How do I manage my OCD? It takes a lot out of me to convince myself that I won't cause the death of my family, and it gets worse from there? Please help.
firstly, although this blog is here to help and i’ll gladly give advice anytime i can be useful, please remember that i’m not a medical or psychological professional and/or expert. if your disorders are causing you serious problems, you should see a therapist or psychiatrist if you haven’t already. therapists and meds can actually help a lot, if they are used to your advantage properly!
firstly, what is ocd? it’s defined as “a mental disorder that causes repeated unwanted thoughts” (i believe they can also be called “intrusive thoughts”, but someone correct me if i’m wrong!)
my research says: “OCD is an Anxiety Disorder, not a Catastrophe Disorder. To overcome OCD, you need to work with the anxiety of the thoughts, not the threats they make. You're not up against the catastrophes depicted in your thoughts. You're up against the thoughts, and how it feels to experience the thoughts. Thoughts are a dime a dozen. OCD is all about anxiety. The specific content of the thoughts - whether they're about an accidental fire, the murder of a loved one, a pregnancy or a venereal disease - doesn't matter. These thoughts are all symptoms of anxiety, the same way that the physical symptoms of a panic attack - heart racing, labored breathing, sweating, rubber legs - are all symptoms of anxiety as well. Ritualizing (or thought stopping, or distraction) isn't the only way to reduce the anxiety. It might seem like the fastest, when you're terribly upset by some thought, but even this probably isn't true most of the time. The path to recovery involves making changes in your daily behavior which enable you to accept, rather than resist, the obsessive thoughts. The more you can accept the thoughts, and the less you fight them, the better you will do. You don't have to accept the catastrophic predictions of the thoughts - just the fact that you have these thoughts. This is easy to say, harder to do. OCD is a treatable problem, but it's usually hard work. So I suggest you start with two steps, and you can do them in whichever order you prefer: consult a qualified therapist, and educate yourself about OCD.
“Whatever you do, here are three key guidelines. Your efforts to overcome OCD should follow these guidelines. Your recovery work should emphasize taking an accepting stance toward the thoughts. You don't have to accept the apparent meaning of the thoughts, just the fact that you have them. The only real meaning behind obsessive thoughts is that you're nervous, and you already knew that. Your recovery work should emphasize postponing the rituals and resistance. The obsessive thoughts always include the idea that you had better do something about the thoughts, or they'll continue to bother you indefinitely. But this is probably not so. As you get involved in your ordinary activities without going out of your way to bring the thoughts to an end, they will bother you less and less. Your recovery work should include the practice of regular, scheduled exposure to the obsessive thoughts. This can take the form of written scripts that you read, audio recordings that you listen to, and other forms of routinely working with material that can trigger your obsessive thoughts.” (source)
from what i understand, it will be beneficial to you to write/speak out your thoughts and accept them rather than trying desperately to avoid having them or doing things to disprove them. remember that your thoughts are thoughts, not facts, and thoughts can be misleading/false. i would even suggest starting a vent blog as a place to document your intrusive thoughts -- you could follow @monstersuggestions and use them as somewhat of an example (and if you choose not to start your own blog, they’re still a good outlet for you, because from what i understand they deal with thoughts similar to those you’ve described).
