๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ ๐๐๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง
๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ: ๐๐๐๐ซ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ
๐๐จ๐ โฆ ๐ฆ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ
๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ (18+ content ahead!!!) || arranged marriage AU w/ eventual polyamory and smut
๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ฒ: You are the newest lady of House Li, married to a man twice your age who seems reluctant to even look at you after a wedding night fueled by desire and aphrodisiacs. As new players enter the stage, you learn more about your husband's past and find loveโฆin more places than one.
๐๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐: hi i exist i promise
TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: grief, purity culture-esque bullshit
Despite the fact that you now had a game plan, so to speak, on how to talk to Zayne about how you felt, your husband had decided to make himself elusive once more. The two of you had seen Lord Qin and Mr. Shen off together, but he'd had to go take care of something immediately after, and you hadn't seen him in the days since.
That left you with one task: Writing a letter to Caleb.
To be honest, you'd felt a little apprehensive about doing it, so you'd been procrastinating it. Zayne had sent you his letter-writing kit and everything, delivered by a smiling Yvonne, but it had been sitting on your desk entirely unused ever since. You had no idea what you'd even sayโit had been so long since you'd spoken to him that you didn't know where to start.
But now, you stared down at an empty sheet of paper, pen in hand. Enough was enough.
You'd written "Dear Caleb" in nice, neat print at the top, but the next words eluded you. Thinking back, you recalled that Zayne had wanted you to explain the situation to him, but that felt like too much of a bombshell to drop at the beginning of a letter.
In the end, you decided to tell him how you felt, simply and plainly.
Dear Caleb,
Hello! It's been a while since my last letter, I know. I hope you haven't forgotten about me. I miss you. Please write me back soon. A lot has happened since I last saw you, so I wanted to tell you about it.
You then started to slowly put together a story, hoping that he wouldn't be too furious when he read it.
First off, I'm a married woman now. My husband's name is Zayne Li, and he's the lord of Snowcrest, in the Arctic. Don't worryโhe's treating me well, so you shouldn't have anything to get mad about when it comes to him. You have to call me "lady" when you see me next, you know! I outrank you now!!
Father is the one who arranged the marriage, and I didn't know about it until just a little bit before it happened. You definitely know about it, right, though? I know Father wrote you a letter or two, so he had to have told you. Unfortunately, it turns out that Father messed with the marriage agreement between he and Lord Li and tried to wring money out of him. Doesn't that sound just like Father? To make things worse, he told me afterwards that Father drugged me and him on our wedding night!
Anyways, I heard Lord Li and one of his friends (his name's Lord Qin, and he's a former spy!) talking about it, so I went to confront Father about it. We got into a fight, and Father tried to hit me, but Lord Li came in just in the nick of time and saved me! And then he beat up Fatherโฆit was kind of satisfying, honestly.
I like Snowcrest alright, but it's a little cold. There's so much snow that my feet sink into it unless I'm wearing special shoes. The castle I live in is pretty big, and you'd think it would be cold, but it actually stays pretty warm most of the time. The people are pretty nice, too, but Lord Li's friends can be a little weird.
I'm sorry it took so long to write you again. I thought you didn't want to hear from me, and if that's true, I'm sorry to bother you again. If you want, please write again soon.
With all my love,
Your sister
Satisfied, you gave the letter a quick read-through and sealed it, blissfully unaware of the heart attack you were about to give to your half-brother.
You were starting to realize that your husband was a bit of an enigma.
He had been completely radio silent for days, and suddenly, he showed up at your door and asked if you wanted to make snowmen, of all things. Given that it didn't typically snow where you were from, and never enough to play in, you agreed, and now you were bundled up in what had to be five layers of clothing as your husband taught you to pack snow into large balls.
"โฆAnd then you place the head here," he explained, placing a third sphere on top of two others, making a snowman that was almost as tall as he was. (Maybe the two of you had gone a little bit overboard.) "See? Now, we have a snowman."
"Hmmmโฆ." You looked at your creation, a little unimpressed. "It looks kind of like a pile of snow to me."
"That would be because we have yet to give it features," he replied, smiling. "If you can find some pebbles or bark for the face, I will find some sticks for the arms."
"Okay!"
After a few minutes of scavenging, you'd found both some pebbles and a piece of bark that was vaguely nose-shaped, and he came back with two big tree limbs for arms and a little stick for a mouth. The two of you carefully applied your findings until you had a beautiful, tall snowman standing before you, smiling widely in the weak sunshine.
