don't tell me i'm sinking

rkheejin·:

( ✞* ) 

     before she recognizes it’s him, the arm suddenly hung over her shoulders makes her still for a moment, brows raising somewhat in disbelief because it was certainly a mans arm, and the only men she’d known well enough within spheres walls were an old flame and an old friend from school, both of which were busy with their lives as idols.

     it’s only as she’s turning to face him, distaste on the tip of her tongue, that she finally recognizes him. a brow is still raised, but her eyes no longer hold an annoyed fire behin them. “daniel— what brings you here?” her eyes narrow, but there’s no hostility. “i was ready to very discreetly curse you out.”

"discreetly," he laughs. he doesn't know what it would look like, but if anyone could pull off such a thing, it would probably be heejin. she's somehow both tough and elegant, always carrying herself with a confidence a daniel of last year was a little terrified of. she won the title of strongest vocalist during their skills round of the mgas, and daniel was selected as her partner soon after. daniel, in all of his insecurity, all of his lack of talent, paired with one of the most talented people in the competition.

they survived. they put together a performance they were proud of, and ended their week together with daniel comfortable, and maybe even considering heejin a friend. they didn't speak much after, both busy with their own lives. it's exciting seeing her here again. god works in mysterious ways, and daniel doesn't really believe in coincidences. it sounds too dramatic to say they were meant to meet again, but it's something like that.

"i'm a trainee," he answers simply with a grin. "i have been since november. 2020/11/11, to be exact." he realizes his arm is still over her shoulders then, and while he doesn't really mind, he also realizes they signed a contract that forbids dating and this could get them in trouble, so he untangles himself from her, content to simply walk beside her instead.

rkxroyal·:

woohyun beams wider, grinning at the confirmation of the other. he was worried he might have messed up the name– the mgas feel like so long ago, and along with everything else that’s been topped on convex’s plate, he wouldn’t be surprised if he mixed it up. it’s not the case though, and a little bit of relief settles in him. “i remember you a bit, from the mgas. not much though, i’m sorry.” he tacks on after a moment, a sorry twist to his smile.

he tilts his head, watching daniel talk– there’s a fond smile at the other’s reaction, eyes crinkling up into crescents as he smiles. he bites his lip to stifle the amused chuckle, and instead shakes his head. “i still like to try at least. we’re all a family right, sphere gallery and all that.” he reaches up to fiddle with the headphone cord around his neck, something to busy his hands with.

“ah! that’s right.” he claps his hands together, nodding along. he drops his hands a moment after. “i’ll walk with you,” he offers, tilting his head as he smiles brightly. “if that’s okay! i’m not in too much of a rush to get back, honestly.” he’s okay with these little moments of a break; where he can interact with others outside of convex for just a little bit, just to give him a change of scenery in a way. “how do you like it here?” he asks before he can help it. he hadn’t had much time to enjoy the life of a sphere trainee, thrown into the convex lineup right out of getting out of kt. he wonders if the experience is roughly the same or if there’s other things that are uniquely sphere.

woohyun has a nice smile. it's warm and inviting, and daniel wonders if a celebrity can really be so genuinely kind. he doesn't see any reason to doubt him, so he tries to relax into his sunbae's amiability.  at the mention of the mgas, he quickly shakes his head. "oh no, that's okay, it's, uh, probably for the best," he laughs a little, embarrassed, and maybe his face turns a little red. the mgas aren't yet a fond memory, closer to something he regrets, always associated with mocking strangers on the internet and mocking contestants in their interviews. daniel, guitar guy and nothing else. he'd rather that not be woohyun's first impression of him.

