Zombie

tw for brief mentions of surgery and death

Well, as much as it pains me to say so, Dowoon’s time at RK has come to an end. After months of me trying to revive his muse, including changing his faceclaim and trying to shake up his interests and throw him into opportunities he’d never have thought of two years ago, it’s time to admit that this is simply where Dowoon’s story ends.

It’s sad and part of me hates that I’m doing this, but it’s for the best. This genuinely the best time for me to let him go. To everyone who ever interacted Dowoonie and help me build his character from a shy little sick boy who was pretty much out of hope and ready to die to the dorky drummer he leaves as today, thank you so so much <3 <3 <3

More rambly reasoning and post-drop info under the cut, but no obligation to read!

@rkserim

Dowoon has to admit, despite the the vibes Serim gave off when he’d first met the younger, he hadn’t been the headache Dowoon had initially feared he would be. Sure there was still some cheekiness and the kid sometimes did or said things that made Dowoon do a double-take, but his fears of Serim being a carbon-copy of his little brother were unfounded.

For now, at least.

It’s lunch time and Dowoon is filling up his plate at the cafeteria, getting a bit more than usual given that they have a three and half hour dance practice session once lunch ends. And unlike Serim, Dowoon doesn’t have boundless energy.

Spying the younger boy at one of the tables, Dowoon makes his way over to him, grinning as he reaches the tables and nods at the empty seat.

@rkhongjoong

Certain things had become a routine for Dowoon at this stage. Such as staying late at Royal during weekends to practice his drumming or singing in peace, without a coach to pass comment his in performance. (Not that he didn’t appreciate it, but sometimes Dowoon just wanted to drum to a beat that existed only in his head. Or sing anime OSTs without Daehwi giving him grief.) Grabbing whatever leftovers from the cafeteria and supplementing them with convenience store snacks for a makeshift dinner until he decided he was going home was another routine.

But the most constant, and by far his favourite, was finding Hongjoong in the almost empty corridors after most of the others had gone home for the day. In a sense, Dowoon couldn’t really call meeting up with the older boy a routine as such, because it was often by chance that their paths would cross. But he figured that the fact as random as their meetings were, the fact that they usually happened during relative silence of weekend evenings was enough to consider it a routine. In a way.

(It makes sense in Dowoon’s mind, at least)

It’s one such evening when their paths cross again. Laden with a bag full of snacks and treats that would probably cause both his coaches and his doctor to complain, Dowoon is about to duck into an empty practice room when he spots a very familiar silhouette walking toward him. Grinning, Dowoon meets Hongjoong just as the other is about to walk past the door.

“Hyung! It’s been a while~” And it has, apart from quick waves shared in the corridors during the day, Dowoon has barely seen Hongjoong over the last few weeks. (They must be getting ready for a comeback or something.) His smile turns a little shy as he offers a cereal bar to the older boy.

rkxbin​:

[...]

but, as the other always seems to do at just the right time, dowoon comes to rescue him not long after. biting his lip, he’s unsure of where to begin, but the other starts for him, and he finds himself laughing at the joke.

“you know,” he starts a bit gruffly, before clearing his throat, “i actually made that same joke with jibeomie not too long ago. it’s good.”

fiddling with his fingers a bit awkwardly, he adds, “thank you, though. your performance was good, too. i guess we both learned how to do bright concepts after hey, huh?”

smiling a little bit at the recollection of their collaboration in a previous evaluation, changbin finds himself lifting his head just a little bit higher now that the other was with him. 

With Changbin’s reponse to his ‘joke,’ Dowoon isn’t sure if that means he has a good sense of humor or that Changbin’s is bad, but he grins nevertheless in response and leans back on his arms.

“Dammit, and here I was thinking I was being all original. Guess I really should reconsider the day job as a comedian, hm?” he replies with a laugh, shaking his head. “Probably for the best, the only one that laughs at what I do is Daehwi, and that’s usually because I’m suffering.”

The tips of Dowoon’s ears redden as Changbin returns his compliment and his smile turns for self-depreciating to slightly shy. And yet, beneath the shyness, there’s a hint of pride, too.

“Thanks, Changbin-ah. And I guess..... I don’t feel so dumb performing songs like that since Hey, y’know? Still, it would have been cool to be able to do something like Hey for this eval too.” He pauses and laughs a little.

