#rip jack

⚠ Warning: season 14 spoilers ⚠

I just finished season 14 last night and I don't think I've ever been THIS angry over any TV show, so I'm going to make it you guys' problem because I am not going to suffer alone on this.

I didn't like him to begin with because he's always been an ass, but now I'm angry enough to kill someone because...

WHAT THE FUCK!

WHAT GIVES THAT DICKHEAD THE RIGHT TO PUT TFW THROUGH ALL THE SHIT THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH JUST FOR ENTERTAINMENT?

ARGHHHHHHH

He's literally just creating as many problems for them as he can and using them like his little puppets to save the whole fucking world.

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. IT DOESN'T AFFECT HIM IF EARTH CEASES TO EXIST, SO IT MAKES NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE TO HIM.

Not to mention the literal TEMPER TANTRUM he threw when Dean didn't kill Jack like the cold-blooded killer Chuck wanted him to be and Sam proceeded to shoot him (Chuck).

This happened after Chapter 1 and before Chapter 2, and it was the first time those two scoundrels had sex in the disgusting motel bathroom.

After they checked into the motel COUGH with some money from Taura COUGH, Taura decided she needed a new pager to communicate with her contractor, Cazini, as her way of escaping the whole situation and returning home.

Knowing that those two wouldn't leave her alone even if they wanted to (for fear that she would run away and rat them out to clear her name, something that is quite justified because depending on their relationship, Taura would do that).

She made up an excuse that she knew someone who could help them escape their crimes and get fake IDs, but that she needed to go to the electronics store and if they still had any suspicions they could accompany her.

They went with Taura.

When they arrived, Taura immediately started dealing with the staff, who weren't being very helpful. The siblings were arguing about the whole situation… and especially about Taura's involvement in it all.

Ashley told Andrew about what happened in Chapter 1 when he left them alone to get the nail gun, where Taura showed her true colors and threatened her with an axe to the neck.

Of course, Ashley covered up the fact that this only happened because she tried to manipulate her with the intention of keeping her away from Andrew, using the recently discovered information about poor Nina.

Unfortunately, to her surprise, Andrew didn't believe her, because to him it didn't make sense for Taura to threaten her after saving her from the Warden (accidentally), and it didn't help Ashley's long history of keeping any girl away from him.

Ashley was furious that he didn't believe his own sister, but still fearing losing him, she decided to play with his insecurities.

He said that Taura had the possibility of abandoning him because of what they did with a child and also accused her of sleeping with anyone to escape them.

Using Taura's comment in Chapter 1, in which she calls Lady clever (and then calls her stupid for not taking advantage to escape) and that since they arrived at the store, one of the employees wouldn't stop staring at her.

It seemed the universe was helping her with this scheme when one of the employees walked away, giving up on serving Taura because they said they no longer had that product for sale.

The remaining employee, seeing her frustration, decided to take advantage of the situation, saying he had some old pagers he'd "kept" and could sell them IF she met him alone in the middle of the night in the forest.

The damned, unlucky guy wanted a date, and before Andrew could say that only an idiot would fall for that, Taura accepted.

Because she didn't have much of a choice.

Ashley couldn't stop laughing at the situation, while Andrew cursed the universe.

After they left the store and returned to the motel, Andrew and Taura couldn't stop arguing fervently.

Andrew was furious that she accepted a date with a stranger to get a stupid pager, and that's how idiots' bodies end up in the newspapers.

Taura was furious that he dared call her an idiot, since she was the only one doing something useful that could truly help them, and losing a bit of her patience, she said that he had no right to comment on ANYTHING because they were NOT dating.

Meanwhile, Ashley was quietly amusing herself amidst the chaos.

As the time approached, Andrew said it was her last chance to stay, but she simply ignored him and went to the designated spot.

Leaving Andrew very frustrated, Ashley tried to comfort him by saying that now he would have less of a headache and that it had been a long time since they had been alone together, which didn't work very well and he decided it was better to sleep, something Ashley followed suit.

Meanwhile, in the darkness of the forest, Taura was walking to the designated spot. She was having her internal, irritated monologues about the previous argument, but soon wondered if she had overreacted because Andrew was just worried, something the manipulative voice of the BH vehemently disagreed with.

Trying to amplify the thoughts that he had no right to an opinion because she was the only one with a plan, stating that they were just a burden on her shoulders and that she should just get rid of them—

Before that voice could finish, Taura encountered the store employee.

The employee was leaning against his car with two cans of beer in his hand, and behind him was an open beer carton.

Trying to look cool, but failing miserably.

The employee tried to introduce himself as Jack and hand her the beer, but was quickly cut off by her, who just wanted him to sell it quickly and end the night as soon as possible.

Jack seemed somewhat embarrassed with a playful laugh, saying he didn't have anything, but that they could still enjoy the night.

Even though she didn't show it, she was freaking out inside.

She was furious, not only because of BH's derogatory voice, not only because she couldn't communicate with her contractor to escape her crimes in this country, not only because she had wasted an hour of her life on a cold walk in the forest, but she was mainly furious for having fallen for something so idiotic and that Andrew was right in the end.