(then again, why is he so ashamed of it? he played the guitar so much because it was true to himself. is he really so desperate to hide that again?)

family. that would be nice. he misses that feeling: a family surrounding music. he's made some friends in sphere, but many of them left already, daniel abandoned in their dust, rebuilding. he knows he's not alone in this, though. all of the trainees that remain go through the same. maybe, in their union in this, they are a family of a sort, regardless of daniel's closeness or lackthereof with them. he simply nods in response, a soft smile on his lips.

his eyes widen momentarily at woohyun's offer to walk with him, but he ends up smiling once again, albeit hesitantly, and he nods once more. "sure."

rkxjiyeon·:

it is nice to actually being in korea once again yet not seoul somewhere more refreshing feeling that sea breeze air compare to the city. it wasn’t only heartz 1/3 all here with them, there was special addition which is daniel since he will be playing the role of the love interest in yena’s debut music video, it will be the first one to have actual another male in the video. since busan was his hometown it was only natural he became the girl’s resident tour guide to find out about the wonders of this place where no tourists would ever go. minhee was excited to take a look around busan since she really love exploring as all this travelling made her catch the travel bug. 

the idol happily enjoying the sights, the food, there is something about eating street food while looking around made her feel like a tourist. the moment she saw the beach seeing how peaceful it looked not many people around them which made her feel more content. daniel wasn’t lying she appreciate the calmness after such hectic schedule, she took deep breath in letting out relieved sigh before kicking off her shoes joining daniel on the sandy beach, wiggling her toes into the sand loving how they tickle her feet. she grabbed her shoes too, walking more onto the beach even spinning around as plays around on the sand. 

“this place is amazing! it is refreshing! thanks for showing me! how did you find this place?”

there was something melancholy about it: the sea air, familiar yet so distant, buried back in early, albeit fond, memories almost lost to time. he was on this very beach 15 years ago, and he looked around the long expanse of sand, wondering if he could remember where exactly he played the last time he was here. they always used this entry onto the beach, so surely it was nearby, but there was too much open space, all fit for beach chairs and towels. it makes him wish they came a little better prepared, and had a little more time for a full beach day, everyone included.

"well, i was born here," he states, but jiyeon already knows that, so he laughs at himself. for once-- for some reason --he isn't utterly crippled by the embarrassment of saying such a thing. maybe it's the sea breeze that makes him feel a little more comfortable on every level, anxiety subdued, even if it's only temporarily.

he wants to sit down in the sand and make himself at home again, but he figures he shouldn't ruin his clothes and bring sand back to his company provided hotel room. standing will have to do. "i wasn't the one to find this place," he answers more seriously. "it's just in my earliest memories. i used to come here with my family all the time."

eunwoo and ricky often used to join them, too. it's a thought that makes his heart ache, and almost makes him regret bringing it up. there are pleasant memories here, but also reminders of all that has changed: of he and ricky's strained relationship, of his distance from eunwoo, of his mother kicking him out of her house. he hopes there's still love there among it all. if they could, daniel would go back to those memories, and the simpler times, even today.

yuzurk​:

everything still seems so surreal to her. she’s in busan, filming her own music video. this is no cameo, she’s not just acting for someone else’s song. this is hers and hers alone. somehow it makes a wave of panic surge over her every time the realization sinks in and despite being the type to be a happy go lucky girl that likes to all in on things, she’s definitely not convinced of her own ability to actually pull this off well.

miraculously she does somehow though. at least for her solo shoots and the dancing scenes. shooting with the girls was easy as well but when it came to daniel yuzu just knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her laughter. he was her friend and honestly it was better him than any random stranger from sphere she had never talked to before. to be acting like she had a crush on him though never failed to crack her up.

she really does her best to not lose it when her face is hidden behind her manga and she can hear him footsteps walk towards her but the moment he taps on the manga and she has to look up the female manages two solid seconds before a smile curls the corners of her lips stubbornly upwards. “I’m sorry,” she says, knowing she screwed that take up before submitting herself to her laughter, going back to hiding her face behind her book.

this would be perhaps the most difficult take of all.

he's completely and utterly in the zone, ready to slay on his very first take when yena laughs. he's not irritated by it, though. if anything, he finds it funny too, even if he was ready to take the filming seriously when he stepped up to the counter.

