𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣.

( w. @yejirk​ ).

     on any normal occasion, nayeon wouldn’t find it hard for herself to make such a simple decision, especially when the options being presented didn’t seem overly difficult in comparison to one another. really, she was always a fan of choice— who wasn’t? now, however, she finds herself at a stalemate with her own wants. everything seemed like it would be a great deal of fun!

♡ ₊˚ break the internet.

she can only imagine what they would have said to her if she had accidentally revealed nayeon as a kt trainee. when she was going over captions ( probably for hours, because that’s how these things usually seem to go for her ), she’s pretty sure she had considered saying something about kt too, so it’s a good thing she kept her mouth shut and just posted something simple about her being pretty ( which is still true! ). getting an sns ban isn’t part of her plan right now, especially if it’s for something like this and not even for something fun like a lovestagram.

which wouldn’t be fun either — not when she gets caught and scolded and is labeled a bad seed in the eyes of the management. but it’s more fun to think about.

“for the record, i think getting revealed on instagram like that would be great. whenever trainees get accidentally revealed by senior artists they always get a lot of buzz online. and especially for a company like kt. especially because you’re so pretty. you probably have pretty high school pictures, don’t you? no dark past or anything?” she laughs, looking at the pictures on her phone and sighing. “we’ll just have to wait to post these then, or maybe i’ll make a fake account, but i’m kind of scared?” netizens are too smart these days, and she swears they can find just about anything. “tell katie lee to hurry up! i can’t believe they’re keeping a gem like you hidden in the basement.

     “that’s true— anytime i’ve seen senior artists reference unknown trainees from their companies in pretty much any way, netizens seem to get to work really quickly,” she agrees, nodding her head as she thought. “honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if people have already tried digging up some information about me even with nothing really to go off of— i’m your friend, after all.” it’s a joke, maybe only partially, but there’s a hint of amusement in nayeons voice nonetheless.

     it makes her think, however— when would nayeon finally be revealed to the public, if ever? it’s already been a year now since she began her training, and with the majority of male trainees gearing up for debuts of their own, she can’t deny the chance she’ll have to wait for a while longer. it’s not necessarily something that bothers her, but she can’t help the curiosity she feels.

♡ ₊˚ to lean on.

he knows she means well but all it does is make him more angry. “don’t you think that’s fucked up though,” he counters, genuinely challenging her point of view. “how messed up is it that they play these mindgames on us, making us believe like we’re worth nothing. like we have no talent and we have nothing to our name or nothing that makes us special or valuable?” extinguishing his vape, he snarls his tongue. at this point no amount of vaping will sedate his urge to rebel and fuck shit up.

“there is always something you can do better, something you can learn- of course there is. but that doesn’t mean you’re completely talentless or that you haven’t already achieved something. no matter how much you work in this god damn company- you still get told you’re nothing. like all this time you spend improving, developing your skills, polishing your talents is worthless because you suck and you will always suck until they deem you don’t suck as much anymore that they can debut you,” he goes on, brows furrowing angrily.

“and even then they keep telling you you suck so you won’t ever stop neglecting your health and slaving away any hour worrying about how you have to work harder, train longer, do more just to meet some stupid expectations you’re never supposed to meet anyway.” the male snarls, kicking the railing in frustration. “that’s their mindset and I don’t care how cool katie lee makes herself out to be, the fact she supports this is sick and drop down wrong!”

     she understands his anger, the pain and frustrations laced in every word he spits out, negativity she can only imagine has been brewing for quiet some time now with how intensely it comes out. it’s scary, but not in a way that makes her want to cower away from him— no, his irritation is thick on her skin, firm in the open air, but she knows it’s not directed towards her. that’s why, despite the way it makes her stomach drop, she can withstand it ( she’d rather bare the wave she knows he needs to expel than risk letting him bottle it all up even more, letting him allow it to fester until all he knows is its bitter taste ).

     she can’t speak, refrains from doing so, wanting him to allow his thoughts to run freely without interruption— nayeon feels like a pause is the last thing he needs right now. through it all, she can’t help but think she agrees with him. it is unfair to be made to think you’re not worth what you really are, to be talked down to as a way of being kept in check, and maybe if she was stronger, she’d allow herself to speak up not just for herself, but for others. she wouldn’t be so lenient with any sparse negative treatment she gets, she’d be more outspoken, less conforming, but that’s the thing— nayeon isn’t as strong as she’d like to believe she was. she doesn’t think she’d ever have the strength to stand up in that way, not when she finds it easy to conform, but maybe that was simply her own weakness to bare.

     jungkooka was strong. jungkook had fire. if she can’t be strong, she’s happy that he can.

( 💌 ) IMRINNAS UPLOADED A NEW POST!

