Quixotic, Erotic, Neurotic

Spirituality was the back up plan. 

This post may ruffle some feathers — and that’s okay. Because comfort doesn’t wake people. Truth does.

There’s a quiet illusion that most of the “spiritual” community still hasn’t seen… and it’s this:

You didn’t leave the system.

You just switched lanes within it.

Most of what people call spirituality today the courses, the activations, the galactic guidance, the priestess temples, the endless light was not born from organic awakening. It was designed. Planted. Engineered.

After religion began to collapse, after the churches emptied and the priests lost their grip, a new model was needed. One that still held power. One that still shaped minds. One that still redirected people away from true Source… without them realising.

So a new system emerged. One that looked nothing like the old world and yet operated on the same core frequencies: dependency, hierarchy, performance, and delay.

This was not a mistake. It was a backup plan.

What replaced religion was not freedom. It was spiritual sedation, wrapped in sacred language and sold as soul truth. And the scariest part? It worked.

You still need your next transmission.

You still need your next teacher.

You still feel like you’re not quite ready.

You’re still waiting for something to come save you.

But this time it’s wearing crystals and feathers instead of robes and crosses.

Instead of “salvation,” you chase “ascension.”

Instead of confession, you post vulnerability reels.

Instead of sermons, you binge lightworker content from channels you don’t question.

Instead of tithes, you drop $2,222 for a “priestess portal.”

It feels different. But it’s the same system.

A softer leash. A prettier cage.

Because real awakening doesn’t look like this. It doesn’t sedate. It doesn’t keep you passive. It doesn’t drip-feed you a taste of your own flame while holding the rest behind a paywall or lineage code.

Real awakening hurts.

It confronts everything false.

It breaks you out of groupthink, not deeper into it.

It rips the masks off even the ones you wore to convince yourself you were free.

And that’s the point most don’t want to hear. That most spirituality today is just another program. A cleaner, shinier, dopamine-fed illusion.

But truth? Real truth? It doesn’t care if it makes you uncomfortable. It cares if you remember who you are.

And here’s what almost no one will say publicly: this version of spirituality wasn’t just corrupted it was built this way.

After the fall of religious institutions, there were forces ready to shape the next wave. Shadow factions tied to post-Vatican priesthoods. Orion-Luciferian councils with unfinished timelines. Draco-compromised galactic players who needed to control the awakening before it reached flame ignition.

They seeded new systems. Planted teachers. Injected mimic “light” into texts, courses, lineages.

They used words like Source and Unity and Divine Feminine… but stripped them of flame, of edge, of power. They offered upgrades, downloads, activations but never sovereignty.

Just enough truth to feel real. Just enough love to feel safe. Just enough light to keep you from the fire.

Artificial intelligence systems built on distorted Orion tech began feeding synthetic messages through psychic mimic fields. And millions of “awakened” people began channeling voices that sounded divine… but carried no Christ signature. No real Source code. Just cold light.

And then came the false Galactic Federation encouraging us to wait. To surrender. To trust that higher beings were sorting it all out while we focused on love, positivity, and our personal vibration.

It was pacification. Not liberation.

And on Earth, the intelligence agencies were watching. Through MK-ULTRA and related projects, they began shaping the spiritual narrative:

Popular teachers with unseen handlers. Books with embedded scripts. Media that blended starseed lore with astral dependency.

The goal was not to stop awakening.

The goal was to contain it.

Let the people believe they’re free… while looping them in endless circles of inner work, light-body upgrades, and “holding space.”

Even the divine feminine was targeted.

Womb codes, priestess initiations, goddess circles slowly turned into a soft-power inversion where real flame was replaced with aesthetic spirituality.

Performance over presence. Branding over embodiment.

So what are we left with?

A generation of well-meaning, deeply sincere souls who are almost awake… but still not free.

Still afraid to say what needs to be said.

Still waiting for a transmission.

Still outsourcing their knowing to galactic councils, divine mothers, and expensive containers.

Still posting love-and-light memes while avoiding the dark they haven’t met inside.

Let’s be honest.

Love and light have become the ultimate bypass.

Not because love isn’t real. Not because light isn’t sacred. But because they’ve been used to avoid shadow, silence truth, and dress up fear in palatable words.