"are you laughing at me?" he jokes, and he laughs too. "am i really that bad?" he suspects it's not that, even if he genuinely worries about it after kidding about it, as anxious as ever. he is ultimately inexperienced in this area, and where he was excited mere moments before, now doubt creeps in. why did they pick him over any other trainees that had more training than him, especially as far as acting went? no, he can do this. he isn't completely clueless, and maybe he can convince himself he has natural acting ability. after all, he faked a double life for more than a year, and pretended to have a twin brother that didn't exist. he wasn't found out until he revealed the truth himself, so that has to count for something, right?

it's fine. surely no one expects him to be perfect from the start, right? (no one other than daniel, of course.)

at least maybe he'll get the embarrassment out of the way quickly. he'll try to enjoy even this too, laughing through any awkwardness until they can execute the scene to the standards of the director. he wants to do well. he wants his own music video debut to be successful-- not to be a new running joke on the internet like he became on last year's season of the mgas. more than anything, he wants this to be something yena can be proud of. he doesn't want to embarrass her, even if she was the one to laugh this time.

                                                                                                ⊰ ◝ @rkxminhee ⊱

he doesn’t even know if he can say it’s strange being home. daniel hasn’t been to busan in years. he lived his earliest years in this city, his middle years in vancouver, and his years up until now in seoul, each nearly equal amounts of time now. he’s supposed to be a tour guide for the girls because of it, but he doesn’t really know where to bring them outside of the places he vaguely remembers from his childhood. of course, daniel being daniel, to try and avoid humiliating himself, he did research on his own hometown to get ideas of important places to show them. (ultimately, he realizes it may not matter, because they won’t have that much time anyway.)

the most important spot he wants to hit before going home is the beach, because some of his favorite memories are painted with it as a backdrop. he isn’t in the best beach attire, because it’s still a tour guide day, not just a beach day, but he still wants to hit it today before they return to their hotel. they’ll likely be too busy with heartz activities tomorrow.

after hitting haedong yonggungsa and biff square for food (and more sightseeing, of course), they arrive and songjeong beach, one of the least busy beaches in busan, and the one closest to where daniel lived in his childhood-- a spot his family frequented. 

                                                                                             ⊰ ◝ @yuzurk ⊱

he’s happy for yena. she’s debuting. it seems so fast, though, and it’s not that she isn’t ready, it just has him thinking. maybe part of it is being back in busan, the city he was born, making him a little more introspective. he’s more than excited at the opportunity to be in her music video, especially because they’re friends. he feels immensely lucky to be part of this moment with her, and he feels more comforted knowing it’s her he’ll be working with. hopefully she feels the same if she’s nervous, though yuzu doesn’t seem the type.  

he just can’t help but think of the fact that it’s been a year since an mgas, nearing a year since he was signed, and if yena could debut, he could too, even with how unprepared he feels.

that’s not the point, though. the point: it all starts here. the public will see him again after a year, and they’ll learn he’s signed to sphere. with that comes a lot of pressure, and it leaves him nervous. mixed with his eagerness for this chance, it leaves him feeling a little sick to his stomach. thankfully, he has a trusty water bottle with him, and he’s sure the nerves will die down after a couple takes of him humiliating himself with questionable acting.

actually, he doesn’t know if it’s better that yena is here or not. will he feel better with her company, or will it be even more embarrassing to mess up in front of someone aside from the production crew? no, it’s better. they’re in this together, and it’ll be a learning experience. thankfully, coincidentally (or perhaps not; maybe they saw potential in him and that’s why they chose him?), he’s been taking some acting workshops. he isn’t entirely inexperienced. he basically is, though.

he watches as yena goes through her shots, unable to keep from smiling most of the time. he springs up from where he’s seated when it’s his turn, still smiling. the first scene he’ll shoot is the one with him and yena together, and he thinks that’s a good place to start.