“Then again, this place probably isn’t best suited to instruments.”

Another comfortable silence falls between them for a few moments, with Dowoon watching his brother play around with their group mates before turning back to his fellow trainee.

“Kinda wish we didn’t have to be here all afternoon.” he admits quietly, figuring that the younger boy probably felt the same. “I mean, I get this is a treat and all for us, but.... I’d kinda prefer to back at Royal getting some drumming in.... or at home napping.” the last comment is delivered with a sheepish laugh.

jsominrk​:

She listens to the male, the corners of her lips tugging upwards because she knows she can definitely relate to the experiences. “The staff have eyes everywhere, no matter how you look at it. I don’t think I got the company in a ban, probably just me. I forgot to put the hashtags on a teaser post of a dance collaboration I was doing with a friend, so you can imagine how that turned out. He ended up getting in trouble for it too so…” She laughs sheepishly at the memory.

It had been a simple hand-holding picture for a dance cover of Erase by Hyolyn, but… the quick post had been come back to kick her in the ass for it. But the more she thinks about the words he says, the more she wonders that about herself.

“What’s the strictest thing they’ve done around here?”

Maybe she’d be able to withstand them, but that doesn’t mean she intends to defy the coaches completely. Before, she had been so wholeheartedly devoting herself to Nova, willing to do whatever they wanted before she started to take her musical direction and let them see what she could do with the right kind of push, rather than the content they wanted to see. Of course, there was no room for creative direction in a company like that, or like this. All she could do was prove that she had so much to offer, and not live by that stupid number that ruled her entire trainee life at Nova.

“Wait… the Triple Threat? The one a few years back or the one last year?” She had taken part in both, but she would’ve seen him either way. “…Have we met before?”

"Tell me about it. Some days I’m almost afraid to sneeze wrong in case they decided to take it up the wrong way...” Dowoon snarks, only half joking. (Then again, his reasons for hiding any budding sniffles are far more serious than he’ll let on to anyone else.) “But urgh~! I’m sorry something like that happened to you too. I mean, I get why they get so wound up about it, but...” he trails off briefly.

“Sometimes their reactions just feel so over the top.”

Dowoon pauses at Somin’s questions, eyebrows furrowed a little as he thinks. He know how other companies have reacted to similar scandals, CONVEX’s expulsion of Romeo still coming to the forefront of his mind even a year and a half later. But as for Royal....

He’s been pretty sheltered so far from anything overtly strict, bar that little mishap at the start of the year.

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I mean, I don’t really interact with the coaches or other staff all that much unless--” he breaks off as Somin suddenly latches on to the Triple Threat competition, his eyes widening a little at her reaction. 

Could that be why she looked so familiar....?

“I... I was in the one held last April, in Yongsan-gu.” he replies a little hesitantly, his ears going red. “I performed Just Right and I was scouted by Royal on my way home after the results...” he trails off again.

RK S-POP TRAINEE MC AUDITION Yoon Dowoon - Royal Entertainment (+npc trainee) Date: August 16th 2020 Outfit: x (But with black jeans instead of shorts) Gif credit: x

When it comes to this audition, it’s a matter of pride and principle for Dowoon. He comes from a family of journalists, after all. His mother is a reporter who has had her fair share of television appearances and his stepfather is a news cameraman for KBS. Even when he was sick and used dreams of becoming an idol to escape the dreariness of his hospital, there was always a part of Dowoon that had wanted to follow in their footsteps too. (Granted, more so his mother’s that his stepfather’s, but only because he preferred writing and researching to lugging camera equipment around.) He’d even been accepted to Syungkyunwan University’s Journalism and Mass Communication program before his duties as a Royal trainee meant he’d had to defer. Again.

So for him to let an opportunity like this pass him by would be a betrayal of everything he’d studied for and been brought up with. Sure it, it wasn’t the serious journalism he’d hoped for, but media is media and you have to start somewhere.

jsominrk​:

She’s flustered by the fact that he starts calling her seonbae, and she’s at a complete loss for words. “U-Uhm, please! You don’t have to call me that! I mean, it’s been a while since I was last here, so I’m back to being a hoobae now, so please don’t call me that!” Oh gosh, she wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she decided to tell him that.

