You deserve someone who is a good person for you too. You're not a charity. You don't have to give and give while getting nothing from them in return as far as having your connection needs met. If you can't grow with them, then they have to go.

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I think one of the reasons I've been obsessing so much is that Raven does not touch me enough. It's something we have talked about a lot, and I have repeatedly told him that I need touch. I don't even mean dirty touching - I just need physical contact. I've told him that I need him to touch me, like he needs me to say that I love him. I make a point of saying it multiple times per day, but I feel like he does not make an effort to touch me. It's not something he naturally does and not something that he makes a point to think about, and that upsets me. I want him to put in as much effort as I do to making him feel loved. I have told him repeatedly that when he does not touch me, I feel neglected. Then when he doesn't make sure to touch me more often, despite knowing what it does to me, that hurts more, because it feels he doesn't care about me at all. Touch is something that Otter does naturally. It's constant and easy for him. Being with him made me feel amazing. I am not in love with him, and I'm not sure he has any feelings for me at all, but that touch is still what I'm missing and craving. Yes, the sex was also great, but that's much easier to come by. I'm considering interviewing all my tinder matches to see who is touchy feely and using that to decide who to meet up with. I think if I was getting that need met somewhere it would be easier to stop thinking about Otter, and to actually be friends with him. It definitely helps that he's being an asshat, because if I have to explain to him basic human decency whenever we talk about something important, then I don't want to spend a lot of time and effort with him. I was on a roll this summer, but haven't been with any new people lately. I've been back on tinder a little bit lately, but haven't really put forth any effort yet. I think part of that is my SAD too - I'm not as energetic during winter. Unfortunately... I am now in the sucky situation of both not getting enough physical affection from Raven, while also being really confused about Otter. I'm at the point of moving on, but I'm sure there'll be a back slide before I'm totally done with him. I spent the whole month of December (really since mid-November) keeping insanely busy. We had a lot to get done to get ready for the holidays, a gaming table to work on finishing (the inside still needs to be finished), a holiday party to prep for, present shopping and wrapping to do, plus packing, vacationing, and doing Christmas with all of the bits of our families. On top of working about 50 hours a week. Now we're back and have significantly less to do. We have a bunch of new video games to play, which is great, but also frustrating because we can be sitting next to each other for hours, while I'm still not getting what I need from Raven and he's getting everything he needs from me. I also enjoy spending time together, and would be upset if we weren't doing a good bit of that, but that's not my top need. He's pretty equally tied at quality time and words of affirmation, so as long as he gets one or the other every day, he's pretty much fine. I enjoy quality time together, but it's nowhere near as important as physical touch. I've been trying to find a way of explaining to him how important of a need it is to me, and how to get him to understand it enough to change his behavior. I've tried doing the analogy thing of asking him how he feels if I don't tell him I love him, or if I only tell him after he reminds me I haven't said it in a while. He sort of gets it. I've tried to explain to him that it's like food. I can go without it for a while, but eventually I can't think of anything else. It's something I can get from other people, but if I'm only getting it from others, I won't be as close to him. And if I continuously explain to him how it's something I need to survive, and he continues not to give it to me, then I'm not going to be able to trust him. He seems sad when I explain it like that, so we'll see if that explanation does anything to change his behavior. What do you do when communication doesn’t work? I don’t want to intentionally stop telling him that I love him, because I try not to be spiteful, and because I know that neglecting his needs won’t make me feel any better - and also won’t make him any more likely to give me what I need.