he tries to put on his best cool guy persona, and thankfully, he already has one. just a dash of cameo and he’ll be set.

hi!! so, to procrastinate doing anything else worthwhile, and to try and help others find trainees to do their evaluations with this month, i made a list of trainees’ birthdays and zodiac signs! this doesn’t include any idols or anyone confirmed to debut and preparing for it (selected heartz girls, nsg, etc.) it does include the heartz girls that are still trainees though, even though they can’t participate in the eval. hopefully this helps, or that it’s something interesting even if it doesn’t! it’s a long list, so i’ll put it under the cut.

It’s Wednesday morning on the 2nd when you are excused from your vocal practice and taken to a separate room. Once inside, you’re told to wait in silence for a moment before four people you haven’t met before walk in. The one on the front starts speaking.

“Good morning and sorry to interfere with your training. My name is Bang Boyeon, one of the senior dance instructors here in SPHERE. I’m also heavily involved with CONVEX and HEARTZ, the latest groups under our company.” She motions towards one of the men beside her - the only one wearing a suit - and he quickly starts meddling with his suitcase. “I’ve come to offer a unique opportunity for you to take part in the HEARTZ project. You, of course, won’t be debuting. Instead, you’ll appear in one of the music videos. You’ll still be invested in your regular trainee activities, but will also have to properly dedicate your time to learning your role.”

The man in a suit places a stack of paper on top of the table and pushes it in your direction. “This here is one of our lawyers, and if you’d like to take part in this great opportunity, you’ll have to sign a contract agreeing not to share a word about the debut plans for HEARTZ or your involvement in it. If you do so, not only will your place in SPHERE be on the line, but we will have the right to sue you. No pressure.” Boyeon chuckles.

“These other two gentlemen here are also in on everything that is happening. I won’t be available to you at all times, of course.” The two men nod your way. “Feel free to think about it throughout the day if you don’t want to accept this at the exact moment. It’d be foolish to pass on this, though. You’ll have until the end of your regular schedule to decide on this. Just let one of your coaches know and our lawyer will find you.”

has he ever been singled out like this before? naturally, daniel’s anxious mind starts whirring, cycling through every possible disastrous outcome. he can’t think of any other possibilities at first. every possible scene ends in contract termination, or some horrifying scandal that tarnishes his reputation for the rest of his life and leaves him unemployable and scorned by all of seoul. what could it be? what has he done? maybe it’s about his relationship with sungwoon. maybe, despite all of his hesitance, and the small number of people he told, and all indications pointing to nothing but friendship between them--

he realizes, only as they leave him, shaking and alone, in the room, that they could want him to join another company. after all, moonbok transferred to nova. what if they want the same for daniel? would he leave sphere to join nova entertainment? (would he leave mina, when she finally joined him here? he’s afraid the answer would be yes.)

hopefully it’s not that. but what if they want him to debut in convex? would that be good or a disastrous outcome? he doesn’t feel ready to debut, but joining the ranks of convex would be an honor. maybe, if baek jiyoung thought he was ready, he would have to believe it of himself too.

the first thing he receives is a good morning and an apology, and their expressions don’t look harsh. he must not be in trouble then. he smiles softly, close-lipped, and cups his hands in his lap to disguise the way they still shake even with this reassurance. the anticipation is still unbearable, and he feels a little nauseous. dance instructor? is he sure this isn’t to harp on his poor dancing? maybe it’s to praise him for improving?

he tries to quiet his thoughts and just listen. he inhales deeply, then exhales, trying to calm down. opportunity? this is unexpected, especially attached to the words that follow. heartz project? so he won’t be debuting, and he won’t be leaving. it’s a relief, and finally, the tightness in his chest loosens and he can breathe a little easier. in fact, even though some anxiety always lingers, much of it warps into excitement, and his smile, while still soft, grows.