Somin doesn’t know what to do, except nudge at his shoulders with a sheepish smile to stop him from bowing any further. “I don’t know how Royal’s system is like, so I’d really appreciate the help.” She motions on to the path ahead of them, her smile softening. “After you, seonbaenim?” She can’t begin to imagine how strict her new coaches will be, though she remembers the one time she got in trouble alongside Wonwoo a few years back. “How long ago did you get signed?”

Dowoon isn’t sure whether to be relieved or not that Somin seems to be equally flustered at how he reacted to her statement about being a former trainee. As it is, he runs his hand through his hair in agitation as she calls him a sunbae instead.

It feels weird, but Dowoon didn’t want to correct her and sound rude, especially when she insisted that he shouldn’t address her as a senior, despite her technical seniority.

What a mess.

“Ah, I’ve been here just over a year... I was scouted just after the TRC Triple Threat thingy... even though I still don’t get why they thought I was worth scouting.” he finally admits with a laugh, ears still tinged red. “So trust me, you don’t have to call me a sunbae either. I’m still working on even being worthy of a title like that.” Eventually the tension in his shoulders eases as they walk down the hall.

rkrose​:

rose really hadn’t expected for royal girls to actually win the grand prize, the grand prize being a weekend away in the city of busan. especially not after joking around with lisa about betting on it. nonetheless, the weekend away was a good pause, an opportunity for refresh. although it wasn’t nearly long enough because returning to royal entertainment on the monday almost felt cruel. still, she was back in her comfort zone, tucked away in her instrument class for the day, guitar occupying her lap because it’s what she’s most comfortable with. 

she always liked instrument class, always. from the moment she joined royal entertainment up to now, and probably beyond. rose found comfort in getting to spend a piece of her day playing her guitar. it was a way for her to clear her mind and refresh her thoughts, although of late even her favourite class isn’t doing much for her. absentmindedly, guitar still in hand, rose shuffles past dowoon, who sits at his drum kit. “oh, dowoon!” rose chimes. she felt like she hadn’t seen the younger in forever ( although she saw him daily, she just hadn’t been paying much attention to anyone except her training of late ). “busan was really nice. refreshing, i think it’s what we all needed.” she adds with a smile and a nod of the head.

“it’s a shame you guys didn’t get to come with.” rose says , fiddling with the strap of her guitar case. it would of been nice to have a royal vacation. their evaluation vacation looking back was now a treasured memory of rose’s. “anyway, how have you been? keeping outta trouble?”

Any sour feelings Dowoon had felt towards how the evaluation had ended up panning out for him and Changbin had faded away by now and he simply gives an airy wave in response, smiling.

“Can’t be helped. I guess luck just wasn’t on our side, that’s all.” Because if there’s one thing he’s still certain of, it’s not down to a lack of talent that they’d come second. He’s still proud of their performance. Besides, given the people he knew live in Busan (namely, his biological father), it probably worked out of the best in the long run. “I’m glad you and the others had fun, though. Busan is the best at this time of the year, y’know?” he finishes sincerely.

Leaning against the kit, Dowoon laughs and grins at the older girl. “You know me.” he jokes, running a hand through his bangs. “I’m keeping my head down, even with all the good gossip going around. Don’t want another ban, ‘specially when I have a cover in mind...” he trails off with a slightly guilty smile. It’s going to take a lot longer to get over being one of the people who got the entire company kicked off social media.

(Pity his partner in crime isn’t here anymore...)

@rkxbin

[Backdated to July 31st; Samsung inter-company party]

Dowoon had never expected to become as friendly as he is with Changbin, especially considering the fact that he’d resented the other boy for getting the place Dowoon had felt should have belonged to his brother.

Even thinking about that now embarrasses him deeply. Particularly when he’d come to see what Changbin was like as a person. A little shy and reserved, but with a good sense of humor and so much creativity that Dowoon understood how the younger boy had been able to run a hip-hop crew before the MGAs. And working with Changbin alone for their May evaluation had only strengthened their bond, to the point that Dowoon would happily declare that the other was his friend.

They haven’t worked together for this particular evaluation, nor for the one before that, and although they see each other every day in Royal, it’s been hard to actually get together and chat. At least at this pool party they finally have a chance to do so, with both of them hanging back after their performances to simply watch the world go by.