She was tired of it.

She snatched the beer can from Jack's cold, weak hands, drinking without breathing and crushing it with her own hand.

Something Jack found sexy for the moment.

Then she let out a restrained laugh that turned into a loud guffaw, and then fell silent with a dark look.

Something Jack no longer found sexy.

Taura began to vent about all the crap she was facing, being forced into quarantine, dealing with two inept people, him voice growing louder each day… the cannibalism and murders… while she menacingly approached him.

Jack, starting to get scared, tried to move away from her, but like the idiot he is, he ended up tripping over the can and hitting his head on the floor.

Immediately afterwards, she crouched over him and held his head with both hands rigid, a gesture resembling affection, but used mockingly.

Taura began showering him with biased, false compliments about his cleverness, how he was clever to trick her into coming to a dark forest, alone with no one around… similar to what Penelope did.

She started comparing them, but gave even more false compliments directed at Penelope while tightening her grip on his head.

Then Taura questioned him about Penelope's ending, because if he guessed her ending correctly, he might have a small chance of sharing her fate… the bastard has no idea he's already doomed.

Just as Jack was about to answer—

SNAP

Taura snapped his neck.

Seeing his cold body lying on the ground, she knew she needed to "clean up the mess."

Taura grabbed the package, put the corpse in the car, and started driving to a road near the forest and a river…

She opened one of the beers and began pouring the liquid down the throat of the dying corpse, then positioned it in the driver's seat and pushed the car into the river…

Taura opened one of the beers and poured some of the liquid into the river, a distorted way of honoring and mocking this corpse whose name wasn't even worth remembering.

Then, seeing that she had "cleaned up the mess," she grabbed the remaining beers and began drinking them on her way to the filthy motel.

WHAT AN EXCITING NIGHT!

When she returned to the room, she saw that the siblings were already asleep. A feeling of irritation returned because she didn't want to deal with Andrew being right, so she decided to take a shower to forget her problems, since the low quality of the alcohol didn't even do that job properly… but she took the beers with her.

The moment she closed the bathroom door, Andrew finally agreed.

Because along with the nightmares and insomnia, it was difficult to sleep when you had committed heinous crimes just hours before. When she realized Taura wasn't in the room, feelings of frustration and irritation returned.

Andrew decided it was best to wash his face to see if the worries would go away with the water… like Taura did…

Unfortunately, Taura forgot to lock the bathroom door, yes…

Andrew ended up seeing Taura saying goodbye… but this time unintentionally, and she noticed his presence.

A commotion ensued.

Taura threw a shirt at him, Andrew used a shirt as a curtain, and she accused him of being a perverted idiot. Then they both started accusing each other of being the real idiot in the situation:

"The idiot who didn't knock or the idiot who didn't lock the door? Place your bets!"

It got to the point where Andrew lost his patience and said that if she was so bothered by his presence, then she should have spent more time with the idiot employee, since he was clearly more useful than him.

Taura realized that all this bullshit behavior was just jealousy over an idiot he doesn't even know is swimming with the fishes now. Now she believes that Andrew and Ashley are really siblings.

She could argue more, but seeing that it wouldn't lead to anything promising for their survival and that one of them might end up ratting out the other… so she decided to lie; she mentioned that the employee tried to abuse her.

Andrew was perplexed, as he hadn't expected her to say that. One part of him, a jerk, wanted to admit he'd warned her, while another part felt awkward and guilty, because he'd been acting like an idiot while she supposedly went through this ordeal.

He fell for it.

Then Taura offered him a beer as a sign of peace, which he accepted and they sat on that filthy floor, taking a few sips before saying anything useful.

Each ended up apologizing for acting like an idiot towards the other, as they were both very stressed by the whole situation, allowing themselves to lean on each other… figuratively and physically.

They agreed that neither wanted… no… they didn't deserve to be in this situation.

But since they were in this situation… fuck it… literally.

To the delight of a top-hatted devil and the misfortune of those two monsters, Ashley woke up desperately wondering where her brother had gone.

Unfortunately, they couldn't finish what they started…that night.

They began a sort of unofficial "relationship," as both were more concerned with their crimes, and Ashley finding out would only make things worse.

This secret lasted until the night the Hitman arrived, when Andrew went to raid a cult, leaving Ashley and Taura alone.

This is the canon ending. Joe current kill count: 2

Joe canonically being 5'6.. SHORTY MAN/J

time to go into "slight" realism. that and/or theories.

the time for child murder is usually either life sentence or its the death penalty. *DEPENDING ON WHAT HAPPENED*

we know Joe is a heavy alchoholic. how do we know he isn't drunk during schoolhours? even during the GAME?

murder while under the influence is often a lighter sentence, in texas or californa. (and illinois).

according to nealdavislaw.com. Murder while under the influence (In texas) is a life sentence from 2 to 20 years with a hefty fine. Joe probably looks pretty pissed cuz for all we know, the mugshot was taken while he was still drunk (or he was just pissed off. at least he ain't smiling :D)