12th September 2016                    

Why do we still speak to our exes?

               The guy that paid more attention to his PlayStation than he ever did to you, but played you just the same. The girl that cheated on you with her “best friend”, as well as the partner that was “single” (insert two other girlfriends here). We left them in the past for good reason, or did we? Sure, we couldn’t be with them anymore, for whatever reason, and be it that we left them or they ran away from us, we are not together anymore. But here in lies the question, why do we still pay them the time of day? And I know what you’re thinking, “Pfff, that’s so not me!” and here I am to tell you, stop lying to yourself.

               Being with someone long term involves letting them in. Letting them into our homes, our circles of friends and families, and eventually, our hearts. So those songs you would listen to while on road trips or making dinner, that sweater you’ve worn on night after night and day in, day out, and potentially stole from their closet? Yeah, you see where I’m going with this… then there’s “your song” (your #1. Played song on your iPod? Yeah, that one). That teddy bear on your bed from Valentine’s Day, your selfies, and pictures from that date or that night out that are still plastered on your walls, social media and phone? Wait, you have all of those (or at least half of them apply to you?). Yeah, that’s what I thought.

               Or perhaps you’re a little subtle, and I’m still here to call you out on it. You look them up on Twitter once a week? Still, check up on their Facebook to see if they’re seeing someone new? You’re totally convinced that all of those quotes on their Tumblr and the captions on their selfies are about you? Well, how would you know all this if you didn’t care? Oh, and you have them blocked on everything and burned every symbol of your relationship in a massive bonfire the night you broke up? Nice, but you’ve still been thinking about someone the whole time you’ve been reading this. Don’t lie to yourself, it’s not cute.

               But what does this mean? Now I’m not here to tell you that your life is over, that they were the one, your life isn’t worth living because they’re gone. Now come on… someone raised you better than that, not me, but someone. But why do we give the people that didn’t work out, didn’t love us or didn’t commit that kind of air time? I spent 4 months in a relationship only to still be talking about it 14 months later! My ex-was a horrible to me, not to mention having another girlfriend and being a compulsive liar to boot, and still, here I am, talking about them over a year later, when I’ve completely moved on, and I have completely moved on. And let me tell you why we do it.

               Human’s love to live in the past. We love to romanticize the past that wasn’t all that peachy. So sure, your boyfriend cheated on you, but he also bought you flowers on Valentine’s Day and that cute teddy bear for your anniversary. Your ex-girlfriend may have given you mono, but she always noticed when you got your haircut or new shoes. Well hello, it’s me, and I’m here to tell you to wake up and smell the coffee because the past is the past and it’s definitely time to move on.  

               I do not care if he was a great kisser or she had a voice to calm all your nerves. I don’t care if she had a steady job or they always sent you good morning messages. And I definitely don’t care if you thought they were “the one”. Because they weren’t, they’re not and they never will be. I’m here to tell you that you are the only “one” you’ll ever need.

If you do not, or cannot, believe that you are the love of your own life let me just run something past you quickly. Whether you are 16, or 61, you are in the most consistent relationship you will ever have, with yourself. For every minute of every day that you have had a pulse, you have stood by yourself. Love yourself or hate yourself, you know everything there is to know about yourself, and so far, that’s all you’ve ever needed.  Because who knows how you take your coffee, where you like to eat, and what side of the bed you sleep on best? You do, and do you really need the company of someone who sleeps around and lies for a hobby? No, I didn’t think so.