He waits until Changbin finishes talking to another trainee that Dowoon can vaguely recognize (how could anyone not, the guy had hair as long as some of their girls), before he scoots over to sit beside him and they both sit in a comfortable silence for a moment or two.

jsominrk​:

Maybe she’s sighing of relief a little more than she should be, but she’s definitely glad that she can have someone help her around a bit more. “Oh, thank goodness. I’m glad that I ran into you.” She follows after him, though she seems to recall him from somewhere. But she can’t seem to put her finger on it. 

She lets out a sheepish smile, thinking it wouldn’t hurt to say it.

“I… used to be here before, actually. But uhm…” The thought makes her laugh sheepishly. “I do kickboxing and I somehow padded up someone so much they could’ve turned into my punching bag. I don’t think I’ll be off the hook that easily either.” Her expression softens into a smile. “I really would need a lot of help. It’s been a long time since I’ve last been here, and since the schedule’s different, I don’t quite know where everything is.”

When Somin admits that she’s actually a former trainee, Dowoon can feel his cheeks and ears starting to redden and he hastily bows to her, mortified. Sure maybe she’d been signed after him at this particular point in time, but she was still technically his senior.

“A-ah...! Sorry, sunbae!” he hastily stammers, wishing the ground would just swallow him up. “I shouldn’t have.... I mean--!”

He has no idea what he means.

 Shaking his head and bowing again for good measure Dowoon meshes his hands together, not quite able to look the other girl in the eye after that, even with her smile.

(tw for brief mentions of scars and self-image issues)

Dowoon truly doesn’t deserve his mother. After voicing his complaints about the evaluation setting and the chance that he might have to unwilling show his surgery scars, she’d presented him with a a shirt made out of swimwear material. In fact, it reminded Dowoon a little of the top part of a wetsuit. She’d even gone to the effort of finding one with a high neck to help hide the IV scars on his neck too. She really went above and beyond and Dowoon made a mental note to get her something nice soon. Even if he did disagree with her words as she’d handed over the present.

“Dowoon-ah, you know there’s no reason for you to be ashamed of those scars, right? They’re proof of your survival!”

He knows she’s right, but he can’t quite bring himself to accept that yet. Even two years later, he’s still trying to wrap his head around everything he’s overcome so far. However, as he stands ready to perform with the others, he firmly shoves all thoughts about himself and his hang-ups to the back of his mind.

They have a show to put on, after all.

(tw for talking about scars and self-image issues)

Dowoon can’t say he’s falling over himself with glee at the prospect of this evaluation. It’s certainly not that he minds working with his brother (it had been more of a happy coincidence than a pre-planned move) or the rest of the group. And while the song mightn’t have been his first choice, it definitely isn’t the worst thing to perform to. No, it’s not the performance he’s dreading.

It’s the after party Dowoon is dreading. Had it been anywhere else; at a park, an outdoors activity center or even as usual in Seocho itself, Dowoon would have been satisfied. But no. It had to be at a pool. A pool where no doubt he’d either be expected to jump into the water at some stage (forget the fact that he wasn’t a very good swimmer) or else get soaked in some kind of dumb water fight, probably started by Daehwi and his friends.

rkxboo​:

A small chuckle left him at Dowoon’s obvious confusion. “Honestly? It was a random guess and the first thing that popped into my mind before I figured that your occupation really wasn’t any of my business,” he explained trying to clear up any confusion that might be. “And well, since you didn’t really say anything else I figured it might actually have been true.”

Beside that, there was a point the other had overlooked. “That’s true, but my old shop is open from seven in the morning to late at night, and I didn’t always go in for the entirety of that time you know. Figured you had an early evening off or something. I don’t know how security guards work.” A shrug rose his shoulders before Dowoon followed up with an introduction and some very charming flattery.

“I’m Seungkwan,” he returned with a bright smile. “Boo Seungkwan. And might I say that smiling looks really good on you?” Whether the other had noticed he was smiling or not Seungkwan wasn’t sure, but it definitely didn’t pass him by. He didn’t call himself a smile junkie for nothing.

“You gotta take me to try! I’ve always been so busy that I never have time to check out the competition! Sounds interesting.”

"I have no ideas how security guards work either, to be honest.” Dowoon shrugged in response, a slightly bemused expression on his face. “I mean, I tend not to go out of my way to talk to them unless I need their help. And I haven’t had to do that in a long time.”

(Unless you count that time Daehwi decided to run off and hide on him for no good reason, only because Dowoon’s face when he was mad ‘was so funny!’)

