#rkmay20eval

@danielxrk

It’s a little while until their daily practice session for the evaluation begins, but Moonbok’s already in the room. He idly tucks a bang behind his ear as he peruses the line distribution. He hums the melody softly under his breath until he comes to his part, then he begins to sing out loud.

He could do with the practice, after all. Since the MGAs, he hasn’t actually sang for a performance at all, either just rapped or danced. This is a slightly new experience, but one he’s enjoying.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the door opening and he raises a hand in greeting as he continues to sing. Not that he’s trying to ignore whichever of his teammates has entered, but he’s hit his stride now and he can’t just cut himself off in the middle of a verse. Though once he reaches the end of his part, Moonbok looks up to greet his teammate properly, grinning when he realizes it’s Daniel.

Even by just looking at the younger boy, Moonbok can tell that Daniel seems to be in a much more comfortable headspace that he has been over the past few months. He’d always actually wanted to talk properly to the younger boy, to help him though whatever issues he’d seemed to be going through at the time. But between evaluations and Moonbok’s own depressive episodes, he’d never had the chance to broach the subject with Daniel.

Something he’s ashamed of and hopes he can make up for.

As it is, Moonbok quickly clears a space for the other boy to join him at the table, grinning even more brightly when Daniel takes a seat. 

After all performances are done, trainees are told to wait quietly while CEOs and coaches of all companies gather in a corner of the auditorium with their notes to evaluate the performances and pick the winners of the day. It takes them around fifteen minutes to discuss everything and after some debate they all seem to agree on the names. 

Trainees are now instructed to go on stage for the results and from up there is clear that not all CEOs are happy with the outcome. Hyun Bin is the one with the microphone. “We expected more of today’s performances but it seems like most of you tried to play safe.” The first words are not the most encouraging, but he continues. “I won’t go into details right now. The coaches will do their best to share our thoughts later when you’re back to practice. Some of you really need it.” 

The microphone is handed to Sphere’s CEO whose expression is a little brighter. “I’ll announce the winners.” She says, looking down at the notes. “Let’s start with the girls! The winners are KT and Royal. Congratulations, we enjoyed your performances!” A round of applause before the woman reveals the other winners of the night. “As for the boys, TRC team 1 and Nova won the battles for your CEOs’ contentment and our last winner is... KT again. Congratulations!” More applauses follow the announcement.

Lee Daehwi ft. @rksxngyeol​, @rktaeyang​ & @rkxskm​ Performing Boy in luv & Danger & I need you by madtown Guitar arrangement by Sungyeol ft Taeyang & Seokwoo Lyrics reference

The prospect of a competition within the companies was kind of exciting to day the least. Daewhi would have thought he’d have enough of competitions by now, but he could feel the bubbling sensation in his stomach whenever he thought about having to pit themselves against other people. In the end there was probably nothing to lose but the prize for winning seemed pretty interesting. It wasn’t that he had been a trainee for long and was already longing for the time off that wasn’t granted to them usually, but he was sure that some of his seniors that he had to work with had such a sentiment. So he was definitely going to do his best. Only problem was just that at the end of the day, Daehwi was more of a dancer than a vocalist and this time he would not be evaluated for it even if he did dance.

“ Sometimes you had to have differences to come out as a team together. ”

@yuzurk

the notion that they are supposed to treat this evaluation as competition is something that fuels a fire from within her. jisoo had always been competitive; sometimes frighteningly so. while the levels with which how far she is willing to go just to win at something had significantly decreased over the years, that does not mean it was completely relinquished.

case in point: practicing her lines until she is positive that everything is as perfect as it should be.

✞ MAY EVALUATION * VOCAL PERFORMANCE ; EGOTISTIC x with SPHERE BOYS ( @rkvok​ @rksungmin​ @chrxsrk​ ) june 1st, 2020

may is a difficult month. he starts it in the gutter, heavy with his hardest goodbye yet and failure in the prior month’s evaluation. he can’t help but feel sorry for himself and marinate in pity at first, paralyzed by grief and self-doubt once again, as he always seems to circle back to. was he really good enough to be a trainee? was he good enough for someone to stay? was he good enough for anything? (he kept circling back to the same answer: no.)

if he learned anything from the mgas, it was to not let his own feelings get in the way of the success of the group. one of the sharpest memories in his mind is yeji and jinyoung’s frustration with him, their scolding and scalding comments as they tried to force him off the floor into something more useful to their team. the last thing he wanted was to go back to that time, and to burden the few boys that were in sphere with the same daniel when they needed him.

