was already going well for her as an adult.

maybe.

the woman is so caught up in her thoughts she almost doesn’t hear her name being called, that it’s her turn and it’s with a slight jump of her body that she shuffles her way on the main area of the stage. the curious eyes of the small crowd that’s gathered in front of her is nerve wracking, but the presence of tiger jk himself watching her every move is straight up intimidating.

now this, handling her nerves, was something she couldn't practice at home.

“hello! my name is im jinah, and i hope that you’ll enjoy my performance.” she bows the introduction, crimson lips pulling into a wide grin and as she moves back a couple of steps. and as if on cue, the instrumental starts, leaving her no time to sit and wonder -- she parts her lips and shows what she’s made of.

살짝 졸리네 난 앞으론 밖으로 나갈 일이 없어졌지 네가, 더 이상 나와 함께할 일이 없을 거라 말했어 it's okay, it's fine, i understand

it’s not a hard-hitting hip hop song, nothing dark with a fast rhythm and a hard flow -- it’s the exact opposite. light, almost dreamy, kind of sweet. something that fits her style, her tone, as well as who she was as a person -- there was no need for her to put on facade to show that she could fit into trc.

하지만 언제든 전화해 미안하다거나 죄책감이 들어 네 정신을 괴롭힐 때면 lean that, clean that, erase it, just erase it

and she enjoys the sing song nature of it, the rap-singing that showcases her honey sweet tone -- and before the crowd could get used to it and think that’s all she’s got, the rhythm picks up while her voice drops into something a little more deeper, more what one would expect out of a rapper.

and it’s the next verses that comes more naturally to her, where she’s able to relax a bit as she showcases her flow. it’s a bit rusty, a tad bit awkward since she can’t remember the last time that she’s actually rapped in front of people ( especially because the last time she called herself a rapper bring up bad memories ), but gives an attempt to not let it show. nana makes uses the expanse of the stage, walking around and trying to engage with the rather dry crowd in order to not showcase her awkwardness, 

the chorus hits and she’s back to singing, praying to god that her voice doesn’t crack thanks to tiger jk only being feet away from her, swaying to the sort melody that comes from the speakers as well as her lips. there isn’t too much that she can do when it comes to this song with a slow tempo, but nana tries to make the best of it, tries to show that she’s having a good time. the first portion of her audition comes to a close with a last verse of rapping, sounding a lot more smooth with her words and ending it with a couple of nods of her head and a grin. 

it was better to get the hardest part done first, after all.

she can feel her nerves leaving her as she slips off her jacket with ease, moving into position for her dance portion, the one that she felt a lot more confident in. ariana grande’s vocals fill the area as god is a woman starts to play, a small mix of the beginning to introduce the song before it jumps right her part, and allows the power that comes from her assurance flow through her and start the song.

unlike her rapping and singing, her dancing ability has never left her -- because nana hasn’t allowed it to. pole dancing kept her body limber, while dance workshops and signing up to be a regular in the dance studio has kept her at ( almost ) peak performance, popping and bending her body with such an ease that can only belong to a trained dancer. the routine is different than her usual, though -- one that has an almost contemporary flair mixed with hip hop instead of the precise movement that comes with waacking. there’s a lot more movement upon the floor and instead of worrying about all the germs and sweat that slabs have inhabited throughout the day, she focuses on her expressions; or on making sure that she’s not getting ahead of the beat.

and with a rotation of her body at the climax, she ends her audition with her face down. chest heaving from the exertion and adrenaline thrumming within her body. there’s nothing more left for her to do then to stand up and bow to the crowd and the judges, giving a light wink ( just because ) before she makes her way off the stage.

     “maybe i shouldn’t have come...” her words come out in low mutters, face pensive as her eyes jump between various other bodies, all seemingly stuck in their own bubbles while going through last-minute preparations and quick routine rehearsals as names are called one by one. vaguely, in her own foggy mind, a few faces stand out in recognition, but she keeps to herself regardless— she was in no mood to make small talk with others right now, not while she’s still attempting to steady her breathing ( she also doesn’t want to disrupt anyone else who might also be trying to get into the proper headspace ).

     if she was being honest, she’s glad she’d ended up coming on her own, knowing lighthearted distractions from a close friend or family member were the last thing she needed at a time like this ( even if said distraction was meant to be encouraging ).

     no, coming alone had definitely been the right choice, even if she now had to deal with her neverending nerves and doubts on her own. she was used to doing that by now— used to having to cheer herself up and make herself push through mental difficulties.