his eyes widen as the man goes over the terms of the contract, and the dangers of betraying it, and he nods quickly, several times, the nonverbal equivalent of swearing up and down that he won’t say a word. he doesn’t want to get sued! even without that threat, he doesn’t want to ruin any of the surprise of the heartz girls debuting. he’s always been good at keeping his mouth shut, so this shouldn’t be too difficult.

he keeps nodding until boyeon stops speaking, because he agrees with everything he says, and he wants the man to know he understands. “i just need a minute, please,” he requests gently. even though his instinct is to sign the contract right away, he knows better, and makes sure to read all of the terms first, just so he knows what he’s agreeing to. it feels strange, not having anyone to seek approval from for this-- to be able to make a decision without consulting with anyone else.

the more he reads, the more thankful he becomes. he’ll get to go to busan. he’ll be rollerskating. he can’t help but think it’s a blessing directly from god, made just for him. thank you, he prays quickly. you’ve given me so much happiness lately. thank you. 

ultimately, the choice is an easy one to make, so he signs his name, and grins. when he stands up to return to his schedule, he’s sure to bow to everyone in the room individually. “thank you for this opportunity. i’ll make sure i do well!”

hi so as the title suggests, this is an eval call! daniel here is a sagittarius! my plan is to collect as many sags in a group as i can, and then we can decide a fitting song together. hopefully that’ll work well ASDFSDGSD please consider joining us 😊

whether you join or not, i know Some Things about astrology and want to share my knowledge about the sagittarius sign in case you need some help deciding on songs, and to give anyone that may join this group some guidance to start Thinking.

sagittarius is a fire sign. they’re incredibly optimistic, free-spirited and fun, kinda wild, and they hate to be tied down by anything. they’re noncommittal and love their freedom; they’ll get really upset if it’s threatened. they don’t like being bossed around and they’re unabashedly themselves basically all the time. they are Loud, not necessarily literally, but in presence and energy. they’re adventurous and honest, too.

what i’ve got as far as songs go is the vague idea of something fun, energetic and daring. my first thought is maybe, perhaps, pirate king or treasure by per_se? like a true sagittarius (even though i am not one), i am not committing to anything as far as song choices go until i gather more of you ❤️ my plan is to toss everybody into a twitter group dm to discuss all of this, so just say the word if you’re down!!

so far we have: daniel, @rkpcy​ and @rksungmin​

rksuas·:

( ✞* ) 

she freezes when she hears his voice carry to her.  at first, sua remains quiet although she turns to face him, tilting her head enough that her hair falls easily over her shoulder.  daniel still talks a lot to fill all the spaces around them even though it’s been months.  that much hasn’t changed.  " i’ve been busy.“ she finally replies, the tenseness in her shoulders releasing.  ” though i guess that’s obvious.“ a sigh escapes her lips when she reaches up to tuck her hair back behind her ear.  this time, she’s grateful he hasn’t brought anything up.  just dancing.

” you said that you improved the last time, and i’m sure that you remember what i said then, too.“ sua says with her brow raised.  ” are you sure you have something good to show me?“

"i know," daniel replies with a soft smile. he doesn't know what the girls involved in the heartz project do, but he knows it occupies much of their time, and likely even more of their energy. he suspects he'll find out more details from mina soon though, now that she's included, though that may be another secret she's happy to keep from him. he wouldn't mind either way. ultimately, it doesn't concern him outside of some minor worry for his friends' mental and emotional stamina. he thinks of chungha telling him she wanted to leave because of the project, and he nearly frowns. is it hard on sua too? he won't ask; instead, he'll assume it is, and act accordingly. is there any way to lighten this load? has anything gotten better for her since that time he brought lunch to that practice room for her? he hopes so, but if it took him a year to rebuild following the mgas, he can only suspect sua is still going through her own kind of healing.