// producer drop

luckily enough, she didn’t seem to mind him coming up to her that late, even though they were basically just acquaintances within the same company. he mirrored her small smile, as he gestured towards the open door of the producing cabin he was using until now. whenever he started to work on a song, he forgot about the time, so he was rather hesitant to ask her for a little piece of advice, when all that she probably wanted right now, was to return home from an exhausting day of training. the older male felt a little guilty to hold her back, when she was clearly on her way out of the building, but he assured her that things wouldn’t take too long. it was really just that tiny detail that he needed to work out for the song to be completed. and he knew himself too well, that he wouldn’t be able to let it go til tomorrow morning until he was satisfied.

“that would actually help me a lot!” he beamed at her, before pulling out the chair for her to sit down and handing her the headphones for her to have a listen to said song. chuckling, he nodded at her question. “yeah… I’ve been trying to decide for the last thirty minutes. it’s just that i think that the beginning is really important to get people hooked on the song right from the start. like, i want them to listen to the song and knowing straight away, that the song is going to be lit. does that make sense to you?” gray wondered, mustering the younger trainee from the side, as he opened up the first draft in one window and dragging the second into the window right to it.

after making sure that the headphones aren’t set up to maximum sound, he pressed the start button and the music begins to cue. he let her listen to the first few seconds, until his producer drop is played, before pressing the pause button and switching over to the other draft. same procedure, just a other time stamp of said producer drop. it was just a tiny difference, but coming as a huge impact to him. frowning in cluelessness, he looked over to nayeon once again. “what do you think? is it strange, that i am hung up on that tiny detail?”

     even with them not being the closest, nayeon is glad she comes off as friendly enough for him to come to her for help, even if it was only because she was the only person around who could lend a hand. regardless, nayeon is happy ( even happier to help ), and as he leads the two of them back to the room he’d come out from, nayeon takes a second to send a quick text sia’s way to let her know what was going on, just in case she ended up staying even later at the company building than she’d initially planned.

     “the beginning of a song is definitely important,” she agrees, nodding along to visualize herself. she’s once heard somewhere that the first 5 seconds of listening to something were when people tended to make judgement, so making the opening few seconds of a songs appealing were very important. sitting beside him, securing the headphones he’d given her over her ears comfortably, nayeon allows herself to take in the computer screen in front of her, mind practically doing gymnastics as she looked at the program housing the older mans music. “i think i understand—”

♡ ₊˚ break the internet.

she looks at nayeon with a curious expression. “you know, i actually haven’t even thought of that.” when she posted the picture of them on her instagram, it hadn’t occurred to her that nayeon is still a private trainee, meant to be kept a secret from the general public until kt decided that it was time to reveal her. thankfully she didn’t reveal too much in her post — who’s to say that nayeon isn’t some random girl that yeri just happens to be close to? she doesn’t know a single normal girl who’s as pretty as nayeon is, but she supposes it’s not impossible.

“you’re right, i guess we can’t post these then.” she pouts at the missed opportunity of the selfies that they had taken and all the pictures she still has saved, but she supposes she can wait until nayeon becomes a public trainee. that would probably be a better idea anyways, because so many people commented on her post asking who her friend was, and it’s best not to feed into any rumors unless she wants her sns privileges taken away from her. “i’ll just save these in my camera roll then. maybe the world just isn’t ready for us.”

     despite still being a private trainee for the company, as far as nayeon was aware, yeri hadn’t been pulled aside and reprimanded for the photo, and it was still up on the younger girls account. in nayeons mind, especially since she also had yet to be scolded or punished for the photo being put up, she felt it was good to assume, technically, that they hadn’t really done anything wrong, so there wasn’t anything for the company to hold them accountable for. “i guess, since you didn’t really reveal anything other than that we’re friends, we haven’t broken any rules.”

♡ ₊˚ to lean on.

he knows she doesn’t mean to make his reasoning sound so little and whimsical but he has to chuckle bitterly at himself how stupid it makes him feel that really the only reason he signed was to be with the others. “not really, no,” he admits thus, looking at the ground below and admiring how tiny everything seemed from up here.

“I was a successful photographer. I had everything I could wish for. Money, fame, a stable career- the only reason I tried to go for this kind of career path was to venture into new territory and try to catch up the time I had lost so I could debut together with my friends,” jeongguk explains before inhaling another lungful of fruity smoke.

as he exhales he also exhales a long sigh and goes on. “I enjoy learning the arts of dancing, singing, rapping- performing in general but,” pursing his lips he shakes his head. “not like this. I don’t know how you all do it. the constant disapproval, basically feeling worthless and like no matter how hard you work, it’s all in vain because at best you just suck the least rather than actually ever receiving praise for something well done.”  

     his admission is one nayeon can’t help but feel both pity and admiration towards— jungkook is a good person, someone she sees as caring and hardworking and driven, and to know that his sole motivation was being driven by his friends...it shows his heart and nayeon is proud. but she knows how dangerous it can be do act solely based on those around you, rather than to act based on your own desires, and it does well to sadden her too. he’s kind, too kind for putting others before himself, and she knows that feeling well.

