#repressed anger

He got us believing Edwin was the repressed one because of his openness to take life as it came and how comfortable he was showing his love to Edwin when in reality Edwin was a lot more in touch with his feelings than Charles. At least in a healthier way, I would say.

Charles didn't realize he had big issues until it exploded but Edwin always knew he was repressing himself, even if he couldn't grasp it entirely, even if he was in denial, that's the reason he spent many years in hell. He wasn't oblivious to himself. He knew. Charles didn't. He knew the abuse screwed him over, but not the how. He wasn't aware of the anger inside him. He knew he wanted to be alive, but probably never thought how it truly affected him being dead.

Same thing with sexuality. Charles never questioned if his behavior or his feelings for Edwin could mean more because he didn't consider the possibility of liking a boy. It was safe being that devoted because it was just a friend. It couldn't be any other way. Edwin didn't realize he was in love with Charles until later on and I think it was because he held back more, maybe if he had been like Charles he'd notice his feelings earlier, but also because he understood what real love felt like when Crystal showed up and the possibility of losing Charles came up. (Other factors also came at play here, of course)

Charles loves in a much freer way because of his past. He is not demanding. He gets jealous and feels territorial, yeah, but he won't show it because he prohibits himself from having certain feelings he labels as negative. He believes in being reliable and always keeping up the spirit so he won't create problems that could upset others. He accepts love as it comes, doesn't matter what it looks like, because even if it's not what he needs, it is love anyway and by being someone who never received it as a child, anything is better than nothing.

"What once felt like safety now feels like destruction."

The littlest things set me off. I get resentful and hatful. I lash out at the people around me. The urge to hurt others the way I hurt becomes almost to strong to ignore. I get so mad I can’t think.

I bite.