he doesn't know how to help. he doesn't know if his own happiness will be contagious or grating, or if there's any way for him to spread it at all, but he'll show her kindness as he always does. he would offer to do something fun with her after training too, but he doesn't want to risk sua getting in trouble again, so he won't do that either. sphere-only activities it is.

he tries to think: what did he need last summer when his world was falling apart, and what did he want from anyone else after? stability, maybe. he wanted something that would stay. he needed nights spent over a notebook and guitars, nights penning songs instead of sleeping, nights throwing them away when he remembered there wasn't a point. there was no band to perform his songs with, no album to put them on one day, no future that a grieving daniel could see. in retrospect, it was a little silly, but maybe he shouldn't be so hard on himself. maybe that kind of grief was what he needed.

he wonders where sua is in the process, and where she'll be in a year, and if she'll be happy. he hopes so. (he wonders what she needs and what she wants from anyone else.)

as far as he knows, though, dancing is something sua loves, and he doesn't think you can go wrong with filling your life with something you love during difficult times. it doesn't matter how long they last.

there's plenty of room for him to hesitate, and maybe he does. there's still plenty of room to doubt and to second-guess, as he always does, but maybe sua's question is a test. are you sure you have something good to show me? is he? maybe he shouldn't think about it as much as he does, but he wouldn't be daniel without overthinking. good is questionable. better? yes, he's sure. he doesn't know whether it's delusional to answer yes in general-- if it's hubris to think he's good at dancing now, but still: "yes," he says, nod that follows it firm. in the worst case scenario, she'll be disappointed. she'll rail on him and tell him he hasn't improved at all, that he's still a weak dancer, still too stiff and rigid, still clumsy. she'll give him scalding criticism that pushes him to be stronger again. he's worked hard, though. he knows he's better. there's no way he practiced day in and day out to show her the same poor performance he showed her the first time.

he wants to tell her how hard he practiced since the first day in sphere she saw him dance; she wants her to see his determination, but he decides he'll put that desperation into the moves when he shows her. passion. it's what she told him he lacked last time, and he doesn't want to make that mistake again. back then, he swore he wasn't a dancer, and didn't think he ever would be. he thought he was simply pretending to be someone he wasn't. now, though? he wants to be. now, he knows being a dancer doesn't mean sacrificing any other part of himself; it just means making it a part of him too. he is a dancer now. whether he's a good one or not is up for debate, but he thinks he found what was missing before. he hopes sua will be able to see it too.

mxnark·:

one of the things she’s thankful for is how daniel has always been a good brother to her. maybe too good, especially considering the fact that most of the time, mina has acted like a demon spawn to him. or really a little sibling to him. either way, he has to witness half if not most of her wild shenanigans growing up and even now counts as proof. of course, she’s the one who lost in this situation, but mina will take this L even if it’ll hurt her pride more than she would want it to. to be honest, it was bold of her to assume she’d win such a bet. 

she groans at his response, not even trying to hide how she was not at all excited at that response. she wishes she can complain and instead tell the artist to draw something else. maybe something less humiliating for her, considering the fact that she’s putting it somewhere most people would be able to notice. but, this is her punishment for not keeping her end of the bet. not to mention, she’s too full to eat anything more from the basket to continue to try and prove herself. even if she did that, it’d be cheating and daniel won fair and square, thanks to his driving skills. 

she sighs and looks over at the artist. “what he said. kang daniel is the best and i smell like socks. please.” the tattoo artist gives her a strange look, but complies to the request. she looks over at the other with an awkward, fake smile and a thumbs up similar to posing for a picture of a regretful decision. she turns back to the artist for a quick second to say something else to her. “if you could, could you make it as small as you can? only if that’s not a bother.” 

she looks back to him as the artist begins drawing on her arm with the air brush. “congrats, by the way. for getting your win, i mean,” she says with a genuine smile this time. “do you want to do anything else to congratulate your win? because i don’t think there’s much left food in the basket.” there’s a cheeky grin that follows right after because while she didn’t win, she still got benefitted from it in a way. 

