Iām so happy today, itās insane. Ā Iām almost afraid to say it out loud, but so far, none of the little dumb shit that usually bothers me has fazed me today. Ā I must have slept well, because Iām good and awake, and I only drank my green tea for the benefits besides caffeine.
Iām really pleased with my new hairstyle. Ā Itās so easy, and pretty, and shows off my new earrings really well. Ā Pics are all over the place, so if you follow me, youāve seen them⦠ Or just check my actual blog, theyāre there. Ā Iām going to keep it like this through the summer, I think.
So I mentioned on my Instagram that Iāll be talking about something that made me feel better about myself. Ā I know that the things Iāve been putting myself through spiritually have opened me up enough to be ready for this, and I wouldnāt have been ready otherwise.
My face has been explained. Ā Okay, so I know this is probably weird, and a little too much into my personal stuff for some of you, but Iāve been told that Iām ugly my whole life by my peers, and itās been really crushing. Ā Thereās nothing I can do about the way I look besides cover myself in make-up, and I donāt believe in that. Ā So, itās either get over my face, or get over my aversion to make-up. Ā Now, donāt get me wrong, I donāt care if other people use it, I just donāt think itās good for me, knowing my physiology. Ā So, I was scrolling through my Facebook, and I noticed a post from The rH Negative Club, which I belong to because Iām type O-. Ā They just opened a website, and theyāre posting new member photos. Well, what struck me was that the girl in the photo had my face. Ā I mean, not mine, exactly, but almost all of the same features, and I was stunned. Ā I also thought she was quite beautiful. Ā I responded about the face shape and features, and was told by the mod that all of my features are common to the blood type. Ā Not only is this true, but another rH- crusader has informed me that many children who are not rH-, and have different features see our features as different, and call us āuglyā because weāre different.Ā Ā
I donāt know why this struck me so hard, but I almost cried. Ā Iām exactly who and what Iām supposed to be, and I donāt hate it anymore. Ā This is big. Ā Iām holding back tears just typing about it. Ā I know it might seem stupid to be hung up on something so superficial, but itās been a constant battle in my life, and I finally feel like itās over, and I can be okay with myself. Ā Iām not ugly. Iām different, and among my community, Iām just another oval-shaped face with sunken cheekbones and almond eyes that are just a little farther apart than normal.Ā Ā
Iām okay. Ā For once in my life, Iām okay. Ā Iām not even going to say some shit like āweāll see how long it lasts,ā because I donāt want to think that way anymore; I refuse. Ā I know what I want, and where Iām comfortable, and how to live, and how to be, and Iām there. Ā If Iām not really āthere,ā Iām so close, I can taste it, and it tastes damn good.