     “i hope it doesn’t sound like i’m stating the obvious because, believe me, that’s what i feel like i’m saying, but,” she begins, brows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think anyone should ever view themselves as being ready. especially in this setting, where everyone is constantly learning and trying to improve to receive praise, to think you’re ready can be so damaging once you don’t get the things you believe you’re owed.”

( 💌 ) IMRINNAS UPLOADED A NEW POST!

     the cafe is even cuter than she’d thought it might be.

rksihyeon​:

she wouldn’t say she has a lot of experience in modeling, but sia would like to think that she isn’t exactly bad at it.  after all, working as a beauty guru for years in and of itself is similar to modeling, and .. well, she did make it as an extra in the superstar kt commercials.  it doesn’t exactly scream experience, not like some  -  especially not like eunbi, who had a chance to walk down the runway for seoul’s fashion week or johnny who has appeared in magazine spreads and  in so many other places.  but even still, sia thinks that maybe, for once, this may be an evaluation that she’ll be able to get through without being critiqued too harshly.

nayeon seems a little more nervous than she is, though.  her lips turn down in a frown, because truthfully she thinks her girlfriend is the most photogenic between the two of them and the prettier one, too.  she’d be perfect for modeling, but the fact that she’s nervous? it doesn’t sit right with her.  " well .. i’ve never really been there, but from what i’ve seen …“ she pauses, biting the inside of her cheek.  ” i think it suits you well.  just let yourself be natural and in the moment .. you’re naturally beautiful, but you don’t want to be stiff because you’re trying so hard.“  her fingers reach out to pinch nayeon’s shirt, tugging her gently to her.  ” it’s okay to have fun with it, too.“

     sia’s sweet words strike nayeon with fervor,  her goofy expression giving way to a sickly love struck smile and blushing cheeks. it’s an expression sia never fails to pull out of her, and while it’d been a little embarrassing at first, now, nayeon loves to let her emotions show as blatantly as she’s allowed ( and, thankfully, sia is never one to deny her the chance to express herself ). receiving praise from not only someone she loves so much, but from someone as breathtaking as sia, truly does help in raising her confidence level. for that sort of bust in moral, nayeon is always thankful.

rklnaeun​:

she observes how charming the older female is ( naturally she was a trainee at kt ), she couldn’t help but wonder if she would one day have the same charm and confidence as nayeon has. when nayeon suggest they make thigns more comfortable and that naeun should call her unnie, she can’t help but smile a little– “a-alright…unnie,” a little hesitant but nevertheless she enjoys it and so far in kt, she feels fortunate to have met kind people. 

there was still the topic of her parents not knowing that she was a trainee but naeun hoped that they would be a little understanding, when they realized that she could balance everything and still do well in school ( she hopes ).

some might say that was a little too optimistic of her but she doesn’t care.

“no, i have never done this before– it’s all very new,” she nods her head slowly and smiles sheepishly at the older female for a moment, “hopefully i will get used to it sooner rather than later.” naun usually didn’t have trouble adjusting, this was just an odd feeling– to have auditioned and then to have been accepted based on her skills and not only her face.

“ a year–” the thoughts that float around in her head are more or less curiosities, wondering if she would be able to be a trainee for that long ( or if kt would not find her of enough value – ), “that is impressive though, maybe i’ll be here for a year as well,” she nods, now a little more excited then it hits her, maybe… just maybe she and nayeon would be able to debut in the same group if both of them manage to stick around for long enough.

     nayeon can’t help how happy it makes her to know the younger girl is already so comfortable with her presence— for as friendly and familiar she likes to become with new people, nayeon is aware not everyone views making new connections the same way that she does. maybe that’s why she feels an immediate kinship towards naeun, her openness being a wonderful pairing with nayeons love for getting close to others.

     “i’m sure you’ll get the hang of everything soon enough, it’s really great that so many of the trainees here are incredibly nice.” nayeon speaks fondly, reminiscing briefly back to when she’d first been brought into the company. everything had been brand new to her then as well, the idol life and all that it encompassed taking time to fully grasp and fall into, but with a year under her belt, nayeon felt she’s done well to earn her stay within the company so far. even if it never leads to anything, it’s an experience she’s glad to have. “you can always come to me, or really anyone you feel comfortable with, if you ever have questions or just want to talk. it can be a lot, but you’re not alone!”