mina's reaction makes him laugh, and he's about to tell her he's only kidding when she tells the tattoo artist exactly what he just said. his eyes widen, but the vengeful older brother in him gives him pause. daniel, as weak and easily humiliated as he is, has endured an entire lifetime of mina embarrassing him, both intentionally and otherwise. it comes with the territory of having such an extroverted, shameless little sister. would it be so bad to make her endure this punishment for losing the bet? mina did bring it upon herself.

he's pretty sure that's not what jesus would do, however, and considering daniel is supposed to follow that example and is trying to more now that he's not lying to everyone he knows about his identity, he should probably do differently. "you don't have to put all of that," he corrects the artist. "just 'kang daniel is the best' works. thank you." luckily, the tattoo artist has to start at the beginning of the sentence, so by the time daniel says so, it's not too late to change it. if he was too late, then...oh well? (mina is lucky he's so nice.)

he laughs again at her thumbs up, and if anything, mina gets credit for being a good sport about it. part of him is surprised she's not complaining the whole way, but she probably realizes this was all her idea to begin with. daniel never would've come up with something like this on his own-- never really wanted anything to do with the bet anyway --so this is ultimately all mina's doing. maybe she really is getting more responsible as she gets older.

rksevngah·:

sooyoung looks at him confused when he talks about the youtube cover, “i’m talking about when you debut silly,” she muses and she smiles warmly at him, nodding her head slowly. she knew the rules for idols were different than when she was a trainee, things would be a little stricter for her now but there would have to be some loop hole she could do, “”we could also just play together in the practice rooms, until that day comes,” she nods– knowing that there will be times where she doesn’t promote and have a more lax schedule than the trainees have.

“i’d love to hear how you have improved,” she nods, remembering how much he challanged himself both during the fourth and fifth season of the mgas, “you improved so much in a year, so i think now you should have improved even more.

it all felt a little bitter sweet to her debuting now, when she had finally found out that daniel was a trainee– she was debuting but she had a small hope that one day he would also debut, why wouldn’t he? especially if he got the opportunity to do so.

“we could also go karaoke if that suits you a little better, either in or outside the company~ i’m sure that would be fun as well,” it was no secret that she liked to go karaoke, it was a great way for her to release stress and everything else that came with it, “tell me when you are free and we can find a proper time to go out!”

debut? oh, yeah, that is the goal, isn’t it? but is it daniel’s goal? he still doesn’t know. it’s hard to imagine. when he does, he feels out of his element-- out of place, like he’s pretending to be someone he isn’t once again, but even less him than cameo was. it’s strange, because here he is, training to be an idol for approaching a year, performing in all the ways an idol does, yet he doesn’t feel cut out for it. if he thinks about it too hard, he doesn’t think he has a right to be here at all, like he’s stealing an opportunity from someone else more dedicated.

he tries not to think about it too hard, least of all now. he loves training. he loves learning about music every day, and he’s surely not good enough to debut now. there’s plenty of time for it to become his dream. “oh yeah,” he laughs lightly at his own confusion. “that would be nice. we should definitely just play here when you have time though, in the meantime.” just in case i never debut like you’re hoping. 

daniel flops between confidence in his own improvements and a near debilitating worry that he hasn’t grown at all. in the face of seungah wanting to see it herself, he feels a lot of pressure and nerves. no, he knows he improved-- in dancing, at least, but that’s not really what she wants to know, is it? hopefully after professional training, his singing is better too. it has to be, right? “i hope so.”

