#ridgeside

The farmer had done a lot of good since they moved to Pelican Town. Sometimes it made Lewis feel a little inadequate even- why had it fallen to a random townsfolk to repair the community center? To supply Clint with the supplies necessary to clear the way to the summit? Not to mention all the various things around town- the bus, the minecarts, and so on- that had. Just. Started working again? For some reason?

The farmer never explicitly claimed credit for those last few things, but it was hard to know where else to point for an explanation. Robin, Clint, and Ian, had wanted pay when they fixed the cart system in Ridgeside- which, actually, hadn’t the farmer gathered the materials for that anyway? Not to mention all the special orders-

The door opened, and the farmer stepped out. They were wearing the same white skirt they always had since moving here, somehow still unstained by dirt or grass, and a… morel mushroom themed shirt? The lid of a garbage can was balanced perfectly atop their head.

They smiled, but said nothing.

“Ahem. Erm. Hello, farmer…” Lewis hesitated. Should he really be saying anything? But he was here now, so, “Lovely, day, isn’t it?”

Smile, blank stare.

“E-hem. Er. Unfortunately, I’m actually here to talk with you about some, ah, complaints… May I come in? This might take a bit to go over.”

The farmer frowned, and looked concerned. “Sen?” they called out into the house. “Are you… decent? We have company, mayor Lewis wants to come in.”

Distantly, Lewis heard a squeal of panic. “J-just a second!” Sen yelled back. Then a moment later, “A-Alright!”

Oh Yoba, Lewis hoped he hadn’t interrupted something… intimate. Though the alternative, that the farmer’s mysterious husband was simply naked at random when they didn’t have anyone over, was also rather uncomfortable. Lewis tugged at his tie, as he stepped into the-

…House?

It wasn’t really decorated like one. There were a few photos on the wall, a fireplace, a table and a single chair- but most of the floorspace was taken up by contraptions. Kegs, jars, a cheese press, a juicer, an… alembic? A stone statue of a woman, shoved against a wall, such that you couldn’t really see it very well?

Sen was nowhere to be seen, probably in another room.

“So, what’s the problem mayor?”

“Well, I’m sorry to say, the contents of your shipping bin as of late have been an issue.”

The farmer tilted their head. “Have they been going bad? Is there a leak in the bin? Have the bottles been breaking?”

“No, it’s… Farmer, who exactly are we supposed to be supplying with... Severed deer hooves?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s not a long-term strategy, just trying to ship one of everything, you know?”

“Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you doing that?” Mayor Lewis clarified.

The farmer squinted at him, and looked slightly offended, but didn’t offer an explanation.

“Well,” continued Lewis, “it’s beside the point anyway. The hoof was a problem, but, the, I believe you labeled them ‘beholder fruit’?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been shipping a lot of those.”

“Oh, yeah. The plants just keep producing, and I’ve not run out of space in the greenhouse yet, so no reason to uproot them.”

“There is a reason. One reason that I feel is rather obvious.”

“Hm?”

Lewis frowned. It was going to be one of those conversations, was it? “They look like eyeballs. It’s disturbing. Nobody wants to buy them.”

“Taste good though.”

“See, I wouldn’t know. Because I have enough common sense not to eat one.”

The farmer sighed. “Fine, I won’t ship any more of those. Is that all?”

“I’m afraid not. I’ve actually prepared a list here…” He pulled out a neatly folded paper from his pocket, and handed it over. The farmer read it over, expression growing grim.

Lewis looked around for a place to sit. There was only one chair- actually, hadn’t that also been here when the farmer first moved in? Apparently interior decorating wasn’t high on their priorities list.

Walking to the chair, Lewis happened to glance down the hallway, and saw a blue-robed figure peeking out around the corner. “Ah, Sen, I presume? Could you come here as well? I’d love to meet you!”

The farmer sucked a sharp hiss of air in through their teeth. Probably they just saw the void mayonnaise stipulation. That had been big for the farm’s profits, but the smell… workers were starting to complain about conditions.

Sen rounded the corner. Short, and obscured by shadow, their robe pulled tight around them, and hood pulled up and oversized, not an inch of skin clearly visible, the same thing he’d worn to his wedding. Sen stepped out trepidatiously. “H-Hello mayor! It’s good to meet you... outside the ceremony, I mean.”

“Indeed.” He extended a hand to shake, and Sen gripped it through the sleeve of his robe. Okay…

Lewis- and the town at large- had a great many questions about this Sen person, which the farmer had been studiously dodging. Looking at him now though, Lewis was starting to get the sense that merely meeting the man would not answer them to quite the extent he’d hoped.

“Hang on, no,” said the farmer. “What’s the problem with selling fish?”

“Not all fish, it says right there, it was half eaten-”

“Well yeah, the cat wanted some.”

“You couldn’t have cut off a portion?”

“Well the cat caught it in the first place, it already had the bite out when it brought it to me.”

Lewis shook his head. The farmer continued reading.

“Can’t ship trash, sunset castor, trapped souls, rotting brains, sludge, supernatural goo, any cloth sourced from mummies, hellfire bolete, bug steak…” They weren't even a quarter of the way down the list.

Sen fidgeted. “What’s wrong with bug steak? That’s one of my favorites…”

Lewis turned to him, aghast. “You mean to say that you… eat those? I had assumed they were intended as bait?”

“They’re yummy!”

“…If you say so.”

The farmer slapped the paper down on the table. “Lewis, I… I mean, most of this isn’t a big deal, but, I need all the money I can get. I have to at least push back on the void eggs and some of these foragables.”

Okay, thought Lewis. No more mister nice guy. “Farmer. This is not up for discussion. You’re lucky you’re not being fined, for some of this! And- if you need money so bad, maybe you should be a little more careful about your spending?” He gestured around the huge, fully upgraded farmhouse larger than his own home. “Like this!” Lewis said, getting up and gesturing to the stone statue against the wall. “Clearly this couldn’t have been cheap to commission! And yet, you’re not even properly displaying it!”

The farmer’s eyes went wide, their jaw hanging open.

Lewis suddenly had a very bad feeling.

They walked over to their fridge, and pulled out-

A solid gold sculpture of mayor Lewis. The one that had gone missing from where he’d hidden it behind his house.

“What.”

“No.”

“That.”

“I.”

“You were saying, Lewis?” Asked the farmer, voice dripping with venom. Lewis fell back-

Into the stone statue, which summoned down a cloud of moths the second he touched it.

“AHHHHH-!” Lewis screamed, running out of the farmhouse- very quickly. The farmer idly wondered if he'd gotten a blessing of speed.

They had a feeling that they would just keep tossing whatever they liked in the bin, and Lewis would keep his mouth shut about it, unless he wanted to explain to the town where the funding for his own statue had come from.

---

Mods referenced:

Alchemistry (Mana extractor, deer hoof, sunset castor, trapped souls, rotting brains, hellfire bolete.)

Bog's Moth Hutch and Critters (Replaces butterflies with moths.)

Eli & Dylan (Beholder fruit.)

Lurking In The Dark (Sen.)

Ridgeside Village (Ridgeside village and it's minecarts, Ian.)