Black Books - Skyrim Fanfic
The air was sticky and each step brought a new ripple of ash that hugged onto whatever skin and clothing it got on. With each step, my lungs felt like they were about to be pulled out of my body. It was a craving I had never encountered, an urge that didn’t compare to any of my research. The black books had a hold on me and I didn’t know how to stop it; all I could do was continue forward, facing them, in hopes that I was the stronger will. But not everyone had agreed with my decisions.
My mind was in chaos. Each time I heard the rumbling sound of the volcano, Kaidan’s words rumbled alongside it. He had told me not to go forward with the books. He wanted me to ignore them, but I couldn’t and he knew that. He knew that and still, he had tried to stop me; he and Strom.
Everything was in knots and no matter how hard I rubbed at my palms, the anxiety still clung to my skin like vultures to a carcass. What am I going to do?
“Ren!” Kaidan’s voice broke through the stifling air and despite the fact I refused to look back, I could imagine his eyes tense with worry. “Ren, just listen to me!” I refused. I couldn’t stop, not with what I’ve started. If I didn’t continue, if I didn’t stop Miraak then everything-
“Would you slow down!”
Kaidan grabbed my wrist, spinning me around and holding me tight. His eyes trembled, his face pinched with worry as I found myself looking up at him. His eyes were slightly puffy, their red hues glowing almost. Silence fell over us and there was nothing but the taste of ash on our lips and the sound of the volcano mumbling its woes that kept us in reality.
It took him opening his mouth for me to speak. “I can’t stop,” my voice shook and I felt the fears slowly twisting around me. “If I don’t, Miraak will never stop hunting us or hurting the skaal. And I feel that if I just ignore it, it’ll tear me from the inside out. It’ll drive me mad and I can’t-” there was a crack in my voice, the tears filling my eyes before I could stop them. “I can’t,” was all I could whimper before Kaidan pulled me into an embrace. My body trembled against his, the ash stung my eyes and I felt like I could be sick. I took a breath, willing myself to gain control of my emotions.
“Ren, we don’t want to lose you.”
Ren only nodded, but responded with his own silent thought. I don’t want to lose myself, either.