"He looks like you," you observed.
"Does he, now?" There was an audible smile in Zayne's voice.
"Yeah. Tall and lonely." You nodded, the observation making perfect sense to you. Zayne seemed to be quite a lonely man, after all; there was a weight he carried that he couldn't share with anyone else, he thought.
"Lonely?" he asked, sounding surprised. "What do you mean, my lady?"
"He needs a friend." You bent down to start gathering snow for a second snowman, and after a moment, he joined you, helping to create a large ball for the base.
"I used to do this with my brother," he mused softly as he worked, as if he remembered a long-lost memory.
Your head snapped up to look at him. This was the first time you'd heard Zayne mention his brotherโevery other time had been from a member of the staff. "Huh?"
"My older brother, William," he elaborated, clearly under the impression that you didn't know. "He was the original heir of House Li, but he passed away when we were young."
"โฆI'm sorry for your loss," you replied, a little awkwardly.
Zayne shook his head. "I am certain he is at peace as he sits on the other side of the River of Eternity. There is nothing to be sorry for; his suffering has long ended."
It was probably very inappropriate to pry, but you couldn't help yourself. "What happened to him?"
He gave you a surprised look before answering, hands working against the snow. "He was severely injured during a skirmish at the border. I arrived from the capital just before he passed."
"Oh."
"He used to drag me outside after it snowed," he recounted, switching topics, "just to make snowmen when we were young. I was usually tired after one, but he'd always insist that we make at least one more, so the first wouldn't be sad." He cast a glance your way. "You are like him, in some regards."
"Do you miss him?" Your voice was quiet, barely audible over the wind or the crunch of snow under your feet.
A moment passed before he answered.
"I do," he said, just as softly. "There are often times where I wish he was still here, so that I could ask him his advice on certain matters. The ache has long dulled, though." A small smile appeared on his face. "I am sure that you miss your brother far more than I do, now."
For some time after that, the two of you continued to work in silence, with the sound of the wind and your movements your only company. Your new snowman was around your height, a decision Zayne seemed to make all on his own.
"Um, Zayne," you asked hesitantly as he placed an eye onto the new snowman's face. "Is there a reason why you don't want to be my husband?"
He stopped for a moment, panic visible on his face for a brief second.
"It is not that I don't want to be your husband," he said after a pause. "It is that I feel that it would be inappropriate for us to behave in a manner befitting a husband and wife, given your age."
"I'm not a child, though." You jammed the stick you were holding into the snowman's side, maybe a little too forcefully. Zayne winced at the audible crunch that sounded, before clearing his throat awkwardly.
"I also know that everything has been quite a shock for you. I see no reason to force you into a new dynamic when you're still adjusting to life here." He seemed to completely ignore your statement as he stuck the other eye into the surface of the snow.
"Are you sure? I'd be okay with it," you tried to explain. "If you don't feel those kind ofโฆurges, I guess, you can just tell me. I'll understand."
Zayne let out a soft sigh, patting the snow down. "As I am sure Lord Qin has told you, I used to be a priest under the service of Astra. Although I have since left the priesthood, I never renounced my vows."
"โฆAnd?" you asked, not sure what he was getting at.
"One of my vows requires that I maintain a high standard of purity, lest my body and soul become corrupt," he explained. "I have sexual urges, of course. It is just that I must resist the pull to fulfill them unrighteously."
"If that's the case, why not just come out and say that?" You were a little frustrated, now. In your eyes, there was no reason to make up excuses instead of being honest.
"Because the other reasons are true, as well," he replied, calm but firm. "I have given it quite a bit of thought, my lady, I assure you. It is not a decision I have made on a whim to frustrate you."
You were lost for words for a moment, before gathering your thoughts. "Okay, but if you ever change your mind, you'll let me know, right?"
Zayne nodded, taking a step back to admire the snowmen as you stood between the two.
"I don't want you to beโฆ" you pushed the limbs of the snowmen together so that the tips brushed, "lonely."
"I appreciate the sentiment. Truly." He gave you a smile before adding, "I would be willing toโฆrethink it, perhaps, later on. We can discuss it again in the future."
Those words gave you hope. Maybe you could gently persuade him to see your sideโhopefully sooner, rather than later.
There was no reason he should deny himself when you were right there, ready for the taking, right?
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