     if she could get through this, regardless of whether she succeeded or failed, nayeon had faith in herself that maybe, just maybe, she truly was making proper steps towards the improvement she’s so desperately wanted to make over the last year of inactivity. the rejection she’d faced after her first audition offer months ago had done quite the number on her fragile conviction, a heavy cloud of sadness hovering over her for a good while before it felt like she could breathe again. that had been unexpected, and she didn’t like feeling like that.

     the night before, she made herself a promise— regardless of what happened, she wouldn’t let the disappointment of another rejection overtake and dissuade her so easily again.

     her name is called and it feels like someone’s dumped a bucket of ice water on her head.

     before she walks up into the stage, she gives herself a second to loosen up, to try and make herself seem more at ease than she actually is. the deep breathes she takes help somewhat, her shoulders less stiff and breathing much calmer. walking on, she’s grateful she doesn’t trip over her own feet as she’s met with the hard stares of tiger jk and his group of fellow judges set on her ( she’s glad crowds haven’t become very intimidating for her the way they’d once been when she first started dancing— it’s easy to let her eyes bounce around unknown faces before settling back towards the judges ).

     as she speaks, nayeon is glad her voice stays fairly level, and she lets her smile shine through sweetly as she gives a polite bow. “hello, my name is im nayeon! thank you for having me today, i hope you enjoy my performance!” with her introduction out of the way, she gets herself into position, waiting for the music to start. the moment she hears the songs intro, she moves with fluidity and ease, her body moving with a sort of elegance that was a mix of natural talent and practiced technique.

     as she begins with the opening lines, nayeon knows her rapping isn’t her best skill. really, she’s not ashamed to say it’s definitely her worst, her focus always having been geared towards dancing and a sense of stage presence ( and to an extent, once she’d caught interest in musical theater back in her later years of high school, singing ), but that didn’t mean she was afraid to try— well, that was a lie. but, regardless of her fears, that wouldn’t stop her from trying. if she was required to show off rapping skills, then that’s what she’d do, even if they were subpar. to combat this, however, she’s glad she’d gone with a song that wasn’t heavily reliant on rap, one that went for more of an idol style rap, almost like sing-talking. she gets through it simply, going into vocals are her body moves seamlessly.

La la love (ah) La la la la la love Everything happened in a flash It bloomed in my heart I call it love 반짝 불빛이 반짝 두 눈을 깜빡 내 앞에 넌 서있어 찰칵 또 한 번 찰칵 지금 그대로의 널 담겠어

     she’s sure to keep her vocals as stable as she can, not wanting to go too extreme in making them a stand out within the performance, putting more emphasis in her moves in the hopes that they’ll shine through the most and give off the best impression. what she lacks in other areas, she’s more than happy to make up for with her dancing until she can improve wherever else she needs to.

아무 준비 없이 널 좋아해도 될까 나 그래도 될까? 어렵게 생각 말까? 넌 예고도 없이 불쑥 내게 와서 나를 흔들어 잔잔했던 맘을 울려 Love 이 순간을 가둘래 Stay 찰나를 담은 frame Forever 그 안은 영원해

     as she goes through the pre-chorus, she’s sure to have her expressions match the tone of the song, keeping her features alluring with each glance she throws the judges ( as well as the ones she gives to members of the audience— eye contact was important. it helped leave an impression, and that’s what nayeon wanted to do. she didn’t want to be forgotten ). she keeps her voice clear, letting her moves die down in their intensity only a little bit as the music builds up to the chorus.

너무 아름다운 너 stay 날 향한 시선 stay 지금 내 눈 속에 담긴 내 맘속에 새긴 이 순간 어쩌면 영원할 la la love La la la la la love La la la la so stay (stay stay) La la love La la la la la love 머물러 내 곁에 그대로 멈춰줘 잠깐 초점을 맞춰서 찰칵

     with the start of the chorus, while she makes sure not to overdo it too much so her vocals don’t sound messy, nayeon puts more grace into the songs point choreography, never missing a beat with each transition she makes into the next string of moves. it’s almost like a domino effect, precision a key, and nayeon feels good. this had been her favorite part of the whole song, and she wanted to make sure she did justice to it as she showcased it to the audience and panel of judges. she’s glad for the clips pining hair down on one side of her head, knowing that it would have gotten in her face numerous amounts of times by now had it now been for them. it’s easy for her to flip strands from the other side back into place without disruption, giving a pretty smile as she does so ( and maybe even a small wink to an onlooker she’d made eye contact with ).

     as she speaks the last part of the chorus, the song transitioning into the final portion, she takes a deep breath as she readies herself.

     similar to how it’s originally done, she keeps her style of rapping in a more sing-song style, letting it more so flow than spitting bars. for her, it’s more of a time to wind everything down, trying to keep her tone smooth as she finishes with the music and her voice fading out, striking a finishing pose.

