Synopsis: It freaks her out more than a little, the feeling of wanting to be close to him.
Note: Some thoughts on pre-serum Steve and time-travelling Red Room spy Natasha (maybe sent to turn future Captain America into a double agent?) apropos of this WIP Wednesday post.
The other day, I reread a couple of paragraphs of this Stucky fic about Steve's first kiss, and I hadn't even gotten to the actual kiss, yet, when it made me think about Steve and Nat's first kiss in the universe of the time travel fic. I also rewatched The First Avenger on Saturday, apropos of waiting for the right partner. (And also lowkey apropos of @the0fi's comment about Steve's heart.)
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The first time Steve walks her home after an evening at the movies, he doesn't touch Natasha at all. Literally keeps her at arm's length, then waves goodbye once she's got her key in the front door of her boarding house.
The second time, he hesitates before leaning in, slowly, as if waiting for her to flinch or maybe smack him. His lips, dry and a little chapped, find her cheek, and an unfamiliar warmth blooms in her stomach.
The third time, she tells him that he's being too polite.
His hands disappear into the pockets of his jacket. He lets out a nervous chuckle and scuffs the toe of his shoe on the ground. "I always thought that women liked a gentleman."
She tells him yes, they do, and he gets five stars for gentlemanly behavior.
"But don't you want to kiss me?"
A shy smile flashes across his face. He blushes, ducks his head. Of course he wants to kiss her, he says.
She's slightly taller than him in her heels, probably weighs more than he does, too, and could take him down with both hands tied behind her back, could easily take down a man twice his size. Still, the lack of alarm bells going off in Natasha's head at the thought of him touching her is both thrilling and unsettling.
It freaks her out more than a little, the feeling of wanting to be close to him. She isn't trying to seduce or cajole a mark anymore, and the person who pulls Steve closer isn't the Widow, the jaded Red Room spy. It's the small, untouched part of Natasha that she's managed to keep safely tucked away from the grimy fingers of the world. It's someone she hasn't allowed herself to think about in a long time.
Heart pounding in her chest, she slides her arms around Steve's neck and waits to see if he will spook.
He doesn't.
His hands settle on her waist before sliding around to her back, fingertips a gentle pressure through the lightweight fabric of her coat.
The stomach flutter from the other night returns tenfold when Steve leans in.
Their lips barely brush once, twice. His breath hitches, and she briefly wonders (worries) about his heart. He draws in a quick, shaky breath, and then they're kissing.
It's soft and warm, unhurried. And over in the blink of an eye.
Steve sways on his feet. His grip on her tightens for a moment before he steadies himself.
"Wow," he whispers, probably more to himself than as a compliment to her if Natasha goes by the way he faintly chuckles and can't meet her gaze.
"That was... that was worth the wait," he says and gives her the softest smile.
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The scene after Tony collapses in the beginning of Endgame deserves a lot more love, especially from my fellow Stony fans. The nonverbal body language is incredible in this scene.
The scene starts with Steve looking out the window. However, his body is turned in a completely different direction. Natasha is facing both Steve and the window, and has her arms crossed. She has probably been trying to talk to Steve.
Rhodey walks out of Tony's hospital room. Natasha turns to look at him first, while Steve moves incredibly slowly.
We can see how devastated and empty Steve looks - a look that doesn't change as Rhodey tells them, "Bruce gave him a sedative."
We then get this wide-shot:
Steve is the one standing the furthest from Tony's hospital room, and yet his body is oriented straight towards Tony's bed. Natasha and Carol are standing off to the side, leaving room for the invisible line connecting Steve to Tony.
Rhodey says that Tony is "gonna probably be out for the rest of the day."
We then get a very interesting, and telling, view of Steve's reaction:
We are only shown Steve's reaction to Rhodey's statement, which gives it narrative significance - and Steve's reaction is to close his eyes, bow his head, and take a deep breath. He is clearly grief-stricken.
Carol starts talking, and Steve looks up at her through his lashes:
Carol starts to leave, and Steve asks her where she's going:
Poor Steve is confused, and needs people to stop leaving! (Natasha and Rhodey hold eye contact during this)
Carol says she's going to kill Thanos, and Steve and Natasha look at each other:
Their movements are completely in sync, and they communicate silently for a moment before following Carol.
Natasha takes the lead, and we see just her and Carol in the frame, while she says, "Hey! You know, we usually work as a team here, and uh, between you and I, morale's a little fragile."
This shows us the empowered leader of the Avengers that Natasha became after facing her past in the BW movie.
Then Steve picks up the thread, saying, "We realize up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too."
I love how completely in sync he and Natasha are, and how she has her body turned towards him, so he can be part of the conversation too.
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Steve and Nat are the kind of friends that are so close and comfortable with one another that people often think that they're in a relationship. But as soon as someone comes up and asks, the person is immediately hit with:
"Oh, me and Steve? No, never. I deserve better."
"The feeling is mutual, Miss Romanoff."
"His morning breath is terrible, I'm want to send flowers to the poor soul stuck waking up next to that every morning for the rest of their life."
"And the person Natasha will wake up next to won't be able to focus on her breath because they're too sleep deprived from being kept up by her snoring."
Then Natasha pushes Steve into the closet thing next to them and they howl with laughter about it later.
Natasha wondered about Steve. A man out of time. A soldier, a protector, a captain, an Avenger.
She wondered about his life. The life he never got to live. The story that caught dust in the pages of history. Neatly folded in the far corner of the shelf, frozen in time.
Natasha wondered if he found peace in the ice. Was it quiet? Did the cold manage to freeze the pain with the man himself? Or was it filled with nightmares of freezing water and fading voices?
The files didn't talk about them. They talked about the choice, the impact, the future. The man remained a mystery.
Natasha wondered about Steve. A mission partner, an ally, a leader, a pillar.
She caught him staring at the picture of Peggy. She didn't ask. She saw him trying to sketch Bucky from the time left behind. He looked happy, lively eyes replaced with the hollowness of the Winter Soldier.
His hands had shaken that day. She had held them. The touch had been feather light, the intent hadn't.
He had requested to sketch her. She had given a smirk. He had fumbled. She had given him the green light eventually.
Natasha wondered about Steve. Steve Rogers the man. Just... the man.
She could gaze into his eyes forever and still wouldn't figure out why he is the way he is. The blue depths pulled her in and sometimes... sometimes she let herself get lost.
She was used to knowing everything about everyone. But with Steve, she didn't mind the uncharted territory.