                                                                                                    ⊰ ◝ @rkheejin ⊱

he sees her at lunch hour, but she doesn’t see him. she’s busy, talking to one of the other trainees, appearing as in her element as heejin always has to daniel.

it comes as a surprise. after all, everyone knew heejin was a trc trainee following the mgas. it wasn’t a secret. there could be no mishaps, but by now, after seeing seungah here, and her debuting under sphere, maybe he should know better. is heejin here for the same reason? has she been here this whole time and he just didn’t see her before? no, sphere isn’t that big. the heartz project did add mina, so maybe they brought more girls from other companies too, or maybe it’s just something else entirely.

either way, here’s heejin, his first partner on the second season of the mgas. it’s been more than a year since their first working together. he always secretly hoped they could reunite and collaborate again, but never brought it up to her, the aftermath of the mgas and empty enigma’s disbandment too hard on him, then giving way to training not long after. it’s funny that he was so afraid of her then, intimidated by her talent, but now, even with the dismal associations he has with the fifth season of the mgas, he’s just happy to see her.

he doesn’t want to be creepy; he just wants to surprise her. he never told heejin he was a trainee, let alone in sphere, so it’ll be fun-- one of the better surprises he’s been responsible for. he hopes so, anyway.

once they’re safely in the hallway, daniel sidles up to her and slings an arm over her shoulder. immediately after he does, he realizes it might make her uncomfortable, and subsequently forgets whatever witty thing he intended to say. typical.

✞ SPOP MC AUDITION * august 16th, 2020

he tried out to be an spop mc once before. it was so shortly after he became a trainee, and he wasn't hurt when he didn't receive the role whatsoever. he nearly didn't try out, knowing he had no chance of success, but other trainees encouraged him to, so much like many things in his life, he decided to do it for the experience. it was a fun experience, too; it helped him realize he might enjoy acting, once he wasn't so focused on improving his dancing.

strangely enough, he's been taking a few acting workshops here and there when the new spop mc auditions are announced. he could see it as some sort of sign from god, but daniel doesn't; he just sees it as another chance to show he's improved since last time. it also marks more than six months of him as a trainee, which is a very bizarre thought. thankfully, he has confidence he improved. he doesn't look back on his time before sphere and wonder six months for what? maybe, a daniel with the mindset of a few months ago would. now, however, he's spent the past month happy. his sister is in sphere, even if heartz keeps her busy. he willingly danced for his last evaluation and didn't fail. this month, the evaluation is something new and different, which daniel is always willing to try, and it excites him.

he has hope for august, and he has hope for his audition too. it's not irrational hope, however; he doesn't think he'll be disappointed even if they decide someone else is more fit for the position than he is. he just doesn't think he'll be pathetic. surely he'll be better than last time, at the very least. he still doesn't know if he has what they're looking for, but it doesn't hurt to try.

his partner is someone unfamiliar to him, which is a risk, but neither of them had partners, and he asked daniel first. what was daniel, chronic people pleaser, going to do, say no? of course not. he said yes, and they spent their weeks running over their scripts. it felt awkward at first to do with a relative stranger, but daniel also figured it was more realistic this way. what were the chances of knowing his mc partner if he were to be selected? likely not very high. it was good to practice this way just in case, so he'd be better prepared.

of course, he's getting awfully ahead of himself picturing himself as an mc already. first, there's the audition.

he sits outside the audition room, leg bouncing nervously, script in his lap, running over and over the lines, lips moving along with them. he doesn't know why he's so nervous, but he tries not to think about it. instead, he tries to do what he did for his last evaluation-- the one he was proud of --and closes his eyes. he focuses on the energy he brought onto stage with empty enigma, that feeling of being someone else and putting the anxious daniel behind him. really, this isn't so unlike that. he'll be acting once again. there will be no music, but he doesn't have to be himself at all, and maybe there's no harm in finding relief in that once again.

the instructor calls their names, and daniel rises, wandering into the audition room. he inhales deeply, then stands beside his partner.

the show they were assigned to is weekly idol, which thankfully, daniel has actually seen an episode of. he watched even more in preparation for this audition, to get a better feel for what he needed to do, and now, he's...not exactly confident, but he knows he's done his best up until now, and has faith he'll do his best in the audition, too.