At the compliment, Dowoon stopped short with an confused squawk, staring at his companion as his ears began to turn red once more. He studied Seungkwan’s face intently, half expecting the older boy to break into laughter and tease him. But he seemed deadly seriously and Dowoon floundered internally.

He wasn’t being flirted with, was he?!

Hastily he cleared his throat, and stared at the wall of a moment. “I.... uh... Thanks. Never heard that one before, to be honest.” he eventually mumbles, scratching his head before steering the conversation back onto safer ground.

jsominrk​:

At this point, everything she’s known is gone out the window. 

The only expectations of her to be even better than she once was is from the coaches if she ever gets the same ones again. But every company’s different, so there’s no guarantee that’ll happen when everyone teaches differently based on the company’s style. It happens all the time, these kinds of switches. No need to be talking or mentioning about her old history here to anyone.

When she realizes that she’s come across another Royal trainee, there’s a sigh of relief that escapes her lips and her shoulders relax. 

“There’s so many things going on, I’ve already nearly walked into the wrong rooms today.” She smiles sheepishly. “I think it’s going to take me some time trying to memorize where everything is. But uhm… is it okay if I go with you to the next class?” Pulling out the paper schedule she’s picked up, she shows it to him. “Is it the exact same one as this?”

Please say yes.

Setting his newly acquired water into his bag, Dowoon quickly scans the timetable presented to him before smiling again with a nod. “That’s it! Or at least, that’s the schedule I’ve been following here for the past year, and I haven’t gotten into trouble over it. Yet, at least.”

Motioning to the older girl to follow him, Dowoon smiles and tilts his head a little. He’s not going to lie, he’s a little curious about this girl. Especially when he feels as though he’s seen her somewhere before. There’s something familiar about her.

Maybe he’s imagining it.

rkxboo​: 

Being pulled aside in a very secretive manner, Seungkwan couldn’t help but let out a heartily laugh. It obviously bothered the other a lot, but honestly he didn’t think much of it himself and simply commented in greeting. But he supposed that was just the kind of person Dowoon was even though they hadn’t really known each other for a very extended period of time.

The other’s voice slimming down to a silent hiss, Seungkwan totally felt the mood and leaned in to be able to hear better. Serious mode had been activated and he gave listening nods at the right times (which were not a lot as Dowoon had simply decided to reprimand him in a single sentence).

“No worries man,” he explained with a thumbs up. “I totally get what you mean. I have things I’d rather not have the coaches know too, so we cool.” Like for instance already having broken contract the moment he signed it by dating. But that was a trouble he’d take at another time.

“Beside it’s not really lying if what you did was simply neglect to correct me, am I right or am I right?”

Dowoon blinked a little in surprise at the ease of which Seungkwan agreed to not bring up the subject again. He’d been expecting even a brief argument, or some trolling at least. Now his ears were red for a different reason and his laugh matched the embarrassment he felt.

“Well, when you put it that way....” he mumbled, scuffing the floor with the toe of his trainer before gesturing to the other boy that they didn’t need to be hiding away any more and should probably head towards their next class. “Still, I dunno why you jumped straight to the conclusion I was a security guard. I mean, there are stores that stay open in the Dongdaemun Market until like 4 AM or something like that.”

(Not that he ever stopped to look at them, getting home to sleep had always been his main priority.)

Shaking his head in dismiss the subject, Dowoon offered his companion a shy but sincere smile. “We never really introduced ourselves properly, did we? I’m Yoon Dowoon, from Jogno-gu. Welcome to Royal!” He paused and laughed quietly.

Date: 21st July 2020 Location: Yoon/Lee family apartment. Jogno-gu, Seoul

[tw for mentions of surgery, death and hospitals]

When Dowoon all but falls into the apartment after the day’s training, all he wants to do is to crawl into bed for the few scant hours Royal gives him to sleep. And had it been any other night, he would have, without hesitation.

But this isn’t any other night. It’s the 21st of July. This day two years ago, he was given a new lease of life by someone he’d never met and will, quite frankly never be able to thank enough. Even what he’s about to sit down and do seems like a poor repayment to the family whose son’s heart beats inside his own chest. But it’s all he has to offer them.

He can forgo sleep this one night, for the sake of trying to express his gratitude to the man who unwittingly became his family’s hero.