어쩜 나의 착각 없던 작은 바람 어떤 장난처럼 또 한 순간에 차오른 너 그냥 이대로 stay (save) 조금의 차이도 no no more 달이 맘처럼 차오르는 밤 날 안고 데려가

     she waits a beat, letting the music fade a moment longer before moving to bow to the judges once more with a small smile before making her way off the stage, her breathing more erratic after moving around so much, heart beating just as madly as it had been before she’d even signed herself up for the competition. as she walks back into the area where people were still waiting for their turn, absentmindedly hearing another name being called for their turn to perform, nayeon can’t help but let out a heavy sigh that she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding in.

     she was done— she’d done it. gone up there and given the best performance she could given the challenge.

her first ideas all failed her for the exact point of lacking a rap portion in the original track. she figured sticking a verse into ‘into the new world’ would have been amazing but she's no rapper and finding something then practicing it would take too much time. she reminds herself of the recent class she took of holiday’s choreography and wonders why not.

it's actually the other title song, her choice, but anything from that album was golden. needless to say, she already knew that choreography as well, plus the entire lyrics. cutting the song into two minutes wasn't too hard but an extreme shame. nakyung would never dare to disrespect chichi like this, but if it was the only way then so be it.

as she normally would, most of her attention fell on the costume. there'd be no point in performing while wearing something trashy; not in nakyung's eyes. if she already knew how her performance would go then it wasn't like she had much more to worry.

if there was someone to pick from it had to be peach. times passed but the number one visual always remained the same. it was good to see her favorite group stay relevant even after so long. nara had just released a new solo song, boreum was getting recognition in the us, and peach continued being as gorgeous as anyone could wish to be. nakyung thought she'd fit well as a group's visual and it'd be hard to find someone who disagrees. so she goes out to buy the fabric and everything else she'd need. her outfit was done by herself, as most of the others were as well.

>once she's there it does easily break a mind. the girl holds onto her arms for most of the time she's in line. doubts fill her mind between what ifs and pure facts. she wouldn't win today, so what was she doing there? saying it was for the experience was simply a way to make her parents agree to her plan but it didn't feel like much of a plan anymore.

there's still a smug smile on her face when a staff member asks for her information to sign her up for the challenge.

she wouldn't be one of the firsts but also not last. the middle was good. it meant it was harder to leave an impression and she wouldn't win. nakyung had to keep that in mind. she stretches her arms again and goes through some lyrics to make sure she won't forget them. not winning was one thing, but at least she shouldn't embarrass herself.

it takes some time, but eventually, she's up on the stage. her eyes tried not to pay much attention to the other contestants but she knows they were better than her. she wouldn't win.

“hello! my name is lee nakyung and i'll be performing all night by chichi.”

her voice is calm even if her insides aren't acting quite the same. during the few seconds in between her introduction and the song starts, nakyung tries to think of chichi and how she felt watching them perform. those were the feelings she wanted to pass on, now and forever more.

the first few notes playing meant she had to move fast. her hands move quickly and her lips grow with the smile she had on before. the song's energy was high and nakyung felt like it was one she could recreate. as much as the song lyrics weren't quite youthful as in teen years the girl was still certain her bright features meant a big win for a hype concept like this. perhaps 'into the new world' with a rap portion would have been more fitting, but the shoe still fit and so she wears it.

the first lyrics are the chorus, and as much as they are sang by chichi's more powerful vocals, it isn't that hard of a job to do. the choreography is more of precise movements rather than actually hard ones. what is hardest is keeping yourself equilibrated with only one foot, but it looks about as good as it did when the original singers did it.

boreum was no rapper, but her fast singing was the start of what would be considered nakyung's rap portion. a-zi was who made it official, and the girl kept a smug facial expression while following along to her own adaptation of a one-person version of the song. she's thankful they let them use pre-recorded parts, or else the all night chant would have felt rather boring.

chichi's dance break was more about charm than dancing. nakyung thought of herself as a dancer, but if charm were to be the fourth skill then she'd give herself that title instead. maybe she should have chosen something a big harder, but the points she was there to prove were that she could do it all, and that's exactly what she did.