#relationship article

12th September 2016                    

Why do we still speak to our exes?

               The guy that paid more attention to his PlayStation than he ever did to you, but played you just the same. The girl that cheated on you with her “best friend”, as well as the partner that was “single” (insert two other girlfriends here). We left them in the past for good reason, or did we? Sure, we couldn’t be with them anymore, for whatever reason, and be it that we left them or they ran away from us, we are not together anymore. But here in lies the question, why do we still pay them the time of day? And I know what you’re thinking, “Pfff, that’s so not me!” and here I am to tell you, stop lying to yourself.

               Being with someone long term involves letting them in. Letting them into our homes, our circles of friends and families, and eventually, our hearts. So those songs you would listen to while on road trips or making dinner, that sweater you’ve worn on night after night and day in, day out, and potentially stole from their closet? Yeah, you see where I’m going with this… then there’s “your song” (your #1. Played song on your iPod? Yeah, that one). That teddy bear on your bed from Valentine’s Day, your selfies, and pictures from that date or that night out that are still plastered on your walls, social media and phone? Wait, you have all of those (or at least half of them apply to you?). Yeah, that’s what I thought.

               Or perhaps you’re a little subtle, and I’m still here to call you out on it. You look them up on Twitter once a week? Still, check up on their Facebook to see if they’re seeing someone new? You’re totally convinced that all of those quotes on their Tumblr and the captions on their selfies are about you? Well, how would you know all this if you didn’t care? Oh, and you have them blocked on everything and burned every symbol of your relationship in a massive bonfire the night you broke up? Nice, but you’ve still been thinking about someone the whole time you’ve been reading this. Don’t lie to yourself, it’s not cute.

               But what does this mean? Now I’m not here to tell you that your life is over, that they were the one, your life isn’t worth living because they’re gone. Now come on… someone raised you better than that, not me, but someone. But why do we give the people that didn’t work out, didn’t love us or didn’t commit that kind of air time? I spent 4 months in a relationship only to still be talking about it 14 months later! My ex-was a horrible to me, not to mention having another girlfriend and being a compulsive liar to boot, and still, here I am, talking about them over a year later, when I’ve completely moved on, and I have completely moved on. And let me tell you why we do it.

               Human’s love to live in the past. We love to romanticize the past that wasn’t all that peachy. So sure, your boyfriend cheated on you, but he also bought you flowers on Valentine’s Day and that cute teddy bear for your anniversary. Your ex-girlfriend may have given you mono, but she always noticed when you got your haircut or new shoes. Well hello, it’s me, and I’m here to tell you to wake up and smell the coffee because the past is the past and it’s definitely time to move on.  

               I do not care if he was a great kisser or she had a voice to calm all your nerves. I don’t care if she had a steady job or they always sent you good morning messages. And I definitely don’t care if you thought they were “the one”. Because they weren’t, they’re not and they never will be. I’m here to tell you that you are the only “one” you’ll ever need.

If you do not, or cannot, believe that you are the love of your own life let me just run something past you quickly. Whether you are 16, or 61, you are in the most consistent relationship you will ever have, with yourself. For every minute of every day that you have had a pulse, you have stood by yourself. Love yourself or hate yourself, you know everything there is to know about yourself, and so far, that’s all you’ve ever needed.  Because who knows how you take your coffee, where you like to eat, and what side of the bed you sleep on best? You do, and do you really need the company of someone who sleeps around and lies for a hobby? No, I didn’t think so.

Their story began not in a bustling cafe or a moonlit garden, but in the quiet, digital world of Facebook in 2023. Al-Zabat, an American girl with a curious and open heart, stumbled upon Read More

Fact Box

 Enclothed cognition is the phenomenon describing how clothes affect the wearer's behavior, attitudes, personality, mood, confidence, and how they interact with others.

Personal style choices can influence how people connect with others because when a person chooses clothing that makes them feel confident and comfortable, they exude positive energy, and attract like-minded individuals.

Jealous and suspicious partners might accuse their partner of dressing provocatively.

When a partner becomes controlling of what their significant other wears, it may indicate the relationship is emotionally abusive.

Sam (No)

A person who feels they should have authority over what their romantic partner wears could be classified as a controlling or even emotionally abusive partner. One example of this is Jonah Hill’s questionable behavior towards his (now ex) surfer girlfriend, who posted pictures of herself in a bikini. In Jonah’s case, he was called out for weaponizing “therapy speak” to pressure his partner to present herself as he saw fit in the name of “boundaries.” Doing this can be a sign of abusive behavior that could escalate into something more dangerous. 

Likewise, there is a difference between providing an opinion on your partner’s clothing when explicitly asked for it and outright unwillingness to accept how they choose to dress. And offering such opinions publicly, as the world witnessed between Keke Palmer and her now-ex, Darius Jackson, can make the situation even messier.

If you cannot respect your partner's personal style choices, it may signify a deeper problem: incompatible values. One partner may value dressing formally, while the other prefers wearing athleisure to every event. If these differences create constant conflict and neither partner is willing to compromise, the real problem may not be the clothes but incompatibility. If one partner feels that posting revealing pictures or wearing revealing outfits is inappropriate or even disrespectful while the other does not see such a display as negative or overtly sexual, then the two might not be able to reconcile their values and should seriously consider parting ways (and very often do).

Ultimately, a healthy relationship is marked by each person respecting the other’s autonomy, including clothing choices. You don’t have to like every outfit your partner wears, but your partner’s comfort and confidence in their clothing should be the main concern.

Elisa (Yes)

In a relationship, what our partner wears can affect us. If it comes from a loving place, then there are times it is appropriate to tell your partner what to wear. One partner may be concerned about how their partner is treated—unnecessary catcalling, harassment, and scrutiny can result from specific styles. A partner may kindly tell the other that a certain outfit could result in objectification or even harassment. We wouldn’t have to worry about this in a perfect world, but this isn’t a perfect world.

Likewise, there are important events where a person should have a say in what one wears, such as meeting a partner’s parents, a work party, a wedding, or some other event that could influence a person’s reputation. 

Unfortunately, clothing can affect our relationships, and if what your partner is wearing affects you negatively, you should have a right to say something. However, there is also a way to talk to a partner about their style without hurting their feelings, no matter their sex.

Are Relationship Goals Necessary? Across the board, that reply is a resounding yes, relationship dreams are critical for a completely satisfied and wholesome relationship.

It’s effortless to count on that love is ample to make a relationship strong. However, wholesome relationships require each love and commitment. Setting relationship dreams — momentary and long-term — can assist a relationship develop enhanced whilst making positive each companions (or all events if you are in a polyamorous relationship) are on the equal web page and deriving happiness from the relationship. Relationship dreams will additionally assist you determine out previously on if you and your associate aren’t well matched — or even if the relationship is toxic.

What is the weirdest thing a girlfriend has done to make sure you were not cheating on her?

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