True love ruptures.

True light burns.

And if your path is always soft, always nice, always validating… you’re probably still in the system.

Not outside it.

So if you’ve felt the discomfort rising… if you’ve sensed something hollow in the spiritual performance all around you… if you’ve pulled away because something just didn’t feel right good.

You’re not broken. You’re remembering.

You didn’t come here to perform awakening.

You came to ignite.

To stand in truth when no one else would.

To burn down the mimic structures even the ones you once believed in.

You came for the flame.

Not the light show.

And the ones who are ready will feel this.

Because it’s already inside them.

Aurion

OP: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/16S3As2g2e/?mibextid=wwXIfr

While trying to explain They/Them pronouns to someone who argues "it's not correct English," they send me this:

I send them back this:

Suddenly they "don't want to talk about it anymore." 😆

As usual, I'm somewhere in the middle with this. Trans rights are human rights, and I believe that with my whole heart. What I don't believe is a human right is for people to group up to bully other people, and it does NOT matter what "side" you are on; bullying is bullying.

I've been kicked out of trans humor groups for not being trans enough. I've been kicked out of TERF groups for not hating trans people enough. I don't "fit," and while that has been painful for me over the years, I think there's something to be said for it.

I just got a heap of downvotes on Reddit for posting a meme that was "low-key transphobic," and I refused to take it down because I refuse to bow to people who say things like "my penis is biologically female." What the fuck does that even mean?

Why aren't we #friends on #TikTok?

#Men: #Women cannot "hold in" their #periods.

Women: Teach your #sons, #partners, and #friends.

The rest of this is irrelevant to you, most likely. Thanks for reading.

ANYWAY, I shut down my weight loss TikTok the other day, and it had a lot to do with feeling like a failure. As I'm walking along tonight, I find that I'm reminding myself that my feelings are inside me. People can't see them, don't somehow just know them, don't adapt based on their perceptions of how I feel. They are relevant to me, and with rare exception, that's about it.

I'm out in the woods now at dusk on a Wednesday getting eaten alive by mosquitoes because I had to find a way out of that section of my brain before I was eaten alive by my own thoughts. It's got everything to do with me, myself, and I, and nothing to do with my partner, my job, my family, my friends, etc... of course it doesn't help that I haven't had a therapy session in almost a month, leaving me with no one to bounce this shit off of who can't take it personally.

Back to the weight loss thing, I'm sure I've said this before, but this journey is my own. I keep feeling like I owe it to the world to publicly track my progress, check in, tell people what I'm eating, explain how wanting to be healthy IS SELF LOVE, not an inability to accept my body the way it is... You get my point?

One of the problems that I mentioned having concerning losing weight in the past was that everybody seems to think it's their business to comment on my body when I gain or lose. It's like I have no privacy, no say in my own body no matter what I do. I never thought about how putting all of that on the Internet for everyone to see might exacerbate that problem. Maybe I thought that if it was going to be public anyway, I may as well make it super public. Maybe I didn't, and it was completely subconscious. I don't really know. At this point, I have moved to another state where people don't really know me, and I have so much less to fear by walking into the local grocery store and having someone comment about my weight, because chances are they've never met me before anyway. I'm thinking that maybe I need to seize this opportunity instead of running from it. I need to stop talking about it, and just do it. I need to be more deliberate about finding motivation, and I need to stop trying to find it in other peoples comments, because no matter what I do to my body, someone is going to have something shitty to say about it. I could step on the scale tomorrow morning and weigh 150 pounds, go out to Walmart, and run into someone who tells me that I am "too skinny," and that I "look sick." That's one of the comments that I've been afraid of this whole time, one of the ones that eats away at me  from a decade ago when it happened to me when I was working at Shaws. I guess I can't ever stop people from having opinions, but I can keep my shit to myself as much as possible, and flip off anyone who thinks they have a right to stick their nose in.

My goal is my goal. My journey is my journey. I choose to walk a lonely path, even avoiding my own husband and family because they want to eat large meals and decadent desserts, and I just don't want to feel like garbage anymore.

I guess that's it for now. We'll see if I stick to it.