so he chokes it back; he smiles, and puts on a chipper air, and if they can tell a difference, they don’t question him. besides, there is something a little genuinely uplifting about making a new arrangement for a song by one of their sunbaes, highlighting different instruments, recording a new backtrack. there’s something sincerely exciting about performing in an auditorium in the seocho complex instead of just a practice room, in front of a crowd and the ceos. 

he tells moonbok it’s funny that they’re competing against trc’s boys when trc’s concept was the other daniel had to exemplify in the mgas, and it is. funnier still is the fact that this setting isn’t so unlike the mgas without the cameras: competing audience, ceos watching from afar, ready to make their judgments. something in daniel clicks despite all of his insecurity-- some sudden determination. maybe it’s the experience falling into place, like second nature now, his mindset already shifting into what it needs to for success in a competitive setting. maybe it’s just that familiar desperation to prove he’s gotten better. maybe he wants to perform in front of the ceo judges and make them regret rejecting him for two seasons in a row.

eventually, as the month and practices stretch on, and he gets to focus on the aspects of music he likes the best, his smiles aren’t so rehearsed. he convinces himself of them, and he feels lighter. maybe part of it is woong’s reminder that god never gives you more than you can handle, and his own realization that comes hand in hand: there are still so many blessings left. 

one of them: a group of creative, talented boys he really likes singing with. it’s hard to spend time with them without thinking of the ones that left, all people he considered friends, maybe moreso than those remaining, but there’s still them. they’re still here together, and preparations for the evaluation are fun, and for as scared as he is to get used to this, he knows he could.

surprisingly, when it’s their turn to set foot on stage, he doesn’t really feel nervous. if he thinks about it, however, the nerves are right below the surface, with his ever-lacking confidence, so he doesn’t think about it. instead, he thinks about empty enigma shows, and cameo, and how much he could use him now to put on the best performance he can. 

they don’t dance, even when the music begins. instead, they hold their poses, the acoustic guitar and bass of the self-recorded backtrack ringing out in the auditorium. daniel makes sure his stare is intense, hopefully captivating, hopefully lacking in nothing.

he starts them off. 

           2020 ♡ MAY EVALUATION        why so lonely ∘ wonder girls h.a.m 

rose is weighed down by a guitar, slung across her shoulder. for once, she’s enthused and bright eyed. the month of may had come to a close and it’s pending evaluation was about to begin. it’s no secret that the feelings between the royal girls and their thoughts on the evaluation are mixed. some are excited while others are excited for it to all be over. and it wasn’t to say that this month hadn’t been challenging, because it had been. but everyone had done their best to work together and reach out when they needed it. it wasn’t easy being out of one’s element, rose knew that for a fact. dancers felt unsettled sitting for a whole song and not being able to move their body. rose felt secure with her guitar in her grasp, a luxury she had stripped from her some while ago.

the girls assemble and find their places for their evaluation, sitting together in somewhat of a half moon shape. rose’s guitar occupies her lap while yuzu manages her cajon, a newer instrument for her but one she managed to pick up rather successfully. yuzu counts them in, down from four and the two of them set the pace for their performance, playing an acoustic rendition of h.a.m’s iconic song, why so lonely. jiwoo opens the song with her sweet vocals. rose taps her head and foot to the beat, keeping herself in check with yuzu. her eyes drift between the coaches and the other girls, and obviously to the instrument in her hands. and before rose knows it, it’s her turn.

baby why i’m so lonely, i’m so desperate, but you’re not. baby no, my heart, i don’t know when you will leave me.

the chorus isn’t difficult for rose to sing, it’s definitely within her range. it comes easy to her. her voice is clear, but soft and sweet. it’s somewhat of a relief that she’s left with the chorus because for a whole song she can focus on doing what she really loves. not that playing guitar involved much focus because rose could play with her eyes closed. she listens to the other girls sing and rap, and rose can’t help but feel overwhelmingly proud. to think that some of the girls were so hesitant and uncertain about this evaluation, and now look at them. rose was starting to think that they might actually have it in the bag to win this thing if they keep it up. 

@rkxjongsuk

among all of the trainees in total, he and jongsuk are among the most senior, having been there for longer than most of the other trainees. despite this, he can count the number of evaluations they’ve done together on one hand---at least, of those he can remember. this doesn’t include, of course, company wide evaluations, but even if those were included, he still doesn’t think it would be that much. it’s a sad thought to think about, all things considered, but he’s glad that he’s getting the chance to do this one with him, especially since it gives them a chance to see how they’d be if they were to be put into once cohesive unit.