#rip van

tearful farewell to the van, but hell yeah to the upcoming fic

Such a thoughtful and touching tribute, Toxy. Thank you for including this treasured shot of the interior. I think I can still see the knee prints.

Yours in sin,

Grandpa Joel's minivan has finally died. The 1991 Dodge Caravan Woodie, along with all its rust and holes has finally launched itself into the great beyond. The sliding door had long stopped sliding sixteen years ago after one particularly raged-induced slamming when the washer at the laundromat had crewed up his favorite underpants.

The wood-paneled wonder barely limps its way into the used car lot and then ultimately gives up the ghost halfway to the front door. He doesn't bother taking the keys out and just abandons it where it rests. He gives it a final huff before turning his back on the traitorous pile of metal.

The front door jingles when he enters the dealership... if that's what one would call it. It smells like stale coffee and Armor All. The walls and front desk are covered in the same wood paneling as the thing he left for dead out in the parking lot.

A salesperson, a young woman who looks like she just finished college, comes gliding out like she's moved by gentle breezes and fairy magic.

She greets him cheerily and asks how he is. Fine, he grunts. Can she help him? Minivan's dead. What kind of vehicle is he looking for? 'Nother minivan. She makes a little sucking noise with her teeth and taps away on her computer. She has one, a 2007 Dodge Caravan. Is it a Woodie? No. Fine. It's seven thousand dollars. What?! She's sorry. It's fifteen years old. They're in demand. No, they're not. I'm really sorry.

He does the Dad Stance as he continues to grumble. He looks at the saleswoman speculatively for a moment while he considers his options. He spins his Mental Wheel of Morality and hits on an answer that's the best of both worlds. Wanna negotiate. She can't. He continues eyeing her. Or won't. She swears she can't. He leans across the counter. Y'sure?

He follows her into her private office, closing the door behind them, to 'negotiate' the price...

Love you, Beef 🥩

Apologies for the late response, Centy - this rendition of GPa!Joel's car shopping excursion is beautiful and for that, we can move on as a community.

RIP to my fav character, the van. It showed gramps, the wonderful reader, (and humankind tbh) a great, great, GREAT time. 😔😔 A beautiful vehicle, struck down in its prime days of action. 🍑💝✨️💦🎀

It helped Joel get laid, and now is laid as well. To rest, I mean.

My love, hugs, and drenched panties,

Lexi.